Deep Scars
by Tammy R. Hamilton
Summary: Lapis Lazuli is 17. She's a normal teenager who curses, talks to her dog, and oh yeah- has HIV. She was raped on her tenth birthday. When Lapis arrives at her new school in Beach City as a Senior, she meets Peridot. To her, he is an asshole and a typical player. Then she sees his scars and why he has them. Maybe scars can't be healed, but they can be treated.
1. Chapter 1

**Deep Scars****I do not own the characters of this story. I only own the story, not the characters. They belong to Rebecca Sugar.****IMPORTANT!****I do not have the illness discussed I this story nor do i know anybody with this illness.**

**Different**

**Lapis Lazuli P.O.V.**

I was asleep but, then i wasn't. My annoying alarm clock had gone off. I didn't want to get up. It was was my first day of school since we moved here. I wasn't scared or anything, but it was boring. It was the same old story in every same old school. I would arrive, hang around for a few weeks, a few months if I was lucky. Then, it's of to another school. It's the same old routine since my tenth birthday. I still regret that day I left my house. I don't know why I did? I mean i know the reason, but I don't know why I thought my reasons were good enough to leave my house at night. I was young.

I got up and my dog, Jane also got up. I quickly made my bed and then went to my closet. I got a blue shirt and my l cyan blue sweater and blue jeans. After that I put on my white sneakers. I quickly combed my hair and went downstairs to the kitchen. I opened the cabinet and took out some pills. Then I took a cup and filled it half with water. I took out one pill and put it I my mouth. Then I drink the water and swallowed the pill.

After that I put my pills away and looked down to see a Jane. She's been with me since I was a little girl. We practically grew up together. I consider her my sister. Even though she's a dog. She's a husky. Her eyes are a clear blue. Her hair is grey and the hair in her stomach is white. My parents didn't really agree to have Jane at first but they didn't have a choice.

I looked at her and she looked at me. I then took her bowl and filled it with her dog food. I put it down and she started eating. I also took her water bowl and filled it with cold water. She likes cold water. In winter I have her warm water but she always prefers it cold.

I then went upstairs and to the bathroom. I washed my teeth and my face and then went to my bedroom. I took my backpack and put it on my bed. I opened it to make sure I had everything I needed. As soon as I did I closed it and swung it over my shoulder. I closed my bedroom and then went downstairs. I went up to the door and opened it. Jane then went behind me and barked softly. I looked at her and have grey a nervous smile.

"Wish me luck Jane." I said as I then left and locked the door.

My first day of school. I wonder if it would be any different? I don't think it will but the only thing that could happen is I could keep a secret longer or shorter. It all depends. It depends on me mostly but also on other people. It depends if they stay away because of they get close to me I trust them, if I trust them I tell them my secret, and if I tell them my secret it can only go one of two ways. And the only way it has ever gone is the one I never wanted to go down by.

It all started with my first school. When I was 10. After the incident I kept it as a big secret. I had a few friends. Friends I really trusted. Friends I knew were going to be with me for ther rest of my life. However, I trusted to much. It was all a big mistake. I had fallen into a black hole, and there was no use of trying escaping it. I couldn't stop the inevitable. Cause' those trustworthy friends is what showed everywhere else about me. And once something was up, you couldn't eliminate it. Even if you could, people know about it. And you can't erase someone's mind.

Anyway, I was making my way to school. I was wearing my sweater and my hood was on. I always carried my hood on. When I wad a teenager I dyed my hair blue. I liked it, my parents didn't. They grounded me. If i remember correctly I don't think I asked for their permission. I knew the consequences. However what I didn't count on was people noticing it. So i started wearing a hood to cover my hair. I didn't like people asking about my hair or asking why I wear a hood either. When they do, it gets awkward and I sort of can't talk. All the words just get stuck in my throat. Everyone always misunderstands that. They either say I can't talk or they take it as an insult.

I was about to cross the road. I looked both sides. When i was sure no one was coming I was about to cross when all of a sudden I heard a loud noise and turned right. I saw white lights. I widened my eyes and braced for impact.

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hi. This is my first story on fanfiction net. I am sorry if you spot any mistakes or if something is wrong. Again I am new. I will try my best to get the hang of this. However, please tell me where I can improve on, and comment. They always make my day.****This story is mine. I have also posted only 5 chapters on another app, but I don't think I will continue writing there.****Sorry if it is short. I didn't have a lot of time. I was sort of in a hurry. But I promise I will get better.****So thank you for reading. I also like suspense. But not when it is used on me. Bye.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Different**

**Part 2**

**Lapis P.O.V.**

I waited and waited for something to hit me. However nothing really seemed to happen. I opened my eyes and I saw big lights. Right in front of me.

"Hey, do you mind?" asked a male voice.

The person turned the lights off revealing a black and green motorcycle. The driver was a boy. Looks about my age. He had blond hair, green eyes, pale skin, and these transparent green visors. He wore a black leather jacket, a dark green shirt under and black jeans.

"Hey, hey!" he said snapping his fingers to get my attention.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't see yo-" I said but got interrupted.

"Hey wait for me. Oh, whos this?" asked a girl in a purple and black bike. She looked tired. She was short, had purple hair and tan skin.

"Amethyst, this is just some girl who I just nearly ran over." the boy said.

"Oh really. Hi, I'm Amethyst what's your name?" she asked me reaching her hand out towards me. I nervously took her hand and shook it.

"My name is Lapis Lazuli." I answered.

"Nice to meet you Lapis. So I already gave you my name but you have yet to meet my friend. This is Peridot." said Amethyst pointing to the guy. He looked at me then reached his hand out. I also took it and shook his hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Lazuli." he said.

"Nice to meet you too." I answered.

"I've never seen you around here before." Peridot commented .

"Ummm, I just moved here." I said.

"That's nice. We never really get people who come and live here. We mostly only get tourists who only stay for the summer." replied Peridot.

"Yeah." said Amethyst

"Anyway, where are you going?" Peridot asked.

"Umm, school." I said nervously

"Cool, what school?" asked Amethyst.

"There's only one school in the whole town." Peridot said.

"Oh I'm sorry mister know it all." Amethyst said making fun of him. Peridot rolled his eyes. He then looked at me.

"Do you need a ride?" he asked. Amethyst smiled and I got a little nervous.

"Umm, no thank you. I could walk over there." I said trying not to sound too harsh.

"You're new here. Won't you get lost?" he asked.

"It's pretty close." I said.

"She's right. Besides we still have a race to finish." said Amethyst.

"As if you even have a chance of winning." Peridot said looking at Amethyst.

"We'll see." Amethyst said as she positioned her bike and the took off.

"Bye Lazuli." Amethyst yelled as she went farther away. I just looked at her a little confused about what had just happened. I then turned around to look at Peridot.

"Aren't you gonna go after her?" I asked.

"She won't get far. So are you sure you can get there on your own?" Peridot asked.

"I'm sure." I said.

"Ok. So, I guess I'll see you later. If you don't get run over." he said. He smiled and so did I.

"Goodbye Lapis Lazuli. And piece of advice, try not to get run over." he said as he postitioned himself on his motorcycle. I saw what he meant and quickly went over to the other side of the road. He looked at me one more time then took off leaving me standing there all alone.

I sighed. I was still as alone as I started out. Except maybe I had made two friends. Maybe. I'm still not sure whether to even consider them as friends. But maybe it's not too late to start over. Maybe, things might be different. Maybe I might not feel so different.

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**Thanks for reading. I hope you liked it. And if something is wrong or you don't like it please tell me how I can improve. Thank you for your time.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Colors**

**Lapis P.O.V.**

I was still there for a few minutes after they left. I took out my phone and looked at the time. It was 7:56. I was gonna be late for school on my first day. I quickly put myself back together and started running. The school was about five more minutes away from here. I couldn't be late.

It took a few minutes, but I finally made it too school. There was no one outside anymore. The bell was about to ring so, I didn't even go looking for my locker. I went straight to my homeroom which thankfully was one of the first classrooms in the hallway. It was pretty easy to find, considering I didn't even have to look.

I quickly took a deep breath and went inside. Not everyone was in seats. They were all over the place. Somewhere chewing gum. Some boys were flirting with some girls. Others had their phones out. None of them took notice of me. There were only three empty desks in the room. Two in the back and one in the front. I took the ones in the back. I've never really been the type who loves the front of the class. I'm more of the person that likes to hide her face behind a book and things like that.

I sat down as the teacher came in and greeted everyone. Everyone sat in a seat, and I sat alone. She said that there was a new student, but nobody paid any attention. I felt glad that nobody noticed me, but at the same time I felt alone. With a hole in my heart. I was all alone. No friends, no nothing. Only myself. That was the only company I've ever had and the only company I ever will have.

The teacher started taking attendance and everyone just answered with here or present. She had to say some names twice or more because no one was paying attention. She still hadn't said my name after a minute. She kept saying a few names until she got to one particular name of one particular person I thought I knew.

"Peridot." groaned the teacher.

He didn't answer. I looked around to see if I saw that familiar face. But I didn't see him. He wasn't here. Why would he not be here? He got to school before I did. Didn't he? Maybe something happened? What if something bad happened? And why am I worrying about a person I just met?

I trusted people pretty quickly. Maybe it's that. That I trusted people too much and it's made me care for those people. But, not other people from my past. Those people I will never go back to.

I was so lost in thought that I nearly jumped out of my seat when someone came into the classroom. I looked up at the door and saw Peridot.

Everyone went silent. Some boys grew smiles. Girls blushed. The teacher let out a sigh of defeat. And I grew confused.

"Hey miss. How you doing?" asked Peridot. They teacher put her hands on her head as if embarrassed.

"Good, Peridot. Now please take a seat." the teacher said.

"No thanks. I'm good standing." he replied. Why was he being so, rebellious?

"That wasn't a suggestion, it was a demand." The teacher said in a serious tone.

"It's the same thing. Why don't you sit down, relax and take the rest of homeroom off?" Peridot suggested.

"I could use the break but I would be irresponsible." the teacher said.

"Responsible, irresponsible, their the same word but with a few more letters. It doesn't mean anything." he said.

"Take, a seat." the teacher demanded. He smirked and looked at the class. He looked at the class then back at the teacher then he looked at me shocked.

"Whatever." he said as he started making his way towards the back. He smiled at seeing some people. He got the the back and sat next to me.

"Hey Lazuli." he said. I looked at him and smiled slightly to see a familiar face even though I just met him.

"Hi Peridot." I responded.

"You liking school so far?" he asked.

"I'm not sure. It's still homeroom." I said.

"Well, I'm part of the welcoming committee, so if Pearl doesn't beat me to it, I could show you around." he suggested.

"That sounds nice. Who's Pearl?" I asked.

"Some other girl part of the welcoming committee." he replied.

"Ok." I said. Then all of the sudden I heard my name called.

"Here." I said shyly. The teacher looked at me.

" , please take your hood off." she said.

"But-" I was about to say until I got interupted by the teacher.

"Take the hood off." she said standing up and narrowing her eyes angrily at me. I reached my hands out to take my hood off. My hands were shaking. Other students looked over at me. I was so embarrassed, and I knew people were gonna make fun of my blue hair. I could see Peridot looking over at me. I was about to take my hood off when someone spoke.

"Miss, I see no reason to make her take off her hood if she has not caused any problem or conflict." Peridot said standing up.

"You know what, since you want to defend her and talk back to me then you can talk back to the dean in detention." she said.

"But, it's my fault not his!" I said standing up as well.

"Then you can also get detention." she said. I sat back down.

"Miss, according to the Rules and Safety Protocol book of the school you can't just just give us detention for talking back to you and much less for wearing a hood in class." Peridot said debating.

"What would you know about the school book on rules?" asked the teacher getting furious.

"More than you know." he responded.

"Why would that be?" asked the teacher.

"So I know when not to follow directions, and what rules not to follow." Peridot said. The teacher grunted angrily and sat back down in her seat.

"First warning, next time you get detention." she said.

"We get three warnings." Peridot said.

"Fine! First warning, next two times you get detention." she yelled frustrated.

Peridot then sat back down. He had a huge grin across his face as if he'd been planning this. As if he had an evil plan or something mischievous was hiding under his sleeve. And I everyone knew what he was hiding. Everyone knew what that mischievous plans he was. Everyone, except me. Because I was new. And I had no idea who he was. Not until now.

Mr. Bad Boy had shown his colors.

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**Hi Everyone. Thank you so much for reading. Hope you enjoyed the story. Please leave a review or comment if you can, they always make my day. And I hope you have a good day/night (depending on where you live). Anyway I won't take up anymore of your time. So thank you. And I will try to update soon.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Expectations**

**Lapis P.O.V.**

Homeroom was a little intense. It's not what I expected. I expected to just say 'here' and that's it. But I nearly got in trouble. Peridot nearly got in trouble. And it was a disaster.

"Lapis! Wait." someone said behind me.

I turned around and it was Peridot. He was making his way towards me. It surprised me that there were a lot of people in the hall, but none were in his way. I turned around and walked a little bit faster.

He finally caught up to me and matched my pace.

"Hey. At Least a thanks would be nice." he said now matching my pace.

A thank you? A thank you! That's got to be his funniest joke so far. So, I spoke sarcastically.

"Thanks."

"Come on. Don't be like that." He spoke.

"I didn't want to have a case with you as my lawyer." I responded.

"So what? I can be charming." Peridot said making a cute face.

Unbelievable. Was he always like this?

"Yeah, right." I said sarcastically.

He looked shocked. As if he'd never met a girl who'd turned him down.

"There is no girl who's ever turned my down." he said firmly.

I was right! That was a lucky guess.

"There's always a first time for everything." I said as I continued to walk.

I saw out of the corner of my eye that he was following me.

"Ok. Before you came here, I spoke with the principle and she said that I could show you around. So, how about we make a deal?" he asked. I looked at him a little unsure. Then I sighed.

"Fine." I said.

"So, I show you around the school. Then after that, if you tell me that you don't wanna see me again then I'll never bother you again. Deal?" he said stretching his hand out towards me. I thought of it for a second. He would show me around, then he would respect whatever my decision would be. I looked at him.

"Deal." I said as I took his hand.

"Great. Now let's go." said Peridot as we started walking.

The second bell rang. I've been in a bunch of other schools and when people showed me around, we didn't have to go to class. That was the good part about it.

We walked around and he talked about some things. He would point out some of the places where he would be if he needed to be somewhere he didn't want to go. I simply listened, looked around, and followed him. He was very nice. He may be a troublemaker, but he was very nice and he wasn't rude or anything. And he didn't just show me around the school, he also talked a little about himself. He also gave me advice on everyone and who was nice and who wasn't. Then he got to an interesting topic.

"So, I suggest that if you wanna survive one month at this school, stay away from that jerk." Peridot said.

"What was his name again?" I asked.

"His name is Jasper." Peridot said.

"But what makes him a jerk and not you?" I asked.

He looked at me as if he'd been shot I the heart with a gun.

"The difference between him and I is that he manipulates other people to get away with things, and I face the consequences." Peridot said with the most serious tone I've heard him use so far. He was looking at me. He had an emotionless face. But I saw in his eyes, that he was scared. Like a scared little boy. Like when I first found out about what I had. That was a terrible feeling. A feeling of being broken, of not belonging, a feeling where you're all by yourself. I was in the dark, and in the dark you're always alone. Because, when you're in darkness, even your shadow leaves you.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise" I said.

"It's ok, you're not the first and you won't be the last. You don't have to apologize." Peridot said looking away.

Without thinking I hugged him. He didn't expect it. I didn't expect it. After a few seconds he hugged me back and we stayed in that position for about a minute. Then we seperated. I looked at him.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I said as I started walking away.

"Wait, Really?" he said. Just then the bell rang and the halls became crowded with student.

"Wait! Lazuli!" he said. But I lost sight of him. And I assumed he had lost sight of me. I turned around and continued to walk looking for my next class. And I smiled.

I had made a friend.

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**Hello. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry if it's short. I had originally planned it to be a lot longer but, I had a handful of chores instead of time.****Anyway. Thank you for reading. Goodbye. Have a good day or night (depending on where you live). Bye.**


	5. Chapter 5

**It's Not Enough**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

The rest of the school day passed really fast. The classes were boring and most of the teacher didn't care about anything. They were bored and just basically gave us a worksheet and did their , I kinda got away with the hood thing.

I didn't see Peridot the rest of the day. He wasn't in homeroom either. The teacher didn't take attendance. I also didn't see him in lunch.

I didn't really have anything for lunch. It was sort of because nothing looked good, but also that I'm not supposed to eat anything that is too greasy or unhealthy. The lunch food was pretty much oil. It was tons of oil just hiding behind that so called 'food'. There is nothing normal about that food. I sat with Amethyst in lunch. Even though I didn't have anything I still got a tray. Amethyst asked me too. She had her lunch, then she ate off of my tray. She ate very quickly. I don't even think she chewed, she just swallowed. I still had to throw it out though. She couldn't even throw the trays she used away. I also threw hers out.

Besides from lunch, the other classes were all pretty much the same. I had a few with Amethyst. So she helped me out. Others I was supposed to have with Peridot, but he never showed up. Had I said something earlier that had bothered him? Or was he just always like this? I asked Amethyst if she knew what had happened to him. She said that he had the habit to just disappear. But it was weird for me.

I got out of school and hurried home. I wasn't in a hurry or anything but I wanted to get out before anyone followed me or saw me. I had said my goodbye to Amethyst during passing.

I finally arrived on my porch and I got my keys put. I opened the door and went up to my room. Jane followed behind me. I went inside my room locking the door behind me. Jane jumped onto my bed and looked at me as if expecting me to do something. She then jumped off my bed and went towards my desk. She pointed towards my blue laptop.

"Sometimes I ask myself if you're my twin sister." I said as I grabbed my laptop and sat on my bed. Jane jumped and sat next to me.

I opened it up and looked up the social website from my last school. I entered the password and logged in. I scrolled through the conversations from the last few days. I sighed. I looked at Jane. Her hair was so soft, so white and grey, her eyes so blue. She put her head on my lap. I closed my laptop and fell on my back closing my eyes. I opened them and looked at Jane. She lay herself on her back as well, looking at me, her tongue sticking out. I giggled a little. She always found a way to cheer me up. She was the only one who stood by me no matter what came. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Jane with me. My life would be different. I would be more lonely than what I am now. I probably wouldn't be willing to trust anyone. Since then trusting people never was the best option. I still trusted a little but, I became very insecure and paranoid. My life would be black, white, and grey. The little innocence that is left in me would probably have been gone a long time ago. I'd be careless, reckless, and my heart would be harder than a diamond.

After my 10th birthday my parents became distant. My friends left me. The world shut me out when I most needed it. But Jane, Jane was there. She was never distant. She never left me. She was there when I most needed it. She was there when nobody else was. It was the world against us. One for two, and two for one. We had eachother, and that was prefect. It was our little world. Jane made the small corner of the world seem big. After my birthday, my heart was turning cold, I was becoming worse than Peridot. But Jane was there. She helped me hold on to that little bit of innocence I had left. And where I didn't have it, she made it. Jane was like a sister. She was part of me. If anything were to happen to her, I would fall apart. A part of me would die. That tiny little flame, inside of me would go out. Jane was like one of those things that can't be replaced and you can't live without.

But, that wasn't enough.

Sure, I loved Jane. And she has helped me a lot. But, I needed love. Human love. Parental love. The type of love I never had. Just because I was different. I don't know why? I never felt very different. They said they loved me. But they had a weird way of showing it. A very distant way. They even became distant with each other. They started fighting with each other for no reason at all.

The only thing that made me different was the virus I had. But that didn't make me much different. I could have still had a normal childhood. I could have still had have loving parents. I could still have a boyfriend one day and get married without giving my partner the virus. It was just how everyone else saw it. I was still the same girl, with the same attitude, the same chances, the same dreams as I had when I was a little girl. It was everyone else who had changed that. They made me different. They made me feel different. They made me feel like an abomination. They called me a scandal. Though my parents never said it, I could see in their eyes that they felt the same things as everybody else. I knew they felt that I was a disgrace. I knew that I wasn't the little girl they wanted. I was only ten, but I felt older. I was more mature, I lived through more than most kids have gone through. I knew more things. And I learned to tolerate. I learned to take a closer look at the people you trusted. Because even salt looks like sugar. And you didn't know which one was which until you tried it. I should know. I had to try it. And it always ended up to be salt. But eventually you get used to the taste and learn to not take the chance and just keep doubting, but at the same time knowing you shouldn't trust anyone.

I stood up from my bed. Jane stayed there. I opened the door to my balcony and went outside.

I could feel the warm breeze against my cold face. The sun, it comes out everyday. It shines just as bright as the day before. It's a star. There are millions just like it. Just like there are millions of planets, millions of galaxies and millions of me. Just in different versions. But the exact same story, just at different stages. The same problem, just different perspectives. The same emotions, just different ways to process it.

But it's still the same. And it's not enough.

The same things keep on happening to me. It's the same story all over again. I had never done anything bad. I guess the world just likes to see people suffering. It's the thing people like to do these days. See other people suffer.

"What are you thinking about?" someone behind me asked.

I froze. My body became stiff. I was paralyzed. I was a little scared. But, at the same time curious. I knew that voice. I turned around. My eyes widened and I screamed. Peridot put his hand over my mouth and shushed me.

"Why are you screaming? You know me." he said. I struggled to get out of his grip but I finally was able to.

"It was a reaction! And first of all, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!" I screamed.

"I think there are other questions you should be concerned about. Like, how did I find you, what was I doing the whole day, and maybe how I found the keys in your front porch." He said showing off the keys to enter me house. I quickly snatched them from his hand.

"Actually yeah, how did you find me? Are you stalking me now?" I asked. Though the answer scared me I still wanted to know.

"I'm not stalking you. Maybe a little but I won't go around recording your every move." he said grinning a little as if my anger was amusing.

"Just explain to me what you are doing in my house!" I said trying not to yell.

"This morning you were acting as if I were the most precious and fragile thing in the world and now you're screaming at me." he said sarcastically pretending to be shocked.

"In my defence, I don't know you. Oh that reminds me," I said as I entered my room and quickly closed the door to the balcony. Peridot stood calmly in front of the door.

"So, this is how it's gonna be. First you walk away from me, then you shut me out." he said crossing his arms.

"If it makes you feel any better you're not the first person who's been in front of a slammed shut door by me." I said. Jane was now standing in front of me protectively.

"You think you're little mut scares me?" He said crouching over to look at Jane. She barked and Peridot fell on his back.

"I don't think. I know." I said grinning.

"Just open the door!" he said trying to stay calm. I looked at him, then at the glass door, and then my eyes shifted to Jane. I had an idea.

"Fine. You want me to open it, I'll open it." I said as I put my hands on the handle.

"You ha- wait! This is too easy." Peridot said giving me a glare.

"You catch on very quickly." I said. He was smart, but not smart enough to know to not play with me.

"Don't open the door." Peridot said.

"I'm gonna open it." I said. Jane was alert and started growling a bit.

"Don't." he said very firmly. I was getting tired of this.

"Opps." I said as I slid the door open. Jane immediately went for Peridot. He panicked, jumped off the railing. I widened my eyes and went towards the railing.

"Peridot." I yelled. I put my hand over my mouth and then over my forehead.

"Oh, what am I gonna do? I killed someone. I'm probably gonna go to jail, and it will ruin my life. It's not like I had one anyway. I'm probably gonna die in prison. And this is only the first day of school." I said to myself.

"Aw. So you do care about me." I turned my head around and saw Peridot sitting on the railing. Jane started barking at him and I widened my eyes and screamed.

"Do you ever stop screaming?" He asked. I calmed down and tried to calm Jane down. I put my hand on her back and made her go back inside. I closed the glass door and turned to Peridot who was now standing on the floor.

"What do you want?" I asked firmly. I was now tired of his little tricks and him appearing whenever he feels like it.

"I just want you to come somewhere with me." he said. He was smiling.

"Where?" I asked now curious.

"To a party. Pearl organizes a birthday party for me every year. It's thoughtful, but creepy." he says with a paranoid look.

"I shouldn't." I said.

"Why not?" he asked.

"First off, my parents wouldn't say yes. And I know that a party like that will include alcohol." I said. He started laughing.

"It's a party." he said laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"I'm the most popular guy in school. Why don't you wanna come?" he said his laugh fading.

"Maybe," an excuse, come on." maybe I don't care."

"Maybe I don't care if you're popular. Maybe I just want to be alone. Maybe you should mind your own business!" I said getting frustrated. But It wasn't really frustration. I was more scared. scared to trust. Scared to get attached. And his stubbornness made it very difficult. I didn't want to trust because I was scared to trust. Because, I trusted a lot when I was little. I needed to trust people. But they never stuck around. So, I stopped talking to people. I stopped interacting with them completely. And I developed a fear. Pistanthrophobia.

He looked at me. He was speechless. It wasn't the best excuse, but it was one that left him speechless. Spoiled brats like him would be speechless after someone told them that. And I guess it worked.

"You, you don't care?" he asked with a softer face.

"Of course I don't!" I said trying to calm down. I looked at him. And this time when I looked in his eyes, I didn't see a spoiled kid. I saw an innocent little boy. A boy with pale skin, green eyes and spiky blonde hair. He was crying and had a black eye. He was all alone in an empty room with yells being heard outside the door. But then I saw him again. His eyes were filled with hurt and his expression went cold.

"Well everyone else cares." He said yelling.

"Not me. I don't care. But you don't understand. Because you're even more spoiled than everyone else." I yelled back.

"I'm not spoiled!" Peridot yelled back.

"Yes you are!" I yelled.

"You don't know me." Peridot said with a calmer voice.

"You don't know what I've been through." I whispered so he wouldn't hear me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him look at me. I think he heard me. I can't go with him. A part of me was telling that I should go. But then there was the rest of me telling me I couldn't. How can I be there for a world that was never there for me. I had gotten so used to not interacting with humans except my parents and my doctor. I had gotten so used to expressing my feelings to them, that I shut myself in. My doctor feared it would give me problems. And maybe it did. Like when I first met Amethyst and Peridot, I hadn't shaken someone's hand in a long time. I had almost forgotten how too. But I part of me was telling my I needed to go. That I needed to interact with humans again. But I wasn't sure that's what I wanted.

"Fine. I just came to invite you. But if you don't want to come then you don't have to. It's not like I'm gonna die." he said. Peridot then turned to leave. I wanted to tell him that I was fine too. That I didn't need to be friends with him. That I didn't need to be friends with anybody. That I would survive on my own. But that would be lying. But only Jane knows that story.

I couldn't go.

But then I remembered what my first psychologist told me:

"You are still a normal girl Lapis. You can still live your life as you please but with caution. Remember, take the risk or lose the chance."

I couldn't go. That didn't mean I didn't want to go, just a little bit.

Peridot took hold of the railing.

Take the risk or lose the chance

Take the risk or lose the chance

Take the risk or lose the chance

"Wait!" I said. He turned with hurt eyes and cold face.

"What?" he asked.

Take the risk or lose the chance

Take the risk or lose the chance

"I'll go with you." I said quickly before I could regret it.

"You will?" Peridot asked.

"On two conditions." I said.

"Which are?" Peridot asked.

"One, you can't leave me alone." I said.

"I can live with that. And number two?" he asked.

"Two, you can't drink." I said. He looked at me as if he were going to explode and then he sighed in defeat.

"Fine. Lets go." he said as he turned towards the railing.

"We are taking using the front door. Like civilized people." I said.

"But you mut is in your room and it is trying to kill me."

"Like you said, you'll live. And if you don't I can live with that." I said.

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**Hi guys. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry for not posting it before. I got sick since last week. Anyway hope you enjoyed and I hope you have a good day/night.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Deceiving**

**Lapis P.O.V.**

We made our way out of my house. It was a little challenging. Peridot didn't leave my room without getting a small scratch. I'd only really seen Jane like this once. But that was a long time ago. Even though I'd learned to trust her instinct, I'd need to rely on mine once in a while. Though I still wasn't sure about this.

We walked in silence for a few minutes. It wasn't really awkward silence, though I wish it would have been. Then we wouldn't have had to engage in conversation.

"So were did you go before you came to beach city high?" Peridot asked.

"I, uh went to school in Ocean Town." I said. There was another silence for about a minute, yet it felt like an eternity.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked. I nodded.

"Why do you always wear a hood?" Peridot asked. I tensed up a little bit, for the question was not one I wanted to answer. I didn't expect him to ask about that. I thought it would be any other question. Honestly I'm not sure what I wanted him to ask. I'm not sure if he noticed or not but he stopped walking and so did I. I thought maybe he would have changed the topic, or said something else, but he didn't. He looked at me with eyes that pierced right through me as if I were transparent and he was trying to get a clear picture of what was behind me. I try to come up with an excuse.

"Because, my hair is always a mess." I said trying to sound convincing. He looked at me suspiciously for a second. I thought fast, but I'm not sure if that was good enough. A lie needs tiny little roots to support it. And thats all that this lie was. A root of a big fake tree with artificial leaves.

"I don't belive you," he said."you were scared to take that hood of your head today. Whats hiding underneath it?"

He took hold of my wrist. I took a few steps back. I'm not scared to take it off, I'm just trying to hide anything that might make me stand out, or that might give anything off. But I wasn't scared. And I was definitely not scared of him.

Peridot was different. He wasn't like other boys. I'd seen other boys be mean to girls because they think they're annoying or if they have a crush on the girl. Was I annoying? But Peridot wasn't mean to me. But he wasn't nice either. He didn't force things either. Then what did he do? Is the only thing he does is get into trouble? That can't be the only thing. There are plenty of boys and girls who are rebellious. There's got to be something different about him. There is something different about him.

He talks to me.

He leaned in narrowing his eyes.

"You're a brave girl Lazuli. I thought you should know that." Peridot said letting go of my wrist. He started walking again. I speed walked to catch up. We walked in silence for a few minutes until we arrived to a house that really stood out. There was a lot of light, people dancing, it was very loud. I was blinded by the lights. It's been a long time since I went to a party, I've forgotten what it looks like. Why do people celebrate birthdays? Birthday is just a fancy word of saying the anniversary of when you were born. Even the word Birthday is dull if you think about it. It's just the words Birth and day stuck together to make it sound dazzling. But it's not. It's just blinding.

"Are you ok?" Peridot askes. I stepped out of my daze. I looked at him for a second. No, I wasn't. I was scarred, I was traumitized. I was an outcast.

"I'm fine." At least I wish that's what I could tell him. He walked and I followed behind. He just walked in. He didn't knock, he didn't ring the door bell. The door was open, but I would have asked for permission. He walked in like he owned the place and I lagged behind. He stopped, and so did I.

There were a lot of people. More than I've ever been with in a long time.

"Ok, stay here. I'll be right back." said Peridot. I was too distracted with everything to hear him at that moment. But after a second I was able to process it.

"Wait!" I said. I tried to be as loud as I could without being too loud. I stood there. "There goes number one."

I moved to a small corner where no one could bother me. I wonder how people could be so open and so outspoken. I'm surrounded by people who take life as a joke. Who do anything they want! Life's not a joke! How could people be so ignorant? How could they laugh and joke arround while people were dying from diseases and viruses? Kids dying from cancer, seniors dying from diabetes, adults suffering from cholesterol, and then there's me. People like me. We're all so different, but we all have one thing in common. We all suffer from something. Every human suffers from something, even if they aren't suffering from anything. Cause if they don't suffer from anything they don't know how to survive, they don't know how lucky they are to be so healthy, to be sane, to have friends, and to be just like everybody else. Time is what we most need, and it's what we least have of.

Death is so cruel. It takes such inoccent people, and the evil people are left wandering the world without a care. Death doesn't care if you're a sinner or a saint. It just takes you. You don't know if you're gonna wake up tomorrow. You don't know if you're gonna make it across the street. You don't know if a loved one will be there tomorrow to say good morning. Maybe that's why people live life every day. But then again, most people just don't care.

They don't care if you have cancer. They don't care if you have counted months, days until you die. They don't care about you if you don't act or look like how they want you to. They don't notice you unless they really need you. Unfourtunetly I had to learn that the hard way.

I stood there waiting for a few minutes. The corner was small, but I liked small spaces. Small spaces meant I could be alone. But here I wasn't alone. There were tons of people. This was a party. The only place where I'd seen a party was in the movies, or if we passed by a house and they were celebrating something. Over the years I've grown to think that parties are useless and a waste of time. And this moment just proves it. If you wan't to talk with someone, go get a coffee. If you want to listen to music, to a concert. Parties just waste you're economy.

"Excuse me, can you move please?" I opened my eyes. I blushed in embarrasment and moved. When I moved I bumped into somebody.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" said the male. He had long white hair and tan skin. He was wearing an orange short-sleev shirt which showed off a tattoo that looked like stripes of a tiger. I would had thought he was only mad because I had bumped into him if it weren't for the look in his eyes. They were cold and hard. I just glanced at them for a second before looking away, but that was enough to give me or anybody for the fact an unsettling feeling. It showed that he was like this all the time. I moved away slowly and carefully to not gain attention, but that was too late. I had attracted more attention than I would have liked. My back was against a wall. I was trying to make myself smaller if it were possible. I knew it was dumb. I knew there wasn't much you could do when you were put in the spotlight.

This is why I included condition one.

Luckily everyone went back to what they were doing in less than a minute. The crowd was blocking almost every inch of the wall. But after a moment. I finally spotted the door. It was open all the way. It would be easy to just walk right out. It's a blessing that, the door is wide opened. The full 120 degrees. I walked as fast as I could through the crowd. When I was at the door I almost ran out and lay my back against the wall and then started walking. I don't know where. This wasn't my first day in Beach City. It was just my first day actually outside. I don't remember excatly how to get home though a few streets look familiar. I just follow my instinct. I said I'd have to rely on it once in a while, so I am.

A few minutes pass and the streets become darker only a few street lights lighting up the sidewalk. I get an oblivious feeling. I rub my arms. I'm not cold. I just have this feeling that something's on me. Like if I was exposed.

I hear footsteps behind me.

I turn. No ones there. Just the darkness. Maybe there's someone in the darkness. Like my grandfather used to say, 'no one's really afraid of the dark. There just afraid of what hides in it.'

Darkness is just the absence of light. So, I have to shed some light on the situation. I'm in a new town, I'm learning how to navigate by myself. I won't have to depend on anybody, I don't depend on anybody. I've survived seven years nearly on my own. What makes me think I can't survive going down a few dark and creepy streets to my home where Jane is waiting for me. But, that didn't feel like my home. At least not anymore. It was a house that I lived in, but was it my home. No. That place were all I get are glances, scolding, and rules. Was Jane my home? I'm homesick. I'm homesick for a place I'm not even sure exists. A place I know doesn't exist. A place that has never existed.

I kept walking looking down at my footsteps careful on where I stepped. I walked careful, yet quick.

Footsteps to my left.

I quickened my pace. Nothing's gonna happen to me on the first day. Nothing ever happens on the first day.

Footsteps right behind me.

I walked faster trying not to sprint. It's a small town but I don't know it's reputation. I should have stayed in my house. I should have never left.

I walked a for about a minute more and the footsteps stopped. I slowed down and walked. I took a deep breath as I walked passed an alley. I didn't look at it. I just kept walking. I would be home soon. I would be back in my bed, in my room, and in my own little world where only Jane and I exist and no one else was there to hurt us. I was alone, but at least I wasn't lonely. I had Jane.

I lost myself in my train of thought I barely felt hands wrap around my arms and pull me back. A hand covered my mouth and I was pulled into darkness.

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**Another Cliffhanger. I'm so evil.****Hi. I'm sorry this took so long to update. But here it is. Better late than never, right?****Anyway today is a special day. Today is my brother's birthday. He's turning 8. My birthday was also like two weeks ago, but that doesn't matter.****I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you didn't then I'm sorry but I don't think like you. You can just comment and hope I suit you're needs. So I hope you have a good night/day depending on where you live.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Decieving**

**Part Two**

**Lapis's P.O.V.**

I screamed. I know it's usless. There's a hand covering my mouth. I resisted and kicked the air in a useless attempt to find someone or something to break. I opened my mouth and bit the hand as hard as I could. The taste of blood in my mouth was disgusting. I immediately spit it out. The blood mixed with saliva made a clanking sound as it hit broken glass, the person who was covering my mouth screamed in pain. I stepped on the foot of the person on my right, as the person on my left tried to grab my other arm. I elbowed the person on my left on what I hope was his stomach. I used my sleeve to wipe the remaining blood staining my mouth. Good thing I had three extra at home.

I took advantage that they were too focused on their pain and ran out of the alleyway. I run. That is the only thing on my mind. This won't happen to me again. I won't let it. Run, run, run. I'm older and I'm stronger. I've learned to take better care of myself. I kept running. I looked back to see if they were chasing after me. I didn't see anybody. I smiled to myself thinking that maybe I had lost them. Maybe they saw that I'm not an easy target. I might look weak, but when your on your own you learn to show people the weak side of you. It's like a mask. If you show them that you are weak, they think you are weak and they prey on you. But then when you need to, you can knock their lights out and the best part is that they'll never see it coming. That's how I live my life. Always on the run. I'm like a thief. I steal people's time and I run to not face the consequences. That's what most people do. It's what I do. I guess it's one of the only things I have in common with normal people.

I kept running for what felt like hours when it was actually just a minute. Then someone grabbed my sleeve and pulled me into a tiny alleyway. Their hand was on my mouth and I tried to remove it but their hand wouldn't bugde. His hand was warm and firm against my cold and rough skin. I stopped struggling for a second. It almost made me feel secure until I remebered that I couldn't trust anybody. I tried again to break loose of their grip but I couldn't. The person spoke and I recognized that voice.

"I confused you're bravery with crazy earlier." Peridot said. I rolled my eyes and after a few seconds he let go of me.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

"A little bird told me you might be around here." He said smirking.

"Why are you smirking?" I asked.

"Don't know. It's an instinct. But most girls are charmed by it." He said getting closer. His face was barely inches away from my face. Is he flirting, with me? Most girls would blush for being this close to a boy, but I'm not most girls. I'm Lapis lazuli. "Everyone, except you."

"Does that matter?" I asked. Why would it? I bet he flirts with every girl that comes his path. And by the look on his face every girl has fallen, and he think I will to. Except I'm that not easy. I'm not easy at all. My life is complicated. If he thinks I will fall for that little face, so just he breaks my heart like I'm sure he's done with every girl in school, he's got another thing coming. Besides every word that comes out of his mouth is artificial. He isn't real. But then again, who is?

"I don't know. That depends." He said getting closer. I stepped back. He was invading my personal space.

"On what?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"How many were there?" Peridot asked gesturing to the men from who I was running from. One was covering my mouth. And it took two people to hold both my arms.

"Three." I said.

"Ok. Just stay here." he said turning to the streets.

"And what do you think you're gonna do Hercules? You can't beat three people up by yourself." I said.

"You could. I can kill them if I want to. But it wouldn't be nice to do that in front of a lady." he took my hand and placed a light kiss on it. The action shocked me. He is flirting with me. But why? I'm not attractive like other girls I saw in school, I mostly cover myself a lot. I always use a sweater, a long sleeve shirt, jeans and sneakers. I don't socialize much with people. I don't use makeup. Yet here he is flirting with me. And I can't let that happen.

I pulled my hand away.

"Watch and learn miss Lazuli." he said as he winked.

As much as I want him not to flirt with me, it feels nice. It makes me feel normal. It makes me feel important, it makes me feel special. My parents are barely around, so its just me and Jane. But I'm ok with that. But no one's ever flirted with me, well at least not like this. Peridot is cute, but it doesn't pass from there.

I didnt look at the streets. Screams can be heard. I imagine blood, broken bones, black eyes, and any other bloody things you can think of. I took a step back trying to succumb into darkness. To shut out everything I'm hearing. Cursing, knuckles against bone, screams. I wonder how much blood Peridot has bleed so far. Has he bleed anything, or is he almost unconcious?

I take a few more steps back and it happens again.

One person. Grabs my arms and shuts my mouth with their hand. I struggle trying my best ro brake free.

My best is not enough.

I eventually get tires of trying. I stop and the noise on the streets has stopped. It's silent. I could only hear my heartbeat and his panting.

"Knew you'd show up." Peridot said. There was blood on his knuckles, fortunately no sign that he was injured. Yeah, fortunately for him I'm being held hostage. If I was free, I'd see exactly how strong Hercules here really is.

"Your friends said they would meet you at the hospital. So lets get this over with, I would hate for you to keep them waiting." Peridot said getting into a fighting stance.

The person holding me made a weird sound that I'm sure meant he was scared. He threw me onto the ground and ran away. I put my hands in front of me to prevent me from getting my face scratched. Peridot chuckled though not at me. He bent down and helped me to my feet.

"I know I'm charming but you don't have to fall for me." He said smirking.

"Take me home." I said not looking him in the eye. I looked at the floor. I felt like crying, I felt humiliated.

"Why?" He asked. What a stupid question.

"Because I want to go home." I said sounding now more demanding.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you want to go home?" He said. I looked up.

"Take me home." I said looking him in the eye. Our faces were only an inch away from eachother. Everyone keeps invading my personal space. He should be a minimum of a foot away, not an inch.

"And where would that be?" He said.

"Stop playing dumb, you know exactly where I live." I said.

"You are absolutely right. I know where you live, but I don't know where your home is." He said. He is technically right but he is not helping. I got frustrated. I turned around and walked away.

"What are you doing?" Peridot asked.

"Looking for my house." I said not turning around nor stopping.

"Well you're looking in the wrong direction Lazuli. Your house is the opposite way." He said. I turned around and walked right up to him.

"Just take me back! Stop flirting with me! Stop calling me by my last name! And, and stop calling me at all!" I said nearly yelling. Peridot still held a smile.

"Ok. Come on." He turned around and started walking. He gestured for me to follow."Like your hair by the way."

I looked at my hair. By dark blue hair was uncovered. My hood was off. I quickly threw it back on.

"Thats what you were scared of showing?" Peridot said between laughs.

"It's not something I want to talk about." I said.

The minutes passed. Each on came with an eternal silence. Peridot hasn't said anything, and I haven't either. I still didn't recognize any of the houses.

Something stinged under my left sleeve. I was behind Peridot so hopefully he can't see me. I slowly lifted the sleeve up, it kept stinging if the fabric touched my skin. I let out a silent gasp. My face wasn't scratched, but there was a big scratch on my arm. It stung but it also felt itchy at the same time. It was red and there wa some blood come out. Only a little bit though not too much. The inside of the sleeve had a little bit of blood too. I slowly pulles the sleeve on top of the scratch so it wouldn't show.

I walked until I was next to Peridot. I didn't want to, but maybe talking would distract me a little from the pain.

"Who were they?" I asked.

"They are brothers. If you ask about them nobody will know anything except that they scare new people. In the summer they scare every single tourist that comes to Beach City. Don't worry. Those guys don't mess with me, so they won't mess with you again. Besides, what's the fun in playing a trick on someone who already knows all of them." He explained.

"But why doesn't anybody do anything about it?"

"Don't know. But you can't really blame them. When they were kids they're mom abandoned them. Their father was abusive. And well, he shifted good kids into that. When they were like 14 or 15 they arrested their dad." Peridot said. My anger left me and it turned into sadness.

How could people be so cruel?

Thats a questions I've been asking myself for 7 years. Never getting closer to anl justified answer. What can justify physicaly abused kids? They did something wrong is not a justified answer. What about starving kids? Their fat isn't an excuse either.

"I didn't know." I said suddenly feeling more sorry than angry.

We walked in silence for the remainder of the walk. Peridot in front and me behind following. It was a few more minutes until we arrived in fron of my house. It was dark now. I checked my phone for the time. It is 8:47.

"Thanks but you should go." I said.

"Why the rush?" he asked.

"You don't want to stick around to find out." I said as I started to walk to the porch. Peridot grabbed my wrist and turned me around. He held me close. I felt uncomfortable. I've never been this close to someone.

"What if I do?" He said. The door to my house opened.

"I think she'll tell you." I said.

My parents came out of the house and Peridot let go of me. My dad looked half happy half worried. My mom however, looked infuriated. She is very strict about me going out alone, especially at night. And I don't think it makes her happier seeing that Peridot was holding me like that. My mom was looking at Peridot, my dad came to me.

"Honey, you should go inside." My dad said leading me into the house.

I looked back and my mom was yelling at Peridot. Maybe like that he'll leave me alone. I know I'm in trouble so I just went to my room. Jane stood there. She was happy. I'm pretty sure she could hear my mom scolding Peridot. I closed the door. I went to my drawer and and took out a black long sleeve shirt and pants and put them on. I went to the bathroom and put soap on the blood stained sleeve and soaked it with warm water. It would make it easier to wash off. The scratch still stung. I rubbed lotion on it so it wouldn't itch. My mom and dad came in. I pulled my sleeve down to hide it. Jane hid behind my bed.

"What were you doing?" My mother asked. I can't really tell her what I was doing. I can't tell her I went to a party. I can't tell her anything.

"Umm, I, just went out for a walk." I said. That doesn't explain Peridot.

"And, I got lost. Yeah. And Peridot saw me and brought me home." I said. Home, what a funny word.

"Well, how can you explain how and why he was holding you?" she asked. She is right. I can't explain that. She put a hand on my shoulder.

"Be careful. You know I only want whats best for you. It takes only minutes for something innocent to turn into something that might hurt you." She said. It's the same thing she always says, but she is right. It could take less than five minutes for something bad to happen. I hate Peridot for having to hear this again.

"I don't want you near that boy." my mother spoke."Do you understand?"

It was a question. But this happens to all of us. Our superiors ask something and we say what they want to hear. And I am no different.

"Yes ma'am."

"Good. Now go take your pill and get ready to go to sleep." My mother responded.

"Yes ma'am."

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**Hello. Sorry for not updating earlier. Here it is. I'm glad you guys are liking it. I have so much stuff planned. Both sad and happy.****So Lapis hates Peridot. I'd like to hear what you guys think is going to happen.I'll try to update as soon as possible, but I have state tests this and next month and after school rehersals so I'll try my best.****Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Have a good day/night depending on where you live. See you guys next time.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Maybe**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

I get up to my annoying alarm clock again. The same old boring routine. Jane advanced first and turns it off, like me, annoyed. I don't want to get up, I was too tired from yesterday. I pulled up my sleeve. It was looking much better. But the mark still lay there as a reminder of las night. It didn't didn't hurt or itch anymore though.

I smiled at the thought that my mom scolded Peridot yesterday. Maybe he learned his lesson. If he learned his lesson. If he learned his lesson, maybe he will leave me alone. If he leaves me alone, maybe I will finally find some peace. If I find some peace, maybe I'll feel sane.

If, maybe.

How I despise those words of unknown endless possibilities.

Cause I can't find the answer laying in bed all day. I get up and change into a black long sleeve shirt, black jeans and blue hoodie. I tie my white sneakers as Jane helps me make my bed. I comb my hair and go downstairs.

I take out Jane's dog food and her bowls. I give her normal dog food and clean water. Then I look in the fridge and take out a chicken leg. I warm it in the microwave and put it on a plastic plate on the floor. Like me, Jane also takes care of me. In her mouth she has holding my pills. Smiling, I took the pills, put my hand on her head in a thank you gesture. Her tongue was sticking out. She went to her plate and looked at me. She does this as saying a thank you. I nodded. She turned starting to eat. I swallowed my pill with water. I grabbed an apple and went upstairs. A little after Jane followed me.

I made a few more arrangments, washed my teeth and my face and threw my backpack over my shoulder. I went downstairs and opened the door.

"Bye Jane." I said. She barked in responce and I left.

I was walking now. The first few days I got here I spent trying to memorize where everything is. Past experiences and last night prove that I need to know where my house is. I also need to see where I can take Jane on her walks. She needs to get out and exercise. She needs more space than just the backyard.

I had only memorized the way from my house to school and the other way around. Also where the Library is. And that's pretty much it. It's not like I'm gonna need to go other places anyway.

A few minutes passed and I arrived in school. I looked at all the people. Students, teachers staff. Most don't know me. So they probably won't notice me. But definitely my uncovered blue hair.

I'll take that chance.

I went to my locker and opened it. I opened it with ease. Not like those teenage girls in the movies where they fake to have trouble until a boy they think is cute comes and opens it with ease for them. I took out my biology books for my first class.

"Hi Lapis." I closed my locker and looked down.

"Hi Amethyst." I said.

"Love the hair. I've been trying to dye my hair purple, but I don't have the time. It also looks a little weird. But it looks great on you." She said smiling.

"Yeah, it looks nice." said a boy behind her. He had black curly hair and brown eyes. He was wearing a red shirt with a yellow star in the middle and blue jeans.

"Lazuli, this is Steven Quartz Universe." Amethyst said inroducing the boy. The boy stretched out his hand.

"Nice to meet you Lapis." he said. I looked at the hand.

"What's wrong?" he asked confused.

"She's not a big fan of hand shaking." Amethyst whispered to Steven. Maybe she thought I couldn't hear her. I smiled nervously.

"Oh, it's ok. Lapis this is Sapphire and Ruby." Steven said pointing at two girls behind him holding hands. I'm not big on relationships, but I know a couple when I see one. They might be girls, but who am I to jugde? In fact they look cute together.

"Nice to meet you Lapis." said Sapphire.

"Nice to meet you too." I said.

Why had they all come here? Why are they all smiling? Why is there so much silence? Why are they staring at me?

"Well see you guys later." Amethyst said waving her friends off. She then turned to me.

"So, how was yesterday?" she asked.

"What?" I asked confused as to what she ment exactly. She couldn't possibly know what happened last night. Unless, Peridot told her. They do seem close though.

"You know, your first day of school." She said. I chuckled relieved.

"Great. Could have been better." I said nervously.

"Why? What happened?" asked Amethyst eager to know.

"More like who happened." I said correcting her. We started walking twords biology.

"Let me guess, Peridot." she asked. I widened my eyes.

"Your a great guesser." I said.

"It's not rocket science. Peridot's a flirt. He's been a flirt since he came to Beach City." she said.

"He didn't grow up here?" I asked cofused.

Peridot wasn't from here. Like me. But he's been like this since he got here. Something must have happened. I've seen situations like this before. So something must have happened that made them move, therefore explaining why Peridot is the way he is.

And what if I'm wrong?

What if he is natrully a jerk? What if his parents are just as bad? Or worse? They could be criminals! I don't want to think bad about them, but what can I think if Peridot is just, so...so... Peridot! How was he raised?

"No. He has never said where he came from. He's been living here since elementry school. He got here like 7 or 8 years ago. He was like, 11. He just turned 19 yesterday." Amethyst said.

"19?!"

"Yup. Some people think it's because since he's so rebelious he got held back. But he says it's just a weird thing with the hospital back from where he grew up, that they mixed his records up a bit." she said.

19! He is 19. He must be the oldest student in the school! Unless of course someone else has the same record problem. I thought he was my age. Or at least a year older. Normally when your 17 you go to college. He would be in his second year in college by now.

I wish he would be in college right now. So I would have never met him. How I wish for things to have gone like that instead. I never want to see his face again. But that's impossible. So for now I'll settle with not having to hear his annoying voice trying to flirt with me.

I sighed.

"Can we talk about something else?" I asked though it wasn't a question.

"Sure. Just one piece of advice: Peridot is very stubborn when he wants something. Also, he's a ladies man." Amethyst.

That's great advise. He's stubborn something good to know, but maybe give me some advise on how to avoid him. But now I have another reason to keep away from him. He must be flirting with different girls all the time. I wonder if girls are ok with that? I know I wouldn't.

"Ok." Was the only thing I said. We walked in silence to our biology classroom.

When we got there, we both sat at the back of the room next to eachother. The class started and the teacher started talking. I wasn't listening, neither was Amethyst. I zoned out. Thinking about other things. Biology wasn't something that interested me. I'm not sure why we need to learn biology at all. I know we use it to understand the human body, but it makes me uncomfortable. Biology is not something I want to study. I think I rather be a elementry school teacher. I love little kids, and teaching, talking, and spending time with them always makes me smile. Sometimes for the last few years, I would babysit and tutor little kids. I always looked forward to seeing them, and they always loved me. Some little kids I use to babysit would dress up Jane. She would always hide, but they always found her. I would stare at them from the door as they dressed her in a ballet costume, with pink lipstick, and Jane just stared at me. I wonder if I could babysit here? That would be great.

Biology class finished. Next class was science. One of my classes with Peridot. I sighed. Why? Peridot isn't as bad as other boys I've seen in my past, but that doesn't make him a saint. And I wish he would just stop flirting with me, and calling me by my last name, and the way he touches me. No one has ever touched me like that. Especially the not the day I meet them. Peridot is different. Amethyst is right, he is stubborn. I wonder how much time it's going to take for him to realize that I am not interested. Not interested in him or anybody else. That I just want to be alone. That I don't need nor want any distractions with pretty faces painted on. He is cute. But I will not bring myself to be distracted by someone who has flirted and probably slept with half the school. He is the kind of person my mother warned me about when I was younger. About his sweet talk, how they are straight forward, how they only show you and tell you what you want to see and hear. About how he will lure you in, play with you, and then throw you back in the sea and do the same thing with the rest of the fish out there. I will not let anybody play with me. Not again.

I walked to science. I wonder if Peridot will be there today? I need to avoid him. At any cost possible. I will not have him flirting with me for about 45 minutes. But he will only flirt with me until he gets what he wants. He is not really interested in me. I don't blame him though. Who would?

"Hi." I turned around to meet a pale face.

"Hello. My name is Pearl. You must be Lapis Lazuli." she said. She stretched her hand out to me. I just looked at it. Pearl. Peridot mentioned something about her.

"Pearl organizes a birthday party for me every year. It's thoughtfull, but creepy" he says with a paranoid look.

Does she stalk him? Or does he just not like her? She has pale skin aqua green eyes, a pointy nose that looks a little funny, pointy strawberry hair. She is a full inch taller than me. She is skinny, and pretty. Enough to suit Peridot's needs. If he even has any needs or priorites in life.

"Aren't you gonna say something?" she asked still smiling.

"Hi." Was the only thing I managed to say. She retracted her hand a little confused.

"You got here yesterday right? I am part of the welcoming comitee, so I will be showing you around." she said. Showing me around? Peridot did that yesterday. I opened my mouth about to object, but I rememberd. I need to avoid Peridot at all cost. Besides, it will refresh my memory.

"Ok. Thank you." I said.

"Don't mention it." she said as she turned around and started walking. I didn't know the tour had already started so I ran to keep up.

She started talking. Honestly I was not paying attention. I let my mind wander to other things again. I nodded annd responded with a shrug or a yeah to whatever she was talking to me about. Though whenever I did pay attention, it seemed as if she were only talking about herself. Girls are so self centric sometimes. But boys, boys are just never satisfied with what they have. I've seen the way they are, both girls and boys alike are opposites, and that scares me.

She kept talking, my mind kept wandering, but we kept walking.

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Time Skip

I left school. I did my best to avoid Peridot that day. Though I almost bumped into him a few times. I had lunch with Amethyst and her friends. But I only had an apple.

I took my things from my locker and headed to my house. I wonder if Peridot will follow me home again. I wonder if Peridot will just appear again, like hes done various time since only yesterday.

I checked every corner in case he or anybody else was there. I checked both sides before I crossed the street. I was now like a paranoid little girl. Was I paranoid? I was acting paranoid. Maybe I was a little.

I got to my house and opened the door. I went in and locked it. Jane was there.

"Hi Jane." I said bending over. She sniffed me in case I had a foreign scent. She waggs her tail happily when she doesn't. I giggle. We both go up to my room and lay on my bed. After a few second I sit up straight and take a book out of my backpack.

"Ready for another chapter?" I asked Jane. In response she barked. I layed back on my bed, Jane right next to me. I began to read out loud, making the dialogue sound as stated. I made gestures with my hands and changed my voice accordingly to what was going on. We read for about an hour before we stopped. I gave Jane a small snack before starting to work on my homework. Math was not a difficult subject for me, but I didn't unserstand it one hundred percent either.

After a few hours my parents arrived. My father came up to my room and hugged me.

"How's my little girl?" asked my father hugging me from behind my desk.

"I'm ok." I said smiling. My father is very playful. He is the only one of both my parents that is supportive. My father opened his mouth to say something else, but my mother called us for dinner. I looked at Jane, a sign for her to come too. She also had dinner with us. Though my mom is not a big fan.

My dad and I washed our hands and went downstairs. We sat at the table with my mother. I pulled open a chair for Jane. We were having Pasta. Her bowl of Pasta was also on the dinner table, but it was warm. Not hot. Jane does not eat hot food. She can't cool it on her own. We sat down at the table and we started eating our Pasta. I was just half way through when my mom spoke.

"So Lapis, how was school?" she asked.

"Ok." I said with a small smile. She talked without looking up from her bowl. Her icy blue eyes emotionless and intimidating at the same time.

"Do you have any new friends?" Her long blond curls and sharp eyes made her look nothing like me. She lookes like a complete opposite.

I know exactly where she is going with this.

"Yes, I do." I said trying to make my message clear. She does not get it. If she does, she doesn't care.

"How about the one from last night? You didn't befreind him, did you?" she asked still not looking up at me.

"No ma'am. I have avoided Peridot all day. He is not my friend." I said giving her my assurance.

"That's his name, Peridot. I knew the name he had given me was false. Hedid not apear when I searched him up." she said. She kept speaking though I was not listening.

She searched Peridot up. Why? I shouldn't be surprised. She does this if she thinks a friend of mine isn't suitable for my needs. Whatever that means.

Maybe I should search him up.

It sounds crazy. I'm not going to search him up. I'm not going to be a stalker. Besides, I want nothing to do with him. Why would I search him up? I spent the whole day trying to avoid him to just bump into him on the internet. But I might just also not tell her about Ruby and Sapphire. She won't think they are a good influence. She doesn't think anybody is a good influence. My mom is very picky.

"Lapis!" said my mom looking at me.

"Yes? Ma'am?" I asked.

"Tell me about your friends." she said. Why?

"I met this girl called Amethyst, she is very nice." I said. There was more to Amethyst, but I could only tell her what she needs to hear.

"I also met this kid called Steven. He is very kind. His mother is the principal, his father is a musician." I said.

"Musicians. Let me guess, rock, hip-hop, and all those other musics. What happened to the classics? Blues? Jazz? What happened to Beethoven?" she asked. Though the words fell on deaf ears as she got no responce. My dad was about to answer, but immediately decided against it.

I pushed the chair back. Jane had finished her Pasta, she stood up.

"Thanks for dinner." I said. I stood up and took my pills from the counter. My parents watched as I walked to my room.

I had lost my appetite.

I went to my room and waited for Jane to enter. Then I closed the door. I changed into my pijamas and took my pill. I have a mirror in my bathroom. Though you could open it to reveal a small storing area. I put my pills there.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I layed on my bed and covered myself with the sheets. Jane layed next to me with her back on the bed. I hugged her diggin my face into her fur. It was so soft.

I began to think abour things. About my mom, my dad, Amethyst and her friends, Pearl, Peridot, this place. But I got tired.

Maybe if...

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

**Hi guys. This is a new chapter. Obviously, what would it be.**

**Anyways, hope you guys liked it. You got to see a little bit of Pearl. You go to see Lapis' parents and all that.**

**Lapis wants nothing to do with Peridot.**

**Let me know what you think. And always, tell me how I can improve.**

**Have a good day/night.**

**See you guys next time.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Weekends**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

It's the weekends. My first weekend in this exhausting place. Thankfully since it is Saturday I can sleep in late.

I've had my first week in school. It's been exhausting avoiding Peridot for this week. But I have not interacted with him since my first day.

I lay on my bed. I was awake, but my eyes are closed. Enjoying the morning of a 2 day brake. The weekends might go fast, but I enjoy every brief second of it. I could feel Jane's fur on whatever of my skin was left uncovered.

My curtains were closed, so it looks dark. I enjoy being in the sun, but there are times were you just want to be in a dark place. I look at my clock on the tiny drawer next to my bed. It was almost noon. I did not care. I could stay in bed all day if I wanted to.

Jane put her head on mine and I laughed. I turned to make myself comfortable. I had a long sleeve shirt and shorts on. After a minute Jane removed her head and started growling.

"Jane, shush." I whispered trying to get her to quiet down. She whined and was then quiet. Jane started tugging on my ear with her nose. Her nose was cold and moist.

"Jane stop it." I said.

She stopped it. She growled again. Light came into my room. I opened my eyes. I was paralyzed again. I slowely turned around.

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty."

I screamed an fell out of bed with my bed sheets. Jane was quick to react and she jumped before she could also fall. I grabbed any random pants within reach and tugged it on over my shorts. I grabbed my sweater which was in my drawer. I quickly put it on. I stood up.

"Why do you scream?" asked Peridot.

"Who do you think you ar-" I was interupted.

"It's amazing how you don't remember." he said.

"Remember? Remember what!" I yelled.

"That doesn't matter right now." he said.

"That doesn't matter? That doesn't matter! You are in my room! Why the hell would that not matter?!" I said nearly yelling.

"First of all, calm down." he said.

There is no use in fighting with him.

"First of all? First of all get out of my house. Then maybe, probably not, talk." I said. Peridot looked away then sighed.

"How's your wrist?" Peridot asked.

I became perplexed. Nothing is wrong with my wrist. What's he talking about? I would have started laughing if I didn't remember what happened the other night.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"I know a lot about you Lazuli." he said. That is just creepy. Is he stalking me?

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like how old you are, where you are from, ho-" he started.

"Why and how do you know so much about me?" I asked. He looked at me up and down as if checking me out.

"How strongly do you want to know?" he asked.

"I want to know." I said.

"Then come along." he said starting to walk to my door.

I stared confused. I was about to protest but I know I will never win. I looked over at Jane. She looked at me as if not wanting me to go. I turned around and followed.

Maybe I can figure out some things.

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Time Skip

Peridot and I walked. In silence. He had a smirk all over his face. It made me scared and curious. People only smile like that when they have accomplished something or when they know what is going to happen. And only they are ready for it. It scares me, but makes me want to know. When you get the urge when you just need to find something out and not even your fear can stop you.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked.

"I figured we would just go for a walk." Peridot said looking at me from the egde of his eyes.

"Why could we not just stay at my house then?" I asked. He looked away as if embarrassed.

"What? Are you scared of Jane?" I sakd teasing.

"No!" he said looking at me. I laughed.

"Do you think being scared of my dog will ruin your reputation with the ladies?" I said between laughs.

"No. Actually ladies like a sensible man." he said. I rolled my eyes. A sensible guy? So are we gonna classify each girl by the kind of guy they like now? We do not like a certain type of guy. We like whoever pleases and respects us. And also whoever is as dumb enough to believe in the nonsense of true love.

"And what are you, a expert on girls?" I asked smirking.

"Maybe not. But I know what every girl in school likes, and how. And you are not so easy. And I like a challenge." he said looking at me flirtatiously. I blushed and look away hopeing he doesn't notice.

What does he mean by that? He could mean many things. He could like me, not very possible, he could just like how I look, or he might just want sex, which would be too bad for him. This is why I find people like him anoying sometimes. Cause you have no idea what they actually mean.

"I am not going to fall for some sweet talk. Words are words. That is all they are to me. Words. Any one can say them, actions are sort of the same to me too. You can fake them." I said.

"What tragic love story did you leave behind?" he asked laughing.

"Not really a tragic love story. More like a story." I said. I don't need to tell him any more. He doesn't need to know more that what he might already know.

"So you got trust issues. I get it. We've all had them at some point in our lives." Peridot said. Maybe I could use this in my favor.

"Have you ever had trust issues?" I asked looking at him. He didn't speak. He looked surprised at the question.

"Y-yeah Peridot have you e-e-ever h-had trust issues?" I stopped. So did Peridot. I turned around and was left speechless.

"What are you doing here Luke?" asked Peridot frustrated.

The kid was a few inches smaller than me. He had blond hair like Peridot, green eyes like Peridot, his skin was like Peridot's. He had a dark blue shirt on and a black leather jacket. He did not have visors though. I looked at him up and down. I turned to look at Peridot and looked at him up and down. My eye twitched a little bit. One is already enough. Why another one?

The Luke kid came closer to me and took my hand. "I-i take it that-that-that you a-are Lapis Lazuli."

He placed a light kiss on my hand surprising me and I pulled it back. Out of the corner of my eye I see Peridot's reaction. He is speechles, shocked, mad, and frustrated.

This Luke kid stutters a lot. I wonder why. But apart from that the kid is adorable. He looks like a younger and cuter version of Peridot.

"My name-name is Lucas I a-a-am-am Peridot's younger and m-more charming b-bro-bro-brother. But you c-can just c-call m-me-me Luke." he said.

"Everyone calls you Luke." said Peridot.

"And not every-everyone knows you h-have daddy is-sues." Luke said. I couldn't help but smirk at that comment. One look at Peridot and I blushed and looked away no longer smirking. Daddy issues. He has issues with his father. I wonder why.

"Congr-gr-congragulations. You are one-one of the 7 peo-pe-people who know about his da-daddy-daddy issues." Luke wispered. I smiled.

The kid is not charming or a flirt like Peridot. But he has game. And he is funnier than Peridot. Peridot looks jealous. I'll keep talking to Luke if it makes him mad. He will eventually get the idea that I am not into him and Luke seems to tell me more about him than Peridot does. To be honest I just want to know how he knows so much about me.

"How old are you?" I asked Luke.

"I am-am 15." Luke responded.

"So you are younger than me." I stated.

"Yes. But I'm-I'm more m-mature than Peridot." he said. I giggled.

"I heard that." Peridot spoke.

Luke ignored him and started walking. I followed and we talked. Peridot quick at our heels. He kept on stuttering, but I did my best to ignore it. We walked for a few minutes. Peridot talked a little bit, but Luke would cut him off. Peridot goves Luke glares, and Luke just smiles devilishly. Rivalry. I have seen it countless times. And it only gets dumber. It is stupid. I if had a sister or a brother I wouldn't fight with them, I would spend all day with them. Given that I talk to a dog. But Jane is more than a dog. She is my sister

It became noon and Peridot was now next to me. Him and his younger brother were still doing the same thing. I felt uncomfortable. Not just because of them, but because I also had my jeans over my shorts. Over this brotherly bickering I haven't figured out anything. Just that had daddy issues. And that is not taking me anywhere.

We were walking on the curb when just then Peridot pulled me back.

"What ar-" I started but got interuppted. He just told me to be quiet.

"Luke!" said a familiar feminine voice. Luke had his eyes wide and he looked scared. I looked at Peridot. He smirked but I could also see the nervousness. I poked my head out a little bit.

It was Pearl.

"Hey Luke!" she said, though I could only hear. I could not see them.

"H-Hi P-P-earl-Pearl." Luke responded. He is still stuttering.

"Do you happen to know where Peridot is?" I heard her ask.

"Umm, n-no." Luke responed.

"You hesitated." she said.

"I'm j-just-just nervous." he said. He took a step back so now we could see him.

"Why?" she asked.

Luke's eyes turned our way for a second then they looked at her again. I heard Pearl gasp for a second.

"Do you have friend?" she asked almost sounding surprised.

"What n-no. I-I-I ju-ju-just saw s-s-something." he said again stuttering. I giggled. Peridot put a hand on my mouth to stop me. Surprisingly he didn't make any other movements to touch me. I looked over at Luke he looked at us for a second a little more nervous.

"You sure?" asked Pearl. I tried to get Peridot's hand away from me. He eventually took it away.

"Ye-yesss?" asked Luke.

"Was that a question?" Pearl asked. Luke shook his head.

"Why d-don't you g-go look for him-him on the be-beach. You know-know hi-him." Luke then said smiling. All his nervousness disappeared. He even winked at her and at us. But he still stuttered. Will she believe his lie. An innocent lie to protect his older brother, though they were just fighting without having to communicate directly.

"Sure. But if you see him, call me." she said.

"Of course. Don't-don't worry ab-about that. I-I'll let you kn-know as s-soon as I see hi-him." he said waving goodbye. Then he let out a sigh in relief. He turned to us.

"That gets har-hard-harder every t-time." he said finally letting his nervousness show again.

"Thanks. That was great." Peridot said as he messed with his hair.

"She gets sm-smarter and more-more stubborn. I st-still rem-remember la-last time." Luke said. They both were thinking of something, then they shivered.

"You saved me from another nightmare once again little brother." Peridot said smiling.

"Your-your welcome." Luke said. They were both smiling.

It is weird. They were just arguing and now they are praising eachother. I wonder how that works. I wonder if they are like this all the time. I wont know. I don't want to know. Peridot will only get more involved in my life. And it seems that no matter what I do to keep him away, he just finds a way to get closer. I wish I knew how he did it. I wish I knew how they all did it. I wish I knew why.

"Lazuli!" I snapped out of my thoughts. Peridot and Luke stare at me. Luke inspecting me. As if I were a puzzle to which he had to find the solution to. Peridot didn't look at me much he pat me on my back which caused me to take a step forward in order to gain balance.

"What'da think of Luke's little skill?" he asked smiling.

"Ummm." I wouldn't actually call it a skill if he was stuttering. But I think that is how he is. So maybe that is why she bought that lie. Because they can't seperate the nervousness from the stuttering. It is an advantage he has, but I can't imagine living a life being able to only stutter. I would never be able to have a normal conversation with someone. Or they might think that I am making fun of them. I feel bad for little Luke.

"Can I ask something?" I asked.

"Was that question what you wanted to ask or do you have a good question?" he asked. I rolled my eyes and ignored that question.

"Why does Luke stutter a lot?" I asked. The question didn't startled him.

He looked over at Luke whom was kicking some rocks and completly ignoring us. He looked somewhat more uncomfortable than startled. He turned back to me but looked at the floor. He rubbed the back of his neck and hesitated. Then he lifted his head to meet my gaze.

"Luke is a good kid. He's a little like Steven, but tries to be a bit like me sometimes." he paused and looked at me. He still hadn't answered my question. He never does. Maybe he looked at me to make sure I wasn't reacting the wrong way. Or getting the wrong idea. That is cliche. But it is still a nice gesture. Brother Rivalry. But they still have eachother back to keep anyone from stabbing it. To keep the other from falling and hitting his head. I should know.

But I don't.

I don't have anybody to trust. Not out here.

"Luke was diagnosed with a speech disorder. When he was young. He stutters a lot. Which you have already figured out, but we've done our best to cope with it. He has done his best to cope with it. It's not easy to live 16 years stuttering." he said. I imagine Luke if he didn' t have a speech disorder. Would he be like Peridot? When I first saw Luke, I thought he was going to be like Peridot. But I was wrong. That is people's problems sometimes we jugde to quickly. And like other people, I do too.

"I actually prefer him this way. Cause then he'd be like you. And just you is one too many." I said smiling at him. He smirked.

"Am I too much for you to handle?" he asked.

"No. Just too cliche and sour for my taste." I say keeping my pride where he can see it. He grabs my hand.

"Sh-she's good. And you-you're bad a-at-at flir-flir-flirting." says Luke stuttering but making an attempt to help me out. Peridot lets go of my hand. Peridot is right. The kid has a good heart. Sort of like the Steven kid.

"Do want to make punch lines now kid?" ask Peridot.

"N-no." Luke says.

"Yeah cause you know you'd lose." Peridot says teasing him.

"No. It's be-because you'll-you'll lose. An-and I don't wan-want you to feel-feel emb-embarras-emarrased." Luke said.

"Aww." I said.

"Be lucky to have Luke. He saved your butt from ambarrasment." I say in the same sly tone and smile he used on me.

"You're not so bad kid." Peridot said."Though you could be annoying sometimes."

"J-just to-to you-you-you." Luke said smirking.

Brothers, huh? Who would have thought that someone so sweet and kind and adorable, could be related, or even brother, to Peridot? It seems impossible.

But then again, so do weekends.

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hello guys. I know I delayed a little, not giving excuse(i've been busy). So, I wanted to know, if you all would like, in a future chapter for me to make a chapter in Peridot's P.O.V. or Jane's, or anyones. But just saying, if I make ot about Peridot, it will not be with Lapis in the chapter. Just though his P.O.V. in his house woth his (*drumroll* can you guess* bet you cant) his parents and Luke.****Oh and if you are wondering why Peridot has a younger brother, and why he has a speech disorder, so you can see more about people with problems, of course it is part of the story. I am not getting rid of him. But also so you can see about not common disorders.****You can tell me if there is one specific disorder, syndrome or just anything you would like me to make a character about.****Also please let me know from whose P.O.V. you would like to see in future chapter.****And the story is not finished. At my pace, it could take years. But it'll be fun.****Thanks, and comment. Have a good day or night. You know it already. You have it memorized so I am not gonna write it again. Bye.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Routine**

**Lapis P.O.V.**

School is done. At least for today. I still got a few months to go.

A few things have changed over the last month since I started talking to Peridot and since I met Luke. Now he comes to my house every day, after school. And he always comes at the same time. Jane has learned to get used to it. She doesn't like it, but she's used to it.

I have to admit though, having Peridot around isn't as bad as I thought it would be. He is annoying and stubborn, but he's smart. Suprisingly.

He helps me out sometimes, and since we have a few classes together, we work on them together. Sometimes he just gives me the answers so we can be done with it.

He also asks me on dates a lot. He says they aren't dates, but it's Peridot after all. He considers our little study hours a date. But he leaves before my parents can come back to the house.

I actually feel bad about lying to them.

Well is it really lying if you don't tell them? No. It is not. It is a secret. Not a lie. A simple thing that happens that they don't know. Nothing really does happen. But I can't tell my parents. At least not my mom. She will kill Peridot. If she finds him near me, after she specifically told him not to come near me, she will kill him with just her stare. And I will also die.

She will probably send me to boarding school. Great. I've given her a good reason to get rid of me if she finds out. Like she's wanted since seven years ago. Since I'm no good for her anymore, I'm just a waste of space, water, electricity, and money. And it'll cost her more if she sends me to boarding school, but for her, It'll be worth it. One less burden. One less mouth to feed. One less problem, gone.

My father not so sure though. He does love me and support me. Me and him have many secrets that we don't tell mom. If my dad found out that Peridot comes to the house every day, after school on a daily basis, if I ask him to, and if Peridot is respectful and doesn't blow it, he might keep the secret. If mom finds out he will defend me. He'll also argue with mom if she says she will send me to boarding school. Though I do realise that they don't get along much or at all. Maybe that is why my mom is the way she is. Cause her life is miserable, she makes herself miserbale all the time and blames it on us. I know my parents don't get along. They practicaly hate eachother. But at least I have parents. That is the least I should be thanful for. For having parents and not being an orphan or a bastard. I should be thankful for that. But sometimes I forget that even though I have problems, that I should be greatful for the things other people don't have.

Like parents who hate eachother.

I walk to my house and go to my room. I prepare my things and start doing my homework while I sit on my bed. Peridot should be here in a few minutes.

Even though we have known eachother for about a month now, I still don't consider Peridot my friend. And he doesn't really know me. He just knows the basic stuff. At least I think he does. If he knows more about me, he doesn't let on. And I want to know exactly how much he knows about me. Why and how. Just to make sure he doesn't know anything he isn't supposed to know. Like the reason I keep moving.

Even if I'm all alone with Jane, and even after seven years, I still find it difficult to talk about it, to mention it. Even if the subject isn't directed to me. If you watch closely, you can see that it affects when I hear people talk about it. I do my best to ignore it, but it's hard.

It never gets easier, it just becomes routine.

I find myself chewing on my pencil. I throw it and put my hands over eyed in frustration.

"School tough?" asks Peridot. I open my eyes. He holds my pencil.

"Wow. How would you know?" I say sarcastically rolling my eyes.

He hands me my teeth dented pencil and he lays down beside me. I just look at him.

"Your not gonna say anything?" I asked.

"Why should I? Are you hurt?" he asks.

"No." I say

"Are you dying?"

"No."

"Do you wanna go on a date with me?"

"No."

"Then no." he says. I sigh in defeat.

"Then at least help me with this. We have a project to do." I say gesturing to the homework on my lap. He sigh and stands up. It's a chemsitry project. We have to write an explanation and create a diagram about how oxegyn and hydrogen mix together to make H2O.

"Sure." He says. He explains it to me and I wrote it down. It is due next week, so I'll be able to pass it on to clean paper later on. Peridot tells me he'll send me a picture of the diagram later. He got my phone number. I don't know how. But I know it involves something with computers and sleep. At least that's what he's told me. But other than that I haven't the faintest clue.

We finish our homework in about an hour or so. By then it's nearly five. So I go down to the kitchen. Both Jane and Peridot follow.

I look into the fridge and take out eggs, milk, butter sticks, and chocolate chips. I go the counter and take out flour, vanilla extract, and other materials to make cookies.

I set the oven to pre-heat it. Peridot and Jane stare at me as I empty the flour into a bowl and pour milk on it.

"Since when can you cook?" Peridot asks.

"So that's something you don't know." I say as I start to mix the flour and milk.

"I'm not psychic either lazuli." he said. Mixing might as well may be the most tiring part of baking.

"When I saw...a litte...girl. My parents...weren't home much. And I didn't have any...money to buy groceries...or to order...food." I said pausing since mixing was difficult. I stopped mixing.

"Mom was too busy to leave me anything cooked and edible. I had to make what I could with what I got." I said putting the bowl in front of Peridot on the table.

"Can you bake?" I asked. Peridot took the mixing think, that I don't know what it's name is, and started mixing it.

"Believe it or not, yes I can." he said.

"Hard to believe." I said.

"One day I'ma cook you something and you'll take that back." He says mixing without trouble.

"You don't evem know if I'm allergic to anything." I say taking the butter stick and spreading it around the pan.

"You're wrong." he says standing next to me holding the bowl and mixing.

"You're not allergic to anything. You don't like eating fish, cow, pork, or turkey, the only meat you like eating is chicken. Your favortite food is chicken sandwiches with lettuce, mayo, ketchup and a side of fresh oranges. Also your favorite drink is lemonade. And I know that your favorite dessert is chocolate cheese cake. You don't like cake cause it's too sweet. At least I think that's how you still are." he says still mixing as if it were nothing. My eyes widen and I stop what I'm doing. I turn to look at him but he doesn't look.

He's right. I like only chicken, my favorite food is chicken sandwiches just as he described it. I like oranges as my favorite fruit. And my favorite dessert is cheese cake. Chocolate specifically. I don't like cake. I love lemonade. But there's something else that catches my attention.

"At least I think that's how you still are."

Why does he always say thimgs like that? At least I think that's how you still are.

"What do you mean 'at least I think that's how you still are'?" I ask as I put the butter stick down and take the bottle of vanille extract. I open it and pour about a spoon of it in the bowl while Peridot still mixes.

"I mean exactly as you hear." he says. I take the chocolate chip bag and open it.

"What exactly am I hearing?" I ask turning his own question around. I don't expect him to answer the questio. He never does. And he doesn't dissapoint me.

"Your hearing that I'm done mixing." He says as he gives me the bowl. I take it angrily. I take a handful of chocolate chips and pour them into the bowl. I take another hanful and do the same. I repeat it another two times until Peridot notices and takes my hands pushing the bag away.

"I think that's enough." he says. Even though we always get into fights like these, and he never answers my questions. It still makes me angry and frustrated. He doesn't let go immediately of my hand. He rubs it a little. For a moment.

"Your skin is soft, you know?" I don't answer. Even when we are figjting he finds a way to be a flirt. He lets go of me and lets me mix the batter and the chocolate chips. I think I did put too many. Good thing they were small. He sits down across from me and watches me work. I don't look up to see him though I know his stare is focused on me.

"Sorry I can't answer your questions. Ok." he says. I don't hesitate.

"Your not sorry you don't want to answer my questions, your sorry I don't like you. Cause that's the only reason your here isn't it." I say looking up to see him.

"You're right. I'm sorry you don't like me. I am sorry I don't want to answer your questions. And that is not the only reason I'm here." Peridot says defensively.

"Than why are you here? Cause instead of helping you're just making me madder!" I say nearly screaming. Tears threaten to fall but I don't let them.

"If you want to cry just cry. If you want to scream just scream. But don't accuse me of things I'm not doing." Peridot repeats matching my tone. As expected he doesn't answer my question.

I take a breath and calm myself down. He is right. It's not him I'm mad at. Well, at least not right now. There will be plenty more things to be mad at him for. But this is not one of them. I'm mad at the same person he's scared of. Pearl.

I don't cry. I still have enough pride in me left to not let him see me break down. And I don't yell. Cause he is not the reason I am mad.

Even though wjat I think of him, I can not bring myself to yell at him. Jane thinks the same not flinching, but still expecting a reaction from me. She knows I don't like Peridot, but I don't hate him anymore either.

I give the cookie batter their form on the pan and I put them in the oven. I plop down across from Peridot and sigh.

"Do you think Luke would like them?" I asked.

"Of course. He'll eat 'em all he wouldn't care if he had a sugar rush then crash. Honestly he enjoys it, and so do I. I can get some peace and quiet." he says. I gave a small smile. Peridot looked at me with a flirtatious look. I giggled. Jane looked at me and I stopped. I looked away blushing. Peridot reached out to take my hand but I pulled away.

Peridot is not as bad as I thought. I know he could be worse like I know he could be better. And he is being gentle. A flirt, straight up, but more gentle than he usually is. I see that. I hate that. I hate it when people treat me like I'm as fragile as glass.

But I like how he handles it.

He isn't tough on me, but he isn't too gentle either. He knows exactly how far too go. He knows exactly how to charm me. I just don't let it show. He knows a lot about me. He's proved that over the last month. He proved that right now. I don't like him. But I'm afraid I could like him if I let him. But that won't happen. I don't want that to happen, and Jane will help me not let that happen.

The alarm rang. I turned it off and put gloves on to take the tray out. I put them on the stove to let them cool off. I go sit down. I did put many chocolate chips in them. Peridot notices.

"Don't worry. Like I said, Luke'll eat 'em." Peridot said. I forced a smile. Before he could realize it is forced, I look away again.

"It's not that. You're acting as if today never happened." I say controlling myself from another outburst.

"I'm not acting as if today never happened, just you haven't brought up that you want to talk about it." he says. I hate it when he turns my frases around like that. It makes me feel stupid.

"Well I want to talk about it." I say.

"Then talk." Peridot says leaning back in the chair.

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Today started off as a normal day. As normal as it gets for me anyway. Normal has a limit.

I was walking with Peridot, discussing the chemistry project. But we don't walk together that often, don't get the wrong idea.

So we were talking and then Pearl showed up. With her sisters I think they are Blue Pearl and Yellow Pearl. If they have a first name, I wonder if Pearl has a first name. It coule be White Pearl or just Pearl, but I don't really care enough to find out.

Pearl started talking to Peridot all flirtatiously. He looked uncomfortable I almost smirked. But then she noticed me and told me to mind my own business. But it's not just that she snapped at me for just being there, no, she said it with so much sass I was afraid she would explode. Now that I think about it, the way she said it makes me laugh. But not her intention. Now I undertsand Peridot's warnings of her from the beginning. No offence, but she could be a real bitch when she wants to. And I think I'm gonna be seing that more often, especially since I stood up to her and embarrased her in front of Peridot.

Her sister Yellow, was more like a sidekick if she needed back up. But Blue wasn't really on her side. She kinds helped me out a bit. She's not that bad, you could say she's an ally. Not a friend, at least not yet, or I don't think so. But she is an ally. After Pearl and Yellow were leaving, she said to be careful not to trigger her before Pearl called her as calmly as possibly cause she was mad. I get a feeling I won't be getting more tours from her. Good. I don't want them.

She was trying to flirt with Peridot in front of me. That was weird, gross, and creepy. Seeing a girl flirt with him, and him be uncomfortable instead of the other way around except the girl completly falling for those cliche pick up lines, was astonishing. Makes me wonder tons of things. Makes me mad. When she finally noticed me there, she started trying to insult me. Peridot tried to defend me, but I told him and his cliche pick up lines to stay out of it. Of course I didn't exactly say that but he got the idea. So instead I ended up humiliating her, and now I'm on her bad side as she put it. She didn't exactly say that, she said it way much ruder but I don't want to summerize everything. So my conlusion is basically that she is a bitch.

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Peridot listens while I talk. At least I think he listens. I don't care. At least he's letting me talk. When I finally finish, he speaks

"Why didn't you let me speak?" he asked.

"I don't want you doing my things for me." I say. He laughs. Then he looks at me with a flirtatatous look and he reaches for my hands. He takes them and holds them tight. Luckily he doesn't squeeze. I don't pull away, yet. He lrans in a bit and smiles.

"Really?" he asks.

"Yes." I say leaning closer.

"You're funny." he says closer.

"That makes two of us." I say. I know exactly what he is trying to do. But I got my back up. He leans in closer. Before he could blink Jane is already on him as he lays on the floor. I laugh.

"You're so funny. Jane." I say. I call her, she looks up and comes twords me. I open a jar and take out a dog treat. I take one out and throw it and Jane catches it. She does that to make me laugh, and I appreciate it. Peridot is also funny, in his, own, tiny, little, special, way. I think that again more than twice. Funny. Huh. I guess.

He gets up. He loks at me while he wipes Jane's salive off his face. I watch him from my seat.

"You're smart." he says.

"Not smart, just realistic." I say. It's true. I'm not the smartest person, but I'm not the dumbest either. And it's thanks to reality that I have the knowledge. Knowledge I should have taken time to know, and shouldn't have learned in a matter of months.

I take a cookie from the pan and split it in half. I give half to Peridot and I get the other half. I take a bite and my tongue feels as if I were buried alive in a room of sugar. Of course it's not that sugary, but you can certainly feel it. But I ate it anyway. Peridot seems to think the same thing.

"Luke'll eat enough for both of us and your mut." he said. Jane looked at him. When you see a dog, you might think that they can't really show what they are feeling or thinking or that they don't think at all. But Jane has her ways of getting her ideas and thoughts through to anybody.

"You should watch what you call her." I say."She can be a handful sometimes."

He just keeps staring at Jane. She looks at him without blinking. She is a canine and it is her nature to be intimidating yet be adorbale. But she can be both. I've seen it.

"Then what do you want me to call her? My sister in law?" he asked. I raised an eye brow.

"Excuse me but I don't know in what type of world you're living in, but I am sure as hell, it isn't one where you and I are together." I say. He's crazy. Maybe he's having a sugar rush from the cookie. Half, a...cookie. It was a lot of chocolate chips. And a lot of sugar. And too much of him. Maybe one too many.

"I love this game." he says.

"This isn't a game. This is life, and this is my house, and you're not even supposed to be here." I say.

"Then why do you let me stay?" he says. I was about to speak before he spoke again.

"Without you're mo-parents' consent." He says giving me a grin. That grin I fear. When he uses my actions to flirt with me.

I blush and my face feels hot. He smirks at my reaction looking at me up and down. It's weird. Maybe he can look through the table. Maybe he can look through more covering things. I hug myself rubbing my arms, an attempt to cover myself up, though I know it's only my imagination. But he was about to say something else.

"You were gonna say my mom. Weren't you?" It seems like I'm asking, but I'm stating facts.

"Are you scared of her?" I ask finally feeling all of the red of my face disappear. This time it's his turn to blush, and my turn to grin. I giggle.

"You are!" I say between laughs.

"You shouldn't be surprised. I bet she does that to every boy that comes near you." he says. I stop laughing.

He may not know it. But that was an insult.

"Actually you're the first boy stupid enough to come near me and get yelled at by my mom." I say.

"And stupid enough to like you." he adds. He doesn't look at me. I blush trying to hide that his statement does in fact affect me. But only cause he is saying it and it's always awkward when someone says they like you even if they don't mean it. I don't like him Nor will I ever in a million years. I don't like anybody like that. I haven't liked anybody like that since about seven or six years ago.

It was tragic. We were torn apart, but he was two years older than me. We never saw eachother, but we talk through the fence in the backyard. It was my fault. His parents probably thought he was crazy, talking to himself. After what happened to me, I stopped talking completely. We still communicated though. I stopped talking for a while because the shock of what had happened, but he talked, and I knocked. Just the memory of the last time I heard him could depress me. I've never told anyone about him. Jane knows about it. My parents could remember it. I can't forget it. But I don't speak it.

No matter how hard I try, I can't forget his pleads and yells.

I can't forget, but it helps not to think of it. I look at Peridot. He seems to be thinking to. I don't bother to wonder what.

He likes me. That could mean a million different things. Which one he refers to, I don't know, and I don't care cause I don't like him. But it feels nice. Know you might mean more than you ever have. Than you ever thought. Even if they are only words. It feels nice to have someone say them.

Later that night, 15 minutes before my parents arrive, at the usual time, he gets ready to leave. I give him all the cookies. It's too much sugar for me. He doesn't mind. He stuffs it all in his backpack. It won't be too much for him considering he uses a motorcycle and doesn't walk like a normal person. I wonder when he got that. Better yet, when did he learn to use one? I don't ask cause I know I'll never get an answer. Almost like with every other question I do want an answer from and I don't just say cause I want to get him to shut up and stop talking non sense that honestly, I don't give a damn about.

But other than that, like I said, he's gentle. He is a ton of other things, but I don't care enough to list them all.

"Ok. Bye." he says. He starts going up the stairs. As usual.

lllllllllllllllllllllllll

A month ago

"Ok. I'm leaving." he says heading upstairs.

"The door is that way." I say pointing at the door. He turns to look back at me.

"I'm not using the front door. I'm using the balcony." he says. He comes to my house, and he can't even use the front door? You gotta be kidding me.

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He opens the door to my baclony and I follow outside, Jane also follows. He lifts himself over the railing and stands on the other side.

I put my hands on the railing looking up at him since he is taller. We are on opposite sides. He looks at me. We do this every day, then after a minute he usually gets tired and leaves.

But he stays there for more than a minute. I figure out what he's doing.

I start to turn around but before I can fully turn, he grabs my hand and kisses my cheek. It feels weird and strange and gross. But I'm petrified. And when I'm petrified, I can't move. His hand is on mine and feels so weird. This is weird. This is unsanitary. This should be illegal. If I wanted someone to show me affection, I would go and resurrect a matchmaker from the ancient times and pay the dead corpse to betroth me. But I don't want it. I don't need it. I know It sounds like I'm being a little feminist, and I'm not a feminist, but I've never needed to rely on anyone. I know if I start now, I'll become dependant. I don't like anyone doing my things for me. I don't need anyone to tell me what I already know. What I've been told more times than any one can possibly count.

He backs away but I stay still. He chuckles.

"You're adorble you know that." he says.

"And you're annoying." I say though I am still standing still.

"Bye Lazuli." he says as he ruffles my hair making it look like a big blue mess. I come it with my finger.

"Just get out of here." I say pushing him pushing him gently careful so he doesn't fall. Though I find that impossible if he's survived my mom, Jane, and me.

He starts to climb down and disapears. I turn around and lean my back against the railing while holding it with both hands. I look down at Jane.

"What are you looking at?" I ask. She tilts her head and puts her paw on her snout, partially covering her left eye.

I shake my head. Jane and I go inside and I close the door. I lean my back on it and give a small smile. Then as if nothing had happened, I go back to my normal routine.

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hi. Here is the tenth chapter! Double digits! Might not be a big deal to you, but definatley to me.****And really, a reminder: tell me from whose point of view you want to see in future chapter. And what diseases, syndromes, illnesses, ect you want me to make an oc out of. Please let me know. The point of view can be any character (including Jane), and you can suggest any illness in the comments, or you can PM me if it is personal. I won't judge.****Your secrets are safe with me.****So yeah. Please let me know. And tomorrow is Fathers Day. So happy Fathers Day!****And good day/night, ya'll know the drill.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Salty Water****Lapis' P.O.V.**

I wake up. I take my morning pill. I give Jane her food. I get ready. I do everything I need to do, all because some genius decided they needed to create a device that wakes you up and tells you when and what you need to do, and called it the alarm clock.

I mean, at least think of a better name! When I think of a clock, I think of a schedule I hate, and despise, and hate... and any other word that means hate. Does loath mean hate? You know what, I don't know, but I loath it. I hate anything that reminds me that I have to do something that I don't want to do. I feel like they just have something against me.

During class when an eternity has passed, but in reality you've only been there for five minutes. You're still taking your things out, the teacher hasn't started talking yet, passing just finished, but you already feel like you are in hell. Why, you ask? Because the clock is taunting you, Pearl is shooting hatred filled glances at you, because Peridot decided that it was a good idea to sit right next to you. Yeah. Great idea Peridot. I hate him right now. Pearl already hates me for what happened last week, with me humiliating her in front of Peridot and her sisters.

I look over at her. She sits next to her sister Yellow Pearl, or YP for short. I don't want to say her full name every time I'm talking about her. Pearl glances at me almost every two seconds, an average of fifty times a minute. And the way she looks at me, it either looks like she's trying to strangle me with her mind, or she's choking on raw jalapeno with hot sause for a topping. But either way, she probably looks stupid to everybody else that isn't her sister, Peridot and me. But I don't care. I get so used to her glances that I actually start smirking when she looks over, which makes her more mad, and stupider. Is that even a word. Is stupider a word. I don't know. But she just looks dumb. If we were in a different situation, I'd think she was giving birth to quadriplets. But that's just my imagination trying to make the situation not deadly.

Sapphire and Ruby sit in front of me. Apparently they have every class together. They have seperation anxiety. Even when one goes to the bathroom, the other one has to go too. If not, no one is going to the bathroom. It's funny if you don't think about it. But I don't like to laugh about other people's situations. So I just don't think about it. It helps to not think about it, you forget for a while. And you have some peace. When I go to sleep. Cause I have absolutely no peace when he is around. Sometimes my parents call and I have to leave the room because he won't shut up.

Things haven't changed at all since a week ago. We still do the same thing. Except that kiss. It barely means anything. But it was weird. That is one thing we do not do on a daily bases. The only thing that has changed, is Pearl hating me. She hates me a lot more than I hate an alarm clock.

A few more minutes, or should I say another eternity, and the teacher hands out a worksheet. There isn't complete silence, so Peridot starts talking to me. We are working on balancing equations. To be honest I thought we would be working on more advanced stuff. I learned this in seventh grade, but I was terrible at them. Even at the simple ones.

"Do you get it now?" he asks. I look at my paper that has arrows, number and letters all over it, and I have no idea what that is.

"No." I say. He sighs a little annoyed, but I know he enjoys this. We go to the next problem.

He explains it, we do the problem together. I sort of got it. But then I forget.

You know sometimes when the teacher says to be quiet, but everyone talks anyways and the teacher picks on that one kid who is always talking cause they just hate them. Yeah, well right now is one of those times.

"Peridot, why don't you show us how to solve the problem." he said holding out the chalk.

"Watch and learn Lazuli." he says as he stands up and goes to the front of the class. He takes the chalk and starts writing while he explains what he is doing, not once stumbling on his words. I'm impressed. He turns around, still writing without looking and explaining. He looks at me and we both smile. He turns to the chalk board again and continues writing, and explaining, never confusing himself. I write it all down. I understand it, but I know I'm gonna forget it in a few minutes, so I write it in a way that I might understand it if I forget.

He finishes and holds the chalk out to the teacher, grinning like he's won the most important battle in his life. The teacher examines his work and takes the chalk.

"My apologies Peridot. It seems you have been paying attention and not drooling over Lapis the whole past month." the teacher says. Everyone turns around and looks at me. I blush and sink into my seat. Pearl looks like she's going to explode any second. Sapphire and Ruby, I have no idea what they are doing. Ruby looks at Peridot who is walking back and sits down next to me. While Sapphire stares at me. He grins. He doesn't care if everyone is looking. He will do anything he wants and no one can stop him. Not me. Not even Jane. He may not go as far as he wants, but he gets in and out of my house. That could be victory enough for him. It will keep him settled, for now.

I give him a glance, but he just grins and looks up ahead.

Drooling over me? No. That's not not what he's been doing. That's just dumb. Teachers just like to exaggerate.

We spend the rest of class like that. During the work time, he helped me out, Sapphire and Ruby also talk to us.

Class finally ended. Nearly every class with Peridot goes the same way. I have some without Peridot, but with Amethyst, or Sapphire and Ruby, so they rub it in.

Steven is three years younger than me, he's basically a freshman. He's an adorable kid. Real great. Big heart. Literally. He's told me he has been through all these messed up situations, but he's still here. If I were to describe him in one sentence, it would be: Can't describe him in one sentence because his heart is too big.

School was finally finished for the day and I needed to use the bathroom. I went in and looked for a clean stall cause, these stalls look like a hurricane came through them. I open a stall and I am disgusted. What is that? Why is there blood on the toilet seat. Girls. Girls are supposed to be more sanitary than men. And the boys bathroom is much cleaner.

I hurry to the last one, since it is basically the only one clean. I do my business and start washing my hands. I rinse them as I hear a door open. I don't take much interest in it. I just look at the sink.

"Hey Lapis." I look up, recognizing that voice. Through the mirror I see Pearl and her sister Yellow Pearl. I wonder where Blue is.

"I'm tired," she says."So let's just talk."

I close the foucet and turn to look at her. I'm not scared. Maybe a little scared. Not really of what she could do to me, but just her. But I'm no coward either, so I look her dead in the eye.

"Of what?" I ask.

"Of what? Glad you ask. It's simple really. What I want is not that hard to do." she says.

"Get to the point. I don't want you wasting my time with cliche words you probably got from a movie." I say. She glares at me then clears her throught.

"What I want, is for you to stay away from Peridot." she says. I smirk.

"Sorry to burst your bubble but tell him to stay away from me. I've tried. Maybe he'll listens to you while you scare the lights out of him. Or more likely he'll just fall asleep seeing that you talk too much and don't get to the point." I say crossing my arms and grinning. Yellow pearl giggles. Pearl looks at her with a glare and she stops.

"Will you stay away from him?" she asked.

"Why don't you ask him?" I ask.

"Don't test my patience!" she snaps.

"I'm just telling you the truth." I say. Peridot isn't your typical prince charming, but I guess Pearl's fell for him. Maybe she's just obsessed. I guess Pearl is Snow White. But an evil Snow white. More wicked than her stepmother. I can't help but smirk at my thoughts.

Pearl steps closer to me. She looks at her younger sister. Suddenly I understand that they don't want to talk.

"Hey!" I scream as Yellow Pearl and Pearl grab either arm and start pulling me twords a stall. They open the door and try to get me in. I put my feet up on the pilaster, my knees bending, but keeping me outside of the stall. I start to get tired, but so do they. Their grip on my arms loosen and I fall to the floor.

But I move too slowely.

Pearl pulls me by my hair as I let out a yelp. She pulls me to the open stall by my hair. Couldn't she have at least pulled me to the last one. This one looks terrible. I let her pull me because it hurts when she pulls. The door open. Pearl is pulled back, she pulls me back to and I fall and the left side of my head hits the floor.

I sit, holding my head. I squint my eyes trying to make them adjust. I might have a headache later. I look at the scene. It's Blue Pearl and Amethyst. Amethyst bends down helping me up while Blue Pearl argues with Pearl.

I get to my feet, Amethyst helping me stand and we head for the door. I look at Pearl. Blue Pearl is yelling at her while Pearl just glares at her. She looks past her and glares at me. That is how I know this is not over. I've made a new enemy today. That's another person to add on the list of people to keep away from.

Amethyst takes me outside as I stumble a bit on my right leg. I find that Sapphire, Ruby, and Steven are there. We go up to them and they start asking me questions. Steven throws himself at me hugging my waist since he is small. I hug him back.

"Lapis! Are you ok?" he asks looking up at me.

"Yeah. I think so. My head hurts a bit, but apart from that I'm fine." I say giving a small smile. I look back at Amethyst ignoring everyone else' questions.

"How did you know I was in there?" I ask.

"Blue Pearl told us. Pearl wanted her to help, but she refused." Amethyst responds. As if on cue, Blue Pearl arrives and stands next to me.

"Pearl will probably lay low. Stay away from you for a while. Trust me, I know her. But when she hits you again, she'll hit you real good. Try not to provoke her." She says in her soft voice. Provoke her? How do I provoke her, if she just attacks me because Peridot hangs out with me? She can't be justified for attacking me without reason. It's not like their dating. Peridot doesn't even like her.

"Sure." I say. I look around. "Hey, where is Peridot?"

They look around and at eachother as if they were hiding something. Ruby speaks up.

"He's in detention, for like the millionth time this year." she says. I'm not shocked.

"Why?" I asked though I know the right questions is why did he even bother going. He never goes, he ditches it to go to my house.

"He had a fight. During passing." said Amethyst. I wonder why. I'll ask him later. I'm too tired to ask them now. I just want to go to my house and rest.

Honestly I thought this only happened in the movies.

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hi. Finished quickly. I've surprised myself. So, this is the eleventh chapter. Hope you like it.****Oh and thanks for the comment. I'll search up the syndromes and check my grammer, and I'll think of a way to include the oc.****I'm officially on summer vacation in three days. So I'll either have more time and update more often, or I'll have less time since I'll be on the go.****Have a good day/night. Depending on where you live.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Fight****Lapis' P.O.V.**

Amethyst, Blue Pearl and Steven take me home. I have a headache, but I don't tell them. I don't want to worry them. We get to my porch.

"Are you sure you okay Lapis?" Steven asks me.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I say. I turn t o Blue Pearl and Amethyst.

"Thanks Amethyst and Blue Pearl." I say.

"Just call me Blue." she says. I give a small smile.

They leave. I take my keys out with my right hand. I try to insert them, after a few failed attempts, I finally open the door. I go inside and Jane jumps on me. I crouch down and hug her. She licks my face and I let out a faint laugh. We go upstairs. I don't have much homework today, so I lay on my stomch staring at my computer. I scroll up and down, mostly down, and I look through websites. I don't know why. Maybe just to bore myself more than I already am.

An hour and a half passes and I wonder at what time Peridot gets out of detention. I never really bothered to ask. Maybe I should. Maybe Peridot has problems. That could be his problem. Luke did say he had 'daddy issues' as he put it. What issues does he have with his father? I don't even have a clue. He never talks about his parents. There are a ton of things I can say I don't know about him, since he never talks abouy himself. I know little. He's doesn't have an ego suprisingly. Though he does act like a total idiot sometimes. Like a week ago with that kiss. That was stupid from his part.

I talk with Jane. About things. Maybe about Peridot. Just a little. And she just listens because she can't talk. But if you have a dog since they are a newborn and you live with them for seven years, you learn how to communicate without talking. In other words, body language. Though I can speak, Jane uses body language.

"So what do you think Jane?" I ask her. She tilts her head and whimpers.

"Yeah, me too." I say. The balcony door opens.

"Speak of the devil." I say as I roll my eyes. I sit up straight.

"Hey Lazuli." he says. I do my best not to gasp at him.

"It's nearly four hours after school!"I start, but then I smell something coming from him "Where have you been? Have you been drinking?"

Peridot plops down next to me causing me to lightly jump. He smells like alcohol, though he seems perfectly sober(as much as that applies for him) as if he hadn't even seen a drop of it.

"What happened?" I asked. He looked, not bad, but you could tell he had been in a fight. He has a bruised cheek, a cut lip, his knuckles have dried blood, he looks as bad as he could possibly get. But in all he still looks good. But not like that. He looks like himself.

"I had a fight." he says grinning. Maybe for my concern. Maybe he's going to brag about it. Typical.

"Why, how, wi-with who?" I ask.

"Some kid who challenged me. Started talking shit about me, my parents, Luke, and my friends." he says looking at me.

"Including me." I add looking away."You shouldn't have fought. Look at you."

"I wasn't going to let that asshole talk about you like that. He provoked me." he says. Me? He, was, defending me? I blush. I look away trying to hide it. I yell at myself in my head trying to control myself. He tries to take my hand but I pull away and stand up. I straighten myself.

"You should clean yourself up." I say.

"Why?" he asked.

"You wouldn't want your parents to see you like that." I say.

"Lazuli, I don't go to my house after I leave your's." he says. It brings a lot more questions to my mind, but I don't care about that at the moment.

"Don't call me by my last name." I say for the millionth time.

"I'm used to it." Peridot says.

"Just go and clean yourself up." I say not looking at him urging him to leave me in the room alone, even if the the bathroom is just a room inside my room. I don't want him to see me, not like this.

He smirks and goes into the bathroom. I don't care if he goes through my things there. I don't have anything there, except my pills. But I doubt he will know what they are if he does find them behind the mirror. I don't worry about that. I worry about Peridot and myself.

He isn't as bad as I thought when I first met him. He's... I don't know! I don't like him! I know that much. But I do feel a thing that I can't explain. A thing that scares me. It resembles something of kindness, or the lightest of affections towards him. I get the feeling he likes me. But I don't know in what way. But it's not like it matters anyway if I don't like him. I feel bad for when he finds out that I don't like him.

I look at Jane. She looks neutral, but I know she has her own feeligs too. She doesn't like Peridot.

I put a hand on my forehead and tried to steady my breaths. Like I said before, Peridot is no prince charming, but sometimes, just sometimes, he has a way with words. Even if they aren't real. Even if they are superficial.

"So what are we doing tomorrow?" Peridot asks coming out of the bathroom. I cross my arms.

"We are not doing anything. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, and after that I have to take Jane to the veteranarian to get her vaccine." I say. At that Jane's ears perk up and she lifts her head to look at me.

"I'll go with you. I could hold both of you while you get your shots." he says grinning. I blush.

"No thanks. I don't want anyone seeing us two hanging out." I say. Though I have other reasons for not wanting him to accompany me to my doctor appointment, I'm taking Blue's advice and not taking any chances. You can't provoke someone when you're all alone with a dog. It will probably make Pearl frustrated that she find any dirt on me, or that she doesn't have a ridiculous excuse to beat me up like earlier.

"Are you worried about Pearl?" he asked.

"Wow, you can read minds." I say rolling my eyes.

"Amethyst called me. Don't tell her your secrets cause she'll tell everyone." he says.

"Don't worry, only Jane knows my secrets." I say. It's true. The only people who know what I have are my parents. The only thing that's been there to see and stop things I would do, was Jane. I practically raised and grew up with her. I found her as a newborn on my birthday. That birthday. It was a tragedy, but maybe if I hadn't had that party, I would have never had Jane.

Honestly, it was partially my mom's fault. She made that party. She told me it would be nice to have that party. I didn't want it. A few relatives were going to come, and we were going to have a feast to celebrate my double-digits. But like everything else, she had to go and ruin my life more than it already was. Well, it wasn't ruined until I was raped. But she keeps ruining it even after. Compared to this hell, I would have been in paradise if I would have died that night. I wish I would have died.

I had a said freind who kept asking me about it. Not exactly what happened, but about it. She asked me how it felt. She kept asking me if I was pregnant even though I really had no symptoms of pregnancy and I hadn't gotten my period yet. She was young. But not innocent. We were naive. I was vulnerable. She made it sound like it wasn't so bad. But she was not the victim, I was. She doesn't know what it's like. I don't like people like that. Who think they understand and know everything just because they've heard or know about the subject. That girl knew about that, but she does not know what it feels like to be used and forced the way I was. And when someone mostly brings up rape, they mostly think it's only girls that get raped. But it's also boys that get raped. And I don't know how they feel, but I know it's not a good feeling. It's the worst feeling in the world. Being used and forced and to feel like that. To become older than you are and should be. It's hard to lose your virginity at 10 years old. You're lucky if they just kill you and get it over with. You don't have to suffer anymore. Because nothing happens to you anymore.

"You spend all day with a dog, and all alone by yourself. You should get out more." he says. And I know perfectly where he is going with this. He is going to offer to take me to some place calling it a friend's day, but really he's going to call it a date to everyone. And by everyone I mean Amethyst, who will tell Steven, who will tell Sapphire and Ruby, then they will be talking about how cute we would look as a couple(if they don't already) and Pearl will overhear and I will die.

"No thanks." I say.

"Come on. I'm sure many guys would like you to insult them." he says. Insults.

"Oh really? Why don't you tell them, I don't think they know." I say smiling sarcastically.

"That is why I like you. You're not easy." he says. Easy? I don't like to be referred as not easy, or playing hard to get. It makes me feel like I am like all of those (not)perfect princess bitches who want to lose their virginity at the age of sixteen because they got a drivers license and their rich daddy got them the most modern car made of gold so they can secretly make out with that dumb jock.

"I'm realistic." I say. I've said that many times to many different people.

"You're beautiful." Peridot says. Beautiful? Me? So he responds to my said insults with false complements. Peridot is just so... Peridot.

"Stop being cliche." I say.

"How am I being cliche?" Peridot asks.

"Because, everyone says it, and you keep saying it, and it's not original." I say.

"It is original if it is true." he says grinning. I blush, but I have to remind myseld that this is Peridot. He's prabably said the same thing to every girl, wether they were his age or my age or older or younger. I wonder if those girls know Peridot flirts with everyone.

"So are you going to tell me who you faught with?" I ask. he looks at me as if deciding if he should or shouldn't tell me.

"That brute I told you about, Jasper." he says ever so calmly.

I don't think I've ever seen the guy. I think I would forget a guy like him easily. The way Peridot describes Jasper, the guy stands out from the crowd. You would see him coming a galaxy away, as Peridot puts it. But I know he doesn't mean it in the good way.

"You should'nt fight, you know? One day you will hurt yourself real bad and then you won't be able to be yourself again." I say. He just looks at me as if he wasn't expecting like that from me. Honestly I'm surprised at myself.

"Like you say, stop being cliche." he says smiling. I look at the time.

"And you should probably go." I say.

"But I just got here." he groans.

"And whose fault is that? You prefer your alcohol than being here with me." I say. I surprise myself at my comment.

He puts a hand around my waist and pulls me down on my bed. He puts his right hand on my upper arm and his other hand on the left side of me. Peridot is on top of me, and I am under him. I put my left hand on his arm. He puts his head on my neck and I do my best not to throw him off of me and toss him into the backyard.

"I still came, didn't I?" Peridot asks though I know he is telling me. Jane climbs onto the bed, and waits there for me to say something.

"You should still go. My parents will be back soon." I say. He sighs and gets off of me. He offers me his hand to get up and I take it. Once I'm on my feet, he doesn't let go immediately. He pulls me close, his mouth an inch away from ear.

"I'll dream of you tonight." he whwhispers. I don't want to know what he means. He seems drunk, but Peridot acts drunk all the time because he is an idiot even if he hasn't drunk alcohol in a long time.

I put my free hand on his chest and playfully push him away.

"Get out of here." I say smiling. He chuckles and starts for the balcony door. Peridot leaves. I sigh and fall on my bed. I look over at Jane who just stares at me, her eyes full of curiousity.

"You know Jane, Peridot is an idiot. A big, cliche, and adorable idiot." I say as I look at the ceiling. She lats down beside my head. I then look back at her.

"Don't you think?"

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hi. I finally got this chapter is done. It feels like I've been working on this forever.****Just wanted to say hi and say, thank you for your suggestions. I will do them. Not right now or in the next chapter, or right after you suggest them. Might be a few chapters until you get your suggested OC. But I will make them.****Thank you for reading, hope you liked this chapter. And if you did not, don't be a jerk about it.****What do you think about this chapter and things like that.****So bye. Have a good day/night. See you next chapter in Lapis' and Jane's doctor appointments.**


	13. Chapter 13

**(Dis)Appointment****Lapis' P.O.V.**

I do my usual morning routine. Then I go to school. After I'm done with that, Peridot insists on coming with me. But he can't come for the two most obvious reasons.

I go home and quickly try to do as much homework as I can. I'm left with just math which I'll do after I come back from Jane's appointment. Jane looks at me while I get ready for my appointment at 4:30. She whimpers.

"I know you don't like to go to the vet, but you have to. Trust me. If it wasn't mandatory to get six tubes of blood taken away every three-four months, I'd have AIDS and I wouldn't know it." I say going to the bathroom. But because of those bloody reports, my mom will control me depending on how I am doing.

"And if it wasn't mandatory to get your vaccines, you would be," I look at her not wanting to say it out loud. She tilts her head curious to what I was about to say.

"Not here." I say to not say something else. I brush my teeth. Then I floss. Something I would never do on a regular day, because I'm going to the doctor. And everyone does this. You don't floss. But when you go to the doctor, no. You are flossing like crazy because you want your doctor to think you actually do floss every day. And it's not just for the dentist. Everyone knows your regular doctor checks your mouth. So you think that just thirty seconds of what you think is flossing will convince them that you are an innocent holy child.

If I ever have kids, if because I don't have any interest in anything of what Peridot says. Nor do I think there is anyone alive beside my dad or grandparents who can be near me and not be afraid of getting HIV.

People are such hypocrites. They go on and on saying that they will support you no matter what. Then you come and say, I have HIV or cancer or something else. They feel shocked, then they talk pity to you, then they say they are totally with you though they aren't, but you don't know that! Then they tell everyone. You ask them to help you, but they either say they don't know you or say some cliche crap, then leave you to rot in hell. And everytime that happens you trust everyone less and less until you trust no one at all but a dog and end up telling everyone a bunch of lies about you.

But don't get me wrong. Some people are actually nice. Very few people. But there are more people who would rather let you burn in hell, than those who would give a fucking care about why you didn't have breakfast. Then you leave for somewhere else and just sit and wait for the whole thing to happen again.

And that is my circle of life for the past seven years.

If I ever have kids, they will ask me why we don't floss. And I will tell them, 'because it is not us that have garbage in our mouths that needs to be cleaned.'

After I use the bathroom I comb my hair again. I look at the clock. It's half an hour before I have my appointment. Jane's appointment is at 6:00. I'll have enough time to come back for her. The hospital isn't far, and hopefully I won't get lost. I have an idea on how to get there, an idea. I wish it was more than that.

"I should probably get going." I say to Jane smiling nervously. I'll probably have to wait, and what it will take to get there. I leave my room and go downstairs. I open the door and grab my keys.

"I'll be back for you Jane." I say as look at her then close the door.

I start walking. I walk for about ten minutes until I finally find the tall building. I go inside and I ask for directions. I go right and go up to the fourth floor. I turn right again and open these heavy doors made of metal. The walls and floor is made of marble. The floor has two big black carpets. There is a waiting room to my right with chairs in four rows with another row toward the wall. There was a reception on the left with two people. There were four small rooms behind the reception. Both the people at the reception are talking on the phone so I walk up to the one that looks like she is about to finish.

"Yes I got you the vegetarian order. Yes I got you the caffiene free drink. Yes I got you the reduced fat dessert. Beatrice," she says in an british accent. She looks like she is going to explode. However she calms down."I have to attend someone." She says as she hangs up. She sighs and breathes in, then she looks at me."How can I help you?"

"Umm, I came for my apointment at 4:30." I say giving her my card. She takes it and looks up my appointment on the computer.

"You are the new girl, right? Lapis Lazuli." she says asking for my assurance.

"Yes." I say.

"Let my call Doctor Tyler to let him know you're here." she says as she picks up the phone and starts dialing a number. She waits a moment.

"John. Your 4:30, Lazuli is here." she says. After a second she hangs up. John?

"He will be right here in a moment." she says. I look at her name tag. It reads:

Veronica Tyler

Could the last name be a coincidence, or are they related?

"Doctor Tyler is a great doctor you know. Never keeps his patients waiting." Veronica says, and I smile nervously. I don't mind if people share their opinions, but when they ask me what I think, you better not expect a sincere, or any answer at all.

A few minutes pass and someone approaches. He is tall, black hair, green eyes and tan skin. He wears a white lab coat, black boots, a vest and a dress shirt under and a pair of glasses.

"You must be my new patient, Lapis Lazuli." he says. He speaks in a soft and soothing voice it surprises me.

"Yes." I say.

"Lets go. Thank you Veronica." he says as he looks back at the receptionist. I also look back at her, then I follow him. We take a left which leads us to a corridor with a window at the end. Each room has a number. We go into the second room on the right woth the number 24 on it. He unlocks the door.

Doctor Tyler's office is, neat. There are two drawers. One on each side against the wall and his desk is a few feet away from the wall that allow him to move. On his desk there are two neat piles of paper and his pencils are in a black metal can. He also has a metal tag that says his name. There are two chairs in front of his desk. He sits and so do I.

"Tell me a little bit about yourself Lapis. What's been going on recently, and things you find interesting." he says. Thats so cliche. Why do doctors always ask things like that. I know it's part of their job, but they do that every time. And I can tell you that almost every single time, they only say that because they are supposed to.

"I am 17. I am an only child. I have a dog. I've been moving from place to place for the past four years. Not much has happened recently. And I don't find much interesting." I say looking at him to make sure that was good enough.

"Ok. How gave you been feeling?" he asks.

"Fine." I say.

"Any 'thoughts' of some sort you would like to talk about?"

"No." I say almoat immediatley because I'm lying.

"Nothing at all." I say slowly reasurringly as I force a smile.

"Why don't you tell me what happened those few years ago. When you were in therapy." he asks. I frown. I don't like to be reminded of my dark days.

"I don't want to." I say emotionless. He is silent for a moment and I have to remember that he is not my mother, he is my doctor. He can't hurt me in any way.

"That is ok. Why don't you tell me about how you feel about Beach City?" he asks though I know it's a demand.

"It's fine, I guess." I respond not really knowing what I should say. The city is plain. I've already seen most of it all before. Some people are the same, some are different. Others I'm freinds with. Another one hates me. And another one tried to kiss me.

"Can you be more specific." he says.

"The climate is okay. The school is," I think of the bathrooms and teachers."decent. And thats pretty much it."

"Okay. Has anything changed since your last visit with your previous doctor." he asks.

"No." I say.

"I thought your parents would be here with you." He says.

"They have more important things to do." I say. More important than me. My dad would have come if I had asked him to. My mom would go on and on about why she couldn't. Or should I say making excuses for why she doesn't want to come.

"Come, lets go to the blood room." he says.

We leave the room and he locks it. We leave the corridor and take a left as we enter another corridor. All the doors are numberd as well. We go into room 48.

"Take a seat." he says. Like I haven't done this every three months before.' I think to myself.

I sit as instructed and I wait as he takes out six clear glass tubes. He puts gloves on and he takes out the needle which I used to be so afraid of I now see as if it were nothing more than a toy. I rub my sleeve up.

He rubs alcohol on the injection spot and inserts the needle. I don't feel anything. One tube fills, he put the next one in. The the third. Then the fourth tube. Then another one, then the last one. It passes fast.

I've been doing this for the last seven years. Every three months. At first the thought of six tubes of blood being taken out of my body every three months was terrifying. I threw a tantrum my first few times. But then I got used to it. Nothing gets easier, you just get used to it.

They actually gave us two chioces. We could have the appointments every three or four months. My dad thought every four months was better. So did I. The doctor gave us a few minutes alone to discuss and think about it. I practically begged my mom for every four months. But she didn't listen to me. Like always. When the doctor came in she told her every three months instead of four. She made the decision without hesitation, as if my opinion didn't matter. I am the one beimg injected anways. Not her. I thought I knew my mother. But then after the first few times, I realised: You don't know anyone, until they see you hit rock bottom.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if my mom had listened to me, than one time. I guess I would have learned life the other hard way. I would let myself be naive amd vulnerable. I would have probably fallen in love woth some player amd he would have broken me into shards. Friends who would have stabbed me in the back. I'd be alone at home when my parents were working and I had nothing to do. I'd have no pets and I wouldn't be afraid of spiders. I'd be dressing differently. Probably a blue short sleeve crop top with shorts. Though neither would be so short. I am not that type of girl that likes to show off a lot of skin. My hair would be my normal black, long and straight. My skin wouldn't be so pale. I would know how to swim. And in that other life, I might have actually liked Peridot.

Though I am sure he would have seen me as a normal girl. I wouldn't be realistic. He says that is what makes me different, that that is what makes me stand out. I feel bad for those girls who have their hopes up that Peridot will notice them. He has them conquered. And now he's after me. I smile at the thought.

"You should smile more often."

I snap out of my thoughts and I am dragged back down into reality. My doctor labels my blood tubes. I sit there, a band aid on my arm.

"I find if you smile, people think it is a sign you want to be friends." I say.

"Experiment?" he asks. I shake my head.

"Everyday observations." I respond.

"You know, all some kids want is a smile sometimes." he says. Where was that smile when I needed it?

"Like who?" I ask.

"There are some kids in the hospital the have illnesses, syndromes, physical disabilites. You aren't physically disabled. From what I've read, you have disabled yourself." Dr. Tyler says. I want to tell him that it's just what he has read. But I respect my elders, so I shut up.

"Maybe you should meet them. They are wonderful children. They are very kind. Some are shy. All of their problems have made them amazing kids. You would like them." he says. I look up at him. I've delt woth kids before, but this time it would be different. He looks back at me and unfortunately sees my interest.

"Would you like to meet them?" he asks.

"I don't have time right now." I say.

"Thats fine. We can go in your next visit. Would you like me to ask your parents?" he asks.

"No. Three months is fine." I say. My parents(my mom) would think I'm crazy.

"Ok. I'll take you back and Veronica will schedule your next appointment." Dr. Tyler says as he writes something down and secures my blood tubes.

We leave and we go back to the receptionist. I schedule my next apoointment in three months. And that visit was talking about. Everything is exactly the same. Sometimes I wish something different woukd happen. Even if it were bad news. I don't get my blood test results until my next visit. But if they see something is wrong, they call me. Well, my mom.

I leave and go back to my house. I don't use a leash on her, I have papers saying I don't have to. For 70 bucks I was able to register Jane as emotional support dog. If I want to rent an appartment, or if I am going somewhere and they don't allow dogs, I just bust out the papers and they can't refuse me. She doesn't wander away anyways. It's like she is trained, but I never had to pay anyone to do it.

"Come on Jane." I say as I start to walk to door. It then suddenly hits me that I forgot her vaccine papers. I rush upstairs and look through a drawer I have especially for Jane and nothing else. I grab the vaccine papers and the ES(Emotional Support) papers. I rush down stairs and open the door.

"Come on." I say as I step out onto the porch. I turn back to see if she is following. She is sitting inside just watching me.

"Jane come on. We have twenty minutes to get to the vet." I say.

"Jane?" I ask. She doesn't move.

"Jane! Don't do this again." I say. She still doesn't move.

I go in and try to get her to stand. I put my arms around ther chest and try carring her. But she holds her ground and I only get her to stand up as her front legs dangle over my arms. She lifts her head and licks my jaw. I giggle but tell her to stop. I try to push her to the door but she stands firm.

"Jane, we have fourteen minutes." I say. I give up on pushing her.

"If you don't come the good way I'll get your keash out." I say. She doesn't move. It's because I never really do it. I go to my room and get the leash from her drawer. I go downstairs and show it to her. She still doesn't move. Because I never put it on her. I've never really had to put it on her.

So I put it on her. It's not a collar. It's like a harnest that gies around her chest and a leash on her back. It takes a few minutes because she doesn't let herself. I take her leash and start pulling. But she lays down as I pull. I put both hands on the leash and pull again. She won't budge. She stands firm and I pull her leash. After a few seconds I fall to the floor dragging Jane's leash and harnest with me. I look at her and she sits as the harnest is in my hand.

"How?" I ask to no one but me.

I get up and put the leash and harnest on the couch."Jane if you don't go to your appointment, you'll sleep on the floor."

Her ears perk and she lifts her head to look at me. She stands up, passes me, and goes through the door. I take my phone out from my back pocket and look at the time. Great, i think to myself, we have ten minutes to get there.

Jane waits for me in the porch. I go out after her and she follows me. A few minutes and we find the vet. It is bigger than I imagined. Honestly when I first found out this was where we were coming, I didn't think this town would even have a school. How disappointed I was.

We go inside. The walls, floor and celing are made of marble. There is one wall made entirely out of glass facing the street. There are two rows of chairs. One row is of three chairs and is against the glass wall. The other consists of four chairs agianst the marble wall next to the registration which are parallel to the row of three chairs against the glass wall. There is a small round table in the corner between the two rows of chairs. It has dog calenders and magazines. I go to the reception and I check Jane in. A few minutes later the veterinarian comes in. I follow her as Jane follows me with her head low and wimpering. She doesn't like the vet.

The veteranarian, Leah, is very... joyful. She talks to Jane as of she were a kid. Asking Jane questions she never gets answers to. Sometimes I intervene and answer for her. Jane seems a little relaxed, but Jane hates going to the vet. And no veterinarian can ever change that. Leah gets the vaccine out and I stand next to Jane. Leah injects Jane quite quickly and Jane's head lifts up and her ears perk up and she wimpers for a few seconds. I smirk.

We go home. Jane and I take our time to get there. We aren't in a hurry. I could wake up early tomorrow and finish my math in the morning.

My next appointment is in three months. Jane's next appointment is in two years. Neither of us are im a rush. But life is. It goes by so fast. But nit fast enough to forget every disappointment.

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hello. How are all of you? Good. Ok. I hope you liked this chapter. And you guys know what's gonna happen on Lapis's next appointment. So keep suggesting and I'll make all of them. Special chapters for them. You guys won't be disappointed.****See what I did there?****Anywho, I got this chapter done. Brace yourselves for the next one in a few weeks! I might be going to Washington D.C. next week so I might not have a lot of next week to work on chapter 14. But give me feedback, and suggestions. Thank you.****Have a good day/night, where ever you live.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Bro(ther)**

**Peridot's P.O.V.**

I lay in Luke's bed. I look at the ceiling. Bored. Luke on his computer sitting next to me. Both of us Bored.

Lazuli had insisted so much that she didn't want me to accompany her to her doctors appointment. Or her mutt's. How I would have loved to see Jane get injected. Too bad they only get one a year. Sometimes they last more years. But I decided to respect her decision. Lazuli has a lot of wit. Well, with me.

"Hey, P-Peridot." Luke says looking up at me from his computer.

"Whats up?" I ask looking at him.

"Do-do you think Scarlett wi-will want to go to the dance-dancccce with me?" he asks trying his best not to stutter.

"Luke, you have been asking me that since you found out there was a prom. Just ask her. If she says no, then she ain't worth it." I say as if it were the most simple thing. I know for Luke it is everything. He has been hanging out with this girl Scarlett since he was in sixth grade. But they are just friends. He says he doesn't want to ruin their friendship. Because he stutters.

Typical Luke. He's so nice. Makes me worry about him sometimes. He's so gentle. Too gentle. Lets everything down on everybody easily. Gets real emotional sometimes. He's a great kid. And an even better brother. But in my opinion, he needs to be more tough. If you are tough, like me, you don't get hurt. If you don't get hurt, nobody laughs at you. There are some things in life that either break you or make you. And some do both. That is why I protect him. In my own way. But I protect him as best I can trying not to make him feel different.

"Maybe its-its too early. Mayb-maybe I should ask her when the-the dance is... closer." Luke says pausing before closer as if trying to say it but not being able to until it finally comes out.

"Then someone else is going to ask her. And you'll lose your date." I say.

"What if I stu-stutter? And she-she... misunderstands me." he says again pausing on misunderstands.

"Lucas just ask her. Or do you want me to ask her for you?" I ask smirking. He pushes me gently.

"Well, well I haven't hea-heard you ask Lapis to prom-prom." He says.

"First of all, she is new. She doesn't know anyone, and well she doesn't hang out with anyone." I say. Luke starts talking before I can continue.

"Than how-how do you know she-she'll accept to go with you?" Luke asks. He is right. I haven't thought of that.

"Lazuli will come. Once I tell her." I say.

"I don't think she'll rem-ember. And why do you call-call her Lazuli. Lap-Lapis is better." he responds.

"I'm used to it. Me saying Lapis doesn't sound right. I don't mind, but it sounds weird." I say. Her name isn't weird, it just sounds foreign to me.

"You're weird-weird." he says.

"So you are related to weird." I say.

"Than we are both-both weird." Luke says smiling. I try to think of something to say. But Luke is hard to beat. Both of us are hard to beat. But if you had to put it between him or me, he'd have me beat. He always turns me around.

"You are a handful Lucas." I say messing with his hair.

"So are-are you." he replies smiling.

I open my mouth to say something else, but someone knocks on Luke's door. Luke tells them to come in and I turn away with a frustrated expression.

"Hey guys. Dinner is almost ready." says Stephen. I don't look at him. But I know he is looking at me.

"I'll be-be there in a fe-few... minutes." Luke says. I still feel Stephen's gaze on me.

"Peridot, perhaps you would join us this time?" he says as if it were a question. I know it is not. It is a request. A friendly suggestion. Stephen is like Luke. Friendly, kind, humble. He turned my mother that way too.

"I'm not hungry." I say not letting my voice drop according to my mood. I'm an expert at hiding my feelings. Most of the time.

"It would really make your mother ha-" Stephen starts but I cut him off.

"Of course. You care what my mother wants. You don't care about me. So why don't you leave me alone. Like for the rest of our miserable lives. No more fights. My mother would want no more fighting." I say smiling through the pain.

"Peridot I am your father." he says not raising his voice or looking angry. It is literally impossible for Stephen to raise his voice or be angry. He tries to keep speaking but I cut him of again.

"Step, father." I cut in, saying step coldly. Luke looks uncomfortable. He's never liked when I fight with Stephen. But it isn't really fighting. It is more of verbal and friendly arguing with insutls and unexpected contradictions that I can bend at my will. Not fighting. There is silence for a moment. Now I feel uncomfortable.

I get up and leave the room without looking back. I open the door to my room, go inside amd slam it shut. Take my Jacket off and throw it on the floor next to my bed and I lay down. For truth, I just ate before I came here.

Since I didn't go to Lazuli's house, I spent the whole day with Amethyst. She needed help with her homework. And I didn't want to come here. So it was a win-win. I try to spend as little as time possible in the same house as Stephen. This is his house. And I sleep and shower, and have all my basic needs here. But I don't live here. I live in a place far away. In a distant dream with hopeless hope. I live in a place that does not exist. Who am I kidding? I don't live anywhere. I sleep in this 'mansion'. I spend the morning in school. I spent the day with Lazuli. To 10:30 at Amethyst's and walk slowely here. Which is at least a thirty minute walk. When I go to Lazuli's house I leave my motorcycle at this place. If I don't have a race with Amethyst that night. Then I leave it at Amethyst's house. Though I pretty much beat her every time. Even the time when I nearly ran Lazuli over. I learned to use a motorcycle at a young age. My dad taught me.

Amethyst doesn't know that I go to Lapis' house though. And I don't plan on telling her. No one except Luke knows that I go to her house and what my intentions are. I know what Lazuli thinks I want, but Luke actually knows what it is that I want. And that is why I don't plan on telling Amethyst or any of my friends that I go to her house. Because they will start talking about things what Lazuli and Amethyst think. I'm not sure if Sapphire knows though. She is literally psychic. It is like she can tell what is to happen. But her sister can't. Sapphire and her sister are total opposites, but her sister is more kind and gentle. But if Sapphire knows, she would tell Ruby. And Ruby would show signs of knowing. Ruby doesn't show any signs of knowing, but you never know.

I fall asleep. I don't dream of anything. Time passes by fast. I wonder why? How could time pass by so fast when you sleep, if hours pass by. I've always wondered how so much time, could pass by so few minutes. It's a mystery to me. It's like the best moments in your life. Months, years could pass by, and you would barely see days. It is a wonder of nature. Maybe it passes by so quickly intentionaly. Maybe the best moments in life pass by so quickly, so when they are gone, we value and cherish those memories. Or maybe it's just torture. To show us how far away those moments really are. How unreachable they are, and how helpless we have become.

Suddenly someone starts shaking me and I hear them start talking.

"Hey, Peri-dot wake up." I wake up to find Luke on top of me.

"What?" I ask in a rudely though I don't intend to.

"Can-can you help me withhh my home-ho-homewor-homework?" Luke asks smiling.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"About 8:30." he says.

"Couldn't you ask me earlier?" I ask.

"I was do-doing it, but then I went to get-get-get dinner and you-you fell asleep." Luke said smiling.

"How much is it?" I ask.

"Just math-math." he responds. I think about it for a second though I know I am going to answer yes anyways.

"Fine." I finally say. He smiles and gets up. He leaves my room and I am left alone. He comes back after a few minutes amd we do his homework. We start. Luke only has about ten problems to do. We get through four until I finally ask.

"Luke, this is easy. Can't you do this on your own?" I ask. This is so easy. He has already learned this. This is just review for a test he has tomorrow.

"Of course I can-can. I just like it-it when you hel-help me. It's funn-funn...funny." Luke responds. I smile and mess with his hair.

I love my brother. We fight sometimes. I'd like to know who knows brothers or sisters that don't fight. But to be honest, Luke is one of the only people in this whole world that make me feel okay. There are very few that I can really say are truly, truly important to me. I know if I wasn't here, it would be harder for Lucas to cope with his speech disorder. I've come to realize that people with disorders, syndromes and other problems are most often the kindest people. I don't know why. But I know I love my brother. And I don't feel bad for him. I know that if Lucas were another, he'd think that I'm just woth him because I am his brother, or because I feel sorry. I know would feel the same way.

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hey. So, I decided to make a chapter on Peridot's life instead. Next chapter will be on Lapis' point of view again.****Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I sadly didn't get to go to Washington D.C., but I got to go to Albany. But who cares about that. Hope you enjoyed this little preview on Peridot's life. I hope you all love Luke as much as I do.****Anyway, see you next chapter. Have a good night/day, depending on where you live. Bye.**


	15. Chapter 15

**History Sings to You**

**(Part One)**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

"I am not going. Especially not with you." I say firmly. I cross my arms as I hold a yellow flyer in my left hand.

"Why not?" Peridot asks. That is a dumb question. Why do I not want to go? The better question is why he thinks I would want to go at all. And with him.

"Because, I don't want to. I don't want to get my hair done, or wear heels, makeup, and much less a dress." I say.

"Come on. You'll look good in one. Besides, its not like you're going to wear one of those dresses that shows everything off." Peridot says with a sly grin.

"It says I will be wearing a corset." I yell shoving the flyer into his chest.

The flyer is for a play. Or the more common and accurate term for it, a musical.

"I'm sure you won't even need one. You're too skinny, the corset will probably slide right off you." he says.

"Thats easy for you to say. You won't be wearing one!" I say. I take a deep breath to calm myself down. The idea of me wearing a dress is ridiculous. The idea of me wearing a corset in the twenty-first century is outrageous. I think that a corset itself is dump. They were used in the old times for a girl. Wether she was skinny or fat. No excuse for not wearing one. You had to. You had to look skinny. And those thing must have been super tight. I don't plan on ever wearing one.

"It's okay. Its okay. Everything will be fine. I haven't signed up." I tell myself out loud.

"I actually already signed you up." Peridot says smiling. My eye twitches. I then take a deeper breath.

"It's okay. It's still okay. I don't have to go to auditions. Everything will be fine." I assure myeslf once again.

"You have to come. All of our friends are coming. Plus a few other peolple from the school. And if you don't come, they will make sure you do." he says. I put my hands on his chest and try to push him. I grunt.

"This is your fault. I blame you." I say grunting while trying to push him, but he doesn't move.

"You are going to hurt yourself." he says.

"I'm sure you'd love that." I say.

"Come on." Perido says and he takes my wrist and puts a hand on my waist. Jane barks and stands up, though she can't stand long so she falls back on the floor. Though she still watches. Waiting for a good excuse to chase him from my room.

"I'm auditioning for the main role. And I put that you are auditioning to me my wife." he says saying wife with pride as if that will make me feel any better.

"That is worse!" I say. I push away from him and take the flyer from his hands."What is this musical even about?"

I look at the flyer. There is a star with a man on the top point, pointing upwards. The big letters spell something unexpected.

Hamilton:

An American Musical

I didn't really look at the title. I just looked at the big picture. I have heard of this musical before. Maybe I even used to listen to the music. But it has been a long time. I barely remember who the lead male is. I read the summary out loud.

"Orphaned Alexander Hamilton from the Caribbean islands comes to America in the late 1700s. Fighting as Patriot in the American Revolution, being right hand man of General Washington himself, first Secretary Treasury in the greatest city in the world, and marrying into a wealthy and prestigious family. Hamilton is not only a war hero, but a visionary who shaped America in the late 1700s to the early 1800s.

Join us as Alexander Hamilton faces the hardships of young and endless work, affairs, lust to fight for what is right, love, and betrayal."

I look at Peridot,"That is some summary."

"I know." he says with pride.

"So you are auditioning for the so-called Alexander Hamilton?" I ask.

"You are correct." Peridot responds.

"And I am supposed to be?" I ask gesturing for him to finish my sentence and answer my question.

"Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton. Reffered to as Eliza. Or as I reffer to you, 'my Darling Betsey.'" Peridot says putting a hand around my waist. I put a hand on his chest and push him away gently.

"Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton? Eliza? My Darling Betsey?" I questuon myself as if I were thinking it but I know what my answer will be.

"No thank you. You can put that ring away because I won't be your wife." I say smiling at my pathietic little joke.

"Its just pretend. We aren't actually getting married." he says.

"Even if I am pretending, I don't want to look like a fool. It says you married into a wealthy and prestigious family. Therefore you would be marrying me for interest." I say.

"We are acting." he says.

"I also heard somewhere that this Hamilton guy has some affair with a married women. So technically you will also be cheating on me. On stage." I said.

"We are acting Lazuli." Peridot says.

"I'm not going to sing in front of everybody!" I say.

"You don't know them." Peridot says.

"You're right. I don't know them, but they will know me. And if I see them in the hallway, they will want to talk to me!" I say.

"Calm down." He replies. Suddenly an idea comes to me.

"When is this audition?" I ask.

"Umm, in a week." he says surprised by my sudden change in mood. I look at Jane.

"Give me a minute to talk with Jane." I said.

"Its a dog." he responds.

"No one asked for your opinion." I say and I have to hold back from saying that she is not the one who follows me around. I push him out of my room amd turn back to Jane.

"I think I have an idea." I say. She looks at me gesturing for me to continue.

"What if I go to the audition," I start but before I can continue Jane stand up and barks as if objecting.

"Hear me out first I say." I continue."What if I go to the audition. Make him get the role, then I intentionally fail the audition. That way he will have to stay to after school rehersals and he won't come here."

Jane wags her tail and barks, but from happiness this time. It seems like a good idea. I have an entire week to plan it though. I go to the door and open it. Peridot is just standing there with a grin. I really hope he didn't hear anything I said to Jane. This past month with Peridot hasn't been as bad as I expected. But it would be nice to have some time to myself again. In my world again. To feel and know what I'm used to. There is nothing wrong with some privacy once in a while.

"So what did you 'consult with your 'secretar'?" he asks. Jane looks at me. I look at het then back at Peridot.

"Who else is going?" I ask.

"Basically everyone you know. Amethyst, Sapphire and Ruby, Steven, and not that it's special or anything, but Blue Pearl and Luke." he says with Pride in his voice.

"Luke's going?" I ask. I meant to ask about Blue Pearl, but I know Luke more than I know her.

"Yeah. He loves musicals. He says stuttering sometimes blends in with his singing." Peridot says. I take a moment to analyze the situation, as if I werw thinking. Though I know what I am going to say.

"I'll go." I say. He smiles because he thinks he won. What's wrong with small innocent little lie? It can't be worse than every other lie I've been told, or I've told.

"It would be nice to see to Luke again. He is adorable." I say.

"That's my brother you are talking about Lazuli." he says smiling though I am not sure of his intention with that statment.

"Brother or not he has more game than you do." I say. He grins.

"Oh really?" he asks. He tries to hold my wrist but I slap it away gently as to not hurt him.

"Don't touch me. And don't call me Lazuli." I say. It brings back bad memories I add to myself.

"And what would make my younger brother have more game than I Miss Lapis Lazuli?" He asks with a grin.

"I don't know. Maybe the fact that he doesn't stalk me. Or maybe that he is a lot more cuter than you." I say smiling.

"Who says I need looks to charm you?" Peridot asks grining. I thought he would object to the statment of him stalking me.

"No one really said it. Because you may have looks Peridot, but it's gonna take lot more than some sweet talk to get to me." I say.

"What about some cheesecake?" he asks. I don't say anything. He talks before I can think of anything to say.

"You can use it. You're too skinny. You know that?" he 'comments'.

"Don't think about going there." I say. I know what comes next. He is going to ask me on a date, or should I say 'a friend's night out'.

"You don't have anything to worry about if you are going to say no. Or are you worried you are going to fall for me?" Peridot asks grinning. I blush. I hope he doesn't noticed.

"I don't think that possible. How can I fall for someone I barely know." I state.

"Well, what do you want to know?" he asks. I'm surprised.

"Really?" I ask.

"Yeah. Ask me whatever you want." he replies. I need to take advantage of this. It might be the only time he might answer my questions.

"Where are you from?" I ask.

"Somewhere out west." he says.

"Where?" I ask again.

"I never said I would be specific." Peridot replies. I move on to my next question.

"Since when have you been living in Beach City?" I ask.

"About seven years." he answers.

"Tell me about your family." I say. It isn't a question, but it still requires an answer.

"My grandparents live south, about an hour and a half away in a car. I live with my parents and my brother which you already know." says Peridot. I start to get annoyed of this auestion and answer thing. Sure I want him to answer things but I wish he would just tell me. But I have one more question.

"How do you know so much about me?" I ask.

"You want to know something Lazuli?" he asks. I don't say anything. When will he stop calling me by my last name?

"What?" I ask.

"I can read your mind." he says. Peridot starts laughing. Jane and I look at eachother and I know we both think he is crazy. I turn back to him.

"Tell me. You told me you would answer my questions." I say.

"And that time is up." he replies.

"Peridot!" I say.

"No intimate questions, unless you want to get intimate." he says with a sly grin.

"Never." I respond.

We go on with our usual converstations. Him trying to do things and me stopping him. Jane just watching us, observing Peridot's every move. I've grown used to these evenings. I actually quite enjoy them. I have something to do. But I miss those days when it was just Jane and me. I can't wait to have them back.

The time comes and Peridot has to leave.

"Until tomorrow Lazuli." he says bowing a little as he makes his way to the balcony.

"Get out of here already." I say pushing him lightly out of the door. I smile as he leaves. Then I close the curtains. My back leans on the covered door and I let myself fall down, my knees close to my chest. Jane sits in front of me. Something Peridot said stays on my mind. Jane nudges my knee woth her nose. She wants to know what.

""Jane, I think Peridot is right." something I never though I'd say. Jane tilts her head in confusion.

"You know me Jane. If I ever do get to know him, you know what'll happen." I hug my legs and rest my head on my knees. She wimpers and puts her head on my knee too.

"He's right. I am afraid to fall for him." I say. I hear the front door open and I stand up as I get dragged back down to reality."But that is impossible. He is impossible."

I assure myself as I go to the bathroom and take my pill. I get ready for bed as one doubtful thought remains in my head.

I can't fall for someone like him.

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hey! Chapter 15 done. How do you guys like it so far? And if you guys are wondering why I put a musical in here, it's so it helps many characters brake the ice and not just because I couldn't help but imagine the scenes while I listened to the music.****So guys, the musical does has some(a lot) curse words in a few(nearly every) song. I would recommend listening to the music. It is very educational. I do not own it. It belongs to Lin Manuel Miranda. So please keep commenting. And check out Hamilton. Not the guy though. He's dead.****I am a super huge mega fan of the Musical, I am saving up to go. It is really expensive. But yeah, I am in Virginia. I am back in my house tomorrow. Next chapter is 16. Yay! I feel like I have a made a lot of progress. Sorry of this chapter is short.****Anyways, have a good night/day. Until next chapter**


	16. Chapter 16

**The Cold Star**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

I'm in the cafeteria. It's lunch. My favorite subject. I'm with Amethyst, Ruby and Sapphire, and Steven. Like always they ask me if I don't want to eat anything which I always say no to. Sometimes Peridot decides to join us. Which results in him always sitting next to me and bothering me with indirect questions or comments. As if coming to my house and invading my privacy werent enough. But I've gotten used to it, so its easier to bare.

"Lapis, don't you want to eat anything?" asks Steven.

"No. Thanks." I say.

"Are you sure? Its Pizza Friday." says Amethyst while pointing at me with her pale and oily Pizza.

"I'm good." I respond while giving a small smile.

"So Lapis, we wanted to go to the beach on Sunday. To have a small beach party, just us. I was wondering if you wanted to come." Steven asks me. A beach Party? I'm not the type of party girl.

"I don't know." I say.

"It's not really a party. More like a barbecue. And it's just going to be us five, Peridot, Luke, and Connie." he says trying to convince me.

"Who's Connie?" I ask.

"Connie's-" Steven starts to speak but Amethyst cuts him off.

"His girlfriend." she responds.

"No she' not! We're just friends, really good friends!" Steven replies, blushing.

"Yeah. Friends who hang out all the time." Amethyst says. I giggle a little.

"At what time is it?" I ask.

"It starts at 2:30. And ends at 9:30." Steven says.

"I'll be a little late. And I'll have to leave at 7:30. Can I bring Jane?" I say.

"Who's Jane?" Steven asks.

"My dog." I respond.

"Yeah. I'm bringing Lion. My cat." Steven replies smiling. The boy is suprisingly very cheerful. I've never seen anyone so joyful. Steven and Luke are very similar in that aspect, but I think Steven is a lot more cheerful. He always talks nice about everyone, his voice is so gentle, he is so nice. I'm surprised Luke isn't Steven's brother but Peridot's.

A beach party, a barbecue, I feel like they are the same thing. Aren't they? A party has food. The only difference I see is the grill. But a party sometimes has a grill, doesn't it? At least there won't be a lot of people. Just people I sort of know, and people I sort of trust, and Peridot will also be there.

Why does he have to be in everything? I don't hate him like I used to, but that doesn't mean I consider him a friend either. There's a difference between someone you know, and a friend. That difference is called trust. It could also be reffered to as Peridot. Don't you think? Jane agrees.

If my mom knew what goes on when she isn't around. She could get mad with me for anything. If she found out about Peridot after she specifically told him to stay away from me, and she also told me to stay away from him, I'd be on a one way trip to boarding school. And when I say one way, I mean I'll be on the other side of this miserable planet, in a school were I am not allowed to use my phone, until I finish college and graduate as a lawyer in criminology(or whatever my mom wants me to be a lawyer in) and get my doctor's degree. And if my mom even wants to see me after that, she'll probably get me a super stressful job in whatever it is I graduated on. Then possibly(if I am still alive, or if I haven't run away) she will force me to marry this guy who is exeeding economically, but is a brute and total idiot by the way, who will only want me to bore him children so they can keep his legacy and he will be very abusive with me.

I'm not lying about that last part, I've met him.

So it is a good thing that Jane is good at keeping secrets, because I won't live that long. If this is how my mom is, I wonder how Peridot's mother is. Is she worse, is she kinder? Honestly I don't know why I ask, because I don't want to know.

To be honest, I wonder about a lot of things that I don't really want an answer to because I'm afraid of the answer. I'm afraid that it might break me more than it already has. I use to wonder why my parents would never let me leave the house at night. I wondered if life really was like in the fairy tales where all you have to do is believe and everything would be okay. I wondered if dreams really did come true, I wondered what it would be like to know more, what having responsibility was like, what being alone felt like, what being helpless really was, and if friends were forever. And I got all the answers. I got every answer with a lot of detail. Now I still wonder, but I don't ask. If knowing the answer has taught me anything, it's to not say anything that could cost you everything. Or in my case, not say anything at all. I've already lost everything, but I won't lose my head. Not again.

"So Lapis," I snap back into reality. Amethyst is talking to me.

"I saw your name on the sign up sheet for the play this year." she comments. Musical! It is a musical! I try to play it cool.

"Yeah." I say.

"Really?" Steven questioned. He was smiling. I could literally see the stars in his eyes.

"Ummm," I try to find something to say other than 'yeah, but I'm going to fail the audition on prupose'. That doesn't sound like a goos thing to say. Like Peridot said, I'm signed up, so I have to go, if not I fear they'll make me go.

"Who are you auditioning for?" Ruby asks.

"She is auditioning for Eliza." Sapphire says answering for me.

"How do you know?" Ruby questioned Sapphire.

"It said on the sign up sheet." Sapphire said. I haven't seen the sign up sheet, so I don't say anything.

"Have you ever been in a play or in a musical?" Amethyst asks me while Ruby and Sapphire argue with eachother.

"No." I say

"Can you sing?"

"Maybe."

"Can you dance?"

"Maybe."

"Would you wear a dress?"

"No."

I don't like dresses. When I was a girl, dresses were the best gift. Now, they're just a nuisence. Dresses usually make me sweat, especially in summer. They also don't let me use the bathroom properly, and they are too big. I would also have to wear shorts under and everyone would see my bare legs! If it was a short dress that is. And I know I would absulutely never wear such a thing.

"Me neither. Well, unless it was absolutely necessary. That it is why I am auditioning to be this guy named Aaron Burr. Heard he's a cool dude." Amethyst explains. I don't know who Aaron Burr is, but knowing Amethyst, it's probably someone loud and outgoing if she calls him cool. Nevertheless I admire her. She isn't afraid. I wish I was a little like her.

"That's good." I respond.

"Yeah. Your are auditioning to be Eliza, so you'll be the middle daughter." Amethyst says. I look at her puzzled. Then I remember.

"There are three, right?" I ask.

"Yup, but the youngest one doesn't apear after act one. Don't know why and I don't care enough to figure out." Amethyst says.

"She dies." Steven cuts in.

"And now I know. But how do you know Steven?" she questions with a sly smile.

"Connie told me." he responds and immediately regtets his responce.

"Oh did she now? What else she say?" she asked smiling.

"Amethyst," Steven says.

"Is she coming to the audition?" she asked.

"Amethyst," Steven repeats.

"Better tell everyone that Connie Universe is coming." she says.

"Amethyst!" Steven says.

"Whatever dude." she responds smiling, satisfied at the results. I guess Connie and Steven are very good friends then if Amethyst teases them. But this is Amethyst. Anything is possible with her. At least that is what I have been told.

"Who are Ruby and Sapphire auditioning for?" I ask. That catches their attention and they look at me smiling.

"We are actually auditioning to be two people, both of us each." Ruby says.

"I will be auditioning to be Lafayette and Thomas Jerfferson-" Sapphire starts then Ruby interupts.

"And I'll be Hercules Mulligan, and James Madison." she states.

Honestly I have never heard of the names Hercules Mulligan, of Lafayette, or Aaron Burr. They sound familiar, and I obviously know they have to do with the musical, but I don't think they are common names someone would name their child today. But someone wouldn't name their child Lapis Lazuli now would they? I wonder what my parents were thinking when they named me after a blue rock. And what a coincidence that I now also know at least 7 people who are also named after a rock or a gem.

"How are you guys going to be two people at a time?" I question.

"Lafayette and Mulligan only appear in the first act, and Jefferson and Madison appear only in the second act." Sapphire explains.

"Oh, ok. And where does this Aaron Burr appear?" I ask Amethyst.

"He appears throughout the whole show. He starts the first song, and he almost ends everything. The whole show basically ends with Eliza's accomplishments. So if everything goes well, Peridot will be the protagonist, and I'll be the antagonist." she states smiling with pride. I wonder who Luke will be auditioning for, I guess I'll find out in a few days.

"I'm still not sure who I'm going to be. I guess I'll just be anybody who's left, or I'll just stick to the music with Connie." Steven says.

"Music?" I ask.

"Well yeah, it's not a musical wothout music, is it?" Steven asks me smiling.

"What kind of instrument do you play?" I ask him.

"Well, the ukulele, guitar, and piano and thats it." Steven says smiling.

"Thats impressive. I don't even know how to play one. Do you know how to play them good?" I also also smiling. Suddenly Steven's eyes widen and his smile reaches his eyes. Amethyst looks at me.

"Why did you have to ask that Lazuli?" she asks me as of I had done something wrong.

"I can show you on Sunday. I can bring my ukulele." Steven says excitedly with stars in his eyes. I look over at Amethyst.

"I'd love that Steven." I respond which makes Amethyst groan.

"Me too but the part where everyone gets sentimental." I recognize that voice as if it were my own shadow. How could I not recognize Peridot a galaxy away if he's always following me around. Though I've got to admit, the many ways he finds to make me play his game are astonishing. He sits down right next to me.

"Peridot!" Steven says.

"Hey kid! The teacher called me out again." he explains.

"And you are proud of that?" I ask raising an eyebrow. He looks at me.

"Maybe, but it's funny to see her get mad and try to talk some sence into me." Peridot says smiling.

"Oh that's funny cause that's exactly what I try to do every day. So I must ask, am I funny?" I ask him woth a raised eye brow. He is silent for a second, and I think I got him there, but I am wrong.

"No. See Lazuli, there is a difference between funny.." he pauses for a second,"and...cute."

I scoff.

"Do you think Jane is cute?" I ask him.

"Nope. I have the perfect title for you two. The beauty and the beast." he says. We both smile. I actually enjoy our little arguments like these, just for curiosity though. There is a small silence between us for that moment though we could hear the distant chatter of teenagers talking as we stare at eachother.

"Woah! What am I picking up here? Are you two dating?" Amethyst asks smiling and I snap out of my trance. I blush madly as I look at her.

"What?! Eww! No! That's crazy! Never!" I say.

"That's not what your blush says." Amethyst says.

"Aww. You two look nice together." Steven says still with star shaped pupils.

"No!" I say. Everyone else, Peridot included, laughs.

"Hey, hey, lets ask Sapphire." Amethyst says.

"What? Why?" I ask though it appears nobody has ears as they turn to look at Sapphire.

"Hey Sapph,what do you foresee will happen to them Amethyst asks as of she were making fun of Sapphire. Sapphire is silent for a minute and I can't tell how she feels with her bangs covering her eyes. Blue Pearl also has bangs covering her eyes. I wonder how they see what's in front of them. Or do they just use their other four senses like in the movies?

"I forsee," she starts but pauses as if she were using Amethyst's words against her. Then she continues,"that of they continue down the same path.." she pauses," as they are now.." she pauses again,"Peridot will recieve.." why does someone need to pause so much? Does she just like building suspence,"a very hard, and very well, deserved, slap, from Lapis."

I widen my eyes. A second later I realize everyone else has their eyes widened too. Wow. I'm going to slap Peridot? In the future. I have an idea of why, but I wonder. Sapphire described it as hard and well deserved. I wonder why. I wonder what Peridot will do to me that Sapphire would describe it the way she did, and in the tone of voice she used to describe it. It sounds as if Peridot would have killed someone. Though that would also be a very good reason to slap someone. But I wonder why. I know I shouldn't. Nothing good ever come from wondering. Wonders don't exist for me. They simply don't exist. Their just a legend, a myth, a fairytale. Wonders haven't happened to me in a long time. Just wondering, but no wonders. I don't want the answer to this question, so I won't ask.

"Wow." Amethyst answers in shock.

"What did I do?" Peridot asks. Steven doesn't say anything.

"I cannot tell you. It would alter the way things are gonna happen. And if that happened, neither of you, and a few other people would be happy, with the exception of a few people." she says. Though I can't see her eyes, I know she's looking at me. And I know perfectly that she means my mom. My mom is never happy. She's so busy being miserable all the time, she makes everyone else around her miserable. I also think she might mean, Pearl, and maybe even me. What do I know about happiness? I had happiness once. It was terrible. Cause it wasn't happiness. 'It was happiness,' that's what I kept telling myself until I realized happiness had feld from me a long time ago.

"Why?" Peridot asks Sapphire.

"I can't tell you." she responds. Peridot is about to insist but Ruby cuts in.

"She said she can't tell you." Ruby says as if threatning him. I know he isn't the type to argue with his friends. He looks at me amd I smile with satisfaction.

"Expect a slap instead of anything else." I whisper so no one but him can hear. I smile. He smirks. I know he's found a way to turn my phrase to his favor, but he doesn't say.

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

**Hey guys. I'm back in school in about three weeks. So by then I'll be back to one chapter per month. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.**

**See you all in the next chapter. Have a good night/day.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Just the Ten of Us**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

It's sunday. Yay, is what I would say if I didn't have to go to that Beach Party Steven invited me too. But it might be fun. Except the part where Peridot is there. But what can I do? It's not like I can avoid him.

Anyways, he's aupposes to be here in about ten minutes. I'm going to bring Jane. I'm not sure if Luke is coming with Peridot, or if he will meet us there, but I'm going to see him over there. Though I still don't understand how Luke is related to Peridot. They are nearly the opposite of each other.

Jane barks, and I know prince charming has arrived. I turn around and open the balcony. Jane goes outside. Peridot appears, helping Luke who is struggling to get over the railing. Peridot eventually gets ammoyed and carries him over and sets him down. Jane jumps on him happily.

"Aww, doggy." he says smiling. He falls on his knees and hugs her as she licks his face.

"Jane!" I say. She looks at me and gets off him. Luke looks at me astonished.

"Is sh-she train-trained?" he asks.

"No. But when you have a dog for a long time you learn to communicate." I respond. Jane goes inside and Luke follows her, smiling.

"Ready?" Peridot asks me. I look back at him smiling.

"To go to a party? No." I respond. He chuckles. I previously told him that we were using the front door. He was fine with that. I grab Jane's papers and put them in my pockets. We go downstairs and I take my keys. Luke opens the front door and Jane and Peridot go out. He open the door for me and then I lock it. Luke looks at me.

"She doe-doesn't need a...leash?" he questions me taking a moment to say leash. It's the first time I hear him pause and have trouble saying a word.

"Umm, no. I have papers that say she doesn't need a leash. But I still have a harnest at home." I respond.

"That'a cool-cool." he responds.

"That mut is smarter than I thought." Peridot says.

"Yeah. Smar-smarter than you." Luke responds.

"That's not what you say when I help you with your homework." Peridot says. Luke sticks his tongue out at him and then turns his attention to Jane.

"You're wearing your sweater to the beach?" Peridot asks me.

"Yeah." I answer.

"Why do you always wear a sweater?" he questions.

"I'm not going to answer." I say.

"Why not?" he asks.

"Because you never answer my questions." I say giving him a taste of his own medicine.

"It's fine. It's not like they were interesting questions." he says smiling.

"There's nothing I can do about that, but my questions aren't as interesting either." I say also smiling. There is a moment of silence. Luke and Jane are ahead of us. Luke talks while Jane simply looks at him or barks.

"So, how's your Pearl problem?" Peridot asks.

"My what?" I ask confused.

"Your problem with Pearl." he responds.

"Oh that. Well, remains the same. The looks, the stares." I respond. She's got something against me, and I honestly don't know why.

"Hey, Peridot. She likes you right?" I ask.

"She doesn't really like me. She's more like obsessed with me." he explains.

"Why?" I ask.

"How am I supposed to know?" he says looking at me.

"I don't know. Were you two friends?" I ask.

"Used to be. When I first moved here, we had to do a project in partners. Pearl was my partner. You ask a girl to meet up after school to discuss a project, and suddenly they think you're dating." he responds.

"Not every girl." I respond.

"Then you're not a girl." he says.

"Maybe I'm not." I say.

"Anyway, I still aced that project." he says with pride. I smile. These small rare conversations I have with him, are converstations I like. It feels nice sometimes. Sometimes he can be this annoying Mr. Bad Boy, and other times, he can be a comprehensive and sensible human being. That's sometimes the word I use to refer to him in my diary. Mr. Bad Boy. Very simple title, yet it says a lot of things.

A few minutes pass by and we are at the boardwalk. I see them. Though we are at the beach, I still wear my sweater, I have jeans that end just over my ankle and my white sneakers. Luke starts to run to everyone, and Jane follows him barking. I see everyone greet Luke. And once Peridot and I come closer they greet us as well.

"Peridot! Lapis!" They all say in perfect unity. I wonder how people do it. They make it look so easy.

"Hey guys." Peridot greets.

"Hi." I say.

I watch as Jane goes and greet everyone. She goes hysterical when there are so many people. Jane goes around in circles, barking and wagging her tail.

"You guys made it just in time. I was just about to start the grill." Steven says putting down a bag full of coal, and a girl I haven't seen at his side. That must be the Connie girl I have heard so much about. She's pretty, and a little taller than Steven.

I go and say hi to everyone. I introduce myself to Connie and we have a small one minute converstation. Then I go to everyone else. While I am speaking to Sapphire, out of the corner of my eye I see Peridot give something to Steven. I find interest in it, because I see Steven look over at me for a breif second before Peridot makes him look back at him. Peridot leaves Steven, but Steven still smiles and puts coal on the grill. Peridot then approaches us.

"Hey Sapph." he says. We start talking. Then after a minute I feel a tug on my sleeve. I turn around and it's Luke.

"Hey Luke." I say. He smiles.

"How-how old is ssshe?" he asks pointing at Jane who is standing right next to him, panting.

"Jane is seven." I respond.

"She's old." Luke says. I laugh as Jane stares at both of us.

"I'm sure Luke didn't mean it." I say calming down. Luke than says something under his breath and removes his jacket off. His arms are skinny. He then taps Peridot's arm and hands him his jacket. I slightly giggle because after that he just runs off with Jane and a small cat. That's probably Steven's cat. What did he say his name was? Lion.

"Hey Lapis," I turn around and see Amethyst holding a long rectangular box.

"Can you help me set the volleyball net up?" she asks me.

"Sure." I say as I go ans help her with the box. She picks a spot and I set the box down.

We open it and the first thing I take out is the manual. I flip it to the instructions which start on page six. They waste nearly four pages translating the uses and the warranty in several different languages, but the instructions are only translated in english and french for some reason. While I read the first set of instructions Amethyst takes a few things out.

"So first we ne-"I start but I am interupted.

"I don't like to use the manual. Don't worry, I know how to do this." She says.

She starts putting these nail looking things into the poles. Once that is done she asks me to help her put over the nails. After that we both take one pole and walk slowely in the opposite direction of each other. Then when we can't walk any further we stop. She calls Luke over who is being followed by Jane and Lion. Luke holds the pole while Amethyst hammers down a thin white rope holding the pole in place. Then Luke goes back to play with Jane and Lion. Amethyst comes over to me amd does the same while I hold it in place. Once that's done, Amethyst takes something else out. A rope. She tells me it goes around so we know who gets a point. I forgot what it's called. When we are done nailing the rope down, both of us are sweating. I'm not sweating because I have a sweater on, but because it has been a while since I go to the beach on a sunny day, and away from the safety of my room with an air conditioner.

"Lapis! Amethyst! Come on!" Steven calls us, and we both know that the food is ready. Both of us walk back.

There is a large picnic table there. Though it seems out of place on the beach. Steven tells me it is a foldable table, and I believe him. We sit down. There is just enough room for the seven of us. Jane sits on a foldable chair with Lion. We all sit down, I sit on the edge. Everyone of them have a plate in front of them, but me. Like Peridot said before, I don't eat any meat but chicken. My dad always teases me on being a vegan, and I have to remind him the difference between vegan and vegetarian. And I am not a vegetarian. Though I've tried to.

A plate is put in front of me. I look at Steven.

"We aren't going to forget about you." he says smiling. I am about to object, but I decide against it.

"Thanks." I say.

"I'd be taking all the credit if I said it was me." he says. I know what he's talking about. I slightly blush.

"Thanks anyway." I say.

"No prob Bob." he says and leaves. It's nothing big that he gave me. It's just two hotdogs. But the sausage is different. Everyone's is beef, while mine is chicken. It is a small gesture, but it's nice. Jane stands on her feet and looks at me.

"One for you, one for me." I whisper to her. She gets down and sits patiently.

Everyone starts eating while talking. Then Peridot sits down by me. This is going to be awkward.

"Thanks." I say looking at him. He smiles.

"No problem. I was just wondering if you actually eat." he says. I blush and smile. I know he's flirting with me. But this time it feels different. I don't say anything against it and just eat. And then I give the other one to Jane on the plate.

"You want another one?" he asks me.

"No, I'm good." I say. I look down at Jane qho is already half way through her hotdog.

"You eat fast, you know?" he says. He takes a bite of his burger. The first thing I think of is of the poor cow.

"Where you hungry?" he asks. I snap out of my thoughts.

"No." I say. Jane whines and I know she is trying to contradict me.

"Your pretty when you smile, you should do that more often." he says, I blush.

"Please don't. At least not here, in front of everybody." I half whisper half plead. If it's in my house, or when we are alone, It's fine. I'm used to it by now. But not in front of everybody. That just feels weird, and well, I don't want them to get the wrong idea.

"As you wish." he says as he continues eating. I look down at Jane. She's sitting down on the sand, an empty plate in front, licking her lips, looking at me.

"When we get home I'll cook something up." I whisper to her. At that Lion appears and they go off to play together. Jane's made a friend, I think to myself. And she was the one who didn't want to come. I just hope Lion doesn't turn out like my friend.

"Are you guys nervous for the audition?" I look at Steven.

"No." Luke responds.

"Me neither." Peridot says. Everyone else also agrees. I also shake my head. Just because I don't want to be questioned.

"Though I am-am a litttle..nervous for my stuttering. I've been practticing." Luke adds.

"Hey kid, why don't you ask them who you will be auditioning for." Peridot says.

"Of cou-course. I will be au-auditioning for A-Aaron Burr, sir." Luke says, the last part in a sing song voice.

"Hey me too!" Amethyst exclaims."We'll see which one of us makes it."

"May the-th-the best man winn." Luke says. So their auditioning for the same guy, I wonder what the other will do if they loose.

"Well, enough about thw Musical. It's all we've been talking about. Let's change the subject." Amethyst suggests. I agree.

"Like to what?" asks Connie.

"To something more physical." Amethyst starts.

"To volleyball." Peridot finishes. I wonder how this tiny little group is able to read eachother's minds.

"Let's make teams while we finish eating." Steven says.

Then we divide. Steven, Connie, Ruby, and Sapphire are team A. Peridot, Luke, Amethyst and me are team B. Seems accurate, but also funny of who has who for a teamate. I can tell you one of mine is no coincidence. Everyone finishes rating amd we clean up. We were gonna leave the plates there and clean up after the game, but the wind kept blowing everything away. We didn't really have much of a choice. Do we ever?

We go to the net and we almost waste a whole minute fighting about who's gonna get what side. Team B, us, get's the side were the sun slaps our faces. I roll up my sleeves to my elbow. Luke and Amethyst are at the front while Peridot and I are at the back. We're just waiting for him. I look at him while I wait. He knows I'm looking at him. In one swift motion he takes his jacket off and puts in on the table where only a few things are left on top. I look away and blush deeply. I don't dare look at him, if I do, my eyes will be looking somewhere else. He stands next to me as Luke and Ruby do rock-paper-scissors.

"You ready?" Peridot asks me.

"No. I haven't played in years." I say trying my best not to look at him. I see Jane and Lion sit in the sidelines as if they were cheerleaders.

"Just don't let the ball hit the ground and I'll pass it." he says.

"Sure." I respond.

I try to think of other things, but I'm overcome and I peak over at him. I think he works out. His muscles are the size of Jane. I feel like one of those girls from the movie when their crush makes a move on them. Of course except the part where I have a crush. Damn it! I look away blushing. We get the ball, and Peridot serves. Steven throws it up and Sapphire jumps and passes it over to our side. Luke throws it upwards and Amethyst tries to pass it, but it hits the net and falls to the ground.

"One point for us!" Connie says out loud. The last time I played volleyball, I played it a little differently, but it's smiliar enough. They rotate and Ruby serves and the ball goes really high, with a lot of speed. The ball comes twords me. I took self defence classes a few years ago, so my reflexes are quite sharp. Once the ball comes close enough I pass it over the net. I can tell Peridot is impressed. It makes me blush, but I am too concentrated to give it importance. Connie throws it upwards and Steven hits it getting it closer to the net, and Sapphire throws it to our side. Luke is quick and jumps, and throws it down on the ground on their side.

"P-point for uss!" Luke says in exitment. I smile.

We rotate and Amethyst serves. Ruby jumps high for her hight, and throws it down straight twords the ground. I quickly react and bump the ball up. Luke right next to me, throws it over the net to their side. Steven throws it over the net and Peridot throws it back to their side. Connie and Sapphire bump it back to our side and Amethyst throws it back. We continue like for the next few points. Steven, Sapphire, and Luke. Connie and me. Ruby and Peridot. Steven and Amethyst. Connie keeps track and it turns out to be 9 team A : 8 team B. We are one point behind. That's when the ball hits the boundary on their side.

"We get a point!" Peridot says.

"But it was out of bound!" Ruby says.

"It was on the line." Peridot responds. Everyone bursts into seperate little argumemts. I just stand there. I don't care enough to argue. After all, it's just a game. After nearly two full minutes of this Connie interferes.

"It was on the line. So technically it is still inside the boundary, therefore, they get a point and it's a tie." Connie says. Peridot smiles, satisfied.

"What do you say Steven, 15?" Peridot asks.

"Sure." Steven reaponds.

We rotate again, and the ball is handed to me. I hold the ball and get in postition, then I throw it over the net. I'm not exactly the best when it comes to terminology. We keep going. Honestly my hands start to burn because the ball isn't heavy, but it is very firm. My fingers and wrist start to burn. Luckily there's only one point left. Right now, it's a tie.

"Hey Steven!" Peridot calls. Everyone turns their attention to him.

"Whats up?" He asks.

"Whichever team loses has to clean everything up next party!" Peridot says.

"Sure." Steven says. Everyone else speaks and nods in agreement. I'm again not sure, but still, I nod. If I mess this serve up, they'll blame me. I shake that thought away. All I have to do is get the ball over the net. That is all. Then it's up to everyone else to not let it fall on the ground.

I position myself and throw the ball over the net. It's over the net! Now all I have to do is make sure the ball does not fall to the ground in my area and help others if necessary. Sapphire jumps and throws the ball downwards. Peridot and Amethyst both rush, and Amethyst throws the ball upwards, and Peridot gets it over. Even though the ball is over at their areas, both Luke and I remain alert. Then Steven gives Connie a lift and she jumps throws the ball back at us. That was surprising. How do they even do that? Do they rehearse? Do they read eachother's minds? I find it astonishing. Luke throws the ball upwards and since I am next to him, I bump it close to the net. My fingers and wrists hurt, so it doesn't pass. Luke is quick to react and passes the ball over the net. Ruby bumps and the ball nearly falls on the floor, but then Steven bumps and Sapphire jumps and throws it down. Peridot and Amethyst rush to it. The ball hits our side of the floor. I'm actually a bit disappointed.

"We win!" Steven exclaims. Luke goes over to him and they hug and pat eachpther on the back.

"Gooood game." Luke says.

We congradulate them, and they tell us thats it was a good game or vice versa. After that we all drank water or soda or something. I gave Jane water in a plate too. I should really get her groomed.

After that Ruby makes fun of us for losing, especially since we are taller. Her words, not mine. We sit, on the table, a few of us on the sand, and we talk. Of course the musical comes up, but it dies down quickly. I agree with what Amethyst said earlier, the musical is nearly the only thing we talk about. Maybe not all the time, but not a day passes when I am not reminded of the dreadful event a certain friend got me into. A few hours pass by, I lose track of time, but it's going to get dark soon. I don't know how, but we started playing truth or dare, and well, lets just safe neither of them are safe from trouble.

Everyone laughs as Jane lies on Peridot's lap, Amethyst is wet from going into the ocean, Luke is buried under the sand. Ruby is holding a crab in her hands, keeping it away from her body as it snatches its pincers, her dare was to hold it the rest of the game. And well, this game has been going on for a little over an hour. Most of the time was trying to bury Luke under the sand, making sure there there no animals or conches he could hurt himself with. And Sapphire's dare was just to shout everytime someone says the dare they must perform. That is an easy one, but a bit annoying. Connie has to repeat everything we all say until her next turn in a mocking way. And Steven's was to taste one of the cat treats he brought for Lion. That was funny. Even I felt disgusted. I wonder how animals eat something that tastes so bad to us. And me? I'm without my sweater because I refuse to tell anybody my birthday. I'm only wearing the long sleeve shirt I had under. They were all disappointed, especially the prince charming right next to me. I don't think it's wise to pick another truth, but I'm scared what they might make me do of I choose dare. And then it's my turn again.

"Truth or dare?" Amethyst asks. I hesitate.

"Dare?" I say cautioualy unsure. I see a mischevous grin appear on her face. That's how I know I've made a mistake.

"No I change my mind!" I say.

"You can't change your mind." she says. She thinks for a moment.

"You have to let me draw something on your arm, in pen. Anything I want." she says.

"Right now?" I ask.

"Yeah." Amethust says as she gets up. And as if by magic, a pen appears on her hand. She sits beside me. I sigh as I roll up my sleeve and hold out my wrist to her. I know I have no escape. She takes it and her hand is a little cold, she still smells like saltwater. cold tip of the pen connects with my skin and it's cold. Everyone continues as Amethyst draws on my skin, and I flinch once because she presses too hard. I don't look until she's done. I look as everyone tries to peak. She gets up grinning. My eyes widen and I gasp.

"You better pray this gets off with water and soap!" I exclaim rubbing my skin.

"What do-does it l...say?" I hear Luke ask. I look at the person beside me.

"Nothing." I say covering it up with my sleeve.

"Show them Lapis." Amethyst says sitting down.

"No." I say. she reaches out and pulls my hand and the sleeve down.

"Seriously?" asks Ruby.

"Well yeah, come on. Don't you guys see it?" she asks. Amethyst wrote, I love(a heart) Peridot. Everyone shakes theit head.

"These two, like eachother." she says. I pull my hand back.

"Eww, no!" I say.

"That's what she says." Amethyst says.

We then hear Ruby scream as she is no longer holding the crab. We laugh and hopefully all is forgoten on the subject. We talk for about another hour until it starts to drizzle.

"I thought you checked the weather for today." Amethyst said turning to Steven.

"I did. It muat have changed or it must have been wrong." Steven replies.

"You think?" she asks.

"Guys! Get m-me-me out o-f...here!" We hear Luke yell and Peridot, Steven, Connie and me run to dig him out. Though once his arms are free, Peridot just pulls him up. He's strong. I've just noticed from all the time he's been going to my house. Once I realize I am blushing, I shake the thought out of my head and I try to focus on something else. Jane and Lion go under the table. I focus on that. Though there's not much to see but two animals cuddled under a table in the rain. It's better than looking at Peridot. We put eveything away quickly and I put my sweater back on. As I help them pack everything I check the time on my phone. It's half an hour until my parents come home! I throw on my hood on as I go and tug Peridot by his sleeve. Thankfully he put his jacket back on. He turns around to look at me.

"What happened?" he asks.

"I have to go home, now!" I say firmly. He looks surprised.

"I didn't realize it was that late." he says. He then turns to Amethyst.

"Hey, can Luke go with you? I'll pick him up later." he says. Luke staying with Amethyst? I wonder if that's a good combination? I doubt it.

"Sure. Anytime with my favorite guy." Amethyst says as she turns to go for Luke.

"Let me just ask them if they need anything else and we'll go." he says. I start to get impatient. I worry a lot. I don't want to get home late, smell like salt water and face my mom because a boy brought me home. The boy she told to stay away from me. After about two minutes, he comes back. We both say goodbye to everyone and then we leave.

"Jane!" I call her and she follows as she stands and says goodbye to Luke. After that she comes after us. I hadn't realized how dark it was until now.

"You okay?" I turn to face Peridot.

"I'm fine." I respond turning away. I quickly check the time. We have fifteen minutes.

"Don't worry. I'll have you back before they even have the time to suspect anything." he says.

"I feel so relieved." I respond sarcastically.

"Come on. Don't tell me you didn't have a good day?" he asks.

"More or less." I respond smiling. More minutes pass by and as more time passes I get more impatient. What if my parents are already home? What if my mom's waiting for me?

When we finally get to my block I am almost out of breath from panicking but I don't think Peridot has noticed. Thankfully. We quickly get to the porch and I get my keys out. I open the door and Jane immediately goes inside. I turn around to say goodbye to Peridot who is right behind me, but that's when both of us turn to see light down the block. My eyes widen and I gasp.

"Dad's car!" I half wisper half scream. I can't let either of them see me with Peridot! I quickly grab Peridot's wrist and pull him inside locking the door. We both lose our balance amd tumble over the couch, and he falls on top of me. Jane sits there watching.

I hear keys shuffling outside the door. I panic.

"Come on!" I wisper as Peridot gets off me. I take his hand and all three of us rush upstairs quietly. I hope they can't hear us. It would be really unfortunate if they heard the footsteps of two people and a dog trying not to get caught. As we get to the second room, I quickly unlock my room and we go inside as I turn the lights on. Peridot goes to my backpack and opens it. He takes out my book and puts it on my desk.

"What are you doing?" I ask whispering.

"Decieving the parents, better yet, your mom." he says.

"Just say you were reading, and you were about to take a shower, mostly because we both smell like salsalt water." Peridot explains.

We hear my dad say they're home.

Peridot quickly opens the curtains and opens the balcony door. I am right behind him. Jane stays inside listening and putting things as ifwe were both here the whole day.

"Your going to go pick up Luke?" I can't help but ask.

"Yeah, at Amethyst's house." he tells me. We hear feet coming up the stairs.

"Okay. Bye, go!" I whisper pushing him.

I go back inside, close the door, and the curtains. Then as soon as I sit down at my desk, my dad opens the door.

"He honey." he says as he comes and stands by me. I stand up and hug him.

"Hey dad." I respond. I hear him sniff me. We separate.

"Why do you smell like salt water?" he asks. I try to think of what to say, but nothing comes to me.

"Jane and me went to the beach, for a walk, I wad actually just about to take a shower." I respond smiling sheepishly. He doesn't buy it.

"I know my daughter, and I know you are lying." he says.

"Only partially." I say.

"Tell me." he says as we both sit down on my bed. I sigh.

"I went with my friends, to a small barbecue. It was just the ten of us." I say assuring him it was nothing big.

"Alright. Just don't lie to me. Now go take your shower, You don't want your mom to know that." he says as he stands up and leaves. I look at Jane who jumps on top of my bed and lays down beside me, as I let my head touch the pillow.

"Just the ten of us," I whisper to myself as I sink into my thoughts.

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hey! Sorry this took so long to update. But I had this whole idea, and well, here it is. Hope you guys liked it. Back to school has been great! I love school! I'm learning Françias. So, be ready in case I decide to throw some in there.****Anyway, I hope you all loved this chapter! Have a good day/night, you all know the drill!****À plus tard mon amis.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Real Friends**

**(Part One**)

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

As soon as I am done showering I put my pajamas on and I hear a noise. It's my computer. I open it and, someone is calling me. A video chat. I know exactly who it is. I accept.

"Hey Marcy!" I say as I sit down on the chair and dry my hair with my towel. Jane gets up from my bed and jumps on me.

Her name is Marcya, but I call her Marcy. She was one of my first friends from my youth. Well, when I was kid. She was the only one who stood by me when everyone else turned their back on me. Marcy is my oldest friend, aside from Jane.

"Hey Lapis, hey Jane!" She has shoulder length chestnut hair, fair skin and purple eyes.

She has this thing called Alexandrite Genesis. It's a genetic mutation. And though her eyes are purple, it doesn't affect her eye sight. Apart from that Marcy doesn't grow any body hair apart from hair on her head, nose, ears, eyebrows amd eyelashes. She doesn't have to shave! And the best part of the Alexandrite Mutation is that she does not get her period. Never! Marcy can still have kids, but she doesn't get periods! Though I still don't understand why she carries pads and tampons with her. What I would give to never again have my period. Anything! The first time I got my period was in school, and I was freaking out. I though I was dying! If Marcy hadn't been there I don't know what I would have done.

"So hows Life? Have you been to the beach? Were there any hot shirtless boys?" she says with a sly smile. I blush and out of nowhere my thought come to Peridot.

"Oooh! What's his name? Does he have abs? Is he hot?" she starts asking me. I blush deeply and push him out of my mind.

"What? No! Marcy, he isn't anything but annoying." I state.

"So you've talked to him." she says narrowing her eyes with a sly smile.

"Marcy." I say.

"Show me a picture. I want to know what my nieces and nephews will look like." she says with her normal enthisiastic voice.

"I don't like him. His name is Peridot. But he's just annoying, besides I don't think I have any picture of him." I say taking my phone out. I go to gallery and I see there are recent pictures taken. My eyes widen.

"He's been using my phone to take picture of himself!?" I exclaim furious.

"Really? Show me one!" Marcy says excited. I just pick a random one and show her. Her eyes widen.

"Son of a bitch, he's hot!" she says which makes me blush.

"Shut up! My parents might hear you!" I whisper this time as Jane gets off me.

"Well Lapis if you don't want him, I'll take him!" she says with a sly smile. I also smile.

"Please, take him. But he's too old for you." I say.

"How old is he?" she asks while eating Pizza.

"First of all don't talk with your mouth full. Second, he's 19." I say.

"Okay. So what does this boy do?" she asks me, ignoring my comment.

"A lot, actually. He comes to my house, he flirts with me, and he calls me by my last name, don't tell anybody, but I think he tried to kiss me." I say looking at the door as if my mom would have appeared because of that. Marcy gasp and squeals.

"Oh my gosh, do you think he likes you?" she asks me.

"Doubt it." I reapond. I look at the time. It's nearly 9:30.

"This could be the chance you've been waiting for." she tells me, trying to convince me.

"I'm still waiting for my mom to tell me that I'm going to get something called period, and that I shouldn't think I'm dying." I say.

"Ugh! Your always so negative." she tells me letting her head drop onto her desk.

"No I'm not. I'm realistic." I say it. I remember what Peridot said about that. He says it makes me different, it makes me stand out. Everyone really always ignores when I make that comment. But he didn't.

"Well, how's Alex?" she asks me.

"Your still on him?" I ask raising my voice. I clasp my hands over my mouth and look to the door expecting my mom to come through.

"Yeah! He's hot." she says.

"He's an asshole." I say.

"Him being an asshole doesn't take away the hot. Besides, he doesn't really like you." Marcy responds.

"Marcy, that's the problem. He doesn't like anyone but himself! Alexander is not good for you!" I say.

My mom has a friend. And her friend has a son. And her son is an asshole. In front of the adults he's an angel, but when him and me are alone, he's a little demon. He locks Jane outside in the hall, or in the backyard. Then he pins me to the wall, the floor, or the bed, whatevers closest and easier. Then he tells me what he'll do to me if we get married. He tells me all sorts of terrible things. He practicaly says what my mom wish she could say. He tells me I'm a freak, and that no one could ever love someone like me. And though I've taken self defence classes, I can't fight him. One: if my mom see's that I've hurt him, or if he tells her, I'll be screwed. Second: I am too scared too fight. My fear over takes me, and I am left defenseless. He use to pull on my long hair and my pig tails when I was a little girl. And he still pulls on my hair. He use to push me on the ground. He use to lock me in my closet, or the bathroom, or my parent' room with a spider because he knows I'd get in trouble. I go hysterical with spiders and lightning. He always takes advantage of me like that. He enjoys to see me suffer. And mom refuses to see that. My dad does. But he can't do anything when my mom invites him every summer to stay at our house. Though I've really only told him that he pulls on my hair and bothers me, and obviously he knows he locks me in with a spider, but Alexander had threatened me not to tell them. I don't want to know what he means when he says "Or else".

But I'm satisfied to know that I'm not the only girl. He's my same age. But I can tell you he's slept with more girls than you might think. He's not good for Marcy. Marcy deserves better. She shouldn't throw herself into an abyss I can't get out of. She has a choice, I just have a orders.

I wonder if Peridot is like that. Has he slept with any girls? Would be kind of hard to look at him if he has. I don't know how Marcy can look at Alex. He's a jerk. But I laugh remembering that Marcy once slapped him. Though I wish it would have been me. She freaked out, started saying sorry so many times.

"I know! You freak out easily." She tells me while smiling, I smile back. Typical Marcy.

"So how's you know?" she asks me.

"I'm okay. My results are okay, if they haven't called my mom, it's probably a good sign." I respond.

"Not that! Well that too, but you, how are you? Emotionally, and mentally." she asks me.

"I'm fine." I say, slightly annoyed.

"No! I've told you so using that word!"

"I'm okay." I say.

"Well, you know I'm here if you ever need to talk." she tells me with a sympathetic look. I roll my eyes. She always tells me that. But I never call her to talk about my feelings. I don't want anyone to see me like a girl with serious problems.

"Well apart from boys, have you made any new friends?" she asks.

"Yeah. Everyone has been very nice and welcoming." I respond. I think of my new friends. I think of today. Of Amethyst writing that on my arm, of Ruby and Sapphire always together, of how cute Steven and Connie look, as do Jane and Lion, Luke being so nice, and Peridot, with his, umm, charms. Yeah, charms is the right word. They are my friends. And Peridot too, I guess.

"That's good to hear. Just let me know if anyone hirts you and I'll go and kick their sorry ass!" Marcy claims. I laugh.

"Thanks. But there is this one girl who keeps looking at me, and I don't think it's because I'm pretty." Because I'm not.

"What's her name?" Marcy asks.

"Pearl." I say.

"That sounds like the name of a bitch who messed with the wrong bitch." Marcy says. I laugh. Marcy can be very funny some times. I really don't know how no guy has asked her out.

"You gotta show her who she's messing with Lapis!" she claims while she makes gestures with her fists.

"I would rather not." I reply smiling.

"Why not?" Marcy asks.

"She has an obsession with," I look to the door thinking maybe my mom would appear,"you know who."

"Oh." Marcy says.

"So I kind of pissed her off, when he started hanging around me." I say. It wasn't really my fault, was it?

"And I thought you said you were going to stay out of drama this time." Marcy says.

"It feels more like drama can't stay away from me." I state.

"Well, I'm going to have to leave you. I had a ton of homework, and I still have to take a shower. Though I'd love to talk all night. Bye!" Marcy tells me.

"Okay. Bye Marcy." I say. After exchanging a few byes, she hangs up. I'm surprised, it usually takes us a few minutes until someone hangs up. She is probably tired. I know I am.

Especially my arms. My wrists are red and sting from playing volleyball. I wonder if anyone else' arms sting like mine? Or are they use to it? They probably hang out all the time. But that doesn't matter, I had fun today. I haven't had fun with a large group in a long time. Jane had fun too. She was running around with Luke and Lion.

I pick my phone up and look at the gallery. There are only five pictures. All of Peridot, but it is still enough to infuriate me.

"Just wait until tomorrow." I exit gallery without deleting any pictures, and then I continue with my life.

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hey! So, what did you all think? Leave comments, they make my day. And thank you for your comments on the last chapter! They made my day.****So have a good day/night and life, you guys know the rest.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Astraphobia**

**(Part One)**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

I am in my last period class, which just happens to be science. The science teacher's name is Mr. Lacassio. He looks like Albert Einstein. Since I've been here, he has been strict, but not only that, he is just stright up mean for no reason. The few times he is calm, we try not to do anything to trigger him.

We are learning about biology. And I can tell you biology is certainly not my favorite subject. It's boring. Why do I need to learn it if I am not going to study it?

After a certain time of school, you should be able to choose what you want you study. Though I admit, if we didn't know anything about math, or science, we would be pretty dumb.

I talked to Peridot earlier about the pictures of him in my phone. His excuse is that I didn't have anything in gallery. He also said that he also took pictures of Jane. I laughed. It was only one, and it was blurry.

Anyway, it was raining today when I left for school. It was only a drizzle, but now it is pouring. I checked the forcast for today, and well, it isn't good new, for me. There is going to be a thunderstorms about an hour after school. So I also have to tell Peridot not to come over. I don't take lightning or thunder very well, I don't want anyone to see me like that. Especially if that someone is Peridot.

It's only five minutes minutes until the bell rings. And I am only staring at the round clock, as everyone talks and some work. I always get nervous the last few minutes because some people start to put their things away.

Every second I try to fix my eyes on the work while Peridot talks, but they always escape to the clock somehow. I am anxious. More than usual. Not only because it is the last five minutes of class with Mr. Lacassio, but because of the dreadful sensation of what is to come in about an hour. I remember again I haven't told Peridot he can't come today, so I find it a good way to get my mind off of the thunderstorm coming.

"Peridot." I say trying hard not to let my voice tremble.

"Yeah?" he asks me stopping what he is saying.

"You can't come to my house today." I say, low so no one can hear. I feel my voice far away, as if though it doesn't belong to me, or if I hadn't said anything. I always get nervous before there is lightning or a thunderstorms.

"Why?" he asks surprised.

"You just can't come to-today." I state trying my best not to let the nerves take over me, though failing.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm fine!" I say. He's so stubborn! This is Peridot, he doesn't really care! No one cares except Jane!

"I don't believe you." he says. He doesn't care, I repeat myself.

"I'm fine. Just don't come over." I say. He doesn't look convinced.

"You wont be able to get in anyways." I whisper to myself. Not in through the balcony, I add to myself. He is about to say something else, but the bell rings and I grab my binder and backpack and head outside.

I don't wait for him or for anyone else. I just walk to my locker. I walk quickly, though only to avoid Peridot or any of our friends to catch up and talk to me. If I could walk fast to avoid the thunderstorm approaching, I would. But unfortunately I can't. I grab all the books and sheets I need to do my homework and stick them into random folders, and I even stick a paper into a notebook. I stick all the books in my backpack not bothering to organize them. It will take too long, I think to myself. I need every second I can get to prepare for the storm. I always prepare, but I end up panicking and freaking out. And though Jane is there, she isn't always much help.

I lock my locker and start walking to homeroom. Homeroom is brief, but I get more anxious with every second the storm approaches. After homeroom, I head to the exit to leave. I walk down the stairs and I turn my phone on. The rain poura on me, but I don't mind. It os a brief distraction. A few seconds later, suddenly my phone begins to vibrate in my hands. I start to panic and I almost drop my phone. My dad is calling me, I answer.

"Hey honey." he says.

"Hey dad." I answer trying to keep myself steady. I pull the phone slightly away from my ear because I feel the sound a little too loud.

"How are you doing? Are you okay?" he asks me.

"I'm okay dad." I reply assuring him though not me.

"Are you sure, I can ask for the rest of day off if you want?" he asks me.

"I'm fine. I'll be okay. I can handle it." I tell him. But I know I can't.

"Call me if you need anything." he says. I say goodbye and hang up.

I put my phone in my pocket and keep walking. I rush home and open the door. I go inside, but before I can lock it I remember something. I open the door and I look at the flower vase next to the door. I scoot down and pick it up revealing a key. I pick the key up and put the vase down. If he comes, he won't get in through the balcony. And if he found the key last time, I doubt he will find it again.

Jane greets me. She follows me upstairs and we go into my room. I leave my backpack on the floor right next to my bed. On my phone I put an alarm for an hour, then I leave it on my bed. Jane already knows what to do. She leaves my room, I am right behind her. As she goes downstairs I open the trapdoor on the ceiling that leads to the attic. As soon as the ladder reaches the floor I start climbing.

The attic is dark. Though I'm not sure if there are any spiderwebs. Hopefully not. I told my dad to check the house if there were any spiders before I went inside. I didn't step inside the house until my dad had checked every millimeter for any spiders, and even then I was still weary and alert. I made him check the basement and the attic even though I barely go there. But I guess now I do. In a box I keep all the material I use during a thunderstorm. I stand up and pull a string. It lights a single hanging lightbulb.

I walk wearily between boxes, books, and garbage bags. I stop in front of one box. This box is under at least an inch of dust. I haven't touched it since seven years ago. I wanted to get rid of this, but my mom said not to be ungrateful. So she always tells my dad to put it in the moving truck though he agrees with me.

After what I happened to me, I didn't have it in me to open these gifts.

They were wrapped in colorful paper. Each one is a different size and a different shape. I remember being so excited to open them, especially when they came from people who loved me and knew me so well. Or I thought loved me, and I thought knew me well. Apparently neither was enough. I only opened one. It turned out to be a diary. Four diaries, all from my grandparents. They gave their gift to me a day after my birthday because she wasn't able to make it on time. I used every diary, every page, and every line. The most tragic days are pages long. Though quite a few are almost the same, just said differently because my routine is very monotonous.

I labeled all of them from what day I started to the day I finished and of what year. When I finished the fourth one, I asked my grandma for another one. I didn't want to buy one different from all the others, so she bought me all the ones she could find...and afford. She got me twenty diaries. She told me it cost her like forty dollars. I love them. My grandma taught me how to bake and cook.

I walk past the box and go to the corner. There is another box. Slightly smaller than all the others. Mostly because there isn't much material made for people with fear of lightning and thunderstorms. Mostly because I just buy things and give them a fantasy use to make me feel better. I scoot down and pick the box up. It isn't heavy. I wish it was, it would make me forget about my pounding heart agianst the thin cardboard.

I walk back to the trapdoor glued to the floor and set the box down. Then I climb down and once I am at eye level with the attic floor, I grab the box with one hand and the ladder with the other and carefully descend. Once I am on the floor again I close the trapdoor. Then I head back to my room where Jane waits for me. I check my alarm and there are fifty three minutes left.

I'm making good time.

I go downstairs and grab a chair. I would have used the chair from my desk, but it moves and has wheels, so that wouldn't be the best idea.

I take the chair and put it under the curtains. I step up on the chair and start to take the curtains off. I let the blue curtains drop on the floor and I throw the curtain poles on my bed, though one rolls off onto the floor. I scream and my heart beats rapidly at the metal clank against the polished wood floors. Jane barks and stands on two feet against the chair. I put my hands over my mouth. I look down at her, my eyes wide and alert. I slowly remove my hands. My fingers quiver with fear as the tips brush against my lips.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, my voice drained from fear.

I slowly get off the chair and continue with caution. I open the box. From inside I take out thick black curtains with silver edges. It blocks out most of the light. I will still see the light from the edges, but most of it will be blocked out.

Then I take a tape from that was on top my bed. Jane brought it. I take it and find the edge with my finger nail. Once I find it I stick the edge on the bottom of the balcony door. The noise won't be completly shut out, but it won't be as loud at least. That is what I tell myself. I then cut the tape off with my teeth. I do the same with the side and the top, and also the edges of the windows.

After I do that, I give the tape to Jane and she leaves the room. I then take one of the curtain poles and one of the thick black curtains. I get on the chair and slip the pole through the curtain's silver colored rings. I do the same to the other one and then I place them on top. I get off the chair and I admire my work.

When I was younger, I was too small to reach. And I didn't know what to do. I'm not really sure how I even developed such a severe fear of lightning and thunderstorms.

About thirty minutes later, I am finished. I then spend another ten minutes seeing what I could add. Then Jane comes in with a small unopened bag of salty crackers. She also brought a water bottle in a few minutes ago. Jane always takes care of me. I don't know what I would do without her. I would probably be freaking out. She helped me cope with it when I was younger.

Just then my alarm goes off. I flinch and step back. I step on my blue curtain and slip. I fall back and I hit my head.

Jane hurries to my and starts licking me. She tugs my sleeve for me to get up. I sit up and hold the back of my head in pain as it throbs. Jane burried her head under my jaw and cuddles against me. I give her a small smile. I get up and turn my alarm off. I pull the curtains away and it has gotten dark. My heart pounds against my rib cage. I press a small button which locks the balcony door, but I get very paranoid, so I also lock it with a key. Then I close the curtains.

I become very nervous, and paranoid. I sit on the edge of my bed, waiting. Jane sits right next to me, leaning her weight on me. A small gesture to make me feel better. I appreciate it. I put my arm around her and rub her grey fur.

A small gesture with big significance.

My phone rings and vibrates. I flinch, but I calm down when I realize it's my phone. I take a deep breath to calm myself down. Jane sniffs my face. Her moist nose makes me give a small laugh.

I reach out to get my phone. Just as I pick it up, I hear thunder. My eyes grow wide, my skin goes pale, and my heart beats so fast I start sweating. I scream and my body starts shaking uncontrolably. I feel cold, like all the blood has been drained from my veins and replaced with icy water.

I get up from my bed, Jane also jumps off and lifts her head looking at me. I take steps back and my back hits the wall. Jane stands next to me. I look around, moving only my eyes. I'm in the closet. I hear more thunder, and I see the lightning from the sides of the curtain. My eyes become watery, and as if it were first nature, I grab the two doors of the wide closet and close it in one swift move. My back finds the corner and I fall. I throw my hood over my head and hug my knees to my chest, I start to sob.

Jane lays in front of me on my feet. I cry. I don't know how I developed this fear. I just know I can't control it. I always succumb, it gets worse if I don't. It gets worse if I try to fight it. I'll end up traumitized. I'll be petrified, frozen. I know the chances of me getting hit by lightning are small to nothing, especially if I always stay indoors. But I'm always scared. I'm like a child afraid of the dark. Afraid to be left alone. But who also doesn't want to admit it because I don't want to be looked down upon.

I shake violently. My lips quivering with the remains of tears. I bury my head into my knees thinking that maybe I could drown the noise out. Muffle my fear. Make it stop screaming and clawing and preying on me! I dig my nails into my jeans, and bite the inside of my cheek.

Make it stop! Make it stop! Please! I scream in my brain.

I can feel my heart beating so rapidly. I can feel it against my rib cage, threatning to just pop out and stop pulsing. I only hold on to the thought that this will be over soon. That the storm will blow over and leave. Disappear as if it was never here in the first place. But I know eventually another one will come, and I will find myself in the same place I find myself now. Huddled against a corner like a pile of cold trembling limbs. This is all going to happen again, but I'm only focusing on this right now. That's how I live, storm by storm

Storm by storm.

I was eleven when I first experienced this. I was in my room, my parents were at work. My dad called to check on me. Of course I was nervous, but I didn't know it was because I was afraid of lighting or thunderstorms. Jane was only one year old, but she noticed the nervousness in me more than I did.

I was in my room. I was listening to music hoping it would calm me down from whatever was making me nervous. Jane was a little smaller. Then when the first lightning bolt struck and thunder roared, I screamed. Jane got up quickly came and tried to cheer me. But I was on the verge of losing my voice. The neigbors called my dad, and also unfortunately, my mom.

Jane whines while I am trying to keep breathing. Fear is something I am used to experiencing, but that doesn't mean it gets better. On the contrary. It gets worse because every time I feel like I lose more of myself, and I get more tired. Every time, another piece of myself dies. And I feel I won't survive much more of the same. Every time, less of me wants to fight back. If my suroundings don't kill me, I definately will. That's probably the thought that got me into the whole therapy mess. It's not something I am proud of, or like to talk about.

I hear footsteps. I start to panic. Did someone break in? How did anyone get in? What if it's my dad? Jane lifts her head, but she doesn't make gesture or anything else. Then the person is in front of the closet.

I hug my knees closer to my chest. I don't want anyone to see me like this. It usually makes everyone get the wrong idea. The most common one, is that I've gone mad. And they'll go running to tell everyone.

The person opens the closet door. I recognize them almost immediately, but I don't say anything. I'm to scared to how he'll react.

Peridot drops to his knees.

"Are you okay?" he asks me. I don't respond. Obviously I'm not if I am huddled against a corner of a closet sweating, crying and screaming! But I don't respond. I don't say anything or move. But when more thunder comes crashing like a wave of sharpened knives, I do my best not to scream in fornt of him. Instead I slip my hands under my hood and my fingers curl around my hair, makeing physical pain overide the mental one.

He almost immediately puts his hand around my waist and his other arm around my chest and his hand holds my shoulder. My body presses against his chest.

My eyes go wide from both fear and shock. But I am more scared to think of anything else. As if it were an instinct, my hands latch onto his arm, my hood falling off my head. More tears fall as I dig my nails into his leather jacket. If I hurt him, he doesn't show it.

No one has ever been this close to me. My dad hugs me sometimes, but not often. I'm not used to being this close to somebody, especially someone I don't know well. But I do know one thing:

I would have never expected Peridot to react like this.

I honestly didn't know what to expect. Peridot is Peridot. Some guy who hangs out with me and that I don't know well. But it feels like I've known him longer. I don't know why. But now that we're here, he doesn't seem like a stranger. Peridot seems like a person I know, but at the same time I don't.

Am I crazy? Maybe I'm having side effects. Maybe the storm is affecting me somehow. This could be because no one has ever been through lightning storm with me. Well, not through the whole thing. Like I said before, they usually leave thinking I'm some sort of a freak.

"It's okay." he says in a soothing voice, "Is this why you asked me not to come?"

I don't find any words, so I just nod slowly. His hand leaves my waist and he starts rubbing my back. As more thunder and lightning come in pairs, I throw my arm around his and clutch his shoulder as if my life depended on it.

Peridot doesn't speak, and neither do I. We stay there for a long time. Jane lies down next to my legs. Though she's calm, she doesn't let her guard down. I don't know how, but I feel calmer.

Some time passes, I don't know how much, but it seems like a lot. Peridot starts talking. Trying to make me feel better.

"Tell me something." He says. This catches my attention. I still hold on to him as he speaks.

"When did this start?" he asks. He isn't specific, but I know what he means. I don't know if I should respond, but I don't find a reason not to. But if I tell him something intimate about myself, he has to tell me something too.

"If I answer, you have to answer a question too." I find my voice for the first time since maybe an hour or more ago. He hesitates.

"Deal." he finally answers. I take a deep breath to calm myself down. If I am not calm, I might break down in tears.

"Six years ago. No one's really ever been there. And who ever has, hasn't stuck around for more than two minutes." I answer, slight defeat in my voice.

"I'm here. So is your dog." I can tell he's trying to find something to give me hope, but I'm hopeless.

"What about your parents?" he asks. I already know the answer and I don't hesitate to answer.

"My mother doesn't care. And I don't want to burden my dad, though he would be here if I asked him." I say.

"I'm sure your mom loves you. I'm sure everyone loves their kid, even though they aren't there." he says. With the tone of voice he uses, it sounds like he has experience. So I ask another question instead of the one I was planning on asking.

"What about your parents?" I ask. He hesitates to answer. He hesitates a lot. There is a brief moment of silence.

"I...I don't like to talk about that." he asnwer, the last part rushed.

"You said you would answer my question." I respond which makes him sigh in defeat.

"My mom and my dad started having problems when I was twelve." he says. He takes a moment, maybe to see how I will respond. I don't say anything, he continues.

"Then my dad left. He promise he would come back. Some time after that, we moved in with mom's new husband." He says, and suddenly I feel the tension. I wouldn't find it easy to talk about a topic like that either. Though it also puts me in an uncomftorable position because I don't know what to say. Do I pity him? Do I say I'm sorry for something I'm not responsible for? Though he isn't exactly responsible either.

"Did he come back?" is the only thing I can find in my mind to ask. He takes a minute, and I give him his time. It's not easy to be so open. I know. You eventually get used to the feeling of fear and numbness when you have all the experience I have.

"I waited like a foolish idiot for my dad to call or come back, he never did. One day eventually, I gave up." he asnwers. He sounds as though he is rebuking himself.

"What happened next?" I ask.

"Next I realized what feelings are and how cold the world actually is. I decided that I would never let anyone make me the idiot ever again." he says. I can't believe it.

"We have something in commom. Except I keep being the idiot." I say.

"What do you mean?" Peridot asks me.

Only when he speaks again do I realize what I've said. I've let my guard down. I decide to go the easiest way out.

"That we both learned life was hard at a young age, I mean." I say. He doesn't need to know anymore. Before he can say anything else I get up and look to the thick curtains.

"I think the storm's over." I say nervously. The storm may be over, but I am still jumpy. Jane and Peridot also get up. I clutch my stomach as a sudden pain hits me. I know this pain. I've had it frequent time over the last seven years. Though I've grown used to it. But it increases when I tire myself out.

"Are you hungry?" Peridot asks me. It's a simple question, but one I am not entirely prepared for.

"I guess so." I say unsure, heading to the bathroom.

"I'll cook, what do you want?" he tells me. Peridot, cooking? The lightning storm is still affecting me, but I don't reject his offer.

"There's ramen noodle packets in the cabinets." I say. I go into the bathroom as I turn the lights on, and sigh. I hear Peridot leave my room, closing the door behind him.

My body feels cold again. I barely noticed how warm I felt when Peridot put his arms around me. Now that his arms aren't around me anymore, the cold has returned, embracing me. I turn the faucet on and splash the water on my face, as I shake my head, shaking away the thought.

It's just the storm taking it's toll on me. It's what it always does. This shouldn't be any different. But it is. Because he is here. Because Peridot is here, and he is being more gentle and kinder, and that is making him get into my head. He's, he's just playing mind tricks on me. That's what's happening and not my heart racing. Because that's the lightning too. I know it is. It has to be, I need it to be. I refuse to believe it is anything else.

But does he actually care?

My instinct is to not believe it, to think he is only interested. But it is hard to believe that now, when my mind is saying there is something else to him. His father left him. He was abandoned, which means maybe once he was a gentle and sensible kid. I was right. Something did happen to him.

But I need to know. Does he actually, sincerely, care about me? If he does, what does that mean?

I serach my mind for a piece of evidence where I could prove he might actually care about me, but I mind too many. I scavange for evidence that he doesn't care, and that he only wants something like sex, but I find close to none.

He didn't run off like others have when they hear me scream because of a lightning storm. He helps me out a lot. He just offered to make me dinner, though I don't eat much. Most boys would have given up, he hasn't. Peridot is also defying my mother. That is the biggest act of defiance anyone has ever done. I mostly just don't tell my mom, or my mom doesn't care, but my mom specifically told him to stay away from me.

I wipe my eyes and my cheeks from the dry tears and I rub my neck. I use my sleeve to wipe the cold water from my face. I comb my hair with my fingers. My fingers apart from cold, feel soft and smooth. Peridot's hands are warm, hard but gentle at the same time. I shake my head again. It's the aftermath of the lighting storm, I think to myself.

I leave the bathroom and my room. I walk downstairs cautiously and slowly, especially on the stairs. I go into the kitchen and see Peridot boiling the water, Jane watching him. I smile at the scene and I go uo behind him.

"Can I help you with anything?" I ask. I'm asking if he needs help, but what I really want is something to distract myself from me.

"No, just sit down and relax." he says.

I sit down, my hands folded on the table. Waiting, thinking, always alert. I watch him as the water starts to boil.

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Some time later we go back to my room and we do what we do every other day. Homework, talk, and things like that. Things we usually do. Though I am still very jumpy. I fidget a lot with my fingers, sleeve, pencil, and with the hem of my sweatshirt. And I know it's not only that the storm just passed that's bothering me. It's because tomorrow there will be another storm. So out of the blue, I just bring the topic up.

"Tomorrow," I start. He looks up at me from the papers on my bed.

"There will be another storm." I finish. He doesn't say anything at first. For some reason it makes me nervous. It makes me scared. I bite my lip.

Does he feel like I'm a burden? I don't want anyone to feel that. That is exactly why I became independant. That's why I don't let my dad come over, because I don't want them to carry the same burden I do. Especially if I am the one putting it on his shoulders.

But also because of my pride.

I am not weak. Also one of the reasons I don't tell people. I don't want people to loose their image of me, even if it is a tainted one. I want to keep that one bit of dignity I have left. I always want to prove wrong the people who have deemed me weak from my past. Even if they weren't there. Even if I was so scared, I would have that small satisfaction. A tiny victory, all for myself.

Before he can say anything, like an excuse or anything, I interupt.

"You don't have to come. I'll be fine." I say. He doesn't have to come. He didn't have to stay, but he did.

"No, you won't be fine. I'm still coming." he says. I look up to look at him.

"Why?" I ask. Why would someone like him waste his time with someone like me?

"Because, I'll feel guilty if I just leave you here, the way you were earlier." Peridot says. I suddenly feel bad. He's only coming tomorrow, becaus he feels...bad for me? Is that all he feels, pity? He must pick up on what I'm thinking.

"I didn't mean it that way. I just," he sighs.

"It's not me to leave someone who is in trouble... unless they deserve it." Peridot adds. This leaves me speechless for a few seconds. Then I pick up my homework and try to supress a smile. But I don't manage to supress my blush. I bite the inside of my cheek.

"You want to smile." Peridot says with a smirk on his face. That smirk I use to hate.

"No." I defend myself, but I feel my blush increase. He chuckles and Jane sits up on my bed.

"Come on. Smile." he says. He put his hand on my wrist and pulls me, our papers falling off the bed. I try to keep my ground, but Peridot being a male is stronger than me. My back is against his chest and he puts him arm around me and his hand holds my shoulder. Peridot's fingers are then on my neck, and I try not to laugh. After what feels like a minute, he rubs my head hard making my hair go out of place. But I smile. I feel a little better. Peridot lets go of me and I sit up.

Then I hear a door open.

My heart races and my breaths come quicker. I look at the time on my phone. It's impossible, I think to myself. They would be an hour early. I look at Peridot and I stand up. He and Jane do too.

"Lapis I'm home!" I panic.

"It's my dad!" And before I know it I'm opening the thick black curtains and shoving Peridot out to the balcony.

"See you tomorrow." he says.

"Bye." I close the curtains and the door and go back to my bed. I organize my papers, thankfully it's only my homework, Peridot didn't bring his. I didn't think he would. Jane also relaxes. I hadn't realized she was tense.

That was close. But I can't help but wonder why my dad is early? Is my mother here too? Is she was here, I'd be so screwed if she'd catched Peridot here. And that is what makes me nervous. Not only Peridot just being here a second ago, or the lightning and thunder storm, but the fact that my mother gets mad at me for one, then she'll kill me with the other one. My mother thinks me being afraid of lightning and thunder is nonsence and it's just all in my head. And sometimes I've actually believed her. Sometimes I've blamed her, or hated myself for being what she calls 'childish'. You would have to be fool to envy my life.

My bedroom door opens.

"Hey Lapis," my dad says.

"Dad. You're umm, early." I say trying not to sound nervous. Though that's impossible. Thankfully I can blame the storm.

"I thought I could spend some time with you. We could watch a movie before your mother gets here." My dar says hopeful. I'm not done with my homework, but I don't want to seem inconsiderate.

"Okay." I say giving him a small though genuine smile.

"Be down in five minutes. I'll make the popcorn. And your mother isn't here yet." he says as he leaves.

I wonder if my dad would be the same person in another life, one where I fit in?

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hey! I got two chapters out today! Yaaaay!****Anyways, how are all of you? Did you like these two chapters? Thank you for all of your wonderful comments. They are very appreciated. So keep commenting!****So have a good day/night you all know the drill!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Bonding**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

As soon has Jane and I leave my bedroom we are hit with the delicious smell of popcorn being made with extra butter. Who doesn't like extra butter? I know my mother wouldn't approve of it, but that is what makes it so exciting. Because she is not here, and my dad is not like her.

What my mother lacks, is what my dad has. He loves me. And though he doesn't always show it, the small gestures he does I always enjoy the most because I rarely get any. My dad stands up for anyone he is close to and who is close to him, but for some reason he can't stand up for himself. And that is the weakness my mother uses agains't him. It infuriates me. It infuriates me when people prey on the weak, because it's happened to me. But I believe the weak are always the strongest since they have been through so much they have experience. But the strong are used to preying on who they think are the weak ones, so when they no longer affect you, they fall hard.

I know it's selfish to wish someone pain and suffering, but I wish all of those people who think they are superior in some way, I wish one day they go through the same thing us broken ones go through. One day of names, shoving, pulling, self-hate, humiliations, and torture we go through. And I wish I could see what it feels to be like them. Not superior, just, normal. Like if I were back in my old shoes. Ones I grew out of too quickly. Ones that were tight and beautiful, but that I prefer than these comftorable ugly ones. Then maybe they would at least leave us alone.

"Pick a movie." my dad says from the kitchen.

I don't respond, I just sit down on the couch. Jane sits next to me. I take the remote and just go through a ton of movies on Netflix. I barely use Netflix, I prefer to have the DVD, but Netflix sometimes comes in handy. Sometimes.

"Dad! There's nothing good here!" I say.

"I bought one. Though I'm not sure what it's about." he says. I can hear the popcorn poping in the microwave. I flinch for a split second and Jane looks up at me, before I calm down.

"It's in a black bag on the table. I think It's called Ocotber Sky." Dad says as the microwave stops.

I reach the bag and take the movie out. It looks boring. But most beautiful movies look boring, don't they? I've never heard of it, maybe I'll like it, or maybe not. My dad comes with two bowls of popcorn and I take my shoes off. He puts the DVD in the DVD player and sits down next to Jane who is between us. I hold my bowl as I give Jane popcorn with my hand. I may love Jane, but that does not mean I'll let her eat from my bowl.

We start watching the movie. At the beginning it is boring, like everyother movie, but then it gets interesting. When a group of friends that are boys team up with an outcast or nerd as he is reffered. They start to make a rocket of some sorts. One of all the boys is more determined than the others, I think he is the protagonist. And based on what their wearing and family expectations, I'll guess their probably in the mid 1900s. I think they say the date, I don't really pay attention at first.

My dad and I joke about what's going on sometimes. I enjoy moments like these. Where my dad and I bond, and it's just us and Jane. I wonder who I would be if I really was all alone? If my dad was just like my mom. If I didn't have Jane.

Who would I be? Where would I be? Would I be better? Worse? Or six feet below ground? I always ask myself that question. Where would I be? Maybe in another life I'm the girl I wish I was. Pretty, smart, and willing to stand up for myself. But I'm not in another life, I'm in this one. One where I am not pretty, or smart, or willing to stand up for myself. One where I'm not willing to forgive and forget like most people who pretend nothing ever happened. I'm not that girl. I'm this girl.

If I was another girl, I would be naive. I would be so gullible I'd fall for any guy who talked to me. I'd undertsand my mom, like my privacy. I would like to have sleepovees and parties. I would like my parents to stay out of my stuff. But I'm not that girl. I don't fall for any guy. I don't like to party every weekend and get drunk, or sleepovers. And I would honestly wish my mom would at least go to parents teacher conference. I don't understand my mom, but I like my privacy. It helps me see and reflect on the last seven years. But honestly, I wish I was naive. I would be dumb, but I would have all the qualities I lack.

I am startled when I hear the loud sound of the rocket in the movie.

"It's okay." My dad says, as both him and Jane turn to look at him.

I don't know my dad's real name, or my mom's. I get why my mom wouldn't tell me hers, but my dad doesn't tell me his. I don't need to know, but it would be nice. But he looks like a Julian. Julian sounds like a wise name. My dad is wise, sometimes.

"Yeah." I say. The movie comes to the major point when the teenage boys will sign up for the worldwide science fair, and all of them are having doubts. The protagonist's father looks down on him. I can relate.

I understand that maybe my mother doesn't see me the same way after what happened, but I feel like there is more to it. No mother just detaches like that from their child, especially when they most need them. That's not what a parent does. That's not what I would have done. I just wish she could talk to me without any excuses. Just talk to me like a normal person. I wish she could just be honest.

I wonder what she is doing right now. She's probably still at work. I wonder if she knows my dad is with here. Letting me eat popcorn, and with Jane on the couch.

We sit in silence watching the movie until another part comes. Where the protagonist leaves his dream of building the rocket and instead goes to work in the mines because his father got injured and they don't have money. I find it terible how society looked at children back then. Boys had to give up their dreams to carry on their father's legacy. And girls could only look pretty and have as many children possible. I'm glad I wasn't born during that time. But I was also sadly born in a time where a girl is looked at for how good her body looks. If I am too smart I am a nerd. If I am too open I am a slut.

So tell me, how is the girl of the twenty-first century supposed to be like?

Because apparently nothing matter unless you're pretty or have good status. Tell me so I can be that girl. The girl that pretends to fit in. The girl that pretends to be in the twenty-first century. I want to be that girl, I am just not content with myself if I become the same person as everybody else. And I'm fine with that. But that does not mean I am happy being the way I am. It only means I'm not okay with being myself or anyone else. But I eventually get used to the feeling.

There is a phrase from some person that says 'the worst kind of loneliness, is not being comfortable with yourself'. And I think that one applies to me. But when someone else isn't comftorable with themselves, I always try to help. But unfortunately I can't help myself. Sometimes I find just helping others with their problems, helps me not think about mine. Though maybe not thinking of them is also a problem. I don't know! My life is a problem for all I know! I am a problem. But I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. A whole lot of people also feel like me. Some of them probably have a similar story as me, maybe someone out there has the same story as me. I hope there is. I'm not wishing them my pain, I only hope I am not truly alone. I only hope that if there is someone with a similar story or background as me, I hope I get to meet them some day. I hope one day to hear or meet someone like me who was resilient and thrived in life.

The movie continues and the protagonist is now alone at the world wide science fair because only one person of the group would be able to go. One person to represent the team. If he fails, he lets everybody down. If he fails, there is no one else to blame, and all the fingers are pointed at him.

The pressure of knowing that you are being watched and judged for your every move you make, only makes matters worse. Everyone counts on you. Some give you their unconditional support, everyone else just waits until you make a tiny mistake. And that is where we all make the huge mistake. When someone notices a mistake, they are either making it known for two reasons only: they want to see you fall, or two, they want to see you thrive. And they want you to take that mistake and build upon it. They want you to improvise. Those who want to see you fail, want the complete opposite.

And that is where EVERYONE makes their fatal mistake.

"How was school today?" I look at my dad.

"Good." I reply.

A few more minutes of silence pass. The silence feels like an ocean that I am drowning in. The silence fills my ears and it makes it hard to do much without feeling trapped, not being able to move much without feeling weird.

"And how was today?" he asks. That question I wish he wouldn't have asked.

"It was fine." I say.

"Are you sure? You put everything up again. And-I can stay tomorrow. Your mother doesn't need t-" before he can finish I interupt.

"I'm fine dad. Really. Jane is here, and that's-it's really fine." I say. I was about to say Jane was all I needed, but then where would my dad be.

My dad maybe isn't the best dad in the world, but his tiny gestures are my world. My tiny little corner of the world is made up of tiny things. Jane, my life, and my dad's gestures to make me feel included. I couldn't have asked for a better father. But I could ask for a better me for my father. A better daughter and not some waste of space. Because if we are realistic for one second, that's exactly what I am. The only thing keeping my dad from being a happy man. If it weren't for me, both my parents would be divorced and the world would be a better place. They wouldn't have even gotten married in the first place.

"Are you sure? I can tell my boss I'm sick. That's what I told him so I could come early." he insists. I know my dad. He is willing to do anything for me. That's what he did when he married my mom. Give his life up for me. But I know he isn't happy. He says he is, but I can see behind. I can read between the lines. It's easier when you have your own experience.

"I'm sure dad. I know your busy." I say. And only when the words come out I know I have made a mistake.

"I'm never too busy for my own daughter." my dad says, his face is perplexed. My dad always feels the need to be there for everyone, even if no one is there for him. And he is always there for me, I'm just never sure how ti be there for him. He is my dad, and as much as experience as I have had with hidden emotions and things like that, parents are hard to crack. Even if you already know everything about them. It only gets harder really.

I always think or write about something in my diary, and I always end up contradicting myself. I have all of my diaries from the last seven years in a box in the attic, but I never read them. I just have them, I don't know why, I just do. I've never read an entry after I write it. After a day passes I forget everything I wrote; and, after I finish the last page it goes into the box and is forgotten. Just like everything inside, just like the boring ordinary days described inside. I only remember the important dates. That's why everything is written down, so I don't have to remember anything. So I don't have to relive it.

"When's your next doctor appointment?" he asks randomly.

"In two months." I say. Why does he need to know?

"I'm going with you." he says. My eyes widen and I struggle to find words.

"You don't need to go." I manage to say.

"You're right. But I want to, and I will." he says. Though I'm shocked, and I shouldn't be because he always does this. I find a smile.

"I'm happy to see you're still the same on that note." he says smiling. We both laugh amd Jane rolls over on her back.

I've told him that it is not necessary for him to always be there, but he always ignores me. And deep down, I am glad he does. And I look forward to that day in two months.

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**Hey! I have uploaded this early, can any of you guess why? I'll just tell you. The 28th makes a full year since I have been writting this story. Well, it's been morw than a year since I've been working on this idea, but a year since I have decided to share this with all of you wonderful people. And this past year you have all been an amazing audience, and I wanted to thank you for all of your support.****Thank you all so much!****Have a good day/night, till next time.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Astraphobia**

**(Part Two)**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

Today I am still nervous and jumpy. Im am in the last period for today and that is Social Studies. S.S. is actually really easy. This subject I excell in because it is only remembering dates, names, and event. It is that simple that it makes an easy distraction.

I don't have this class with Peridot, but I have it with Amethyst who is right next to me. And if she sees how jumpy I am, she doesn't bother to ask why. To my relief. Instead she asks me:

"Hey Lapis, can I copy you?" I look at her. The work worksheet on her desk has many eraser marks on it.

"Yeah." I say. She looks at my paper and writes the same thing on hers, but in other words. Amethyst may be reckless, but she is not stupid. Or maybe she is, I'm not exactly sure.

"Your good at SS." Amethyst says.

"Thanks. Your good at," I try to think of a think she's good at. Copying, is definetly something she exells on, but that would be rude considering she is the second person I met and she is nice, regardless if she copies off of me. Apart from copying, I can think of only one more thing.

"Music." I say.

"Thanks. Though I think they exaggerate in the movies when the drummer's head goes crazy while still playing. I can move my head to the beat, but just go crazy whithout looking at what I'm doing is hard for me." Amethyst says. I give a small smile.

"I'm sure you'll get it one day." I say.

"And I'm sure you can sing, though I've never heard you sing." Amethyst says. And I know what she's talking about. The Musical. Why does everyone talk only about that? It only makes me more nervous.

I know how to sing. I wouldn't say I'm the best, because I'd be lying, but I'm not bad. I've just never sung for anybody. Even before I was ten, it wasn't my major point. Of course I know the notes, and that is what gets me. What if I don't sing it properlly and I make a complete fool of myself? I wasn't going to face embarrasment until I had too. And I've had too.

"Thanks." I say.

"Your welcome." she says smiling. She continues to copy and I finish. I finish early, so the sad part is that social studies is too easy, that I finish too early. Now I am faced with my thought of the approaching storm.

I think of yesterday. I think of how Peridot was there. Of how he reacted. I wish I could revert that. Though it was a nice gesture, it confuses me.

Some time passes and it's almost the end of the period, and the teacher is going over the answers to the worksheet with us. I let my mind wander becuase I know all the amswers. I know this, this is only review for me.

The bell rings and everyone gets up.

"Remember the homwork is due tomorrow." Mrs. Bartz says. I grab my papers and rush out. I go to my locker and like yesterday, I shove everything inside and grab the papers I need. I shove all of them into a notebook and into my backpack. I close my locker and I start walking. It is raining.

"You forget an umbrella." I flinch and turn around.

"Its just me." Peridot says. I take a deep breath. He hold an umbrella, and open it as we start walking. I walk close to him, our shoulders brushing against eachother because the umbrella is small. I'm sure that was his intention, but I don't find the strength to argus when I feel so weak and vulnerable.

I am a natural disaster waiting to explode, just like the approaching storm.

We walk to my house, he speaks sometimes. And I for the most part, stay silent. I wonder what's going through Peridot's mind. I wish I could know, the perplexing puzzle that he is would become less complicated if I knew what was going on inside of him. If I knew how he felt, and why he does the things he does.

"How did you develop astraphobia?" he asks me. I look at him confused.

"Astra-what?" I ask.

"Astraphobia. The fear of lightning and thunder." Peridot explains. I never knew what it was called, I didn't want to have to think of it more than I had to.

"Oh, umm, I don't know." I respond looking down. I have a suspision, but not a conclusion. If I had a penny for every time I asked myself a question of every shitty thing that has happened to me, or why the world is the way it is, I'd have and do everything I can't. I'd own the Milky Way, I'd have money to stop poverty and world hunger, and for every single cancer patient to be treated and cured.

"Is there anything you think might have triggered it?" he asks as if he had been reading my mind. My mind goes back to what happened to me seven years ago, my parents detaching, and many other factors that mighg have played a part, but of course I'm not going to tell him that.

"No." I say. Like I said, I have suspisions, not a conclusion. When you have a life as messed up as mine, it's hard to keep track of what causes what.

Though I look at the wet floor in front of me, I can see him glancing at me. My hand is at my side, and then suddenly I feel it tighten. I look down to see Peridot's hand around mine. Before he can get a good grip, I pull my hand away and cross my arms. He confuses me a lot.

I remember what he said yesterday. That his father left him, and never came back. He also said that he would never let anyone make him the idiot. Is that the reason he is the way he is? Has he told anyone else? I'm sure he has, or Luke as. But he seemed nervous yesterday too, so maybe he hasn't. So that's probably why he has issues with his father.

I get Peridot out of my mind and instead I try to find something else to think if. But for some reason it always comes back to him. For once I thank this town for being so small. We get to my house in a few minutes.

I open the door and we go inside. Jane greets us both. Though hesitating when going to Peridot. When Peridot crouched to touch her, she growls and he quickly gets stands back on again.

"I missed you too." he says sarcastically and I smile. My sister and my stalker. Who would have imagined it, someone follows me, but the other girls from my past barely have an admirer? Such sweet irony. But I don't stalk them. I just check, once in a while. Social Media has it's uses. But I don't stalk them, that's just a whole different level. Sure, a few have boyfriends, but the never last long.

He leaves his umbrella right next to the door. I tell him to put it somwehre else, so when we go up stairs, he goes into the bathroom and leaves it in the bathtub. I look at him with arms crossed as he leaves the bathroom, and he grins.

"What? J'aime les douche." he says.

"I have no idea what that means." I say smiling. He puts a hand on my head, my bangs cover my eyes.

"That's the point Lazuli." Peridot replies as he heads to my room.

"Don't call me by my last name." I say for the millionth time since I've known him. Though this time I don't say it like I used to, I say it playfully while smiling. As if it were a joke, though he knows it's not. I'm not a teenager of many jokes.

"You like it." he replies entering my room, leaving the door wide open. I follow, Jane already inside watching Peridot's evwey move. It's funny. They look like children, siblings, fighting to be mommy's favorite. And I guess that makes me mom.

Thankfully I am not in a rush to go there.

I am like any other girl(almost), no matter how much I've changed the last seven years. Though I know it's practically impossible for me, I wish I could fall in love and have children. Obviously I'm not in a rush, if not I would have made out with any guy that was in front of me already, but it would be nice. To have kids, I mean. Not the part where I have to make out with someone, to be honest, that sounds kind of uncomfortable.

You're taking your clothes off, someone else is taking their clothes off. You are having relationships in bed or wherever with that someone. They are kissing you, who knows where! Where ever you think is normal, but none of this seems normal. I know it's a part of life, but thank the heavens there are other ways to get pregnant or to have children. Adopting!

I don't know the rates or the information, but what if I get pregant, and my baby is born with the same thing I am cursed to live with? Their suffering will be my fault. They say a mother's love is the biggest kind of love that can exist. Everyone has different theories about why. Some say it is because the mother is the one who concieves and bears the child. Others because the child is a part of the mother. I don't know which one out of the thousands of theories are true, but, what if the child suffers? Does a mother love their child more than becauss they need support? I wish I could have the answers. Because my mother doesn't love me, and I have been suffering for the last seven years, and I still am. I almost died, and she acts like nothing happened. I was in the hospital, for what felt like weeks. I got a surgery done, and she couldn't take a day off from work. But I don't bother on asking her because I know I will never get an answer, unless I am absolutly ready to know from her words that she doesn't care. And honsetly, I'm not. Who would be?

I drop my backpack next to my bed and Peridot does the same. He drops and lays on my bed while Jane stands next to him growling, but I know she won't hurt him. She won't go that far. Jane is smarter than that, and of course she's smarter than Peridot.

"So what are we gonna do?" he asks.

"What do you think?" I ask him with my arms crossed.

"I don't know." he replies shrugging.

"Why don't you just tell me?" he says sitting up.

"If I'm honest, I don't know what I'm doing." I admit sitting down next to him. And though I've barely said anything, I feel as though I've revealed something personal.

"This thing you do, it's only to make you feel better, right?" he asks. I hesitate, but still I nod. Then my phone rings in my pocket and I jump, and try to calm my nerves. I take my phone.

"It's my dad! Be quiet." I say, before he can say anything else I answer.

"Hey dad." I say a little nervous.

"Are you okay? You seem nervous." he says.

"No, dad I'm fine. You know why I'm nervous. Right?" I ask unsure. He chuckles.

"Of course. You sure you don't want me to be there?" he asks me.

"I'm sure. I'm fine all alone." I say.

"I cou-" I don't hear the rest of it because I look at Peridot's face.

"Bye dad." and I hang up. I sigh in relief. Peridot looks at me, I feel my blood as dense and cold as ice.

"How many times have you been throught this, alone?" he asks me.

"I haven't been alone. I have Jane." I respond looking at her. He puts his hand on my arm, and I don't slap it away, instead I feel something inside my chest. A feeling I don't recognize, and makes me feel like I want to puke.

"You know what I mean." he says.

"I don't keep track, maybe about ten. I don't know." I say not really wanting to say more on the topic.

"Have you always been alone?" he asks, his hand still on my arm.

"I told you I'm no-" I start but he interupts me.

"Stop being sturbborn and answer." Peridot says. I sigh.

"For the most part, yes. But two times, there were other people." I say.

"You aren't my first option, but from my second time, I wish everyone would have been like you." I say. That makes him slightly blush.

He seems different. Not the annoying guy who comes everyday, but a different kind guy who comforts me when I'm upset. I wonder what I'll do today. Will it be the same?

For a split second I think, he isn't that bad. It's only a thought, nothing more.

"Your not so bad yourself Lazuli." he says putting his hand on my head and knocking me down onto my bed. Jane stand on him with her front feet on his chest. She knocks him down as I sit up. As Peridot just lays there, Jane sits on his chest and I laugh. Jane barks and wags her tail in excitement.

"Your mutt is very funny." he responds sarcastically but teasingly. I smile as I pat the spot next to me, Jane comes and sits on my lap instead.

"Your not much of a dog person." I say teasingly.

"Because that's not a dog. Probably the devil reincarnated." he says sitting up.

"If Jane were the devil, you'd be in hell right now, burning, just for looking at me. She only doesn't hurt you because she's smart." I say.

"In that case I'd burn gladly knowing the last thing I saw was a pretty girl." he says with his usual grin.

"No, please don't start. We both know I'm not pretty." I say.

"You're right, you're not pretty. You're beautiful." Peridot says. My blush increases and whole face goes hot.

"No I'm not." I say. He reaches out for my hand, but Jane growls and he backs away.

"You know your problem? You don't like to be told things directly." he says.

"And your problem is you are too direct." I say.

"Its better be honest." he says. This is my chance to ask him.

"Then be honest. Why do you care?" I ask hoping he might answer the question I wanted him to answer yesterday. He looks at me. His look is as though he's trying to read my mind. I don't want Peridot to just say what I want to hear, I want him to say why he really does all of this. He hesitates a lot, but he finally speaks.

"I ca-" but before he finishes, what I forgot about strikes.

I let out a scream instead of holding it back. I stand up, and before I know it my back is against a wall and I am in a small space in the dark. I know exactly where I am, I am in my closet again.

How could I have forgotten so easily? I was so focused in talking with Peridot I almost forgot everything else. Except how to breathe, and blink of course. I didn't forget everything. I hug my legs to my chest and bury my head in them. Sweat forms on my forehead and tears trickle down my face as I scream and sob in a perfect harmony with each pair of lightning and thunder that strikes. Each lightning strike is followed by thunder just as my scream is followed by a sob.

Why, is all I can think. Why do I let this happen to me? What is it really that I'm afraid of? Why am I so scared that all my other senses shut down so easily? I know lightning can't hurt me, just like a spider can't. But my bad luck is always there as a reminder, that even though something is not likely to happen, does not mean it is impossible.

Many things are not likely to happen, but they do happen. To me. I have HIV and my parents don't. How did I get it? Because I was raped, and on my tenth birthday no less! I wish I could forget that night. I wish I could forget the feeling. The terrible feeling not only the obvious feeling, but also the feeling of being totally hopless. I screamed and cried and begged and no one helped, no one heard, no one had the least bit of empathy for a little girl who was supposed to be celebrating her double digits. So while most girls remember their double digits as a great day where they suddenly got older and life seemed to be getting better, I remember it as the day my life was disgraced and scarred.

So I don't celebrate it, wouldn't everyone else have done the same?

After that I went mute from the shock and I couldn't speak for a few months. It's not like I wanted to say anything anyways. I didn't have much to say when everyone treated me like a totally different person. I was still the same but everyone treated me like if I were someone else. They didn't say things they used to say and said other things they had never said instead. They acted strange. They changed. So I changed, I had a million reasons too. Why should I be the same girl when everyone treats me like some stranger.

Jane was only a newborn when I turned ten. I found her and I was so happy. My dad convinced my mom to let me keep her. He took me to the vet earlier and we came home later. Jane doesn't know how I was or how I looked before. Maybe that is why it was so easy for her. She never saw my change. She knows me just as I am now, and that is how she loves me.

I love how dogs don't care. They don't care what your religion, race, gender, or status is. All they do is love you. They don't judge. I wish everyone was like a dog. Dogs forgive and forget. They simply don't know how to hold a grudge. Dogs are the total opposite of what human are. If the difference between an animal and a human is that we can feel and have consciousness over what we do, and animals don't, I absolutely prefer them over real people without hesitation.

I don't know how much time passes but it feels like it lasts forever. For all I know second could be passing, but my heart beats too fast it makes everything else seem to go slow.

Someone, Peridot probably, tries to open the closet door, but fails. Did I lock it? I hear footsteps fade. I hear the door open, but never close. I can hear Jane's small amd weightless feet move in my room, but I don't know where or what she is doing. I see more lightning and hear more thunder. I resist the urge to scream again and move my legs closer to me making them hurt. I hear Peridot's footsteps come back into the room. He stands in front of the closet and his shadow falls upon me. I would unlock the door, but I feel too scared, petrified, to move. My hair sticks to my forehead and neck making me feel sticky and humid. I hear something click and metal hit against eachother. I don't breathe for a breif few seconds. The closet creaks open.

Before I know it Peridot's hands are around me and I grab onto his arm like yesterday. My hand grabs his shoulder, and my other hand on his chest, taking a hand full of his shirt into my fist. But he doesn't flinch. He holds me tightly with so much firmness and security I almost don't want to move. And then, I forget everything again.

"It's okay." he says his fingers between my hair. But I can't help but cry, maybe because I know everything is not okay. And I refuse to try and make it better. I am so used to this, and I'm so scared to try. But I am also scared of this, of this being the next few years of life. Of my life ending like this. I am so scared to the point where I don't know the difference between what I think I need and what I need.

With a weak and cracking voice I ask.

"Was it locked?" It is not the most relevant question, but I just want something to distract me.

"Yeah. You are quick when you are scared." he replies teasingly trying to lighten the mood. I don't say anything else, but he speaks anyway. I thank him in silence.

"I picked the lock. I was gonna get a knife from the kitchen, but then I rememberd I have a pocket knife." This catches my attention.

"Why?" I dare ask with my trembling voice.

"Its not really that important." he replies.

"Please?" I say again.

"Maybe another day." he says concluding the talk on the subject. Jane whines and sits next to me, laying down at my legs. I take my hand to pull her closer to me. I groom her hair with my fingers and she rolls on her back. I smile and rub her chest.

"How did you get that dog?" Peridot asks. I don't mind his language, he doesn't know any other one. But I wonder how much, if I should even tell him. Would he see her differently? Or me?

"I found her." I start.

"She was only a newborn when I found her. No one had reported a missing pup or anything, and obviously she didn't have a chip. So my dad convinced my mom to let me keep her." I explain. The story is not as dramatic and emotional and heart warming as in the movies like Max, A Dog's purpose, the Stray, or Hachiko: A Dog's Tale(though that one was true), but it would make a good story.

Jane was always there. Not only because it was hard times when she was with me, but because if she hadn't been there I don't know where I would be. Jane stopped me from hurting myself, she stopped me from ending up six feet under ground. She gave me a reason to keep on going. My only real and solid reason to stay alive. She knows things that only my diary and pillow know. She always cheers me up, and helps me do my things.

And she is very much like a human.

She doesn't like to go to the vet which could practicaly go into the whole medical/dental field. She has to take a shower every month. I take one every day, sometimes skipping a day, or two. But that's everyone once in their life. I've forgotten to give her a shower and she doesn't remind me. Mostly because she doesn't quite enjoy them. Jane always hides when I tell her that I'm going to give her a shower, so sometimes I don't tell her. She's like a child sometimes. She's prideful and childish. She is jealous sometimes too. Like with Peridot. Except of course she knows Peridor and my relationship is barely in the friend zone.

Or is it?

He already knows so much about me. He doesn't leave or tell me that I'm a freak or that I'm crazy. He's just here, he trusts me. And I feel like I can trust him. He has never given me any reason, apart from the obvious, to doubt him. He trusts me to tell me about his father, he called himself a fool. How many people are willing to admit that? Not many are like that. Not many are honest and true. Now a days people with those qualities are endangered just like the camels. They can become extinct, and no one will notice except those who need them.

I honestly believe I misjudged him. I did what people always do to me and I didn't even realize it. We all think our excuses and judgements are exceptional for some reason. Like me, I thought Peridot to just be some cliche player. He doesn't really seem like one. Though he is always firlting around with other girls, but he never sticks to any of them like he does with me. Does he see me as something else? And if he does, what does that mean? Better yet, why would he?

I'm not the kind of girl someone like him could fall in love with.

If that even exists.

I am practically an outcast and he's the popular guy everyone wants to be with. I wouldn't blame him or any one else to not find me like their type. But Peridot doesn't mind. He likes that about me. That I'm different. That I'm not the same. He's like Jane in some way, they don't know I'm different. They don't see it. And they are still here.

I can see the light from the lightning bolt along with the thunder as a mark that it was there. My hand leaves Jane and I find myself clutching Peridot even harder.

"I care because I can relate." his words catch me off guard. I open my eyes but don't look at him. Relate?

"Believe it or not, you and me are more similar that you realize." Peridot explains. My mind doesn't think of anything or come up with a question. Instead I find myself processing what he just told me for a brief minute until I can finally come to one question.

"How?" I ask weakly.

Him and I come from complete different worlds. He is this badass guy who everyone one wants to be with. I'm a nobody who not even my mother gives the time of day too. How could we be similar? I could write a whole book on everything that makes us opposites.

Trust does not make to people the same. It only unites them.

"One day I'll tell you everything. And I'll answer every question, but what's going on right now is important." he responds. He doesn't make any gesture to get me away, but his last words stay in my mind.

Where before have I heard those words?

That's right.

"Lapis, open the door!" Marcy says. She despertaly tries to open the door. I'm curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor with the lights off.

"Leave her alone! She'll hurt you!" Carrie says. I can't see what's happening but I can hear someone stumble and Jane bark.

"No she won't!" Marcy's voice defending me. I almost feel sorry. She is outside defending me, and I am in here feeling sorry for myself and everone who's life I'm in.

"Leave!" I think that's Marcy. I hear a scoff, then my bedroom door open.

"In the future you are gonna wish you came with me." Lydia's voice.

"What's going on right now is more important."

I think that's what happened. I have a terrible memory. But I wonder what would have happened if Marcy would have left? The same thing I wonder if Peridot would leave right now.

I don't want to find out.

"Don't leave!" I say clrealy when I feel his hands loosen around me. I can tell Peridot is surprised by my sudden words. I wonder what he's thinking? He takes a few seconds, but I don't blame him if he doesn't answer. I wouldn't know what to say either.

"I wasn't planning to." I am taken back. But just those four words are enough to replace the icy coldness in my blood with warmth and security. And I start to question everything I thought I knew as I hold on to this stranger boy who for some unknown reason cares about me. The questions is why? How could he care for me if I don't really care for him?

Well, I guess I do care, a little. He is nice to me. A little too nice sometimes, but he cares. Maybe this is what I needed, affection. Human affection, not only the affection Jane gives me. But human affection feels nice, it feels warm. I can't remember the last time I felt like this.

My head lays in the space between his shoulder and neck. His hand pressed against my back makes me forget everything. I can feel his steady heart beating in his chest, against his, mine could be running a marathon.

I grow tired as time passes and I close my eyes when I hear someone speak.

"I love you."

But I am already too far away. I might as well have dreamt it. It's never been so easy to fall asleep.

I don't know how much time passes but after what feels like only a few minutes I feel myself shift.

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Someone shakes my arm gently. I stir but I don't want to wake up. I feel Jane's fur against my jaw and my hand cradling her.

"Lapis." the voice is smooth and gentle, Peridot. I say his name, maybe that will make him go away. But he keeps shaking me, I get up feeling terrible, ready to yell at him. But when I look at the person's face and the sleepiness is all out of my system I stop in my tracks.

"Dad!" I whisper to myself as if I could die by saying it any louder. Probably because I can. Jane next to me whines.

"Honey, you said someone's name. I think it was..." he pauses to remember and I rebuke myself for thinking it was him, I hope he doesn't remember.

"Peridot." he says. Think Lapis, THINK!

So I say the first thing that comes to my mind.

"Snot.." improvise, I yell at myself!

"I said my-snot. Yeah. My nose is kind of stuffy so, can you hand me a tissue or toilet paper please." I say in an innocent tone. Lying is easy, the backup story is where you gotta improvise and that is where the whole my dog ate my homework thing comes around. Because sometimes we lie, but then we can't come up with a background to support it.

I usually find it so easy to lie, so why is it so hard now? Is it because if Peridot?

My dad looks at me suspiciously and then gets up and goes to the bathroom. I sigh quietly in relief. He gives me a tissue box and then heads for the door. He ooens it but before he leaves, he turns around to look at me.

"Next time trust me." is the only thing he says before he heads out. I become perplexed. What does he mean?

Regardless I ignore it and I take off my sweater then throw it to the egde of my bed. I lay back down and turn to my right where my lampstand is. I take my phone and notice one new message. I open it and of course it's from prince charming.

"I left when your father arrived. You fell alseep so I layed you down. I was planning to hide in the closet or under your bed but I didn't want to get you in trouble. Anyways, I don't even know if you're gonna read this. Sweet dreams Lazuli."

His words make me smile and I blush.

What's happening to me?

But no matter how hard I try I can't stop. I keep reading the same messgae over and over again. Without him knowing it, he answered one question without words.

Peridot cares about me. He is not the intrested type. Peridot genuinly cares about me.

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hey! Chapter 21 done on the 21st. Thank you all for being so patient. I've been so busy but not busy enough to stop writing and doing the things I love.****My grandma came from Mexico and she leaves in less than two weeks, family drama, got fish like three days ago and they had babies today, and I've been so stressed out about school but nothing I can't handle.****Anyways I wish you all an amazing Thanksgiving, and if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving then just eat. A bag of potatoe chips is a great enough feast. Am I right or am I right?****Anyways have a good night/day you all know the drill.**


	22. Chapter 22

**History Sings to You**

**(Part Two)**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

My alarm clock goes off and I groan as I move my hand randomly not wanting to wake up. Once I turn the alarm off, Jane starts to wake me up. I groan as I get up. I had set my alarm for twenty minutes earlier so I can take a shower. Twenty minutes because I knew I would get my bed sheets glued to me.

I get up after five minutes of Jane shaking me and go straight to the bathroom. After about twelve minutes I get my clothes and change. I try to dry my hair the best I can but in the end it is humid. When it is as dry as it can get, I realize it's been like ten minutes. This is why I don't like showering in the morning, especially on a school day, because then I can't get it to dry completly. It's so annoying.

When my hair is in it's usual style I go downstairs to take my pill and give Jane her breakfast. After I wash my teeth get my sweater on, and I'm on my way out.

Then I realise, I didn't do my homework!

There's nothing I can do about it now. I keep walking, This time I take my time and I arrive with a minute before eight. I go to my locker, I have some trouble but I am able to open it after a few tries, next I put everything away, then I slowly make my way to homeroom. My usual seat in the back is empty and so is the seat next to it. Peridot isn't here yet, like usual. I go to the back and wait staring at the clock. The teacher doesn't let us do homework in homeroom, and even if she did I wouldn't be able to finish it with less than ten minutes left in homeroom.

After a few more minutes of staring and being nervous, Peridot arrives. Of course he does what he always does, shoots a bunch of girls a grin. For some reason I get a weird feeling in my chest this time, one I've never felt before. That is when I remember I didn't take my pill last night! I know I shouldn't skip a dose, but can you blame me. I always take it day and night, I don't think a night without taking it will hurt. Besides, I already took it this morning.

I don't even know what my pills do. They keep me alive and my immune system healthy and stable but is that really all they do? There are many different pills my doctors have told me about for HIV. And although there are many I can only remember the name of the one I use, Juluca, another one called Stribild, and one called BIKTARVY.

I don't know why there are so many, my first doctor probably told me when she was discussing which pills I should take with my parents, but I can be very forgetful at times. I do remember her saying something that it depends on the person taking the pill. I think she said though they serve the same purpose, they are helpful under different conditions.' That doctor always used phrases and was also a bit soft, I never liked her.

I look at the girls who look at him. I see everything I am not. They are pretty, outgoing, and, well, the total opposite of me. I don't know why it bothers me now or why it bothers me this much, but it makes me feel... small. I am like am like a David, and them a bunch of Goliaths, I am no match for them. Peridot comes and sits next to me.

"Hey Lazuli." he says.

"Hi." I respond. He looks at my hair.

"Why is your hair wet?" he asks. I sigh.

"Is it that noticable?" I ask. He smirks.

"Barely, I just like seeing you with your different moods." Peridot answers with a sly smile.

"I'm glad you enjoy my suffering." I say sarcastically though I smile.

"Now why would you such a lovely girl suffer?" he asks with that usual smile.

"Because I didn't do my homework. And don't call me that." I say.

"Oh how you love to suffer. Did you check?" he asks grinning.

"No I just realised when I was coming to school. And it's not funny." I say. But of course Peridot doesn't care and he keeps grinning.

"You might be surprised if you checked." he says.

"Why?" I ask him.

"Because when you went to sleep last night, I wasn't going to do nothing for the next three hours. So I did your homework." Peridot says smiling with pride. My eyes widen and it sounds to good to be true. A miracle!

"Really?" I ask.

"Yeah." he says.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I almost yell as I throw my arms around him and hug him. I open my eyes, the classroom isn't silent, but most people look at us. At me. I slowly reatract sitting down in my chair and I smile nervously. I look away blushing.

Why did I do that?

When I'm sure almost everyone looks away from us and is back into their conversations, I look back at him.

"Sorry." I say.

"It's fine. I'll do your homework every day if that's the reward I'll get." he says with a sly smile. I blush and I won't be surprised if I look like a red pepper right now. I've been blushing often. Well, since yesterday.

"I'm okay with doing it by myself. But thanks." I say.

"You can thank me by passing today's audition." Peridot says. His shoulders are relax and he leans his elbows on the desk.

"What?" I ask suddenly confused. Wait, today is-

"It's firday. The auditions for the musical are today." he replies.

Fuck!

"You okay?" he asks.

"Yes. I'm fine." I say smiling.

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My first five classes pass and now I have lunch. I have to ask how this audition thing works. As I head into the cafeteria I go directly to our table but I walk slowly. I am not eager for them to ask me about this. No one else is talking about the musical, at least not now. Or maybe they didn't get signed up without permission.

When I get to the table everyone including Luke is there. I haven't seen Luke in school. I just sit and like always, prince Charming isn't here yet.

"Hi Lap-Lapis!" Luke says. He gets up and hugs me. It's very unexpected but I hug him back. He is smaller than I am, his hands are around my waits and his head on my chest. Then he sits down and I sit next to him.

"Lapis! Aren't you excited?" Steven exclaims and I think I can see stars in his eyes. For the short time I've know him I think he always has star shaped pupils.

"For?" I ask.

"Auditions!" Luke cuts in.

"Maybe." I respond.

"We we have to... stay after school. And its-its going to be seper..ated." Luke says.

"You aren't stuttering much." I point out.

"Thanks. I-I've been practising." Luke says with pride in his voice and face. I smile. How has he managed that? I'm sure the Diamond twins will find a way for everything if they haven't already. They might be the first people on Mars, by accident of course. I won't give them all the credit. They'll probably find a way to sneak into the rocket with no one on board and go straight to Mars.

"Lapis! We stay after schoold today! We get to hang out! Isn't that fun?" Steven asks. After school!? Peridot never said anything about that!

"I-I guess." I say unsure. Peridot is in big trouble! Forget the huge thanks I gave him earlier! I hugged him! I can't believe I actually hugged him. That was actually a little out of my comfort zone, I'm never doing that again. Even if I am thankful with him again, which I highly doubt, I wouldn't react like earlier.

A few minuts pass and they go to get their lunch. I am left alone. That is until prince Charming decides to show up. He sits next to me.

"What's up Lazuli?" he says.

"You never told me we had to stay after school!" Is the very first thing I say but in a whisper.

"Well you didn't think they were going to let us cut class, did you?" he asks me. Logic. Of course they wouldn't let us cut class, so what did I expect? I guess I thought the day was so far away, and I also forgot.

"No, but a little warning would have been nice. You should have told me." I say. I am tempted to think he can't think of anything to say, but this is Peridot. He always has some pick up line under his sleeve.

"You never asked." he say. Of course it just had to be cliche. I have heard that one so many times in movies. I am rendered speechless but I am saved when Luke comes to my rescue with his tray in this hands.

"I tho-thought you were a gentle me-men, gentle men are supposed to be ni-ni-nice. Especially to pretty maidens they have their eye on, right right Peridot?" Luke says. Though I am very thankful he wants to help, but his comment makes me blush.

"I thought you were supposed to be my wing man?" Peridot says grinning.

"I am. And I am win-winging it by helping you." Luke says with a wink. I smile as my blush starts to fade.

"Okay kid, who's side are you on?" Peridot asks in a playful tone grinning. I use to hate that grin. Use to.

"Wouldn't you-you like to kn-know?" Luke says and I can see the effort in trying to control his stutter. It must be very hard, yet he still finds a way to live with it. I admire him for that. I wish I had a little bit of that. I'm pretty sure everyone does. I can't be the only one.

"I can guess." Peridot says and Luke sits down as everyone else also sits down around us.

Everyone starts talking abiut how excited they are and who thwy hope they get, while I am only wondering when this will all be over.

Next to me Luke and Amethyst are arguing. Probably about who is going to get the role they both want. I wonder who's directing the play? Who will be at auditions, and who will be deciding if we get in and who we are? I really hope this guy or girl is in a bad mood today. Or for them to be at least very picky, I have no acting skills. Lying is not the same as acting, I'm sure. Right?

"What time do auditions end?" I ask Peridot.

"Around 4:30 or 5:00. The people on the sign up list are divided into two people, we go today because we signed to first. And half the people go tomorrow." he explains. That is more information than I need and I am sure I will never need it.

"You mean you signed up?" I ask him grinning raising an eyebrow.

"What surprised me is that you didn't cross yourself off the auditions list." he says smiling. My eyes widen and I like at him. Just wait until I get my hands on him. But then he laughs.

"Don't worry, it's not that simple. You'd have to explain why your name was on there and why you can't. And trust me, it is not as simple as it sounds." Peridot says. Peridot makes my mood change very easily. He can be very understanding at sometimes, but others he just gets annoying. And that makes me frustrated. Especially if he is so calm. It makes me nervous.

"Have you guys auditioned before?" I ask everyone. Everyone nods and agrees with one another.

"Have you guys ever gotten in?" I ask. Again every single one of them nods and agrees.

"We've all been in the school musical each year since we got here, and together." Amethyst says.

"The musicals have been Hairspray, Fiddler on the roof, and Mary Poppins, and now Hamilton!" Steven adds.

"Aren't you a freshmen?" I ask.

"Yeah, but I am friends with everybody. And friends help ftiends." Steven says smiling, proud of himself. I smile at his enthusiasm. How are they all so cheerful? And united? My life might have been different if they were my friends back then. I'm pretty sure my life would have been a whole lot different. I'm sure they wouldn't have treated me differently. Of course they probably would have been woth me more and asked me how I've been doing more often, but from what I've gotten so far, I think they wouldd be the pitcure perfect friends that only exist in the movies. And I'm glad I know on who those friends from the movies were based off of.

"How did thout guys meet?" I ask. They turn silent and freeze, they then look at me. Even Steven and Luke who are always so cheerful turn dead serious.

"We met in a complicted way."

Complicated? I'm about to ask again when Peridot elbows me.

"I'll tell you later." he whispers. So I don't push it.

"Sooo, did you guys bring snacks for the musical? Ya know, so we don't starve to death." Amethyst says trying to lighten the mood. Everyone smiles and laughs.

"What? I won't leave this world on an empty stomach." she says. They laugh harder. I wonder what could have been so bad when theu met that even Steven and Luke get uncomftorable. I guess I'll have to wait for it, just like everything else.

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Last period comes quick and I sneak glances at the clock while Mr. Lacassio talks. I try to be discreet, and I try to look at him or at my worksheet trying to make it seems as though I am thinking about these chemical equations. Peridot is next to me and we are working in it toegther, and I just can't wait to go home.

"Okay, let's go over it." I look up and so does everyone else. He calls on a few students to answer the problems, most of which raise their hands. Peridot raises his hand for every problem, I just noticed he has always completed his worksheets.

"How about you miss Lazuli?" I look up. I didn't complete the worksheet, precisely only the last question which, I now have to answer. I look at it.

C2H6 O2 - CO2 H2O

I have no idea what this is. I get nervous and my face grows red. Out if the corner of my eye I can see Pearl smirking with her sister Yellow. How I would like to wipe that smirk off her face.

Peridot elbows me. I look at the desk and he sled me hours paper. I hesitate.

"Umm, C six H twelve O six plus six O 2 enzymes six CO 2 plus six H two O plus ATP." I say unsure.

"That is correct Miss Lazuli. Can you tell us what this equation represents?" he asks. What the hell does that mean? All I see are capital letters and a bunch of even numbers. Thanksfully Peridot has me covered.

"Uh, respiration." I say.

"Well done. Next question," and they continue. I exhale in relief. I absolutley hate science. It is interesting, but why would you put numbers and letters together? Numbers are already a nightmare. This is just math. And it makes people like me, who are stupid, suffer.

After science ends I go to my locker and Peridot appears not long after.

"Are you ready?" he asks.

"For what?" I ask.

"Auditions." he reminds me. I hit myself with my palm on my forehead in my mind.

"Oh, yeah. Of course." I say.

"You can leave your things in your locker, we'll come back for them after auditions when we leave." he explains. I put my things inside again.

"I need to go to the bathroom." I say.

"Yeah sure. Got to get your nerves out someway, right?" he says. I blush and turn to go.

"We'll be in front of the auditorium." I hear him say as I race to the bathroom.

I open the door and race to the last stall because it is the only decent one. I throw the door open and go inside. I don't really need to use the bathroom, I just want to get away from him. Sure he isn't as abd as before, but he does something and I don't know what. And he always has a crooked smile on, that kind of smile when a guy flirts with a girl. Then he flirts with me all the time, it frustrates me so bad for some reason, yet at the same time it's flattering. But I'm sure every other girl he has flirted with has felt the same way. I've seen the way those girls look at him, and the way he sometimes looks at them. That frustrates me even more. I take a deep breath and calm myself. Then I open the stall door to leave.

"Oh, look, Lapis Lazuli is here audition." Pearl says as she stands at the mirror. I roll my eyes and continue. As I pass behind her she turns around and grabs my arm. She pulls me and I try to pull back, but her nails dig into the sleeve of my sweater.

"You don't just ignore me like that you little whore!" she says. Her words take me back but I recover quickly.

"Why don't you just leave me alone?" I ask spiting my words.

"Are all whores as naive, or is that only you?" she asks sarcastically. Then she looks at me with that smirk I wish I could wipe off her face with a punch.

"Oh, I think that's only you." she says smiling. Luckily, that is something that is achievable. I take her wrist twist her hand. I push her body against the stall door and her hand is against her back.

"Are all obsessed girls bitches, or is that just you?" I ask. She scoffs. I smile to myself, then I get back into buisness.

"Oh wait, I know, that's just you." I say I then let her go, and leave Pearl rubbing her wrist. That satisfied me, and that will calm her down for a little while. I feel proud of myself, I contained myself. I could have beat the shit out of her, but I didn't. I'm proud.

I leave the bathroom and go striaght to the auditorium where Peridot told me he and everyone else would be. There is a very long line. It takes me a minutes to find them. I see the Diamond twins. Peridot and Luke are the most noticable people on the line. Peridot is tall, and so is Luke. They both have blonde hair and green eyes, between pale and fair skin. They both also have leather jackets. Peridot has a green t-shirt and Luke a blue one. Their last name is Diamond, so why not? Besides it fits them better than Wonder twins.

I walk up to them, I notice some girls and boys singing, some speaking. I really don't know how auditions work, but I really hope whatever we have to do, we don't have to do it in front of other people. Peridot is talking to two girls, and I know it shouldn't bother me, but for some reason it does. I try toignore it, but I can still hear what he says to them.

"Your voice is beautiful. If the greek gods existed Aphrodite would be jelous of your beauty and Apollo would buy a ticket just to hear the beautiful music emitting from between your luscious lips." he says to one of them. The girl he speaks to has big brown eyes and chestnut hair. Her skin is fair. She wears a yellow shirt and light blue jeans. I don't want to hear this cliche garbage. Instead I turn to Luke and everyone else. Next to Luke is another girl. They are the same height and it looks they are friends. The girl has dark green eyes and red hair that is waistlength and wavy. Her skin is also fair and she has freckles on her face. The girl has on a jean jacket with a black shirt and blue jeans. She looks very pretty. They laugh and Luke stops and smiles when he sees me.

"Lapis! Scar...look! Scarlett, Lapis! La..pis, Scarlett." he says introducing both of us. She smiles and streches her hand outwards to me. I look at it for a breif second before I realize why she did that. I take her hand and try my best to squeeze right enough.

"Pleasure to meet you Lapis." she says smiling. This girl has a hard grip, and a british accent. She seems like a pleasent girl.

"It's nice to meet you to Scarlett."

"I love your hair." she compliments. I blush and am taken back. Should I compliment her also?

"I like your..um..hair, too. Is it natural?" I aks improvising.

"Very much." she says. What a veey educated person. One of the most normal people I have encountered since I have gotten here. Well, at least educated and not flirting or consuming everything that sets foot in their path. I look at Peridot from the corner of my eye and then back at Scarlett. Does he not see I am right here?

A little farther back in the line I see Pearl and her sister Yellow Pearl. Pearl murmers somwthing to her and from the look on her face I can tell it was something rather unplesent. I'm glad I am not there to hear what she has to say. But of course, everything is as true as the believer believes it to be. And unfortunately, we live in a world where everyone believes the simplest explination instead of the complicated one.

"Not a lot of red heads in my family, I was one of the lucky ones." she says smiling. I look at her and smile back. I look at Luke, he looks at Scareltt, I bet he has a crush on her. Its kind of adorable. I wonder if she also likes him?

"Silence please!" I turn around and a tall guy with chestnut brown hair comes out. He holds a clipboard, Blue Pearl is right behind him.

"My name is Jamie and I am the producer of this show. Each of you will be auditioning seperatly, called by the order in which you signed up. During auditions each of you will be asked to sing one verse and the chorus your chosen song. If you do not have a song, you will be asked to sing happy birthday or twinkle twinkle little star. You will also be asked ro perform a small monologue that should last not more than two minutes. If you do not already have a prepared monologue, you will be provided with one. You were asked to bring a water bottle too, so please wait your turn. First up is," he looks at his clipboard.

"Blue." he looks back at her and they enter the auditorium closing the doors. Everyone starts talking again.

"Is any one else nervous?" Scarlett asks. I nod with a few of the others.

"I don't have a song!" I say.

"Yes you do." Peridot says. Finally he sees I'm here.

"No I don't! I don't even sing!" I say.

"Yes you do." he says again. I grunt. Arguing is sadly not going to get me anywhere. I haven't sung in years. And when I do, you could hardly say that is singing. The truth is I can sing, but doing it willingly, now that is another thing.

"I don't even know what a monologue is!" I say.

"Its like a tiny script you say. Like a few sentences of you acting." Peridot explains.

"And where will I get one?" I ask crossing my arms.

"They said they will provide you with one." he says.

"We ha-have a better...idea!" Luke says. Scarlett holds out a paper to me.

"Take it. Its called Views." says Scarlett. I hesitate.

"No its your." I say.

"Don't worry. I've memorized it. Besides, its not like you have another option. Unless you really want Jamie to pick a monologue for you?" she say smiling with her brows a bit down. She giggles a little. I don't even know the guy.

Blue Pearl comes out a minutes after and she calls another name. They boy and her both go inside. Blue has the clipboard now. I guess she helps him or something. I read the monologue Scarlett handed me.

Views

Diane- What was I supposed to do, tell you what you wanted to hear so you can go off to George Town and play basketball? Well, I'm sorry David, but for some crazy reason I felt I had to tell you the truth, and that is exactly what I told you! I could have never had an abortion. If I had any doubts about it before, now that Billy's here, I know I could never go without it. And my parents would've kicked me out! I told you the facts! If you married me because you felt guilty, that is your fault, not mine! I didn't force you to have sex with me, and I certainly didn't put a gun to your head telling you to propose to me.(Pause) You know I would have liked to have gone to college. Maybe I didn't get a scholarship to some hot-shot university, but I could've gone to college, could've made friends, could've had fun. But I made my choice, and now I have to live with it. You made yours.

"I'm fucked." I say as I read it again.

"I like you Lapis. That is exactly what I said when Luke talked me into doing this." Scarlett says.

"What exactly is going on in this monologue?" I ask looking at her confused.

"So the girl is a teenage mother and her teenage husband David has just gotten home from work and he tells her that he quit his job. It is two years after the birth of their son, Billy, and so Diane realizes both her and David are not on the same page about their marriage. There is a movie that is so much like this monologue called 17 again." she tells me. I stare at her and then at the page. I laugh.

"Do you umm, have another one?" I ask. She smiles and takes another paper out.

"This one is about a girl called Emily who realises she has a serious probem." she says. It's very interesting.

Emily

Emily- Sometimes I just wish the world was full of pink bunny rabbits. There would be a beautiful lush forest, green grass, a sparkling brook, and it would always be warm. And all that would live there would be pink bunny rabbits. Hundreds of pink bunny rabbits. They would eat the grass and the leaves and there wouldn't be any wolves to hurt them. Every rabbit's Mom and Dad would love them no matter what... And all the rabbits would be in love... They would all have the perfect mate that would never ever hurt them in any way. They would all be able to trust each other and know that if something bad happened, no one would run away. I know it's a weird dream, but I've heard weirder. My boyfriend used to tell me how cool it would be if there were one way mirrors into the girls locker room. That's kind of strange... Then again, he is a guy. I had another friend who thought that rocks were alive and that if you touched them the grease on your fingers would kill them. A little weirder. Someone once told me that he had a premonition that one day we would all have flying waffles for cars... That almost takes the cake for weirdness. No, I'll tell you the weirdest thing I ever heard was when my doctor told me that I was pregnant... There is no doubt that that's the weirdest thing I've ever heard. I never knew a fifteen year old girl would... Well, I suppose I've heard about it happening. I guess I never thought it could happen to me. I wish the world were full of pink bunny rabbits.

"Whats..wrong?" Luke asks.

"My mom would kill me if she saw what I was about to do." I say.

"No, she would kill-kill him." Luke says.

About half an hour passes and I am so tired, my legs hurt.

"Hey! We should all go to the movies sometimes! Jist the four of us! It could be like a double date!" Scarlett says.

"What?" both Luke and I nearly scream. Why would Luke protest?

"Come on Luke, we'll go see a movie!" she puts her elbow on his shoulder.

"It will be romantic." she says. I can see Luke blush.

"Yeah, but it will be a night between friends. Right Lazuli?" Peridot asks. To think he was so caring last night! But all I can do is grit my teeth and force a smile.

"Right, Peridot. But it all depends on Scarlett and Luke." I say.

"Luke is fine with it, right?" she says looking at him.

"Yes." he says. Its so obvious he likes her.

"Yay!" she hugs him, and his blush increases. I see Peridot shift from the corner of my eye.

"Don't even think about it!" I say through a forced smile.

"One day Lazuli, one day." he says. Right, after what I heard him say to those girls. Those little sluts, who do they think they are? Its like he has two different faces, one he has for everyone, and another he shows me only.

"So, movie tonight?" she asks us.

"Tonight?" I ask, my voice almost a whisper.

"Yeah, we can get to know eachother better." Scarlett says. Its not like I have anything better to do.

"You better make sure I get home before eight." I tell Peridot.

"Trust me." he says.

It is around 3:30 and I am getting tired. I review the monologue. Everyone says theirs aloud. Luke'sis called Midway Down. And I really loved it. It was about attempting suicide. And I love it.

"Midway down, I changed my mind." he says. he says it with a hopeless voice.

"The bri-bridge was above me, the water below, and suddenly I saw it: Life...hadn't...been that bad." he gives a tiny and hopeless smile.

"Sure, I had a ton of debts, no...love life and a long list of aches and painsss." he puts his hand on his temple and moves his hair back.

"Jumping off a brigde had made perfect sense." He smiles with a maniac smile. Then his smile disappears abruptly.

"Until I-I-I...did it."

He keeps talking and I got so lost in his words I almost forgot everything else. When he finishes, I praise him. The way he said it was so lifelike. Peridot's is so him, but in a different way.

"Can I just... You know... Can I just tell you... Tell you something...?"he starts. His voice is of a nervous and shaky guy. He looks at me.

"I... I have a secret... I always... You know, since fourth grade... I always liked you." he says. His face blushes and he looks so vulnerable. Nothing like the Peridot I know. But of course this is only the monologue. This is not Peridot. However coincidence makes me doubt, did he say fourth grade? He keeps talking, and the more he speaks and shakes, the more I wonder. I knew someone who talked like that when they got nervous. I met them just when they were going into fourth grade. They kept a secret. And I could never respond them, literally.

"How was that?" Peridot asks in his normal voice.

"Uh, oh! Yeah, it was good. It reminded me of someone I knew." I say.

Then Scarlett goes and she says it also so lifelike. She starts out almost yelling and she gives a sarcastic smile when she says for some crazy reason. She turns to Luke and she points, as if he were her husband. During the pause, she crosses one arm, leans the elbow of her other arm to her crossed arm and puts her hand on her temple. She sighs and then when she begins to speak again she makes a look of pity. She makes hopeless voice, and she finishes she looks at Luke with a look I can't explain that would make anyone feel guilty. Even if they have no idea what she is talking about.

"Your turn!" Scarlett says turning to me.

"Oh, umm okay." I look at the paper. I take a deep breath and I can feel the nerves getting to me.

"Sometimes I just wish the world was full of pink bunny rabbits." I start. My shaky voice helps add to the acting part of this.

"There would be a beautiful lush forest, green grass, a sparkling brook, and it would always be warm. I give a tiny hopeless smile of what I know cannot happen.

"And all that would live there would be pink bunny rabbits. Hundreds of pink bunny rabbits. They would eat the grass and the leaves and there wouldn't be any wolves to hurt them." I smile, this would be an ideal world. Although I wouldn't want pink bunny rabbits, but this sounds nice.

"Every rabbit's Mom and Dad would love them no matter what..." That would be miracle, and amazing. This is only a monologue.

"And all the rabitts would be in love... They would all have the perfect mate that would never hurt them in any way." I say. I keep speaking with the same voice of hopelessness and complete and total disbelief. When I'm done they compliment me.

The doors open again and Blue and the girl Peridot was talking to come out. The girl gets into the line and Blue looks on the clipboard.

"Peridot!" she says. Peridot looks at me and I just roll my eyes.

"Good luck!" Luke and Scarlett say in perfect unity. He goes inside as he speaks to Blue. Luke turns to me.

"Then you're next-next." he says. I nervously smile.

"I don't have a song!" I say finally.

"My bro-brother says you know a song." Luke says.

"But, but, I don't sing!" I say. I'm getting desperate.

"Lapis, I'm sure you sing lovely." Scarlett assures.

"I do, I mean no! I don't sing!" I say.

"Then why would you have signed up for a musical?" Scarlett asks me.

"I didn't sign up, Peridot signed me up." I groan in frustration.

"You, have... less then two minutes." Luke says. I should have pretended to be sick! A minute passes and I grow more nervous. I start shaking. The doors open.

"Lazuli, your up." I out my hands over my stomach, and my fingers start fidgeting. I stuff the paper in my pocket and start walking.

"I don't have a song!" I whisper to him.

"Your favorite song. I built a-" Blue interupts.

"Lapis." she calls me and I start walking. The doors behind us close.

"I'm happy to see you again." she says.

"You too." I say as I look around at the big auditorium in amazement. There are so many rows and the stage is huge. There are thick blue curtains at every window. The thick curtains that keep the stage open are dark burgundy. The way down to the stage is like a slide. Each row has a letter, and each chair has a number and the letter of the row it is in.

"I know what happened in the bathroom." she says. My eyes widen.

"You do?" I ask nervously.

"Yes. Do not worry, my sister will keave you alone for a little while." she says smiling.

"But she's your sister." I say and she responsnds immediately.

"And that is the only reason I love her. I have given up all hope on Pearl a long time ago. And nothing will change that, nothing will bring my sister back." she says.

"That sucks." I say.

"It does, but I hope we can be friends. You have all my support." She starts to write something down and I smile.

"My number." she says giving me the post-it.

"If I don't asnwer, don't take it the wrong way. It just means I must be with Jamie." she says

"Why?" I ask.

"He's my boyfriend, but I'd rather not give any specific details. It would be rather inappropriate to say outloud." she says. I blush at what she means. We reach the fourth row, row D, and the guy-Jamie, is there with a lot of papers and a pen at hand.

"Just go up the stage." she whispers as she leaves me. I do as she says.

"Good afternoon Lapis Lazuli." I look up at him as I walk to the middle of the stage.

"Good afternoon." I say.

"What song will you be singing?" he asks. I try to recall what Peridot told me. I built a- I built a what?! It clicks.

"I Built a Friend by Alec Benjamin." I say. He nods and Blue gives me a thumbs up. I'm going to do the last song and verse. I start singing, imagining the music in my head.

Me-

I came home,

To find him on the table with a note

Scribbled out in pencil and he wrote,

That he just wasn't stable all alone,

All alone

Next to him,

An empty glass of water that he spilled

All over the body that I built

It fizzled and it popped and then it killed

And then it killed

And we had so much fun together

We thought we'd be friends forever

And we had so much fun together

We had so much fun

I built a friend

When I finish, I look up at them. He wears a neutral expression aa he writes something down. However Blue smiles and gives me another thumbs up

"Good, now please recite your monologue." he says. I do as I am told and I take out the paper Scarlett gave me. When I am done, I can feel by nerves full on. My legs shake, and so do my hands that are holding the paper.

"Thank you for volenteering, and for your time. Please wait in the line." I smile, did I get in? Is this even how it works?

"Thank you." I whisper as I get off the stage and start walking up the aisle. Blue catches me.

"That was great! Jamie liked it. You have an amzing voice." she says.

"I was so nervous." I admit, not wanting to talk about my voice.

"I can tell, don't worry about it." Blue says. We open the doors and she looks at her clipboard.

"Bye Lapis. Scarlett!" Blue reminds me. I smile as ai head back to where I was before.

"Wish me luck!" Scarlett says as she walk to Blue.

"How was-was it?" Luke asks.

"I was nervous. That I can tell you. Blue says I did well, but I'm not sure." I say.

"I am a hundred percent sure you did good." Peridot says.

"Me too!" Luke says. I smile.

"Thank you." I say. A brief two minutes later Scarlett comes out smiling.

"Luke!" Blue says.

"See you guy in-in a minute!" he says ashe walks off to Blue. Scarlett comes to us, but shehas this look of mischief I cannot understand.

"I need to go to the bathroom. You guys will be okay alone for a minute right?" she asks. Oh, thats why. We nod and she leaves.

So, how are you?" he asks.

"Like you would care." I say crossing my arms and looking away.

"What are you talking about?" he asks. I scoff.

"And you still have the nerve to pretend you don't know and the audacity to do it infront of me!" I say but not loud enough for any one else to hear. He knows I'm upset.

"Lazuli." he says.

"What?" I ask not looking at him.

"Are you... jealous?" he asks. I blush, my eyes widen, and I look at him.

"Why would I be jealous?" I ask. I don't even like him! He takes a step closer so there is a few mere inches between his face and mine.

"I was talking to another girl. Flirting, as you like to call it. So you tell me." he says, I feel like his eyes can look right through me. Like he can read my mind. I blush even more, and my eyes stay wide. This makes me nervous. He is so close, I can almost feel his breath on my face. Of we were any closer, we would-

I stop myself and look away. How could I think that?! And with Peridot of all people! He isn't worth the sanity I have left. He is a player, probably a fuckboy for all I know. He flirts with me, tries to kiss me, and then goes and flirts with a bunch of other girls!

I thought he cared about me. I can't believe I actually thought I was special to him. Its not like I want to be special to him.

"It doesn't matter." I say. I can tell that is not the answer he wanted. The doors open, and Luke comes back, so does Scarlett. She is very observative. I guess she wanted us to talk, but we just got into an argument. Her intentions were goodm

"We'll talk about this later, or tomorrow." he says. I look away frowning. If he can read my mind, I really thought-, nevermind.

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****On the first day of Christmas a great author gave to toi, the 22nd chapter to Deep Scars.****Hello! This is my present to you all. Merry Christmas. Hope you all have an amazing holiday.****I Built a friend is not mine, neither are the monologues. I used views to audition to my school's musical. This is the link if you guys want to check Luke and Peridot's monologues.****Hope you all have an amazing day/night depending on where you live! Bye!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Drama**

**Lapis's P.O.V.**

After audituons, Jamie gives only a few of us papers to come back to recalls. Including me. I get excited on the spot, but then I realise what that means. I am being considered to be in that musical.

Anyways, we go to our lockers to get our things. All of our lockers are seperated, so we will meet up on the stairs of the main entrance.

I take my time to organize my papers into my folders, and to put everything into my backpack. We are going to see a movie, and honsetly I am eager for the no talking part. I am going to be with Peridot, but he will finally be obligated to shut up.

I still think about our argument from earlier. I recoil at the thought of me being jealous. I am not jealous! The most Peridot and I can be is friends, and not even close friends!

Once I get everything into my backpack, I close my locker and start for the main enterance. However I only take a few steps before someone jumps on me. I regain my balance and look at Luke.

"Lapis!" he says.

"Hey Luke." I respond.

"Can I-can I ask you something?" he asks. I hesitate, because as much as Luke is very childlike, he is also Peridot's brother.

"Sure." I say.

"Are you mad at my brother?" he asks. His voice sounds so innocent, if they didn't look almost exactly the same, it would be impossible to think he and Peridot are brothers.

"What?" I ask.

"Are... you guys fi-fi-fighting?" he asks. I blush and look away.

"Umm, no." I say.

"You're lying." he says.

"Okay, we are. But its not that big a deal." I say shruging my shoulders.

"I don't like to... see you guys f-fought." he says. I give him a small smile.

"Why-how are you so, so, so... kind?" I ask trying to find my words. His smile fades away and he looks down. Luke is... frowning? I didn't think it was possible for him to do that.

"I've-I've had a sssstutter since I can rem-member. Kids use to... bully me because of it. The... only one thhere was my brother." he says looking up at me.

"I never agreeeed with his... methods, but he always understood. He defended... me. Picked fights alone with the whole group who... picked on me. He al-ways won. He... has a record at the po-police station. He's even... made friends there." Luke says as if he were remembering.

I try to imagine that. Peridot, all by himself fighting a group of younger kids. For some reason I imagine it at night, in an alley, in the rain. Its hard to imagine Peridot fighting for someone.

"Its hard to imagine him doing anything for anyone other than himself." I say.

"You'd be surprised. He would... fight for anyone he loves. He would fight for... you, even if called him the... cruelest guy in the world." Luke says. I blush and smile, then we're porbably not talking abiut the same Peridot, I tell myself.

"But why are you always so nice?" I ask.

"Someone being... always there does not-not mean they understand what one could be going through. I l-l-love... Peridot, but he doesn't know... what it is like to sssstutter." Luke says. I know what it feels like.

"So, I became the... person I needed." he says smiling. I admire Luke so much more now.

"And, it... doesn't pay to be mean to everyone. If some-someone wishes me bad... luck, I'll wish them good luck. Everyone has something to... offer." he says.

"You are wiser than you look." I say. He smiles at me.

"What do I... look like?" he asks.

"You look cute, and kind of like a child." I respond playfully.

"It is a blessing, as it is cu-curse." he says with pride. I laugh and we get to the entrance. I go to open the door, but Luke beats me to it and opens it for me.

"Milady." he says. I laugh and go through.

"Thanks." I say. We see Peridot and Scarlett on the stairs talking to eachother. They see us and Scarlett waves while Peridot only looks. It's hard to imagine him doing something for someone. But then again he has done quite a few things for me. I guess maybe it isn't so hard to imagine him doing something for someone then.

"Lets get going. Peridot and I were looking into a few movies that were quite interesting." Scarlett says putting her phone away.

We start walking. Scarlett and Luke are in front of us, speaking loudly and laughing their heads off.

He does like her, I think to myself.

While Peridot and I stay behind them. We don't speak, we don't look at each other, we basically just walk next to one other. I think about what Luke told me. Peridot must be a great brother, but that doesn't make him a great person. He's often nice(a little too nice) to me, but that doesn't make me look at him like a saint.

The guy that is next to me right now, is a stranger with one too many faces, its hard to distinguish which one is which. I know little about him, and I don't really know him. And he seems to know about me, yet he doesn't know me. It seems our relationship(non romantic) is kind of messed up, scattered all over the place. Sort of like every other relationship I've had(except for Jane and mine's relationship, of course).

I wish I knew what to say. I wish I knew why I am mad. Come to think of it, I actually don't.

"So, you wanna talk about something or would you rather pretend to have a converstaion ? " Peridot says, we finally look at each other after what feels like forever. I exhale in relief.

"I was afraid I would have to be the first one to speak." I say smiling. He smirks, again that crooked smile. Maybe I shouldn't be mad for reasons I don't know. Maybe I should try to preserve the friendships I have instead of reckelssly and unintentionally destroying them.

Its funny almost. I can almost just as easily destory all the relations I have, just as easily as what I have. HIV did 40%, people around me did 50%, and I did 10%. That's how much a say I had. Out of ten words, I was only allowed to say one. Majority rules after all.

That's what everyone says anyways.

"I had to sacrifice myself." he says putting his hand on his chest with pride. I laugh.

"My hero." I say sarcastically as I roll my eyes.

"I know, the gods should put a constellation of me up there someday." he says. I rememeber what he said to those girls. If they were real they would name him god of the players. Maybe even bigger than Zeus.

"If they were real." But of course I can't say that. We talk about auditions; for example how they will be making us dance and sing a song from the musical. I feel like for the first time in my life I have been chosen for something that has nothing to do with the secrets I keep hidden.

When we get to the movies, we walk in and look at all the options.

"There's one playing in a few minutes, and there's also one playing in half an hour." Scarlett points out.

The options are many. There is Mary Poppins Returns, Bumblebee, Aquaman, and quite a few more. I am always surprised a theatre could buy and hold so many movies. The three of them look at eachother, and I am very confused and taken back.

"Aquaman!" they all say together. Other people look and I smile nervously. They look at me for approval, but I am pretty sure they are going to pick that movie regardless if I like it or not.

"Sure." I say. We wait in line to buy the tickets. Peridot ends up buying them, though I insist that I should also help. He is not the only one watching it anyways. And he tells me that I could buy the snacks, of course if he doesn't buy them first. He paid like sixty bucks for all four tickets, he paid by debit card. I wonder how he got that money. I am pretty sure he doesn't work. I'll ask him another day, though I am pretty sure I won't get an answer.

We go inside and there are a bunch video games. The last time I went to a movie theatre it was with my dad. I was ten, and we snuck Jane in. She was a tiny little baby back then. It was possible believe it or not, but we had to leave because someone next to us was allergic. I don't remember the movie.

Peridot, Luke, and Scarlett start arguing who will buy the snacks. Eventually after a minute I get bored. I search and then go to the short line to make my order. I look back at them, I can't help but let out a tiny little laugh. They have no idea I'm right here.

I figure I should get one large popcorn bucket, two large sodas, one water, and I guess a small pack of raisenets. I don't drink soda, not because of my HIV, just becauae I don't like the taste. I am about to order when they notice where I am. I quickly turn to the guy and start speaking as they start coming over here. I put my hand in my pocket.

"A large popcorn, two large sodas, one water, and raisenets please." I say as I get out my phone and quickly take out the navy blue case off. My debit card. I try to take it out while I speak.

Peridot slams his hand on the counter and holds his card out. I flick it away causing a diversion for him as he gets his card, and I give the guy mine. The guy has a shocked face as he takes it and asks.

"Would you umm like anything else, miss?" he asks. I look at Luke and Scarlett.

"Anything else?" I ask.

"Can we get pizza? Its only like four dollars. And a slushie! We'll pay you back!" Scarlett said. Luke agreed, and so did Peridot.

"Yeah, but you don't need to pay me back." The guy puts it in the order and I put in my pin. He gives me my card back and I out it back in my phone case. This time I am the one smiling. I was faster than him for once. We get our things and then leave.

Luke and Scarlett want to play the games, but Peridot and I told them that we should just get to the room because the seats would fill out. I was actually looking forward to this, I am not a huge superhero fan, but some excitment in my life won't hurt. So I agreed with Peridot on front seats.

As we go to the rooms there is this guy who checks our bags and our tickets. And well, we all have bacpaacks. So that about takes a minute or two. After that the guy tells us to go to the fourth room where we find a not so long line. Only like about twenty people are standing or sitting in front of the room in a line. We walk to the back. Luke, Scarlett, and Peridot sit down on the floor while I stand.

"Sit down Lazuli." Peridot says.

"No thanks." I respond. The pizza was only like two dollars each box. It's small with only four slices each(they got two).

Of course, Prince Charming is very stubborn. I do not think there is one time where he hasn't been stubborn. But I also insist on standing, More people get behind us. Then after a few more minutes that go by fast, the staff lets us in.

We go to the front, but of course not in the front row. We sit in row three, near the middle. It is a big room, this room could easily be four times the volume of my house.

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In the middle of the movie I am at the edge of my seat. Really? In the middle of all this drama there is a love story? Seriously? Why does this have to be cliche? I mean most famous stories are cliche. Like Romeo and Juliet, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast. Seriously, almost every single love or romance movie has one of those cliche elements. But that is what made them famous, right? Except in my story no man is going to come and save me, I will not allow it. Its not like anyone has the power to save me, and who would? Prince Charming? Definately not.

I settle back into my seat.

I am too into the movie I almost don't realize when Peridot puts his arm around me. Luckily I catch him in the moment.

"Don't even think about it." I whisper looking at him.

"I'm not thinking, I'm doing." he says. I don't bother and just let him. Just because I know I won't win.

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"I can't believed she lived!" Scarlett yells as we exit the room.

"I can't believe they let that guy live. I would have killed him." I say eating from the popcorn bucket. I think the movie is like freaking three hours long. Wait. Shit! I forgot

Peridot sees me and I gesture to the time. He nods and then turns to Scarlett and Luke.

"I have to take her home, you two can wait if you want or simply start off and I'll catch up to you." Peridot says. Luke looks at Scarlett.

"We'll wait. I ju-just have to call-call mom." Luke says. I remember what Peridot told me, but he seems unmoved and instead looks at me.

"Lets go." he says. I give the bucket to Scarlett. As he starts walking I follow. I wonder what he is thinking. Is he fighting with himself in his brain? If yes, I am not sure I want to know what they are saying but I can imagine his vulgar words.

We walk out of the movies and start walking. It is already dark and it will be eight soon. Without realizing it, I hook my arm around his.

"Scared?" he asks.

"What?" I ask. Then I see and remove my arm.

"No." I say. I see his smirk.

"Don't worry. I'll protect you." he says. I smirk at that.

"I don't doubt that for one second." I say teasingly.

Last night seems so far away. I feel so much more comftorable around him. I guess if some stranger finds out something personal about you, but helps you out instead of hurting you, I guess it could make you feel safe around them. And when I say safe, I do not mean that kind of safe. I mean we are just friends and nothing more.

We get to my house and we go inside. Why does he come in? I don't know, he could just leave. Maybe it has only become a custom.

As annoying and stubborn as he is, I like this custom.

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**Heeeeeello! How are all of you great people? Well I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and comment if you like.**

**How did you all like Scarlett? Do you think Luke actually likes Scarlett? Do you think Scarlett likes Luke? Let me know!**

**And I recommend the movie Aquaman. One of my favorite superhero movies of all time! And though I have not watched Mary Poppins Returns, I also recommend it because the one and only Lin-Manuel Miranda is in it!**

**I'm turning 14 in less than a month yet I already feel so old, anyways hope you all have a great day/night you all know the drill! Till next time!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Let Me Know You**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

It's Saturday. And like any normal teenager with a horrible life and a dog, I want to sleep in until noon then watch some TV. But why do I lie to myself? That is not going to happen.

I get up ten minutes before Peridot gets here and I change. Jane still lays in bed, stretching her legs, still tired. If only I could be like that and stay there and sleep all day. So unless Peridot doesn't come because he is sick or he goes to the hospital or something, I doubt anything will stop him from coming if it hasn't already.

I wash my face and keep throwing water on my face to wake up. I wonder about those cosmetic commercials. How do they do that? Do the models no accidentally get water in their eyes? Or does the water not fall on the floor, so then they fall? Do they even have a first aid kit? I don't. But I have the basic in my bathroom. I've spent the last seven years mostly in the hospital either for appointments, for therapy, or because I get there almost half dead. I've seen a lot of things. I observe because I have nothing else to do, so I know how to do the basics, but of course, I am not an expert. I don't know how to bring someone back from the dead. That is somewhat out of my reach. Even though I do find the medical field interesting, it would not be my first option for a career. I prefer to deal with children.

I make my bed and clean my room from anything. I put the call back paper into a pile of papers on my desk. Last night I just folded and stuffed into my backpack. I put my strap pajama shirt and my pajama shorts into a drawer.

After that Jane gets up, and we both go downstairs. I take my pill and start making breakfast. I make scrambled eggs, Peridot will probably be hungry. He always comes without having any breakfast, I know because he almost always is hungry on the weekends.

Jane stands leaning in the counter, whining. She can't eat eggs. I'll just give her a sausage. The sausages I have in the fridge are really only for her. I barely eat. I'm underweight. That's probably why I look so pale, skinny, and weak. That's probably why I also go every three months except every six months.

Realization should hit when my doctor explains it to me, not when I figure it out on my own. But then again, I really don't pay attention often. I just focus on the basics. Besides, if anything is wrong they call my mother(which is the bad part). They know better than to trust a teenager who has been in therapy. They're smart.

I go to the sink to turn on the faucet, but before I turn in the knobs Prince Charming behind me speaks.

"Good morning my fair maiden," he says. I don't flinch at the sign of his voice for I have gotten used to it, but I do turn around to look at him.

"Good morning," I say.

"How is the most beautiful girl I have seen today?" he asks.

"I'm not pretty, and I would appreciate it if you would not call me that," I say.

"You are the only girl I have seen today so does it not make sense?" he asks. I roll my eyes while smiling.

"I'm fine I guess. And you?" I ask.

"I am well also," he says bowing. I go back to what I was doing previously. I go to the fridge.

"I'll cook," he says. This surprises me. I'm not even sure if he can cook.

"You can cook?" I ask looking back.

"Lazuli, you would be surprised at what I could do with what you have in that fridge, a frying pan, a whisk, and a rubber spatula," he says. I smile doubting. But then I have to ask.

"Whats a whisk?" I ask.

"It's that metal thing tiki use to mix when you were making those cookies," he explains.

"Oh," I say.

"You surprise me Lazuli," he says.

"Well I'm sorry mister know it all, but I do not have a masters in cooking," I reply back.

"I know," he says smirking.

"So shall I cook?" he asks for my permission. Peridot asking me for permission? That's a new one.

"Fine," I say indulge.

"But I don-" he cuts me off.

"I know." he winks. Does the wink? He winks! And I blush as I sit down. I feel awkward, so I decide to make a conversation.

"Do you umm, work, or do other things?" I ask looking at my fidgeting fingers.

"What things?" he asks not looking at me.

"You tell me. Maybe work, or something." I say.

"I work, sometimes, if that is what you are asking. My schedule is very flexible," he answers, concentrating on what he is making.

"In what do you work?" I ask.

"I rather not say," he responds.

"Why not? It's not like you're a stripper right?" I ask teasingly.

"No, but I'm afraid if I tell you, you might look at me in a less sexy angle." Peridot turns to look at me grinning.

"As if I do already." I roll my eyes jokingly while smiling.

"Lazuli, you could find me very attractive if you let yourself," he says. I laugh, and he smiles taking the credit for it.

"Right, and I'm the queen of France," I respond. France is a democracy, therefore all the more impossible for them to have a queen.

"Then our love is forbidden," he says changing his accent to fit the scene. He takes my hand and kisses it. I blush and pull back. I smile nervously.

"I queen marries for her nation and so would I, that is if anyone would learn how to tolerate me," I say, my blush doesn't go away.

"I'm pretty sure I'm the only one," he says.

"I, uh, I, um, I think we might have to eat for lunch if you don't hurry up," I say. Peridot turns around and I clean the back of my hand on my sweater. I look at Jane and mouth 'Why aren't gloomy doing anything?'

She comes to my feet and lays down. I smile at her and then look at Peridot. His back is to me, I wonder if he ever takes that jacket off. He must sweat, right? It's just the curiosity, nothing else. Definitely not because I saw his muscles at the beach party and now am curious to see them again.

Okay, maybe I am.

But you can't blame me. He probably works out or something, I wonder if he has abs. I may be a loser of a teenager, but I am still a girl, and I am still a teenager, and I still have embarrassing imaginations that make me disgusted with myself. But I still can't help but have the imagination I have.

He flirts with me, and I have gotten used to it to the point where I actually enjoy them. But still, when he touches me or makes a comment about me, he makes me flustered. And I don't like it, I mean I do, no, it's just, he has a way with girls, me including. But that still does not mean I like him. If I ever find myself having feelings for him, I will be disgusted with myself.

Besides, even if he does sincerely like me, and I like him back, he won't find much desire in me if I tell him I have HIV. I am almost one hundred percent sure he won't like to have sex with an HIV positive girl who aside from having HIV is undesirable. I am not the kind of girl someone would sincerely want. And I wouldn't blame them honestly, I'm hard to handle. But I swear, if I ever get married to the asshole of Alexander, I will gladly make his life a living hell. Unless he is secretly someone like Peridot who is flirty and dedicates time to me(not complimenting Peridot) I'll enjoy making him miserable.

"Maybe one day you will accept my offer to go out," Peridot says.

"Maybe," I respond trying to play it cool.

"You sure?" he asks.

"I'm sure," I say.

"So our double date last night didn't mean anything?" he asks grinning.

"Date? What? No! That wasn't a date!" I say crossing my arms.

"I am hurt our romantic bonding time meant nothing to you, especially the part where you hooked your arm to mine," he says. I blush. Does he remember that?

"That, uh... was an accident! A mistake," I say.

"If you insist we'll say that never happened. But you know one thing I am absolutely sure of?" Peridot asks.

"What?" I ask back.

"That you were jealous yesterday," when he looks at me with that flirty grin, I blush.

"No, I wasn't," I say. He walks to me, bows down a little to my level, puts his fingers under my chin and lifts my face up to his.

"You sure about that?" he asks. I ignore him and focus on the mere inch of distance between us. I can practically feel his even and steady breath. I grow more nervous. If we were any closer...

Fuck! Lazuli what are you thinking? What? Lapis! Not Lazuli! I blush deeply and put my hands in his shoulders to push him away.

"I'm sure," I say firmly yet not sure.

"Of course. That's was you're the whole face is red," he says. That only makes my face redder.

"Because you are making me nervous," I say as a matter of factly.

"And why would you be nervous if you have nothing to hide," he asks. He is very stubborn.

"Nothing. It doesn't mean anything!" I say.

"So you wouldn't mind if I kissed you? It doesn't mean anything after all," my eyes widen.

Kiss me? Kiss me? That is a very player of him. Kiss me? Who knows how many girls he has kissed in all of his 19 years of life. Who knows how many girls he's made out with? I don't want to be one of those girls.

"I would mind, actually," I say.

"Why? It doesn't mean anything,'" he says getting back to what he is doing.

"No, but a punch would, wouldn't it?" I say it in an as a matter of factly voice.

"It would," he says, he says it so calmly it annoys me.

Peridot ends up surprising with a big and really good breakfast. I can't remember the last time I had a third of a breakfast like that. I don't really make the effort. But nevertheless, I enjoy his breakfast, and though she doesn't show it I am sure Jane does as well.

After that and he washes the dishes(though we argue about it) we sit on the couch and turn on the TV. Peridot scrolls through Netflix until he comes across a movie that catches his attention.

"This one!" he says pointing at it with the remote.

"Hair, spray?" I ask.

"We did this one last year, I've been wanting to watch the movie," he says.

"The title sure sounds interesting," I sarcastically state.

"Trust me, it was fun. I still remember every song and every line," he says.

"Looks like it," I say. Of course, he remembers every line.

"Come on!" he says. It's not like I actually have anything else interesting to watch, so

"Why not?" I say in a bored tone.

He hurriedly puts it, probably knowing I will change my mind. He's smarter than he lets on. Jane sits between us, keeping the distance big enough for two of her. What can I say? Jane will be Jane. Dogs get jealous when other dogs enter the house.

The intro goes and we see a city, it shows a few scenes of the city only for a few seconds. Then the music starts and we are shows a newspaper revealing that this city is in fact Baltimore.

After that, the scene goes to a room and a teenage girl in bed. Her alarm rings and she gets up getting ready. However, they don't show her full out until a few seconds into it where she is using hairspray and the mirror she is in front of clears. The girl is, not to be mean, obese. I guess maybe that is the point. She starts singing. Should have guessed it if this was the musical last year.

A line catches my attention when she sings hungry for something that I can't eat'. You eventually get used to the hunger that your insides stop begging. Even your own body knows to give in. It eventually gets used to it because it doesn't want to die, it wants to keep going when all you want to do it give up. Even your own body lets you down.

She keeps singing and then she sings 'good morning Baltimore'. I doubt anyone cares about a single person saying good morning unless you were some celebrity.

The first song goes by and it takes forever! Peridot seems excited to watch it, it might be the first time I see him excited about something.

The ending of the song is kind of funny and unrealistic, and I smirk.

Next, the girl named Tracy is in a classroom in a class I am not sure of but I'm guessing is history or geography. Not much happens, but then after less than a minute, music starts again.

"What the fuck? A song just ended," I point out.

"I know, now shush, I was in this song!" he says paying very close attention.

"I doubt you were actually that good," I say crossing my arms.

"I, was a lead, for your information. The protagonist's lover," he says. No doubt he was.

"Of course," I say crossing my arms. In the movie, the bell rings. The girl and her tall friend head to her house I'm guessing.

As they pass a place with TVs, a guy comes out and introduces this so-called 'Corny Collins Show. That's probably what he is, corny. Corny says something as teens in the back dance and sing. The TV is in black and white.

"I bet you anything I still remember every single lyric and dance move," Peridot says.

"I doubt that," I say challenging him, unintentionally, however.

"You want to bet, Lazuli?" he asks raising an eyebrow. I won't let him prove me wrong.

"Sure," I say.

"Each song is a different bet if I remember each you go on a date with me that number of times," Peridot says. Something in me tells me not to, but I will not be proven wrong by a player.

"And if you don't.." I start thinking of what to bet.

"You have to bring me chocolate cheesecake for that number of weeks," I say improvising.

"Deal," he says extending his hand out to me. I take it, and he instantly pulls it to his face, kissing the back of my hand, I pull away and blush. He winks and gets up, facing the end of the living room, between the TV and me.

As I see teens on the television start dancing and singing, he also starts. I alternate between both the TV and him, and I notice slightly small different details that are almost insignificant. Though as much as I hate to, I must admit, he is good. He sings and I find myself actually impressed. However, I thought we were watching a movie, not reenacting it.

I cross my arms and smile. Jane just lays there next to me looking at Peridot as if he were crazy. Then she looks at me as if complaining about him. I simply laugh it off.

The guy Corny say roll call and all of them line up behind one another, the first one, a blonde girl. She calls out her name, Amber and then the guy behind shoves her off saying his name. Then another girl behind him as he steps aside and she says her name, and vise versa. They all have a signature pose that lasts briefly a few seconds. They start saying their names faster, until up last a guy and Peridot does a small turn around and puts his fingers under his chin, his eyes narrow in a thoughtful and seductive manner instead of a threatening one, and he looks at me.

"And I'm Link," he says exactly at the same time as the actor. Wait, is that, Zac Efron

He keeps singing and dancing, on the screen they all huddle together so that they are all seen on the black and white TV, Peridot bends down on one knee in front of me and sings the last few words.

"Nicest Kids In Town!" he sings along with the actors. Fuck! He remembers it!

"You didn't huddle," I say.

"There's no one else dancing with me, of course, if you want me to teach you, step by step," he says the last part using an inappropriate tone that makes me blush, both because of what he means and what him remembering the song and choreo means.

"Well now we know, you owe me one date," he says. I shouldn't have made that bet, I think to myself.

As there is dialogue, Peridot plops down next to me and asks: "So where'd you like to go on your first date?"

I don't respond.

"Don't worry. I'm not in the next number," he says.

"Wow, really? That totally makes me feel a lot better," I say sarcastically. Peridot sat between Jane and me, so Jane walks over him and lays on my lap. She looks at Peridot as if making fun of him, then she looks at me and lays her head on my stomach. I rub her head and she closes her eyes. Her hair is so soft, but I think she needs a shower. Its so much work and I am too lazy to, but I have too. I'll give her a shower tomorrow, besides, it's better to keep it a secret until I get her into the bathroom.

"Lighten up Lazuli, it's not the end of the world, at least not for me," he says smiling. I'm not getting my cheesecake, I think.

About an hour passes and Peridot has remembered all of the numbers but one. Which means I get one week where he brings me chocolate cheesecake every single day, no excuse. But I have to go on dates with him. He takes my hand and pulls me up, making Jane fall onto the couch.

"Dance the last number with me," he says. He spins me and then dips me down, my back and head against his chest and arm. Then, he brings me back up, and I have to regain my balance. Jane barks.

To be honest that was kind of fun.

"Fine," I say. We out subtitles on the movie. And I wait. I say Tracy's line and then I pathetically try to mimic her. But I laugh, Peridot laughs too.

"Then he joins me, and he sings and dances while I just do a pretty pathetic mimicry. After what feels like an eternity I feel tired and I plop down on the couch.

"Please don't tell me this is what we'll be doing in this musical you signed me into?" I ask. I am tired.

"No," I sigh in relief.

"The male leads will be doing things sharer than this, you'd be a female lead, you'd just move around holding your dress," he says trying to demonstrate with an imaginary dress.

"Holy shit, holy fucking shit," I say putting my hand on my sweating forehead.

"I understand, but I feel it is better if you use shit a fuck in their appropriate settings and definitions," he says.

"What the fuck? In what context do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, let's see, the term shit can be used as Oh, give me a second. I must unwillingly clean my dog's shit. And for fuck, well, that basically means sex. I can't help you there unless you ask me to," he says, the last part with a smirk. I don't blush this time.

"No thanks. I prefer the teenage way of using the words, regardless of what they actually mean," I explain.

"Come on Lazuli. I can tell you at least forty-eight percent of the people who curse, have started out saying, but the meaning is technically just, butt or poop, or sex, right?" he says. I laugh.

"That is kind of true," I respond giggling.

"What was the first bad word you ever said?" he asks me. I think for a second.

"I think I was at the beginning of sixth grade. I think was eleven. If I remember correctly, I said Come at me, bitch," I say slowly as I try to remember.

"Really? Why? What was going on?" he asks me.

"Honestly, I do not remember," I say. He looks at me suspiciously.

"So what about you? When as the first time Peridot Diamond, the player, cursed?" I ask using his label. Though the more general label would be Mr. BadBoy.

"The player? Huh, I was thinking more of, heartbreaker, don't you think?" he says lifting his head thoughtfully, but his eyes still on me.

"Just answer the fucking question," I say rolling my eyes not interested.

"Fine Ms. Boring. The first time I cursed, I was in middle school. Probably the end of seventh grade. I was like twelve at the time," he explains.

"But what did you say?" I ask

"I think I said something around, Don't you fucking dare say anything stupid about them you motherfucking asshole cause I swear I will beat the shit out of that ass of yours," he says trying to remember. For a second I am impressed and taken back before I realize something.

"I started cursing before you," I point out

"If you wait until the end, you get the bigger end," he says shrugging his shoulders.

"What?" I ask.

"Don't worry about it," he finally says.

"What the hell does that mean?" I ask giggling in between.

"All you need to know is that I like you, Lapis Lazuli," he looks at me smiling. I don't blush, but I don't know how to respond either. I am rendered speechless.

Did he just say he...likes...me? I ask myself.

I smile nervously, unable to react. So instead of facing it head on, I try to get him to say that he's kidding. Get him to deny the thing he has just confessed to me.

"No, you don't," I say.

"You can't speak for me," he says.

"But I know that you're lying, and honestly I don't like being lied to about things like that," I admit.

"You don't like being lied to, even if they'll make you feel better? Those lies?" he asks. I answer immediately because I know my response.

"No. I prefer the brutal truth. Even if I don't like it. It's tough to live not knowing the truth, its kind of stupid to live like that willingly. To not want to know the truth," I explain looking him straight in the eye. Though not in a menacing way.

"Then face the truth Lazuli. I like you, whether you like it, or not," he uses my word against me.

"Then tell me the truth Peridot. Why do you like me? Why are you here? Because let me tell you, if you're only interested in, you know, sorry to burst your bubble but it's not gonna happen," I say firmly. He looks at me and then laughs.

"What's so funny?" I asked crossing my arms.

"Have you read the book Divergent?" he asks. I look at him with disbelief.

"What?" I ask.

"Well somewhere between the end of the book, and the middle, the guy tells his girlfriend that if all he wanted was sex, she wouldn't be his first choice. And the same applies to us, though you're not my girlfriend if all I wanted was sex, I would have gotten it from other girls who really just want that too," he says.

"You know every girl in school is at least a year younger than you?" I point out.

"And you are two you years younger than me, do I look like I care? I've been left in that local jail for days, I have a record down there, trust me, both the police and I are used to my regular visits down there. When we get there, they usually just make me sign a few papers and then let me leave," he says.

"I'm glad you see all of this as a joke," I say rolling my eyes.

"Who said I took life as a joke? Precisely every move I ever make, I do it exactly to shape the future I want," he explains.

"Wow, you know how to manipulate, good for you!" I say.

"Hold on Lazuli, there's a difference between manipulation and shaping," he says.

"What's the difference? They seem like the same to me," I say.

"The difference is grand, Lazuli," he says.

"Can you please stop calling me by my last name?" I ask for like the hundredth time.

"No," he simply says.

And just like that, we have fought again.

There is a lasting silence between us. Jane just lays her head on my stomach. The movie ends and the credits roll. I barely even saw the movie, I was to busy watching Peridot fucking dance. And now I have to go on fucking dates with him.

"There's always a difference," I turn to look at him.

"What?" I ask.

"There's always a difference, it just depends on how you look at it. Its optimism vs. pessimism. Your life could be half empty, but someone else could see it as half full," he explains.

"And what if it's just...empty?" I ask him.

"I am very knowledgeable, but I don't know everything," he says.

"Two sides to every story?" I think out loud.

"I have a good example right now," he says.

"Which is?" I ask, suggesting him to continue.

"What do you think, when someone says, I want you?" he asks me.

"Well, that they want sex or something like," I say.

"There are two sides to every story," he shifts himself to face me.

"Just because someone says I want you, they could mean they want sex, or that they want you, your love, time and comprehension," he explains.

"Who would have thought you could be deep?" I ask teasingly.

"Believe it or not, I wasn't always a, what do you call me, oh yeah, a player," Peridot says.

"Okay, let's make a deal," he starts.

"You only have to go on one date with me, if you promise to act like you are interested in the date," he explains. I thank him internally.

"Deal," I say. There is a brief silence between us before he says,

"So, wanna watch it again? Or another movie?"

I laugh. We barely paid any attention. However, I definitely do not want to watch it again, but he puts it on anyways and I watch it for the next hour and a half.

My mind drifts to what he told me a bit earlier, and I try to ignore it. I want to pretend he never said anything, or that he specifically didn't say that...that...that he likes, me. No one would believe it so I don't believe it either.

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**Good day everybody. What did you all think of this chapter? Let me know what you guys think is going to happen next.****I am officially turned 14 on the fifth, and my brother turns nine tomorrow.****Hope you all have the best day/night and if it's your birthday soon, or it already passed in the last month or so, let me know and I'll be sure to wish you all the best of wishes.****Have a wonderful day/night! Till next month/chapter!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Help Me**

**Peridot's P.O.V.**

"So you to-told her?" Luke asks me as he attempts his math problem.

"Told her what?" I ask.

"About, you know," he says as he looks up at me with the same green eyes I have.

"What? No. I told her that I like her, though I doubt she believes me one bit,"

"Why why?" he asks. Though I know it's my nature, I feel ashamed to talk about it, for Lazuli herself didn't believe me because of it.

"You know, you ask too many questions to be answering one yourself," I respond. He smiles and gets back to his math problem.

That's when my phone rings, no one really but Amethyst or Pearl call or text me at this hour. If Amethyst calls, I take my homework out and get ready to send a picture, if Pearl calls, I ignore it. But damn am I surprised when I see who it is.

"Who is it?" Luke asks.

"The love of my life," I say as I open and read.

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Lapis' P.O.V.

I text Peridot later at night telling him that I'm giving Jane a shower tomorrow. Just in case he doesn't want to come, or he wants to help me.

I lay on my back, Jane trying sleep on my side. I hold my phone with my left hand. It's very slow and hard to text with just my thumb, it falls sometimes. He texts back almost immediately.

Peridot- I'll help. Not to brag, but I am good with getting things I want.

Me- I don't doubt that one bit Prince Charming.

Peridot- That includes you.

Me- Oh, shut up. See you tomorrow.

With that, I put my phone in the small drawer next to my bed. I get comfortable and hug Jane as I take my time to go to sleep. I

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Morning

I wake up and I get ready. I do everything, as usual, I take my morning pill and I do some homework. After that, I just wait and use my phone. I check my email and do whatever pops into my head. Because I have nothing to do, I get bored, and I lay down on my neatly made bed. I close my eyes and let the sun fall on my exposed skin. Which isn't much.

"Morning sleeping beauty," I jump up to find Prince Charming there. I think I fell asleep. He stands in front of me and offers me his hand. I take it and he pulls me up.

"Just please don't say anything until we get her into the bathroom, cause then she tries to escape," I whisper.

"Alright," he whispers back smirking, he looks at me up and down.

I play around with Jane, at one point she brings her stuffed kangaroo toy with a tiny Joey inside its pouch. I smile as Peridot talks to me. After that I make Jane play hide and seek, with Peridot too of course. And I, well I hide in the bathroom. Getting her in there is as simple as that. She never guesses it, because she doesn't think about it. I tell Peridot the plan when Jane goes downstairs, and he nods his head.

After some time, which is actually a couple of minutes, I finally hear Jane's tiny little paws walking around my room. I hear her go everywhere, she even finds Peridot. Then I hear the bathroom door creak open. Peridot closes the door behind him and I turn the faucet on. She looks between both of us, and she takes many steps back before she starts whining.

"The more you let me, the faster this will be over. Until next time of course," I say as I fix the water's temperature. I tell Peridot to go get the only white in my closet, and he leaves, opening the door only enough for him to squeeze through and leave. I put my hand under the water and see it is finally warm.

"Come on Jane, its ready," just as I look back at her, Peridot comes back in again and she tries to make a run for it. Peridot reacts and puts his foot so she can't get through as he closes the door quickly. I actually thought he would use the tower instead as if she were a bull or something. That would have been funny, but rude of course.

After many minutes of trying I finally get her into the tub, and I tell Peridot to get me the dog shampoo that is in the drawer under the sink, he tries to look for it but he tells me he can't find it. I tell him to watch Jane while I look for it.

I look in the sink. I remember I put it right in front last month, but I guess I was wrong. I move some things and find it all the way at the back. It smells so good!

"Found it," I say as I get up and hand him the shampoo. Jane stands there, in the tub as it fills up. She gives me that face where she pleads for mercy. I crouch down and start getting all of her hair wet. I put aside all of the hair she has on the front that is covering her eyes. I shake my wet hand before extending it to get the shampoo.

"Shampoo," I say expecting the shampoo bottle. He hands it to me and I take my hands of Jane. I put some shampoo on my hand and then start washing Jane. It makes bubbles, and Jane tries to lick herself clean, so I have to keep pulling her head back up. The tub is less than half full, but it is the only thing Jane likes about showering. It makes her stay still, for a limited time. Fun has its limits.

"Jane!" I say as she starts moving around once she is rinsed and free of bubbles. But for once, I have a backup.

"Peridot, can you maybe help me?" I ask though he knows he better.

"Though you'd never ask," he says crouching down and holding Jane so I can get the shampoo bottle. I do the same as before, but when I go to apply it to Jane, I realize I am the only one who can handle her. Jane throws water on him, he gets water and bubble on him. When she jumps in the water, we both get wet.

"Your mut isn't very nice, Lazuli," Peridot says looking at himself.

"Oh calm down Prince Charming," I say trying to control Jane. Peridot takes his leather jacket off, and I try not to get distracted, but damn must he work out! I mean maybe he does, not that he should, but honestly, I don't think he needs to. He notices.

"Enjoying the view?" he asks with that flirtatious grin. I don't blush, and I go back to what I am doing.

"Shut the fuck up Prince Charming. You aren't charming enough to charm me or Jane," I say smirking when I mention Jane.

"Sooner or later what must happen will," he says. I look at him.

"What. The. Fuck. Was that?" I ask smiling. We both laugh as he tries to explain with things I don't even bother trying to listen to because I don't care. Sadly, Jane does. She stands up, grabs his shirt and pulls him in. I'm surprised she had the strength to pull him in, but then again, Jane is not a force to be reckoned with. I laugh hard as he sits up in the filling tub.

"Very funny right?" he says smirking. Jane sits next to him, just staring at him and then she looks at me as if looking to see my reaction.

"Told you this thing is the devil reincarnated," he whispers.

"Well isn't that charming," I say calming down and smiling.

"Well if you think it's so funny why don't you join in on the fun," he takes my arm. I try to hold my ground, but I let my guard down and I fall into the tub too. I sit up, but I hit my head against the faucet.

"Oh, dammit! You okay?" he asks.

Holding the back of my head, I ask with a face that says seriously, "Do I look okay?"

"In my opinion, you look fine, really fine," he says. I roll my eyes as I use my hands to wipe the soap and water from my face to look at him. His hair falls down onto his face, his hair is a little long. The blond shines with the water on his hair.

I put my hands on the edge of the bathtub and push myself to stand. My wet clothes weigh me down, and I feel cold. Peridot takes his real sweet time to get up though. I'm glad he's having a good time, I think sarcastically. Jane stands up and jumps out of the bathtub, but she slips on the floor and starts whining. I immediately get out, being careful to not slip too, I go to her and sit down on the floor. I pick her up and hold her like a baby, though she is heavy.

"You okay?" I ask her. She lifts her head towards me, and her nose moves as if she were smelling me.

"I'm glad the dog is okay," Peridot says getting out of the tub. I ignore him as I am fixed on Jane. I hold her close, her front paws facing upwards.

"Animals are like kids, especially dogs. I may consider Jane like a sister, but when she needs me, she becomes like a little baby, and me, like her mother," I say. It's true. Jane is there for me, and I will always be there for her.

"I wonder how you would be with your real children? Would you be yelling at them every time they do something, or would you be the mother?" he asks. He says, mother as if it were a bad thing.

"And why would the mother be a bad thing?" I ask looking up from Jane.

"It's not technically a bad thing, it's just the normal cliche mother. You know, the one that calls you nicknames, and squeezes your face, says they will love you no matter what," he says.

"No, actually I don't know, my mom and I never had that kind of relationship," I say looking back down at Jane again. I don't know why I said it, but it came out, he met my mom the night I met him, but he doesn't know. My mom and I have never been close. Maybe once we were, a million years ago, and now it is nothing but a far gone forgotten memory. Maybe she didn't know how to help me, so she decided not to help me at all.

"I don't believe every mother has love towards their kids," I confess. My childhood scared me real good, and a scar never heals. Never.

"Come on, your mom can't be that bad," he says. I try not to let it show, his mom probably cares.

"Trust me, if my mom cared I wouldn't be the mess I am," I say getting up while carrying Jane. She is really heavy, but I swallow my pride and keep going. I put her back in the tub and unclog it so all the water drains out. The water is still running.

"Not every mom is the same," he defends, and I know he just wants to prove me wrong to make me feel better. It does me no good.

"You're right," I finally say looking up at him from the floor, "Not every mother loves their kids."

That shuts him right up. I am thankful for the silence, but it becomes dreadful, and I wish to start another conversation, about anything, just to stop the threatening silence.

"What'd you tell me about your mom?" I ask, before I think it through and remember his daddy issues, as Luke calls it, but I push the thought away because he also makes me uncomfortable sometimes.

"We have something called personal lives, Lazuli," he says. I roll my eyed while smiling.

"Of course, cause my house, my time, my dog, my bathroom, and my room, isn't private," I say sarcastically. He just shrugs his shoulders and smirks. I get back to what I am doing.

"You haven't kicked me out," he defends. I look at him with narrow eyes, then turn back to Jane and continue scrubbing.

"Then you're stupider than I thought," I say. He chuckles.

"Lazuli, stupider is not a word," he says.

"Since when do you care if something is real or not?" I ask. He smirks. Unreal is his thoughts that something might happen between him and me. He is delusional. But I see him hug himself as he starts to shake a little

"Are you cold?" I ask. He shakes his head.

"No, I'm fine," he says taking his rams off himself. I smirk this time.

"If you want a shirt, I know quite a few my dad has never used and never will use," I suggest as I finish rinsing Jane and getting rid of all the soap. Honestly, my skin is a little cold too. I'm going to take a shower too, though I feel a little lazy too, I know I still have to one though.

"I'm fine, Lazuli," he says.

"You sure? I don't want you blaming me or Jane that you got sick," I ask.

"I can handle a little cold. But I need to ask you something," he says.

"What?" I say tell him to go on.

"What do you think of what I told you yesterday?" he asks. I feel like I know what he wants to say, but I'm afraid to recognize it.

"That I love you," he answers. I keep going rinsing Jane, and to stall, I put more shampoo on my hand and wash Jane again. Though the look on her face is of frustration and tired. I smile in my head about that, but I scream internally at what he just brought up. Didn't he say yesterday he liked me? Not once did he mention love. Or did he? I don't remember. This whole talk of love and like and showers makes me nervous. Maybe if I pretend I didn't hear, he won't push it.

"Lazuli"

"Yeah?" I ask looking at him.

"Did you just hear what I told you?" he asks. I turn back to Jane and take my time washing and getting the shampoo to all of her body.

"Yeah," I respond.

"Then what do you think about it?" he asks. I'm not sure what to say, so I say the most logical answer in my situation.

"I'm not sure," I say, however when the words leave my mouth, it feels like a question. So I try to look for the answer between the lines.

On one hand, he's reckless. He's you could say a sort of bad influence though I've never really seen him do anything bad. At least not in front of me. But once he got into a fight, so he got detention, then when he came to my house, he smelled of alcohol. You could smell it in the breath that he has been drinking before coming over. He calls Jane a mut, which is an insult if you ask me because Jane is a husky and I'm alive today thanks to her. The day I met him he said he could kill the guys that had scared the shit out of me, and that he has a record at the local police station! He has beaten up groups of younger kids on his own! Who the fuck does that?

Not to sugarcoat it, but I guess it wasn't the worst reason to do it. Luke himself told me the kids were making fun of him, and so Peridot took on their tiny little bitchy gangs. He may seem like a bad influence, but he is also very sweet at times. He was there for me, not too long ago. I think that was less than a week ago. He was there, both nights. Hugging me and trying to make me feel better. Even if he was uncomfortable, he stayed there, trusted me to tell me about his dad. He even carried me to bed when I fell asleep on him, not in an inappropriate way. He's here right now. He's actually the first guy to show genuine interest in me, and now that I realize that, my mind is now like Holy. Fucking. Shit! Peridot is so bad. Even with all his many, many, many, flaws, to me, hed not like the other guys. He shows genuine interest in me. Hasn't tried to do anything to me. And he isn't such if a pervert as I thought he was. Now that I think about it, we're not that different. Though we both come from different worlds, we both share a few similar qualities and problems. Though if course he doesn't have HIV. At least I don't think so. That would be coincidental, and ironic and kind of a story killer. Anyways, it may not seem like a big deal, but he helps me with science, though I still never understand the scrabbles and numbers. Like what the fuck is this? Science or torture?

But enough about science, not everything is science.

My dad tells me the good actions always weigh more than the good ones because they are meaningful. The bad ones are only as meaningful as we let them be if we let them weigh more than the good ones, life would be full of pessimistic people. And I'm sure as hell one of them, but I guess it wasn't until now that I've actually absorbed my dad's wise words. Fathers may have kids, but that doesn't mean they aren't great. I know the mother is supposed to be there, fathers too though for many people I'm sure either the father or the mother is not present. My parents are here, but not present. My dad is here if I need him, or if he senses I need him but am too prideful to admit or confess. And all of this revelation started with an I love you, from the person least expected.

"I'm confused," is all I can make out into words.

"Confused? How are you confused?!" he asks.

"How the fuck do say something like that to someone and then expect them just to be cool about?" I ask looking at him.

"But what do you think?" he asks.

"How the fuck am I supposed to know?" I ask washing the shampoo off of Jane.

"I don't know! But you're supposed to say something, anything," he says. I get frustrated.

"We always get into fights like these, okay. And I'm getting sick of it! If you can't respect my decision and my space, then maybe you shouldn't come here!" I yell. Hopefully, the neighbors don't hear. I finish giving Jane a shower. It feels good to be under control of the situation. I just told him to leave if he keeps it up. I hold the reigns here. But again, the silence and tension become unbearable.

"I don't mind it, as long as you don't push me," I say closing the faucet. A few minutes pass as I try to get Jane out, but she stands firm. Does she like the bath, or not? She's confusing at times.

"I ap-you're right," he says. I don't look at him. I want him to keep going, say why I am right. But I am still surprised. Prince Charming apologized, now he just has to hive that huge cliche speech on why I am right, and he is wrong.

"I'm not going to give you a bunch of reasons why, but you are right. And I am wrong, as you are probably enjoying," he says. I try to refrain myself from smiling, but I fail.

"Keep going," I say. He smiles and keeps saying that he shouldn't things.

"You're doing good," I tease. He chuckles between his words.

"That hurt, didn't it?" I tease even more when I think he is done.

"Okay, I am hoping to take that as you accepting my most sincere apology and not wanting me to continue," he says.

"But you were doing so well," I tease again, one last time.

"Well if you're done apologizing how screwed your brain is, you can hand me that towel, right over there," he walks.

"Just follow the finger," I honestly can't help myself. Peridot is so easy to make fun of, the best part is, it's fucking hilarious! Jane nudges me with her nose, maybe ti get my attention, but I don't pay her attention.

"Thank you," I say taking it the white towel.

"De rein," he says.

"I have no fucking clue what you just said but do not fucking screw this up Peridot. You don't want to have to apologize again, do you?" I raise an eyebrow while smiling.

"Oh no! What dreaded torture you have brought upon me," he says in a sarcastic and exaggerated way. I try to contain my laughter as I try to take Jane out. I know I've always done this alone, but since Peridot is here now, I guess he could help me.

"The mut? Sure," he says yet, unsure.

"Come on, don't tell me you're afraid of her," I assume.

"Lazuli, I am not afraid of your dog. I am afraid of what is in it. I'm telling you, this mut is the devil reincarnated," he says. I smile.

"Okay just get her out," I say as I make sure the towel is put in tightly enough so it doesn't fall off. He bends down and picks her up. However, Jane struggles to break free. I leave that to him.

I get another towel and put it on the floor. I get out the hairdryer and plug it in.

"Give her here," I say. He crouches and puts her down in front of me. Jane tries to run, but I grab her wet body and pull on her to keep her there. She so cautiously lays down on the white towel I laid down for her. I tell Peridot to pass me the brush for Jane from the tiny drawer with all her papers and things.

I turn the hairdryer on, and Jane stays still. I turn it to face her body and she looks at it, staring at it. She gets mesmerized. I take the towel that I had wrapped her in, and I dry her. The hairdryer makes that annoyingly loud noise, but it gets the job done. My skin is still a little wet, so are my heavy clothes, and I feel a little cold. Jan's hair separates where the hairdryer points too. I use to towel and hairdryer to dry, and I use the brush to smoothen and to untangle. After several minutes, Jane is able to break free from me.

"Jane!" I say. She runs to the open door. Peridot runs too and closes it, almost hurting her, but not. I get up and pick her up. She's heavy, but it would be embarrassing to put her back down again and have Peridot point it out.

I sit back down. Jane lays her head on my leg and I continue to use the towel, the hairdryer, and the brush. The leg Jane lays on goes numb, so once I finish, she gets up and jumps on my bed. I put my hand on the wall and try to get up.

"Peridot, help me up!" I say, and I don't have to repeat myself. He comes to my aide in a split second. He puts a hand on my waist and another on my wrist and helps me up.

"I wonder how you do this all the time on your own?" he wonders.

"Sometimes, you don't want to wonder, but I do pretty well for your information. Jane just wants to make your life miserable, that's why she pulled you into the tub," I say.

"Fucking shit, Lazuli, your dog tried to kill me," he accuses, though not in a serious manner.

"I thought you wanted to use those words in their accurate manner?" I point out.

"But I'll get my revenge," Peridot says.

"May the odds be ever in your favor," I say closing my eyes as if I were honoring something or someone.

"Hunger Games?" Peridot raises an eyebrow.

"Great books, great movies. Better than a few others," I point out.

"True. If you've seen the Divergent series movies, they completely suck. They don't even go with Veronica Roth's storyline. And it's worse because she screen writes it! I swear, the fucking movie makes me ashames of liking the book because of how terrible it is," he explains. I never knew Peridot Diamond could be ashamed.

"You, ashamed?" I ask, pointing out the words ashamed. He smiles and reaches his hand out to me. I take it without hesitation. I've hesitated too many times. I've learned not to, Peridot isn't easy, but he isn't a bad guy. He's only, I guess, misunderstood.

"I'm just misunderstood," as if he could read my mind. I let go of him and I ask him once more.

"You sure you don't want another shirt?" I ask.

"I'm sure. I'm strong," he says.

"Well you look cold," I point out.

"I've been through worse, Lazuli, I can take it," he replies. I shrug my shoulders and let him be.

"Okay, I'm going to take a quick shower. If you want there are extra towels in the closet down the all, and I'll be in the bathroom. Taking a shower. So I would very much appreciate it if you didn't bother me," I say.

I get my clothes and my towel. I take off my shoes and get my flip-flops. I take a white, sleeves, loose shirt, also loose grey pants, and a grey sweater that is also a bit loose on me, but it makes me comfortable, cause it's my pajamas. I go into the bathroom and I bring my things with me, putting my black bra and underwear between my shirt, pants, and sweater. I turn the faucet on, undress, and get in. I am very lazy to get myself to take a shower, but I always like the feeling of the warm water against my ba back. I look at my very slender figure. I am very skinny. You can almost see where my rib cage is. My doctor's tell me to eat, give me medicine thinking I have some sort of problem that could be solved, or prevented with medication, like my HIV. But it's not something that has to do with my immune system or my body. It's in my mind. And a bunch of medicines can't help what's in your mind. Some people search, hoping not to find. And I am one of these people. I'm told to ask for help, but I hope I don't find it. You can't fix someone who doesn't wish to be fixed. My own self-pity and refusing everyone else's help me survive.

I wash my body and then I wash my long blue hair. It reaches just up to my hips and sticks there. I let my hair get as wet as it can, and my bangs cover my eye. I leave them there for a minute. I start to move them aside when I hear a knock on the door. And it opens.

"Hey, Lazuli," Peridot says. I should have guessed it was him.

"What?" I ask stopping what I'm doing.

"You mind if I squeeze my shirt in your sink?" he asks. I hesitate, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. As long as he isn't doing anything inappropriate.

"I guess. Just don't do anything stupid," I say. I hear his silent chuckle. I search for my shampoo, I take it and open it. But when I try to pour on my palm, nothing comes out. I have a spare one under the sink. I open the curtains only enough for my head to look out.

"Hey, Peridot," I say. I close the curtain.

"Fuck! Holy fucking shit!" I mouth. He's shirtless. Know I know what to tell Marcy, he does have abs. Damn, that body ain't natural. I hate to admit it, but he is hot. He is fucking sexy and I hate to admit it. The muscles he shows when he takes his jacket off, don't do him any justice. His skin looks so smooth. I know it's wrong and perverted, but I want to touch his back. It looks so damn smooth, anyone would want to touch it. I relax and look back out, my hair falling down behind me. He already looks at me.

"Yeah?" he asks. I try my damn hardest not to blush.

"I have a spare shampoo bottle under the sink, can you pass it to me?" through its more like an order than a request.

"One sec," he squeezes his shirt a little more and water comes out. Then he puts it down and opens the cabinet connected to the sink. He takes it out after a few seconds and stands up. I reach out my arm to take it, but he pulls it back. He's seeing my exposed arm, but I just want my shampoo bottle so when I get out of here I can show him not to mess with my brain cells.

"Peridot give me the fucking shampoo bottle!" I say. He smirks and gives it to me. I close the curtain and take a deep breath. A damn deep breath. Then I wash my hair. It takes a couple of minutes since my hair is a little too long. I've been wanting to cut it, but I would never hear the end of it.

"I'll be outside," I hear Peridot says as he opens the door and I peek outside to see him not in the room anymore. I sigh in relief.

"Thank the lord," I say. After I wash it once, I get more shampoo and wash it once more. I wash it and rinse it, then I wash my face. I stand there for another minute or two just letting the water run down my body, it's calming. Though I know it's going to take everything I have to take my next shower next time. Lazy to get in, but calming to stay. That's me, I contradict myself.

After that, I turn the faucet off and wrap my towel around my very slim figure though I'm going to change here. I always change outside in my room, but Peridot is outside, and I will not change in front of him. I don't like changing in the bathroom because of its always humid, moist, and hot after I take a shower, but I don't have a choice.

I take off the towel and start to put on my clothes. After I finish and put on my sleeves loose shirt that connects from the back, my shoulders are bare, and my collar bone is exposed. I unfold my sweater hang it up by the hood as I take my towel again to dry my hair. I squeeze it onto the sink. Then I use the towel to dry my hair again. Since I have the hairdryer out, I might as well as use it.

I put on my sweater and zipped it up. After that, I put my towel over my sweater and I lift my hair so it is on top of the towel. I feel comfortable. I open the door, turn off the lights, and go into my room. Jane lies on my bed, on her back, looking at me as I leave the bathroom. Her arms are bent on top of her stomach.

"Okay, where's Peridot?" I asked crossing my arms. She gets up and gets off my bed. Then she uses her paw to open the slightly open door. I walk out behind her.

She goes down the stairs, she doesn't take caution and just rushes down. If we lived here when we were younger she would have fallen. I walk down taking my time. Jane waits for me in front of the kitchen. I hear paper crumble and I go inside to see Prince Charming.

"What are you doing?" I ask, trying to look at what he's got in that deep pan.

"Hot chocolate," he responds looking back at me when he looks me he smiles.

"You surprise me," I say putting my hand on my hip. The towel falls, and I bend down to pick it up.

"Tell me something Lazuli. Do you starve yourself, are you anorexic or what?" he asks me. The question startles me.

"What?" I ask trying to process what he just asked me.

"Look, what I am trying to figure out is why and how you are so skinny. The skinny you are is on many levels, unhealthy. You can't see it very clearly through all the clothes, but I noticed," he says it as if he's seen it a thousand times.

"Peridot, that is something, umm, personal. Its something that has to do with my body, and me. My body is mine, and I decide what the fuck it is I want to do with it. Just like you can decide to do whatever you want with yours," I explain figuring out my whole explanation for something that is not explained so easily, for something that shouldn't be explained at all.

"There are limitations," he says.

"I know, I just... it's hard to explain. But, I had a personal life before I met you, and there are things no one knows about me, that I wish they would stay that way," I nod, trying to buy my own lame excuse.

"Tell me," he says. Again, I am startled.

"What?" I aks yet again.

"I want to talk anyone, and I won't laugh or shame. I know it a cliche phrase, but I'm not like the people you've encountered in your past," he says. I'm not sure of what to say. Of course, I won't tell him what happened to me. I won't say, hey, I was raped by four teenage guys on my tenth birthday, and I was infected with HIV. Yeah, but don't let the HIV fool you, I'm actually suicidal!

That wouldn't make a good impression, now would it?

"Of course, you're not like the others, they'd all have run away with some random excuse. But I'd preferred not to tell you or anyone," I say.

"You sure?" he asks again.

He is so stubborn! But the thing is, I feel like I want to tell him. But I also feel like it is not the brightest idea. Peridot has these, stupid effects on me, but it is not love. Honestly, I feel okay with him, but I know it's not okay. Its life for heaven's sake, nothing is okay!

What would he think if I told him I was raped? I'm no virgin. I'm not pure as some people prefer to call it. I'm a seventeen-year-old who lost her virginity to some stupid drunk guys who later used the lame excuse that I was dressed provocatively or that they didn't know what they were doing! Like what the fuck? It was my birthday! Of course, I will be wearing a dress! There are different types of people when it comes to rape. People who justify the attacker, people who sympathize the victim. Also, people who look at both sides, people who stay neutral, people who question. I could go on and on, but trust me, there will always be the one person, that if you are a girl who was raped, they will always ask that one questions I became so sick of hearing: Are you pregnant?

Like what. The. Fucking. Shit!

I hadn't even gotten my period yet and they're asking me if I am going to be a mother? They said they were on my side, but honestly, I think that person was trying to blend in with everyone. I don't know what they ask boys, because I am not a boy, but they are lucky they do not have to endure with that annoying as fuck question!

While a storm is unfolding in my mind, I remain silent.

Am I sure?

"I'm sure," I say, though I am actually not.

"Either way, you gotta eat. Cheesecake's in the fridge," once he says that I smile and head to the fridge. I see it, and I don't bother to wonder how he got it here without me noticing. I find one hundred percent satisfaction in my chocolate cheesecake. Jane stands to smell what I hold.

"I didn't even notice when you brought it in," I say, trying to drive the subject away from my unhealthy skinny body.

"A guy that's in love never reveals his secrets," he responds.

"You're not in love," I say opening the thin cardboard box with plastic in the middle, displaying the cheesecake inside.

"How do you know that?" he asks.

"Because love doesn't exist. It's just a bunch of natural drugs in your body rising and falling making you feel a deep desire or affection towards someone," I say. And I am right. It is scientifically proven.

"It's scientifically proven," I finish. He smirks.

"But its always towards one specific person, and the effect is called love. And it's a perk I can live with," he says. I smile at the silliness of that.

"It's not a bad perk if you ask me," he says. I turn to look at him, and our eyes lock. For the first time, I stare for a few brief seconds until I lightly chuckle and then look away, back to my task at hand, taking out my majestic and beautiful and delicious chocolate cheesecake. That Peridot bought of course, but its mine now.

Jane jumps abs startles me, I lightly gasp.

"Jane!" I say, reprehending her.

"Nice hair by the way," he says. I blush at that. I take the cheesecake and I admire it.

"How did you know, before, that I liked chocolate cheesecake?" I ask looking back at him.

"Told you, a guy that's in love never reveals his secrets," Peridot responds.

"I'm pretty sure you have many, I'm just not sure I want to know all of them," I say murmuring the last part. I silently giggle looking at Jane, as if it were our little secret.

'This is fun,' I mouth to her. I haven't realized how fun it is to have Peridot around. He wants to be more than friends obviously, it's not like he's trying to hide it anyways. But I don't really think I can do that, especially with him, but I think we're good friends. It takes a lot to tolerate me, and Jane.

We spend the rest of the day on the couch watching movies. Eating chocolate cheesecake, and drinking hot chocolate. I wait for a while for the chocolate to cool down a little because I don't really like to drink it hot. I ask Peridot why he would drink eat cheesecake while drinking age chocolate, and he says everyone has their own tastes. I laugh at that, but it is true. I almost finish the whole cake by myself.

Anyways, when I lean on his arm, I feel that his skin is still a little cold. I hope he doesn't get sick, or that he tells anyone about my physical state. Even Luke.

I tell him, he agrees to keep it a secret. I thank him. Jane lays on my legs. I enjoy the calm Sunday evening.

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

**Hiiii! How'd you all like this chapter? I hope every one of you found it great. Let me know what you think.**

**I'd like to wish luck to anyone taking the state tests in the next month of April. I will ill be taking it, and I hope all of you pass if you are taking it.**

**I'll see you all in the next chapter. Have a good night/day! You'll know the drill!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Doorbell Ditching**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

I spend my Monday with the rest of our friends. I speak to Amethyst mostly, and occasionally with Blue in the classes that we have together. Peridot, nowhere to be found.

He doesn't call or text in the morning. Which at the beginning didn't bother me, because he never does that. I didn't see him when I was walking to school. When I go into homeroom, he usually gets there a few minutes after me. But he didn't appear at all. The teacher marked him absent.

Peridot and I have our first class together on Mondays. Science. But he never showed up. I sat all alone, with an empty seat next to mine. I looked like a fool when Mr. Lacassio called on me.

After science, I thought of the worst. Where was he? Did something happen to him? Maybe he got sick? Or someone did something to him? Who would help me with science then? What if he transferred to another school? What if he actually did like me and was trying to impress me before he left? Why the hell do I care? He always gave me the homework!

Anyways, there's only one way to find out.

During my third class, I know where Luke' class is. It's the only class I have closest to him today, so after the bell rings, I head out. I am one of the first ones out, though when Peridot is here, we are one of the last ones out. I searched quickly for his ELA class, hoping I don't miss him and he has already left. I have math now, buts I know all the shortcuts and where traffic will be at its highest and at its lowest, and where the word traffic does not exist. Knowing someone like Peridot has its advantages.

I see Luke walking out of his class with Scarlett. I see the blush on her face, as he talks to her. They look cute together. I can't help but think of Peridot when I see them together. Well, Luke is his brother, they look alike, I try to justify my thoughts. Then I am brought back to reality when I am pushed back, and Luke and Scarlett start to head in the opposite direction.

"Luke! Scarlett!" I yell, a few people look at me, but yelling happens every day. Whether it's an argument, a teacher controlling the herd, or friends calling out to one another.

They both turn back to look at me. They both smile. They come in my direction, and I push to get to them.

"Lapis!" they both say, it couldn't be more obvious that they are happy to see me.

"Sorry, I just wanted to ask, where's Peridot? I haven't seen him all day," I say, though thinking of it now, it's only 10:30. A hundred thirty-five minutes have passed. I'm not very bad at math if I do say so myself.

"Oh, ye-yeah. He got...sick. In the morning, he woke-woke up sick. Told me to tell you, not-not to worry," he says. Remorse fills me. He got sick because of me. Because Jane pulled him into the tub. It's all my fault!

"Oh yeah, how considerate," I say.

"Well, see you guys in lunch," I said before turning around to head to Math.

"See...you Lapis," Luke says.

"Until lunch!" Scarlett's British accent says after Luke.

I turn around to say bye to then again, to wave bye, but they are gone in the crowd. I turn back around and head to my next class.

The day goes on and on, and it only gets more and more boring. If Peridot was here, he knows how to make everything fun. But he is sick, and it's my fault he is sick. I feel guilty.

I walk in the halls alone, and to everyone, I probably look like a girl who is depressed. Honestly, at this moment I kind of am. I know depression is something that is a little more lasting, but to be honest I did have depression a few years earlier. But that was to do with me. This is about somebody else, and hell does it feel a whole lot worse!

The class I have before Lunch is social studies. Though I usually excel in this subject, I raise my hand only once in a while, when I am very confident in my answer, when I know one hundred percent no one can object to it.

I continuously look at the clock. I don't remain focused, my heart beats to perfect rhythm with the clock. I try to make it look like I am doing my work. Amethyst copies everything I write down. I don't mind, I just get a little anxiety, I guess, from how close the period is to end, from the bell to ringing. From lunch.

I look, and when I see the teacher look over at us, I look back down. When the bell rings I am caught off guard, but nevertheless, I am one of the first ones out. Amethyst is usually always the first one out, but I think she stayed for something, I'm not sure what. I don't bother to wait for her, I head straight to the cafeteria.

I head straight for our table, and I see only Ruby and Sapphire here right now. I am early. I ait there uncomfortably hearing and seeing then compliment each other, though I'm surprised no one has said anything, this looks like adult content. They keep doing that until they notice me.

"Good evening Lapis," Sapphire says.

"Hey," I say.

"You're worried," she says.

"What?" I ask confused. Worried? How does she know?

"You can't hide anything from her if she wants to know it. She's psychic," Ruby says looking. back at Sapphire with a sly smirk. I recognize it as one of the smirks Peridot sometimes gives me. Sapphire brushes, so do I.

"Thanks for waiting, Lapis," I turn and see Amethyst coming to yo sit next to me. She says it sarcastically.

"Oh, sorry," I say. She just laughs it off. Steven, Luke, and Scarlett arrive. I say hi.

"Don't worry about it. I had to get the homework for Peridot, every time he's out, they tell me to give it to him," she explains. How many times is he out? Apart from the day I met him.

"Okay," I say.

"Say," once Amethyst says that every one of them looks away pretending to do something.

"Lapis," all of them look at Amethyst.

"Would you want to come with me to drop off Peridot's homework?" she asks.

"Umm," I glance at all of them, Ruby and Scarlett shake their heads.

"That would be-be unnecessary! I could...take it to Peridot mys-myself, he iss my brother," Luke says.

"Poor innocent Luke, but do you not remember you have music club after school," Amethyst says.

"Aww dammit! I for-forgot I had to...annotate the music!" Luke says opening his thin yellow folder.

"Me too!" Scarlett says as she also tales out an equally thin yellow folder. I hear them speak to one another.

"Why do they make us annotate it? Wouldn't they want us to learn to sight read?" Scarlett says. I see big dots with lines under and on top of them, they are in staff, I think its called, they write the number under them.

"True," Luke agrees.

"So Lapis, will you come with me to drop off Peridot's homework?" Amethyst repeats once again.

"Come on, you won't leave me to walk that mile all alone, right?" she says. Mile? What happened to me those seven years ago come to mind for some reason. At the corner of my eye, I see Ruby shaking her head like crazy.

"Sure," I say turning to look at Ruby quite unsure. She lets her head fall on the table.

"Fate has been altered," I hear Sapphire whisper to Ruby. What does that mean? I don't have time to ask because of Amethyst who says something I don't hear.

"What?" I ask.

"I said, meet me after school by the main entrance," she repeats slowly, almost making fun of me.

"Okay," I respond normally.

We have lunch, we talk. I watch as Luke and Scarlett talk to each other. Luke complimenting her, she listens and blushes. She doesn't look at him directly, I can guess why. How close they are. They like each other, I'm sure of that.

Lunch ends, and I have two classes left. My ELA is boring. We read a novel. It's called To Kill A Mockingbird. Were on the third chapter. I sincerely have no thoughts about it. We spend the whole double period, reading and discussing the book.

The teacher picks people to be the characters, most of them raise their hands. I look at the page where we last left off, but obviously, we're starting a new chapter. And the fucking teacher picked on me to say a character's dialogue. All of my classmates that had dialogue, made these silly side effect sounds. And everyone else made stupid comments, and also contributed to the silly sound effects.

Life without Peridot is boring and disturbing. I hadn't noticed it before. I guess I was too busy thinking about all the 'great' things my life would be without him, I hadn't noticed how not boring he had made it be. He broke my schedule, annoyed me, called Jane a mutt, and is making me go on a date with him.

But I guess I am pessimistic.

It's the half-full/half-empty metaphor he told me about.

And I guess, he's made my life, not half-empty.

Peridot has done annoying things to piss me off, but there are some things he's done to make my life not so monotonous. For example, has made my life funny. I've noticed more things since he came into my life. And, he makes me feel special. When it's just him and me, I get all the attention. It's attention that makes me feel a bit odd, but, ita attention. And it isn't bad attention. He says he likes me, and I know I always tell him to back off, but deep down, how can I not like the attention I long for. Who fucking cares what kind of attention it is, or from who it comes from? It's attention. And he's the first person to show me such attention in a long time.

After that, I go to PM homeroom and then go to my locker to get my things. Only then do I remember that I agreed to go drop of Peridot's homework with Amethyst. She said to meet her at the main entrance. I look for her and she is standing by the stairs. She sees me.

"Come on, let's go," Amethyst says as she starts walking off. Can she not wait one minute? I ask myself.

"Wait, where is his house?" I asked catching up to her and matching the pace her small legs take her.

"It's a little farther than you think. About, fifteen minutes if we hurry up," I mouth those words to myself. If the only thing we do is drop off the homework, we'll make just over half an hour. Now if Amethyst can walk any faster, I'll make that forty minutes.

We walk, she talks, I respond. I get tired, and I start to sweat a little, but I still don't take my sweater off. My backpack is kind of heavy, which makes my back, and the space between my neck and my shoulders ache. My bangs drop under my eyebrows, and I see them whenever I raise my eyebrows. I do that often to distract myself while Amethyst talk to me. I look around and the houses, small apartment building. People hang out. Mothers with their children, teenagers, guys with work attire. It makes me all wonder what my life would be like if I had their life.

"A little more and were there," she says. I take my phone and look at the time. It's been about twenty minutes.

"A little more and I would have killed you," I say as we walk uphill. I look at the slanted rows of houses and wonder how those people do that every day. I wonder how Peridot does this every day. Oh no, wait, he uses a motorcycle.

When we reach the end, we see three houses, larger than the rest of them. Beautiful lawns, big drive-throughs, beautiful big houses.

"Its the one on the left," she says, I follow her. It's a damn big house. The house looks as if it were new, and it looks so clean. The lawn has flowers, a row of bushes outlining and separating the marble pathway, to the steps you climb to the porch which covers the front door giving it a pleasant shade, from the rest of the lawn. The porch is also made of marble, there isn't a fence around it connecting the columns like in my house, and the entire house, just giving a glance at it, gives you a sense of superiority and sophistication.

"Are you sure?" I ask Amethyst who is already walking down the marble pathway. I hold onto my backpack's straps as if they could save me from this oblivious feeling. I glass, and everything I look at about this house seems to be breathtaking. When we approach the front door, I look at the silver knob. It looks brand new, not rusty, or as if it has been used so many times, I can almost see my full reflection in it. The door has a white coat of paint, so evenly spread out if you didn't know this was the porch, you may have thought it was part of the wall

"I'm pretty sure. I always bring him his homework when he is absent. And I know, it's damn breathtaking," she says as she takes off her backpack, puts it on the floor and unzippers it. She takes out a pretty full and messy looking folder. It looks like a mess. She takes out a couple of papers and hands them to me.

And that's when it suddenly hits me.

His parents.

Peridot told me that his father left, his mother remarried, and now he lived with his stepfather. He seemed not to like the idea, though. When he told me, he seemed pretty upset about it. I don't remember everything he said, but I remember enough to get a general idea. Peridot doesn't like his stepfather, and though I can understand why, I am afraid to know if there is another reason for it. What is his mother like? What is his stepfather like that makes Peridot not like him so much as to never talk about it either? I'm about to meet his biological mother, and father by marriage, and I am fucking terrified!

"Then why don't you give him the homework, I'll wait for you out here," I say, trying not to show my nervousness. I feel my skin get hotter and I feel as though my blood is rushing faster than usual. What did I get myself into?

"Just ring the doorbell," she says stepping behind me so I can see it. I hold the papers to my side, I hesitate, then it rings. I turn around to ask Amethyst how Peridot's parents are, though of course, I should have asked that earlier, she isn't there anymore.

"Amethyst?" I asked searching for her. Suddenly I hear that door behind me open, and I feel my heart stop. I spot her lavender hair hiding behind a car.

"Bitch," I say under my breath. I turn around with all my nerves and notice a woman, probably around my mom's age, my height, blond hair, and brown eyes. I am caught completely off guard.

"Good afternoon, you must be one of Amethyst's friends," she says. I don't have time to respond or ask how she knows.

"Don't worry about it, honey. It's her hobby when Peridot is sick. But come in, come in," she says grabbing my arm and pulling me in gently.

I look around and the house. It is much bigger from the inside.

"So tell me, dear, what's your name?" she asks while I am looking around. I then look at her again. Should I tell her my name?

"Umm, Lapis Lazuli?" I'm very unsure.

"What a beautiful name, for such a lovely girl like you," she says. I have to force a smile and stop from running away thinking she is a psychopath.

"Thanks," I say forcefully. It's manners. She is a stranger. Probably the mother of the guy who is always saying how he likes me.

"Oh, how rude of me, my name is Lesley Hillier. A pleasure to meet you, I'm Peridots mom," she says smiling as if she were proud of that.

No wonder parents are so different from their kids, they are proud of very different things.

"Nice to meet you too," I say. There is an awkward silence, though I'm not sure she knows that. She keeps smiling, it makes me uncomfortable.

"Umm, I brought Peridot's homework," I say pointing to the papers in my hand.

"Oh, of course. Let me call him, he's probably in his room. I'm sure hed me delighted to see you," she says.

"I don't think that will be necessary," I say.

"You sure?" she asks.

"I'm sure," I say. I don't want a sick Peridot all over me, especially when I can't even handle a healthy one. I smile to myself for a reason I do not know.

"You have a wonderful smile," she compliments.

"Oh, thanks," then I hear footsteps. I'd think its Peridot, but they sound too light to him his.

"Lesley, who was that?" a woman, who looks even younger, says walking to us She wears blue leggings, a green spaghetti strap shirt, and sneakers. Her black hair is tied back into a ponytail, and her eyes are dark hazel.

"Oh, Bella, this is Lapis Lazuli, Lapis Lazuli, this is Bella Landon," she introduces.

"Nice to meet you Lapis. I live next door to Lesley. You go to Beach City high school, right?" she asks raising an eyebrow. Her voice is a bit familiar.

"Do you know, Blue, Yellow, or White Pearl?" she asks.

"Yes," I say.

"I'm their older sister," she points to herself. My eyes widen.

"I thought it was just the three of them," I admit.

"I'm surprised you don't know. White and Yellow adore talking about their rich older sister. Blue, she isn't much of a bragger. If I were you, I'd hang out with her, rather than the other two," she whispers. Wait, did she says rich?

"It's lovely to see my friend get along with my son's friend," Peridot's mom, Lesley, says. I suddenly fee all the more uncomfortable being in their presence. But it all clicks. Beautiful, big, new-looking houses, beautiful lawns, marble pathways, and porches, and rich. Peridot is rich.

"Well, it was nice meeting all of you, but I need to go," I say.

"Well, wouldn't you like to stay for dinner? You could call Amethyst," Lesley offers.

"No thanks. I have someone to take care of," It is true. Jane needs to eat.

"Oh, well, have a safe way to your house," Lesley says.

"Do you want me to take you? I'm just heading out myself," Bella offers

"No, really, it's fine. Bye," I say as I hand Lesley the papers and I start to head out.

"Hopefully we see you around more often," I hear Bella say.

"Hopefully," I respond before I open the door and step out. I spot a car in the driveway that was not there before. A man comes to the door and sees me.

"You must be Amethyst's friend, I knew that was her I saw," he says extending his hand. I look at it for a second and then remember what that means. I shake it, I remember how I didn't realize Peridot wanted to shake my hand when we first met. But I still hear that Amethyst's friend. How often does this happen?

"Yes, I was just leaving," I say trying to leave without being noticed or rude.

"Well have a safe trip," he says offering a smile, I smile back and start leaving as I make an ashamed face at myself. I keep walking down the bush outlined marble pathway to the sidewalk as I look around for Amethyst. I don't know how to get back from here.

"Amethyst?" I call fearfully.

"Sup," she says as I see her walking to me.

"What the fucking shit is wrong with you?" I say.

"Everything," she says smirking, "I see you met Peridot's mom and stepdad. And their new next-door neighbor,"

"That was his stepdad?" I ask. It must have been obvious, but it totally slipped my mind.

"Yeah," she says.

"Why didn't you tell me he was," I gesture to the mansion.

"Rich?" she asks. I nod.

"The guy insists on not using that word saying it's not his money, but everything suggests otherwise," she says. My mind spins with questions and accusations towards Prince Charming.

"Just show me the way back so I can go home," I say. She turns around and leads me, I follow. She talks like earlier, and I try my best to make it look like I am listening.

In my mind, a storm is brewing. The next time I see him, he has a lot of explaining to do. How could he not tell me he is rich? He is always saying how he likes me, so why not be honest and not tell me things I already know?

When we are in a place I am more familiar with, I bid her farewell and we go out separate ways.

After a good eight minutes, I am home and Jane jump on me. Happy to see me, but she makes it clear not to delay me again.

I give her something to eat, and she eats while I go to the bathroom. After that, I make myself something small to eat. A simple sandwich. Then we watch TV and I make stupid comments about the actors, actresses, and the shows.

"I don't understand why people make movies about this if these things don't ever happen. Why don't they make movies about things that actually happen?" I say to Jane who just look at the movie. I know I won't get an answer anyways.

"I feel the same way," I respond my own question in a higher voice, putting my hand on her back. Only then does she look at me, but she went back to the movie, resting her head between her paws.

"I love you, Lapis," High pitched, Jane version of me, says. She looks at me again, I smile at her and I start to watch the TV. She lays on her back and her head rests on my lap. I rub her stomach, and she closes her eyes. Her hair is softs and fluffy from the bath I gave her yesterday. She doesn't like the showers, but she likes to brag about how pretty and fluffy she becomes. She feels like a stuffed animal. She's my oversized stuffed husky.

She ignores me as I continue to rub her stomach and chest. Her paws are bent over her chest, and her head is facing me, her face is filled with calmness. It makes a feeling of calmness wash over me too. Like I told Peridot yesterday, Jane is like a sister, but when she needs me or anything happens, then, she becomes my baby. However, there are some exceptions, and this is one of them.

"I love you too, Jane," I respond to myself. After a while of watching whatever looks good, which isn't much, I do my homework. I have a lot of difficulty with science, math isn't so bad. I don't have any ELA homework, and social studies are the easiest.

I know a lot about history, not because I have learned it on my own, or because I learn in my free time, but because everything our teacher says, I remember. All the dates, the names, the wars, the treaties, the reasons, the places, and the time periods. I'm an expert on everything I've learned.

After that, I don't really have much to do. So I decide to listen to music from that musical I forcefully auditioned for on my laptop. On youtube, I search up Hamilton songs. There are a ton. A bunch has the same star and man on the top symbol in gold from the flyer, and I'm not exactly sure which one comes first. I search up on google Hamilton musical, and I scroll down. Under the title songs, I find the first song ironically called Alexander Hamilton. I listen. Jane stares at me as I shake my head to the beat.

For the fifth song, I listen to a really upbeat song having to do with three sisters. I guess that's why it's called Schuyler Sisters, and I find out who I've auditioned for. I've auditioned to be the middle sister called Eliza. I laugh at the youngest one, Peggy. How she jumps in after Angelica and Eliza saying and Peggy. The oldest sisters, Angelica, seems to be a woman who is really for women's rights. When it ends, I look at the next song.

"Farmer refuted? Who comes up with these titles?" I ask myself. What does this even mean? I listen, and I laugh at the beginning when Hercules Mulligan encourages Alexander to go and contradict the said loyalist. Then when Alexander and the loyalist argue through singing. The next song is about King George third talking about how he loves America, and how well eventually be back at his feet. I smirk.

"How'd that turn out for you?" I ask the screen.

I look at the next one which is called Right Hand Man, it basically introduces George Washington, and how Alexander becomes his right-hand man. I go to the next one.

"Fucking 1700s men," I say to myself when the song comes close to the ending. The next one is called Helpless.

As I listen to it, I can't help but be perplexed at the naive character I have forcefully auditioned for. She falls for the guy just by looking at him. Who does that? And when she says how many weeks have passed when Alexander asked her to marry her, I am wide-eyed.

"Who in the right mind marries a guy who they've only known for like, two or three weeks?" I ask myself again. They are married by the end of the song, and I feel like puking.

"This is in the fucking musical? I'm going to have to pretend to marry him if I get that fucking role!" I tell Jane.

"But then again I did know that I guess I just hadn't processed it, or it seemed far away. But, there were so many other girls who were auditioning. I probably won't get the part," I justify. I listen. The next song Eliza is in, it's about her being pregnant! I wish I could die in that second.

I keep listening. I was right. This Hamilton guy does cheat on his wife with a total bitch. Like who the hell? Does he not see how amazing, a little cliche, and caring his wife is. Like what the fuck? The fucking 1700s men think they can do whatever the fuck they want. Well, I wouldn't have taken that shit. I would have asked for a divorce.

I cry. In one of the songs I cry. Eliza and Alexander' eldest son die. All because retarded Alexander let him get into a duel.

"Fucking 1700s men," I repeat between tears. Jane stares at me, and comes and puts her front leg on my lap as if comforting me. In her mind, I am actually upset about something real, otherwise, I would not be crying. Though she doesn't understand the difference between crying about a show, book, or anything like that, and between crying about something serious.

"Don't worry, its just the song. About a child dying, and his mother's reaction," I say as I start to tear up a bit again.

The next song is about how Alexander tries to win Eliza's trust back. Her forgiveness is shown when near the end, she says it's quiet uptown, which is the title and what Alexander keeps singing. I don't know if I could forgive him so easily if I were her. I mean, he killed his son. Not literally, but he knew he was going to that duel.

One of the last songs is about Aaron Burr challenging Alexander to a duel. The one after that one is pretty short. But it seems very meaningful. Eliza keeps telling him to go back to sleep because of it so damn early. But he insists on staying awake, and then before she leaves, he says that she is the best of wives and best of women.

In the next song, there is talk about the duel, and how Aaron and Alexander reflect on their lives and their goals, hopes, dreams, and fears. Then Alexander is shot. Burr reflects on what happens after he shoots Alexander, and Alexander dies.

The last song starts with George Washington, then Jefferson, and Maddison, after that is Angelica and Burr. Then the whole cast, until finally its only Eliza.

She sings about the things she accomplishes, her sister, who's a story she tells, and how she hopes she does enough. It's funny, actually, how she does everything to keep the legacy alive of all the people she loves and cares about. How she does everything so proper remember them, and on the way, people remember her. She makes her own legacy.

When the song is brought to a close, I am left impacted. Though this is a story about someone who did great things and is on the ten dollar bills, it has a lot of meaning to it. People actually relate to this. To feel like an orphan, you don't need to actually be one, you just need to feel it. You just need to feel hopeless, and alone, and abandoned, left on your own. And you feel like an orphan. Yes, I have parents, but do they exist in my world? No.

When I check the time on my phone before I realize that time was on the computer too, I've been listening to Hamilton songs for like a good two hours. I feel exhausted. When the music finishes, the silence is too much to bear.

I fall asleep listening to more music. Songs that were eliminated, changed, added, and I go into other musicals that seem interesting too. I don't dream of anything. It's like my brain shuts down, and I appear in an endless black void as far as the eye can see. I don't know how long I sleep.

The thing is, I don't like to go to sleep. I know I need to sleep, and so that's why I go to bed, but I don't look forward to sleeping, except when I am absolutely tired. However, when I need to wake up, I want to keep sleeping. So when I feel someone trying to wake me up, I try to ignore it and keep sleeping. But they insist.

I try to stall and keep my eyes closed as long as possible my yawning and stretching. I rub my closed eyes and stretch my arms until I start to sit up. I open my eyes abruptly when the person puts a hand on my waist, and the other one around on my back. I tense up, I relax a little when I realize it is Peridot.

"Peridot. You're supposed to be in your house, you're sick, aren't you?" I say, I know he's sick. Luke wouldn't lie to me.

"I just, I, I, needed to explain. Explain-" its obvious he's a mess. He either ran, is extremely nervous, or is extremely sick he can't even talk. His voice is a little cracked, but he is understandable.

"Explain what? How you're rich and said nothing?" I didn't say it intentionally, but I guess I am upset about that fact. I push him away.

"I had a reason. Everything I do is for a reason, I," I interrupt again.

"I know. Everything you do is to shape the future you want," I respond trying to remember his exact words.

"Lazuli," he says. I don't look at him, I turn to my computer and turn it off. It's around seven. My parents will be home in less than an hour. I ignore Peridot.

"Lazuli," he says again. I still don't look at him.

"Lazuli!" he takes my arm and pulls me to face him. I get scared for a second, alarmed, I remember something I can't seem forget. He sees I'm scared, the frustration in his eyes softens, his grip stays, but he doesn't squeeze.

"Sorry, it's just, I didn't tell you, because I didn't want it to affect us. Make you look at me differently. And for the fact, I'm not rich, Stephen is," he says.

"If he's your stepdad then you are. Thanks for telling me," I say. I start to turn around, but he stops me. I turn to look at him again. If you didn't look closely, you wouldn't think he was sick.

"My mom married that guy. I still have my biological dad's last name. I don't care for either of them. I only care about you," I let the word sink in. I process all the attention and weird affection.

"Then why didn't you tell me? If you supposedly care so much about me, why would you hide something like this from me?" I ask. I don't understand why I am so upset, but I am. And I'm letting him know I am upset. He is a friend, that's all, and as a friend, he shouldn't have to lie to me.

"I didn't know it would be this important. If I had known I would have told you, but it seemed unrelated. I, just, I. Fuck being sick! You know I had this whole speech planned out about what I was going to say. And now, I forgot. I-look! All that's important is what I feel for you. I know it's probably the most cliche phrase ever used, but I love you. I'll show it to you in a million ways, I love you. And I'll never get tired of saying it, but I'm a little sick, and I didn't want to talk much," I stare up at him as he speaks. I crack a smile at that last part. I like this attention. I know I shouldn't but feels nice. To be honest, I like it when he says he likes me. I know I shouldn't.

He puts his hand on the sire if my face. His thumbs in front of my ear, his fingers between the loose hairs of my messy blue bun.

"I wish you could trust me. If you let me love you. If you let yourself be loved, I know you'd feel the same way for me," he says. He's so damn close.

"If I wasn't sick, Id kiss the hell out if you," he says.

"Too bad for you, but my salvation," I say.

"So you forgive me?" he asks.

"I guess. But you have to promise not to ever lie or hide anything like that from me again," I say.

"You already know I love you," he says with that flirtatious smirk. I push him back, but I want him to keep going.

"Promise it, or leave," I say.

"Okay. For you, Lazuli, anything," he says making an X over his heart.

"That's from a movie. A goddess swears to a pirate a promise about something I forgot, I just know it was a promise," he says.

"Fine. But you have to leave, my parents are coming home soon," I say turning around and taking my computer.

"Fine, but, I want to talk about this more, tomorrow. I want to explain," he says.

"Okay, but go," I say, I say smiling at him. He looks at me one more time before leaving. I close the curtains.

I remember one of the songs I was listening to earlier. I know my life is not a musical, but it works for this moment. It doesn't show what I really feel, but I guess it gets part of it out there. I look at Jane.

"I'm helpless," I sing lowly and slow, just in case he is still outside.

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****He-e-ey!****I absolutely adore Hamilton! Who would be crazy not to? But everyone has their own likes and dislikes and I do not discriminate!****So, how do you all like this chapter? Do all like the progression between Lapis and Peridot? How about Peridot being rich? Well, his stepdad technically. What about the part where Amethyst ditches Lapis at the doorbell? When everyone shook their heads telling her not to go with her?****Let me know! Have a good night/day, ya'll know what comes next!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Warning: Kind of a long chapter. Just so you all know. This is the longest Chapter so far.**

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

**History Sings to You****(Part 3)**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

I wake up the next day. I get ready for another repeating Tuesday just like the week before. I make my not perfect but good enough bun of blue hair like every day. I take my pill, I decide to have breakfast. Ever since Peridot told me about how skinny I was, I've given second thoughts to my eating habits. The oast few months he has shown he cares about me, and maybe he's right. Maybe I should start to take more care of myself. I can't believe I never listened to my doctor, but I've listened to a boy who is a player and flirts with me.

After breakfast, I do everything I need to and then leave after saying bye to Jane.

Homeroom is boring as usual. Peridot arrives at the same time as always. We talk more about yesterday's topic, and I ask how he's doing.

"A lot better, but to be honest I'd be better if I was one hundred percent okay, or if a certain girl decided to be my girlfriend," he says, looking at me with that smirk. That very sly and mischevious smirk. This is the first time he mentions that. He's mentioned other things, all the time, but never once has he mentioned the word girlfriend. I think.

"I think you're better already," I say. Every other class goes as usual, which I am happy about. After the nerves of yesterday, I'm glad Peridot back. And if I'm honest, in science, and sometimes math, I really do need him. And during science, while we are supposed to be working, he starts talking to me.

"So, ready for auditions?" he asks. I become puzzled.

"What auditions?" I ask.

"You don't remember?" he asks again.

"Why the hell would I ask what auditions if I knew hat auditions you were talking about?" I whisper scream.

"Did you not read the recall paper?" he asks me.

"No, I don't even remember where I put it," I say.

"You're telling me, you do not that today, you must stay after school?" he asks slowly, though I know he already knows the answer to that.

"I said, no," I respond with the same tone.

"Alright, Lazuli," he says. He continues to write, and that lets me know that he has a plan up his sleeve, I hate knowing that. I try to do the questions on my own, and I am able to do a few of them by myself. Those I don't know, I ask Peridot, and he tells me without question. We go over it. I am called on for one, and though I know Peridot is never wrong in the questions I ask him, I answer with doubts. I get it right, and Mr. Lacassio makes me answer the next one too. I get it right, and then he goes to someone else.

I try to remember where I put that damn permission slip. I don't go anywhere with it. Some of the songs from the musical, I kind of like. And I have them stuck in my head. Though I may have forgotten the tune and the words, I honestly liked them. I just can't believe the role I have to play. It's an important role. I mean, if I get the role, I'd be singing almost three songs practically on my own. I remember the last song is almost all Eliza. Helpess is almost all her too. Burn is all her. I don't know why, but I loved the song Burn.

In math, the teacher shows us how to do the math and then we do it. Peridot and I talk, he finishes the work, and he does it so fast, but he never raises his hand to answer unless he is called on. I just don't raise my hand in general, regardless if I am the only person with the right answer. That has nothing to do with it. Since Peridot and I sit in the back, in math, like in science, we whisper talk. The students in the front talk with the teacher asking then the most stupid questions of what if, it's hilarious. Both of us also make stupid comments, but of what they say. We joke between us, ignoring that the bell rings in less than three minutes, and the next class we have, we don't have it together. People start to pack up, we laugh silently. It's a shame that the next class we have together is lunch. And that's like in two periods, which is about ninety minutes. Then I have Spanish, and he has French, then we both have ELA. I have social studies last. Spanish is pretty easy. I just need to get better at pronouncing them. I need to get a Spanish accent. I have a perfect one hundred in Spanish. It's pretty easy, to be honest.

In Spanish, all we do is learn about the words, the grammar, the conjunctions, and it is a little similar to English. Some words anyways. Others, not so much. But all you have to do is do your homework/classwork, participate, and pay attention in class. Then your all set. I took the proficiency last year. Though I feel Spanish is easier to learn than any other language, though of course, that is my opinion.

The two periods before lunch, go bt real slow. I'm not sure how teachers handle teaching the same thing period after period while dealing with ignorant, dirty, kids. They have my respect, except if they are just straight up assholes. Then I feel bad for their families. Teachers must receive an award or something. They teach the future leaders of the nation. And then they get some bum pay. My social studies teacher told the class once that teacher protested about something. They didn't attend the school, but I forgot what happened and why they were protesting.

I get hungry and I realize I shouldn't have had breakfast. I feel like I'm going to puke. Blue, who sits in front of me gives me candy she brought. I try to put it in my mouth when the teacher isn't looking. And I try to not make it obvious that I am eating. She keeps giving me more. Na during the work period, we talk. She's a nice person. I guess a friend, but I still don't trust her.

In lunch, we sit again with all our friends. I don't get lunch. Everyone else does. And I aks Steven if I can have his orange. He doesn't hesitate to say yes. I thank him and peel it. I put the orange cover on his tray, and eat the rest of it. The first one I eat is a little sour, and I make that face everyone makes when they eat something sour.

"Sour?" Peridot asks me. He takes his and starts peeling.

"Yeah," I say. But I keep eating. My hands become a bit sticky. A minute later when I am done, I am about to get up to wash my hands.

"You want more?" he hands me the one he finished peeling.

"No, it's yours," I say.

"I know they're your favorite," he says, that sly smirk. I can't help but feel something inside of me. Like a spark. Or something, I don't know! I smile, and can't help but blush.

"Thanks," it's a tiny gesture, but it means a lot to me. Especially with what he said. Though it still surprises me how he knows.

"Anytime, Lazuli," he says.

"What is going on?" we turn to look at Amethyst, her smile is like that that inspires mischief and fear, fear that she intentionally misunderstands things. All of them turn to look at her.

"Guys do you not see what is going on? There is something between these two," she says pointing at us.

"What? No," I say. She smirks.

"She doesn't want to," Peridot says. I briefly turn to look at him. I try to make a face that says to shut the fuck up, but there aren't many ways to show that in a facial expression without words. Amethyst turns to Sapphire.

"Sapphire! Tell us," Amethyst demands. Sapphire waits a brief second before answering.

"I am afraid I cannot. Or things that should happen will not, and things that shouldn't will," she says. The way she speaks is very mysterious.

"You're all blind!" Amethyst says. It's quite funny because she says it referring to Sapphire. And her bangs cover her eyes.

"Okay, Amethyst. Why don't you calm down, and we talk about something much more interesting to everyone, which is not Lapis and Peridot's love life, which no one cares about," Ruby says. I thank her, though then realize what she said at last.

"State something better than being nosy in someone's love life," Amethyst says.

"Recalls?" Ruby says raising an eyebrow. Ruby and Sapphire smile at each other. It's kind of cute. Since they're both not very tall, it kind of looks adorable. They're as tall as Steven.

"Its a piece of cake," Amethyst says.

"We're practically musical veterans," Peridot says.

"Yes," Steven says. Everyone looks at him.

"What?" he asks.

"You're a sophomore. It's your second year in the musical," Amethyst says.

"You guys were all leads by your sophomore year," Steven defends.

"Wait, you guys have been leads for two years now?" I ask.

"Yeah," Peridot responds.

"So, you've never been in a musical?" Steven asks me.

"No," I say.

"So you wanted to try something new?" Ruby asks.

"Or what drove you to sign up?" Sapphire asks right after. They speak so fluently.

"Umm," I glance at Peridot from the corner of my eye, I smile slightly.

"A reckless and uncontrollable force drove me, to take such a drastic measure," I say, slowly. I see him smirk, that sly and mischevious smirk I know well. They're all confused.

"Very good answer," he whispers, hoping no one else hears. If I let my smile get any bigger, my face might hurt.

"Okay, and you've never danced?" Amethyst asks.

"No," I say.

"Have you ever watched a musical?" she asks.

"Umm, in my old schools, they did musicals, and I often went," I say. They did musicals in almost every single one of my schools.

"Sing," she says. I become perplexed.

"What?" I ask.

"Sing," she repeats.

"No," I say.

"If you won't sign inside your tiny group of trusted friends, how are you going to sing in front of five hundred people?" she asks. I want to snap back saying I don't really trust them, but that wouldn't be very nice, now would it? Especially after knowing them a while. I keep quiet.

"Stop it, Amethyst," Peridot comes to my defense.

"You guys are all so serious. You get worked up so easily," Amethyst says.

"Peridot's right. You're making Lapis uncomfortable," Steven says. Peridot's arm brushes against me, and I know what he means. I know him, maybe not perfectly, but I know him.

"Fine, whatever," she says. I continue to eat my orange while they talk about recalls. I've never been to one, and I'm actually quite nervous about it. If it's going to be dancing and singing, I don't want to make a fool of myself.

Spanish is easy. The Spanish teacher shows us a new verb, and we do the activities. We have to write a dialogue, which we have to perform tomorrow. The good thing is that the girl that sits next to me, is quiet, but damn smart. She had this great idea, and I've modified it just a little bit, to make it funny. We practice it, and we both laugh at the end.

Then I have ELA with Peridot. We have a Socratic seminar on the book, To Kill A Mockingbird. I'm put in the inner circle, which means I have to speak. Peridot is put with two people, one which is absent. He asks to be in the inner circle. The teacher very hesitantly accepts. He sits next to me.

"Hi beautiful," he says, in a low voice, so no one else hears.

"Hey," I respond.

"You ready?" he asks. I look at him with a bored face.

"Nope," I respond.

"Don't worry, I got you covered if they call on you," he says. I kind of thank him, and kind of not.

"Did you, come into the inner circle just to bug me?" I ask.

"Not everything is about you, Lazuli. But for the record, yes," he says grinning at me with the flirtatious look. I grin back.

"Fucking pervert," I whisper, jokingly.

"Love of my life," he also whispers.

The teacher silences the class, and she asks someone to have the hot seat, which basically the person who is in charge. Like says when we've exhausted a question, brings people into the conversation, stops to review good points, and also stop people when things will get out of hand. Peridot raises his hand eagerly, he almost jumps out of his seat. Only two other people raise their hands. One puts their hand down when they see Peridot with a raised hand, the other doesn't match Peridot's enthusiasm. The teacher looks between both of them before she hesitantly says Peridot's name.

"I always get my way," he says when he finally sits back down decently, as decent as Peridot gets, into his seat. I want to make a comment, but it'll be stupid.

"Okay, students. The first round will be eight minutes. Then we will have a small two-minute coaching break. Our Important Points person will write down any important or valuable points brought up by the pilots. Pilots don't be rude and give everyone a chance to speak. Outside people, be quiet, and if you need to pass a post it to your pilot do so in a quiet manner. After the first round, if you wish, you may switch and be pilot, outside people. You may start," the teacher finally finishes speaking, and Peridot starts talking. It's kind of hard to ignore him when he's right next to you and has a loud voice.

He starts off by saying what we will be discussing, he gives his opinion but gives no reason. Then another guy interrupts him and starts stating his point and his reasons why. Peridot stares at the guy, the look might not harm anyone and it might look like an innocent little smile. But when the guy looks at Peridot and hears the people whispering him to stop, I can tell his confidence starts to dwindle, because he slows, and loses courage, stopping completely. Peridot then continues. Once he finishes he asks the same guy who interrupted him only about ten seconds ago. He was challenging the guy. The thing is, the guy got scared.

We continue, and mostly the loud boys talk a lot, Peridot remains dominant of the conversation. I am once pulled into the argument, but I get out of it thanks to my evidence person who passes me something on a post-it and I just rephrase it. I smile after nervously. They move on. The argument starts to get heated when the timer rings. Everyone starts talking over the teacher who tells us we have two minutes for coaching, and that we are allowed to switch if we want to. I don't go to my coach and evidence, neither does Peridot. And I have to ask him.

"Why did that guy stop talking?" I whisper, eyeing the guy, but trying for him not to notice.

"Lazuli, you've been here for months, you should know this," he says. I look at him, he shrugs and answers.

"In this school, not to brag, or be cliche or anything, but I'm the king, Lazuli," he says, with that same sly smile, but a little different.

"And you're my protected," he says, putting his hand under my chin to make me look up at him. I quickly push him away in a secretive manner so no one notices.

"Look, we can play this game all you want in my house, but in public nothing about touching me," I say firmly, whisper screaming.

"As you wish," he says. Then someone taps Peridot's shoulder. We both turn around to see the kid in his group.

"What?" Peridot asks.

"I was wondering if maybe I could be in the inner circle, this round?" it sounds a lot like a question. Now I understand why.

"Than you should have asked the teacher to be in the inner circle, Mark," he then turns around.

"My name's not Mark," the guy says.

"I don't give a fuck, Mark," he says again ignoring the guy.

"Please?" the guy asks.

"Still don't care," Peridot repeats.

"But I-" Peridot doesn't let the guy finish as he turns around to face him and says-

"Look, Mark, I think you were there when I fought Jasper weren't you? Yeah, you don't want to finish as he did, now would you?" he asks. It feels like a threat. The guy keeps quiet.

"Now be a good evidence person, and sit down, with your bright orange post-its," he says. He turns back around to face me.

"You shouldn't have done that," I say.

"I know, but I did. And I'm not going to apologize," he says it so plainly.

"Peridot, listen to me. You shouldn't go around telling people that you're going to beat them up," I say. I'm not really sure if he'll listen to me. He always says how he likes me, but doesn't always listen to me. He looks at me hesitantly, looks away, then turns back to me.

"There's a fair, next week. It's on every year, for two to three days. Go with me, and I promise I'll stop challenging every person who stands up to me," he says. I'm fucking stupid. Him fighting with other people is not really my problem. What is my concern is him, how he looked last time he fought. He had bruises and a cut lip. And what topped it off is how he smelled like alcohol. If that's how he looked like when he wins the fight, I don't even want to imagine how he looks like when he loses. Of course, he wouldn't do anything just because I ask it of him. But then again, I have nothing to do. I'm technically free.

"Think of the people you'll spare from pain," he says. I hesitate. I'm not sure of what I do.

"Fine," I say. He takes my hand thanks is under the desk, where no one sees. I take it away from him and put them on top of the desk.

"I told you, no," I say. He smirks.

"Well, I promise, Lazuli," he says. The teacher interrupts us and begins to tell us the rules for the second round. It will last two more minutes than the first round, and a lot of other things I don't bother to pay attention to, because I know they're not really important. Peridot begins, again. And I am pulled into the conversation. I just say a thing or two about what they're saying, and I'm done. I've completed my goal. Talking at least once in each round. I've even gone further and talked three times. For homework, all we have to do is complete the reflection sheet. I say bye to Peridot, and I am off to Social Studies.

Social Studies is easy and gives by pretty fast. Amethyst doesn't talk about what happened in lunch, and I'm honestly glad she doesn't. She tries to do some of it on her own, which I tell her I am proud of, however, one those she doesn't know she copies. I don't mind.

When the bell finally rings, I am out of there. I go straight to my locker, I take my time, also giving Peridot time to get over there so we can go to recalls together, but I still don't have the paper. I put all of my things in my locker and search the whole locker, my backpack, and my pockets. Maybe I don't need it, maybe I can just go home. But I go crazy looking for it, and panic goes through all of my nerves, a chill that shakes my spine. It makes the skin under my sweater feel cold. A paper is slipped in front of my face, and I look up, then turn to see Peridot.

"Alright," he says. He has a copy of the recall permission slip.

"That's the same thing you said earlier," I say. He smirks.

"I know, Lazuli," he says. I laugh.

"Kind of cliche," I say.

"Says the one who calls me Prince Charming," he says I blush and put a face, "Now give me a paper with your parents' signature on it, any of the two,"

I don't ask why. I just look through my backpack for any paper. Luckily, I find a few. I decided to go with my dad's signature. Since its simpler, and if my dad is called, he won't get me in trouble. He'll just talk to me, and ask me about what's going on. But I don't think they'll call him.

Peridot takes the paper and outs it under the other permission slip and takes out his phone from his pocket. I stare at his phone and look around thinking that maybe someone is behind us and will take it. Things don't always result to have such great endings, and plans don't always work. My doubt makes me stand closer to him as if to cover up his phone he's using to forge my dad's signature. I suddenly feel a bit guilty. My dad would never hurt me in any way. He's a dad version of Luke you could say. I wonder how Luke will be when he has kids.

"Are you done yet?" I whisper.

"Just about. Just put your dad's phone number, and that's it," he says handing me the paper. I quickly write it down with the pen he gives me. My hand holding the pen shakes as I write. I've never done anything like this.

"You're a bad influence," I say.

"I know," he says, with that sly smirk. The thing is, he only smirks like that with me. and I'm secretly happy about that.

"Please put that phone away," I plead.

"Why?" he asks.

"I just thought I could expect something nice of you without having to do anything for it," I say trying to look like an innocent victim. I'm teasing him, but I really do want him to put that phone away. He thinks about it for a second, but he makes a smart decision and puts it away.

"Okay. Shall we?" he asks, though I know it's just a let's get going.

"Okay," I say walking past him. There are fewer people, most have left. Some are just walking slow, others I'm sure are here for rehearsals.

"How confident are you about getting that role?" I ask.

"I'd almost bet my love for you," he says.

"I told you, not here," I remind him.

"Someday, Lazuli," he says. I just roll my eyes. We find a line. A big line. Similar to the one from last time. We find Luke and Scarlett together again, we go to them, skipping the entire line, to almost be front with a few groups of friends keeping us from the front.

I look at them. Luke blushes like crazy, and he looks so nervous, he's still smiling though. Scarlett is leaning close to him, something is happening between those two.

"Luke, Scarlett," Peridot says. They turn to us.

"Where's Amethyst, Steven, Sapphire, and Ruby?" he asks them.

"Oh, they're-they're-" Luke starts.

"They're somewhere in the back," he points to the back.

"Why?" he asks.

"Don't know. them we'ed be near rhe front waiting for them and the two of you, but they never showed up. They just stayed back there I guess," she says. Her British accent makes her seem so sophisticated.

"It's fine. We'll see them tomorrow anyway," Peridot replies. I just stand there.

"Hi-Hi, Lapis," Luke says. I smile.

"Hey, Luke," I respond. There is a minute of silence and its piercing.

"So, umm...what exactly will we do?" I ask.

"It's different every year, the only thing that's similar, is that there are dancing and singing involved," Scarlett says.

"It's my first time," I say.

"I remember my first time. Do our remember our first time Luke?" Scarlett, she turns to face Luke. He smiles.

"Of course. You-you were... amazing," he says.

"You too. And well, Peridot, we weren't here when you had your first audition," she says.

"It's fine. I was great. Took a few minutes of practice, but I got it," Peridot says.

I stand there looking at them. I smile. Luke and Scarlett obviously like each other. I wouldn't doubt it very much. I'm pretty sure Peridot knows, Luke is his brother, I'm sure Peridot knows. And then I wonder once again if Luke knows about what goes on between Peridot and I. I mean, nothing intimate goes on, but I wonder if Peridot tells Luke that he likes me. I don't have to be the main topic of the conversation, but I would like to know if he has ever mentioned anything. And if he has, I would like to know what exactly. So then, I can kill him.

We wait another minute or so, I listen as they talk, just standing the in the dreadful line. I remember standing on the other dreadful line from last time. sure how long I was standing. I'm sure it was only about two hours. But it felt like forever. Just thinking about having to endure another two hours of standing, dancing, and singing. And I'm hungry! I need food.

"Is anyone else hungry?" I ask. The three of them nod in agreement.

"I need food," I say.

"We-we all do," Luke says. They nod and make comments agreeing with what Luke just said.

"Why don't we go for pizza after recalls?" Scarlett asks.

"Sounds good," Peridot says.

"Pizza!" Luke yells.

"I guess," I say. We all agree to go after. At least it won't last long like the movie we went to last time. We decide it to be just the four of us again, though we do debate on whether or not we should ask the others to come too. They say no, and so it will only be the four of us again. We continue to talk until we hear someone trying to make everyone be quiet. I stop talking and tell them to be quiet. After the hallway is almost completely silent, they stop talking.

"Good evening. If you are here it is because you were given a recall paper, and you have it signed by a parent or guardian. I will ask you to please hand it to me when I tell you too.

"Now, you will all be separated into groups based on character. Please understand, just because we have put you in a certain character's role does not mean that you might not be a different character. I will ask for everybody's cooperation, so please be silent when I ask you too. This year's recall will be a little different due to the musical we will be doing, so, please be quiet and do as you are told.

"You will all be separated into groups. There are about 100 of you, and I only need about thirty-seven to forty of you. The dance teacher, Ms. Hanson, will be teaching you the dances. I will be teaching the songs, along with the chorus teacher, Mr. Watterson. When I call you to your groups, give me your permission slip," Jamie finishes.

He starts to call names as I look at the permission slip in my hand. They won't tell the difference, I say to myself.

They call the first couple of groups, Peridot and Luke leave with them. That's pretty much every boy. Scarlett and I stay close to each other, waiting for either of our names to be called. They call her name, and I am left there waiting. She's not in my group. Then my name is called, I give in my permission slip. He doesn't even look at it, just takes it. I wonder how he can hold a hundred permission slips and a clipboard at the same time.

Then he calls Blue's name. We're in the same group. I'm happy to be at least with one familiar face.

"Hey, Lapis," she says. I say hi too. We try to keep quiet while Jamie, her boyfriend, calls people to their groups.

After a few more minutes, we are divided. There are individual groups, but all the groups are categorized in either Group A or Group B. I'm in group B, so my group of two more girls and other groups wait. Group A goes into the auditorium, while we stand outside. Peridot and Luke are in Group A. That consists of almost all the boys, and a few girls. Now it's basically almost all girls. I turn to Blue.

"So, what are we doing?" I ask her. Her boyfriend is the director, she must know.

"We're basically grouped together by who he thinks is well equipped for what character. I know he's my boyfriend, but he told me I have a good chance of being who I auditioned for," she says, I can feel a hint of pride in her voice.

"And who are you auditioning for?" I ask her.

"Angelica," she responds in a sing-song voice. I turn to the other girl in our group, she's about an inch smaller than I am. Her hair is black, and she has big brown eyes. He hair is down right under her shoulders, it's in curls.

"What's your name?" I ask.

"Olivia," she says.

"Who did you audition for?" Blue asks.

"Peggy, but mainly Maria Lewis Reynolds. I feel like being a bitch to someone this year, even if its just acting," she says pulling of a mischievous smile. Then she asks which one of us is Eliza Hamilton. I hesitate.

"I'm not here voluntarily. My friend signed me up before I even knew there was a musical," I say.

"You do look like an Eliza," Olivia says.

"True," Blue agrees with her.

"Then I guess we're doing the Schuyler Sisters then. There isn't another song where it's just the three of them," Olivia states. I look at Blue.

"He didn't specify. I'm auditioning, after all, I can't know. Jamie doesn't make any exceptions for me, he loves acting and takes it seriously. Sometimes it's annoying," she whispers the last part. We talk amongst ourselves for the next few minutes. We joke around, and we get bored. We get to know each other. After about a good fifteen minutes, the doors of the auditorium finally open. The boys and few girls come out and we are brought into the auditorium. We are separated and half of us go up front to the front, the other half stays in the back, but we still remain with the members of our three people group.

My group and I stay in the back, with who I assume is Mr. Watterson. He doesn't look like a chorus teacher, he looks more like some sophisticated businessman.

"Okay, I know you girls are in groups of three, but I want to separate all of you into two groups consisting of people who can sing high notes and people who can sing low notes," he says. How many fucking groups are they making? Mr. Watterson tells us to go to either of the groups depending on how high or low we can sing. I honestly can sing pretty high, but I can also sing pretty low. But too many people are in the low part, so I go to the high group. Blue and Olivia are there with me, at least I know one person here so I don't feel so awkward.

Everyone is given a small slip of paper with lyrics written on them. The title of the song is written on the top: The Schuyler Sister. Olivia was right. The page is divided into three columns Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy, the three of them don't say rhe exact same thing and rhe exact same time. It actually looks pretty confusing.

"Okay, how many of you have listened to the original cast recording of the Schuyler Sisters?" he asks, almost three-quarters of everyone raises their hand, including Blue, Olivia, and I. I can't believe people audition for musicals they haven't watched. I guess I did, but I did not audition willingly, now did I?

"Okay, I can't sing everything that's on there, so I will sing each part individually. ThIs sing is more complicated than the one with the boys. Do you guys know who you are? I'll just read it anyways," he takes out a clipboard and starts saying names and the characters that they are. He calls mine, I'm Eliza, Blue being Angelica, and Olivia being Peggy. Once he's done, he sings the first part, which is only Eliza.

"Look around, look around, how lucky we are to be alive right now!" He gives both the highs and lows their part. The high part sounds more like the musical one. Then he tells us to sing it, only the Eliza's of course. Then he tells all the Peggy's to join in singing the same thing. He tells us to sing it all together. First the Eliza's, then Peggy's join in. Then he sings the next part where all three of us sing.

"History is happening in Manhattan and we just happen to be in Greatest City in the world! In the greatest city in the world!" he sings, the second greatest city in the world with more energy. He lets us try, this time everybody sings. My voice isn't so loud as a lot of other girls' voice, but I sing clearly, and I feel like I'm singing correctly.

"Okay, now sing everything, I just taught you," he. says. And we do. I don't really put much effort into it. This seems stupid and embarrassing. He teaches us the next part, which is a little all over the place. He teaches a separate part to the Angelica's, I like her part.

"I've been reading common sense by Thomas Paine. Some men say that I'm intense or I'm insane. You want a revolution I want a revelation, so listen to my declaration," Then he teaches us our part.

"Look around, look around, the revolutions happenin' in New York! Look around, in New York!" Then we try to sing it all at the same time. While all of Angelica's sing their parts, we sing ours. However, we all get mixed up because we're singing different things and the voices of the Angelica's are very loud. Blue's voice is pretty but fierce. I can see why she auditioned for Angelica. With some practice, I bet I can get my voice to sound like that. But, I guess Olivia is right, my voice does sound like Eliza's in the original cast recording. Not exactly, and I don't want to brag, but my voice isn't that bad for say. I think this is the most I've ever sung in my life.

I try to keep my voice low, though. I don't want to draw any attention to myself. It's not like I can get my voice to so loud as the others. I think I'd practically be screaming the lyrics if I did. We try to sing everything we've learned again.

Eliza-

Look around, look around, how lucky we are to be alive right now!

Eliza and Peggy-

Look around, look around, how lucky we are to be alive right now!

Schuyler Sisters

History is happening in Manhattan and we just happen to be in the Greatest City in the World!

In the Greatest City in the World!

Angelica-

I've been reading common sense by Thomas Paine,

some men say that I'm intense or I'm insane!

You want a revolution, I want a revelation, so listen to my declaration!

Eliza and Peggy-

Look around, look around, the revolutions happenin' in New York!

Look around, look in New York!

"Very good. You guys are picking it up pretty quick. In another minute, you guys will go to the piano and practice there," he says. I smile to myself feeling rhe smallest bit of pride. He teaches us the next part in which all three of us are in too. And we sing.

Schuyler Sisters-

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal!

Look around, look around, how lucky we are to be alive right now!

History is happening in Manhattan and we just happen to be, in the Greatest City in the World!

In the Greatest City in the world!

Work, Work,

Angelica-

Angelica

Eliza-

Eliza

Peggy-

And Peggy

Schuyler Sisters-

The Schuyler Sisters!

"Great! You girls got it! Now, sing it one more time before you girls head to the piano with Jamie," Mr. Watterson says. And we do, we sing it one more time. After that, I am a little bored. Then they tell us to switch. We go to the piano and the girls from the piano come over here. Then we literally just sing the exact same thing. Jamie fixes some things, but it's mostly just singing with the piano. After those everlasting fifteen minutes, we go outside. The boys with those few girls, which I now realize are my friends, step aside practice some dancing and staging, I think. I spot Peridot, but he's very into what he's doing, whatever that is. I decide to ignore that the fact that he exists too, the feeling is mutual.

The dance teacher introduces herself, but I mostly ignore that. Who the fuck ever listens when teachers introduce themselves? To think I want to be that teacher that is always ignored by her students. Then she starts showing us some dancing. She tells us to get into our groups of three. Then she gives us instructions. Eliza, being the first one to sing, is alone when she sings that. So I am separated from Blue and Olivia just for the first part of the lyrics. Then she tells Peggy to jump in, by running to Eliza and putting her back against Eliza's. Then once that is done we, walk in a circle slowly, back to back while singing. After that, all of the Angelicas are told to walk calmly but fast enough to get to us on time. Peggy and Eliza separate, the three of us stand facing each other in a tiny circle. We extend our hand and fold them upwards after our elbow, all three of our arms barely an inch from each other. We walk in our circle while singing the part where there is a lot of emphasis on the h of every word.

After that, we sing rhe first Greatest City in the World, we all line up in our groups. Angelica in the middle, Eliza to her right, and Peggy to her left. Eliza and Peggy walk away from Angelica while maintaining our focus on the invisible and probably ungrateful audience. We take three big steps. While Angelica stays where we were. Olivia and I are about six or seven, maybe more, feet away, but parallel to each other. Ms. Hanson tells us Peggys and Elizas to hold an invisible skirt and sway it. I just do as told, though I hesitate a good damn lot because of the embarrassment. The only good that every other girl is embarrassing themselves too.

Angelicas sing their part while acting all witty and sassy owning this damn song, Blue especially, and not just because she's my friend. I try to give this a shot, though I probably make a fool of myself. I don't know how the other girls look so natural and unembarrassed. I'm fucking smiling from the nerves. I probably look like some fucking dog doing some shitty imitation of the penguin walk or something more embarrassing.

Once we are done with our separate parts, Peggys and Elizas move discreetly towards Angelica backward while swaying some invisible dress. We are taught the next part. Together in our groups, we move both our hands to our waist on the left side. We out our left hands on our waist and then just put our right hand on top of our left hand. Then we make a full 360 circle with our arms. After the self-evident part, Peggys and Elizas take hands. Honestly, that is very uncomfortable, I feel my hands are hot and sweaty. We list our arms up as if we were playing London Bridge. We learn, then we practice. Blue passes under our arms and takes my left hand, and Olivia's right hand. That concludes the men created equal part, Blue then pulls us by our hand and take three large steps towards the front.

Schuyler Sisters-

Look around, look around, how lucky we are to be alive right now!

Our right leg, we stomp it on the ground in harmony while having our hands on our hips. While we sing the h part again, we snap our fingers with every h while we move. Blue just steps forward, I move left, while Olivia moves right, all of us in small steps. When we sing the Greatest City in the World, Blue puts her hands out to her side, palms out and fingers stretched. Both Olivia and I, in an exaggerated way, almost high fiving Blue, take her hand that is at my side. Then she lifts them up. Then Ms. Hanson gives us a choice. She tells us to make a pose according to the time period and our character. However, Peggys have to do something different. Blue and I decide what we're going to do. She makes a very witty yet concealed pose and sings Angelica, while I just put my right hand on my hip, and my other arm is outstretched down, and I also sing my characters name. Both of us stand close to each other, to gives Olivia her entrance. After we are done, she pushes us out of the way and sings her and Peggy part which is hilarious. I then take her hand and twirl Olivia while I walk discreetly towards Blue to stand next to her. Then, we sing the Schuyler Sister, and we are done.

They let us practice for a few minutes. Then they call the boys and few girls into the auditorium again. And we are left outside to practice that whole chunk to dance and lyrics. I forget some parts, but Blue and Olivia help me, and I help them if they forget something. Blue seems like an expert at this. I asked her if she had previously auditioned for the musical in the past years, she tells me only since she became a sophomore, and she met Jamie. She tells me she was thinking if quitting the show, but after getting to know Jamie, she decided to please him and stay there. Then she asks me why I decide to audition, I tell her the same thing I told Olivia earlier, Peridot signed me up, I'm not here on free will. Then she asks that fucking damn question:

"Are you and Peridot dating?" she asks. I blush, and I sort of laugh and sort of smirk.

"What? No! Never in a million years!" I say. She smiles, Olivia decides to join the conversation.

"You mean the blond? He's hot. And damn ass tall. In my opinion, you should just say yes. Even if it's not true," she says.

"No, I just don't like him," I say.

"Every girl would be his girlfriend if they had the chance," Olivia says.

"Except us who are already in a commitment," Blue says almost immediately.

"Girl, if you can get a guy, get one. You don't want to be single your whole life. I've never had a boy ask me out once. You should hurry before someone beats you to it," Olivia says.

"No. We are friends, I just do-"

"If you're worried he's a player, which he actually sort of was, he hasn't gone to a single party in months. No knows why, or where he goes. But he didn't go to many parties before anyways," Blue explains. A single party? And no one knows where. Makes me sort of smile. The reason he doesn't go to parties and no one knows where he goes, is because he always hangs out with me. But then what Blue said at the beginning makes me reconsider.

"Wait, he was-" I say, but I'm interrupted by Olivia.

"Wouldn't blame him. These parties have shitty music, and the beer is fucking cheap. The apple juice my sober friend always brings is better. But, I still drink it, and I still go," Olivia says.

"Well, unless you're twenty-one or older you can't even buy beer," Blue says.

"Then how do they get it?" Olivia asks her.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" Blue asks smiling

"I don't know," Olivia responds.

"Me neither," Blue says. l don't say anything at this point. We practice.

About half an hour later of fifteen percent practicing and the rest talking of things that have nothing to do with dancing or singing, the boys come out, and after a minute or two, they herd us girls into the auditorium. They again separate us into two groups while still being with our trio. Group A, which is my group goes first. I get nervous. The stage seems bigger when you're actually on stage. There's so much space. It makes me feel so tiny, and all the more nervous. They tell us the first time is going to be with the piano. And the second will be just us singing and dancing without the piano. Then group B will go next. At least I'm not the only person on the stage, a lot of other people are on stage.

Jamie gets on the piano and gives us a small intro, before telling us to start. Once he gives us our cue, Elizas, including me, start singing. Then Peggy's, then all three of us. Blue, Olivia, and I smile, trying not to laugh, and trying not to stop singing. After that, we try again, without the piano. Jamie goes and sits with Ms. Hansen and Mr. Watterson a few rows from the front. Blue tries to wave at him, but I don't think he sees her. She tries to ignore it, but I notice. Ms. Hansen counts us in, and I don't even know on what step or number amount or whatever we're supposed to come in on. I just follow everyone else. We dance and sing. It went by faster than I thought it would. Then, group B goes on stage. Jamie goes to the piano, and then they do whatever the hell they are supposed to do. I whisper talk to Blue and Olivia because we can't speak, apparently, if you speak while being in the audience, we aren't a good audience. But honestly, I think that's just bullshit. We're teenagers, it's like telling Peridot to stop flirting with me, you can say it as many times as you want, but teenagers are stubborn as fuck.

When group B is done, he calls everyone off stage, then he calls other people on stage. I save myself by a landslide. However, after they sing a dance again, a few girls are called off stage, and some are called on. Including Blue, Olivia, and I.

"Shit," I mumble to myself as I get up and onstage.

I try to get it over with. After, more people are called off, and more people are called on. After various times of performing the part, and replacing people, we are still up there. My feet start to hurt. He writes things on his clipboard. Then before I know it, they let all of us off stage.

"You can all leave now, the cast paper should be up no later than Thursday," Jamie says. I check my phone, 4:30. I sigh of relief as everyone walks toward the doors. I walk with Blue and Olivia.

"See you guys, got to catch my friend," Olivia says before she disappears into the crowd of girls.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow Lapis. Im going to go with Jamie," Blue says. We say bye, then I am alone as I go through the doors. I spot Scarlett.

"Scarlett!" I say trying to get her attention.

"Thank goodness, one familiar face," she says as she walks to me, "Where are the boys?"

"I don't know," I say. We look around for a second, then we hear someone say our names. I know who it is before I see.

"Peridot," I say. Luke is beside him.

"How-how'd it go?" Luke asks.

"It was fun," Scarlett says. Peridot looks at me, waiting for me to answer.

"It was, very, uh...active," I say trying to look for the right word. I don't think I can remember any that.

"How did it go for you guys?" Scarlett asks them.

"It was fun too," Peridot answers.

"Agreed," Luke says.

"Okay, then let's go! I don't know about you boys, but I am starving. I've got some pizza with my name written all over it," she says taking Luke's arm as she starts walking. Peridot takes my arm, but I take it back gently.

"I said not in public,"

Then I start walking to my locker to get my stuff before we go get food.

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hi!****How are all of you? So, how did you all like this chapter? I tried to describe the dance as best as I could, but I think it sucked. You all got the general idea of what was going on anyway, right?****Anyways, have a great day/night, you guys all know what comes next!**


	28. Chapter 28

**If I Gave Him A Chance**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

We all get our things and meet up outside by the main entrance. When I step outside, the sun is only starting to set. As I carry my backpack, I play with the straps.

Im fucking tired.

But I guess it was a little fun. All that dancing, and singing, and memorizing. It felt like I was auditioning to be on Broadway. But I am nowhere near ready to be on Broadway, nor do I think I ever will. It's not even something I find myself doing in the future. I wonder what Peridot wants to be when he grows up. While we are walking behind Scarlett and Luke, I find myself inclined to ask.

"Peridot," I say.

"Hm?"

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" I ask.

"Definitely not a grown up," he says. I chuckle, "Their life seems too complicated."

"That's a great answer. But, for real, what do you want to be when you grow up?" I ask again. He takes a second to think it out.

"That's a very open-ended and complicated question. I think, maybe, I don't know. Maybe I want to be a lawyer," he says, really thinking it through. Im left startled, speechless. He doesn't look like the lawyer kind of person. The only thing lawyer related he knows how to do, is being stubborn. But I guess I can't judge, can I?

"You don't look like the lawyer kind of person. I can't really imagine you in a tux," I say.

"Ans who said I would wear a tux?" he asks with his usual flirtatious smirk.

"Isn't that what usual lawyers wear?"I ask.

"Yes. But that's the general public. You just have to look presentable," he says. I giggle.

"You wouldn't look bad in a tux," I say, giving him that tempting look. He looks at me.

"Really?" he asks, his mischievous grin lighting up with something different. With wonder.

"You don't seem like the type to wear a tux, doesn't mean you wouldn't look good in one," I say.

"You're going to be the death of me," he says taking my arm. I let him, but I keep my distance when he pulls me close.

"So, what do you want to be when you grow up?" he asks me. I take a minute to think too. I don't even know if I should answer.

"I don't know," I say.

"Don't you have a dream?" he asks.

"Not really. Well," I say, but then I look at him as if I had spoiled a secret. But then I decide I can trust him.

"I guess, I'd kind of like to be a teacher," I say.

"A teacher? Why?" he asks, a little confused.

"Well maybe you want to tell me if you won't let me fucking talk," I say in almost rhe same tone.

"Fine. Continue," he says.

"Okay, well. Honestly, I didn't know. I just like children. They don't judge, and they always say the truth," I say.

"Children can be annoying," he says. I look him up and down.

"I think you're a little too tall to be a kid, don't you think?" I ask teasingly. When he looks at me with that smirk, I smile at my own comment and look away.

"Okay, okay, I get it. What kind of teacher would you be?" he asks me. His fingers brush against mine.

"I don't know. The easiest subject for me is social studies,"

"I think you'd make a great teacher," he tells me, his voice low and flirtatious.

"But that's not what Im going to be," I say.

"Why not?" he asks me.

"It's complicated," I say. He gives me that look where he knows there's more.

"Okay. It's my mom," I say.

"Why is everyone scared of their mom?" he asks.

"You're scared of my mom," I say.

"Isn't everybody?" he says extending his arms. I laugh and hook my arm around his.

"I guess you're right. Even Jane is a little weary around her," I confess.

"Good to see the devil isn't invincible," he says.

"Don't call her that. She's like my sister," I say, "Anyway, how far is this pizza place we're going to?"

"By the beach. Since its sunset, it'll look beautiful," he says, almost bragging, then he looks at me, "Its almost as beautiful as you, except."

"Shut the fuck up," I whisper pulling on his arm. He chuckles.

"Okay," he says. Luke and Scarlett slow down and join us in our conversation. I ask them the same thing I asked Peridot earlier.

"M-me? I think I wa-want to be a mussic teacher," Luke answers giving it deep thought, "Or a... veterinarian."

"A veterinarian?" I ask.

"Yeah! I lo-love animals! It would be the perfect job for-for me! Except when I would have to...euthenize them,"

His innocence marvels me.

"Im sure if you became a veterinarian, Jane would love to go to the vet," I say. He smiles at me. Then I look at Scarlett who stands next to him, "What about you, Scarlett?"

"I'm not really sure, but I do love music. I've considered becoming a music teacher, or perhaps a Broadway orchestra violinist, but of course, that would be really hard to achieve. If all else fails, I want to be a psychologist/therapist," she says proudly.

"Why?" I ask.

"I want to help people," Scarlett says. Luke turns to look at her in admiration. They like each other.

"I admire you," I say.

"Thank you," she says.

"You guys know what she wants to be?" Peridot asks them.

"What?" they both ask, one after another.

"A teacher," he says. They both gasp.

"Oh no," Luke says.

"Oh my gosh! Lapis, you have earned my respect. I could not be so patient to deal with rude, and unrespectful children that wouldn't even be mine," she says.

"What-what kind of teacher?" Luke asks.

"Im not sure. Im best at social studies," I say.

"Thank goodness you won't be math or ELA teacher, I would not be able to stand it. However, social studies isn't that bad. It isn't my favorite subject, but it's a little funny. Right, Luke?" she asks turning to him.

"Ye-yeah," he says. I smile, though her response leaves me a little perplexed.

"However, you wouldn't get paid much," she adds.

"Who cares?" Peridot adds, "What's important is doing what gives you reason, instead of being someone else's reason."

I'm a little confused at first, but then I kind of get it. It's kind of confusing.

"I think thats the first reasonable thing that comes out of your mouth," I say meaning it as a compliment.

"I'm not all brawns, Lazuli. I got brains too," he says.

"I doubt that," I say elbowing him lightly.

We arrive at the pizzeria. We go inside and a bell goed off, I look and it does have one of thise anoying bells that rings every time someone comes in. Those are annoying and really loud. The girl at the counter seems unaffected, her eyes trace us. Her skin is brown, as her bored eyes, and short black hair. Her chin rests on the palm of her hand.

"Kiki!" Luke and Scarlett almost scream.

"Hey Luke, Scarlett," she says, smiling, but not really showing much enthusiasm.

"Hey Kiki," Peridot says, I see him wink at her. It makes me feel, I guess, it can't be. I can think it, unless someone here can read my mind. Very unprobably, but I am very paranoid. Am I jealous?

"Hi, Peridot," she say.

"Bored?" Luke asks her.

"Yeah. Work has been very slow the last week," she says. Then she stands and stretches.

"Okay. Anyways, what can I get you guys?" she asks.

"Give us a minute, Kiki," Peridot says.

"How did we come here and not talk about what kind of pizza we want?" Scarlett asks.

"We were talking about more important things," Peridot says.

"Mo-more important than fo-food?" Luke asks. Peridot nods, Scarlett and I smile.

"Thats a pretty deep question," Peridot says, "Well, you guys know my favorite is plain old cheese."

"I like pineapple," Luke says.

"We can order half Pineapple, half regular," Peridot says.

"Okay," Scarlett says. I dont say anything, and they're already ordering. But I dont care, I prefer regular too.

We all sit down at a table for four in the middle against the wall. I sit next to Peridot.

"So, what do you guys want to talk about now?" Peridot asks. We all say we don't know.

"How's life?" he asks.

"Great," Scarlett says.

"Mine too," Luke says.

"Could be better," I say.

"Mine too," he says looking at me. I know what he mean, I'm not sure if Luke or Scarlett know, but Peridot better not be saying anything we talk about to Luke.

"Are you guys together?" Scarlett asks Peridot and me. I blush.

"You know, Blue asked me the exact same thing," I say thinking of a witiful comback meant for Peridot.

"What did you say?" Scarlett asks again.

"No," I say, turning from Scarlett to Peridot, looking at him from under my bangs. He just grins at me.

"You two would be a little of an extreme couple if you were together. Not in the bad sense, you both of your personalities would just even each other out. If you ask me, you two would make a nice couple. Wouldn't they Luke?" she asks him. He thinks about it a second.

"Yeah, they they...actually would," he says. Its like the whole world is conspiring against me.

"Well, no. We are not together, and we never will be," I say.

"Damn, that's harsh," she says. Peridot gets up and brings each one of us a drinm. A minute later of us speaking of the subject, Kiki comes with the pizza. I don't know her, and I feel bad for her because I dont like her. And the only reason I don't like her, is because Peridot winked at her. He supposedly loves me, and flirts with other girls. What kind of love is that? He's a hypocrite.

I watch Peridot while she is here. I may not like Peridot, but if he says he loves me, than he shouldn't flirt with other girls. I'm jealous, but not because I like him. But because he's a hyposcrite. And no one needs to know I'm jealous, and no one will know, because if they do, they'll think it's because I like Peridot. But I dont! I look at the Pizza, they ordered a whole pie. But then again, we all are hungry. Peridot serves us on the paper plates, and Luke and Scarlett fight over the biggest piece.

"M-mine!" Luke says.

"Ladies first!" she yells. Peridot and I just watch as they fight. I use a napkin to try to take out some of the oil. Then I just watch. Scarlett ends up winning by taking a big bite into the pizza.

"You play play dirty," he says as he takes a different slice.

"Are they always like this?" I ask.

"No. Sometimes they fight over cookies," he says winking at me. I roll my eyes.

"I always win!" Scarlett says.

"Do you guys want garlic bread?" Peridot asks.

"Yes!" both Luke and Scarett practically yell.

"I've never tried it before," I say finishing the pizza in my mouth.

"Have you been living under a rock?" he asks me. Then he goes to the counter again. I discreetly watch from th corner of my eye as he talks to Kiki.

"So, where are you from?" Scarlett asks. The questions startled me.

"Where I come from? That's not important," I say hoping neither of them asks more questions.

"Of course it's important. It's always important to know from where one comes from, so we know where must and mustn't go," she says as if reciting some speech.

"The fuck?" I say marveled and confused.

"Scarlett O'Brian. My mom is from Britian, and my dad from Mexico, I was born here. I spent my first two in London before coming to America, and sometimes during vacations and either go to England or Mexico. Though I much prefer the beautiful culture of Mexico. Much more open and the fresh air when it rains. I can speak spanish too," she says. She just told me her whole life.

"I'm, umm, taking spanish," I say.

"Español es bien facil," Scarlett says.

"Oh, umm, si. Eso es sierto," I say hesitating a little. I can't pronounce it one hundred percent correctly, because I don't have the spanish accent Scarlett or my teacher have.

"That was correct," she says back in her british accent, "And you, Luke? Tell Lapis where you and Peridot's parents are from."

"Okay. Mo-mom is American, dad, he was...I'm not really sure. I think maybe he was Greek, or maybe I just want-want yogurt. I'm not really sure," he says. I feel bad. Peridot told me their dad left them. I think it's the first time he told me he was a fool. I can't imagine not knowing anything from a parent in years. They don't even know if he's still alive. A human being has to have such a cold heart to do such a thing to an innocent being. Marcy, her mom is Mexican. Her mom had her, I think at like 17 or 18. She's a single mother. He abandoned them, but she tells me her mom worked hard and fought to bring her back to America. She tells me her family was against her having her, though they eventually softened. Her mom is only about 17 years older than Marcy. It amazes me how a teenager with absolutley no support, manages to raise a child by themselves. So many people go through so many things every day, and so many people always tell me not to dwell in the past. But it's hard. Its not that simple, and its not easy at all. It's not like I want to remember something terrible that scarred me for life, it just comes whenever it wants too. It has a mind of it's own. If it were up to me, I would forget the last eight years of my life, but it's not up to me.

"Maybe we can buy you some yogurt after wards?" I say.

"Yes! Yogurt! Or maybe ice-ice cream? Or pop tarts? Or...chocolate? Or those butter loaf things that are...de-delicious!" Luke says before continuing to eat his pizza.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure your brother has enough," I turn to look at him. I hesitate to continue, "for even more than that."

I'm a girl. A really, deeply, scarred girl. And I'm a little cold, I'm nice when you get to know me, but in the end, I'm still a girl. And not just girls, any human being, needs affection. Some sort of love or warmth. Something to keep us hanging on, to let us know we're not alone, that we are worth something. Somd of us get too much, others don't get any. Other get lukewarm. I'm between lukewarm and none. When there is no affection, people try to find it. Some do, others don't and confuce it with something totally different. People settle with the first thing they find, afraid that that might be the only thing available.

Regardless of what kind of affection I recieve from Peridot, it's affection. And I, like many others, will take anything we got. Peridot isn't the perfect guy, but he had shown me he sincerely cares about me. Even though he flirts with a ton of other girls while saying he supposedly loves me. Jane gives me affection, and it's amazing. But it can' be compared to to human affection. But of course, that doesn't take the utterly annoying away from him.

"Yeah. Peridot is practically rich in cash. He use to work. Then he quit. But from just his own savings and his work, he's got money for his age," Scarlett says.

"What about me-me?" Luke asks.

"Oh, darling, Luke. You're not 19, you're sixteen," she says. Luke nods his head after a second.

"Fair...enough," he says.

"When did you two meet?" I ask.

"Sixth grade," Luke says.

"Yeah. We were both a total mess, and we were both alone. We became best friends almost instantly. We were exchanging these awkward hi's, and then, boom! We bought friendship bracelets! Until mine got rusty, and he lost his," she says. I laugh.

"At least you both couldn't use it anymore," I say.

"Best friends," Luke and Scarlett say, though Luke stutters a little.

"Je brought some garlic bread," he says putting it in the middle of the table.

Both Scarlett and Luke who are already more than halfway through their pizaa take the garlic bread. It looks so oily, and...garlicly. Peridot takes one too.

"Try it. They're really great," he says.

"Maybe after I'm done with at least the first half of my slice," I say. Food tatstes good when you're hungry. But then again, food is food, and since there is so much, it makes it amazing. Sounds like something Amethyst would says. Thinking it better she would say something like 'food is food, and it's great.' Yeah. That sounds more like her.

"Okay," he says. After he finishes his first pizza, he gets another one. It amazes me at the ease they all eat their second slice. I finish my first one try with great hesitation the oily garlic bread.

"It's actually pretty good," I say. And I eat it realizing I have been missing something from my life.

"Girl, did we not tell you?" Scarlett says.

"They're ama-mazing," Luke says.

"Yeah," Peridot says.

They make fun of me for having never before having eaten garlic bread and for ending up liking it. We finish up the pizza, and it takes everything in me to finish my second slice. Then, Luke and Peridot chug their whole drinks down while Scarlett and I cheer for them. Then with having nothing left to do, we arm wrestle. gainst Peridot, I last a few second, but I only stall because he beats me almost instantly. Between Luke and Scarlett, Scarlett almost wins, but Luke, almost giving in, wins last minute. Luke and Peridot go against eachother. Peridot starts off by going stright to it, Luke's back hand only hovering over the table. I can see how hard he tries. But Peridot beats him pretty easily. Then he goes against Scarlett. He beats her too. Luke and I go against eachother. I honestly try, but I am all bones and no muscle. I win on a landslide. Then I try Scarlett. I give everything I've got. She still ends up winning quite easily. As I lay my arm and my head on the table, kik comes to us.

"As much as I love seeing you guys crush eachother's hands, it's almost closing time," she says. Then it hits me.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"It's almost six thirty," Kiki responds. I realize that is still very early. Why do they close so early?

"On Tuesdays, business is a little slow, not as slow as mondays, but yeah. So we close early on both days. Things start to cool a little by wednesday," she explains. I really didn't need that much information, but okay.

"Then we'll get going," Peridot says, "Bye Kiki."

"Bye Kiki,"

"See you,"

"Bye,"

I can't help but think that her name kind of makes me think of coconuts. I don't why, but it does.

"So, to where?" Scarlett asks.

"Shouldn't we go home?" I ask, "And do homework and other things?"

"I'll just send it to you," Peridot says.

"I still have other responsibilities," I say crossing my arms, though not getting mad.

"But its still so early," Peridot says in his overly annoying deep voice.

"Maybe Lapis is right. You guys know how my mom gets. And we have a ton of homework," Scarlett says.

He hesitates. He hesitates a lot, "Fine,"

Then he gives in.

We walk. And I don't know how, but the questions comes up if Luke can carry Scarlett. He takes the challenge. He bends crouches down, we get confused, but Scarlett goes ahead and gets on his back. When he gets back up, they nearly fall over, but he manages. Her arms are around his neck, and it looks like he is trying really hard to not die.

"That's not what I meant, but who's keeping track?" Peridot says. He carries her for a few minutes, less than a block, until he gets tired and has to put her down. Scarlett asks Peridot if he can carry Luke, he tries. Peridot takes Luke by his waist and picks him up. Luke puts his arms on Peridot's shoulders.

"Don't dro-drop me," he says.

"Don't worry. It won't be intentional," he says. After a moment of walking Luke asks to be put down. I laugh at this whole ordeal.

"Wait, Peridot. Can you carry, Lapis?" Scarlett asks very slowly, almost as if she were trying not to laugh. I see that fucking smirk in her face.

"I can, honestly. The real question is whether she will let me," he says. He looks at me for approval.

"No," I say. Why would he think I would let him carry me? First, I don't trust him. Second, just straight off no.

"Come on, it will stay...between us," Luke says. I am tempted to give in, but I think I prefer to be stubborn.

"Fuck no!" I exclaim.

"Why not?" Scarlett asks.

"Because no. I do not want to be carried. Especially by Peridot. No offence," I say looking at him. He shrugs it off.

"Only you, Lazuli," he says. Why the hell does he keep calling me by my last name?

"Come on. Just-just a second," Luke pleads.

"No," I stand my ground. I wonder why its called stand my ground. Its a funny way to put it, but really the only wany to put it.

"Please," both Luke and Scatlett say in perfect unity, and they say it loud. I'm afraid that the people in the houses can hear.

"Why do you guys want him to carry me so much?" I ask. Someone had to ask.

"We just want to see it," Scarlett says.

"But why?" I ask again.

"Cause we...want-want to see," Luke answers.

"Okay. I get that part, but why?" I ask again getting annoyed.

"Please!" they yell again. I am ready to say I don't know these people if they yell at us for the noise level.

"No," I say again.

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?" Scatlett asks trying to make puppy dog eyes. I glance at Peridot.

"This is your fault," I say.

"Guilty as charged," he says. It annoys the hell out of me.

"Please?" Luke and Scarlett plead. I really don't see the necessity for this, but as long as they keep the volume down, and they keep walking.

"Fine," I say hesitating a lot. They scream in glee, "As long as you guys are quiet."

"O-okay," Luke says as he and Scarlett smile at eachother.

"Ready?" Peridot asks. I know he'll do it even if I'm not.

"No," I say.

"Too bad," he says. I stand in front of him and he puts his hand on my back, and his other arm in the back of my knees. Then he sweeps me off my feet, literaly. My arms, by instinct, latch onto his neck.

"You're light," he whispers.

"Fuck you," I whisper back.

"You wish," he says in his sly tone. I blush deeply as I hide my face in his chest.

"How's the view from up there?" Scarlett asks me.

"Bitch," I say.

"I get that a lot," she says.

"Put me down," I say.

"What's the magic word?" he asks.

"Put me the fuck down," I say, leaving space before and after fuck.

"That's not the magic word," he says.

"No, but you'd be marveled at the magic it causes," I say. He smirks at me, then puts me down. We walk like civilized people the rest of the way. We talk, but like civilized people. We drop off Scarlett, and Luke decides to stay with her. He'll come pick him up after he drops me off.

As Peridot and I walk in complete silence, I hook my arm around his. I'm not aware at what point, or why, but I do. And he notices. He likes it.

"You know I love you," he says. It amazes me how some people just say those words so easily. They just throw them out there without any trouble. The only living thing I have ever said that to is Jane. It's very hard and uncomfortable for me to say those words.

"It's true. You'd see it if you just gave me a chance to show you,"

A chance? So, everything he's ever done to, for, or around me has meant nothing? Hasn't he already been trying to show that he supposedly loves me? I want to ask, I really do, but it's so much work to say it and then explain what I mean.

We walnk in complete silence again, when we get to my house, we both walk in. Jane greets me, but not him. She stands and leans on me as I rub, squeeze, and shake her adorable, fluffy, and soft head.

"Give me a chance," I hear him say it, but I dont't really want to look at him. I keep my eyes fixed on Jane.

"Actually let me have a chance in showing you that I love you. Lazuli, I love you, and you have no idea what I feel when I realize everything I do does nothing. I want you to let me. Let me have chance," he says. I know there is sincerity in his voice. It doesn't sound rehearsed, he doesn't sound like he's said it a thousand times. But in all, its still hard to believe. Everyone wants to believe someone loves them, but some people can't.

Jane gets down, but I wish she hadn't because Peridot takes my hand. I don't fight it. He faces me, and puts one of his hands on the side of my face. I don't want to look at him. That would be uncomfortable given the circumstances. I really wan to say something to break this piercing silence.

He's actually right. He does a ton of things. But I don't take them into consideration because I just know I don't like him. He' s a friend, and that's the fathest he's ever going to get.

"I love you," he says. It feels nice, but it is nevertheless awkward. What the fuck am I supposed to say?

"You shouldn't," is really all I can manage to whisper. But it's true, right?

"Why not?" he asks.

"I'm not going to answer that," I respond.

"Please. I'm not a begger. But you've fucked up my brain, Lazuli. Give me a chance," he pleads. I feel like just saying yes to get him off me, but he sounds so sincere.

What the fuck is wrong with you, you stupid bitch?

Caring is what gets me into problems. Being a naive, believeing child, is what gets me into trouble. It's what keeps me awake at night. Telling myself I'll never bother myself with caring again, but then messing it up and getting involved is what's caused me to change, it's what cause my depression, my attempts at self-harm and suicide. It's funny how something that happened so long ago, can affect me so much nearly seven years later.

So many times, I wished they would have killed me. So many times I fantasized about somethig went wrong in the surgery I had and died, imagining my own funeral. So many times, I condemned the day I was born. So many times, I cursed at the day my parents found out my mom was pregnant with me. And I've forgotten the long gone days when I was...normal.

When I could walk down the street without looking around, when I could sleep without a nightlight on, when sex was something unknown and foreign to me.

So many nights, I prayed for the pain to end. I prayed to wake up and find that it was all a terrible dream. I prayed to die in my sleep. I prayed to wake up with amnesia. But my prayers were never answered.

Instead, life put me here, in the hands of some sort of rich fucked up player/motorcyclist.

"Why? How do I kno this isn't some joke, or that you just want to pass time?" I ask. I know that couldn't be what he wants after so much time, yet I can't help but have the doubts of always. It's contradicting, I should be careful with him, and he should be careful with me.

"Lazuli, we've been through this conversation a million times. I haven't done anything to you to make you think I just want to use you. That day, when tou asked if I only wanted you for sex, I said no. Tell me, have I ever done anything to you? I know I've said some things in a jokingly manner, but I love you. What do you want me to do to show you, that I want you in good way?" he asks. I don't hesitate to answer that, though I know its a rhetorical question.

"Nothing," I say.

He really hasn't. Sure, he jokes around about some things, but that's all they are. Jokes.

"So give me a chance. Please. Lazuli, I love you," he says.

"That's cliche," I say under my breath. Our faces are a mere two inches a part. We've been so close before, but this is different.

"It's not cliche if it's true," he says giving me a small smile. He takes me hand, and we breathe the same air. It's so close. It's so intoxicating. When he breathes out, my lips are covered in the warm air. I want to.

But I can't.

When he tries to kiss me, I put my hands on his shoulders and push away. He takes my elbows gently. I can't dare look him in the eye. I can't believe what I was just thinking.

"You should go, pick up Luke," I say.

"Nothings going to happen to him. Scarlett is with him," Peridot responds. He carresses my face. It feels nice. His fingers on my face. Its hypnotizing.

"I feel like they like eachother," This is just like in the movies. Except, this isn't a movie or a fairytale. This is reallife, and what we wish would happen, doesn't.

"They do. Luke's just afraid Scarlett doesn't like him more than a friend. But this isn't about them. This is about us," he says.

"What about us? There isn't an us," I say trying to get him to leave.

"You may not know it, but that hurts me. It hurts me when you reject me without giving me a real chance to show you that I love you. Just give me a chance. Let me love you, let yourself be loved. I don't know why you're so afriad to love. Lazuli, if you just let yourself be flexible, keep an open mind. I just know you'd love me, like I love you," he says. He takes both my hands and our fingers interwine. It's so tempting to just give in.

I've gotten use to the feeling, but not like this.

No one's really tried so hard, or so long as he has. It's something I admire about him. His dedication, his determination for something that might never happen. But it's a great quality. Not everyone has it. Not everyone has his patience or his sense of humor. Humor is something good when you need a smile.

"I'll leave you to think," he says as he brings his fingers to my chin, then my lips in a single swift motion. He comes closer and whispers, "Love you, Lazuli."

Then he kisses my cheek as he seperates. He goes for the door. He tries varius times to turn the knob and open the door, but fails. I chuckle.

"Shit! Can you help me?" he asks. I get my keys out and open. Jane makes sure he's out.

"À demain, ma cher," he says as he leaves.

"I have no fucking idea what you just said," I say smiling.

"I honestly prefer if you don't," he says. I giggle and he leaves. I close the door. I take off my sweater to reveal my short sleeve loose white shirt.

"I'm sweating," I say. Jane gets on the couch and lays next to me, her head on my lap.

"Jane," I say. I think real hard about what I am about to say. What I'm going to admit. I hesitate.

Do I really want to say this? No one will hear anyway right? Only Jane, and she won't tell anybody.

"Jane, I think I may like him a little,"

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Bonjour!****So, what's up? How did you guys like this chapter? What do you guys think about the small, yet significant, progress between Peridot and Lapis?****How have you guys been? I'm almost out of school for summer vacation, and I'll have more time to write. I'm also taking four regents classes this month, so I'm very busy right now-who am I kidding? I don't study. I just ace them.****And I wouldn't mind at all if you guys want to talk about theories you many have. I can answer questions too. I am a really strong believer that all people have right to express their own opinions, as long as it doesn't do harm to others.****Also about the thing about Peridot being the step-son of a ruch guy...well...I'll let all of you theorize or whatever it's called.****Anyway, have a great day/night!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Wounds**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

When I get home after school, I throw my backpack on the floor and sit down. Jane looks at me.

"Guess what?" I ask. She just looks at me.

"Prince Charming decided to get into a fight! He didn't want me to go, so now I'm just here, waiting!" I almost yell.

"You tell him to do one thing, and he doesn't listen! Its like talking to a wall," I say. She only listens to words she probably doesn't understand.

Right in last period which is science, he told me he had an 'issue' to adress with that famous Japser which I haven't met but have heard much about. And from what I have heard, I don't like him. I asked him to not go, but he's stubborn and he's Peridot.

But now I'm worried. I don't know if he's going to be okay. Just yesterdat, after recalls I confessed to Jane that I may like Peridot a little. He's sincere, stubborn, and funny. But that's all. And I'm not thinking of pursuing this fantasy because I'm not thinking of getting hurt again.

But it makes me worry about him because I care. Why do I have to care? I look at the time on my phone. It's been merely fifteen minutes since we parted ways. It's almost three. I let myself fall back. It's been such a long time since I've been all alone on a school afternoon with Jane. I guess I'd make something to eat, but the worrying doesn't let my stomach beg for food. I'd do homework, but I'm too lazy to. And Peridot always gives me the answers to it.

Or I can get them online.

I'll just change it up a bit.

I take my phone and go to Play Store. I search up this app I've been seeing on youtube ads. Ads are annoying, but somewhat useful. It's called Socratic. I don't bother with looking at the pictures below to see what it does. I just download it, if I don't like it, I'll just delete it. I become mesmerized by how many apps there are to get toy answers to your homework.

I find this other app called Slader which you can use to search up the textbooks with all the answers written inside. You could either enter rhe textbook name, or scan the barcode. I download it too. I need answers and a mind off of whether Peridot is okay or not. I decide to try the Slader app first. It might be easier since all you have to do is scan the textbook barcode and get the answers.

I take out my S.S., Math, Science, and Spanish textbooks. I turn them around and scan the barcode first for Spanish. But it says results not found. I decide to try again. I put it back to scan and it scans before I even completely get the whole barcode in the picture frame! It says results not found. I try again. Another great big failure. I give up on the Spanish textbook. Spanish is easy either way. Then I try the Math, and it fails again. I try again, and it completely fails. I start to become frustrated.

"Why does nothing work?!" I yell in frustration.

Math is one of the subjects I most have trouble with. Jane just stares at my with her head up and she lays on my bed. I try science. And it works for Science. I scream with joy as Jane looks at me as if dhe were worried for me. I leave it aside. Then I try S.S. and it fails on me too.

"At least I know everything on Social Studies. I get high and mid ninties on every test for S.S.," I say. It's a pretty easy subject for me. I don't know why so many people have trouble with it. When I took th U.S. social studies regents I got one of the hightest grades. Well, I got the highest grade possible. I got a perfect hundred. The thematic essay was to pick two Presidents and a decision they made, and the impact they had on America's foreign policy and the American homefront. I chose President Truman and his deisicion to drop the Atomic Bomb on Japan. The second one I chose was President FDR's New Deal program. I explained the time setting, what they did, their effect on American Society, and American foreign policy, then I also explained the immediate and long term effects of these presidential decisions.

"Why do they make these apps if they never have what you need?" I ask no one in particular. I try the socratic app next. I do S.S. quickly. My math homework are just a bunch of equations, but not exactly what you'd want to spend your time doing. With the socratic app, all I need to do is take a picture of the equation, and it gives me the answers, and it also tells me how to do it. It's good so that my math teacher doesn't become suspicious of me. I do the same for each equation, and I feel okay with myself. But I still can't get Peridot off of my mind. It's 3:24. I write fast. Messy, but fast.

Spanish is pretty easy too. Its just a bunch of fill-in the sentence with the verb that makes most sense. I finish that quickly too. When I check my phone again, its only 3:31. I have the answers for science. I try to write slow and try to make my handwriting neat. It only makes time go slower. When I finish all of my homework, I have nothing to do but worry, and I don't want to worry. So I go through Pinterest on my phone. I download a bunch of unesessary pictures I know I will never look at again, but I still want to have.

It's almost four. And I start to get anxious. I start to think the worst. So, I call him. He doesn't pick up. I try to call him again, he doesn't respond again.

"Fuck you!" I yell as I throw my phone on the bed. It decides to hit the bed frame and fall on the floor.

"Shit! I actually need that," I say as I lay on my stomach and try to pick it up. After I pick it up and look at it for a lasting minute before a bell rings.

"I didn't know we had a doorbell," I say to Jane.

I sit up, expecting something to happen. Oblivion makes my spine shake. The doorbell rings three more times as if it was urgent. Jane gets up, starts barking, and runs out of my room. I follow her.

"Who is it Jane?" I ask when she is standing at the door and I am at the end of the stairs. She barks and whines. I didn't even know we had a doorbell. I go to the door as it rings again. I don't know if I should open. I can't see who it is, so I won't open.

"Lazuli, open th fucking door!" I know that voice well. When Peridot says that, I quickly go and start to unlock it. I didn't know he eas capable of using the front door. When I look at him, I am terrified.

"Holy fucking shit!" I say as I help him in as he limps. He has a lot of bruises, a cut on his lip, what might turn into a black eye, and a bloody nose. He holds his chest and he limps. Jane backs up but stays alert.

"What happened?" I ask him. He doesn't answer. He grunts in pain as we walk, he smells a little of alcohol. I put his arm around my shoulders and tell him to lean his wait on me, thiugh when he does I realize I probably shouldn't have told him that. I help him walk. He tried to sit on the couch.

"No! Not there. My parents will kill me. I'll help you to my room," I say. He still doesn't answer.

I try helping him up the stairs, which is a pain in my ass. We take nearly five minutes getting up the stairs. The we go to my room. When we go inside I tell him to lean on the wall. Then I take all of my texbooks and homework and just throw them on the floor. I help him onto my bed.

"Won't you parents kill you?" he asks in a low and scrapy voice.

"I'll change them later," I say as I stand trying to think of what to do.

"Alcohol!" I say as I go into my bathroom. I reach for the alcohol, then I get two small new white towel. Then I geta small carton box with many different types of bandages. Then I get hospital tape which I always ask from my divtors because you dont need to use a scissor or your teath to cut it. As I am looking for the doctor's tape around my room, I hear Peridot speak.

"You little mut, I knew you cared," he says forcefully as he tries to use one of his fingers to pet her. I try to look faster. I hear Jane bark.

"Fucking bitch," he responds and he withdraws his hand back.

"Both of you. Just stop!" I say as I finally find the damn tape. I go to the other side of my bed and let everything fall just there.

"Peridot, come here," I say trying to help him get close to me.

"I fucking told you not to go!" I say.

"I still won," he says. He forces himself to speak.

"Its almost four! I was worried! And now I am justified in being worried!" I say.

"Look at who was worried about me," he says trying to grin.

"Just fucking stop!" I say. I take one of the towel and go to my bathroom. I wet the whole thing, then I spueeze it to try to get as much water as I can out. I sit right next to Peridot.

"Take those glasses off," I say taking them off for him anyway.

"I can't see," he says.

"You don't need to," I respond putting the towel on his face and cleaning off the blood. He has a big scratch on his neck that I didn't notice before. Then I also realize a small cut at the top of his forehead that is also pouring with blood. Its so much blood, its making me nauses. Nevertheless, I won't leave him like this. I keep cleaning out the blood. I let it bleed a little. It bleeds to help stop any infection or bacteria from getting into his body and it with also help with helping the wound heal. After it stops bleeding a lot, I pass the towel on top of the wounds. I put the wet blood covered towel on my bed and take the clean towel. I open the alcohol and pour a little bit on the clean towel. I pass the towel on his wound. He grunts.

"Its okay," I say. Once I am pass it a few times I say, "Lift your head."

He doesn't question me. He's in too much pain to fight right now.

I put one of my hands on his jaw to keep it up, and then I pass the acohol towel over the scratch. He grunts again. I feel bad. I use to hate him, and now we're freinds and I may have small feelings for him; and it pains me to see him like this. Jane watches as she lays on the floor. Thankfully no blood comes out of the scratch, nevertheless, it still looks awful. I tell him he can put his head down again. I pass the towel over his lip. He doesn't grunt for that. He stares at me and I try to ignore him. I take a small bandaid and put it on the cut on his forehead. I pass my finger over it gently. I then gently press my finger on his nose.

"Does it hurt?" I ask him.

"Not really,"

"But it still hurts, though?"

"Yeah, bu-"

"Then it might be broken. I'm not sure," I assume. I'm not completely sure. I'm not a doctor nor do I intend to be one. He still holds his chest.

"Let me check," I say gestureing to his chest. He takes his hands away, and I lift his shirt. It takes everything in me not to cry. Not because of him. But because this reminds me so much of something else.

He has bruises all over, just like I did. I can't look any longer, so I just cover him up again.

"You okay?" he says. His voice sounds so forced.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You should have a real doctor look at you," I say.

"I don't like the doctor," he says.

"Please," I say refraining from sobbing. He looks at me.

"Fine," he says. That makes me feel more releived.

"Thank you," I say, "Stay here. I'll go make you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry," he says.

"I don't care," I say as I walk out of my room. I go down and put ramen noodle soup on the stove. I stand as I wait. I'm completely alone, and I silently cry. I don't want Peridot or Jane to hear me. I use my sleeves to wipe away my tears. I put water on my face and use take deep breaths. I take a fork and mix the soup. I take out a plate and leave it there for when the soup is ready. Once it's done, I go back up.

"Can you sit up?" I ask him as I go inside. He doesn't respond, but he tries to sit up. I put the soup on the stand next to my bed, and help him. He manages to sit. I take the bowl of soup and give it to him.

"You okay?" I ask. He nods as he starts eating. I leave him there as I put everything else away. I put the alcohol and bandages away and I throw out both towels. My parents can't see two blood covered and alcohol scented towels. My mom would kill me. I organize my textbooks and put them away. I take out my folder from my backpack and put all my homework inside.

Its hard to believe yesterday was a good day when right now is such a mess. When a lot of bad things happen, everything can get lost in the mist of things. Its so easy to just succumb, its hard to keep a cool head.

I go downstrairs to clean the dishes I just used. It's about 4: 30 when I go down. I sit next to him when I go back up. Now I'm the one who stares at him.

"What happened?" I ask. He looks at me.

"I had a fight," he says.

"And it took you nearly an hour and a half to fight someone," I say.

"Okay. I faught with Jasper. I only got the broken nose and a bruise or two. I took a couple of shots with Amethyst who was there. Then I was starting to head over here when Jasper and one of his other friends jumped me. Then I struggled to get here," he says. So that's why he smelled like alcohol.

"I'm not sure if I've told you this before, though I'm pretty sure I have, you don't come to my house if you drink alcohol!" I say.

"I'm sorry, but I had no other place to turn to!" he says justifying himself. He has absulutely no idea this means to me. I wish I could shout in his face why I'm actually so upset. But I can't.

"You said you were coming here anyway!" I say. I'm not sure if it's because he's in pain, or because he knows I'm right, but he doesn't respond. After a minutes, I ask him something else.

"Why did you two fight?" I ask.

"I really don't want to talk about that," he says. I don't push it. We'e both upset. The difference is he's physically hurt, and I am not.

After he's done, I tell him to go to sleep. Then I go was the dish.

I go back upstairs. Jane follows me the whole time.

"Ugh, Jane. How I wish you could talk. Why do only the animals in the movies talk?" I say. She just stares at me. She stands up on my leg as I finish rinsing the bowl, almost as if she's stretching, though I know she just wants food. I smile.

"You want a cookie?" I ask. She stands on her four feet and looks at me while wagging her tail.

"Why didn't I know?" I ask, not really to myself or Jane or anyone in particular.

I look in the cabinet and take out the cookie bag. It take one out and hold it out. Jane stands on two feet and tries to get it. I have a little fun with it, until I finally decide to give it to her.

"You're amazing, Jane," I say. She looks at me before going on and chewing it. She keeps me sane. If it were not for her, I don't know where I'd be. They say the dog is the man's best friend, well it's the depressed teen's too. I go back up after a minute of watching her.

I watch Peridot peacefully sleeping. He looks so calm compared to when he came in grunting. I admit, I have a crush on him, but that does not mean I treat him differently. That does not mean I'll forget everything that's been done to me. That does not mean I'll trust him. Trust is not something given, it's something that is earned. And to b honest, he has never doen anything to show me he can't be trusted. On the contrary. But I've been through too much to throw everything away again. To risk it.

Someone might be okay with other things, but telling someone you have HIV, that is something else. Even the people who say they are normal people and there's nothing wrong with them, but they only show their true colors when it happens to them. When they have an HIV negative freind, when they have HIV negative mom, dad, brother, or sister. It really shows what type of people one has for friends.

I sit there looking at my phone, at Jane, and at Peridot.

"I didn't know you were capable of using the front door like a civilized person, Prince Charming," I say to his sleeping self. I guess it takes a near death expereance to force him to use the front door.

I put my finger above his slightly parted lips, just to make sure he's still breathing. Then I put my hand on his forehead, to make sure he doesn't have a fever or something like that. I really hate how I can be so caring sometimes. But I really can't blame him can I?

He said he had no where else to turn to. He trusts me to not think of anywhere else to go. I give a small smile.

Later when its about seven thirty, I wake him up. I realize I can't let him leave like this, but he can't stay here either.

"I'll call someone. Who do you want me to call?" I ask.

"No one," Peridot says. Should have guessed, "I can go by myself,"

He starts to stand up. I gently pull him back down.

"No your not. I'll call Luke, or Amethyst," I say.

"Not Luke! Not him. Call Amethyst. I want to see if she can decently drive a car with an injured person inside," he says.

"Okay," I say. I take my phone out and look for Amethyst, then I dial.

Amethyst- Yo.

Me- Hey Amethyst.

Amethyst- Oh, hey Lapis. Whas up?

Me- Peridot told me you were at his fight earlier.

Amethyst- Yeah. It was interesting. I got bored eventually.

Me- Okay, yeah, sure. Look. I need you to come to my house with a car. Peridot got jumped, and I don't want him to go home by himself.

Amethyst- Really? Damn. Okay. By the way, you sound like a mom.

Me- No I don't. Be here before eight!

Then she hangs up.

"She's coming," I say

"Before eight?" he asks.

"My parents," I respond.

"Okay," he says.

"Do you think you'll be in school tomorrow?" I ask. What the fuck? Of course he might not! Just look at him.

"Wouldn't miss it," he says, "Tomorrow they're going to put who got in the show."

"Oh," I say. Hopefully not me.

"You still mad at me?" I ask.

"I'm not mad. I'm upset. There's a difference," I say hoping he doesn't ask further. I try to convince myself of what I say. He chuckles at me.

"You can't even convince yourself," he says.

"When you're all alone there isn't much people to debate with. So you debate with yourself," I say.

"You aren't alone. I've been coming here for months," he says coming closer. I push him gently. He grunts in pain.

"Oh my fucking shit! Sorry!" I say taking his arm and praying he doesn't have to go the hospital because of me.

"It's fine. It just hurts," he says.

"That's exactly why I am apologizing," I say.

"You don't need to. Physical pain is only physical. It goes away. When your heart is in pain, that doesn't go away," he says.

"You've surprised me today, Prince Charming," I say.

"Am I that charming?" he asks with that sly smirk.

"Not really. It's really just the title," I respond. My phone vibrates.

"Who is it?" he asks.

"Amethyst. She say she's already outside. That was fast," I say.

"Hopefully she'll drive decently when I am in the car," he says trying to get up. I help him. Jane stands up when I do.

I help him through the house. We take a minute to go down the stairs. His arm around my shoulders.

I open the door and help him out.

"Damn Peridot. You've disappointed me," she says. I want to say that it was two against one, but I decide against it.

"I know," he says.

They leave, and I go back in to change my bed sheets. My parents come, but I don't eat with them. I take a half an hour long shower, and take my pill. Jane settles in next to my new bed sheets, and I drift off to sleep.

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hii!****So, two chapters in one day. What a treat?****Anyway, what do you guys think? I know it was a short chapter, but I hope you guys liked it.****How's life?****I graduate next week from middlr school! Yay! Though I also have four regents next week too. But that's also good!**

Have a good night/day, and see ya'll next time!


	30. Chapter 30

**Over Reactive**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

My life can't possibly can't get any worse.

Oh, wait!

It did!

Like a week ago!

When I was told I was going to be in a fucking Musical! And not just be in the musical, no. But I am going to be Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton. And the worse part, Peridot is going to be the fucking lead! I cannot be his 'wife'!

Today is the first rehearsal which is going to be until 3:30, and I can't believe that I am actually going.

But I am already here.

"So, Lazuli, what does I told you so taste like?" Peridot asks me.

"Like an abyss of hunger," I respond.

"Well, I brought chips," he takes out a bag of doritos. He opens it and I take a handful.

"Peridot! Give me some!" Amethyst says reaching her hand out. She sticks her hand into the bag and also takes a handful.

"Please, everyone. I have a few announcments, and you all must hear," Jamie says. We settle down. A few more people come in, but we all remain silent.

"Okay. First things first. Congradulations on getting into the musical. The standards were high, and I honsetly picked the people I thought were most responsible and capable of handling something like this. Second thing, one of our performers dropped out to play in the pit. She is here, and trust me when I tell you, she plays great. She's played the last three years.

"Today you all will recieve a folder that has a list of each song, and who is in it. And tomorrow, you will all have measurments taken for costumes which I hope will arrive either May or June. The beginning of June being the show. It may seem like we have a lot of time but it flies. So I hope everyone an cooperate. Also, you will be doing a lot of singing and dancing, so please always bring a bottle of water. Coreo rehearsals begin in December. Any questions?" he asks. That was a pretty big speech.

"Okay. Also let you know. Mr. Watterson is here to supervise. Now, when I call your name, please come up to get your folder," then he starts calling names and number.

Scarlett sits next to Luke. They sit in front of us. The desks are arranged in a U-shape, two rows. Scarlett got in, but she dropped out to play in the pit. She's going to play violin. Luke stayed.

He calls Peridot's name, he goes up. He gets a yellow folder with a big black star sticker with a man in the middle holding his arm up. His number is 12. Jamie calls my name after Peridot. I also get a yellow folder with a big black star in the middle, my number is 13. Peridot hands me a shiny silver sharpie. The folder looks pretty to be honest, I don't want to ruin it. Scarlett has pretty handwriting. I ask her to write my name for me. Peridot writes his name in script, and it honsetly looks very good. I wish I would have asked him if I knew he was going to write it so pretty.

We remain silent while Jamie passes out folder. Olivia got in too. Blue sits next to me. After that Jamie gives us another informative speech.

"Okay. There are thirty-five of you. I was only able to print out twenty-seven copies of every song," he says.

"Some of you will have to share with one another. Now, this is not a normal musical. In this musical, there isn't dialogue except a few special cases. And those dialogues are within the songs and the music in something called a vamp. Who knows what a vamp is?" Both Scarlett and Luke raise their hands. He calls on Scarlett.

"A repeating musical phrase," she says. What the fuck is a repeating musical phrase?

"Yes, thank you," he keeps talking, and I don't pay attention. I only pay attention when everyone stands up and starts to huddle around the piano. I follow Peridot to the back where the piano is, where everyone is going. He lightly bumps into a girl and says: "Excuse me, ladies."

She giggles.

"It's okay," she responds smiling. That fucking bitch! I push my way next to him.

"The stands are in that corner, bring them, so you can put the song we're working on today. And you'll all have to divide into three sections. Highs, lows, and leads," Jamie says. We all do as he says as some people get the stands. Peridot, Luke, and I decide to share a stand. Scarlett sits on a chair next to us. Luke puts a stand in front of her and she puts pages on them. She takes out her white violin from her case. She looks more fancy and sophisticated than she usually looks. She connects a wire to the side of it and she connects that wire to a speaker. She then puts it on her shoulder and that stick with long hair on the strings she told me is called the bow.

Jamie gives us instructions on how high or low we need to sing.

"Where's my Aaron Burr? There you are, Luke. You start us off," Jamie says. Luke smiles wide.

Luke got to be Aaron Burr. Amethyst got to be John Laurence and Phillip Hamilton. Ruby got to be Hercules Mulligan and James Maddison. Sapphire got to be Tomas Jefferson and Lafayette. Blue is Angelica Schuyler. Peridot, well he'd Alexander Hamilton. And I am Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton.

Some other girl I don't know got to be Peggy Schuyler and Maria Reynolds, and she better not try to be a slut.

I know it seems like I am jealous, and maybe I am. But not because I like him in that way. It's honestly just a small insignificant school girl crush.

"Okay. Sing loudly. On my count Scarlett. One and two and three and four and," then they start playing. It really amazes me how they can play an instrument, and how they can read what I only see has lines and dots. Scarlett moves the bow so gently and her fingers move swiftly, and she shakes them creating a vibrating sound. It sounds beautiful. Luke sings:

BURR

How does a bastard, orphan, son of a gun

and a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a

forgotten spot in the Caribbean by providence, impoverished, in squalor,

grow up to be a hero and a scholar?

Then Amethyst jumps in after him.

LAURENCE

The ten-dollar founding father without a father got a lot farther by working a lot harder,

by being a lot smarter,

by being a self-starter,

by fourteen, they placed him in charge of atrading charter.

Amethyst and Luke sing beautifully. Though they really only speak in rythm. Then Sapphire sings.

JEFFERSON

And every day while slaves were being slaughtered and cartedaway across the waves, he struggled and kept his guard up.

Inside, he was longing for something to be a part of,

the brother was ready to beg, steal, borrow or barter.

Ruby then jumps in that low but powerful voice.

MADISON

Then a hurricane came, and devastation reigned,

our man saw his future drip, dripping down the drain,

put a pencil to his temple, connected it to his brain,

and he wrote his first refrain, a testament to his pain.

BURR

Well, the word got around, they said, "This kid is insane, man"

took up a collection just to send him to the mainland.

"Get your education, don't forget from whence you came, and

the world is gonna know your name. What's your name, man?"

Then there is a small brief few seconds pause after Peridot starts. And when he says his first line, everyone immediately starts clapping.

"Scarlett! One measure pause right there!" Jamie yells over the clapping. Peridot isn't moved and starts almost immdediately when the piano starts again.

HAMILTON

Alexander Hamilton.

My name is Alexander Hamilton.

And there's a million things I haven't done,

but just you wait, just you wait...

Aww fuck. That's me.

ELIZA

When he was ten his father split, full of it,

debt-ridden, two years later, see Alex and his mother bed-ridden,

half-dead sittin in their own sick, the scent thick,

It honestly wasn't as bad as I thought. It was worse.

Just kidding. It wasn't at all bad.

"Everyone but Eliza and Hamilton!" Jamie yells right when I finish my singing.

COMPANY

And Alex got better but his mother went quick

"Stop! Stop!" he stops playing. That was actually pretty bad.

"Leads, great job. You guys were doung great. And of course, I'll forgive every mistake this week because all of you only found out your roles last weem, but after this week. You need to come prepared for every song we practice," he says, "When you 'And Alex got better but his mother went quick,' you whisper it. You don't even sing. Everyone just whisper. Every single lead and ensemble with the exception of Eliza and Hamilton with whisper that. Peridot, you'll be acting as if you don't hear anything. Ignoring it. And Lapis, you'll be putting you index finger on your lips as if telling everyone to be quiet, because well, you love him. And you know that remembering thag makes him fee pain. Got it?" he asks. Everyone nods and says yes. Yeah, no. I don't get the part where I am totally and foolishly in love with someone who eventually cheats on me.

"Okay, let's take it from Lapis' part. Umm, Eliza," he says.

I sing my part again. It's very awkward because everyone else is staring straight at me. Then they sing their part, this time it's not that messy.

WASHINGTON

Moved in with a cousin, the cousin committed suicide.

Left him with nothin' but ruined pride, something new inside,

a voice saying,

COMPANY

Alex,"

WASHINGTON AND COMPANY

"You gotta fend for yourself."

WASHINGTON

He started retreatin' and readin' every treatise on the shelf.

Then Luke starts to do something I would call skilled rapping. I wonder how he can rap perfectly, but stutter when he speaks. Fuck, I was stuttering when I sang my three lines.

BURR

There would have been nothin' left to do for someone less astute,

he woulda been dead or destitute

without a cent of restitution,

started workin', clerkin' for his late mother'slandlord,

tradin' sugar cane and rum and all the things he

can't afford

COMPANY AND BURR

scammin'

BURR

for every book he can get his hands on,

COMPANY AND BURR

plannin'

BURR

for the future see him now as he stands on

the bow of a ship headed for a new land,

In New York you can be a new man.

"Okay! Okay! Stop! Let's clean that up," Jamie yells. Why don't we just clean up and go?

"He loves acting. Never say you don't like acting or that it is hard, and you'll live to see another day," Peridot says.

"Thanks for the tip," I say.

"Ensemble, when you say scamming with Luke, you don't really sing it. You really just scream it. In this musial, it's mostly just rapping. Really the only one who sings in this musical is going to be Lapis and Steven," he keeps explaining something but I don't pay attention. It doesn't even apply to me. I'm not in the ensemble. I'm a lead. Fucking bitches, I wasn't even trying. I smile at myself. Then I remember, You're the fucking bitch, Lapis. You were trying not to get into this show!

"Fuck," I whisper to myself. Am I that bad at trying to fail at things than when I don't try?

"Let's try that part one more time, then we'll start from the beginning," he says.

We do as he says, we try and we try like three times. I start to get bored.

I honestly thought that rehearsals for a musical were more fun. I though there was more singing, dancing, and more fun, involved. It looks like we're about to sing for church. I'm not even religious.

I don't think anyone in this musical is religious considering the different aspects of this musical and the curse words and innapropriate scenes. My mom would kill me for this.

Then we start again. Luke does his part, every one does their own part, I do my part, Peridot does his. It's all boring to just be listening and waiting for it to be your part. I have to join the ensemble at a certain get up to thr exact same point where we stopped, and we stop.

"That was a hundred times better. Still needs improvment and far from perfect, but better than last time. Everyone who has a solo part in this song, you need to breathe. You're running out of breath, and I don't want anyone fainting and dying as long as I am in charge. Slow down. You need to bring that air into your diaphragm. You need to sing from your stomach, not your throat. If your throat hurts, your doing something wrong," he says. Like I even have a stomach.

We start from the beginning again. I am already bored with this song. This song is about Alexander Hamilton, and Peridot barely has five solo lines. I think I have more lines than he has. I smile at myself. I don't know why I am proud for having something I didn't want, but I am.

We practice a few more times from the beginning until that point. We get a brief five minute brake. We talk, and I convince Peridot to let me drink from his water bottle because it's too much work to ask for permission, go drink water, and come back. After like ten minutes they finally call us to gather around the piano again.

But this time, Jamie gives us the music for the last song. It made me cry when I heard it on youtube. I have a major part in this one. It's almost all me. Except the first minute, and thlast few seconds. It's funny how Peridot won't have anything to sing in this song. And the show is about him.

"Okay, so this song mainly Eliza. So Lapis, make bold choices. You steal the show at the end. Whoever has a part in the beginning, which is mainly everyone but Peridot and I think, yeah. The beginning part of this song is a bit complicated to teach, we'll probably only get through the first minute or so. Thankfully this song will be easier to stage than to teach. Okay, where's my Washington?" Jamie asks. Some kid raises their hand. I really have no idea who that is, but he seems fit for the part.

"Okay, I'll cue you in," Jamie says. He counts four again. Why the fuck do they keep counting four? But I don't want to ask.

WASHINGTON

Let me tell you what I wish I'd known

When I was young and dreamed of glory

You have no control

COMPANY AND WASHINGTON

Who lives, who dies, who tells your story?

Luke brings Sapphire in.

BURR

President Jef-jefferson

He stuttered. I can tell he really had trouble on that.

Jefferson

I'll give him this: his financial system is a work of genius

I couldn't undo it if I tried

And... I've tried

COMPANY

The ensemle is supposed to sing there, but I think maybe they got confused or something

"Okay, ensemble," Jamie says. I get fucking annoyed. I just want to sing. If I'm going to be in this fucking musical, I might as well just sing. I look at Scarlett, and she looks annoyed. She sees me looking.

"I dropped out to play the violin, not to sit here holding my instrument in rest position," she whispers to me in that british accent. I smile not really knowing what to say, though I feel the same way.

"You're not wrong, O'Brian," Peridot whispers.

"You look-look professional," Luke whispers.

"That is true. Believe it or not I'm a badass with this bow!" she whisper screams, holding the wooden stick with hair which is called the bow, at the same height of her chest; though I know for a fact it would reach Mars if we were not in this classroom.

"Got it ensemble?" Jamie asks. I wasn't listening.

People nod and says yes. I nod along with everything.

"Okay. From the beginning. Start making acting choices!" Jamie says as he cues Scarlett in. She plays her violin so naturally, so fluently. She may play it more fluently than she speaks. And she speaks a lot. Not in the bad way though!

This time when the ensemble sings the who lives whatever part, they actually make it sound more nice, more soft, it sounds really nice. Then Luke introduces Ruby. She sings her part. Then it's Washington and the ensemble with the Who part again. Then the music changes, I watch mesmerized as Scarlett plays her instrument. This sounds beautiful. Then I turn the Blue, who plays Angelica's part beautifully.

ANGELICA

Every other founding father's story gets told

Every other founding father gets to grow old

BURR

But when you're gone, who remembers your name?

Who keeps your flame?

He sings it almost in a sing song voice, though I'm pretty sure he's not supposed to be singing. But he doesn't stutter. And I guess that is what's important.

"Okay. Wait. Stop. That was great. That was amazing, I was starting to get tears in my eyes. Anyway. The next part is a little tricky, but not that hard. I'm going to teach it right now, so listen up. The first 'who tells your story, is going to be Luke and all the boys in the company. Th second on is going to be Blue and the girls of the ensemble. The third and last one, is going to start off with Luk and rhe boys, and Blue and th girls will join in for the 'your story'. Got it? Let's give it a try," Jamie explains, "First boys and Luke."

BURR AND MEN

Who tells your story?

ANGELICA AND WOMEN

Who tells your story?

BURR AND MEN

Who tells

BURR, ANGELICA, AND COMPANY

your story?

"Could use some improvement. A little messy, needs cleaning up, but neverthelss, decent. From the top. But this time. Right after this part, you all will hear Scarlett finish playing a dotted quarter note, and will play three noted. Right after my last note, all the ladies of the Company will be singing 'Eliza'," Jamie explains.

And we sing from the beginning. I don't sing anything. Neither does Peridot. I am so fucking bored. I want to practice one of my songs. I know it sounds a little selfish, but I'm bored and there are a minimum of two or three songs that I could be practicing that are all me instead of standing here and listening to Jamie adress the ensemble. I'm so glad this ends at three thirty.

When it gets dangerously close to my part, I start to gets ready, just in case I do get to sing. Scarlett plays, Jamie plays, and it's the girls.

WOMEN

Eliza

I am about to jump in singing, but Jamie cuts in before me. I barely get I out.

"That was beautiful. Almost made me cry. But I'm afraid our time is almost up, I need the last few minutes to adress something," once he says that, people start putting stands away, and Jamie collects the lyric sheets. We all go and sit down in our seats. I'm fucking frustrated and tired of doing absolutely nothing but standing there waititng for something that won't happen.

"Okay. I believe this was a successful rehearsal. The leads were on point and they have impressed me. You were all amazing today. I would have wished to do more today, but we got close to a minute of the first and last song. Lapis, I will work with you alone tomorrow, before we out everything together," Jamie says looking at me, "I also, wanted to take advanatge of these few minutes of your attention to say, please be here tomorrow. Measurments are crucial. I also need to hand every single one of you a calender for this weeks' rehersal schedule," he says as he takes out a thin pile of papers. It takes him a minute to hand everything out to everyone. I look at the calender, every single Tuesday, Wensday, and Thursday is marked with the songs and ho is going to be there.

"Okay. Did everyone get one?" everyone nods.

"Okay, every Tuesday, Wendsay, and Thursday on this calender is marked. Those will be the days rehearsals will be taking place. On the day of a rehearsal, it will tell you the song and the people that need to be here. For example, tomorrow, Wensday, we will be doing Alexander Hamilton and Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story? which is abreviated. Also under the songs it says FULL CAST in capital letter so no one tells me they didn't know they were supposed to be here," then he goes on pointing out who is here on what days and the songs that we have to learn before we come to rehearsals. In a single day Peridot and I have to be here, with ensemble two.

"Now that we are done with the calendars, I will tell you how all of you are seperated into ensembles. Ensemble one, is consisting of all guys. This us mainly because you are basicaly the Hamilton ensemble. Because you are in almost every single sing he is in, which us a lot of songs. But ensemble one, you aren't in Helpless, That Would Be Enough, The Story of Tonight, Dear Theadosia, Take A Break, and many others that I don't have the time or patience to list from the top of my head. Ensemble two, is consisting of all girls, for the same reason. It is Eliza's ensemble. They follow her in most of the songs she is in. You are in Helpless, but not in That Would Be Enough, or Burn. Helpless consists of ensemble two, Hamilton, Eliza, and Angelica. That Would Be Enough is going to be only Eliza and Hamilton. And Burn is only Eliza. Ensemble three is girls and guys. You guys will be in almost every single song where it says Company unless I say so. And that complete's our hour. You are all free to go," he says. He's a big talker. I take my backpack and swing it over my shoulders. I walk with Perdot, he says Luke is going to Scarlett's house. I am hungry. And Jane isn't used to being alone more than necessary.

"So how did you find today's rehearsal?" Peridot asks me. I decide on what to say.

"Boring. We did more getting lectured than any actual singing," I say.

"Eventually regearsals will be until 4:30," he says.

"That's so late!" I say.

"There are twenty four hoursr in a day. On a regular school day, we have six hours of school. If we stay until four thirty, we have eight hours of school. However minus the eight hours we sleep, we have less than three hours to do whatever we want," he says. The fuck?

"Uh, we always end up having more than three hours," I say.

"That changed today, Lazuli," he says.

"Duck you," I say. I realize what I said, and so does he.

"Did you says duck?" he asks me raising an eyebrow.

"No," I say, but I honestly want to laugh at myself.

"You sure?" he asks. I nod, "One hundred percent?"

"Fine okay. I said duck instead of fuck, it's not a big deal," I say.

"You're right, but it's still hilarious," Peridot says.

"Ha ha ha. Yes I'm laughing so much," I say sarcasically.

"Yeah, and you still remember what tomorrow is, right?" he asks.

"Tomorrow? Uh, Wednsday," I say in an is-it-not-obvious tone.

"Tomorrow is the carnival to which you accepted to go with me to," as he explains I groan.

"Do we have to? I'm so fucking tired!" I prolaim.

"You'll be okay by tomorrow, Lazuli," he says.

"What if I'm not? What if I get sick? We have those fucking rehearsals tomorrow," I say.

"You won't get sick. And the carnival starts at four. Rehersals end at 3:30. Besides, all of our friends will be there," he says.

"Wow, I feel so much so much better now," I say sarcastically. He just grins at me the way he always does.

"Tomorrow will be fun. We'll go, we'll meet up with our friends and split up into our tiny two people groups. I'll get you anything you want," he says.

"I doubt there will be anything interesting," I say.

"You're always so pessimistic. You always look at life through th half empty perspective and I want to know why," he says.

"Why? Great question," I say and then add: "So good I don't have an answer either, Prince Charming."

"Prince Charming? How'd you come up with that one?" he asks me grinning.

"Thought a cliche name would fit a cliche guy," I respond smiling.

"You think I'm cliche?" he asks.

"I don't know. Maybe a little," I respond.

"How?" I already have a full list. I've been making a list in my mind in case he ever asked that question.

"You're the typical bad boy. You drive a motorcycle. You're a player without the part where you haveing sex or make out with every girl you flirt with. You're very stubborn. You don't get the big idea. And you have a sensitive side. That is a typical cliche," I say taking a big breath before I say all of that.

"The typical cliche. Well you're cliche too and I've never said anything about that," Peridot says.

"How?" I ask.

"You say you're lonely. You have an animal as a best friend. You keep saying you'll never like me but I have high doubts of that. It's the typical cliche," he says. I blush. I dont like him!

"Me? Lonely?" I ask.

"Yeah, look. You're even denying it. Face it, Lazuli, you're cliche too," he says.

It still looks really early. The sun is up and it is fucking hot. I sweat under my sweater but I'm kind of used to it. And I don't want to take it off in front of Peridot. As charmin as Prince Charming is, he's still a boy. And as much as he respects me, those eyes have a thing for wandering around on their own.

"Fuck you!" I say.

Fuck! What if I am cliche? At least it's not another Twilight.

"At least it's not another Twilight," I say. He nods.

"True. I wouldn't like to be either Vampire or Warewolf," he says. I smile.

"What if you had to choose?" I ask.

"Neither,"

"Come in. If you had to choose, which would you choose?" I ask him again. He's silent for a second.

"I'd pick death," he says and then he laughs. I grab his arm.

"Come on! Peridot!" I plead.

"Fine! Fine! I'd pick to be a warewolf," he responds.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because you like dogs," he answers. I blush. It really flatters me how someone like him tries to flirt with me. How he sincerely cares about me.

"Warewolves aren't dogs, they're wolves," I say.

"But dogs are decsendents of wolves, are they not?" It's more if a statement than a question.

"I guess you're right," I admit.

"I'm always right," Peridot adds.

"Except when you're not," I add. He puts his arm around me and his hand on my upper arm. I let him. It feels nice. When I watch the movies about romance and things like that, I long for something similar. Something so perfect. But in the end it's only a movie. Those things don't happen in real life. If I actually, sincerely, gave Peridot a chance then it would be something similar. Let's face it, it looks like he came straight out of a movie set. His cliche catch phrases say it all.

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hi!I feel like it's been forever since I updated, but it's only really been a month. Exactly.Anyway, I'm going to be very busy this whole two months before school starts, between homework and my other book I'm pretty much booked. Get it?Anyway have a great day/night you know the rest!**


	31. Chapter 31

**The Carnival Confession**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

After rehersals, we go home to leave our backpacks and stuff. Rehearsals are just like yesterday, except of course I got to sing more. I like to show off that I'm important, but I don't like all the quiet and staring while I am singing.

Everyone, Peridot including, say that I have a nice voice. I try to be modest when everyone tells me that, though I like the compliments. But when Peridot tells me, I just thank him. I know between both of us, we have a more close relationship than with our other friends. To be honest, I like it when he compliments me. Sure, he may be a big tomcat, but he doesn't with hang out with those girls night and day. He didn't ask them to go to the damn carnival. If things get out if hand with him and other girls, then I'll obviously say something and stop whatever this is before it escalates.

When I get home, I immediately go to the bathroom and find that my fucking period just started.

"Fucking shit!" I whisper to myself.

I really don't keep track of when my period is supposed to come. It's become kind of a nuisance to even bother trying. Sometimes it comes late, sometimes it comes early. I could be the next Virgin Mary and I wouldn't have a fucking clue.

The first time got my period, it was the beginning of sixth grade. My mom had told me about periods, but it never really vrossed my mind that it was going to happen. It's one of those things that aren't really real until they happen. It was a normal day. I went to the bathroom with one of my friends during lunch because my stomach was hurting a little. And when your stomach hurts one of the reasons may be that you need to use the bathroom. At first I thought I was going to fucking die, but when I was back in all of my senses and told my friend. She bought me a one dollar pad from those machines they put in girl's bathrooms. It's still one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. That's how sad my life is.

"You okay?" I hear Peridot ask outside.

"Are you fucking spying on me while I'm in the bathroom?" I ask almost yelling.

"Not really. Just heard you say 'fucking shit', I was in the neighborhood and thought I could check out if you were okay," he says jokingly.

"I'm fine," I say. I put on a pad and stuff two extra into my sweater pocket. I'm not really the kind of person to go to the bathroom every little while. Only when it is a big emergency. The rule applies even when I am on my period.

There are days when my whole body just hurts for like no reason at all. Other days I just don't feel like dealing with the world's shit. And right now I don't feel like leaving my house, but I really want chocolate. Dark chocolate. Or chocolate cheescake. Any of those two will work.

I leave the bathroom and both Peridot and I go downstairs, Jane following close behind us.

I get my phone and keys and then we leave for the carnival.

"So who's going to be there?" I ask.

"All of our friends," Peridot responds.

"Aren't carnival games rigged?" I ask again.

"Yeah," he says. He says it all the so casual.

"Won't you lose money in vain then?" I ask.

"True, but a few bucks are worth it as long as we have fun, right?" he says, "Besides, there's always the hope that God may have mercy and grant a sinner some luck." I laugh.

"Where in the fucking shit did you see that?" I ask still kaughing like crazy.

"I made it up. Are you okay?" He asks smiling nervously at me while I laugh.

I manage to calm down a little, "No"

"You've never laughed like that at one of my fluent jokes. Are you physicaly and mentaly okay?" he asks.

"Yeah. I'm just on my period," I say. He blushes. Then I realize what I've said.

FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!

"You heard nothing," I then say looking at him.

"My pleasure," he says.

We make it to the carnival thing and the game and the concession stands don't seem to be open even though a lot of people walk between them. By one of the benches we spot Luke, Scarlett, Ruby, Sapphire, Steven, and Connie. We approach them and say hi.

"Where's Amethyst?" I ask noticing that there is more peace and quiet than usual.

"She'll be here in a little while," Steven asks.

Then, of course like any time all of are together, they start to talk about the fucking musical. I get annoyed. That fucking musical is not the only thing going on. We all have a real life which we have to be more concerned with.

After a moment, morevsoecifically half an hour, I notice a few games up a running and people already buying from concession stands.

"I think it's open," I say.

"Let's go!" Steven yells. They all immediately stand up and we walk. I stick close to Peridot.

"So, we'll meet up at seven," Steven says. We nod and then we seperate. Ruby and Sapphire, Luke and Scarlett, Steven and Connie, and Peridot and I all go seperate ways.

"Okay, so what do you want to do first?" Peridot asks me.

"I don't know. I've never really gone to a carnival before," I say.

"Well, there are the rigged games, the greasy food, and the Carnival rides," he says.

"You choose," I say. He thinks for a moment.

"Okay, follow me," he says. I follow him to a train like ride which has a lot of tiny cars fit for two people each. It goes in a fast circle.

"I like this one," he says. I decide to try it. We go to the back of the line. It takes no more than five minutes while we talk and wait. When it's our turn I tell him that it doesn't matter in which cart we sit in, but he insists on sitting in one of the dark green carts. We sit in the one labeled thirteen. When it starts Peridot and I go bumping into eachother. The ride stops and I think it's done when it starts again going backwards this time. When the ride stops, my bangs and my hair are all over the place.

"Shit! My beautiful hair!" I say to Peridot while I still hold the railing in front of me. He grins, his hair is a mess too.

"In my defence you told me to choose," he tries to justify himself.

Next, we go to some more fast games that also ruin my hair and his. When we go to the bumper cars, he bumps into everyone intentionally. And I try to stop going in the wrong direction. Peridot bumps into intentionally, and I jump. If I weren't wearing a rubber sash connected to the car, I'd jump out and really hurt myself. The sash hurts my neck when someone bumps into me. When the game is finished, I wait for Peridot by the exit because he ended up behind a really big crowd of bumper cars bumping into eachother and going in all different directions.

"You okay?" he asks me.

"Yeah. I think the seatbelt cut my throat but I'm fine," I say. He chuckles lightly.

"What about you?" I ask him.

"I'm okay too. I had to put in the breaks real quick back there," he says.

"The car has no breaks," I say.

"Yeah, well now it does," he says. I laugh. I hook my arm around his arm as we start to walk again.

"Where to now?" I ask.

"I don't know. We have like two hours and a half left until we meet up with the others," he says.

"Two hours and a half!" I almost yell. I really thought more time would have passed.

"I know," he says. We walk until I see two people and just hyave to point then out.

"Luke and Scarlett," I say gesturing to them.

"You're more observant when you're on your period, did you knon that?" Peridot says.

"That's a new one. It's usually more agressive or depressed," I say. He smirks,"What do you think they're saying?"

"I have no clue. Probably about their feelings," he says.

"Are they dating?" I ask."

"I wish! They're all over eachother, but Luke is really bad at talking about feelings to her if they are about her," he shays. They suddenly stop and Scarlett steps in front of him. She says something and then she leans and kisses him on the lips. Both Peridot and I look at eachother and say: "Fucking shit!!!"

Peridot puts his hand on his forehead and I shake his arm in excitment. We immediately take out our phones and take pictues.

"My brother has a girlfriend!" Peridot says smiling. I smile and laugh. I knew they liked eachother. When ever I saw both of them they were always together.

When they sepeate, they keep talking. Peridot then tuns to me.

"So, how about us?" he asks grinning.

"Fuck you," I respond.

"Fuck you," he answers back.

We ignore what happened and then just continue to walk, my arm hooked around his. He bumps me with his hip. I bump him back, slightly harder. Then he bumps me again, harder than I did. I almost trip. I hump him again harder. He takes a few steps to the side. He gets closer to me and then bumps me again. He bumps me so fucking hard. I bump into someone and both of us lose our balsnce and fall. The guy's wallet falls from his pocket.

"Holy fucking shit," I murmur under my breath.

The guy doesn't look at me.

"I'm very sorry. I wasn't looking. I-" I start as I pick up the wallet and hold it out to the guy. The hand and my mind freezes for a second when the guy finally looks up at me. He looks at me too. He freezes, he remember me. He remembers what his asshole friends did to me.

"Your friends disgraced me," I say trying so hard not to cry. I hate this man. I hate him so much, I wish he and his fucking friends were dead.

"Your friend, Jerry, fucked up my life!" I say with so much rage. I don't say it so loud, I don't want anyone to hear. I don't want Peridot to hear. But he's looking. This is so fucking embarassing.

"You could have saved me, but you let them," I say.

Sam Lennord. Was eighteen when he was sentenced to ten years after he simply watched as his drunk friends raped me.

I don't know why they gave him ten fucking years! He could have saved me but he let them rape me! He let them touch me and laugh at me and tell me fucking sick things. If I had been able to talk during the veredict I would have yelled out every single thing they said and did to me. I was ten and my body wasn't developed as it is now, but they touched me. That is what matters.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. I almost laugh.

"I'm sorry? What the fuck is that going to do? Is that going to take away what your friends did to me? Is that going to take away what your fucking asshole friend, Jerry, did to me?" I snap at him wanting to strangle him. I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Lazuli, you okay?" Peridot asks me worridly. His voice brings me back to reality. I remember where I am, and that I'm here with him. Sam looks at Peridot. He must be somewhere in his mid-twenties.

"You didn't give a fuck that I was ten," I say. I stand up, his wallet still in my hand.

"Go fuck yourself," I say as I throw the wallet on the floor and start walking. I throw my hood on. My breath becomes short as I feel so many eyes on me. I hear footsteps behind me and Peridot catches up to me.

"Who was that? What did he do to you?" he asks. I don't dare look at him.

When we are finally away from all the judging eyes, rigged games, and hair ruining rides, Peridot speaks again, "Lazuli! What's going on?"

I take a deep breath and turn around to face him and I let the tears fall. I feel a lump in my throat. He's seen me cry before. He's seen me when I'm weak, just not at my weakest.

"Take me home," I plead in a low voice. If I speak any louder, I'm going to break down.

"Okay," he says. We walk in silence as I hug myself. I fight the urge to cry by digging my nails into the sleev me of my sweater. When we get to my porch, my shaking hands take their time to open the door and both of us go in. I don't say hi to Jane and I don't lock the door. Peridot locks it for me.

I go straight to the couch and sit. I curse and yell.

"Shit. Fucking shit! Fuck this shit!" I yell. Jane barks and Peridot crouches in fromt of me.

"Okay. Now you tell me. What the fuck is going on?" he asks.

I can't take it anymore.

I hug him and cry. I don't remember the last time I cried about what happened to me. I use to cry a lot until I got sick of feeling sorry for myself. I wanted to die. But Jane wouldn't let me.

Peridot sits in the couch and cradles me against him. I bury my head into his chest. I feel so small against him. When I finally calm down, I try to speak. I don't hesitate. I know it may only be the moment, but I trust him.

"I. I-I was raped when I was ten," I say. I feel him stiffen. I know this part. The part where they see me differently. The part where they don't know how to feel or what to say. Especially when it's a guy who tries to flirt with me

Peridot may not be like other guys, but he's still a guy.

"Was that the-" he starts. I know what he was going to ask.

"No. His four fucking freinds raped me and that fucking bitch just watched," I say. I've said rape so many times, and it has never gotten easier to say. It honestly shouldn't. And I hope it never does.

"They gave him ten fucking years!" I cry. He cradles me closer, one hand on my waist and another on my head.

"They must have let him out for good conduct," he says.

"Ten fucking years! I'm going to live fucking longer than fucking ten years!"

"Calm down," he says. Calm down? No one tells me to fucking calm down, bitch!

"How can I calm down when the guy who could have saved me but decided to let his drunk teenage friends fuck me up was let out in seven years instead of ten because he was nice with his cellmate but a complete asshole with me?" I yell hysterically as I clutch his shirt in my fist. I want to scream, kick, and break everything. But he holds me, and I don't want to move.

"Saying fuck in every sentence is not going to fix it," he says.

"Than what is?" I ask.

"I don't know. What happened after?" he asks.

"The four guys who raped me got eighteen years. They were crying. They were fucking crying!" I say. He rubs my head.

"It's human nature to ask for mercy," he says.

"I wish they were dead," I say, "I wish they fucking died!"

He doesn't say anything. If I were him, I don't know what I'd say either. It's not every day that someone really close tells you that they got raped by four older guys who were fucking drunk.

"What happened after?" he then asks.

"Honestly, I wish they would have just killed me. I wanted to die. I wanted to die so fucking bad. I didn't want to live. I had no friends. It was as if I didn't have parents. I had to go to therapy. I couldn't talk for months because of the shock. I only had Jane," I explain. Tears keep falling when I thought I had no more to spill.

"I wished so many times to die. I wanted to commit suicide. I wanted to kill myself. I tried to cut myself," I say. I try to keep going but I start to sob again and he squeezed me.

"Did you?" he asks. I see tears fall from his chin and I also see them as they roll down his neck.

"I never could. Jane wouldn't let me," I say. Once, I came home from school and I really couldn't take it. My dad had razors and construction instruments because he never wanted to call anyone if sinething was damaged. And if he couldn't, he would call my uncles. I took a razor from there and went to my room. In Jane's mind, she probably only wanted to play. She stood and leaned on my lap and she wouldn't get down. After a while, I gave up trying to move her.

I sit on Peridot's lap as he cradles me. His arm goes around my back and his hand rubs my arm. with his other hand, he takes me hand and my hand and our fingers interwine. He kisses my hand and I don't pull away this time.

"Do you still want to die?" he asks. I think for a moment.

"I don't know. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't," I say.

"We all gave breaking points," he says.

"Not everyone has been raped," I say.

"I don't know what to say, Lazuli," he says.

"No one ever does," I respond, "I've told quite a lot of people. No one understands and everyone cares. They tell their friends or their parents. And somehow they don't know how the whole school found out."

"Do you think I'm like them?" he asks. I hesitate.

"I don't know. Will you tell anyone?" I ask.

"No,"

"Do you still care about me?" I ask.

"I love you, Lazuli. That's not changing," he responds. I feel relieved when I hear him say that.

"And it pains me to see you like this. It makes me mad when you tell me that four guys took advantage of you," he says.

"They were more. They were older. And they were fucking drunk," I say, my voice cracking.

"I guess that's why you don't like me coming when I've drunk a little," he says. There is a moment if silence.

"Lazuli," he says, "Are yoy afraid of me?"

Afraid of him? Me? Why would I be afraid of him? He's shown me he really cares. Yet I can't help but let the never ending doubts stop be from trusting him completely.

I trusted him blindly when I told him that I got raped. And now he's asking me if I'm afraid of him. This has never happened to me before. I'm sure this has never happened to him either.

"Why would I be afraid of you?" I ask.

"I'm older. I'm stronger. And I drink," he says. My fear returns. He's misunderstanding me.

"That's not what I meant. You're not like them," I take a deep breath, "In the last seven years I've never felt more secure with anyone,"

I put my arms around his neck and hug him. He hugs me back, squeezing me. When we seperate, we stare at eachother. He puts his hand on the side of my face Then, after so many times lof being so close but never touching, our lips finally touch.

I don't know how to kiss. But he seems like an expert. His lips move against mine, and his tongue collides with mine. I've never felt like this before. Everything inside of me ignites. I've never kissed anyone. Peridot is my first kiss. And like in all of the cliches, all else disappears. I'll never forget this. His other hand goes to my waist, and he pulls me closer. My arm is around his neck, and my other hand squeezes the soace between his shoulder and neck. I can tell he's been wanting to do this. I let him. I let him pull me. I let him do whatever he's been wanting to do to me these last few months. I know what he feels for me. I've been feeling it too for the last few weeks.

I've never let any boy touch me, pull me, kiss me, or do anything Peridot does. His fingers crawl into my hair. I like him. Maybe I love him. And if I don't, I probably will. I told myself that I wans't going to get my hopes high. But it's too late to turn back now.

I hear Jane's bark, but I decide to ignore them. I don't want to end this small intimate moment with this boy. This boy who is two years older than I am. This boy who is a lot stronger than I am. This boy who likes to drink like every other boy his age. This boy who seems like he's kissed plenty of other girls. He's still a guy.

I pull away from him.

"How many other girls have you kissed?" I ask not looking at him. He puts his hands on my face.

"I've kissed plenty of girls. But those girls aren't you. I didn't love them like I love you," he says. Plenty of girls. He was probably other girl's first kiss too.

"Do you love me? Do you like me?" he asks me. Tears flood my eyes again.

"Yes! Yes. I have fucking feelings for you!" I admit.

"Than why are you doubting this? Why are you doubting us? Why are you doubting me? I love you, Lapis Lazuli," he says.

"Than prove it," I say.

"Stop flirting with other girls. Stop drinking whenever the fuck you feel like it. And stop picking fights after I ask you to stop!" I say. Then I hug him again.

"I'm going to give you a chance," I finally say. There is a moment of silence.

"I really can't take another disppointment," I whisper. We seperate and he looks at me. A faint smile on him. He tries to kiss me again. I turn my head and he kisses my cheek.

"Can we forget that that happened?" I ask him.

"Okay," he says. There is another moment of silence where we just sit there.

I do like him. If I'm being honest with myself, I never thought I would kiss a boy. I never thought a boy would sincerely love me like Peridot does. But, I don't want this to escalate anymore until he changes what I've asked him too. He can't say to love me while he flirts with other girls. He can't fight with whoever or whenever he feels like it. And he definately can't come to my house after every fight all bruised up and after drinking.

Now Prince Charming knows what happened to me. Now he knows that four older guys raped me. He knows that I wanted to die. He knows I went to therapy. He knows almost everything. The only important thing he doesn't know, is that I am HIV positive. That daily, at morning and at night, I take a pill to keep my immune system from failing. That I go to doctor appointments every couple of months so I don't die from a common cold. He only needs to know if this escalates.

But, what we do become more than just friends? What if, like every teenager, Peridot wants something to happen? I can't do that. I don't think he would ever ask me to do it after what I've just told him, but what if he does? What will I do? Being raped and getting HIV are two different things that aren't taken lightly. And I hope that if it comes to the point where I decide to tell him, he won't leave me. I've made myself believe that he loves me. I've fallen for his cliche catch frases and grins. I've fallen for Prince Charming. I've trusted a boy who could hurt me, but I'm going to take that chance. I'm going to give loving and life another chance.

"You hungry?" he asks me. Only then do I realize how hungry I am. I haven't eaten anything since that orange in lunch.

"A little," I respond.

"Me too. If you want I can go get pizza?" he says.

I know he can just run and leave. But Peridot won't do that to me. Even though I may get doubts, I trust him.

"Okay," I answer. I start craving chocolate again, but I don't want to bug him. I'll just check if there is any in the kitchen.

"Okay. I'll be back in, let's say, maybe twenty minutes," he says.

"Okay," I say again. I get off his lap and sit on the couch. Jane immediately jumps on the couch and starts trying to lift my hand with her nose. Her nose tickles because it is moist. She lays down on my lap and looks up at Peridot.

"Just wait until I get back," he tells her. He goes to the door and tries to open it. He swears under his breath.

"Lazuli," he says. I reach into my pocket and take out my keys. He opens the door and then leaves.

"I can't believe I told him that I like him," I say regtting everything that just happened. Jane looks up at me.

"And I can't believe they let that fucking asshole out three years early," I say. But what was he doing in Beach City? Out of all the places in the world, why here? Why today? I don't have answers, but I still hate him. I can't believe they let people like him out and free. What he let his friends do to me has no forgiving. I was ten. I was small.

I take off my shoes and turn the TV on.

As I wait for Peridot I watch SpongeBob. I went upstairs to throw water on my face, get a blanket and to turn n the AC at high. It's not cold. But I want it to be cold so I can put the damn blanket on. I still don't take off my sweater though. I'm not that desperate.

After watching two episodes of SpongeBob, I start to wonder if Peridot really did go for pizza or if it was just an excuse to leave and go home. I doubt because it's ben half an hour. I know I shouldn't. The pizza place could be loaded with people or they're simply taking too long to give it to him. Either way, my doubts eat me alive. And it hurts too much to doubt because I've let myself like him and he knows I like him. Because we kissed, well, I kissed him and he just went along with it. I know he wanted it. And I liked it. And I want it again. It felt nice, I felt special.

After the third SpongeBob episode starts, Jane gets up and starts barking at the door. I hear keys jingle. I'm glad all of my doubts were just that, doubts. I get up and help him with all the things he brought.

"I brought sluchies, pizza, and something extra I thought you might like," he says. He hands me a bag from the supermarket and a red slushie. I put those them on the coffee table and pull it over to the couch.

We both sit down and Jane jumps onto the couch, right next to me.

"Pizza or desert first?" he asks. I think of it for a moment.

"Pizza," I then repsond. He nods and takes out a small pizza box from a plastic bag. He takes out three paper plates and a big ball of aluminum foil.

"Two pizza slices for both of us and one for your mut. Two slushies for you and I. And garlic bread," he says. When he says garlic bread, I start to crave it. We each take a pizza slice and just start eating. We don't bother with washing our hands. I throw the blanket over my legs and I lean my weight onto Peridot and the couch.

"How often do you watch SpongeBob?" he asks.

"When there's nothing else that's good," I answer.

We watch, and eat. After I'm done with my first slice, I give Jane her slice. She eats it eagerly after looking at Peridot and I for like three seconds. I eat my other slice and I also eat the garlic bread which is so fucking good even if it is very greasy. I then pick up the big slushie cup.

"I've never had a slushie, to be honset," I say. Peridot's eyes widen.

"Never?" he asks sitting up straight. I shake my head. I drink it and I love it.

"It's good," I say.

That's what we do for the remaining three hours. Eat and watch SpongeBob. Luke eventually calls Peridot asking where we are. I remember how Scarlett kissed him and how I kissed Peridot. Peridot tells him that I wasn't feeling well. Luke asked if I was okay, Peridot said I was fine.

Peridot surpises me with a chocolate cheesecake. I was craving chocolate earlier and Peridot couldn't be more on point. He knows me. I wonder how he got all of this in half an hour, but it flatters me. Whatever the fuck he does, it works. Prince Charming is indeed charming. It took me so long to realize that. I eat almost whatever is left of the cheesecake.

When he leaves, I take a shower and take my pill. I go to sleep with Jane at my side. I hope he still loves me in the morning. I don't want to cry over another boy.

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Peridot's P.O.V.

I don't go to Amethyst's after Lazuli's. I go straight to the house which belongs to my step dad. To be honest, I'm still a little confused. But I still smile like an idiot. She kissed me. She kissed me. Then I kissed her back. I've kissed girls before, but Lazuli excites me. As she would say, it's cliche but it's true.

As I lay on Luke's bed as he tells me everything that happened with Scarlett.

"She asked-asked me if I like-liked her. And I got nervous and didn't what to-to sssay!" he stresses and rants about every little word. Then he tells me that he kissed her and I act as if I didn't know a single thing.

"So, is she your girlfriend now?" I ask.

"Umm, yeah. If we...had kissed but-but we wouldn't have-have-have started dating that would have been awk-awkward," he says. I think of when Lazuli kissed me. That was only earlier. But she only accepted to give me a chance, not to be my girlfriend.

"Well it wasn't awkward when Lazuli-" I remember how she asked me to forget the kiss. I honestly wish she wouldn't have l, but I respect her. It's obvious she really got hurt. She wanted to die. She tried to hurt herself. It pained me to see her cry so bad over something that happened years ago but that still effects her today. So many people have betrayed her, I wouldn't be the first to do that. But I will be the first to show her that not everyone is the same. That some people are worth everything.

"-told me she wasn't feeling well and asked me to take her home," I say fluently. I'm technically not lying.

"Why?" he asks.

"Because she wasn't feeling well," I say.

"Why?" he asks again.

"Because she's on her period," I say. There is a moment of silence.

"Why?" he then asks. I turn to look at him. Did he really just-

"We do not go there. You are too young for such knowlegde," I reply.

"I'm six-sixteen,"

"Exactly. Women, my young and foolish brother, perform a monthly satanic blood ritual in which food is aggressivly and sometimes moodily sacrificed. And no one, heed my warnings if you appreciate your life mon cher frère, no one ever questions a woman why," I answer putting my french expertice out there. I passed the profficiency and the regents. Wasn't that hard.

"It's not satanic rituals! Its-its ovaries that cannot get along and ssso they-they start fi-fighting and bleed. And-and they need food to keep fighting. But-but they only fight once a month. And when-when a girl get's older, her ovaries can't fight anymore. So-so, yeah," he says.

"And that's why you're my brother," I respond.

"That's why you love-love me," Luke says.

"That's why I love you, kid," I say. He smiles.

"So, have-have you asked Lapis to pro-prom?" he asks.

"Not yet," I say.

"I asked Scar," he says. My ears perk up like a dogs.

"I didn't actually think you would," I confess.

"She-she asked me how, because its-its only for seniors," he explains.

"You know, I was thinking the exact same thing," I answer.

"And-and I told her that I would sneak usss in," he explains more. I shake my head.

"No. Don't do that. Let me sneak you two in. Let your older brother do the dirty work," I say.

"I wouldn't mind," he says.

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll****Hey!!!****So there was a lot going on in this chapter. What did you all think? Did you like it? Did you not? If not don't be a jerk about it, just give suggestions and what I could improve on.****Have a good night/day, you all know the drill. Till next time.**


	32. Chapter 32

**In Seven Years**

**Lapis's P.O.V.**

The next day, after rehearsals, Peridot and I head to my house together.

Rehearsals as exhausting. Not only because of the singing, but because Luke and Scarlett start getring all lovey dovey and on all of us and also none of them will stop asking why Peridot and I left yesterday. Luke didn't push it much, but everyone else was a pain in the ass. I got angry and annoyed easily. Even though I normally do get annoyed easily, I guess I get a little more agressive when I'm on my period.

The second day is always the worst.

I feel like shit.

The whole day I soent thinking on what happened yesterday between Peridot and I. He doesn't act differently with me. He's totally normal. I don't see him speak to any girl, at least in a flirtatious way. Or at least not in any of the classes I have with him.

Still. Yesterday, I was decided that I wouldn't tell Peridot anything about my HIV until he changed and our relationship formalized. Yet I can't help but ask myself: would it be better to wait until we became a relationship or would it be better to let him know what he is getting into? He already knows I'm a mess, he knows I was raped, that I was severly depressed, but I feel like I should let him know.

He has been so understanding, so loving, so patient with me.

Peridot, I love him.

But will he understand my HIV as he understood me being raped?

We go into mt house and both of us head upstairs. Jane follows us. We take out our homework and I practically copy his math and science in whatever I don't understand which is practically every fucking question.

It's been a day and everything seems to be the same. Everything is normal. And it absolutely sucks. We're doing the exact same thing we always do. I'm copying his homework, he's flirting with me, Jane sits on the bed next to us, then he'll have to leave at eight when my parents get home from work. Suddenlty, our predictable routine has become a labyrinth. I don't want to do the same thing over and over again every single day for the rest of the year until we go to college where we probably won't even be in the same school.

I check the time on my phone. It's barely four yet.

"Peridot," I say. He looks up at me.

"What's up, Lazuli?" he asks.

"Do you wanna go out?" I ask. He grins.

"Lazuli, are you asking me out on a date?" he asks. My face reddens.

"No. More like, just, I, to you know," I take a breath and get my thoughts together, "It's a little boring and well, we're practically almost done with homework and then what will we do?"

It came out a fucking lot more as cliche shit than I wanted it to come out.

"So, what are you thinking?" he asks.

"I don't know. All I know is to get to school, to get to the pizzeria, and where the supermarket is," I assert. He thinks for a moment. There is some silence.

"Do you know how to ice skate?" he asks me.

"Ice skate?" I ask. I think to myself, "Not really. I went, I think, twice or so to an Ice Rink where I am from, but I really sucked ass, " I say. He laughs.

"How do you not know how to skate?" he asks.

"It's not one of my priorities!" I yell a little embarrased.

"Do you at least know how to roller skate?" he asks. I shake my head. He laughs a little more and Jane barks, standing up and waging her tail. Then they both stop and Jane sits.

"Okay. I'm going to take you ice skating," Peridot says, "after we finish this marh worksheet," he then adds. I look at him while he works out a problem on the paper. It's a little messy because he writes fast. But when he takes his time his handwriting is neat.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask him again.

"What that question that something?" he asks glancing up at me.

"Can I or not?" I ask.

"Yeah sure,"

"Did your records get messed up or were you really held back?" I ask.

"What do you think?" he asks looking at me while his hand keeps on writing with the led pencil.

"Why don't you tell me?" I ask.

"My records got mixed up, Lazuli. Sure, sometimes I comment innaproriate things, or call out, or am once in a while late to class, that does not mean I got held back. Believe it or not, I was am still am very smart, Lazuli," he explains.

"Show me your average on Pupil Path," I say.

"No," he says.

"Then you're lying to me," I answer.

"I'm not lying," he says.

"Please!" I plead.

"Not a chance," Peridot says.

"Fuck you!" I yell.

"Ladies first," he answers grinning. That grin still frastrates me.

I reach out my hand to grab his phone next to mine which Jane just so happens to be practically laying on top of. When I stick mt hand under her, she only stares at me. When I have his phone, Peridot grabs my wrist.

"Don't do it, Lazuli," he warns raising his eyebrow. I pull my hand away and turn it on. It's fucking locked.

"No!" I yell. He laughs.

"That's what you get for being nosey," he says.

"Please! Peridot!" I plead. After a moment, he finally stops laughing.

"Fine. Give it," I give him his phone and he unlocks it. He goes into Pupil Path and logs in and gives me his phone. My mouth falls open.

"They're all blue! How the fucking shit are they all blue?" I ask.

Pupil Path is an app that allows students and parents to see the student's grades. Blue means honors, you have to be in the 90s. Green means you are passing, from 70-89. Yellow means you're on borderline. You're almost failing. And red means you're failing, anything below a 65. My grades are rainbows of blue, green, red, and yellow. Peridot's are all blue. And allvare high nineties.

"Told you that I'm smart," he says.

"How the fucking shit do you have a ninty-eight for math?" I ask. He just grins. Why? Why does he have to grin all the time?

"Because I'm a smart ass," Peridot answers.

"I do not believe this. You did somethig to this," I answer.

"Okay. You said you would believe me. Make up your mind," he says.

"No. I'm on borderline for math, how the fuck-"

"It's not that hard if you just do your homework all by yourself,"

"Why do you think I don't do it all by myself? I have no fucking clue what any of this shit means," I say holding up the worksheet.

"You know, for the worksheets, they're online sometimes," he says. I widen my eyes.

"I'm so stupid! I could have just looked it up?" I ask. He nods.

"So, you wanna do this by yourself?" he then asks.

"Fuck no!" I say, "What if you do it and I copy?" I ask smiling. He grins.

"At least you're being honest," he says.

He does his homework and I copy him. Obviously I do everything in my own words and make one or two wrong so the teacher doesn't think I copied Peridot or starts to ask why I'm a fucking genius in my homework but a fucking ass on my tests.

After we almost finish our homework, we put our suff away and we head out.

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

**Jane's P.O.V.**

I thought we were going out. I thought we were going to play. But she always leaves me here all alone, standing still, doing nothing but waiting for her. She leaves every day except Saturdays and Sundays. She use to come back ealier, but now she she's less and less around.

We don't play as much as we use to. Sometimes we don't play at all. She doesn't listen to me.

And him, he's not one of us! Why is he here? I don' know him. And why is he here everyday? Why is he here? Who is he?

I wait for her. I sit, I lay down by the door, I don't move from there. It's very hot. But I don't move. I have nothing else to do but wait for her. I've been with her my whole life. She's all I've ever known.

She's my whole world even if I'm not hers.

So I keep waiting.

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

We walk to the ice rink.

When we get there and go in, I am immediately hit with the cold breeze. Both of us go up to the counter and ask how much it'll be for two adult tickets. The guy has black hair, brown eyes, and has glasses.

"Seven dollars per adult ticket and it's six dollars for skate rental, " the guy says in the coldest way possible. He looks very bored, and also rude. Peridot speaks.

"Two adult tickets and umm, also we'll rent two pairs of skates," he says.

"That'll be twenty-six dollars," he says. Peridot takes out twenty five bucks.

"You got a dollar?" he asks, "I don't have change."

I smile at him while squinting my eyes while I take out my wallet and take out a dollar and hand it to him. He takes it and gives it to the guy.

"Here are your bracelets, and you can step right up to the skate renting aisle," he says again. We tales our plastic bracelets and put them around our wrists before we go to the cunter to get skates.

"Take your sheos off," Peridot tells me while he does the same. I quickly just slip my shoes off and hold them.

"What size?" the guy asks. We give our sizes and get the skates, but we have to leave our shoes. We walk barefoot to a bench in front of the opening to go into the rink.

We sit next to eachother as we put on the skates and tie them. When he finishes, he gets up and helps me up. I balance myself on the blade that lies in the middle of the skate. I feel like I'm going to fall. I feel like I'm going to break something that is not my phone.

My feet do not do good at cooperating. I hold on to the edge instead of him, I don't want anyone to think we're together-together.

"Just let yourself go, Lazuli," he says.

"If I let myself go I'm going to fall onto the fucking ice!" I whisper scream.

"No swearing, Lazuli. There are kids here," Peridot than says.

"Fuck you!" I whisper.

"You love me," he says grinning.

"Fucking asshole," I say as I leave the side and go straight at him, but very very cautiously. He moves aside and lets me go.

"Peridot!" I yell. He takes my sleeve and pulls me to him.

"You know people are watching you," he warns.

"They're watching you too," I answer, "I'm sweating,"

"This is an ice rink, how are you sweatig?" he asks holding my wrists.

"Because I defy the laws of nature," I say.

"Come on," he says as he pulls me along with him.

"No. Wait. I need to pee. Let's go home," I say.

"You mean your house?" he asks grinning.

"Well, yes. My house. I'm starving," I say.

"Sure. We can order chinese," he suggests.

"Yeah, sure," I say rolling my eyes but still smiling.

"Come on," he says leading me the long way around to the exit. I slip once but he catches me and we continue. We take our skates off and then get our shoes.

My mind can't help but wander to what happened yesterday. To the Carnival, to Sam Lennord, and to what I confessed to Peridot yesterday. I can't help but remember that kiss. It was amazing. I know I like him, I will learn to love him, but I am on the fence on whether to tell him about my HIV now or further down. I really just want to get this last thing off my chest. It's the only thing he doesn't know about me. It would be so much easier if he knew. If he knew and he still loved me.

What would my parents say about this? What would they say if they found out that I hang out with a guy who is two years older than me, and that I am unofficially dating him?

I unintentionally start to fantasize about a life together. Were both of us grow up together, get married and just do everything together. A future where I am happy with a guy who loves me. I know it's too soon, but fantasizing doesn't hurt. I think about a scenario where we elope and run off to Australia for some reason. Where Luke is my brother in law. Where my children have green eyes and blond hair-

I stop and ask mysef: how do I feel about having children? Would I be willing too?

I shake my head. My mind is really fucked up right now. I need to calm down and not get ahead of myself. Like really not get ahead of myself. I am, after all, the one who told Peridot that I wanted to go slow. I'm being very childish. Peridot makes my mind be childish, but over all, we've kind of been the same.

They're all scenarios that will definitely never happen.

We get back to my house and Jane greets us as always. We sit on the couch and I make up my mind. My skin becomes hot from the shame of what I'm going to say, I don't even know how I'm going to say it, but I'll have to eventually. Better right now when we're only starting than later and risk everything we've had built by then. I ponder on how to even start.

He turns on the TV, and as always when someone turns in the TV it's on the exaggerated news that I never bother to watch because it is exaggerated as fuck!

"Peridot," I say. He doesn't look at me but stares at the TV instead.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"I needed to tell-" I start before he buts me off.

"Wait! Look!" he points to the television where some woman is on a bridge and there's a lot of police officers there. I read the subtitles under her.

A twenty-six year old man jumped off the bridge.

"Who was it?" I ask. Peridot takes out his phone and instead of taking mine out and doing the same, I wait for him too. It's honestly sometimes too much work to take my phone out and google something.

"A guy names Sam Lennord," he says. My eyes widen.

The guy who watched his friends rape me commited suicide?

"It says he jumped off this morning. He had recently gotten out of jail after watching...as...-" he looks at me before stopping. I stare at the floor. The only thing I hear is the woman on the television speaking.

I am shocked, puzzled, but I can't cry any tears for that man.

I will not lie. I am very surprised. But he deserved it. An injustice was done to me seven years ago, and not even dead can he make up for what he did to me those seven years ago. Not even with a million years of life can he give me back those seven years and couple of months of my life that went to waste.

Ten years.

That is unjustice.

He ruined my entire life and got less than a decade.

The HIV is going to be with me for the rest of my life. HIV is uncurable. It ruined me. No boy looks at me the same way. I'm not even sure if Peridot will look at me the same way. His opinion matters to me. It didn't at the start, but it does now.

"Peridot," I say.

I look down. I put my hands under my legs. I really don't know, and I hesitate a lot. But I'd have to tell him sooner or later, right?

"I have to tell you something," I say.

Once upon a time, it was very easy for me to tell someone what happened to me. After it happened a couple of times that I became wierd or a freak or the youngest non virgin girl in the class, it became harder until I completly shut the world out. If the world didn't want me, then I didn't need it. It was hard. It was cruel. I was their fool. Naive, needing something to believe in. Hoping that one day I could move on, hoping that one day I'll forget what happened to me. But I can't. It's not that easy to let go of what happened to me. I can't just let go of what happened to me.

"Yesterday, when I told yoy what happened to me. I didn't tell you something," I say. He moves closer to me and takes my hand. I don't pull away, but I don't grip his either. My heart races and I hear it thump in my ears. Despite my jeans, my shirt, and my oversized sweater, I feel cold and exposed.

"I-I," I start. I hesitate. Why do I hesitate? I trust him don't I?

The thing is, I like him, maybe I love him, and it's so hard to tell these things to the person you already see yourself with in the future. It's difficult to think that that future may come down because of someone else's doing.

"Peridot, I-" He looks at me. I know that if I don't say it now, I wont say it ever.

Just get on with it you fucking bitch!

"I have HIV," I say rapidly. I close my eyes and hold my breath. After a few brief seconds, I open my eyes again.

Fucking shit! What did I do? I did not just do that! I didn't tell the boy who says he loves me that I have HIV! What did you do, Lazuli?

I furrow my eyesbrows. Fuck you inner voice! I yell in my head.

After a moment, he takes my left arm with his hand and puts his other arm around me. He pulls me closer to him until my back is against his chest.

"What do you think I'm going to do now?" he asks. I remain quiet.

"You don't know?" he asks. I shake my head, "The exact same thing I did last time. I'm just going to be here for you."

I barely stop tears from falling. Not because I remember what happened to me or what I have, but because he's still here. I had to go through so much to end up attending Beach City High School and meeting him. I've never believed in fate or destiny and I never will. But wasn't this a pleasant coincidence? After so many rejections and so many disappointments there's a bot that will be here for me.

I can't stop smiling like an absolute idiot.

"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear anyone say that," I say stopping at times.

In total, it would be seven years, but it felt longer. Everything seemed to take so long because I wasn't having fun. Because I had no one but Jane. But now I have him. And I know for a fact that he's not going anywhere. He rests his head on mine.

"I love you, Lazuli. I have since the first time I saw you," he says. I giggle at that. I doubt that, but I'll let him gave it.

"Yesterday, I promised myself that I wouldn't tell you until we became, you know, official," I say.

"Then lets make it official. Be my girlfriend," he says.

I smile and hope he can't see my blush. I snuggle closer into his chest and let my head rest on his throat. Out of the corner of my eyes, I see Jane sitting on the couch next to us.

"Only if you do what I asked you yesterday," I say looking up at him.

"I'll give up drinking and fighting and I'll never even look at another girl again if you asked me to," he says.

I take a moment to respond but I don't hesitate.

"Okay. But it'll be a secret," I say. He hugs me tighter and laughs.

"I honestly thought you were going to say no!" he says. He laugh at his strength and at his laugh.

I hear Jane bark but I don't pay attention. I look to see her and watch her as she runs upstairs. I wonder what's wrong with her, but the door swings open. The front door. Peridot lets go of me and I stand up.

"Dad!" I say.

My dad stares at me and then at Peridot then back at me.

"Who is that? What is he doing here? Get out of mt house!" my dad says as he takes my wrist and pulls me away from Peridot. Peridor stands up.

"Dad. Dad, he's a friend from school," I say. I lie a lot. It does not mean I'm a fucking genius at it.

"A friend from school? I remember you! You were the one touching my daughter on the first day of school!" he says. I give Peridot a death stare and then try and calm my dad down.

"We were doing homework," I say.

"That's not what it looked like! Sit down, Lapis! You too, sit down," my dad. My skin becomes cold and my heart beat pulses in my ears. I sit down.

"Who are you?" my dad turns to Peridot.

"Peridot Di-Diamond," he says.

Fucking shit! Mother-fucking shit! I'm fucking screwed.

"What are you doing in my house?" Dad asks.

"Homework. Homework with your daughter," Peridot replies.

"Is that why you two were all snuggled up? How old are you?" he asks. My eyes shift to Peridot, but I am too afraid to turn.

Please lie! Please lie! Please lie!

"Umm, 19," he answers. Fucking bastard! You should have lied.

My dad looks at me and I stare at the floor.

"Since when, Lapis? Since when does he come to my house?" he asks.

"Every day since after the first week of school," I say. I don't know why I tell the truth. Maybe it's the fact that he's my dad. I'm sure he would have found out sooner or later. Like with Peridot and my HIV, it's better to come clean now.

"Tell me the truth. Is he your boyfriend?" my dad asks. I still stare at the floor and slowly nod.

"I thought I raised you better," he says. Those words hurt me.

"Have you two...had..." he doesn't dare finish his question.

"No," I say.

"Does he know?" Dad asks. Only then do I look up at him.

"That I got raped and that I have HIV, yes," I say it so casually I'm afraid I've made my dad more angry.

Just when life started to be tolerable, something has to go and fuck it up. Like, can I not have a moment of peace?

"You told him?" my dad asks obviously surprised. I nod. Did I not even just say it out loud?

"You don't know him," my dad says.

"Dad, I know him. He's not like that," I say. My dad looks at Peridot.

"You should have told us," I say. I really want to say something. I really want to say that they would have never let Peridot and I see eachother, but I remain quiet. I know exactly what he would say and I know exactly how he would get. He'd tell mom. And my mother would take me to the other side of the world to keep Peridot and I away from each other.

After a moment of silence, my sighs and points at Peridot, "You. Come with me. Lapis, stay here."

My dad eyes me carefully. He knows I am fully capable of going to my room and locking myself in, or saying that I was taking a shower, or that I had homework, or any lame excuse. But right now, I won't do that. Right now I have so much more to lose. Right now, I can lose the boy who loves me and has only just become my boyfriend a moment ago.

Peridot stands up and my dad starts to go up the stairs. Peridot gives me a look, as if saying that we're in trouble. I give a small smile.

I watch them go upstairs and only a moment after I hear a door close do I dare to quickly and stealthily run upstairs. I stay at the edge of the stairs to be able to get down quickly before they notice me.

I barely hear any english. I catch fragments and nothing I hear makes sense. I start to imagine what my dad might be asking, or saying, or insinuating, and what Peridot would be answering.

Then I hear one of them mention my name and the word HIV. Most likely it would be my dad. Peridot always calls me by my last name, but maybe he's calling me by my actual first name because it is my dad to who he is speaking to.

I don't hear Peridot's whole response. I hear something about feelings, intentions, and a couple of other things mixed in together. I hear him say that he loves me. I smile and blush at that. I really hope my dad understands. He is fully capable of understanding us and keeping the secret. But he is all the well capable of telling my mom. And my mom is not capable of understanding us.

Jane comes to me from my bedroom. She nuzzles my hand with her head and nose. I rub her ears as I try to continue to hear them.

I hear my dad say or ask something about me. I don't hear Peridot's answer. But I hear them as they start to go to the door. I panic, get up, and become suddenly become the flash as I race to the couch. I sit down, Jane follows me.

I look at Peridot. He looks at me with a small smile. I wish he could tell me what they talked about.

"Lapis, come with me. You, stay there," he says, again eyeing Peridot.

This time I go upstairs with my dad and Peridot stays downstairs on the couch with Jane. We go into' my parent's bedroom. Dad closes the door behind us.

"Okay. Tell me everything. How did this.." he gestures to the door but I know he means Peridot,"-happen?" he asks. I myself do not know how to answer.

"I didn't like him at first. But he convinced me to be in a musical, and his brother is amazing, and he really cares about me," I say so fast.

"Wait, what? You, you, are in a musical?" he asks, though I'm not sure if it's from surpise or concern. I realize I should have kept quiet.

"Did he force you too?" he asks.

"No. Dad, Peridot's only been there to help me," I say. He is silent for a moment.

"I have to tell you're mom," he says. It feels as though my heart as stopped.

"Dad, no! Please," I plead.

"You can't lie to her," my dad says.

"Dad. If mom finds out, she'll make us move again," I say.

"Wouldn't it be better that way?" he asks.

"Dad. For the first time in seven years, I feel normal, and someone treats me like a normal person. I have friends, I have a life," I say. I've acheived so much since I got here. So much in the last couple of months. How can they take me away from that?

"Lapis. It's not up to me. Your mom will know what to do," he says. He turns around for the door. I furrow my eyes brows as I grow mad. I grit my teeth and my hands turn into fists.

"You can't do this to me!" I yell. My dad turns around.

"What?" he asks.

"Dad. You remember what happened to me after what happened that night. You know what we went through," I say.

"I know, Lapis," he answers.

"Dad, if mom makes us move, that's going to happen again. You know she'll make us move. You know," I plead.

"Lapis-" he starts.

"Dad. He's not bad," I say. I pray that he won't say anything.

"What do you expect me to do, Lapis? Give that nineteen year old boy a hug and a warm welcome after you tell me that this has been going on for months and you kept this a secret?" he asks. I know he's right, but it's not fair.

It's not fair that everyone but me gets to be happy. It's not fair that everyone but me get's a choice.

I stay quiet. I want to cry. My life is about to fall apart again and I can't do anything about it.

We go downstairs and I sit next to Peridot but I don' look at him. I can't help but think that this is all my fault. That I ruined this. That I've ruined it all. If my dad decides to tell my mom, I'd also have ruined Peridot. I came here, he fell in love with me. I starting falling only weeks ago. But I will have broken him if I move. To me, he is forbidden, and to him, I am poison. We're both equally toxic. That makes me want him all the more. I can't leave. I swear, if they make me leave, I fucking swear, I'll kill myself.

I clear my head. I am dangerous to my own mind. With enough anger and sadness, I know I would be capable of doing it. Sometimes, I scare myself. The thought of another suicide. Sam Lennord didn't rape me, but by letting his drunk friends do so, it was almost as if he did too. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were the raped after the raper.

"I will be right back," my dad says as he goes into one of the rooms on the first floor. I turn to look at Peridot and he moves closer to me. He hugs me and I give in.

I hold his arm as he holds me tight. Peridot rubs my back and massages my head with his fingers.

"Peridot," I whisper, "If he tells my mom, she'll make us move." I really don't want to believe it.

"I'm not going to lose you, Lazuli," he says, "Not again." he says.

"What do you mean?" I ask, seperating slightly. He wipes tears away from my eyes.

"I promise I'll tell you later," he says.

My dad comes back and Peridot and I out space between us. His eyes seem a little pink stands in front of us and speaks, "My wife was right. You are a bad influence for my daughter," I glance over at Peridot, he stares at the floor too.

We all have our breaking points, he said to me yesterday.

"I thought I'd never see you again. I was sure thay my daughter wouldn't let you near her. I trusted my daughter," he says. My eyes blur and tears fall, yet not a single sound comes out of me. My dad turns to Peridot.

"I don't know what you did to her," he says before pausing.

"But it worked. It seems as I didn't know her enough," he says. Here it comes.

"In seven years, I've never heard or seen my daughter defend a young man or anyone," What? I look up. The fucking shi-

"In seven years, you told me you would never love anyone and that no one could ever love you," my dad says. With my mouth slightly open, my eyes wide, my face red, my neck wet, I stare at my dad in complete and utter confusion.

"Lapis, do you really love him? Do you really want this?" he asks me. I sit up straight. I nod. If I speak my voice will break. My bangs cover my eyebrows and the hair interwines with my eyelashes. Then he looks at Peridot.

"I'm not sure about you. I don't trust you. But if my daughter trusts you, I am willing to give you one chance. One opportunity. I will not tell my wife," he says. I close my eyes with relief.

"You screw it up, and you're dead," he says staring at Peridot. Peridot gives a small smile.

"Dad, thanks," I say.

"Don't thank me yet, Lapis," My dad says. I turn to look at Peridot and he looks at me too.

"You bring her here tomorrow right after school and then you leave and come back at four sharp," I turn to look at my dad, "You have a doctor's appointment tomorrow."

Fucking shit! I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, I totally forgot. Wait, but I also have rehearsals tomorrow after school. Fuck! And it's tomorrow that we're getting measured in for costumes and all that shit.

"Yes," Peridot answers.

I don't want to go to that doctor's appointment. It's such a nuisance. If I gain a couple of pounds I might only need to see the doctor every six months instead of every three or four months.

"Did you forget?" he asks.

"Dad, I have rehearsals tomorrow," I answer.

"I'm sorry, Lapis. But your appointments are very important," he says.

Having HIV sucks more at some times than at others. There is a moment of silence

"Did you finish your homework?" he asks.

"We have a little left," I respond.

"Then go do it. I want the door open," my dad says very clearly looking at Peridot.

Peridot and I stand up and go upstairs. When we are in my room, I smile and silently laugh. Peridot stares at me. It is obvious he also wants to laugh.

"Shut the fuck up, Lazuli," he whispers, but in a playful manner, "You're dad'll think I'm trying to do something to you,"

"It's just, nothing. I was fucking scared! My dad knows," I say calming down.

He takes my hand. Then he puts an arm around me and brings me closer. I put one arm on his shoulder with my hand ending behind his neck.

I feel such a relief. I feel a burden lift off my shoulders. I know for sure Peridot loves me. My dad is willing to give him a chance, for my sake.

"I love you, Lazuli," he says as his free hand caresses my face. I give in. I smile at the warmth of his hands. I feel like a fucking cliche. But I don't care.

"What did he ask you?" I ask Peridot.

"Your dad?" he asks me.

"No. The clown from It," I say sarcastically. _Who else would I be talking about?_

"He asked me what my intentions are with you," he answers.

"What did you say?"

"I told him the truth. He was like, what are your intetntions with my daughter. And I was like, I love her and I would never hurt her," he says.

"So a typical cliche?" I ask.

"Yeah," he answers.

"Away from eachother!" my dad comes in. Peridot and I seperate.

"A minimum of one foot of distance," my dad says.

"And do your homework. My wife will be back at eight and I want you gone by latest seven thirty," my dad points at him. He smiles nervously. I absolutely kinda love this even thouh it feels wierd to have my dad and my 19 year old boyfriend in the same room.

_Boyfriend. I didn't think I'd have one, one day. _

My dad leaves and I silently laugh again as I fall on my back over my bed. He lays down next to me.

"What's so funny?" he asks.

"Nothing," I answer as I calm down. He takes my hand, and I let him.

It may be cliche, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

**Hey!!**

**It's been a long time hasn't it. Something happened and I brought all the chapters down. But I copied and pasted them to some place so I wouldn't lose them. I forgot about them after a while until I got an email or whatever it's called and one of you asked about them and I thank you for doing so because I remembered. But they are back and here is the 32nd chapter!!!!**

**Anyway, what do you all think? About Lapis, and Peridot, and her dad, and Jane, and yeah! Let me know.**

**Have a good day/night, depending on where you live!!**


	33. Chapter 33

**Lost and Found**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

The next day, I go to school normally. I go to all of my classes as normal. Peridot and I act as usual in front of our friends and in lunch and everything. After school, we don't stay in rehearsals. Both of us leave.

We don't see Luke and Scarlett, which is a good sign. If we saw them or anyone else of our friends, they'd take us to rehearsals by force.

So after social studies, I kinda rudely ditched Amethyst since she told me to wait for her outside while she got her stuff together. I pretended to not hear her. It'll be fine. I hope.

I meet Peridot outside by the school's sign and then we walk together not really giving a fuck if people saw us together or not and who did and didn't. For the first time, I don't really care about that. I care more about why my dad told Peridot to come back at four today. And if we'll even make it in time.

"Why do you think you're dad wants me back at four?" Peridot asks me. I don't look at him.

"Why don't we think about the reasons he isn't inviting you for," I say.

"You're right. It should be a whole lot easier," he says.

I hook my arm around his and we walk slowly. It's not like we're in a hurry to get to my house. Then his phone rings.

"It's Luke," he says. Then my phone rings, too.

"Fuck. It's Amethyst. And Blue is texting me," I say. Just then, Amethyst hangs up and starts texting me too.

Amethyst- Peridot's not here

Then she sent on a separate text an emoji-like she's insinuating something.

Amethyst- You're with him aren't you

How the fuck does she know? I ask myself.

Amethyst- This is Snapchat

Amethyst- I know you're reading this

Fuck.

"Shit! Amethyst knows," I say.

"What?" he asks.

"Well, she doesn't know-know, but she definitely thinks you and I are together," I explain.

"Then just text her and say you were feeling sick. You could use your period as an excuse," he suggests. I smack his arm, "What did I do?" he asks while rubbing it.

"Why don't you yell it louder next time?" I sarcastically state.

"I could yell it to the whole world," he whispers slyly.

"Nope. Stop right there. I know that cliche catchphrase. You'll whisper whatever I asked you to say. And then I'll be like, why'd you whisper. And then you'll be like because you're my whole world and some shit," I explain as I text Amethyst on my phone.

Me- Peridot's not with me. I'm just feeling sick. Like, very, very, very, very, very sick.

Amethyst- Uh-huh

Amethyst- And I'm supposed to believe that because I'm stupid

Amethyst- It's obvious you two like each other

Amethyst- Face it Lapis!!

Me- Fuck you

Then I leave Snapchat.

"I've got Amethyst under control," I say.

"Fuck! Luke's calling me again," Peridot says.

"Then answer him," I say.

"No. You don't know Luke as I do," he insists.

"Well, Amethyst is probably telling everyone about her theory of you and I being together so you better answer and make something up before they find out her theory is a fucking fact!" I almost yell.

"You're scary sometimes," he says.

"Good," I answer. He picks up.

"Okay, okay, calm down...She's what?... I didn't know...Okay...No! I'm not with her...I'm," Peridot looks at me, "-helping Bella move her furniture...She canceled...He's at work. Besides, I'm strong enough to move it all...ha, ha, very mature...No. I don't know where she is...She's probably at home. I'll text her if that will make Amethyst stop staying that, though, I don't mind," he looks at me with that smirk. I smack him again and he backs a step away from me.

"Yeah, she does, but I still love her...This isn't on speaker, right?" he asks. My face becomes red and I start sweating, but it's not the fact that I'm wearing a dark blue sweater in summer.

"Okay...Bye," Peridot says, then hangs up. He looks at me, "Don't worry. It wasn't on speaker, and he knows I love you,"

I'm used to him telling me that he loves me and all that, but not in public. For that, my face gets redder.

"He's not supposed to know that we're dating," I scold him

"He doesn't know anything about this, swear. He just knows I love you. But he doesn't know about us or anything else," he says.

"He doesn't know about me? Not even the kiss?" I ask him as I remember that uncomfortable and awkward situation.

"No, he doesn't. I swear," Peridot says.

"Okay," Is all I say. I know he loves me, he's proved it. So why is it so hard to just believe without doubting? I like him. Why can't I just let him?

"Let's keep walking, I make a call to my alibi," Peridot says as he scrolls through his contacts and calls the woman who I saw when Amethyst ditched me in Peridot's house when he was sick. She said to be Blue's older sister.

"Hey, Bella. So, what're you doing?...really? Okay. Listen," he explains about Luke's call and asks her that if Luke calls, to say that he's helping her move the furniture and that if he asks to talk to him, to say that he'd just gone to the bathroom.

Once he's done, I speak, "I get the feeling that lying comes easy to you," I say.

"Years of practice of trying not to get caught until the deed is done means I still have the experience," he says. That only confuses me as we walk.

"What deeds?" I ask.

"Things. Good choices that go wrong, bad choices that go wrong. Always end up in the same place regardless of what I do," he says which suddenly makes me feel pity for him.

"You haven't gotten detention," I say.

"I can't hold my temper forever," he says.

"Peridot, no fighting. Remember," I say clinging to his arm.

"I know. Just know Lazuli, if I blow, they'll sure as fuck deserve it," he says. It makes me smile for some reason. We continue to walk through the agonizing heat, with a breeze that comes once in a while.

My house is in the middle of the street and I start to take my keys out at the curb. I open the door and Jane is standing on her back legs. In her full height, she almost reaches my head. I caress her head and scratch her ears as Peridot and I try to go inside. She goes through her pattern of standing in front of me, of twirling around in circles, shaking her whole body and then repeating. My dad comes from the kitchen.

"She smells you from blocks away," he says eyeing Peridot. Peridot with his noticeably big muscles and that sleeveless shirt with a delicate and thin fabric that just...well, let's just say it's a nice shirt.

"Mr. Lazuli," Peridot says.

"Peridot, yes. Thank you for bringing my daughter. We will be leaving and I expect you back at four," my dad says.

"Yes," he answers. Peridot looks at me, then turns around and leaves.

I go wash my teeth and leave my stuff in my room, only my phone, and my keys in my pocket. I think of taking a pad with me since I'm on my period, but because it's my third day, I decide against it. Besides, I believe it's going to be something quick.

My dad and I leave the house, with Jane staring at us while we leave.

"Do you really believe he loves you the way he says?" my dad asks. I look at him and then away.

The question catches me by surprise. The truth is I do. I do believe Peridot, and even if I didn't, I want to believe him. Peridot wouldn't lie to me. Yes, sometimes he is a little much of a flirt and things like that but that doesn't overcome the fact that he loves me. If he didn't, he wouldn't have stayed with me, he wouldn't have come back, he wouldn't know me as he does. He's trying to change for me.

"I do," I say.

"Why did you tell him about that, about you?" my dad asks.

I don't even know how to begin. I don't know I should tell him. Does he know Sam Lennord was released from jail early? Does he know that Lennord committed suicide?

He deserved that, didn't he? He deserved to die after what he didn't do. After he didn't help me. He deserved that and so much more.

"I don't know," I answer.

"How do you not know? You told him," my dad says. I look at the floor not sure how to answer.

"It was the moment, and he-he didn't, he understood, he-dad, he's not bad," I say struggling to find the right words. I don't know if he's going to trust me on that.

"Lapis, I-it's just-I'm not sure," he replies. There is a very awkward silence between us. Why can't the Earth just open up and swallow me whole?

"As you father, I have to be sure, I have to be a hundred percent certain this guy is good. I have to make sure you're okay. As your father, I also have to make sure you're happy. That you'll be fine. Then there's your mom," he explains.

"Will you tell her?" I ask.

"No. I...I'm not sure. The point is, if she finds out, she will end whatever it is you have with that boy!" he asserts, "She did it once, she can do it again.

"That's why I didn't want to tell anybody," I whisper.

"What? You were planning on keeping your relationship with that boy a secret? Were you even thinking of telling us ever?" my dad asks me. I realize I should have should keep my fucking mouth fucking shut.

"I don't know. I asked him to keep it a secret from our friends, and I wasn't sure about telling you guys. I was afraid," I say.

"Of what? Lapis, I'm your dad. If you can't trust me, then I'm doing something wrong," he says.

The shade of the lone trees and tall buildings protect us from the scorching sun. I glance at the sky and randomly think of something to take my mind off of what's going on.

The only thing that I can think of is global warming, or climate change, or whatever.

The sun is millions of kilometers from the Earth. How can something so far away have such a big effect on us? Without the sun, we're dead. Too close or too far, and we're dead. Bigger or smaller, and we're dead. Older or younger, and we're dead.

I think. I'm not really an active environmentalist. I'm not active at all.

"That's not what I meant," I say, trying to fix my failed use of the English language.

"Have you even met the boy's parents?" he asks.

"Well,-" I think, "I met his mom and his stepdad."

"Stepdad? Where's his father?" my dad asks. Why do you keep fucking up, Lazuli? I scream at myself. Then another part of me screams back, Shut it, internal voice!

"His dad kind of abandoned him and his brother when he was around twelve," I say. After I say it, I realize I might have just betrayed a secret he entrusted me with. Peridot has kept my secret without seeing me or treating me differently, yet I have given his up without much of an effort.

"What? Lapis. This boy could turn out like that," my dad says.

"What? How could you say that?" I ask.

"I'm not saying that he will. It's just that there is a probability that he might turn out just like his father," my dad explains. I turn to him in disbelief.

"Peridot would never do that, " I assert. I stare at him. I may be afraid of getting grounded, or my mom finding out, but this I cannot allow. I will not allow this. No one talks shit about my boyfriend except me, "You don't even know him! You haven't interacted with him daily, you haven't seen what he's done for me! You can't just say that because it's a 'probability'!"

I may be a fucking coward, I may be a depressed and fucked up bitch, but I'm no bystander. You do not want to fight with me over what I believe in because you will never win.

"Is this why you want him to come back later? To tell him in his face that he will grow up to be like his dad? You don't just say that to people. If anything, that should only make him respect and care for others a lot more. If he knows what it was like to get abandoned by his father, from what I know him, he would never want that to happen to someone else. So why would he do it?" I ask my dad. My dad just looks at me. I have surprised myself. I did not know I could be that deep.

Why would Peridot do that? Peridot may be a bit of a tomcat. A big flirt. But he's no asshole. Peridot wouldn't be capable of doing that. I don't- I refuse, to believe he is cold-blooded. Peridot wouldn't go around, have a child, and then just abandon them. He wouldn't do that. Not to anyone and certainly not to me. He loves me.

Why? Why do people have to judge so quickly? I do that sometimes. But it's only normal. I'm human. But I keep it to myself. I keep all the shit I think in my fucking head. I don't go around telling people that they're going to be fucking criminals because their parents were. The world would be a much darker place if it were. What if I told Marcy that she'll turn out like her mom? Single and with a child at a young age and having to work her ass off for a child without any support. What if I told Scarlet she was going to be a tyrant just because her mom is from England from where King George III reigned there during the end of the colonial periods? What if I had told Luke or Peridot that one or both of them were going to be like their father? Both of them probably would have stopped talking to me. I was sure as hell wouldn't let it slide if someone told me that I was going to end up as miserable as my parents and with a kid that felt the need to hide things and who also tried to kill themselves.

"Lapis...no. You're right," he says.

With that, we walk what remains of the walk-in silence. We go into the hospital and I'm already late for my appointment, so we go straight up and I pray that the way I'm leading my dad is the right way. I don't want to be late, but at the same time, I don't want to go.

And that brings me right back to blaming my fucking HIV.

I know for a fucking fact that if I didn't have HIV things would be different! Perhaps I wouldn't have met Peridot, but my life would be different. Yet I don't know what I would regret most if given the choice to change my fate: if losing my normality and friends again, or losing Peridot.

I've grown too attached to him. Not in a clingy or obsessive way. I'm not like that, but I've developed feelings for him that he already knows, which makes things a fucking lot harder.

We approach the counter where a woman sits on a chair typing on the keyboard, eyes glued into the computer. When we approach, she looks up and smiles.

"Good afternoon. What can I help you with?" she asks. I don't expect her to remember me but it would really be much easier.

"I have an appointment with Dr. Tyler at 3:20," I say. She types something on the computer which only makes me more nervous.

"Lapis Lazuli. Yes. And this is your father?" she asks. I nod.

"Yes, " I answer.

"Pleasure to meet you, " she presses a couple of buttons on the hospital phone and then picks up the phone and speaks, "John, you're 3:20, Lazuli is here, "

I wonder if she would still call Dr. Tyler by his first name if they weren't married.

Dr. Tyler comes through the glass door and smiles as he sees my dad and I. I can't help but think that it's all false.

It's all pity. This guy doesn't really care about me. I'm his patient and he my doctor. He's obligated to be nice to me and any other person like me.

"Good afternoon, I'm Lapis' father, " my dad says as he extends his hand to shake it. Dr. Tyler takes it and shakes it.

"Dr. Tyler, " my doctor says. Why the fuck are we still in the lobby? I ask myself. I only hope this will be quick.

We go through the doors and Dr. Tyler leads us to his office. I am very forgetful about some things. Names, faces, and ways to my doctor's office.

We go into his office and he goes behind his desk.

"Take a seat, Mr. Lazuli, and Lapis, " he says. He picks up a pen and starts writing.

"How have you been, Lapis?" he asks.

"Good, " I say. A lot of emotional roller coasters and encounters with the guy that let me get raped and my dad finding out that I have a boyfriend that's two years older than me, but I'm good.

"How's school?" he asks.

"Good, " I answer again. Fuck school.

"And how have you been feeling recently?" he asks. A little good, a little depressed, a little on my period, but, hey, I have a boyfriend, so great!

"Are all these questions necessary?" my dad asks

"Yes. Your daughter may have overcome her depression, but another one is always possible. Especially in a teenager's years, " he explains. I want to protest, but I secretly hope that my dad will listen to that and just let Peridot and I be.

"Okay, " my dad says. I can tell he's thinking about it.

He asks me a couple of more questions before he gets up and leads us to another room where my blood is drawn from my veins. I am glad it's over quickly. It hurt more than I remember. And it never hurt.

"If both of you have time, there is something I would like to show Lapis, " Dr. Tyler says. I check my phone and it's almost four. My dad turns to look at me. I look at him intently, letting him know that we cannot stand my boyfriend up.

"I'm sorry but we already have a compromise. It was a pleasure to meet you, " my dad and Dr. Tyler shake hands and then we are off.

I hate the hospital. Who doesn't? That's probably why I don't want to be a doctor.

"I'm glad that was quick, " I say.

"Text that boy to make sure he's on his way, " my dad says.

"His name is Peridot, " I retort in a low voice.

I take my phone from my sweater's pocket and open up Snapchat because why not?

Me- Where are you?

He answers almost immediately.

Peridot- On my way to your house.

Me- Ok. Us too.

Peridot- I wish I could tell Luke in case I don't make it.

Me- I'm kind of scared too.

"What are you writing?" he asks.

"Nothing. He's on his way, " I answer.

* * *

**Time Skip**

When we arrive at my house, Peridot is already there waiting for us.

My dad gives Peridot a glance before stepping onto the porch and taking his keys out. Peridot smiles nervously at my dad before turning to me after he turns his back. I take his hand and squeeze it reassuringly. We look at each other for a brief second, but I know we're both feeling afraid.

My dad has our fate in his hands. He can tell my mom, and then Peridot and I will be over. After seven years of grieving and being alone, I'm not going to give him up so easily.

Peridot is an amazing guy. He has flaws, like any guy, but he's so nice, so sincere, a little cliche, but still Peridot. He's hilarious and a couple of times comes up with stuff I've never heard, but he's just Peridot. He loves me. And even though I may not love-love him as he loves me, I will learn to. I like him a lot. So why not try? I'm not going to let anyone take that opportunity of happiness from me.

Peridot quickly puts a hand on the side of my face and kisses my forehead. I blush at the action.

"Hopefully, it'll be fine," he whispers. We separate before my dad turns back around to look at us.

"Let's go, " he says. I glance at Peridot once again, but he's not looking at me. He looks more nervous and afraid than I thought he'd be. Even though we could literally never see each other again after this, but he looks too nervous. He's hiding something.

All three of us go in and Peridot and I sit at opposite ends of the couch as my dad locks the door and then sits on the couch chair next to me.

"All right. So, we talked about this yesterday. And both of you gave me the short version of everything that's been going on. I want to know everything from the day you met to now, " he says. I turn to Peridot and he looks at me too.

"We met on the first day of school when Peridot almost ran me over wit-" I don't finish.

"What?" My dad almost screams, "You almost ran my daughter over?"

Peridot smiles, "Not something I'm exactly proud of, "

"But nothing happened, " I intervene before my dad starts accusing Peridot of attempted murder.

"We met again in homeroom at school. Then while you guys were at work, I-" I'm going to get in a lot of trouble for all of this, "I kind of left the house and left with him to a party, "

My dad simply stares at me in shock, "But I left almost right away. There were a lot of people-" more like there were people,"-so Peridot brought me home." I leave the part of the guys that tried to kidnap me and Peridot beating their sorry asses up, just to not give my dad another reason to say Peridot is a bad influence.

I tell him about how I didn't speak to him for the next entire week and then how Peridot starting talking to me. Obviously I leave out the part where Peridot gets into my room, or how he refused to leave, or how he knew so much about me without actually even knowing me, how he kept trying to kiss me. Not would he like the part where I literally sat on him and kissed him. I don't think my dad would enjoy the graphic details of that.

But I do tell him the good things Peridot has done for me.

For example, I tell him about how he was always complimenting me, about how he stayed with me during the lightning storm, how he pushed me to go out with our friends and do something with my life and be in that musical which is still fucking retarded but still. Making me do things against my will, will show my dad that he's inspiring me to be more productive and holy and less depressed and all that shit.

I just want this to be over and get on with life.

My dad asks Peridot about some things I say and he answers as plainly and with as less details as possible while still answering his question. He comments on some things and for a moment I believe things are going okay.

"All right. I know we spoke briefly yesterday, but I want to ask now that my daughter is here." he says.

"What are your intentions?' he asks.

Does anyone have to have an intention when they start a relationship? I know when someone is in a relationship it is for a reason, but does there have to be an intention, whether good or bad?

"Umm," Peridot looks at me, "Well, as I said yesterday," he turns back to my dad, "I love, Lapis-"

He actually said my name.

"You're a little too young to be in love, don't you think?" my dad raises and eye brow at him and looks at me.

"Yes, well, love is-" Peridot turns to me trying to think of something. Don't drag me into this! I didn't fucking tell you to say that!-"Ageless. Two small kids may love each other. They may be too young to date or marry to have a family, but they're in love. Two senior citizens may not know who they are and may be old but they nay still love each other. And unlike us, it never grows old." he says ever so cautiously.

My dad remains silent for a brief moment. But that is enough to get me scared that Peridot may have said something wrong.

"I liked your answer. What I don't like is that you're two years older than my daughter yet still in the same grade as her!"

Fucking shit.

"I'm supposed to be in college, but, when I moved here they mixed up my hospital records and so I repeated a grade. But that gave me a lot of free time to learn more things!" Peridot quickly saves himself.

"Like what?" he asks.

"In my free time I fixed my French and Spanish. Learned my roman numerals. I read a lot. I also started reading a lot on law and court cases from the supreme court and things that looked interesting. I studied about serial killers, dictators and a lot of things like that-" he says as I turn to look at him. Serial killers and dictators? Seriously? He just had to fuck it up? But apart from that he's perfect.

"Serial killers and dictators?" my dad asks surprised. Obviously he wasn't expecting that. Neither was I. How well do I actually I actually know the guy to who I've confessed my darkest secrets to?

"A lot of people found it weird but that has a lot to do with the what career I want," Peridot justifies himself.

"So you want to be a lawyer?" my dad asks.

"I'm still not exactly sure. All I know is law is what I want to study," Peridot explains.

"That is-" my dad pauses,"-interesting. But you still haven't answered my question."

"Yes. Well, as I was saying, I love her. And that's all. I just want her to be happy and I would never do anything to hurt her. I know that as her father, you're protective of Lapis, but I love her. Isn't part of protecting her, letting her experience and love too?" he asks. Fucking shit! That was way too daring! What the hell is he thinking?

My dad remains silent for a moment. I wonder what he'll tell Peridot. Peridot obviously crossed the line, my mind debates on what the best way for him to kick Peridot the fuck out and tell my mom.

"What are you afraid of?" my dad asks l, squinting his eyes.

"Nothing, " Peridot answers.

"Well, we can fix that up very quickly, " my dad replies which makes a chill go down my spine.

That was scary as fuck.

"Dad, " I say.

"Lapis, I believe Mr. Perfect has something he would like to tell you. I will be back in five minutes, " he says as he gets up and goes upstairs.

"What's he talking about?" I ask Peridot.

Peridot looks pale with eyes glued in front of him at the wall next to the TV.

"I didn't want you to know like this, " he says.

"I get that we're all a bit shaken, but can you please stop speaking as if I know what you mean?" I ask trying not to be rude. He looks at me cautiously before looking back in front to where he was looking before.

"Once you asked me how I knew so much about you when I didn't know you, " he says. I get impatient.

"And?" I ask.

"Well-okay, so- I umm, there's-fuck!" he says.

"Just say it, " I say.

"You and I have actually met before," he says, "I met you when you were five and I was seven, and I was the boy on the other side of the fence."

"What are you talking ab-" then it hits me.

He knew almost everything about me from the start. He calls me by my last name. He knew I sang. He kept saying things like, _'if I remember correctly', _and things like that. He has amazing and impossible grades. He's a great singer. And his father abandoned him. It all clicks. Everything makes so much sense now.

But still.

"You're not Perry, " I say.

"I am, " he says.

"No you're not! He was a fucking nerd! A small boy with trust issues!" I say.

"And he was also two years older than you. He also had a younger brother. His parents divorced and his mom remarried. And he fell in love with you too," Peridot says. I look at him intently.

"You're serious?" I ask. He nods.

I laugh and get up abruptly. Then everything goes black.

* * *

**Peridot's P.O.V.**

She laughs for some odd reason. She gets up laughing and then just stops and falls. Before she can hit the ground, I grab her wrist and grab the pocket of her sweater and pick her up.

"Lazuli?" I ask as I start to panic.

"Lazuli! You're dad is going to kill me!" I say. I grab her right wrist and gently push my thumb on it trying to find her pulse.

"Oh, thank God, " I whisper to myself.

I put my right arm under her back and and my left arm behind her knees and lift her up, bridal style. Except I thought that the next time I'd sweep Lazuli off of her feet was when we got married. Not like I actually fantasize about that. I'm not obsessed. I just have a big imagination.

"Lazuli?" I pathetically try to wake her up. I lightly pat her cheeks, "Lazuli!"

Her head moves slightly, and not just from the force of gravity that pulls us all down on the ground.

* * *

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

When I regain my senses, Peridot is staring at me. And he is also carrying me. I blush.

"Put me down!" I say. He puts me down on the couch and then sits next to me.

"Who's being cliche now?" he asks.

"What happened?" I ask.

"You kind of fainted for about a minute or two, " he explains.

Then I remember what happened. I look at him and I can't believe it. It's hard to believe I spent five years living next to the boy I had grown to love without ever seeing his face.

"It can't be you," I say. I put my hand on the side of his face and look at him as if seeing him for the first time. I can't really stop the tears from forming in my eyes, "It can't be," I shake my head. He takes my hand.

"But it is, " he says.

I put my arms around his neck and do my best to not cry.

"How did you know who I was?" I ask doing everything humanly possible to keep my voice from breaking.

"I have a really good memory. And you're voice didn't change much. Apart from that, I actually saw you a couple of times, " he says.

"You left, " I say abruptly.

"Mom was getting married and we came here to live with her husband, " he explains.

"It can't be, " I repeat.

He hugs me tightly and tears fall. I cry silently and don't let it be heard.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask him.

"I didn't think you'd believe me. I thought that if I could make you love me without knowing who I was, we'd both know if it would actually work out without a fence between us, " he explains, chuckling lightly at the last part.

"I have so many questions, " I say.

"Me too, " Peridot replies. There is silence for a moment. A moment where he just holds me without saying anything. A moment meant to just sit there comfortably in each other's company without feeling the need to say anything. A moment to take it all in.

"I love you," he says after the moment of silence. I take a moment to respond.

"Me too," I reply.

"You love me?" he asks ever so stupidly.

"No. I love myself," I say sarcastically. We laugh softly.

"You're a rose among thorns, Lazuli," he whispers.

I smile. _A poisonous rose,_ I want to say, but I let him flattery me.

* * *

**Time Skip**

After Peridot leaves and mom comes home, we eat. I eat gleefully. After all, there is something for me to be gleeful about.

Then this happens.

"Karla, something happened today," my dad says. My fork falls. And I almost choke on my food. My parents stare at me as I gulp down large sips of water at a time that should have made me choking a lot easier. After I calm down and try to steady my breathing and my racing heart.

_Best way to put it, dad_.

"What happened?" she ask, peeling her eyes away from me and onto dad.

I grab my fork and go to the sink to rinse it.

I don't believe my dad will tell my mom. Nevertheless, doubt still clouds my mind. My skin feels cold and my heart races. When I sit back down my dad starts to speak again.

"Well, Lapis-" my dad doesn't look at me, nor does my mom, dad just keeps on speaking, "her doctor is a really nice and trustable guy and she has parent teacher confrences in two weeks," he say, which relieves me of my stress and I drink my glass water to refresh my dry throat. My water tastes delicious.

After dinner, I go upstairs and shower while Jane lies on my bed on top of my phone. When I am ready for bed, my dad comes in.

"Lapis," he starts.

"Thanks for not telling mom," I say. He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"For now. The truth comes out eventually one way or another. But for now, I'll just be oberving that boy," dad explains.

I've only just realised my dad always refers to Peridot as that boy as if his very name were toxic. As if the worst thing possible could happen that could cause a domino affect of other cautostrophic events. But I'm probably overthinking it. He's my dad, he's just being protective. It's what dads do. I must just be thinking of US history in the Cold War with the Soviet Union and the US with communism versus democracy or World War I. Either way, any one of them works.

* * *

**Hello****! What's up? I know I didn't update last month, but here it is!**

**How did you like it? Let me know.**

**Anyway, have a good night/day, wherever it is you live!**


	34. Chapter 34

**The Meaning of Love**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

Two weeks pass with my dad calling every single day after rehearsals jus to check on us. After three days, it gets annoying.

Today, will be the last day the whole cast will be together until like, next month, which is like two weeks. But that day will be our first dance rehearsal. And I am not excited about that. I'll look really bad and it will be extremely embarrassing.

While Jamie works with Steven and the male cast on his very big and amazingly hilarious number as King George III, I copy Peridot's science homework. My handwriting, for once, is surprisingly decent. I write it in pen.

"Hey, guys?" Blue asks. I turn to her while finishing the big complicated science words I'm never going to use in my life.

"Yeah?" I ask her.

"Do you guys think there's a difference between definition and meaning?" she asks. Before I even have time to process it, Peridot beats me to it.

"A lot of people may say there isn't, but in my opinion there is. A subtle one, but quite significant. Definition is the definite value people without morals have put on certain things while meaning is the personal significance individuals put on different things," Peridot explains.

I turn to look at Prince Charming with his amazing hot crooked grin l, soft blond hair, and forest green eyes that I can get lost in and wouldn't mind at all. Since when did I get so cliche? Anyway, I can't believe I didn't figure out who he was sooner. Peridot may have had his reasons not to tell me, but I still believe it would have facilitated his advances on me a lot. I fell in love with the guy on the other side of the fence even though he was such a nerd.

"Wow, thanks," Blue says as she looks down at a notebook on her desk and starts writing rapidly though I wonder how she even remembers what Peridot said if I just forgot everything.

"What're you writing?" I ask her.

"Oh, it's just a hobby. I like to ask questions like these and see what different people say," she explains.

"Really? How many people have you asked?" I ask.

"So far, five people," she says.

"What other questions you got? I'm feeling deep and poetic today," Peridot asks. Luke and Scarlett turn around in their seats, and I turn to my right to find Amethyst, Ruby, and Sapphire also intent. Blue finishes writing and looks up. She smiles as she looks at all of us.

"We game," Amethyst says.

Her smile reaches her eyes as her eyes settle on me. She looks back down on her notebook and flips through pages, ocassionaly pausing on a couple hut mumbling things like 'no', 'too complicated', 'no space', 'maybe later', until she finally stops on one page and looks up. She looks at Luke and Scarlett, Ruby and Sapphire, Amethyst, and then she looks at Peridot and I. The only problem I have with that look, is that she looked at Peridot and I, the same way she looked at Luke, Scarlett, Ruby, and Sapphire. As a couple. And I am not joking. Amethyst is unknowingly third wheeling here.

"Okay. What is the meaning of love?" Blue asks us.

Almost automatically I respond, "Complete trust,"

"With the right amount of lust," Peridot adds. I turn to him with that face saying, the fuck?

"Ignore what he said," I say turning around to Blue.

"And affection-" Luke starts.

"And details between all ends," Scarlett finishes.

"And betrayal," Amethyst says. I turn to her with the same face I gave Peridot.

"Ignore that too," I say.

"With-" Ruby starts but Sapphire cuts in with her low and soft yet demanding voice.

"Respect and loyalty. Forgive me, but you would have not found the right words," Sapphire says.

Sapphire is a psychic. Every time she does something like this, I am convinced more that she is an Oracle that speaks with clarity of what will happen instead of talking in rhymes and phrases with no meaning.

"Umm, okay," Ruby says.

I turn back to Blue who finishes up writing every we said. She writes fast, her handwriting is messy and small.

"Blue, you have what my father would call, doctor's handwriting," Scarlett says as she sticks her hand into a dorito bag Luke holds up for her.

Luke really is like a mini-Peridot. Though I don't believe him to be as reckless or daring as Peridot, he looks at Scarlett the same way Peridot looks at me. With a spark in his eyes as if he were watching the most spectacular fireworks show in his life. Obviously his life doesn't revolve around Scarlett, but when they are together, you'd have to be blind to not see the magnetic field pulling them together. Like Luke and Scarlett, Peridot's life doesn't revolve around me, and mine doesn't revolve around him. We don't depend completely on each other. It's a great help with keeping our relationship a secret from everyone.

"What kind of handwriting is that?" Blue asks as she finishes writing and looks up at her.

"Handwriting that is just understandable," Scarlett says smiling.

"It's not that bad. At least my teacher can read it," Blue says with a smile.

"That it is true," Scarlett says. Her british accent and long red hair make her sound and look, smarter and older than she actually is. While everyone around us talks, I ask Peridot again for his science homework. He gives it to me without hesitating. One of the good things about having a smart ass guy for a boyfriend, free science and math answers. And apart from being a smart ass, he's a fucking good looking smart ass. Just a perk to the whole relationship ordeal.

I see him staring at me through the corner of my eye and I smile, half with embarrassment, half because I am flattered. I'm glad everyone else is pre-occupied with their own conversations and work.

"Stop looking at me," I half whisper.

"Why?" he asks.

"Because. There are people here, and, just because," I say.

"Best explanation ever. You know sooner or later they're going to find out. One way or another," he tells me.

"But not through us. You nor me will say anything. And they won't find out today," I say.

I'm happy. And I want to keep it to myself. I want to keep my relationship a secret as long as I can. It'll be something intimite. If everyone finds out, it won't be so private. It'll be something everyone knows and it won't seem so special anymore. Romantic relationships are better when ot's just two people and no one else is there to judge or suggest or anything. It makes it unique.

But another reason I want to keep it a secret is because of Pearl. I'm not afraid of her, but I don't want another problem when things are finally settling down.

"Fine," he says. I finish copying his science homework and I give it back to him. Then I start to do my social studies homework which is extremely easy.

And that, is when Jamie calls us all back around the piano. Peridot and I stand next to eachother and share a lyric sheet.

For the last fifteen minutes, we practice and perfect the first and last songs, Alexander Hamilton and Who lives, Who Dies, Who Tells your Story?

For Alexander Hamilton I barely have any more solo lyrics than Peridot does. And that is saying a lot because Peridot is the fucking lead here. But Who Lives, Who Does, Who Tells Your Story. I fucking steal that song. I finish that song. I practically finish the whole musical. I brag about that to Peridot because he is the lead and he doesn't even say a single word or noise in the last song.

I get to sing my part in Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story. We get to the end of the song with few interuptions. I smile at myself. Even though I'm still not exactly thrilled at starring at a musical at my high school, there's nothing I can do about it, so I might as well make the most of it. I have't really practiced as you might say practice, but I listen to every morning when I walk to school. Really, the only thing I have to work on(according to Jamie) is putting emotion into my singing.

He says I need a lot of emotion. Apparently, I'm too nuetral! And when I'm not neutral, I'm bitter and depressed. I'm sorrh but it's not my fucking faut that I haven't lost husband and my eldest son in real life. Must be because I'm seventeen and this is the fucking twenty-first century!

When rehearsals end, Peridot and I take our time so no one see us leave together. When we leave school, we make sure no one is there, then we both walk out. He takes my hand and we walk like that for a couple of minutes. He jokes around telling me about what happened in the periods in which I'm not in his class. I slip out of his hand and hook my arm around his.

"And my social studies teacher, she was all like, you're all going to fail and a bunch of other shit. Just because some people didn't give in the homework," he says.

"How many people didn't give it in?" I ask.

"Nearly the whole class," he says.

"Let me rephrase. How many people gave it in?" I ask.

"Like three," he respond.

"Did you give it in?" I ask looking up at him.

"Of course, I did. I gave a nintyeight on her class," he respond.

"Just out of curiosity, what did you get on the social studies regents?" I ask.

"Which one?"

"Umm, US History,"

"Oh, umm, I forgot. Let me check," Peridot takes his phone out.

"I got a 97," he says. I smile at myself, "What are you smiling about?"

"I got a one hundred!" I say rubbing it in.

"You took it last year?" he asks.

"Well yeah. Didn't you?" I ask.

"Nope I took it in eight grade!" he rubs that in.

"You did not," I say.

"I did. I took the ELA Composition, US History, Living Enviorment, and Algebra 1 in Eight grade!" he says.

"You did not," I repeat.

"I did. They were called Regents Classes back in my middle school. They were the top four classes. In the Regents Classes we also took the French profficiency which is one of the reasons I am a natural at the language of love," he whispers it right in my ear which tickles.

"You're smart but you're not that much of a fucking smart ass," I say.

"I am, Lazuli. I am as you say, 'a fucking smart ass,'" he says. We both laugh.

"Wait, so couldn't you have graduated last year?" I ask.

"Technically yes. But instead of going straight to college, I decided to stay the year. Do college classes without much pressure and hey it's free!" he says, "Everything free is good!"

"True though," I say.

"But then if I would have gone, I woudln't have met you either," he says.

"Reunited. Met is something else," I state.

"You surprise me," he says.

"You surprise me too," I reply.

Then Peridot freezes and turns around.

"You okay?" I ask.

It's still day, so there is still a lot of light. When I look where he is looking, I'm actually kind of scared.

There's always a bunch of guys that are just there waiting for someone to employ them. And for some reason, it's always just the Mexican guys. But I'm not judging from that. I'm judging from the fact that they're always speaking to women saying fucking things that an older guy shouldn't be saying to a younger girl or any girl for the matter of fact. And not only that, but a couple of them are always fucking drunk.

I take a step back because I'm afraid. They've never said anything to me because I always walk on the opposite side. I've been cautious. Yet still, we've somehow managed to end up walking through a pack of these guys.

"Se te perdio algo?" Peridot asks the guys but in a really demanding voice. My years of spanish classes kick in.

"You speak spanish?" I ask under my breath, though I speak too low for him to hear.

"Te pregunte algo!"

"Y si, si que? Que nos vas a hacer?" one of the guys answers. Clearly, they do not know my boyfriend.

The only thing I find funny in this awkward and scary situation is that Peridot is almost taller than all of them.

"Esto!" Before I have time to say anything, Peridot punches the guy across the face. Peridot punches the guy so hard, he falls to the floor. The other guys huddle around their fallen comerade.

I snap put of my trance of fear and grab Peridot's arm and pull him back. He fights against me, but I manage to put his senses back into his brain.

"Let's go!" I tell him. He looks at me and then for some reason he takes off running. He stops, turns, grabs my wrist, and takes off running again. My steps falter a bit, but I manage.

We run. I pant because I've never been good at running, especially with a heavy backpack on, a guy pulling me by my wrist, while running from another pack of guys my boyfriend just picked a fucking feud with!

It's almost four. It's plain daylight, and this feels as though this should have happened at night.

After an unbearable minute of running and being dragged, Peridot pulls me around a corner and my back, my backpack rather, hits the wall.

Fucking shit.

As I pant and put my hands on my knees, I say through breaths, "Fucking latin too,"

"Barely. Though I do know a little bit of Greek," he says.

"How?" I ask.

"My dad was half greek," he responds in a lower voice.

"Okay. Anyway, what happened back there?" I ask.

"You didn't hear what they said?" he asks me.

"No. What did they say?" I ask.

"Nothing," he answers.

"Tell me," I say.

"No," he answers.

"Yes,"

"It's not important,"

"If it makes you punch someone then yes, it is important," I answer. He hesitates.

"Things, Lazuli. Things. Things I don't want to say. Lets just leave it there," he says. I decide not to push it. He's usually really open on things, when he doesn't want to be, then its usually for a good reason. And to be honest, I'm not sure if I want to know the reason.

"Let's just go home," I say.

We walk and I try to make small talk. When we get to my house, I unlock the door and Jane greets me, completely ignoring Peridot. Jane follows us upstairs.

Peridot is awfully quiet. He's been so cheeful all day, so him. And now he's just so quiet which is nothing like him. Jane does something peculiar. She grabs her kangaroo toy and puts it on Peridot's lap. She looks at him and then at me. I put my backpack down and sit next to him on my bed.

"What's wrong?" I ask. I've never seen him like this.

"Lazuli." he says. His voice breaks. He starts crying.

I didn't think he would cry. He's Peridot. Too everyone, Peridot is unbreakable, yet here he is crying. _We all have our brealing points_, that's what he said to me. And here he is, at his breaking point. Something terrible must have happened for him to break this bad.

I put my arms around him and he puts his head on my shoulder. He snuggles his face against my neck which makes me blush and smile from nervousness.

"What's wrong?" I ask again but more softly this time. I rub his back as he crying dies.

"I-my," his sobs interupt his words. I put a hand on his head.

"Okay, calm down. Take a deep breath," I say softly. _When did I become a mother? _I ask myself.

He listen to me and takes deep breaths. He calms down before speak.

"My mom is pregnant," his voice cracks again.

My mind goes blank.

Peridot's mom is pregant. And he's upset about that.

"There's more?" I ask.

"She's pregnant with fucking Stephan's kid!" he yells into my neck. It startles me.

"My-my mom, she's-she's my mom! Stephan's not my dad, Lazuli! This wasn't supposed to happen!" he says, sobbing. I rub his head, not knowing exactly what to say. My eyes tear even though I'm though I'm not sure why.

"Peridot," I say. I really have no clue what's going on, "It's okay,"

"It's my fault. It's all my fault. It's my fucking fault this is happening," he says. I open my mouth to contradict me, but he beats me to it.

"My mom and my dad had mr at a young age. They were teenagers, just seniors in high school. My parents, they-they did what they did, they had sex and I-I-" he takes a moment as a sob breaks his sentence, "I was a mistake. A fucking accident!"

Since I've met him, he's always been so cheerful. He was so open about everything, even when I insinuated that he was a player. The only subject that's ever been touchy for him, is his father who abandoned him and Luke. And even then, he's never cried. At least not like this.

Two weeks ago when I confessed that I have HIV and that I was raped, he teared up, but he didn't cry. Not like this. He didn't break down. I didn't think it possible. The Peridot everyone knows doesn't cry or break down or blame himself saying his own life was a mistake.

I once thought like that. Once, I blamed myself for what happened to me. I thought it really was my fault. But it wasn't. Nothing justified rape. Yet I still blamed myself. I thought no one loved me. I thought that it was my fault that everyone was so cold with me. If someone looked at me weird, it was my fault. If someone stopped talking to me, it was my fault. If the car broke down mid-winter on the way to the doctor's appointment, it was my fault. Everything was my fault. Even if I had nothing to do with it. The only thing worse than feeling like your existence has ruined everyhting is seeing someone you love blame themselves for something they had no control over.

"Peridot-" I start, but he interupts.

"It was my fault my parents had to be together, and then it was my fault they divorced. I was a wimp. I couldn't stick up for myself. So because of me they seperated and he abandoned us," he continues, "And now it's my fault my mom's going to have a kid with that guy!"

I hold him tighter.

"You are not a mistake, Peridot. Even if you were an accident," I say, "Being an accident doesn't make you a mistake,"

My eyes tear up at my own words.

"Have you talked with your mom? Or Luke?" I ask.

I don't know how Luke would respond to Peridot telling him this, nor do I know their mom enough to know either. I doubt he's spoken to them. Talking about stuff like this to anyone isn't easy. I never speak to my parents about stuff like this willingly, much less did I tell my psychiatrist, or anyone else who was supposed to help me. Only Jane ever knew how I felt, my thoughts, and how badly I wanted to end my life.

For some reason, it's easier to speak with friend then it is to parents or family. There's some sort f different trust and some reason you can confide in them and not your own parents. I told stuff to Marcy sometimes. She always told me to think positive, to tell me parents, that things would get better, it never seemed to be true. But I guess I just needed someone to speak to who wasn't going to freak out and make me be on a higher dose of anti-depressants.

"No," he manages to say.

"Lazuli," he pauses. He seperates from me and puts his hands on the side of my face, but he doesn't look at me. He looks down, "What-what if I turn out to be like him?"

I told my dad two weeks ago that Peridot had. a father who abandoned him. My dad said the exact same thing. That theres was a probabilprobability that Peridot would turn out like his father. I didn't believe it. I know Peridot enough to know that he wouldn't be capable of doing something like that. I refuse to believe something so ridiculous. I refuse to let him believe something like that.

"No. You won't. You're not like that," I say.

"I'm sorry," he says. After a few more minutes of breathing and silence, he calms down.

"Is that how you really feel?" I ask him.

"Sometimes," he responds.

"You're not a mistake. Just like you told me, we all have breaking points," I say, rubbing his back.

"How long have you felt like this?" I ask.

"A really long time," he responds.

"You never stopped feeling lonely, did you?" I ask.

"Not really."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask.

"I don't like to think about those things. But when mom told us that she was pregnant a day ago, I realised that I felt worse than I let on. When those assholes said what they said and when you asked me from where I knew Spanish, I started to feel really bad," he says. He sniffles. I put my hand on his soft blond hair.

"We're not mistakes. Maybe accidents, but not mistakes," I say. Peridot snuggles his head against my neck and I hear the softest of chuckle.

"That was pretty cliche," he says. I giggle lightly.

"Look who's talking, Prince Charming," I say.

We sit there for a couple of minutes in silence. Jane stares at us, mostly at me though. I smile at her. She yawns and lays down, her head on her paws.

These last few days have been so quiet, so tranquil, so lovely. Everything seemed fine to me. But apparently it's not. How could I had not known how he felt? He knows so much about me, it feels bad to feel like I can't tell when he's upset. If I had known, I would hav done something sooner. I would have helped him. I would have done something, anything.

"You want to go on a date with me?" he asks lowly.

"You were just crying a moment ago, and now you're asking me on a date?" I ask. He really is unbelievable.

"Should I do more crying?" he asks.

"No," I say.

"So your answer?"

I don't know why I hesitate. I like him, and we don't have any secrets from each other.

I thought that love solved every problem. And I guess maybe it doesn't, but it does make them a lot more bearable.

"Yes," I say.

"Tomorrow? After rehearsals," he says.

"To where?" I ask.

"I'll give you a choice. Movie theatre or dinner," he says.

"Diner?" I ask.

"Yeah. We can go to a restaurant or a diner, and eat something. Or we can go see a movie," he explains.

"Well definately not dinner," I say.

"Then movie theatre it is," he says.

"But what'll we watch?" I ask.

"Umm," he thinks. Then he separates from me and tale his phone out. He rubs his red eyes and starts typing stuff into his phone.

"I mean, there's Frozen II if you want to go see that, or we could watch-I think they still have the Joker in theatres too," he starts suggesting more movies and telling me what he thinks of each of them.

I smile. _At least he's not crying anymore,_ I think to myself. But I know he's still upset. I can tell from personal expirience. It's not easy when you think everything is your fault, much less when it actually is. He hasn't done anything wrong though and this isn't about me. I'll do everything I can to keep him from blaming himself, to keep him distracted from that thought.

"So what do you think?" he asks me.

"What?" I ask.

"Where you listening?" he asks.

"Umm, of course I was. Umm, but just in case, can you repeat the choices?" I ask. He just smiles and puts an arm around me.

"Why don't we just watch Frozen?" he suggests.

"Isn't it kind of childish?" I ask.

"Frozen, childish? Never heard of such juxtaposition," he says.

_"_What the fuck is juxtaposition?" I ask.

"A rhetorical device from the AP Language class I took in 9th grade," he says.

"Wow. Because that totally answers my question," I sarcastically state. I slip my hand into his. He puts his phone down and uses his free hand to move me bangs, and then he kisses my forehead. He then puts his hand under my chin and lifts my face to meet his.

"You hated me once," he says.

I smile and say, "I had my reasons to,"

"May I just hear what those reasons were?" he asks smiling.

"Okay. Well you know most of them. I thought you were a player, and that all you wanted from me was, you know, sex," I start. It's still uncomfortable to say it even though we're very open with those things.

"Okay, nevermind. Let's talk about other stuff," he says. I laugh, "Oh, very funny, Lazuli,"

I keep laughing regardless. That is when Peridot decides to tackle me onto my bed and start tickling me. Jane stands and puts her two front legs on the bed, staring as my boyfriend assaults me by tickling me.

I continue to laugh until tears form in my eyes and my stomach hurts. He laughs to, but he'snot the one being tickled. At one point I feel like I'm going to shit my pants.

"Wait! Stop! I-I'm going to pee myself!" I yell while still laughing. He stops.

"Well we wouldn't want that, now would we?" he asks. I calm down and get up and run straight to the bathroom.

"You're fucking lucky that I'm not on my period!" I say.

"Lucky me," he says through the door. I finish up, wash my hands, and then go outside. He stand there with his crooked grin, looking down on me. Sometimes I don't like being smaller than him, and sometimes I do. I'm all for equality and all that shit, but I've always imagined that if I ever did have a boyfriend, I'd want them to be taller than me. Not extremely taller, but just taller.

"Did you wash you hands?" he asks. I nod. He puts his hand into mine and puts his free hand around my waist. I put my free hand on his bicep. My back and my head straighten against the wall as Peridot stares down at me. Jane, now lying on my bed, stares at us with her head down on top of her paws. Suddenly, I am nervous. After a moment he slips his hand out out mine and puts it on the side of me face.

I think of all the ways this can go wrong. I try to figure out what he's thinking, but it's no use. Suddenly, its hard to meet his gaze. I avoid his eyes.

"I love you," he says so softly that if there were more noise, I probably wouldn't have heard him.

I smile and look to the side. His hand doesn't really let me. His eyes are so green. In the daylight they're light and clear, but without light, they're dark green, a forest green. So tempting, so safe, yet so toxic.

"I know it's a little too early to be thinking about this but," he starts, then pauses.

What the fuck does that mean? What's he talking about? My heart rate races and my skin feels colder. Could he talking about marriage? About having a family? I may be overreacting, but these are real fears.

"I want to know if you want to go to prom with me," he finishes.

I sigh with relief. After I am relieved from my stress of the unknown, I think about that word. _Prom._ Such an ugly word for a genius torture device.

"Prom?" I ask, uncterain.

"Yeah. You don't have to wear a dress if you don't want to. But it would be fun. All of our friends will go and I'm gonna be sneaking Luke and Scarlett in-" he goes on about the advantages of going.

I hate prom. I've never really been to one, but dancing is not my thing. Being around other organic life forms, not my thing either. Peridot and Jane are an exception. But prom just doesn't seem like something I could do. Besides, it's a party, I hate parties. But how can I tell him no? After what he's told me, after he broke down in front of me. I can't say no. I want to keep him preoccupied so he won't have time to think about the things that worry and weigh him. I want to be there, I want to be a good girlfriend, I want to be good enough. And I hate myself for not being able to, regardless of how much I want to. Especailly when Peridot does it all the time for me.

"I'll think about it," I respond when he finishes. He just smiles and kisses my forhead again. He then hugs me, and holds me like that in complete silence. It makes me feel warm, and guilty at the same time.

When I was younger, I, like every other naive young girl, thought love solved everything. Apparently, it doesn't. Sometimes, it makes things worse. You feel even guiltier. At least I'm not alone. That's the real meaning of love, isn't it?

* * *

**Hello!!!**

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**Hopw you all have a nice day/night, where ever you live!**


	35. Chapter 35

**Secret Between Two Ain't No Secret**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

A week. A fucking week goes by before someone finds out Peridot and I are dating!

I'm fucking stupid. I'm a fucking idiot.

Winter approaches. Thank goodness I always wear my sweater.

So it was a cool evening. Peridot and I were going to my house after school. We were holding hands, it wasn't hot as fuck, the sky was blue, it was beautiful. We got to my house, Jane was there. We went to my room. We started to do our homework while we had a lot of distractions.

It was all perfect.

School had been an average day. A bunch of boring sermons from my fucking Albert Einstein science teacher. But Peridot was there and he kept making stupid comments that almost made me burst out in tears.

I enjoy school now that we're together. It's kind of bearable now. But still, science is science. It is bad. It's BS. A nicer word for bullshit being bad science.

Speaking of bad science, another thought comes into mind(that has nothing to do with science by the way) about Peridot's career and searching interests.

"Peridot, I have a question. More like a couple actually," I start.

"A couple. Like you and me?" he asks grinning.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm laughing," I say sarcastically.

"You know you love me," he says, leaning into me. His face a mere inch from mine.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't," I say.

Peridot puts a hand on the side of my face. His thumb, under my jaw, the rest of his fingers extending into my hair. He presses his face against mine. His lips on my cheek, so close to my lips that I almost yearn for him to take the initiative as he always has. I long for one more kiss, as intense as the one I gave him almost two weeks ago. I almost hate myself for asking him to forget about it.

He kisses my face again and again until I forget what I was going to ask him at that beginning.

I think he got a little carried away. Why do you ask this? Because I don't know how he goes from kissing my cheek to giving me a hickey on my collarbone in less than twenty second seconds.

He kissed my cheek until his lips go to my jawbone. He put his hand on the back. Then his teeth are on my neck. There is a combination of very light biting and deep kissing. By that, my back is to my bed with Peridot over my body, his face doing inappropriate shit to my neck. I clutched his shoulder and start to squirm and moan. Mostly from pleasure, slightly from discomfort. Before I knew it, I unconsciously slipped the neck of my sweater down for his lips to go lower and end up on my collar bone. Of course, I wasn't thinking. It was just the heat of the moment. And there was a lot of heat.

I could feel my heartbeat in my ears and the blood running through my veins. My body trembles under his touch as his hand wandered from my back to my hip and from my hip, his hand trailed literally to my ass. Well, not literally. He just slips his hand in the back pocket of my jeans. But still.

I tremble, not just from his touch though. But because I become nervous too. After a moment of blacking out from the pleasure, my head starts to run scenarios where this could go wrong. I don't want this to go wrong. I want to be a normal girl for once. I want to feel normal. Is this normal?

I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be letting him. This is too far. But I don't want to stop either. I know I would stop him if things got out of hand, but why stop? I know why. I only accept it after I open my eyes, hear a phone vibrate, and hear a pop.

"Peridot!" I nearly yell. He seems to realize what he is doing and gets off of me. I jolt upwards and put a hand were his lips were. I lift my sweater up enough to see a purple bruise on my collarbone.

So, we both kind of got carried away.

I gasp and he leans in to see and I see his face of embarrassment yet filled with satisfaction and pleasure. I touch it and it doesn't really hurt, but it feels so fucking weird.

"What is that?" I ask even though I already know.

"That's, umm, a hickey," Peridot replies, "Sometimes referred to as a love bite,"

"How do I get rid of it?" I ask him.

"You can't. It'll eventually fade. Give it a couple of days," he says ever so calmly.

"How can you be so calm? If someone sees this, if my dad sees this, we're through!" I say. That seems to put him back into his senses. I put my head in my hands, "What did we do?"

Peridot takes my hands and makes me look up at him.

"Your sweater covers it up, Lazuli," he says.

"You've done this before, haven't you?" I ask which is kind of fucking stupid because why would I want to know if he's made out with other girls. I am not obsessive, but I am jealous if I have good reasons to be. He looks away almost embarrassed.

"Lazuli, I've kissed other girls, maybe, maybe, made out with a couple of them, but that doesn't mean they meant anything," he says rubbing my hands. That maybe sounded more like a yes.

That's why he's so calm. He's done this with other girls. I know I shouldn't be jealous, but I can't help it. So much rage and incompetence raise inside of me. There are so many other pretty girls out there. Girls that aren't insecure or afraid to let him touch them. But I am. I am insecure, I am afraid because I am traumatized. Because I was disgraced.

He seems to realize this and moves closer to me. He puts his right arm around my back and his left arm around the front part of me, his hand on my waist. I lay my head on his chest and put my hand on his bicep.

"Did you ever think we would meet again?" I ask in a low voice.

"I didn't know. I didn't even know if you still wanted to be my friend. Our communication was, you know, limited," he says. I don't say anything.

"You know, I fell in love with you. All those years ago" he tells me.

"You did?" I ask.

"Yeah. I wanted to tell you. But I wasn't sure because a lot of things going on," he says.

"You moved," I say.

"I didn't want to. But my dad left, and my mom remarried," he explains. I put my free hand on my neck feeling for any bruises.

"These last seven years I've been moving around everywhere," I start.

"After what happened, I lasted two years in school, until my secret got out and we moved. I was seeing a psychologist at the time. I was taking medicine and it was hard. I only had and a friend, but she's far. We don't speak much, but she's been the only one to not judge me," I say.

"I haven't judged you," he says.

"Marcy is different. She's a friend. A friend from years ago. You, you're different. You're my boyfriend," I say trying to explain. He puts a hand under my chin, his fingers caressing my neck. He lifts my face to see him. His right-hand squeezes my shoulder.

"I like that. I could get used to it," he says.

"Used to what?" I ask.

"You calling me your boyfriend. And thinking of you as my girlfriend," he says. I smile and then put my head on his chest again.

I hear his heartbeat. It's just a steady beat. I'm not criticizing his heartbeat or anything, but why does every cliche have that? That cliche phrase about heartbeats being something so beautiful when in truth all they are is involuntary muscle movement.

Yet still, it is soothing.

"Holy fucking shit!" Peridot and I separate and look at each other.

"Over here dumbass!" Jane leans on the bed next to my phone, her tongue out, panting. I grab my phone. The screen engulfed in saliva.

"Marcy," I say. She sits on the chair of her computer desk, her arms crossed, her mischievous grin just like Peridot's. Why did she have to call by face time?

"So, you two getting naughty?" she asks, her grin widening.

"It's not what it looks like!" I immediately say.

"Oh, it's definitely what it looks like and much more. So, you got your first hickey with this fucking good looking blond?" she asks eyeing Peridot. He waves. I turn to him and give him a look.

"Not helping!" I say.

"How did you do it? Hey!" she says looking at Peridot and starts waving.

"I get it your Marcy," Peridot says.

"And you're fucking hot," Marcy says.

"I am flattered," Peridot replies. My jealousy rises even though I know they're joking.

"Not helping!" I repeat. I turn back to my phone and look at Marcy, "Marcy, how much did you hear?"

"Oh, nothing. Just where you're like wait! And then Legally Blond over here is all like that's a hickey, or a love bite or whatever. And then how you start freaking out and then your small mental break down and that small heartwarming conversation," she says, "By the way. You two are boring! There should be more action!"

I blush hoping she doesn't mean what I think she means.

"Fuck you!" I say.

"Fuck you, bitch!" Marcy replies, of course, in a joking manner.

"How long have you two been dating?" she asks.

"We're not dating," I say hoping she won't ask more questions. But of course, this is real life, and that is Marcy.

"So, you guys are friends with rights? I like it! Lapis, I am so fucking proud of you, you bitch!" she says.

"What? No! We are not friends with rights!" I exclaim.

"I'm her boyfriend without rights," Peridot says.

"Damn! That's how she's keeping you? Lapis, that is Child Endangered," Marcy says.

"No, it's not. If anything, it's Animal Cruelty," I say.

"BURN!!!!!" Marcy yells as she starts laughing hysterically.

"Fuck. So I'm an animal?" Peridot asks.

"Yeah. Maybe you're a fucking parrot because all you seem to do is talk but you don't fucking understand!" I say. He doesn't seem offended. He just grins like the fucking hot smart ass idiot he is which is probably good because I don't want him to get mad at me.

"I like you, Lazuli," he says smiling. I can't help but smile while also blushing. I turn my head and try to suppress it.

"Fucking shit! Lapis, are you blushing?" Marcy asks.

"What? No!" I say which only makes me blush more.

I love Marcy. She's a great person. She is a great friend. She has a very big and very weird sense of humor. But sometimes, she can be a real bitch.

"Marcy, don't tell anyone," I finally say. She calms down and looks at me as if inspecting me.

"Your parents don't know? Not surprised. But what about a certain, you know, Alexander?" she asks in a sly manner.

"Who's Alexander?" Peridot asks, almost as if jealous at the sudden mention of a name that was never mentioned.

"He's La-" Marcy starts but I cut her off.

"He's an asshole! An asshole that has nothing to do with me!" I say as I stare at Marcy through my phone. Her eyes wander away as if she has done nothing wrong.

"What did he do?" Peridot asks raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing. He's just a fucking idiot player. He's the son of one of my mom's friends," I explain.

"A player, huh?" Peridot says suddenly going into thought. For a second I'm afraid he'll remember his thoughts of turning out like his dad. I hope it's just me, but I can't risk it.

"Why did you call? We need to go," I tell her.

"Oh, you know, just wanted to see how you and Jane were doing. And, maybe I'll call more often. Just to see Legally Blond here," she winks and Peridot returns the wink. I punch his bicep.

"Goodbye Marcy," I say firmly.

"What? No!" she complains.

"Goodbye," I repeat.

I hang up and sigh in relief.

"So now tell me, who is Alexander?" Peridot asks. I look at him, trying to read him, figure out whether he is jealous or just intrigued.

"No one," I respond. He moves closer and puts his arms around me. His chest is on my back and his arms around my waist.

"I gather he _is_ someone only because your friend, Marcy, mentioned him," he says.

"Don't tell me you're jealous. Like, how the fuck could you be jealous of that guy?" I ask.

"I'm not jealous. I'm just protective over my girlfriend," he says.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Like I need your protection," I sarcastically state.

"You may not need it, but admit it Lazuli, you want it,"

I ponder on that for a second. Then I ponder on ponder. What a funny word. It has the word pond in it.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't," I say. My hand trails to the hickey on my collar bone, I press down and it hurts like an actual bruise.

"It fucking hurts," I say. Peridot's hand finds mine and he pulls the neck of my sweater down just enough for him to see.

"It does sometimes, but admit it, you liked it," he says. My face turns red. I did, but I'm not going to say that! I have dignity. I'm not going be like oh yeah I did like it, why don't we make out some more? Like, no. Absolutely not.

"You want to know why you're red? Because you did like it. Admit it, Lazuli. You enjoyed it just as much as I did," he says. His lips are next to my ear. He presses down on my hickey which makes me bite my lip. I close my eyes as I rest my head on his shoulder and he kisses my neck.

"You know," he says between kisses, "it's funny how you don't let me kiss you on your lips but you like it when I I give you a hickey," he says which should have made me snap out of it, but it just makes me frustrated with him.

"Shut the fuck up before I change my fucking mind," I say.

Things didn't escalate. It dies down eventually because my senses kick back into my brain but it seems Peridot's don't.

That was how one person found out. So much for no one finding out.

* * *

**The Very Next Day**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

So, my parents didn't really notice the two hickies Peridot eventually gave me though I was oddly nervous around them. When my dad came into my room out of nowhere I literally screamed yet he still didn't notice the hickies.

The next day at rehearsals Peridot is off practicing a song with the male ensemble which just leaves me and a few other girls. Amethyst, Sapphire, and Ruby are also off with them because they have male roles. I think they're practicing the songs called Hurricane and A Winter's Ball and a couple more. They're doing them one after another without stopping. Scarlett is there too, sitting on a chair, a stand in front of her with a bunch of unreadable scribbles and notes and stuff, her fingers flying like crazy yet she still manages to stay calm and not get tired. I admire that. I don't think that I could do that.

I do my Social Studies homework in a pen while sitting next to Blue. It's basically just her and I and a couple of other girls who are scattered all around. Most are in groups, few are by themselves.

Blue talks to me about her problems with her boyfriend. How he's a little too into his work and ignores her. She tells me that Jamie takes hours to answer his phone because he's working on the musical. She talks about how they started dating and how their relationship has gone from there. She calls him a "fucking workaholic". Her words, not mine. Though I probably would have said the same things about Peridot if he were like Jamie. Maybe I would have even been a little bit meaner. Just a little bit.

I try to bring her spirits up and tell her to talk to him. I wanted to tell her to fuck it and that she deserves better, but how would that help? Maybe talking and letting her boyfriend know how she feels will make him come to his senses. I can't say having a boyfriend is a waste of time because I have a boyfriend too. I would be being hypocritical. Even though of course she doesn't know that, but still. I don't want to be responsible for her breaking her relationship with that guy. It's not really my problem either. I'm not them.

"But anyway, apart from that, I'm good. What about you?" she asks.

"I'm good. My grades suck, but I'd be surprised if they weren't," I respond.

She giggles.

"Isn't that the truth for every student?" she asks.

"Well yeah, except for scholars and those really nerdy people," I respond, "Like Peridot."

"Peridot?" she asks.

"Yeah. He has fucking good grades. He is a scholar," I say looking up at her.

"I didn't know that," she responded.

"Because it's a secret I just gave out so I would really appreciate it if you don't tell anyone. He didn't even want to show me," I say. I'm a klutz. I'm literally the worst girlfriend ever. Peridot has been very secretive with my stuff and I'm just giving his secrets out like a pack of punches during a fight.

"I'm guessing both of you are close," she says in an insinuating tone.

"What? No! I mean, we're friends," I say.

She looks at me as if trying to cut me in half with only her stare. I hope she believes me. I try to convince myself. She looks down on her notebook and then smiles.

"What's your name?" she asks. I find it a silly question but I answer regardless.

"Lapis Lazuli," I say.

"How old are you?" she asks.

"17,"

"What's your favorite color?"

"Blue,"

"Pets?"

"Dog,"

"Name of the dog?"

"Jane,"

"Role you're playing?"

"Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton,"

"What's the name of this musical?" she asks.

"Hamilton,"

"How many parents do you have?"

That is a very stupid question, yet I still answer, "Two"

"What's your best subject in school?"

"Social Studies,"

"What did you get on the US History regents?"

"100,"

"Your name?"

"Lapis Lazuli,"

"Age?"

"17,"

"How long have you and Peridot been dating?"

"Three weeks,"

I only realize what I've done when she looks at me, grinning, raising an eyebrow.

"Wait, I heard wrong. I thought you said something else," I say. _Nice save, Lazuli._

"No, you didn't. But oh my fucking shit! You and Pe-" she starts literally screaming.

I put my hand in her bicep and give it a squeeze.

"Hey!" she says flinching.

"Shut up! Okay, look, it's true. But it's a secret!" I say.

"A secret relationship, huh?" she whispers while smiling like a maniac, "That is wise. My sister would freak out,"

Pearl. I've given that thought, but not too much. In the end, I've got things worth my time. Even if Peridot's relationship with me was not a secret, I wouldn't be afraid of her. Apart from her being obsessed with my boyfriend, she is just a real bitch.

"And it makes it all the more romantic!" she says, "Does anyone else know?"

I remember Marcy. Marcy, my best friend since I could remember. I couldn't ask for a better friend. Always cursing, always making jokes, always being there. I wonder if she has new friends. I wonder if she would ever replace me.

"No. Just you, and another friend of mine that doesn't live here," I tell her, "But, like, how did you know?"

She crosses her arms and gives me that look as if saying, _really?_

"Maybe it isn't obvious. You two are really good at hating each other. Well, you're good at hating him," she says.

"Yeah, well, he's easy to hate," I respond. She giggles and I'm happy she's distracted from her problems with her boyfriend.

"I absolutely love this!" she says.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't love it so much," I say smiling.

"Whatever you say, future Mrs. Diamond," she whispers that last part but it is enough to make my face red. It's not from embarrassment though.

I've thought about our relationship, I've fantasized about futures where we elope to Australia for some odd reason, but I've never given thought to be Mrs. anything. It seems weird and strange, something so foreign it feels wrong. Not in a bad way, but it's strange thinking that if Peridot and I have a future together I'll eventually end up giving up my maiden name and taking his instead as my surname. Lapis Lazuli Diamond or Lapis Diamond. It doesn't really have any certain ring to it. It sounds odd.

I eventually get Blue to change the subject from my not so secret anymore relationship with Mr. Tomcat to talking shit about teachers. It's pretty much us complaining about what our teachers do and all that shit.

"And she always has that whining voice of hers and all. Yesterday, my friend had her head down because she was feeling a little sick and tired. And this bitch comes and is all like, lift your head, you're not the only one tired. Come on. And then she went on to say stuff like, oh my mom was going to pick up my son but not she can't because she has a toothache and then she was like and my husband can't pick him up and then I have a meeting and like what the fuck?" she says. I can relate.

"Like bitch, you're the one who chose to have kids! No one told you to go and have kids!" Blue complains about her English teacher as I listen and relate.

"That's true. And you know those teachers that are just like, whether I teach you or not, I still get paid, " I comment.

"Oh my gosh! They're so annoying!" Blue says.

"Yeah, " I respond.

We keep talking about teachers and tests and about how hard different subjects are. I complain about math and science. ELA and Social Studies are easy for me. Even though essays suck and take a fucking long time to write, they're not that hard and there are a couple that I am very proud of. Some essays I have written in my past, especially social studies essays and essays on discrimination, which make me sound like a smart ass.

Blue, on the other hand, complains solely about science and a little about Social Studies. For her, math isn't easy but it's not terribly hard as it is for me. She says science is hard because she doesn't know what the fuck is going on which basically me. Then she also explains how Social Studies is also a little hard for her. Blue tells me that memorizing dates and people's names and different things about different wars and religions is hard for her. Apparently, she isn't the best at memorizing. ELA is also easy for her. Blue says that essays are very easy for her to write. She and I are very much alike. In a couple of ways.

After I finish my Social Studies homework and finish the outline for my ELA essay we listen to the guys and girls around the pain sings and Jamie rant when someone does something wrong. We make sarcastic comments about everyone and the lyrics of the songs.

Blue tells me about other musicals. I find myself interested in said musicals. Of course, the only reason Blue knows and has seen these very costly musicals is because her boyfriend is a workaholic and a theatre geek. I'm sure that if she had a different boyfriend she wouldn't know so much about musicals and Broadway. I am more than sure that if she wasn't in a relationship with Jamie, she wouldn't even be in the school musical.

While she tells me about the meaning behind one of the songs, I doodle on a random piece of loose-leaf paper. Then I put my pen down and look up at her as she speaks.

I nod and agree with random statements though I am only half-listening which is kind of weird because I am really interested in history. Perhaps this, not a hundred percent accurate historically exaggerated musical based on an unfaithful and workaholic founding father who died in a duel at suicide stance will help me understand my american history better.

Or rather, why we're all so perverted and depressed.

If you think about it, history is almost as messed up as we are today. We have a lot in common. This Alexander Hamilton guy apparently shot into the sky knowing his nemesis would shoot and he would die. I would like an explanation on how the fuck our generation is mentally and emotionally better.

As I nod along to everything Blue says, I notice movement at the corner of my eye. And not the fucking messed up dances of all the guys around the piano, no. Something much more sinister and messed up.

It almost all happens in slow motion.

As Blue keeps speaking and I keep nodding, I look down on the folder which contains my lyrics packet for Act I and Act II. But on top of my folder is a horrendous sight. One of the most disgusting, scariest, and petrifying any being will see in their life.

First, my eyes widen and I paralyze. I can't move. I am completely petrified. Unable to move if it decides that I am either a threat or food and attacks. I try to think, but it is of no use. My heart hammers against my chest and starts to do paradiddles in my ears and fingertips.

Then my eyes shift searching for some sort of weapon or defensive shield if this _creature_ decides to attack.

"Are you okay?" Blue says and it sounds as if she were saying it in slow motion. That's probably due to my fear. I should probably breathe.

I turn my eyes to Peridot's desk and out of instinct grab his folder. I raise it and make a whispered battle cry. Then I proceed to bring my boyfriend's folder down and striking down the dreadful monster.

Time seems to come back to its normal pace as Blue looks at me alarmed, so do a couple of boys around the piano though they don't seem to stop what they're doing to check on the crazy girl with a folder that does not belong to her.

"What are you doing?" Blue asks me a little bit startled by my sudden actions.

"Spider, " I whisper, my heartbeat still drumming in my ears and fingertips.

"You fucking scared me! Bruh. It was just on top of the desk, it wasn't even on your folder, " she says.

"Really bad move if you ask me, " I say. That spider wasn't wise at all. It should have considered its life choices before messing with me. It made really poor choices.

"Spiders are food for the environment. Besides, it was tiny, " Blue says.

I don't give a fucking shit about that! That spider was conspiring against me. It was going to attack. Besides, I don't want its ugly dirty feet on my stuff.

"That spider committed suicide by climbing onto my desk. It was depressed. I took it out of its misery, " I respond.

"Okay, " she says unsure. She then gestures to the folder in my hands, "Why his folder?"

I glance at Peridot's folder now having a tiny smudge of spider organs and blood.

"I don't want that shit in my stuff, " I say.

"Okay. Maybe you should put that down, Annabeth, " she says. I do. I try to wipe off the spider goo on my side of a desk and succeed waving only a tiny drop of blood on the folder.

Soon after, Jamie and his guy ensembles(with a couple of girls) and come back to sit down amongst the _loyal wives_.

I smile at myself. As _if_ I were ever to be a fully dedicated housewife. No. Fuck that shit.

Peridot sits in his seat next to me. He puts his lyrics packet down as he opens his folded. He puts the lyrics packets inside, each in their respective places. I stare at him through the corner of my eye as he does so waiting to see if be will notice the grave of the suicidal spider on the back of his folder.

"Hey, Peridot, " Blue whispers.

"What's up?" he asks. _Fuck_.

"What's your name?" she asks. _Fucking shit_.

"Umm, Peridot Diamond, " he says unsure.

"Blue, " I say her name in hope that she will come to her senses and not make me look like a fool.

"How old are you?"

"19,"

"Brother's name?"

"Lucas, "

"Brother's nickname?"

"Luke, "

"Favorite color?"

"Green, "

"Do you have pets?"

"No, "

"What's your role?"

"Alexander Hamilton,"

"What color is your hair?"

"Blond, "

"What's the name of this musical?"

"Hamilton: An American Musical, "

"What's your last name?"

"Diamond, "

"Her eye color?" she points to me.

"Blue, "

"What's your mom's name?"

"Lesley Hillier, "

"What's your name?"

"Peridot Diamond, "

"Eye color?"

"Green, "

"How long have you and Lapis been dating?"

"We're not dating. Though of course I wouldn't mined, " he responds which leaves me wide-eyed as I smack myself in my face. All while he winks at me with that smirk.

"Dammit. It always works, " she says.

"Fucking shit, " I say with my hand covering half my face.

"She did the same thing to you, didn't she?" Peridot asks me. I nod.

"And she got you, didn't she?" he then asks. I nod again.

"So, she knows, " Peridot concluded. I nod. Again.

"I know, " Blue says.

"So much for keeping it a secret, " he says as he shrugs, "Might be better if we tell everyone right now, "

"No!" I turn to look at him, "Two people know. It's not the end of the world. No one else knows. Blue, this is a secret. You can't tell anyone, "

"Yes. Don't worry. The couple wants their privacy. I am a tomb, " she says. I blush.

"Thanks, " I say.

"Yeah, but everyone else will find out eventually, " Peridot says.

"Eventually. Not now, " I say. He shrugs his shoulders as he picks up his folder and then just turns it around for no apparent reason at all.

"What's that?" he asks. I turn to look at blue as I hold me head. She laughs silently while I try to suppress my smile even though I know it's disgusting.

"Oh, Lapis here had a small incident with a tiny spider, " Blue answers for me.

"I love you, Lazuli, " he whispers in a sarcastic tone though I know all the well it isn't sarcasm.

Blue smiles and I blush as I lower my head yet still look at him, "I said not in public, " I whisper.

"Too late, " he whispers.

I bring my hand up to him and stick my middle finger out.

"Fuck you, " I say.

"I love you more, " he whispers grinning.

I make an annoyed face even though I like it.

* * *

**Hey!!!**

**How are all of you? Hope all of you had a great Holiday and a great New Year's _if_ you celebrated it. Hope ****everyone is doing okay.**

**I have January Regents tests coming up so wish me luck with that, because let's me honest, I'm going to need it.**

**Anyway, I hope all of you have a nice night/day wherever you live!!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Stubbornness**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

Prince Charming almost fucks it up. I knew that between so many good qualities and hot looks he had to have some sort of flaw. I may have found it. His stubbornness. He's just so fucking stubborn! I'm sure that when God was making him, he accidentally spilled the entire jar of stubbornness into the pot. Like, what the fuck?

I wish he would fuck it up. I want to be better than him for once. But I guess I can't complain when he says that he has everything under control. I can't completely hate him because he is my boyfriend nonetheless, I can still partially complain about every little action he makes.

It's colder now. It's not winter yet, but it's cold. Yet I still don't wear another sweater. I don't want to be carrying my sweater around during the school day, especially during lunch. It'll just get dirty and all that. Besides, it doesn't feel that cold.

During lunch, everything was going great. Amethyst, Sapphire, and Ruby were here and we were just talking and stuff. Peridot wasn't in lunch yet because some stupid teacher told him to stay because she was going to reprimand him or something. It will all be in vain. My fucking badass boyfriend is that. A fucking badass idiot. He doesn't get shit. Either way, I guess I still like him like that.

I got lunch, but just because they were giving cookies with the food. I throw everything else out.

Amethyst, like her normal self, tries to take my small packet of cookies. I slap her hand away. Because of bitch, you don't fucking mess with my fucking cookies. Or any other bitch's food for the matter of fact. Unless it's school food. That's the exception.

"Hey!" she says as she rubs her hand.

"No! Don't touch my cookies!" I say.

"Bitch. Like I want your cookies, " Amethyst says. Sapphire smiles for some reason.

"But you do, " I say.

"But I don't, " she answers.

"But you do, "

"But I don't, "

"But you do, "

"I'm too lazy to keep going, " she finally says, "By the way, where's Peridot?"

"With a teacher, " I respond.

"And how do you know?" Ruby out of nowhere asks.

"Because I have a class before lunch with him, " I say slowly.

"Likely story, " Ruby responds.

_The fuck?_

"Okay, " I say unsure of what the fuck is going on.

"Lapis speaks the truth. Peridot will arrive in two minutes, " Sapphire says.

We continue to have normal conversations all teenagers have. Amethyst talks to us while she does her social studies homework. She eventually asks me for mine but I tell her no. It's not even that fucking hard.

"What's up?" Peridot asks as he comes to our table.

I turn to look at him and smile. Then, he puts his hand on my head which makes my bangs cover my eyes. Peridot settles down next to me only after making my hair a mess. _Not like it wasn't already._

"So, Peridot, what happened this time?" Amethyst asks.

"Same old, same old, " he simply responds, "What are you guys doing? Apart from harassing one another, "

"Oh, nothing, " Amethyst responds.

"Just converting oxygen into carbon dioxide through a complex mechanism in our physical skin capsules then releasing it into the air for non-mobile organisms to use as a replacement for said oxygen, " Sapphire chimes in.

"Okay, " Peridot says looking at her skeptically. I also have my doubts about Sapphire.

She is too quiet, too sophisticated, too accurate, too...Sapphire. Like, what the fuck? And apart from that, she's pretty too. She may be small, but she is literally perfect, like bitch, are you purposely trying to make me feel bad about myself?

And then there's Ruby.

"Oh, yeah! I forgot. I got to tell you guys-" Amethyst starts.

"Rehearsals are canceled, " Sapphire finishes calmly for the pace at which Amethyst was speaking.

"Really?" I ask, "Why?"

Blue's boyfriend is a theatre nerd. I would guess even the director of the best musical ever would cancel their entire show before Jamie would cancel a single rehearsal.

"Something about a personal problem, " she says which really answers no question.

"Personal?" I ask.

"Yeah, something like that, * she answers.

_Personal. I know a problem or two Jamie may have that might be personal._

Blue is the first person that comes to my mind. She told me that Jamie kept ignoring her because he was so fixed on the musical, the music, the dance, and everything that has to do with the stage that their relationship is now hanging off of a thing string.

I take my phone out of my pocket and start texting Blue, but then think better of it. Blue might want privacy. And I don't want to invade it. Perhaps no one else really knows about what is going on between them. She has kept her word and has kept Peridot and my relationship a secret, so I should also be considerate and give her space and not tell anyone else about it unless she herself says something first. Though if I were her I would be pretty bummed that my boyfriend would be ignoring me for the exchange of a few fake words and cursing songs. Especially those that include unfaithful husbands. That would be really fucked up, to be honest. I really hope Jamie comes to his senses. Or at least one of them. That would be a huge improvement.

"Okay, " I smile when I say it.

"What are you smiling about?" Ruby asks.

"Nothing, " I respond, though I still can't stop myself from smiling. If the cancelation of this rehearsal is due to Jamie problem's with Blue, then I am satisfied knowing that Blue is finally confronting the problem and Jamie is getting a piece of her mind.

"Are you sure?" Peridot asks. He knows I know something. But it's not my place to tell. Besides, I don't know if it's actually true or if it may be for a different reason that rehearsals were canceled. I don't want to spread rumors that aren't true.

"Yeah. I was just thinking of something else, " I say. I love knowing things that other people don't. Well, some things. Peridot grabs my hand under the table and squeezes it and I know he wants me to tell him later. It's kind of ironic how he's been here longer yet I don't think he knows about Blue and Jamie's problems. But I don't mind filling him in. I don't have secrets from my boyfriend. Besides, he won't tell anyone.

"Well, we should be thinking about what we should do now that there are no rehearsals after school, " Amethyst says, "I think we should go get food, "

"Pizza!" Ruby says.

"And Carvel!" Amethyst adds.

I look at Peridot and we're both thinking the same thing. _We have other plans._

It's not that I don't want to be near other people, I just don't like to be near other people. Other people that aren't my boyfriend or my dog. Even Peridot is a stretch. Jane is perfect. The pure embodiment of flawless perfection. Peridot is the embodiment of flawlessly handsome idiocy. My green knight in leather armor. _Eww. That does not fit him._

"Hard pass but I have something to do, " Peridot says.

"I'll have to pass too, " I say. Amethyst looks at us suspiciously. Ruby, even though she barely ever pay attention to us, also glances at Peridot and me as if we were guilty of doing something that no one knew about. And maybe we are, but looks at us as we gave done something wrong.

"What a coincidence that both of you have something to do after school today when there are no rehearsals, " Amethyst says.

"I never said I had something to do. Just that I would pass the pizza and Carvel, " I clear up.

"Well, why are you passing pizza and Carvel?" Ruby asks me.

"Because I don't feel like it, " I answer getting annoyed.

"Why?" Amethyst adds.

"Because I don't fucking want to!" I say. Amethyst and Ruby look at each other and nod.

"Very aggressive, " Ruby points out.

"Probably on her period, " Amethyst assumes, "We'll let it pass, "

My face reddens.

"What about you, Peridot?" Ruby asks turning to face him.

"What about me?" he asks.

"What do you have to do that is more important than pizza and Carvel?" Amethyst asks.

"As I said. Something, " Peridot replies.

"I believe you, " Amethyst says after an extremely brief moment of hesitation.

"Huh?" Ruby so cluelessly asks. I squint my eyes and let my mouth hang slightly open. _The fuck?__ That is my fucking boyfriend. No one lets him off the hook but me. I think. Something like that._ _And also, why me?_

"It's settled then, " Peridot says.

I can't help but feel jealous. I know I shouldn't. He's made it very clear that he loves me and that I have nothing to worry about, but still. Amethyst isn't someone I should be jealous of. I'm not saying she's not pretty or lovable or anything like that, just not the kind of girl that I would feel Peridot would go out of his way to do stuff for as he does for me. I know feeling jealous is stupid when Peridot knows very well how to keep himself in check. _Sometimes._ But I know very well I can lose him under the right circumstances. If everything goes wrong, I could lose him. I know I'm not as pretty as other girls and at times hard to deal with, so I can't help but feel it. It burns me. If I'm not good enough, I can lose the love of my life. And the feeling of incompetence is a really bad thing to feel. Seeing things unfold slowly in front of you, but not being able to stop it. Not having the power or will. It feels terrible. I try to push all those thoughts away. _He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me and only me._

"I'll text Luke and Scarlett and Steven and Connie too, " Amethyst announces.

The rest of the day goes on. And my mood shifts from kind of crazy to emotionally scattered. It's funny how such a tiny thing could cause so much damage and change one's thoughts, feelings, and actions so drastically.

He loves me. But what about me. Of course, I like him and may even say I do love him, but would he be willing to spend the rest of his life with someone like me? I'm insecure and depressed and was at one point suicidal and it's hard for me to change my mind over something and I'm hard to talk to sometimes. Would Peridot really stay with me when I'm so pathetic?

And what about the fact that I was raped? Peridot and I have made out on a couple of occasions because we both just want it, we feel it, we're just another pair of stupid teenagers driven by hormones. But I'm still very wary. I'm aware of where his hands go, how far his lips go, and how strongly he holds me. I'm aware of everything and I hesitate sometimes. The trauma burns in my brain and body every time I let him touch me. Even if he is only hugging me or holding my hand. It feels nice but at the same time, I can't help but feel so afraid. What if I can't do it with him? What if one-day Peridot and I attempt to have sex and I totally freak out? Would I be so selfish as to tie him to me when I won't be able to respond to him as his girlfriend or one day maybe even as his wife?

Then there is also my HIV. He did something I didn't think he would do when he accepted me with such an important and big flaw. He made me feel loved and valued and not like a piece of shit. But until where will that teenage love last? If we ever do try and succeed at having sex, what about my HIV? We'd always live in fear that somehow in some rare and bad situation, I would have infected him. I wouldn't be able to carry on with the guilt of knowing that I may have ruined his life. I can't tie him to me. And what if we have children? I would be defining a child's life before it even started. I would never be able to live with the guilt of ruining my own child's life even though I sincerely do hope one day I do have children regardless of everything I say. There are so many reasons why I can lose him and I hope all of them are ridiculous enough to be purely scenario is in my head and nothing more.

"You okay?"

I look up at Peridot as we walk down to my house. His hand burns like acid against my hand when I remember all of the reasons I'm not good enough for him.

"Yeah, just thinking, " I respond in a low voice.

"About?"

"Stuff, " I respond.

"What kind of stuff?" he asks.

"Stuff that shouldn't ruin our afternoon, " I say as I put my other hand on his bicep.

"Okay, " he responds. He must be thinking too. He always insists more until he gets an answer. I wonder if he's thinking about his mother's pregnancy again. He hasn't spoken about the subject ever since he cried to me and broke down. To be honest, even though I don't want him to be upset, I like that he is sensible. But again, I don't want to bring up the subject and remind him of all the bad stuff that has happened to him.

"So where are we going?" I ask him.

"Well, I'm taking you for dinner, " he answers.

"It's like three, " I respond trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, well I want to take my girl to dinner so right now, it's dinner time, " Peridot says. _I'm his girl._ It makes me smile. _And he's my man. Mine._

"Okay, " I say though the idea of going out in public where the possibility of people seeing us and realizing that we're a couple is a lot greater. But if I'm being honest, I don't care about that right now. It's the least of my priorities.

"Where are we going for dinner?" I am.

"This nice place in front of the mall, " he says.

"Beach City has a mall?" I ask.

"Of course! It's kind of big for such a tiny city actually, " he adds.

We talk like that until we teach my house and Jane greets us like she always does spinning and standing though she gives mostly me all the attention and ignores Peridot. That makes me smile. Things don't have to change. It could be like this all the time. Peridot being his usual reckless and deep loving self, Jane ignoring Peridot and being beautifully amazing, the house being big and quiet, and us being together without worrying. For now at least.

We leave our backpacks in my room and I go give Jane some food while Peridot used the bathroom and gets _ready_ for our date. Though I wouldn't really refer to it as a date because we hang out every single day.

As Jane eats, I close the cabinet, but not before glancing at my pills. I'm reminded of all the bad things that could happen if I didn't have them. They're the only thing keeping me alive. It's funny how my entire life depends on such tiny things. What's not funny is how much I need them. I'd probably be dead if it weren't for them. I hate how much I depend on them. It reminds of how limited I really am. Of how fragile my life is under the mask of a pill. It makes me feel alien under my own skin. If I had been born in a different time, I would also be dead. If I had been born before the pills before science had advanced so much, I'd probably be dead and my parents disgraced. Maybe if I was born in the future, perhaps there would be a cure for this. I would be a normal girl again. I wouldn't be so insecure and Peridot and I could be together without my insecurities and fears. But it doesn't exist and I absolutely hate it. I feel incompetent about everything. I have this and I can't get rid of it, I can't change and I can't just forget what happened to me and get rid of my trauma and stop being afraid. That's not how things work. Not everything is that easy. If it were, then life wouldn't be so hard and unfair. Innocents wouldn't die and those guilty wouldn't prevail. And love, love wouldn't be so complicated. It wouldn't be a bet. It wouldn't be a win or lose. It would just be love.

When Peridot comes downstairs all I want is to hug him and to stay here with him. I want us to stay here and for him to remind me how much he loved me. How much I'm worth to him. I want him to hold me and tell me that he loves me. Though I still hesitate, I don't want to go out and I want him to run his fingers through my hair, and I want him to tell me the beautiful things he tells me when we make out. Beautiful things like how much I mean to him, things we could do in the future when we're older, and other things that make life seem beautiful. Nothing like the things those guys said to me when I was raped. They said brutal disgusting things. But Peridot is nothing like them. He is gentler. He loves me.

"Ready?" he asks. I nod as I put Jane's water bowl down next to her food bowl. I put my hand on her head and rub the back of her ears slightly.

"Be right back, " I say. I then take my phone and keys and both Peridot and me leave. Once we leave, Peridot takes my hand and pulls me down the street.

"Okay, now tell me. What do you know about rehearsals being canceled?" he asks me.

"Well, I may be wrong, but Blue and Jamie have been having relationship problems. Jamie is too focused on the musical and all that, " I try my best to explain.

"The typical Jamie problem, " he says. I nod.

"You know, they have this problem every year since they got together, which has been since like ninth grade, " he says.

"Every year?" I ask.

"Yeah. Their relationship is like a bad rollercoaster," Peridot explains.

"I guess. I don't know. Do you think that could be why Jamie canceled rehearsals? Because Blue talked to him?" I ask. He looks at me and hesitates.

"I don't know. If they talk, they're probably going to stay the same. Things might change for the first few days, but things will continue to be the same, " he says, almost in a depressed way, "But if the personal problem is his relationship with Blue, then I guess she kind of won, for once. She got him to cancel rehearsals, " he says smiling.

"True, " I respond.

"You know, I would cancel rehearsal for you, " he says. I lift my head to meet his eyes.

"Wow, really? But that's like, such a big deal, " I sarcastically say while smiling.

"Well, to me, nothing is a bigger deal than this tiny little blue-haired maiden, " he says as he takes his hand from mine and messed hair up yet again. I only smile put my elbow about his arm.

When we arrive at the diner or restaurant or whatever, after like fifteen minutes of walking, he opens the door for me and I realize there are a lot of people. There are about two couples and three families waiting like us. When the hostess asks Peridot for the name for our table or whatever, he immediately says my name without hesitation. My last name anyway. We're told to wait for a minimum of fifteen minutes.

He intertwines his fingers with mine and leads me to a corner as we wait. He plays with my hair and tells me all that cliche shit about loving me and all of that. Even though it is cliche and everything, I love that he tells me how much I'm worth to him. That I'm worth so much. It reminds me that I'm worth enough to be loved. In seven years he hasn't loved another girl as he loves me. It took seven years for us to realize who we were but we did. And I'm happy. What fits within the context of the word anyway. But I'm happy. There's a boy who loves me and accepts me with my traumas and my virus and everything.

They call my last name and it's the first time someone who is not Peridot says my last name when referring to me. Even though they aren't referring to me directly.

The hostess leads us to our table and we follow. Once we get there, Peridot can't decide whether to sit next to me or on the other side and I literally can't think of any dumber situation.

"Just sit anywhere, " I say. He crosses his arms and puts a hand on his chin as if thinking but I know he's just being dramatic. I roll my eyes when he finally decides and plops down next to me. A waiter comes and leaves the menus for us.

"Have you come here before?" I ask him.

"No, " he responds.

"So then if you haven't come here before, how do you know the food is good?" I ask.

"That's why there's a first time for everything. Besides, why not share such a wonderful experience with my girlfriend, " he says.

"You better know what's good to eat here, Peridot Diamond, " I say as I search through the menu.

"I'm sure there's good food. If not, I wouldn't have brought you here. If you don't like anything, I'll buy you anything you want, " he says. I raise am eyebrow.

"Anything?" I ask.

"Anything, " he answers looking at me in the eye.

"Okay, " I say making it my mission to hate absolutely everything regardless if I like it or not.

When the waiter comes and asks if we're ready to order our drinks. We both get a blueberry something drink, I don't get the time to see the name of the drink as Peridot orders for both of us. The waiter asks us if we are ready to order or if want more time. I respond that we need more time before Peridot has the time to order the first thing on the menu for both of us.

We look through the menu and I find myself looking at a pasta that sounds very good. Though of course, I won't say that. I want to know how much Peridot is willing to lose. In a good sense. I'm not a gold digger.

"What do you think?" Peridot asks me.

"Mhh. I might get a Fettuccini Alfredo pasta. With chicken, " I respond.

"Fettuccini Alfredo? Why? Not to coast or anything, but I'm sure the one I make is much better than restaurant pasta, " he says.

"You cook _actual_ food?" I ask genuinely doubting my boyfriend's ability to cook.

"As you see me Lazuli, I am a master chef, " Prince Charming says.

"Prince Charming is a chef? I'd have to see that for myself, " I say raising an eyebrow. He accepts the challenge with a smirk.

"Then I owe you a fancy dinner with pasta by yours truly, " he says as he puts a hand over his chest. I giggle. I still can't believe such a fictional guy as Peridot is real, and he's my boyfriend. He's perfect. Kind of annoying and a pain in my ass, but perfect.

"So what are you going to get?" I ask him.

"I don't know. How about...I don't know. I'll ask the waiter what he recommends, " Peridot says.

And so Prince Charming does so. The waiter comes and Peridot asks him what he recommends. The waiter is new, so he is honest and says he doesn't know much but that he would recommend some dish in what sounds like gibberish but Peridot manages to understand the strange and mysterious language of mumbles. He pretends to think for a moment before saying he wants that. When the waiter asks for my order, I simply say that I want my Fettuccini Alfredo. With chicken. I think he's relieved that I didn't ask what he recommended. I would be too.

Our drinks arrive after like eight minutes. My blueberry drink tastes like seltzer and blueberries mixed with honey. And to be honest, I absolutely love it. But I can't let Peridot know that now can I?

"Do you like it?" he asks. I pretend to think for a moment.

"Nope, " I say.

"Then why do you keep drinking it?" he asks.

"Because I am thirsty, " I respond as I take another sip and put it down.

We are brought appetizers which are basically just bread with cheese inside. I'm kind of glad we came to eat because I don't realize how I'm starving until I start eating the appetizers.

"Damn. If you eat like the not only am I gonna go broke but you're going to gain everything you lost these last seven years, " he says. As I chew my food, I turn to Peridot and speak through a full mouth.

"Fuck you, " I say as I continue to eat like the fucking Queen I am. Queen of my eating situation, anyhow.

Though I've gained a couple of pounds, I still need to gain another ton or do to not be considered underweight. Even Jane weighs more than me. Only now do I realize that is an actual problem when Peridot points it out. It very different when your friends or boyfriend says it to when your parents/family or doctors do. Sometimes I feel like they just want to fuck my life up because theirs is fucked up too.

"They say to never interrupt a lion while it's eating, " he says. Once I finish chewing, I feel like a brick is flowing down my throat but I still feel good. I turn to him hook my arm around his.

"Well, I'm your girlfriend. And whatever a lion can do, I can do a lot worse, " I say while cuddling his arm.

"You know, sometimes you do scare me, " he says while caressing my jaw and neck. Even though I am still very wary of the whole affection thing in public and people finding out about our relationship thing, I am very flattered by how much he loves me and how he doesn't care about other people seeing or judging him. He doesn't care how flawed I am, he just loves me because he wants to. He gladly risks everything for me without hesitating. I would love to have such courage.

"You wish I could say the same about you, " I respond. He takes his arm from mine and puts it around me, his hand at my waist.

"Not really. I prefer to please my girlfriend rather than go scare her, " Prince Charming whispers. I blush at the thought of us two alone in my bedroom. We don't have sex, obviously. But we're not holy children either. The hickey on my collarbone from two days presses against my skin reminding me of how once I was horrified of the thought of even breathing the same air as Peridot. Now, we make out almost daily. I guess actually doing it is a lot more pleasurable than asking yourself if this is how fast you can change your mind changes about such things.

"Is anyone from school here?" I ask, trying to change the subject. He separates and glances around the diner.

"No. Would it matter?" Peridot asks.

"Depends on who it is, " I answer.

"Would you make me leave if they was someone from school here?" he asks.

"Of course. I still don't want anyone to know we're a thing, " I say.

"A thing. Wow. Is that what we are? A materialistic object?" he asks me.

"Well, no, but, like, umm, you get it, " I say.

"Do I?" he asks.

"Of course you do you fucking idiot!" I say.

"No cursing, Lazuli. There are children here, " Peridot says as he puts an arm around my waist.

"Fuck you, " I whisper.

"I could answer you back with a direct response but seeing you be all annoyed and everything, I find it attractive and kind of sexy, " he winks at me which only makes me blush even more.

"Fuck you, " I repeat.

"I love you too, " he whispers.

Our food comes after many curse exchanges. Me doing most of the cursing. Okay, all of the cursing. And Prince Charming just being Prince Charming. A annoyingly charming idiot.

When our food is on our table, I proceed to put a lot of cheese on my pasta and mix it all as the cloud of hot steam rises from the plate and into the air. I take my fork and stuff a bunch of pasta with chicken into my mouth. It's hot and I regret doing that but I still chew and swallow. Then, even though I almost died because the food was burning my throat, I stuff more food into my mouth.

"Do you like it?" he asks me.

The "No, " I respond.

"They why are you still eating it?" he asks.

"Because when one is hungry, one will eat anything, " I say using my eternal and amazing wisdom. _As if._

"Oh enlighten me, wise one, " he says playfully. I smile gladly giving in.

"Oh you peasant will need more than my wisdom to be enlightened, " I say doing what I think is a pathetic British accent. I wonder if Scarlett think us Americans have an accent. She's American too, but I just wonder if she thinks people who don't have accents, actually have an accent.

"I don't think you can be enlightened at all, " I finish. He smirks. He smirks.

"Says the girl that keeps calling me Prince Charming, " he says.

"Yeah, the same girl you kept insisting on being your girlfriend. We both made mistakes, Prince Charming, " I say.

"You being my girlfriend is not a mistake. The Prince Charming thing, that's kind of debatable, " he says.

"You're debatable, " I respond.

"My existence, feelings, and thoughts are debatable?" Peridot asks raising and eyebrow.

"Yeah, " I say.

"If you were right and my existence was debatable than you wouldn't be my girlfriend, " he says.

"Well, no because you wouldn't exist, " I say.

"No exactly. More like you wouldn't trust me since my feelings and intentions would be debatable and so you would have never agreed to be my girlfriend, " he explains.

"Sometimes I wish you didn't have such a big brain, " I comment. He only smirks.

"If I wasn't so smart, you'd be failing math and science, " he says.

"I would actually take the time to search it up, thank you very much, " I say, "But you come over, so I don't have all that time, therefore copying you is the next best thing I could do."

"I am very smart, Lazuli, " he says.

"And I never said you weren't, " I reply.

We finish eating which is in like an hour which I believe to be too much time when Peridot and I start arguing yet again. I remember when only a couple of months again when I still hated him and we would only argue and argue all the time and I absolutely loathed his smirk. I kind of miss those days now.

We start arguing about who will pay the check. I get it, he wants to be the usual guy in dates who wants to pay everything. But no. Not happening. I will be paying for at least half of it.

"Just let me pay the check, " he says.

"No. We'll split it, "

"Come on. Most girls just accept it, Lazuli. Just let me pay the fucking check, " he insists.

"Well, I am not most girls who just are just fucking cheap asses and want the guy to pay everything, Peridot. Stop the chivalry. It's getting old, " I say. The poor new waiter just stands there waiting for someone to pay and give tips.

"I pay the check, you give the tip, " he says.

"Fuck you. How much is the check?" I ask as I take my phone out where I randomly carry a bunch of dollar bills.

Actually, to be honest. We still fight a lot. So, I guess I can't miss those days.

Even though he keeps being stubborn and insisting he pay for everything, I defy him and pay for half of the check and he pays for the other half and gives the tips. I smile at him as I put my money on the check pad. He looks an angry four-year-old who gives the silent treatment when he doesn't get what he wants. Which is practically what happened. I put my hand on his arm and place a very small and brief kiss on his cheek. Once I do that, he smirks and I immediately regret it.

"How about a little more to the right, " he suggests. I blush.

"My right is towards the seat, dumbass, " I say smacking his arm and hoping I don't look like an idiot. I'm not lying because if I am facing Peridot, my right is to the back of the seat.

"You're very funny, Lazuli, " he says.

"Not funny, just very smart, " I answer.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, " he puts a hand on my head and messes my hair up once again, "Do you want to go to the mall?"

"The mall? Why?" I ask.

"I don't know. I want to buy you something, " he says. Regardless of the flattery that involves my boyfriend wanting to pay the check and buy me things, I cannot allow him to use his money on such trivial things. Especially if they are things I do not need.

"But I don't need anything, " I respond.

"I don't care if you don't need it. I want to but you some thing. Think of it as a christmas gift that you pick out but I pay, " he says.

"It's not Christmas, " I answer.

"Sometimes, just sometimes, you are very boring, " he says.

"Fuck you, " I answer.

While there are dialogue exchanges between the two of us, we leave the diner and I unconsciously follow him into the mall. It's not my intention to, but I do anyway.

Peridot is one of those people that when you're having a conversation with them, it's just so easy to get lost in it. Time passes faster, you talk about random topics that you didn't think you could make a conversation out of and different things like that happen. I'm not saying that he's so charming he could just kidnap me or something, it's just so interesting. Even before I considered him an acquaintance, fighting with him was so interesting as it was annoying and infuriating.

Peridot and I walk through the hoards of people at the mall who are probably buying things they don't need while we just walk and I look around hoping we don't randomly find ourselves in an awkward situation where a friend from school is here and sees us together holding hands which we later have to explain that it is a completely normal thing for a male friend and a female friend to hang out together and alone in a mall while holding hands.

_Yeah. Because they'll totally believe that, Lazuli._

_Fuck you inside voice__._

We walk around looking at things we want but don't need. If every time I saw something I wanted, I bought it, I'd probably be living in a mud penthouse. Let's be honest. I am a simple girl who doesn't use extravagant clothes or expensive jewelry or those trending shoes and stuff. I am a simple girl who uses jeans, white sneakers, and a blue hoodie every single day. Of course, I have different pairs of jeans and a couple of other pairs of shoes and other blue hoodies in case one of them is dirty, but I'm still a girl. I like to look good under my hoodie. Sometimes I just shove on any shirt and sometimes I like to match together my bra my underwear and my shirt. It's just how I work. Once in a while I like to just look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I look decent.

"Are you sure you don't want anything?" Peridot asks me.

"I am completely sure, " I respond.

"How about a bracelet? Or a a necklace? Or a ring?" he asks.

"A ring? We're not getting married! We're teenagers, " I look at him fully, "Well, I'm a teenager. You're practically an adult."

"I am very responsible, " he says praising himself.

"No, in that category you're a hormonal teenager. You just look like an adult, " I explain.

"Okay. But regardless of all of that, I want to buy you something, Lazuli!" he says.

"I told you Prince Charming, I don't need anything, " I tell him.

"It's not about needing Lazuli. Once in a while, you just have to treat yourself to whatever you want, " he says.

"No I don't, " I answer.

"Just let me treat you!" he insists. _He's so fucking stubborn. _

"No" I say.

"Come on!" he says, smiling.

"You're so fucking stubborn!" I say. He smiles as if proud of that.

"That's a synonym for determined, " he says.

"It's really cute how you think your stubbornness is going to get you anywhere, " I tell him. He shakes it off and continues to grin. He puts his arm around my waist and pulls me closer.

"I'll keep insisting. I will keep insisting later and tomorrow and next week until you give in, " he says, "Maybe I'll even make you a deal."

That intrigues me "What deal?"

He grins with that mischievous grin of his that I so love to hate.

"I'll stop insisting on buying you something, for a kiss, " he says. My face reddens. _We do more than that._

"So, do I get to choose my gift or is it whatever you want?" I ask. He grins once again.

"I'll tell you what, and I'll give you options, " he says.

"Okay," I say.

Why didn't I guess? Of course, it was going to have something to do with jewelry. Peridot is just so typical. Of course, this guy is going to but something is going to want to buy expensive and unnecessary things.

At the mall, there are stores on all four floors. However, apart from those stores there are also small stands in the middle of the mall that have different things. Some are for phone, others are for T-shirts, and food and stuff. But there are always a few that are for jewelry specifically. A bunch of earrings, necklaces, rings, bracelets, and all that stuff.

Most of it looks nice. Some look too simple while others look like too much. I'm sure queens are use to wearing a lot more elegant and heavy things stuffed with jewels and precious stones and stuff that suffocates me with just looking at it.

"Does it have to be jewelry?" I ask.

"Unless you're rethinking my other proposal, " he says. I shake my head and let it be. It's better not to argue. If I do, I'll waste my time and never win.

I look through all the choices. Many different options to choose from though if I'm being honest, there's too many I like and others I don't. I definitely like the silver looking ones than the gold looking ones.

"See anything you like?" Peridot asks me.

"Uh.." to be honest, one of the reasons I don't like going to jewelry stores, or anything of the matter is that there are a few times I actually like something, but it either doesn't fit me, I like too many things, or I just can't afford it(more like I'm too lazy to wait in line). The point is that it's really awkward to have Peridot buy me something. I know he's my secret boyfriend and wants to be the typical boyfriend that gets his girl stuff and is like super romantic and stuff, but it's still awkward and so cliche regardless of how much is flatters me. Besides, I don't want to take advantage of his financial situation because no matter how many times he denies it or the reasons he gives to justify his denial, he still is rich as hell. He may love me as much as he says, but even he doubted me as I have doubted him and continue to do so so many times. He doesn't deserve my doubts, but I can't help but have them.

I wonder if Pearl actually loves him or if she just likes him because of his looks and his money. To find a guy that is handsome and hot, a guy that is a fucking badass that knows when to control himself, a guy that is your same age and healthy and not only that, but is also loaded, that's rare. Apart from all of that, he loves and respects me as his girlfriend. That's rare. Prince Charming lives up to his name, he's a diamond. A beautiful and rare diamond that so many people would give so much to have. _How lucky am I that he loves and accepts me?_ I've been told that he met Pearl when he moved and she immediately became obsessed with him, I winder if he really didn't give her reasons too. After all, he didn't know if he was ever going to see me again and she was right there throwing herself on him. I guess perhaps that's why he didn't like her. She keeps throwing herself onto him while I give myself to respect and demand my personal space. _Even if he doesn't listen._

"So, which one?" he asks again. The woman that is in charge of the establishment comes over and starts telling us the different prices of different things and to my surprise, they are not that expensive. I think that's Peridot's favorite part even though he doesn't say anything. That would definitely be my favorite part if I were the one paying.

"Come on, Lazuli. Money is money, but time is precious, " he says.

"Well if you're in a hurry, then you pick, " I say. He smirks.

"Nevermind. Forget I said that, " I say. I take in my hand a silver chain necklace that has a tiny teardrop charm. While the chain is silver, the charm is dark blue. It looks nice, but there are so many others to choose from. I hold the charm between my fingers as I glance at the other ones.

"That one is pretty, " Peridot says as he glances at the one in my hands. The woman comes back to us and also glances at my hands.

"It is. I just got it today! Stainless steel it is, it stays in the same condition as this. You can a shower with it and it won't fade. But beware of chemicals, any metal wears and fades with chemicals. But it is very pretty. Do you know the choker necklaces? Yes, it is almost like that, " she says. She continues to speak but I only half listen. Once she is done, Peridot takes the necklace from my hands and observes it.

"Do you like this one, or do you want to keep looking?" he asks me. In all sincerity, I want to say that I do love it, but it is still strange to have him buy me something.

I blush as I nod.

"How much?" Peridot asks the woman as he gestures to the necklace.

"Thirty-five dollars, " she says. Peridot takes his wallet out and pays her. She gives him five dollars change. She offers a bag but we politely wave her off, thank her, and leave. Peridot takes my hand and pulls me to the side.

"Turn around, " he says. I do so as he brings the necklace up to my face and the cold steel wraps around my neck. He clips it together from the back and it wraps around the base of my neck as a choker would. The blue charm stands out and is noticeable even though I have my hoodie on. I turn back around and he looks down on me, admiring me.

"It suits you, " he whispers. His words flow through the enormous chamber full of life and people, but he doesn't say it for them, they fall on my ears and my ears only.

"I need to use the bathroom, " I say abruptly. He nods and looks around.

"Over there, " he gestures across the mall.

He waits for me outside while I attend to my business inside. The bathroom is no better than those in school. The paper is cheap, the bathroom stalls are dirty. I can't believe how some people don't flush the toilet or how some stalls don't have a trashcan. They don't want us to throw our stuff into the toilet but they put no trash cans. Thankfully, I get a stall with a trash can so I don't have to worry about that.

I do my business even though it was really just an excuse because it all felt so weird. Sure, I'm happy, but it still feels strange. I look through the mirror at the necklace on my neck as I wash my hands. It might not be much, but it feels like a diamond. It's a trinket I shall forever treasure like the English crown jewels.

As I try to dry my hands on my sweater and pants my feet move at my command. I head for the door but when I look, I immediately turn back with my back against the wall and a hand over my chest. _Fuck._

I attempt to glance as Peridot tries to convince Amethyst, Sapphire, Ruby, Steven, Connie, Scarlett, and Luke that he is here alone. Yet they continue to flock around him and insinuate that he is here with a girl. It is true, but we can't tell them that. If they see me coming out it will be the end. Luke eyes Peridot suspiciously and I fear that my secret boyfriend may have told his brother more than he should have.

I watch as Peridot attempts to sway them and fails. They circle him and ask him questions which I can perfectly hear.

"You sure? You have a girlfriend don't you?" Amethyst asks while the others begin to ponder on the idea.

"Oh, my fuck! Is it Lapis? Where is she?" Scarlett says. Prince Charming is starting to lose control of the situation.

"It's not Lazuli, " he says so casually.

"Really?" Steven asks.

"But you don't deny you have a girlfriend?" Ruby asks. Prince Charming smirks as he looks behind their shoulders towards me. He does so in a discreet manner as to not let them know I'm here. It's that smirk that let's me know he knows how to play it off, but it lets me know I won't like it. He doesn't look guilty at all.

"Yes, I do have a girlfriend, " he says. Everyone if them starts asking questions and I mentally strangle him. _I'm going to beat the shit out of him._

"Lapis?" Luke asks. _This kid is way too smart._

"No. And I won't tell you, " he says. If he won't tell them who I am then why would he tell them that he has girlfriend? He's a fucking idiot! That's why!

"Then will you tell us about her?" Scarlett asks.

He smirks and they notice.

"Well what can I say?" he asks before continuing. _Fucking shit._ "She's amazing and beautiful and she copies off of me, but she's smart."

"Then she's also very modest and what can I say? She's too good to even begin to attempt to describe her, " _I'm going to kill him._

"You're in l-love!" Luke says. He wears the smile only the Diamond brothers can wear perfectly. The one wear they know what's going on. _He's fucking dead. Dead and crazy._

"You got to present this girl to us, " Amethyst says in a sly way.

That is when I realize I got to get the fuck out of here. There's a lot of people coming and going out. I wait for a tall woman and her two tall daughters to start leaving. I put my hood on and leave with them. I hear as Peridot tries to convince them to leave and I literally have no clue how he's got this under control.

The mother and daughters notice me but they say nothing when they also notice Amethyst ranting names of who his lover might be. In fact, they huddle closer together, covering me. I am grateful eternally grateful because the only thing more awkward than a mother and her daughters asking me why I'm sneaking next to them is to have all of my friends see me and figure out that that I'm Prince Charming's secret lover.

"Well, I better get going. Don't want to keep the Queen of my heart waiting, " he says as he steps back and puts a hand over his chest, where his heart is. _I'm going to kill this son of a bitch._

"Peridot!" Amethyst yells.

I turn and thank the mother and daughters. They are so fucking tall, next to them, I look like a beetle. But they're so cool about it. They ask me if that was my boyfriend and if our relationship was a secret. Even though I shouldn't tell any stranger about my personal life, I respond sincerely. I thank them again and they leave.

I walk into a clothing store that is right next to the bathroom to wait for Peridot. My heart hammers against my rib cage and I can hear the thumping of it in my ears. It's kind of funny actually. I laugh even though I almost got my ass busted just now.

I pretend to be looking through clothes in the back when Peridot comes in and I stop faking to like shopping.

"I'm going to kill you, " I tell him. He doesn't seem to care.

"But we just got together like a month ago, " he complains with that smirk.

"Luke knows, doesn't he?" I ask.

"Lazuli, I told him that I love you, I didn't tell him that we are dating. If he put two and two together, that's not my fault. It's simply my brother, " he says with pride.

"Anyone with half a brain cell can out two and two together!" I say.

_It's simply my brother._ Fucking idiot. Just because he is smart and Luke is his brother, doesn't mean that Luke is smart too. I mean, Luke is smart, but I'm sure that being brothers have nothing to do with it. Anyone with half a brain can see the connection as Amethyst and Scarlett and the others have. I'm sure Sapphire will soon figure it out.

"Well, we better get out of here before they do, " he adds. Now that, I can agree on.


	37. Chapter 37

**The Cruelest Type of Lie**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

The next day, you could say was one of the worst and confusing days of my entire life.

The day started out like every other day. I woke up, did my stuff, took my pills, gave Jane her food, and went to school. I had actually forgotten to do my homework so I did it in the morning while I had a small breakfast. I grabbed a Quaker chocolate chip bar and stuffed it into my backpack.

Like every day before I leave, Jane looks at me as if pleading for me not to go. I simply crouch down and assure her that I love her and that I'll be back. I place a kiss on her forehead as she closes her eyes, and then I'm gone.

I have my first few classes before it's time for lunch. I don't eat anything because the food is something to be feared. But I watch Amethyst and Ruby eat. They ask me questions about where I was yesterday and I tell them that I was at home. They ask me what I was doing and I tell them that I was doing homework. Amethyst, being Amethyst, isn't going to let me off the hook. She keeps asking me questions and stuff until my beloved and idiotic Prince Charming arrives to make things worse.

"Hey Peridot, so why don't you tell us more about your mystery lover?" Amethyst asks with a sly smile.

Even though Sapphire has bangs that cover her eyes, I feel her eyes on me. I sneak a glance at her. She is as calm as ever, but I feel like I'm suffocating. If this necklace we're any smaller, I probably would.

"What do you want me to say?" he asks. _If I didn't kill him last night, I'll kill him today._

"I don't know, maybe who she is, " Amethyst suggests.

"Nope" he responds.

"Ugh! Okay, then, what does she look like?" she asks.

"Oh, well, " he looks at all of them and then at me and then back at Amethyst.

"She's really pretty, " he says. I hope I'm not blushing.

"She's very beautiful even though she doesn't like to admit it. She's very modest you could say, " he starts.

"She has these beautiful eyes, they're so big and deep and if you guys knew who it was you would agree, " he says, "Mon amour is also very smart. As I said, she copies off of me sometimes, but she has good grades and her test scores aren't bad."

I am very tempted to say that I am very bad at math and science. Mostly math. But that would give me away, wouldn't it? Now I have to sit still, tolerating as Prince Charming indirectly compliments me in front of everyone. It's embarrassing.

"What does she look like?"

"A human being, "

"C'mon!" Amethyst yells.

"Well, I'm not wrong. I'm not going to date a spider, " Peridot says trying to defend his 'witty' answer. Ruby nods while Amethyst laughs.

"True though. Good luck trying to fuck that!" she says as she continues to laugh. I find her response quite inappropriate and irrelevant. But it reminds me of my own doubts about being a good girlfriend. I push those thoughts away. He is still with me, and this necklace is material proof that he does love me. The way he looks at me and talks to me is also proof that he loves me. He's waited years for me not knowing whether he would ever see me again, but he waited. And he's mine.

"At least I don't have to fuck you, " Peridot says to Amethyst. It's my turn to crack a smile even though it was an uncalled-for response. She makes a face but then keeps laughing.

"I guess you're not wrong, " she says.

Amethyst is very weird. Then again, I'd like to see the first person who isn't.

After lunch, I go to the rest of my classes. Last, I have social studies or history or whatever. Like every single day, Amethyst copies off of my work because she sits right next to me. I plead for her to write it in her own words because. It appears that sometimes when they say that they have it under control, it turns out, that that is when they most need help. I'm talking about Amethyst, of course.

After class, Amethyst asks me to wait for her. I do, which means I'm like ten minutes late. I would almost be at my house by now. If I were walking fast. Which I would be doing anyway for no reason at all.

We go out and down together. She speaks about stuff and asks me questions. All that stuff. To be honest, I don't know how she gets involved in so much drama. Why can't she just do her own thing and not get involved in so much shit? It's really not that hard. All you have to do is nothing. I think even she can handle that.

I'm not really involved in much either. Blue doesn't really count because it's not me. It's her independent relationship with her boyfriend. I'm just her friend, I have nothing else to do with it nor do I want to. It's too much work to have to keep up with everything and I don't think I have the patience or will to deal with everyone's bullshit. And their stupidity. We cannot forget about their stupidity. I'm stupid too, but I don't get into stupid situations because I have nothing better to do. I definitely have better things to do with my time, hate my life and complain about everything, for example.

We get out on the yard and I know better than to wait for Peridot out here. We almost always meet up at my house except for the few times we have walked together.

Amethyst notices people huddling around and she pulls me over.

"Do we have to go?" I ask.

"Well, everyone else is going, " Amethyst says.

"We aren't everybody, are we?" I ask.

"Well, you're definitely not, " she says. I simply roll my eyes. Perhaps Amethyst isn't the easiest to get along with, but I am sure that if I needed her help to back me up against someone in a fight, she would definitely have my back. I think.

She looks around and grabs the elbow of the sleeve of some guy that passes by.

"What's so interesting?" Amethyst asks him.

"Your little friend is with a girl, " he responds. Amethyst's face immediately lights up while I have no idea what is going on. She literally squeals. I become scared.

"Come on!" she says as she grabs my sleeve and drags me.

She pulls me and I have to use the nonexistent good coordination I have to move out of the way of people. And for what? For some stupid guy kissing a stupid girl. I cant believe these people just show off in public. I'm trying to go home and you're doing thus stuff in my way, like what the fuck?

When I look at the guy and the girl, my entire world crumbles apart. The boy who said he loved me, stands there, in front of the crowd kissing a girl I don't even know. He doesn't even pull away. In fact, he puts his hands on the side of her face, holding her so tenderly and lovingly. It almost looks like he enjoys it, like he likes it. Because he does. Because it's something I can't give him.

They look so natural together, it's as if she were his girlfriend. Her hair is long and black, beautiful. Her skin is a little dark, but fair nevertheless. Her figure is thin and small. She's pretty. And what am I?

I'm a joke. That's what I am. I'm Prince Charming's fucking joke.

The worst part is that I can't do anything. Our relationship or whatever it was, was a secret. _I'm the_ _other._ I'm the second choice. Why am I surprised? Why would anyone choose me first?

Like the unimportant and invisible person that I am, I slip away into the shadows. Amethyst doesn't notice that I leave. I doubt anyone notices, much less cares. Peridot doesn't seem to notice me either.

I walk fast. For the first few moments, I don't know how to feel or how to respond. Everything was so sudden and there was nothing there that would have told me it could have come to this. But I should have guessed.

I fall apart when I'm closing the front door. I ignore Jane and throw my backpack on the floor. My phone rings in my pocket and I pull it out. Amethyst. I decline and throw my phone on the couch but it bounces off and hits the floor. I don't care and pass it by. I move upstairs and close the door leaving Jane out.

Seven years ago, I was raped and infected with HIV. I was doomed to live with an incurable virus in my body for the rest of my life. Four drunk teenagers raped me on my birthday, and another one watched. The judge gave them less than two decades but the one who watched got out in seven years. No justice was done for me. I watched my life wither away as what was left was thrown off a dark and neverending abyss. I went mute for months, I went through a depression at the age of ten and until now. I had to go through therapy, I tried to hurt myself because I felt worthless. Then came a boy who said he loved me, he brought the moon and stars down at my feet and going against of my better judgment, I let myself fall. And I fell hard.

What do I do now? Do I cry? Do I scream?

"I'm a fucking fool!" I yell. I hear Jane bark but it's not my priority.

I start taking my hoodie off, the hard way. I pull the hood and then bend down. I put the hood under my foot and pull myself up. It takes a minute of struggling and I hear a door slide open. I pull myself up and look at Peridot who slides the balcony door close.

"Are you okay?" he asks. I keep down a sob. Hot tears stream down my face. He was just kissing another and he has the audacity to come and look at me like nothing happened.

I stand there, with my short sleeved white t-shirt. Without hesitation, I pick up my sweater and throw it at him. He's startled but catches it after it hits his chest. I look around for something else to break or throw at him. But I know one thing that would hurt him more than any vase to the head.

My fingers curl around the necklace around my neck. I only got it yesterday. Things change so quickly. Even the most beautiful rose can shrivel up so quickly under a fake sun.

"Lazuli, stop, " he says. He knows what I'm going to do, but he can't stop me.

I pull it and it breaks. I throw it at him. It hits his chest and he catches it. He looks at me but I can't stand his gaze on me after what I just saw. I turn and run to the bathroom. I hear his footsteps behind me, but I close the door behind me and lock it.

"Lazuli!" he yells. I cry on the floor.

There's nothing for me to do. What's the point in crying over a lost cause?

Maybe this wasn't meant to be. It was meant to fail from the beginning. Who can love me? I'm an unattractive teen with depression and HIV. I'm a pathetic excuse of a girl.

I get up and start searching through the drawer. Anything that could kill me instantly. But all the cleaning products are in the supply closet.

"Lazuli!"

I look behind the mirror and see my pills. I take them.

Can they kill me? I don't know, but I'll try.

I struggle with opening them. They slip and fall, but I bend down to pick them up.

"Lazuli, what are you doing?" he asks.

Opening my pills had never been hard before, but now, it seems like the most difficult thing. My hands slip and the cap doesn't budge. Tears fall from my eyes.

I hear something click and everything in my goes cold.

I make one last attempt to open the bottle of pills before Peridot puts an arm around and and takes the bottle. I wiggle my arms out and try to grab it, but he holds it high with an outstretched arm and he is taller than I am.

He looks at it for a moment while keeping me down with one arm. After a moment, he tosses my pills into the sink and then drags me out of my bathroom. I try to break free from his grip, but he is stronger than me.

His touch burns my skin. I kick the air, I try to hit him, but I fail. Just as I've failed at everything else. Why not fail at hitting my boyfriend too. He's not even my boyfriend. This was all a joke, a fucking game. I don't even know what's real.

My entire world crumbled apart less than fifteen minutes ago. I don't know how to feel. I'm not sure if I should be mad, upset or, I don't know. But everything in me feels like it's turned into a liquid. Everything looks different to me. The world looks like it did seven years ago. New and different, but for the worse. It looks full if new dangers, it's a world I don't want to be in. If I had somehow found any good in the world, it's completely gone. Gone because the man who said to have loved me, the man who said to have loved me since we met when we were kids, just proved something different.

Prince Charming is just like the kings from the time in which Europe was a monarch. The king would have a wife for political benefits, and a concubine or mistress for sex, desire, and love. I'm the mistress. Perhaps he may not have a girlfriend everyone knows about, but he is with other girls while no one knows about me. But if a mistress didn't please the king, the king would simply get another mistress. Prince Charming has become the king. I don't please him anymore. He's simply replaced me. And I have no choice but to accept my failure once again.

I shouldn't be surprised. It all ends up here eventually. It was all too good to be true.

He holds me in his arms even though I struggle. He is firm but I don't give in. Eventually, I grow tired, and my moves become more sluggish. Only then, does he let me go.

"Lazuli, " he says my name so softly and with worry. If I hadn't seen what I did, I would sincerely think him to be concerned.

I don't give him any time to finish. I yell cheater and slap him harder than I though I could. When I slap him, it feels good. I feel better, and I know he deserves it. For a moment I think Sapphire was referring to this moment. She foresaw everything and let it happen. But I don't focus on her because I immediately regret it.

I gasp and cover my mouth. He holds his cheek and looks at me shocked. More tears fall. Now I feel guilty. Even after what I saw, I know I should hate him, but I love him. I do, I really do love him.

Peridot doesn't deserve it because he made me hope. He made me believe he loved me, that he cared for me. Things were different because I also fell in love with him, but he let me down. He raised me high up among the star, and then he let me fall. But I can't hate him. If I had seen this before, it wouldn't have hurt as much. It would have just because I had not fallen. I simply would have proved myself right. Yet now, when my heart clearly dies for him, it is even more cruelty.

My arms wrap around him and I say, "I'm sorry."

I begin to cry again before he hugs me back. I crumble to the floor, and he calls with me. I bury my head into his chest as my tears wet his shirt. Everything disappears and it's only me and everything I've failed to be. Just me and memories.

People say that at the end of every night, the sun still rises in the end, and we have a brand new day full of brand new opportunities. It's a beautiful lie. A beautiful lie is the cruelest type of lie. Why? Because you are painted this beautiful oil colored painting and it's one of the most beautiful things you have ever seen. Then, once your hopes have reaches the highest they can, you fall. You fall so abruptly and you fall hard. I am trapped in an eternal winter night.

My sobs and tears rage uncontrollably. I can't be comforted. It feels like everything in me broke. I've been broken far too many times to still be able to break, but I still do.

There is a tense silence until I manage to calm down vaguely to speak, "Why did you kiss her?"

"You saw that?" he asks.

"Why did you kiss her? What's wrong with me?" I ask as the tears come back?

Everything is. Everything is wrong with me. Everything from my hair color to my blood is wrong. What can he possibly find attractive in me? Nothing. There is nothing I can brag about. I can't brag about being pretty, tall, smart, or athletic. I am nothing. I am worthless.

What kind of guy would ever want to be with a girl that's been raped and has HIV? No one. Everything in me is wrong. No guy wants fo be with a girl who has issues to trust or a girl who was once severely depressed or a girl who tried to take her own life. I'm a mess, and people don't like to deal with messes. They prefer to live a life without any problems.

"There's nothing wrong with you. It's me, "

It's one of the most overused phrases ever.

"I'm sorry. I made a bet and I-I-I didn't think it through. I swear, " he tries to justify himself.

"I didn't know you were going to be there, " he finishes. He wouldn't have told me about his little bet if I hadn't seen him.

He pulls me away to look at me. There are a few tears in his eyes, but he's not crying like I am. He puts his hands on the side of my face, as he did to her. My tears fall on his hands. I put mine on his wrists.

"I wasn't thinking. It didn't mean anything, I swear, " he says. It's so hard to believe him even though every part of me wants to.

He broke his promise, just as he broke me.

The next thing I do is something I never thought I would do, especially under a circumstance like this. I break my own rules.

I kiss him. We're both on the floor, and tears stream from both of our faces, but I still kiss him. The kiss he had with that other girl doesn't matter anymore. It still bothers me, but right now what's more important is this. The fact that I love him and I'm willing to forgive him because I love him.

He doesn't respond to my kiss. He pulls me away and looks at me, shaking his head.

"Not like this, " he says. I don't like it. I don't like it because I know he's right. I didn't let him kiss me before, and I only let him now because I love him and I couldn't bear to lose him. Nor would I bear to lose him for my own fault.

I simply accept it and hug him. My tears fall silently.

"What were you going to do?" he asks me. My mind was a mess of confusion and sadness that were drawn my the anger I was feeling, but I knew exactly what I was doing.

My silence is all the answer he needs.

"I'm sorry, " he says again after a moment. He really does say it with guilt and shame. But taking the pills were my choice and my choice only. And I don't regret it.

_I really can't take another disappointment._

I'm like a person who has grown too old. I've been through this already for so long, I'm tired, and I can't keep doing it. Disappointment after disappointment, I'll snap eventually, as I did now. The difference is that when I snap, no one will be able to stop me. I know what I'm capable of doing to myself, it scares me, but it's a small euthanasia that will horrify the world. To the world it will be a horrific way of leaving, and coward way, but it's the most honorable thing to admit that you have no fixing.

In war, spies were given suicide pills. If they were caught, they took the pill before they could be interrogated and tortured. So they don't give anything away. I may not have the title of soldier, but I'm still fighting a war.

"Haven't you ever wanted to end it all?" I ask in a low voice. My voice is cold and void of emotion. He stiffens.

"Of course I have," he says it in an embarrassed way.

"When my dad left, it was too much for me. I took my anger out in everyone else," Prince Charming explains, "But this isn't about me."

"No, its not. Its about the poor raped teen who only wants attention," I say.

_All she's looking for is attention! Why do you think she dyed her hair and is failing most of her classes?_

Its what my mom said when I fourteen. I was struggling in school. Everything was hard for me, and everyone's jokes weren't helping. That was around the time I dyed my hair for the first time. I was struggling so bad and I wanted help but I didn't want to go back to therapy. I didn't want more medicine. The pills for my HIV are more than enough. Of course, my mom thought I was doing it on purpose to get attention.

"What are you talking about?" he asks me.

"Nothing, " I respond.

We sit like that for the rest of the evening. There's mostly silence even though we speak once in a while. The silence is bearable, and even after what happened earlier, it feels good to be in his arms. I forget about everything and almost fall asleep. I only do realize how much time has passed when he moves beneath me.

"Lazuli, you're parents will be home soon," he says.

It's too soon. The time we spend together is too short and I long for him too much.

I grab his arm, "Don't leave-" I'm about to say me, but think better of it, "-please."

I hold his arm and look up at him, pleading, begging, for him to not go. To not leave me alone with my thoughts.

"You're parents-" he starts.

"They won't find out. Please. You told me you didn't like to be in your house. Stay. Tomorrow is Saturday," I hope I can convince him. He looks at me, he can't tell me no. I know he wants to stay, but his judgment and nerdiness make him question if its the best choice.

The part of me that has seen the world and it's people for what it is, wants him to leave. But the hormonal teenage part of me wants him to stay. Every part of me longs for him, but what they tell me is different. I want him to lay down beside me, and sleep with me, and when I wake up, I want him to be the first thing I see. It's fucking cliche. But I don't want to be alone. Especially not under these conditions and circumstances.

He takes a moment to respond.

"I'll stay, " he says. I smile and hug him again.

We don't do homework. After all, it's the weekend. We have until Monday to do it. There are more important things than homework.

When my parents come home, Peridot hides in the bathroom while my dad comes in and Jane climbs on my bed. I pretend to be reading while my laptop sits next to me, Jane sniffing it. He asks me how school was and everything. I respond with half of the truth.

"It was good, " I say.

"That's good, when's parent-teacher conferences?" he asks. _Fuck!_

"Oh, umm, I don't know," I say.

He starts saying something but I don't hear. I remember that I broke the necklace Peridot bought me only yesterday. It's completely ruined because of me. I don't know where it is. It's probably somewhere on the floor, lying there broken and destroyed. A small meaningless trinket that isn't supposed to be worth more than it's price. But it does. We tend to get attached to material things that have a certain worth to us. We don't get attached because it's pretty, or it's expensive, we get attached because it represents something to us. Something we don't want to forget. Sometimes we do so subconsciously, other times we know exactly what it means.

After my dad leaves, Peridot comes out a minute later. He looks at the door before looking at me. He comes and sits on my bed, next to me.

"You're nervous?" I whisper, trying to lighten the mood.

"I'm in the younger girlfriend's room. Of course, not, " he says. I lay my head on his shoulder and give a small smile.

"You've never done this before?" I ask. He shakes his head. He puts a hand under my chin and then hold my face in his hand. His thumb rubs my cheek. Even though his gestures of affections make me feel good, I want more.

"Are you hungry?" I ask him.

"A little, " he answers.

"I'll try to sneak you something up, " I tell him.

He waits for me as I go downstairs and decide to make an egg and cheese roll. Half for him and half for me. If I would have gotten cereal, my mom would have probably said something about it. Something around the lines of you're wasting the fucking cereal. Obviously, I have to make my sandwich myself. My mom is busy doing other stuff. Stuff that has nothing to do with me. But that doesn't bother me, on the contrary. I hope she stays like that all night. She's done so for the last seven years, she'll handle it for another night.

After I'm done, I grab a cup and fill it with water. Then I go upstairs. Jane follows me in while Peridot comes out of the bathroom. He gets startled when he sees me come in.

"Are you okay?" I ask him.

"Yeah, " he answers.

I put the plate on my bed and the cup on the night stand. He does on the bed while Jane also jumps on top.

I go to the bathroom. I use it and watch my hands, but before I leave, I notice that the small storage space under the sink is slightly open. I bend down and open it. Nothing is really out of place, but it's noticeable. Peridot was in here, he was probably searching for something. Nothing is taken, just moved by a millimeter. I check behind the mirror and find my pills back in there and again, things slightly moved.

It comes to me slowly, that be wasn't searching for something in specific, he was just making sure that nothing in here could hurt me. After my episode earlier, he doesn't want to take any chances. I don't blame him. I may not be an all powerful protagonists from the books, but I am definitely unstable.

My phone rings and I go outside.

"Its Blue," he says.

I haven't talked to her in the last two days. Yesterday, rehearsals were most probably canceled because she spoke to Jamie, unless something else happened. She didn't call me yesterday, nor would I expect her to, but I don't know what happened.

I out a finger on my lips, gesturing him to be quiet. I answer and put it on speaker. I put it next to me ear, Peridot also huddles close.

"Lapis, " she cries.

"Are you crying?* I ask her.

"Yes, but-but, that's not the point. I need your help, " she says.

"With what?" I ask. If it's about math and science, I'm not the right person. And if she's calling for advise on love, I'm not the right person either.

"I'm going to tell you something, and I need your help because I don't know what to do, " she says. She takes a moment to calm down. I don't say anything and only listen. I fear for what she may tell me. No one cries for nothing.

"Okay, so umm, I talked with Jamie, and-and, that's why rehearsals were canceled. We talked. And, well, I didn't say anything. It was him. I wanted us to keep trying, but he-he, he told me that we should take some times to collet ourselves. Whatever that means, " she sniffles.

"You guys broke up?" I ask.

"No. No. Of course, not. He told me we should just take a break. To, you know, figure things out and calm down. But that's just it. There is nothing to figure out! All I want is for you to be attentive, why cant you fucking get that?" she says.

"Is tha-" I start but she interrupts.

"But that's not all! " she says.

"Lapis. No one, hear me! No one! Can ever know, about what I am about to tell you. Not unless I give you permission or I tell first. Got it?" she asks. I nod, but she can't see that.

"Yeah, " I say as I look at Peridot. Once again, I tell him to say nothing.

"Lapis, I don't know how it happened. I just might have sort of had sex with Jamie's cousin, " she says. Both Peridot and I widen pur eyes.

"What?" I ask in surprise. I have to out my hand on Peridot's mouth to stop him from making a sound.

"I know! I can't believe it myself! I fucking hate myself, but the problem is I, I... Ugh! Why is this so fucking hard?" she asks herself?

"Umm, I-" again, she doesn't let me finish.

"The thing is, I liked it, " Blue says.

"You what?" I ask. She cheated on her boyfriend with his cousin, and she liked it. How can someone do that? It's true that he didn't pay attention to her, and asked for a 'break', but still.

"I know! I feel so bad, and confused. This guy is a douche bag, but I really, really liked it. And him!" she says. _I have never been in a more uncomfortable situation._ I've been in some pretty awkward situations, but this is even more uncomfortable because it's not me. It's her. I know I can say something wrong or tell her something and she may take it the wrong way. Or I may give her wrong advise or she may misunderstand and do something else. Or worse. I could give her advise, and she could take it. Then there is the chance that it may go wrong.

"Umm, what's this guy's name?" I ask.

"Kevin. Real douche bag, but very hot and very wild, " she says. I don't think she's crying anymore.

She keeps telling me stuff and repeating other things. Peridot starts eating his half of the egg and cheese sandwich h.

"So anyway, what do you think?" she finally asks. Everything she said shocks me. Peridot looks as surprised as me.

"Umm, well, Im not sure. Are you going to tell Jamie?" I ask her.

"ARE YOU CRAZY??" she asks. I put my fingers on the audio holes at the bottom of my phone to stop it from sounding so loud, "Of course not! But I'm still not sure of what I'm going to do."

"Well-"

"Are you free tomorrow?" she asks. Peridot is staying with me over the night, but I cant tell her that.

"No,"

"How about sunday?" she asks me. I look at Peridot.

"I-"

"We can go to the mall and get manicures-" she says. I cringe at that thought, "and pedicures and all that stuff. I just really need to talk to someone and get everything out of my system."

"You don't have to pay anything, as long as you're there. I'll pay if you want," she says. I feel bad. I don't want her to pay for my stuff.

I think about it for a moment. If I go, it will definitely be uncomfortable because I'm not use to all of that stuff. I find that doing my nails is a pain and a nuisance in putting on and getting off. Besides, it will be the mall.

"Okay," I say even though I am not completely confident in my decisions.

We say our goodbyes and I hang up.

"You are getting a manicure?" Peridot asks me.

"That's the first thing you're asking?" I ask him as I grab my half of the sandwich.

"Well, yeah, but I guess I really can't say anything else on the other thing, right?" he says.

Once I'm done eating my half of the egg and cheese roll, I grab the cup of water and take my pill. I then take a pair of pajamas and head to the bathroom. I change into a pair of black sleeping shorts and a comfortable yellow t-shirt. It's the first time Peridot is seeing me without a pair of jeans and a hoodie. I tell him he can wash his mouth with listerine in my bathroom while I say goodnight to my parents.

Jane follows me as I say goodnight and bring the plate of the egg and cheese roll down. It takes my mom a moment to even acknowledge that I exist, but once she does she gives a forced kiss on the cheek. I wish she wouldn't, but if she wants to keep her charade up of 'present mother' I guess I can't say anything about it. It would be easier on all of us if she wouldn't fake it. My dad knows I exist and gives me a sincere hug and wishes me goodnight.

Once I am back in my room, Peridot is sitting on my bed with one of my books in hand. I let him read while I brush my teeth and undo my hair. My hair is waist-long. It's very thick, which only makes it an even bigger nuisance.

After I finish, he puts the book at my desk while I take the blanket out. I sit down while he takes his jacket off. I too, proceed to take my bra off. It may be very uncomfortable being that my boyfriend will be sleeping right next to me, but since it reduces chances if getting breast cancer, what am I going to do about it?

Peridot notices what I do, but says nothing about it. He turns the lights off as I lay down and snuggle into the blankets that cover me. He sleeps to my left, his back is to the balcony door.

He slips into my bed right next to me after taking his glasses or visors or whatever off. He takes my hand and squeezes it. I snuggle closer to him until my head right under his jaw. His hand leaves mine as he cradles me. With one hand, he plays with my hair, while with the other one, he keeps me close.

I feel as though I were doing something forbidden or dangerous. Most likely because I am. There is a nineteen year old boy in my bed. Anyone who knows we are unmarried teenagers of the early twentieth century would be scandalized at the idea. If they were not from the twentieth century. I myself feel like I'm doing something wrong.

"I like your hair," he whispers. I don't say anything even though I smile.

There is another moment of comfortable silence where all he does is hold me. That's all he needs to do. Hold me. Hold me and not let go. His fingers comb my hair while mine are against his chest.

He is strong. Prince Charming is strong, handsome, humorous, extremely smart, and protective. He's my prince charming. Mine.

"If I asked you to marry me, would you accept?" he asks me even though this has nothing to do with marriage.

I don't look at him but wait, hoping that he would whip out a diamond ring out of nowhere, get down on one knee, and ask those words again as cliche as it might sound. But when I wait for it, he doesn't do that. My prince is simply silent, awaiting my answer.

Marriage. Of course, I have thought about it. I've imagined a future where Peridot and I are together. A future where we get our happily ever after. But it seems to soon, and it seems to good to be true. Nevertheless, I would give in without a doubt.

"Yes," I whisper back. I can't tell whether he's grinning or smirking, but I know he's pleased with my answer.

"Lapis Lazuli, I love you," he whispers through the dark.

I say the three words I thought it would be impossible for me to ever say. The three words that take the most courage, the three words that can make or break. The three hardest but most important words I'll ever have to say.

"I love you too," I whisper back before I fall asleep.

* * *

**The Next Morning**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

I have a nightmare. It's been a long time since I have one of those. They're very random. Yet they are all almost the same. In each nightmare, I am raped and no one can help me. What varies is my age and sometimes who rapes me and things like that. I am seventeen in my nightmare, but I can't see the face of my rapist.

I plead for it to stop. But they don't have any pity on me. They whisper sick things, and touch everywhere. I feel like dying again. It's embarrassing and humiliating.

I wake up, sweating and panting. When I find that someone is holding me, I feel like pushing them away on instinct. Then I remember that it's Peridot.

Dreams never get easier to handle. Especially since they're so random. I had them a lot more frequently when I was ten and eleven.

I try to forget about my dream and everything that happened yesterday and try to focus only on this. The fact that Peridot is here with me.

He is still asleep. I watch as his diaphragm rises and falls. His arms are still around me under the sheets. I put my hand on his chest, right above where his heart should be, and I feel his heartbeat. It soothes me even though it is only a steady beat that must stay constant to keep me alive. This is real. As much as his heartbeat.

I still can't believe he is here, with me. I can't believe he really loves me, he's really here. He's willing to stay. He loves me, I can't doubt it. I can only fear that his love for me may not be enough or may end quickly. I can't let that happen.

I am able to raise my head enough to look at his neck. His chin still rests on my head. I've never seen Peridot sleep apart from that one time when he got jumped after a fight. The sight of all those bruises and cuts on him horrified me more than anything. The sight of him in pain horrifies me as much the sight of him sleeping calms me. I place a small kiss on his neck. He barely moves.

I cuddle closer to him, taking his heat in. I put my hand on his arm and outline his muscles. His arms aren't grossly thick, but they are big and strong. My hand slips under his sleeves and up to his shoulder.

Nothing bothers me. Not that he's older, not that he's a boy, not that he kisses another yesterday, or that I'm different, or that I'm not wearing a bra. He respects me, only goes as far as I allow him to.

I spend another hour and a half just laying there in his arms, taking in his warmth, and feeling his heartbeat before he wakes up.

"Bonjour Sleeping Beauty, " he whispers as he stretches and then firms his grip in me.

"Buenos dias, to you Prince Charming, " I reply.

"It's still too early, " he complains.

"I woke up before you, " I say.

"What time is it?" he asks me.

"Do I look like I know?"

"I can't tell because I'm not looking at you, but I'd say you looks as beautiful and clueless as ever, " he says.

"Shut the fuck up, " I say.

He shifts. Peridot separates from me and pulls me up until I'm just a little over eye level with him. Under the sheets, his left hand pull me closer as I wrap my leg around his waist. _I really am smaller than him__._ His hand goes up my waist, to my back, and it settles at the back of my neck.

His bright forest green eyes are clearer and brighter without his visors on. His hair is a mess. I'm sure mine is no better though.

"Since when do you use glasses?" I ask him.

"Since I can remember. I'm not sure uf you know this about me Lazuli, but I use to read a lot," he says.

"Like your life depended on it," I add.

"I use to read to you," he says as his fingers tucl a strand of hair behind my ear.

"And don't even get me started on the singing," I say.

"You liked it," he puts a hand on my bicep and pulls me closer until our noses touch.

"A little,"

"Just a little? You would sing too," he says.

"Shut up," I say, "Do want to know one of the only thing I have never seen you do?"

It perks his interest as he raises an eyebrow, "What?"

"Play an instrument," I say.

"Oh. That. Well, I've tried, bu its not really my thing," he says. I look at him.

"Nah. I don't believe you. You probably can't, can you?" I insinuate.

"I can if I wanted to, Lazuli," He says. I laugh.

"I've never seen or heard you play an instrument," I say.

"I can sing," he says.

"So can I. And I'm bad at almost everything I do. That's not saying a lot, Prince Charming, " I say in an as a matter of fact voice. He raises an eyebrow.

"I still wonder where you got that nickname from," he says.

"Snow White. A cliche and the prince barely did anything but kiss the dead corpse of a fourteen year old, but it suits you," I say as I run my fingers through his blond and smooth hair.

"The original story is a lot more gruesome," he whispers.

I smile, "Please do, continue."

He smiles and caresses my cheek.

"The prince actually asked the dwarfs to take the fourteen-year-old princess because he thought she was too beautiful. He saw she was so beautiful because the dwarfs thought she was too beautiful to bury which is why they put her in a glass coffin," he starts.

"That's too much beauty," I say.

"Anyway, he took her and kept an entire room dedicated just for the coffin with the princess. It doesn't specify how much time passed, but after some time, it was either a servant that his the corpse in the back or the prince that was doing god knows what, that caused a piece of an apple to come out if the princess' throat. So they got married, " he explains.

"So, he could have been... you know?" I ask him. He nods.

"But we'll never truly know, " Peridot adds.

"How old was this guy?" I ask.

"I'm not sure, but he was definitely older than her by a significant amount, " he says.

We lay there, just staring at each other as if nothing else mattered because nothing else should. Nor our differences nor what we have in common. All that matters is us, and this moment. A moment that can last forever, or be destroyed by a single choice. Which is why I can't live like I have all the time in the world. I would be foolish to think that I do.

I put my hands on the side of his face as he has so many times done to me. My lips press on his, and he doesn't stop me like yesterday. His arm on my waist grips me tighter and pulls me closer. Even though I've been eating more, I am still skinny and my waist couldn't be bigger than a foot.

One of his hands touches my bare back but goes no further. My fingers go into his hair. It's so soft and blond, much nicer than my hair which if it were my natural color, would be dull. Dull and rough.

We separate and he smiles, but looks like an idiot in doing so.

"That's a nice way to start off my Saturday morning, " he says.

"I love you, " I say.

"That's a first, " he says. But his smile fades quickly and dissipates into a frown.

"If that was about yesterday-" I don't let him finish as I plant another kiss on his lips.

"No. It's not, " I respond once we are separated. I hug him and rest my head on his chest. I take a deep breath before continuing.

"I just realized that there's so much against us, " my voice is small, but firm, "My mom, me, your obsessive stalker, and so much stuff."

It may seem like something so insignificant. But the more I think about it, the more I realize how dangerous the game I'm playing can turn out to be. I think that acknowledging how wrong this could go is better than thinking every single thing is going to my way. Because let's me honest, I don't remember the last time things went my way. Even the things that turn in my favor always have a catch and are always risky.

I am very much afraid of everything that can happen, but that's why we're here. That's why I asked Peridot to stay. In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take. I don't want to die tomorrow regretting not having loved as I am loved. I won't.

There are times when I regret things I've said or opportunities I didn't take. But I won't let this be one of them.

"Don't let it get to your head, " he says.

"I won't, " I reply.

Before I can say any more, a phone rings. He turns and picks his phone up.

"It's mine, " he says.

It's also Luke. The phone rings as Peridot debates on whether or not to pick up.

"You didn't call him last night?" I ask.

"No, "Peridot answers.

"You're so stupid, " I say.

"So you went from I love you, to you're a retard. You've reached a new level, Lazuli, " he says.

"Fuck you, " I say as I grab my bra and head to the bathroom. I'd like to see what excuse he comes up with this time.


	38. Chapter 38

**The Dress**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

I don't understand how women back then survived. Five months into this musical, and I'm still not fully adapted. There are two months until the actual show, and I am not going to make it.

"Stop exaggerating, " Blue tells me as she finishes helping me put the dress on. My first dress anyway. I have about another four or five.

"I'm not exaggerating, " I say.

"You are, " she replies.

"You're just saying that because you don't have to change into five different dressed in the entire show!" I say as I try to move around in my first dress.

My first dress isn't as heavy as the other one's, but it is still a dress. Everyone's clothes, no matter their role, are the same color for the opening number. A beige hue. It almost blends in with my skin. The dress is just like my second dress, but the second one is the color of my shoes.

We have choreographed nearly the entire show and we know all the songs. There are still a few people who need to continue to practice and learn their fucking lines! I mean lyrics. The lyrics! Like the learn the fucking song! No one needs to memorize any lines, that's what makes it so easy, so memorize the fucking song!

I'm glad I don't move around much. Yes, I have to move around a little bit, know where I need to be and all that stuff, but at least I don't have to move around as much as the boys and some girls need to. Even if I had to, it would be impossible for me to learn and remember all of that, much less be able to do it in this restraining dress.

Not only do I have to wear a restraining dress, and change into five different ones throughout the show, but I also have to read heels! Thank the gods they are not extremely high. They couldn't be bigger than a thick book if it were laying down on its cover. Well, it depends on how thick it is I guess. The good thing is I only do have one pair of shoes, so I don't have like ten different pairs. Yet I'm still afraid that I'm going to slip and fall on stage in front of everyone.

"Actually, I do, " she says.

"You do?" I ask as I let my hair down and try to comb it with my fingers.

"Yeah, " Blue nods as she finishes getting herself ready.

"Where are my shoes?" I ask.

My shoes are the same color as the second dress. A light shade of blue. Ruby, Sapphire, Blue, Scarlett, and Amethyst took me shopping. It wasn't on my own will. But in the end, they convinced me to get my own shoes instead of getting a pair of shoes from the costume company when I don't know who's worn them. So yeah, the blue high heel shoes are mine.

"Did you bring them in?" she asks me. I think for a moment.

"No, " I say, "I'll text Scarlett to bring them in."

"What makes you think she'll leave her violin to bring you a pair of shoes?" Blue asks me. I ponder on that for a moment. If there is anything I know about Scarlett, is that she is a great friend, a little obnoxious at times though. But her violin and her flute and whatever other instrument she plays, they're like her children, her babies.

I sigh, "Then I guess I'll have to go."

I start to leave as Blue begins to help another girl with her dress. I walk on my socks. During the rehearsals for the choreography, the dance teacher made us take our shoes off and dance and move in our socks.

Everything was embarrassing. Especially in that song, _Helpless_. It's so cheesy. And _I_ had to sing in it. I will never forget Amethyst's and Blue's faces.

Before leaving the backstage dressing areas, I look around hoping no one who can make fun of me is there. No one is, so I open the door and head to the front row seats. I go to my backpack and get my heeled shoes. After I have them, I rush back into the dressers. I breathe in relief.

I sit down in a chair and take my socks off. The shoes slide in nicely into my feet but I know eventually they will start to hurt. My shoes aren't pointy from the toes, I find pointy shoes weird.

Blue comes towards me. Once I have my socks off and shoes on, she takes my hands and pulls me up. I nearly fall but she keeps me up.

"Angelica!" She sings. _Fuck._ But I have to. I may not want to, but I do so on instinct.

"Eliza!" I sing as I gather myself and stand straight. I hear heels clink and a girl with a yellowish dress comes running. She grabs our biceps and steps between Blue and me.

"And Peggy!" she sings in that little girl's voice.

Her name is Naomi and she plays the role of Peggy. She is smaller than I am, being a freshman. She has long straight black hair that she has tied into a ponytail. She also wears heels like Blue and me.

"You know what's funny?" Naomi asks us.

"What?" we ask.

"That I am the youngest and Blue is the oldest, and you're in the middle, " she says. Blue and I look at each other.

"I never thought about that, " Blue says.

"Me neither, " I concur.

We hear a knock on the door.

"We need to start soon, " It's Jamie. Blue's ex.

"Let's go, boi!" Amethyst says as she passes through the three of us. She wears men's clothes. Obviously adjusted for a woman to wear.

She opens the door and we follow through. I am behind Blue. She looks at Jamie and Jamie looks at her but he pays her minimal attention. He's no different than he was before. There is some sadness in him, but he seems happy to be free and to not have to worry about having a girlfriend. That Sunday when Blue invited me to the mall, we talked. She bought a lot of clothes and made a lot of unnecessary comments about Jamie and his plays and musicals. She really had a lot to get out. In the end, she ended things with Jamie. Blue said she didn't want to lie to him, and she didn't want to stay in a dead-end relationship where her affections weren't returned. After two weeks or so, she started dating his cousin. But I know she still cares for Jamie.

Most of the boys are already on stage fooling around and breaking legs. The ones that sing backup are dressed in their costumes and I can't help but hold back a laugh. I rub my arms from the nervousness of all of this. I've sung in front of everyone during rehearsals, and stood on this stage before but only now that I and everyone else is in a costume do I realize how close and real this is.

"The Sch-Schuyler Sisters!"

We turn to look at Luke who comes towards us while fixing his sleeve. I know I'm dating his brother but I have to admit, he looks hot.

"Mr. Burr, sir, " I say as I put a hand on my chest and bowing my head.

"Burr, you disgust me, " Blue says putting a hand in front between us and him.

"And Peggy!" Naomi sings. We laugh.

"Pst!" Peridot comes up from behind Luke and we all turn to look at him.

"You girls want to see something?" he whispers. Blue and Naomi shake their heads but he ignores them. He then moves aside revealing Amethyst in her boy's costume.

"My son!" he says so proudly. Luke and I laugh while Blue shakes her head in disappointment and Naomi raises an eyebrow. It wasn't that funny, but the fact that it's a girl in boys clothes and she is my age makes it funny.

"Yo, " Amethyst says.

"You made that, " Blue tells me. I stop laughing.

"Positions for first song!" Jamie calls out. Before I can go to where I am supposed to, Peridot tales my hand whispers.

"If it makes you feel better, you look nice in the dress, " he says. I blush.

"And you look just as your role, Prince Charming. Young, scrappy, and a tomcat, " I say.

"But in the end, I'm yours, " with that, he leaves.

_I'm yours._

The dance teacher and the chorus teacher sit in the audience. The music teacher is stands in the middle of the two sections of seats divided by the walkway. He holds a baton. Baton is a fancy word for counting stick. At least in my opinion. The dance teacher stands up.

"This is the first dress rehearsal, so it's okay if you make a mistake or two do to your wardrobe, but you have to know what you're doing. Okay?" she says. People nod but no one says anything as we all rush to our positions. I go to the right backstage which is where I will be coming out when I sing my first part.

Even though the song is called _Alexander Hamilton_ and the musical is called _Hamilton_, Luke, or Aaron Burr, starts it.

Luke stands in the middle of the stage as the conductor(music teacher) waves his stick, cueing in ensemble to start the song. Luke begins after the orchestra and band. After Luke finishes, Amethyst goes on stage and crosses the stage slowly as she sings, when she finishes, she stands to Luke's right, behind him. Then Sapphire goes up and stands to the left, behind Luke when she sings. Ruby then emerges and stands behind Sapphire.

Then a series of complicated things happen, and before I know it, Peridot appears on stage. But before he finishes, one of the ensemble dancers pulls a chair out. Once Prince Charming is done, it's my turn. I come out from backstage for my turn.

Peridot sits on the chair as I walk slowly, singing my part. I put a hand on Peridot's shoulder and sing. When my part is over and everyone whispers about his mother's death, I put my hands in both his ears and as if to stop him from listening.

Once that is done, I disappear backstage once again as everyone else takes their turn for their parts. I can't believe I managed to do that without making some catastrophic mistake that would get me annihilated by all these theatre and band geeks. I have a list of names of people here who will always find some way to correct me. I don't even know how they do it. Everything I do is wrong to them. Like, the fuck? I don't see their names in any of the lead roles. I'm a newbie and I am a lead. But I don't say that.

The song ends with all of us Hamilton's name. Almost immediately, the next song starts. All of us who aren't in this first part, which is practically everyone, get off the stage. Blue, Amethyst, Sapphire, Ruby, Naomi, and I go backstage to change. Amethyst, Sapphire, and Ruby only change from their brown coats to their blue coats showing their devotion to America and not the British Empire's rule. Blue, Naomi, and I hurry to change into our next dress. It takes me longer than it does them. My dress is a light blue whereas Blue's is a pink hue and Naomi's is yellowish.

I almost have a heart attack when I realize how tight the dress is. I've gained a couple of pounds since the day I was measured in for costumes. The previous dress was a little more my size than this one. Though it was still a little tight, I really only attributed it towards me not liking it and it being a huge princess dress that I was not content in wearing.

"It's tight, " I say.

"It happens. It's been a few months. Sapphire or Ruby can probably adjust it, " Blue tells me.

"I'll ask them later, " I respond. For now, I have to put aside dignity, suck up my pride and walk like a penguin that's trying to hold in a fart.

The heels aren't as bad as I thought they would be. Of course I put them on before, but not for a long time. Sapphire and Ruby told me these were perfect for me because they wouldn't leave any wounds and even though they were heels, they wouldn't tire me because they were very comfortable. I hate admitting that they were right. But I mean, as long as they can't read my thoughts and know that I'm giving them credit for being right, it's all fine.

Blue, Naomi, and me come out for our short appearance in the third song I think it is. I honestly don't keep track. I just make an educated guess and pray Jamie doesn't kill me. My mind mostly focuses on what everyone else is doing and makes decisions based on that.

After our appearance and disappearance in the song, Jamie stops everyone at the end of the song. He does it only to review some of the choreography and singing at the conclusion of the song. After _My Shot_ is _The Story of Tonight_. It's practically only Peridot, Sapphire, Ruby, and Amethyst. There is an appearance of Sapphire, or Lafayette, helping an apparently drunken man out of the bar while the other guys sit around a fire or something like that. They sing and toast and drink and whatever. We still don't have actual cups. Most things like chairs and the tablets of wood, are school property. The wooden tablets, are our makeshift tables even though they don't have legs. The dancers who sing backup will be holding it up for my pretend husband. If course, we're going to be getting an actual desk for scenes like in _Take A Break_.

I have not mentioned that he looks really cute with that American revolutionary outfit. I won't tell him, he already thinks so highly of himself, I won't feed his ego. He looks more like a princess than a revolutionary with that blond princess hair of his. Luke looks more of a soldier, but I guess that's just my opinion. If I try really really hard, I can actually picture Prince Charming going to battle. It's funny because it's not true, it's only pretend. Yet I know that if America ever went to war and drafts we're brought back, I would be destroyed if he was drafted.

Wouldn't that be something? If life brought us together only to break us apart once again. Life is very cruel in how it works. It did that once to us, would it be too cruel to do it again? Whether it be in a war, or due to something else, a separation would be too much for me. And no one would know. No one but my dad and Jane. Maybe Luke and Blue know too, but that's not important. I would break in silence. No, thinking it through, I'd probably catch up with him if women also begin to be drafted due to the equality rights thing once I turn eighteen. I'd probably shit my pants.

I push all these thoughts away and focus on the task at hand when it's The Schuyler Sister's turn. Luke and all the other dancers in this won't are already onstage dancing while Luke sings. He is a lot better at singing than he is at talking though he always does manage to strike up a very interesting conversation from nothing. Luke would make a very interesting and funny brother in law.

I smile at myself as Blue Naomi and I ready ourselves. When Luke begins to speak of us, we go out in the order in which he mentions us. First, Naomi, then Blue, and lastly, me. Once he is done singing, he leaves the center stage to make way for us as we have rehearsed so many times.

It is very hard for me to move, but I try my best. I can say that my best is something decent.

We sing and dance. Blue is amazing. When she has to sing by herself, she sings beautifully with so much sass.

We dance and sing. I actually have fun even though I sweat like crazy. My half ponytail moves around like crazy as I dance around in my blue heeled shoes and my long blue dress. The sleeves reach my elbows with white lace stretching an extra inch or two. Even though I don't really like dresses, I really like this one. It's not completely exaggerated. And it's just like the dresses I wanted when I was a kid, except I'm a teenager now.

The song ends on a happy note as Blue, Naomi, and I make our exit after the final. _The Schuyler Sisters _is one of my favorite songs because it makes you move and it's so cheerful and all that's stuff. I have other favorite songs, _The Schuyler Sisters _definitely makes the top ten out of the forty-six or something songs that are in this musical.

After our song is _Farmer Refuted_ in which my future husband refutes a farmer loyalist. I love the puppy eyes and long lashes taunting look he gives the farmer when he asks if King George III of Great Britain is in Jersey. I only get to see part of the song because I also have to change into yet another dress for my next appearance which is in _Winter's Ball._ I appear in three songs, straight in a row. If I am already exhausted, I wonder how Sapphire, Ruby, Amethyst, or Peridot must be holding out.

I hate to have to miss Steven's big song in _You'll Be Back_. It's right after _Farmer Refuted_. I can barely hear him from backstage. I only finish putting my new dress on after like three songs. Blue does so in around a song and a half. So does Naomi. I am the slowest of us. Sapphire, Ruby, and Amethyst come backstage briefly to put on their new blue coats, leaving their brown ones. The change in coats represents them joining the army to fight Great Britain in the rebellion. It started in 1776 and ended in 1781.

Being in a musical is more fun than I expected it to be. To be honest, it's probably only because my friends and my boyfriend are in it, and it's a historical musical. I love history. It's practically my best subject. History is the only subject in which I don't need to copy off of Peridot. I know a lot about American History and wars, that's why every time someone asks about a historical event in the musical, I am happy to explain. History is one of the only things I'm good at. All I have to do is memorize dates, names, events, and numbers. I've had a lot of free time these last seven years, I've watched historical shows including _Turn: Washington's spies_, _The_ _Crown_, _The Tudors_, and many other historical shows and documentaries on TV and YouTube. Believe it or not, history is very interesting. When you know a lot about something that can relate to that moment, and you know it well, you can easily shut people up.

I finish putting my dress on in time to see the end of _Right Hand Man_. It's a cool song. Once it ends. There is silence for a few brief seconds before the music starts up again and girls in dresses and boys in coats, including my friends, go on stage and dance as they rehearsed. Blue, Naomi, and I stand ready for our turn.

Luke narrates the song as he does many others. Peridot joins his brother/frenemy in the middle and bets that he can get any of the three Schuyler sisters. If he weren't my boyfriend and I didn't know he was a virgin saint, I'd yell to the entire world that he was a tomcat and womanizer. Unlike me, he hasn't been stripped of his innocence.

_As far as word innocence can go for Prince Charming._

_Helpless_ starts immediately after _Winter's Ball_. As there are already girls dancing around the stage in a circle, I walk to the middle holding a sheet of paper that is meant to be a letter. I begin to sign my I do's. I put on that naive lovey-dovey face every cliche girl in every cliche movie puts on.

_Eliza-_

_Boy, you've got me helples__s!_

I sing and sing, ignoring the fact that I am sweating my insides out. Only when I rehearse on stage with an actual dress and heels do I realize that dancing and singing are not a good combination. At least I don't think so. The rest of these people are crazy. I think I'm the only one with my head screwed on right.

_Eliza-_

_We were at a revel with some rebels on a hot night_

As soon as I sing rebels, the guys come on stage and join their partner. Amongst the men are Amethyst, Sapphire, and Ruby. They all dance around me as I sing. One girl dances across the stage and takes the paper in my hands and dances back offstage. Peridot comes on stage with Luke at my right as I move to my left. Blue comes towards me in a fashionable way.

I continue to sing before Blue tales her cue and turns to go to Peridot. She takes him by the arm and they start a nonexistent conversation as I finish my part. Then after I am done, Peridot and Blue come over to me as Blue presents me as Elizabeth Schuyler, her sister.

"Schuyler?" he asks.

"My sister, " Blue says.

Then Prince Charming does his usual signature thing as he takes my hand and places a kiss on my hand. It still flusters me how he always does this in front of everyone without hesitation. He always winks at me when he does so. Since it is an instinct, I always have the urge to pull away before my better judgment stops me from doing something even more embarrassing.

"If there had to be war for us to meet, it would have been worth it, " he says in with his sly smile and hushed breath yet everyone can still hear him.

"I'll leave you to it, " Blue says. Then as soon as they get their cue, everyone gets up and leaves as rehearsed so they all don't look like a herd of cows. I head to the middle of the stage.

_Eliza-_

_One week later I'm writtin' a letter _nightly

As I sing Naomi and Blue emerge from opposite sides of the stage. Both of them hold a letter each. They come to me and give me the letters.

_Eliza-_

_Now my luck gets better every letter that you write me!_

I hold the letters to my heart and spin in a circle as the dance teacher told me to. Like a little cliche sickly in love girl. I don't know how she accepted to marry this guy after barely knowing him a month. Like who the fuck does that?

_Eliza-_

_Two weeks later in the living room stressin'_

One of the girls that were dancing takes the letters I am holding as we Naomi ready for the next scene. Naomi, Blue, and I have to sit on the floor for that because we still don't have a bench. I feel terribly constricted. Not only do I have to deal with a tight dress, but now I am also singing on heels while sitting on the dirty floor. I hope there aren't any loose boards or anything that could make me trip on these heels or rip the dress.

Then, my 'father' shakes Peridot's hand as I sing and Naomi and Blue get up. They each take one of my hands and help me up as rehearsed and I spin around and later hug both of them as Peridot does a shitty victory dance. As the other guy and Peridot toast for our pretend marriage, I go downstage, nearly at the apron. I put a hand on my chest as I try my best to sing without cracking my voice when I go to my high notes. I extend my arms out in the end which us something very awkward so I hesitate a little. But once my arms extended, Peridot tales my right hand. Once I finish he pulls me back until we are facing each other. I still find it very uncomfortable to stand in front of each other and this close in public.

My hands are in his as he looks at me, singing about his promises to give me a good life, promising a great future and never-ending love. Yeah, we all know how that turned. Fucking Hamilton cheated on his dear Betsey with the first lying slut that threw himself at him. Peridot may be playing that role, but he is not like that. He kissed a girl once, but we talked it out. I gave in a little bit, but it's fine.

When he says that Angelica tried to take a bite of him I turn as if to go look for her, but he holds my hands. I once he is done, I begin to sing again. Then a series of complicated things that I can't describe but only perform with my feet happens. There is a box, and I out blank sheets of paper inside the box. After that, one of the girls from my ensemble takes it backstage. Blue puts an invisible veil and crown on me while Naomi hands me another invisible object, this time, a bouquet of flowers. Guess what! I'm getting fake married for like the millionth time in the span of the last five months.

Then while the leads, including me, go, backstage while everyone else separates into two sections onstage. Peridot and a couple of leads don't go back. Steven, Luke, and other leads don't go back either because they aren't in this scene or because they are already on stage. Peridot, for example, is waiting downstage. They leave a space in the middle and the downstage unoccupied. Then pass my bridesmaids with the grooms' men which is quite an odd combination. First is Blue along with Sapphire, then Naomi with Amethyst, and lastly is Ruby as the flower girl. Or guy should I say. She throws invisible petals from an invisible wicker basket on to the floor while having an annoyed face on. The face is a good one because she really begged Jamie not to be a flower girl. Of course, Jamie went into the one and only drama zone. And what happened to Ruby? She got stuck as the flower man.

Last is my 'pretend father' who's real name I don't actually know. I think it's Marc. But it may also be Samuel. I'm too embarrassed to ask. Like the others, my arm is hooked around him as he leads me through the middle and Peridot tales my hand in front.

As my personal ensemble of girls sings their part softly, I awkwardly hug Prince Charming in front of everyone because I made a huge deal about kissing him in front of everyone. I realize that the heels, even though they are lower than Blue's and Naomi's, I am still taller than I was before. Which means that if my eye level was at Peridot's throat, now, it's at his chin. It's not much, but it's something. A brief moment into our hug and I sing my last helpless in this scene. There is one last note before everyone rushes calmly to their next positions.

Everyone holds an invisible plastic wine cup because we are supposed to be toasting to my marriage. Amethyst walks to center stage and acts like she's drunk, which probably takes her no effort at all, as she introduces the maid of honor.

_Laurence-_

_Angelica Schuyler!_

Blue comes to center stage while Amethyst backs away. She raises her invisible cup as she has so many times practiced.

_Angelica-_

_A toast to the groom!_

We all echo her after she sings.

_Angelica-_

_To the bride!_

We echo her once again as Peridot's guy ensemble sings that viva la revolución part. I don't why its there. We are supposed to be celebrating my marriage, not the revolution. Like, who the fuck invited the rebellion to my wedding registration! Take your revolution somewhere where I am not getting fake married.

Then when the rewind part starts we all have to do some confusing shit. I honestly don't know how I remember. To be honest, I don't remember anything. I just go with the flow and ace it.

I don't know how Blue does it. She is so, so...calculated I guess you could say. Blue's voice is so loud and clear when she sings. She is able to keep up with everything, know every step and sing and act without hesitating once. Her role fits her so well too. It's like it was made for her.

Mine was definitely not made for me. My role is of a girl who is one of those girls who can beat the shit out of you if she wanted, but when she doesn't want to, she is just kind and let it go and all that stuff. Not me. I don't marry a guy I met once and then just charmed me with a bunch of letters. I would actually like to read these letters that Hamilton sent to Eliza. I am genuinely curious.

I wait for my cue when I go to Blue in the same place where we were during Helpless. It's, what Scarlett calls, a Call and Response. I think that's what she says it is.

Then she walks away from me and towards Peridot. Everyone excluding them two but including me freezes. I have my back to them as I kind of freak out. I literally do the same thing I did in the last song without the singing.

It's as if you were reading a book. Except that when you finish reading a chapter about an event from first person point of view, you one see one perspective. You have to read about the same thing but from a different perspective. Because the same thing can be different to different people. Well, that is what is happening in these two songs. First, you see it from my role's perspective and then from someone else's perspective. It's painful to see the same thing again, but refreshing if it's completely different.

And thank Lin Manuel Miranda that _Helpless_ and _Satisfied_ are completely different or else I'd be dead with boredom. More than I already am anyway.

Blue hooks her arm around Peridot, though I only know because I've seen them do it during other rehearsals. I have my back to literally everyone. She says she's about to change his life, and I have to hold in my life because it's so ironic how this immigrant, tomcat, camp-de-aide to George Washington, so happened to 'fall in _love_' with the daughter or a rich American general.

I honestly have my doubts about this guy. Did he really love her? What am I saying? Of course, he didn't love her! Isn't it a really weird coincidence that this guy is poor and a fucking tomcat and then appears the rich American General Phillip Schuyler and suddenly he is head over heels for his daughter? This guy even cheats on her with a fucking whore. Maria Lewis Reynolds even had a daughter! So many signs.

I wonder if Elizabeth Schuyler's dad said anything about that? If I were Phillip Schuyler I would definitely have my doubts. Once this guy died in 1804, he left his family in debt, so I guess he didn't really get any money from his father-in-law. Still though, wouldn't he be questioned?

That's just what my dad did and I kind of got mad at him for insinuating things about Peridot. What made it worse was what he insinuated.

Then stuff happens. All of the girls in dresses and guys in coats stay to the stage's right while Blue stands at the stage's left all alone whole all the way to the left, Peridot stands frozen facing me while I also stare at him frozen. I look away because it's weird. The girls and guy at the right face each other and dance right along with Blue's singing.

Blue breaks away from her singing trance and stands to Peridot's side but a little behind for profiling.

"Schuyler?" Peridot asks Blue. Obviously, this Hamilton guy was a gold-digger. He even asked Schuyler. Why would that matter?

"My sister, " Blue says.

Then she turns back to the audience and sings while the girls in dresses face their guys and freeze. The girls in dresses are my ensemble, and the guys in coats are Peridot's. In this situation, I guess you can say they're his wingmen.

Peridot's guy ensemble leaves my frozen ensemble and come to Peridot. Two guys get in front of him and the rest get in the back. I think maybe they're six in total. One might be absent, I don't really pay attention.

They do some weird shit where Peridot's head is towards Blue. They surround him and do a real shitty but complicated thing. The two guys that were in from now kneel beside Peridot while the others stand. Blue extends her arm to me as I try to look as innocent as I can. The other guys crouch behind Peridot while the other two kneel beside him while he stands. They all point to me and the two kneeling guys turn Peridot's face to me.

Now Peridot and I stand facing each other as Blue finishes up her singing.

"Thank you, for all your service, " I say innocently.

"If it takes fighting a war for us to meet, it would have been worth it, " Peridot says as he takes my hand and places a kiss on it. I really want to pull away because there are so many people, but I don't, because there are so many people.

Very ironic actually.

"I'll leave you to it, " Blue says proudly.

I turn around while holding my left hand out to Peridot. He takes it. Both of us leave Blue's side. I take the skirts of my dress and head to the middle of the stage.

All the boys including Peridot disappear backstage as the girls spread, making a semi-circle on the stage around us. I look at the blank letters that Naomi hands me as I did in the last song. Blue stands between both of us and then takes the letters from my hands while she sings, stares at me, and walks back.

_Angelica-_

_But when I fantasize at night it's Alexander's eyes._

To her left, I stand facing Naomi. I hold the letters in my hand that one of my ensemble girls took from Blue's hand when she put it behind her while she was walking backward. Naomi holds the box toward me as I put the letters inside like in the last song.

During the small pause of silence, when the music starts again, Blue sings and everyone dances slowly to their original spots from the beginning of the spots. A guy hands Blue an invisible plastic cup and she raises it as everyone else does too.

She sings as everyone changes their places. I hug Naomi and then Blue while she sings. Peridot hugs both of them after I do as I begin to walk offstage. He follows after me while Blue finishes her song.

The song that follows up is perhaps one of my favorite ones just because of how funny it is.

The reprise of _The Story of Tonight_ is in my top five favorite songs from Hamilton. It's saying a lot, because although I'm not a theatre nerd, I love nearly every song.

The reason I like this song so much is honestly because Hamilton's friends are drunk as fuck and that tiny little dance the dance teacher has the girls do in their boy costumes is absolutely priceless. And I can't forget about my boyfriend, can I? I know he's trying hard not to laugh at the scene. Ruby starts fake crying, Sapphire says Peridot has lost all his rights of freedom, and Amethyst says that if the tomcat can get hitched to a beautifully filthy rich girl, why can't her ass do that good? As John Laurence, I like Amethyst, but as Amethyst, she is pretty gross and rude at times.

What's there not to love about this song?

Then it is _Wait For It_. Instead of Luke standing in the middle doing nothing at all but singing, like in the musical, we actually do stuff.

Four people, representing his family I guess, stand around him, facing him. Peridot plays a big part in the song, just appearing and making Luke, or Luke's role, jealous. I appear very briefly with my invisible veil and bouquet.

For _Stay Alive_, while everything is going on in the background, I walk the downstage part of the stage from the stage left to the right with a letter in my hands and stop briefly in the middle to look back from where I walked. I sing my stay alive part as I look out to the invisible audience for a brief second. Then, I look back at the letter and continue to walk to the stage right as I sing my stay alive part once more.

Then Peridot who sits in the ground goes back to his usual singing while writing while being in the middle of a massacre as the people who play the redcoats swarm around him as if it were a battlefield.

Thankfully I am not changing for my next song. I was supposed to be wearing a dress that makes me look pregnant. But isn't God so gracious that he spared me such humiliation?

I swear that if I didn't pray before, I'll start doing so after this whole Hamilton musical experience.

My next song is _That Would Be Enough_. In this song, Peridot finds out I'm pregnant. Well, this Hamilton guy finding out his wife is pregnant. I'm still half a virgin you could say.

Even if I don't have the big bump on my dress, it is still very embarrassing to play the 'devoted wife'. It doesn't suit me. The devoted husband doesn't suit Prince Charming either. The role of annoying boyfriend suits him better.

It's mostly me doing all of the singing. Who am I kidding? Peridot sang like three things. I sang the entire song.

And just as the guy comes back from war, he's ru

shing to go back. Is having a wife and an unborn child that draining that you're dying to go to war? If being at war was just singing and dancing to music like in this musical, sign me up. It wouldn't be so hard but people would dread it more.

Guess what? We win the fucking war two songs later! Isn't that something? A lot of people appear in the song. Including me in the middle and in the end. After we win the war, Steven brings us a beautiful little tune as King George III. I think Steven would make a good king. Only not as King George because we all know what happened to that guy. He eventually went mad and was taken to the hospital in a straitjacket never to be seen again. You can't like the guy because he taxed our lovely tea that we all so much love to spill, but you can feel a little bad for him. Because of inbreeding, he died without knowing who he was. At least we know why the fully armed battalion was included in the song.

Apart from that, Steven fucking nails the song. He would make a really good king, he has that charisma and aura.

Peridot and Luke have a duet in _Dear Theodosia_. It's a really nice song about fatherly love. This song is one of the favorites too. The Diamond brothers would make good fathers if we were only counting this song and no other. If we were counting the other songs, let's see, Hamilton was a bloodthirsty war veteran, he was a workaholic, and he got his son killed. And Burr was a guy who's jealousy drove him to kill his once friend turned enemy because he didn't want to make an orphan of his twenty-two-year-old married daughter.

Frenemies, am I right? You just gotta love them.

After my next song is _Non-Stop_. It's the last song of Act I so after it we get a break which I so look forward too. Non-Stop is one of the longest songs in my opinion just because of everything that goes on in about five minutes. It's interesting how Lin Manuel Miranda was able to put many different things that probably happened over the course of many years and put it into a five minute up beating that has some sad stuff in it. It's catchy and upbeat. It's also the last song of Act I and I am sweating like crazy.

After Peridot does his signature pose and the song is done, I finally breathe calmly. As the dance teacher addresses us, I try to stretch because this dress is tight. Thank goodness, I only have like two different dresses a d two different cloaks in the next Act. Once the dance teacher is done addressing us, the music teacher starts addressing the orchestra and the band, or as the music nerds down there call it, the orchestra pit. It takes him like two minutes to address the orchestra pit and ten to address us. Like what the fuck? Does it look like I'm holding an instrument to know what the fuck a vamp is? I mean, I do know what it is. Spend enough time with Luke and Scarlett when they're on full music geek mode and you learn some shit.

After that boring musical lecture to which I blacked out thirty seconds in, we finally get our break.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom!" Naomi tells us as she picks up the skirts if her dress and runs off Cinderella-style.

"The sad thing is she doesn't appear in the second act, " Prince Charming appears behind me.

"I'll leave you two alone, " Blue says with that sly smile.

"You're sweating?" he asks.

"How'd you know?" I ask sarcastically.

"Because all I have to do is poke your cheek and I'm wet, " he does as he speaks.

"Would you like trying to move in a tight dress, in heels, and with long hair?" I ask him, "I'll gladly switch with you."

"Ask Ruby and Sapphire to fix it, " he suggests.

"Blue said that. I'll ask them later, " I tell him, "Hey don't you have to change?"

"Yeah, " he says so casually.

"Than why are you not changing?" I ask

"The same reason you're not changing, " he says.

"Because I'll die if I put on another tight dress?" I ask him with my lips pressed together and my hands cupped into one another. He raises an eyebrow.

"No. Because I want a small good luck peck for Act II, " he says so casually. I do the natural thing: I hit his head. That was probably a bad idea because I just killed off some of his neurons, and he can't afford to lose a single one.

"No," I say.

"You didn't have to hit me, " he says, "A no would have been fine."

I put my hands on my hips, "When do _you_ ever stop at no?"

He nods, "You're not wrong."

"I know right?" I say in such a sarcastic way that I feel I've just won a tony award for sarcasm.

Most people go to the bathroom or backstage to change and whatever it is people do backstage when their not changing. A lot of the instrumentalists get up and stretch. Scarlett brings herself over the stage from the Pit, letting her legs dangle. She talks with Luke.

"Why don't you let your hair loose more often?" he asks me.

"Because it's a fucking nuisance," I say, "You try having long and thick hair."

"Rapunzel did just fine, Lazuli, " he tells me.

"Prince Henry was more charming, Peridot, " I retort back.

"Mais tu m'aimes toujours, Lazuli. Vous ne l'admettez pas, mais vous me voulez, " he says as he puts a hand on my waist and pulls me close.

I'm too shocked to respond. What the fucking shit did this guy just say? Why the french? Why? Why not Spanish? And slowly.

_Just why?_

"Non! Sssi elle sera ma belle-sœur, vous devez le f-faire correctement et vous marier en premier!" Luke interrupts as he sits on the floor with Scarlett just staring at him with that face that says, _the fucking shit?_

Peridot let's go of me before continuing to argue in French with his brother, "Mon petit frère, tu es trop vieille école."

Like makes an exaggerated gasping gesture, "Tu...n'es pas mon frère!"

Peridot laughs while Scarlett and I stare in surprise and horror.

"Calmez-vous. Bien sûr, je vais le faire correctement. Mais je vais garder ma mauvaise séquence et m'enfuir avec elle, " Peridot tells Luke.

"Vrai-vraiment?" Luke asks. Prince Charming nods at whatever it is Luke said.

"I swear if you two start speaking greek I'm out, " Scarlett says.

"Εννοείς αυτο?" Peridot asks with a sly smile.

"I can't even, " Scarlett says as she slides back into the Pit.

"Adios, " I say in Spanish as I head backstage.

"Wait, " Peridot hurries after me, "Mon amour."

"I fucking told you, not here, " I whisper.

"No one's gotta know, " he says.

"Peridot, " I warn.

"Fine. But you owe me after rehearsals, " he says.

"How about I just don't kill you?" I ask.

"That one's not much fun, " he says.

"Fuck you, " I say as I enter backstage, careful not to open the door too wide as girls change.

I change into my new dress just as Act II is starting. Luke starts _What'd I Miss_ and the beginning of that is absolutely amazing. He accidentally stutters with a word, but he manages to make it.

The rest of the show is a blur of burns, both in conversation and in invisible buckets. My feet start to hurt and my movements become more constricted. My cloak for _Best of Wives and Best of Women _is beautiful. I love it. The one I have to wear when I'm mourning my son, aka. Amethyst, not so much. It's not uncomfortable, but I don't like it.

I hadn't realized that the words I was singing when he dies aren't gibberish and are actually numbers in French. At least I know how to count to ten in French. Isn't that a lifesaver? When I need help I'll just say nine one one but in French! Now if I could just find a show where they say the numbers in Greek. That would be something. Sadly, I don't think they speak Greek in The Lightning Thief: A Percy Jackson Musical.

When we get to the last song, I am so fucking happy. It's mostly singing with everyone else backing me up. My singing is so touching, I nearly cry myself.

When I stand right in front of the Pit, facing the invisible audience, I almost start crying from happiness that it is over and I can take all these torture devices off. The dance, chorus, and music teacher congratulate us and give us a small sermon before letting us go.

The musicians pack up their instruments while us actors get into our normal clothes and shoes. My feet ache but rejoices when I put my comfortable white cotton socks back on. My sneakers feel like heaven and my clothes feels so fresh against my sweaty skin.

I say my goodbyes to everyone after I ask Sapphire and Ruby if they can somehow fix my dresses since everyone says they can.

Scarlett stands in the third row of the seats where her backpack is located. She opens her black soft violin case and put the violin and the stick called, the bow, inside. Though you can't actually shoot arrows with it. Amethyst told me that. She said not to try it around Scarlett.

I put my heels back into my backpack as I close my backpack and throw it on. Peridot and I made a thing where we wait for each other outside. If there are a lot of people outside, we simple walk after the other comes out. It certainly helps that I don't live far.

Since there aren't any people outside when I come out, I decide to just wait for Peridot while I look through my phone a while.

* * *

**Hey! How's everyone! Guess what? School has been out for a little less than a month, and I don't think we'll be going back anytime soon.**

**If you don't know why, with all due respect, have you been living under a rock?**

**The COVID-19 is serious. I'm not telling anyone to panic, just be cautious. Wash hands, wear masks, practice social distancing. SOCIAL DISTANCING!!**

**To all you extroverts, may the odds be ever in your favor. To all you introverts like moi, this is just what we've trained for.**

**Please stay safe, coronavirus isn't a joke, trust me, if you haven't had it yourself or someone you know whether closely or not hasn't had it, you will.**

**Try to stay positive. Hope you all stay safe, healthy, and hope you all have a wonderful night/day! **


	39. Chapter 39

**Hidden Scars**

**Lapis' P.O.V****.**

Since Peridot and I have nothing to do, so like usual, we do nothing. We make popcorn and watch a movie. Well, it's not movie. It's a musical that someone recorded and uploaded on YouTube.

It's not the best quality, but it definitely beats having to pay thousands for the real thing when I can now enjoy it from the comfort of my home with my homemade popcorn and the chocolate cheesecake from the supermarket. Except there is no chocolate cheesecake.

Jane jumps into the couch with us. She gets along better with Peridot now than she did before, but it's still a working progress. She keeps her distance from him, and I guess sometimes she gets jealous when we kiss or do stuff. Really, if I let her, she would rip Peridot apart.

_Doesn't sound like such a bad idea, does it?_

But I can't let her do that. Who else will let me copy their homework? If I ask anybody else, it will be so awkward. Besides, I don't even have to ask Peridot. I mean, what's his is mine, and what's mine is mine, right? One thing is for sure, he is a lot better to copy off than a computer.

I find the first few minutes of the musical boring as fuck. Like, sure everyone is happy. You're at a ball with beautiful dresses and priceless jewels and all that stuff. There is no need to make me feel worse about myself.

Only after the St. Petersburg song do I start liking this historically incorrect musical.

"This was based off a movie, right?" I ask him.

He nods, "And a rumor in St. Petersburg."

I stare at him.

"What?" he asks me.

"So people are making millions over a rumor that happened about a hundred years ago?" I ask.

"Yeah, " he answers.

"So I can make an incorrect musical of the Ark of the Covenant and people will buy it?" I ask him.

"The Ark of Covenant? Lazuli, I didn't know you were religious, " Prince Charming says as he lightly pushes me to the side.

"I'm not. I just had a lot of free time these last seven years, " I answer, "Have you read the Bible, Prince Charming?"

"Of course I have!" he says.

"Why?" I ask him.

"It seemed like an interesting book, " he answers.

"You want to know why you found it interesting?" I ask him.

"Why?"

"Because you're still a nerd, " I say.

"You kn-" I cut him short.

"Shut up! I'm trying to watch something, " I tell him.

"This was my idea, " he says.

_So Prince Charming wants to play that game._

I stare at him and smile. The music goes on in the background.

"Well this couch is mine, " I say.

"So is this house, and this TV, and that demon, " he looks to Jane.

Jane lays on top of my feet. Though she looks at Peridot and me, her head stays still. Her tails gently flaps as I look at her.

"And that popcorn, " I tell him while I take the bowl of popcorn from his lap.

"What am I supposed to eat?" he asks.

He puts his left arm around me and his other hand under my chin. He kisses me as Jane lightly growls. When we separate and I look at Jane, her head is down but her eyes are on us. She wags her tail.

When I reach out my hand to touch her, she lifts her head and then stands up. She spins sound around three times before settling right next to me with her head on my lap.

We keep watching the musical in silence while I give Jane some popcorn.

Musicals are pieces of art that I find to be beautifully complicated. Given the chance to be in a real broadway musical, I don't know if I would accept or not. They seem a little too complicated to be doing this for days on end.

I get sick very easily. I don't think I remember the last winter when I didn't get sick. To be in a musical, you probably have to take good damn well care of yourself. You also have to do these weird and boring vocal exercises. They are boring as fuck. When I sing, I just sing. I don't want anyone to tell me that I'm too low or too high or whatever. But that's exactly what happens. I simply think people over complicate things. Why can't we just fucking sing?

Anya's song about her dreams almost leaves me in tears. It's really catchy. It's also shit.

I get this is fiction, but it's also a fucking lie! Anastasia died in 1918 along with her family and her poor dog and some other people who decided to stay with the Romanovs. They were all killed and the only reason people _think_ Anastasia may have escaped is because her remains were never found until the late 1990s. The revolutionists didn't want anyone to find the remains so they hid them and never told anyone where. I think they burned the corpses too though I don't remember clearly.

But really, I could dye my hair and boom. I'm Princess Anastasia Romanov. It's not rocket science.

While everyone on TV, which is like three people, is singing about learning how to be dead princesses, I rub Jane's ears.

"Do you think I could be royalty?" Prince Charming turns to me.

"Royalty?"

"Well if girls think they can be Anastasia, why can't I be royalty?" I ask him.

"What about me?" he asks me with that sly smile.

"Prince Charming, you're parents are Europeans. Of course you have some fucking royal blood!" I tell him. Jane raises her head from my lap and looks at me.

"Not you baby, " I tell her.

"Well I don't know if you're royalty Lazuli, but you're the queen of my heart, " he tells me. I roll my eyes even though I love it.

"Fuck you, " I say.

"Well fuck me, " he says and I blush.

Stuff happens and eventually, some assholes try to fuck the shit out of Dimitri and fuck Anastasia or Anya, or whatever her name is. I love it when she beats the shit out of them by herself instead.

Dimitri tells her about how he's an orphan because his mother left and his dad died and whatever. It's really sad actually. He sings about how he stands his ground and about his lovely St. Petersburg. It's a nice song. I like it.

There is this one officer guy who's name I don't know that just seems to know that Anya is actually Anastasia. Like of course, because she is the only other girl alive with brown hair and blue eyes that just happens to be in Russia. I know he's the bad guy and everything, but I don't really hate him. Can you blame the guy for wanting to kill the girl? It's what his father did and I bet he's seen all the catchy and colorful propaganda communist Russia had at the time. Besides, I don't think he'll actually kill her. This is a kid's show. Right?

We run out of popcorn after the December song. I think it's supposed to be a lullaby. The choreography was complicated as shit. I don't know how these people can do such stuff while wearing heavy dresses and jewels. I find being Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton is complicated even though I don't do as much.

One thing that I find completely ridiculous as shit about this song, is that Dimitri couldn't turn on the fucking music box. Did he need a key that Anya had? I didn't see any fucking key. I absolutely hate that! If I have something that is broken, and my friend comes and is like 'Oh, hey look. There is this key inside a key hole that you didn't notice even though you've had this thing longer than I have.'

No. Just no. Why?

So what do we do? We just make more popcorn. I don't have the time or mind to get mad and rant about stuff I can't do anything about. But I will always remember this. I shall never forget.

"You finished all of the popcorn, yet you're still so skinny, " Peridot tells me. I scoff.

"Fuck you! I have gained like three pounds, so you know. I think. Something like that. I don't really keep track, " I say. I don't keep track of many things. My period, for example. It just hits when it does and I pray that I have pads on me.

I usually get my period in the morning or at night. If I get it at school, I have pads in my backpack. I've never tried a tampon, but I won't start any time soon.

"You're still skinny, _mon amour_, " he says.

We listen to the seeds pop inside the pan.

"And you're still a nerd, " I tell him.

The popcorn is ready in less than five minutes. We put it in the huge-ass bowl and go back to the couch. Jane follows me, raising her head, sniffing the popcorn.

When we sit again, Peridot puts his hand around me and pulls me close. Though I do still mind the touching and the kissing a little, it's a little more tolerable. I snuggle up against him. He is very comfortable. And he doesn't say anything if he is uncomfortable, so, that's a plus.

Though this musical is based of a lie, it's a pretty good musical. I did not know people could make music so good and not run out of ideas. Apart from Hamilton.

The only reason I am into musicals a little bit is because Prince Charming dragged me into the school musical. It's interesting and everything, but I can't help but wonder how he got interested in them.

"How did you get interested in these musicals?" I ask him.

"Well, believe it or not, Amethyst dragged me into the eighth grade musical. She didn't want to die alone and Luke thought it would be fun, " he says.

"She dragged you into the musical? That's new, " I sarcastically say.

"It was fun, Lazuli, " he says.

"Didn't you want to be a lawyer or something?" I ask him. He rubs my arm.

"I never specified. I just said I wanted a law career, " he says.

"Isn't that a bit dangerous?" I ask him.

"What? Law?" he asks. I nod. He thinks for a minute.

"It all depends. What? Are you scared for me?" he asks. I scoff.

"Of course not, " I say.

"So you wouldn't care if anything bad happened to me?" he asks me.

"I would, you are my boyfriend. But it would be your fault, " I tell him. He places a kiss on my forehead while smirking.

"How is it my fault?" he asks.

"I'm not the one going around researching about serial killers, " I say.

"It was an innocent interest, " he justifies.

"It's a weird interest, " I respond.

"But you still love me, " he whispers. He squeezes me with his arm which Jane responds to with a light and brief growl.

"Have you ever been to a real musical?" I ask him. He looks at with that confused look.

"You mean in Broadway?" he asks. I nod, "No. But Luke and Scarlett and Steven want to go to see Hamilton once school is out. They're trying to get the rest of us to come along."

"And I knew nothing?" 1 respond.

"They just got the idea recently, " Peridot says

"But isn't Broadway, like, expensive? Especially Hamilton." I ask him.

"I'm willing to pay your seat, " he offers. I do the obvious thing to a free seat to see Hamilton, I decline.

"No. That shit is like hundreds of dollars. Isn't the musical on YouTube or something?" I say.

"It is, but it's not the best quality. Besides, come on, Lazuli. It's a one-time thing, " Prince Charming pleads, "You're my girlfriend, and there is nothing wrong with me paying for your seat."

"I already said no. It's absolutely unnecessary and my parents would never give me permission and it would also be a giveaway to our friends that we're dating, " I say listing every reason why we should not go.

Going to see a musical isn't the most necessary thing on the planet. Sure, it may be a fun experience, but its a lot of money. I'm not going to leave my boyfriend broke for something that is one time and has no uses. I don't know where Peridot may get all his money from, but it sure is not from his stepdad. I don't want him to waste all of that on me, especially after what I did to his last gift. A broken necklace.

I push those thoughts away and try to concentrate on right now. That was a while ago, a right now is a nice moment between us, including Jane. My negative thoughts shouldn't spoil such a nice moment. But I still refuse to let him pay hundreds for a seat at a live musical.

"I know I made a promise, but I see nothing wrong with our friends knowing that we're dating, " he says.

"I just don't want them to know, " I say.

"Blue and Luke know. Sapphire probably knows, " he adds, "Lazuli, who do you not want to know?"

His smirk and raised eyebrow make me nervous.

"No one in specific, " I respond.

"Tell me, " he whispers into my ear.

"Do you mind? I'm watching something, " I say.

"You started it, " he says.

But he doesn't push it which is something _very_ unnatural for him. When Peridot and I start paying attention again, we are nearly half way through the musical. Anya, Dimitri, and that other guy who's name I seem to keep forgetting, are on a train on their way to Paris to meet grandma to convince her Anya is a dead girl walking.

It also turns out that Anya could have been rich. If that even existed in communist Russia or the Soviet Union. The girl had a fucking diamond. A diamond. She could have made her way to Paris all on her own by just buying her way out. Literally, if people just found simpler solutions and had even a little bit of common sense, half of musicals, TV shows, movies, and all entertainment stuff would be gone. Like this musical because people would realize that even though it's catchy and sentimental and everything, it's a load of bullshit.

Bullshit. Huh, that's a funny word. Why a bull specifically? Why not a cow? Or a chicken? Or a plant?

Creativity. It has no ends. Unlike math. It's so flat and boring it's disgusting.

After they get to Paris and the first act is over, we stop it while I go to the bathroom. Once I'm back, we continue to watch.

They have some huge parade about Paris and dreams and all that stuff. I don't really like it that much though it is upbeat. I like the song that the Lady-In-Waiting Lily and the ensemble sing. _Land of Yesterday. _It's so catchy and upbeat but not in a cheesy way. There's just something about it that makes it so unique and my favorite song in the fucking show.

Guess what? Turns out Grandma is dead along with the granddaughter she for so long believed to be alive even though she was clearly actually dead. Well, guess what? Turns out people don't listen to their brains and don't have common sense because Grandma ends up believing Anya is Anastasia because of the fucking 'broken' music box fucking Dimitri gave her.

I'd say that she could have gotten that music box anywhere. I'd say that there are many girls with Russian accents that have brown hair and blue eyes and know family lullabies. A servant or cook, for example? Anyone ever though of that?

The show is entertaining and I like it as much as I hate is. The officer guy eventually catches on and tries to kill Anya/Anastasia, whatever. But because of his conscience, he doesn't. Really? Was that the best the producer could come up with. He has a change of heart? Totally. Because people in real life totally don't hurt you just because they have a change of heart.

The four guys that raped me didn't have a change of heart. They did what they did and left me for dead. They cried in court, not because they bad a change of heart but because they had been caught. I didn't speak, I was mute, but they will never forget my words. Wherever they go, their past and my words will always haunt them. It's still not good enough of a punishment, but it's the only thing the stupid system will give me.

I shift in my seat and get comfortable even though the show is nearly over. I give Jane more popcorn because there is still a ton of popcorn and I'm not going to finish everything by myself and I'm sure Peridot isn't going to. Might as well let Jane give me a helping hand, or paw, or mouth attached to a digestive system.

In the end, after they get the press, after everyone almost dies, after the entire fucking charade, Anya/Anastasia runs off with Dimitri. They could have really just done that from the beginning. The great and wise Dowager Empress Maria tells the press that Anastasia is dead even though she could have just said that and spared us the pain and conspiracies.

Even though Russian history has never been a major interest for me, I know a few things. I've studied and read about the killings of the House Romanov and the Russian revolution after world war I. The family was placed under hour arrest after generations of the rule of House Romanov. Everyone died. It is said that Anastasia died last, but she did die. Some people say that the children sewed diamonds onto their clothes which kept them alive longer that the adults, but they all died. It would explain the diamond Anya had which she said the nurse had found sewn in her underclothes, yet still. How would she get away when there are trained soldiers whose sole purpose and intentions are to kill every Romanov. I know Anastasia was very rough in real life, but I don't think her_ tricks_ would be enough to outsmart trained soldiers.

Seriously, all you have to do is think about it. Think about it and you actually see how silly and fictional it is. Like most space movies. There can be no fire in space because there is no fucking oxygen. And even if there were the slightest possibilities there can be fires, they should go out instantly. In most horror or thriller movies, the blood looks absolutely fake and some things are just an impossibility in reality.

Anya/Anastasia puts on this long and poofy red sleeveless dress and a tiara which only makes me add on to my list of incorrect things.

"She can't wear that dress if she's royalty, " I say. Especially not in the early twentieth century.

"Why not?" he asks.

"I'm not sure about early twentieth-century French and Russian etiquette, but the modern British royal etiquette says that you have to dress in neutral colors, and you have to cover your shoulders. And women can't wear tiaras unless they're married. And tiaras and diamonds are only worn after five or six in the afternoon," I state.

"Why do you know so much about the British Royal etiquette?" Prince Charming asks me.

"British history is interesting. And royal etiquette just happens to be a part of it, " I say.

"Wouldn't another possibility be that you wanted to be royalty at some point?" his hand slides down to my waist as he whispers, his lips next to my ear.

"Of course not, " I scoff. He places a kiss on my cheek and I must refrain from smiling.

The remaining of the musical is watched in silence. I breathe a sigh of relief when it's all finally over. It's a beautiful piece of art that represents a significant amount of Russian history in more ways than one. Yet in the end, it's all just fake. And that's what matters. I'm right, and all if this is completely wrong.

"It's over!" I breathe in a sigh of relief.

"It wasn't that bad, " Peridot tries to justify.

"It's based on a fucking rumor! A rumor which was debunked in the 90s when they announced the discoveries of the Romanov's burial site!" I tell him.

"Relax. There's nothing wrong with a small local myth, " he says.

"Except its not local. It was in Russia. And it wasn't small, it was over a hundred years ago when in present-day people watch musicals and movies and study Anna Anderson's, or whatever her name was, life, " I say crossing my arms.

"You're ranting, "

"No I'm not. I'm simply expressing my opinion and backing it up with proven facts and debunked possibilities, " I say.

"You're witty, " he responds.

"I learned that from you, " I say.

"Okay. What about _Hamilton_? What about _Six_? Or any other historical musical?" he asks.

"What is _Six_?" I ask him. He stares at me as if I were kidding. Obviously, I'm not.

"It's a musical about King Henry VIII's six wives, "

"And six was the best they could come up with?" I say. _Who comes up with these names? _I need to have a real talk with them.

"I'm sure they looked at every possibility, " he says.

There is a moment of silence before Prince Charming decides to speak.

"You wanna watch it again?" he asks.

"No, " I say immediately. Then he makes that sly smile as his hand around my fixes it's grip.

"Do you want to do _other _things instead?" he whispers in that sly tone. My face reddens.

"I'm not your toy, " I say though I don't mean anything bad with it. I feel his muscles tense beneath me, but he relaxes soon enough.

"I was about to say the same thing, " he responds.

"Why?" I ask him.

"Because there are times when you let me do things, and other times you don't, " he replies.

"Things?" I say crossing my arms, "You're lucky I don't kill you for that."

Regardless of my comment, he pulls me close and kisses me. I let him. His kisses are better than his complaints. I smile and I know I must look like an idiot. I rest my head on his neck as he caresses my stomach.

"Lazuli?" he says. Whenever he asks for my attention by saying my name, well last name, I know things are about to get deep. Some deep shit is about to go down.

"Yeah?" I give him permission to proceed.

"Re-"

"Wait! Does it have anything to do with anything that is going on right now?" I ask him. Puzzled he shakes his head.

"I thought so. Proceed, " I say.

"Okay. Remember when I asked you if you would marry me?" he asks. If it were possible, my heart skips a beat. But that isn't possible without me dying, so, let's just say that I get excited as well as nervous. I nod.

"Have you ever thought about having children?" he asks me.

Children? That is what this is about?

I never thought I would have a boyfriend, much less did I think possible the thought of me having children.

There are too many dangers, far too many risks for someone with my condition to have children. I read it in the brochures they gave out in the hospital and online. _Too many risks. Risks I am not willing to take._ I'm not willing to do something that will hurt an unborn child or my boyfriend no matter how much I may want it.

It may as well be a sin. Me? Have children without any catches? Lead a normal life without any setbacks? It's not true. I can't. I simply can't.

And what about _trying _to have a child. That would involve that touchy subject of having sex. My first, second, third, and fourth times weren't exactly good experiences. I don't know if I could. I tolerate Peridot kissing me, touching me, but doing _that _to me? I don't know if I could. I wouldn't be willing to if there were any chance I could hurt him in the process.

What am I doing? What have I done? He's going to want to sooner or later, and I'm not going to be able to. He'll get bored of me. I can't let that happen.

I use to not want to have children, I just liked being around them. But over the last few years, I've realized that it would be and feel nice to be a mother. I've fantasized about holding a baby, my baby, in my arms, about giving them a name, feeding them, dressing them, watching their first steps and words. But that's all it had been, fantasies.

There isn't a single doctor alive that will tell you there isn't a single risk of transmitting my HIV onto a baby if I were pregnant. There's always a chance, a possibility, a risk.

Being with Peridot is one of the best things that's ever happened to me. And I know he would be a great father. He would remember how his father left, and he would strive to be better. But can I do better? All I know is that I have a tattered dream and that I don't want to lose Peridot.

"I-uh. It's complicated, " I finally say.

"Don't you want to?" he asks.

"I'm not sure, " It's not an entire lie, more like a half-truth. How do I tell him that I can't?

"Don't you think we're a little young to be thinking about this?" I ask him. His parents may have had him at our age, but that doesn't mean we will follow in the same footsteps.

"One is never too young to dream, Lazuli, " he responds. I wish I had his confidence.

"My mom would kill me, " I say. I don't know what else to say.

"To dream?" he asks.

"With you, " I turn to look at him.

"That can be resolved, " he says. He has that smirk that says he has a trick up his sleeve. He always has that smirk. It's literally just his normal face.

"How?"

"Legally, people can get married without permission of any kind if they're 18 or older, "

_He's actually thought this through? _

"You forget, I'm not 18 yet," I remind him.

"But you will be, in a few months, " he says. He puts his hand under my chin and kisses me. I give in.

I put one arm around his neck as he puts his arm around my waist. He then turns me so I sit on his lap and one of his arms is on my back while the other is on my waist. I have my left hand around his neck while I hold his cheek with my other one.

We separate and I rest my head on his chest. I couldn't be more comfortable.

It's a beautiful feeling when he wraps me in his arms and just holds me. A sensation of safety and serenity washes over me and it makes me not want to move.

"Then, the decision is up to you, " he whispers.

"What?"

"In a few months you turn eighteen. I'm older than eighteen. By law, anyone eighteen or older can get married without parental or judicial consent, " no wonder he's going to be a lawyer or whatever, "Therefore we would be able to get married without anyone knowing."

"Like, eloping?" I ask. He nods.

I love the idea. Run away together, get married, and no one ever has to know. We could run away to Australia, or Greece, or France, though I'm not sure if he's actually been to Greece or France.

"Except we wouldn't run away. We'd only get married without parental consent, " he adds. I stare at nothingness as my heart deflates. I don't say anything.

"So then, if your mom found out, all we have to do-"

"Is tell her we're married, " I finish. I smile. He's a fucking genius. Of course I would have preferred if we didn't have to get married at such a young age.

What am I thinking? Getting married at eighteen? I'm too young, Peridot is too young. I may hate the shit out of school, but I want both of us to study. I don't want to just be a housewife for the rest of my life. I want to do something with myself.

"But we're too young to do things like that, " I tell him. He sighs. He wants to. I want to too, but not right now. It would be better when both of us are in college or graduated and we both have jobs. Things would be easier.

"Lapis, " It's the first time he's called me by my first name. It feels weird and terribly wrong. I don't want him to call me by my first name, "We won't do anything newlyweds do. We would just get married. No sex, no kids, nothing. We'd just be getting married to make sure we'll be together."

_No sex, no kids, nothing._ In every movie I watch it book I read, all newlyweds have sex. Most long for kids. I want to, I really do want to get over all of this and be able to just give in and he his. Not just because we say so, or because we've signed on a paper, but because we've been together. When I read the Bible, that's what it said. Man would leave his parents to be one with his wife. I'm not religious it anything, but it's true. It doesn't just apply to Christians or Catholics or whatever. It's true that sexual relations unite people. Between couple anyway, people who have casual sex aren't really together. But I want Peridot and I to be able to do it. I want to be his. Regardless of how much I remain alert in where his hands are, I want to. I just don't know if I actually could.

To me, sex is more complicated than I let on. It's traumatizing to imagine myself giving way to it. But it only makes me want it a lot more. I don't lust, I'm not a person who fantasizes about such erotic things, but there is a small part of me that longs for it. That longs to feel normal, to feel like a real woman.

I know Peridot doesn't care about having sex and all that stuff, but he's a guy. There will come a time when he is going to want it, and I don't know what I'll do.

"Do you ever want to?" I ask before I think it through. I immediately regret it.

"What? Have sex?" by his facial expression, he almost looks offended. _Why would he be offended?_ It's a normal thing to long for it as long as it doesn't pass the limits.

"Peridot-"

He doesn't let me finish. He doesn't look offended, he is offended.

"I can control myself, " his tone makes me feel small. He's never talked to me like that.

"I know you have a bad image about a lot of people, but I thought you trusted me, " he's angry.

_I do._

"Just because four guys raped you doesn't mean I'm going to do the same, " his grip tightens on me and I panic.

I get up and step away.

He stares at me for a moment. A tear falls from my eye but I hold myself as I've done many other times. It's hard to get the words out of my throat, but I manage to get them out.

"I know that very well. But you didn't have to go there, "

"Leave, " I tell him before I go up the stairs and straight to my room. I let Jane in.

I simply stand there and cry in silence.

Why did he have to do there? Why?

What happened to me had nothing to do with my question. It simply slipped me but I never meant it to offend him. I just don't understand what made him get so angry.

I jolt when the doorknob makes noises. I fall in the floor as my breaths become shorter. Jane barks.

"Get out!" I yell.

"I didn't mean it, " he says. He stops though I'm not sure if he still stands in front or has already left.

I know exactly what he meant. Not once have I ever insinuated that he would ever hurt me in any way or do what those fucking guys did seven years ago. Never. We had a rough start, and I know I'm not easy to handle, I know I doubt a lot of people, but not him. I would never doubt him. I thought telling him about my raping and about my HIV had made it clear that I trusted him. Apparently, it had not.

"Lazuli, I'm sorry. I'm just upset about stuff that's been going on with my mom. I know it doesn't justify it, but please, just talk to me, "

I thought he trusted _me_. I thought he trusted me enough to talk to me about his problems from home, about his issues. I want to help him, I love him. But I can't.

I walk to the door, "Get out, Peridot!"

"La-"

"I said get the fuck out!"

"Lazuli, " he pleads. He doesn't try to break the door, he doesn't try anything. He just wants me to listen.

"Leave, " I say one last time. There is a moment where I stand in uncomfortable silence in front of the door. I hear his sluggish footsteps, as he leaves. In truth, I do want to talk to him, I don't want to lose him, but there are limits. Everything has limits. Just minutes ago we were talking about getting married. It's sickening what a few minutes can do.

* * *

**The Next Day**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

I don't go to school the next day, though I know Jamie will give me an entire sermon on missing rehearsals.

I get phone calls every hour that go directly to voicemail and texts that are left unread. Most are from Peridot. A few are from others such as Blue, Luke, Steven, and others who are worried about me. I don't have it in me to respond or even check any of them. Instead, I stay in bed, listening to depressing music with Jane. She's my real friend.

I cry. I listen to a variety of songs. I even look up on YouTube songs from musicals to cry. I listen to songs from musicals and regular old music. I read depressing quotes and download them from Pinterest. I don't eat, I don't get up at all form my bed, not even to take my pill. I didn't take it last night either.

Doctors tell me it's dangerous to even skip my dosage once, but I don't give two shits. My pills and my HIV can go fuck themselves if they want.

I grab my laptop and we watch sad movies. Some are about romance which is jist my fucking luck. Others are other type of relations, such as parental and then these are the other movies that honestly end on a happy note, but the dogs die so I still cry.

We finish watching movie about this dog from China that gets stranded in a train station. Some guy finds the poor dog and decided to take it in while they find an owner. Eventually, everyone loves him and they keep him. Spoiler alert the guy dies and no one thinks it's a fucking good idea to take the dog to the fucking grave so he knows the guy is fucking dead!

Of course, that's my opinion. Anyway, the dog thinks the guy will come back. Obviously, the dog is fucking adorable and doesn't understand the guy is dead and the mom leaves for Europe or some shit. The poor dog keeps coming back to the train station to wait for the guy and it's so sad because he gets so old. He makes the news and people send him money and stuff. But in the end, he dies. It's so sad because when he dies he is reunited with the guy and the dog is so happy. I cry, I just have to.

Jane sniffs me and licks my tears away while I cry. It's kind of disgusting so I tell her not to. She continues to snuggle up against me and I caress her.

"It's just you and me, Jane, " I tell her. She looks up at me with he tongue hanging out as she pants.

"Just like the good old day, " I say.

She continues to do what always does and snuggled up against me. Jane makes her way under the covers. Then she just stands still before she comes to her senses and tries to find her way out.

My phone rings for like the millionth time this day and all I do is stare at Peridot's name on my phone's screen. I think this may have been the longest time I've been without him since we met or reunited or whatever.

I drown myself in tears and my depressing thoughts. But it's nothing more than that, cursing at everything and everyone, and not eating. And not taking my pills. I'm too lazy and upset to do much else than nothing at all. I'm surprised suicidal insist hasn't kicked in yet. I thought for sure I'd be dead my now. But hey, what do you know? I'm still alive.

Ten minutes later, my home rings again but I don't bother to look. Jane, who has finally made her way from under the covers, goes over to my phone. Before I can tell her to not touch my phone, she accepts the phone call.

"Jane, no!" It's too late to do anything. I look at phone to find it's Luke calling this time. I try to come up with something on the spot.

"Ugh, sorry. Wrong number, " I say with an accent that I don't know where it comes from.

"La-Lapis, " he says.

"Sorry but I got like ten second left, "

My excuses are becoming more and more lame and unbelievable.

"My brother isssn't here, " he says. It doesn't make me feel any better.

"I have something to do, " I say.

"No you-you don't, " he responds.

"Oh, look. It looks like I'm losing the signal, " I make some lame noises.

"Lapisss, wsit, " I don't wait. I make some name sounds and hang up. I look at Jane who wags her tail at me.

"No. Next time it rings, no, " I tell her. I then throw my phone off the bed. I close my eyes shut when I hear it hit the floor.

"Shit. I actually need that, " I tell myself.

I'm too lazy to get up and get my phone. So instead, I just leave it there and continue to watch depressing movies.

I don't know how much time I spend just laying there without eating. Jane leaves the room, probably to go eat her dog food or something. At least she gets to eat.

I pull my blanket over myself and just lay there while I listen to the movie that goes on in the background. Jane growls but I don't bother to know why. She doesn't stop.

"Jane, stop, " I tell her. She doesn't.

I uncover the blankets and look at Jane, "I'm not in the mood."

But she barely spares me a glance. Instead, she looks straight at where the balcony door should be. Everything in me grows cold.

I close my eyes and let my head hang before I turn to face Prince Charming.

I don't think he's sure of what to do. I pull the covers over my chest. I'm not sure of what to do or say myself. He seems embarrassed, but I'm not sure what he's thinking.

I may have not been paying attention at the time, but I know he is definitely skipping rehearsals. Both of us are going to be receiving a lecture from Jamie tomorrow for not going to rehearsals.

I love him, but I'm really not in the mood to be around anyone. Except for Jane. She is the only exception. I don't want anyone near me, especially Peridot.

Why can't anyone understand that I just want to be by my fucking self? No one respects privacy anymore. If I want to be alone for a fucking minute, everyone suddenly thinks that I'm a depressed bitch who wants to die. And they're not wrong. But that doesn't mean I don't need space to cry and figure what the shit my life means.

"I'm sorry, " is the first thing he says. He fidgets with his fingers.

I can't look at him directly. I look at him in the eye for three seconds before looking away and then looking at him again.

"I wasn't thinking and I was upset, " he says.

I thought he trusted me enough to tell me when he was upset. Peridot doesn't seem like someone who easily gets angry or upset, but as he said, we all have our breaking points. Prince Charming seems to be entering the unsafe territory of the fears he keeps hidden in the darkest pits of his mind.

"You could have told me you were upset, " I say. His lips are slightly parted as he looks down. The hair on my arms stands up as goosebumps form.

"I didn't want to worry you, " is his justification, "And I didn't mean to yell at you."

Ignoring the fact that he practically insulted me yesterday I gesture for him to sit next to me. He looks at Jane, then at me before sitting next to me.

I'm no expert, I have trouble dealing with my own shit. But he's my boyfriend and I love him and one day(hopefully) I want to marry him. Dealing with his issues is a things I'll have to learn to live with. I want to help him.

I hug him. It's a little uncomfortable because I have no bra on, but I try to ignore it. He buries his head into my neck once he takes his glasses off and cries. His tears flow down my neck and a few to the inside of my shirt. That's really hard to ignore.

I put my hand on his head and try to soothe him. I don't tell him everything's going to be okay. Because it's most probably not going to be. It's hard for him to adjust, even after years, and he's probably never going to be a hundred percent happy with the idea of his mom being with some other guy or the fact that his dad abandoned him just when he was becoming a teenager, or that his mom is pregnant with his half-sister. I don't think I would be okay either.

He calms down after a few minutes. Regardless, he doesn't move. He let's me hold him.

"Next time, just tell me, " I whisper. He simply nods.

He is always the one holding me, helping me through my breakdowns. It's a little weird that now I'm the one helping him. I don't think either of us are qualified to be each other's therapists.

"I'm really sorry, " he repeats, "I don't want to lose you."

_I don't want to lose you either._ But I don't say anything. I simply hold him as he has so many times done with me. Like after the carnival, the very next day, during the storms, and many other times I would just break down. I'm harder to handle than he is. But only because he doesn't let me know he's in pain. He doesn't let me see how deep his scars actually are. I appreciate how he doesn't want me to worry, but as his girlfriend, it's my job to worry and to be there. It's my job to try to heal the wounds and treat the scars. All I want is for him to let me know how badly it hurts. I want him to cry to me and tell me that his world isn't as cheerful and perfect as he paints it to be. I just want him to let me help him. That's all I want. Right now, my only priority is to help him and love him.

"It's fine, " I assure him. I hold him close and tightly, but he doesn't seem to mind. On the contrary, he huddles closer to me. I watch Jane yawn as my fingers fiddle around with Peridot's blond princess hair.

"I brought peace offerings, " he says.

"Peace offerings?" I ask.

"In case my crying didn't work, " he separates and rubs his swollen red eyes.

"I guess you're not in such a bad mood anymore, " I tease. He smile as another tear finishes rolling down his cheek.

Prince Charming still looks like an embarrassed kid, but I don't push it.

"My peace offerings?" I ask. He smiles as he struggles to put his glasses back on.

That lecture we're getting tomorrow from Jamie tomorrow may be worth the while.

* * *

**Hello!**

**I know I've updated late, and you're all like 'we're in isolation. You got no excuse.'**

**Sorry to break it to you, but I do. Teachers just think that since we don't go to school we are now computer slaves, meant to do homework all day.**

**But the point it, I will _try_ to update more often** **though I really can't promise anything.**

**Have a great day/night, you all know the drill.**


	40. Chapter 40

**Unveiling**

**Lapis' P.O.V****.**

Peridot has a brilliant idea. The problem is, that Prince Charming's ideas are as brilliant as they are stupid and risky.

It's April. I feel like March and April are the rainy months. Yet even between so much rain, there always has to be days that's pure sun and rainbows and all the fucking reasons I don't like going outside. Honestly, I don't even like people that much. But the streets are full of them so that's just my luck. What am I going to do? I can't just tell bomb on the street, have everyone run out screaming, and then just walk down the street like nothing happened.

That is endangering National Security you could say because though there isn't a real bomb, people become afraid and there is chaos because everyone wants to get away. This leads to people knocking each other over because why not? Perhaps they just want to practice their Social Darwinism while fleeing from a nonexistent bomb.

But I'm not going to do that. Especially on the beach, with like ten other people. Specifically, people I interact with on a daily basis, including Jane. And Steven's large and adorable cat, Lion.

Another barbeque, why not?

Because Peridot is stubborn as fuck and I have nothing better to do with my life.

It's another Sunday where I'm just supposed to be at home. Instead I'm on a beach.

As Peridot and I walk down the beach carrying the juice and the sodas, the sweat runs down my face and my neck. The rays of the sun cook my alive under my sweater as Jane looks around. Her pacing is fast and her tail sways from side to side swiftly. All while I must squint my eyes to be able to see. Prince Charming isn't wearing his sweater, so he's not as sweaty as me, but I know all the well he still is.

_I can't believe I was talked into coming here again._

Though I don't dread to be with my friends, I'm reluctant to spend time with them, our of school much. Except for Luke, really. But I didn't know him that much either.

"Aren't you sweating, Lazuli?" Peridot questions my life choices.

"No, " I lie trying to keep my sight in front of me.

"You are. Just have it off, " he says. That was a really stupid comment. I get to dress however the fuck it is I want and no on gets to fucking question me.

Of course I also do dress depending on occasions. I never go out without my sweater, so I can wear anything I want under my sweater. I can wear a crop top, a dress, a regular shirt, or nothing at all. The only thing that really varies is my pants. I'm just a girl in a thick sweater on a hot spring day.

"No. I'm fine. I'm used to it, " I justify.

The truth is, I wear a sweater every summer. When it's fucking a hundred degrees outside, I put my thick sweater on and get my sweat on. And though I have a lot of experience with sweating the shit out if myself, I have never actually gotten used to it. So no, I'm not fine. I'm in a cloth oven with a fucking star heating me up.

When I am right in front of the beach, it feels slightly cooler once we out the beverages down. The fresh salt water moves moves up my nostrils as my diaphragm expands. The heat releases me from it's chains of sweat for a brief moment as I gladly welcome the cool breeze coming from open ocean.

"Why are you wearing a sweater?" Amethyst asks me.

"Because I can, " I respond. She wear ripped denim shorts and a white shirt that she ties at her waist along with a cap on on top of a small messy pony tail.

"Chill, " she says as she outs a part of dark shades on.

I simply wear a pair of leggings that stop above my ankle, my white sneakers, and my sweater with a green short sleeve under. I am starting to realize white sneakers we're perhaps not the best idea to wear to the beach.

Everyone else wears shorts or leggings like me. Only Sapphire wears a skirt with a short-sleeved blue crop top. She has her hair tied up in a ponytail. Connie wears a braid, blue shorts, and a purple shirt. Scarlett has her red hair tied up into two buns at either side of her hair and wears white ripped jeans and an orange shirt. Steven wears his usual red shirt and sandals, except he wears shirts now.

It's funny how there are about nine of us, excluding Jane and Lion. Without Steven and Connie we are seven. There are seven of us and Steven, the second youngest one is the cook. It's very ironic.

While Steven gets the grill going, Peridot, Luke, Connie, and I try to put up the net and set everything up so it doesn't fall and kill us.

It's much harder than I remember. The sun beats down on me with whips of sunlight and punches of heat. Rivers of sweat flow down my face, neck, and arms. My shoes become humid from the heat causing my feet to also sweat a little. My bangs don't do much to shield my face.

I don't expect them to, but it would be nice to know I did thirty fucking dollars when I got them done for them to be a nuisance and not help at anything. They don't even help with covering up acne because for some reason when my acne punched me mercilessly in the face, I had acne all over the visible places of my face. All except on my forehead, under my bangs. My mom had told me that getting bangs would only increase acne. I wish I could rub it in her face that she's a fucking liar and that I did what I wanted and nothing happened. But if course, I can't do that unless I wish to be annihilated painfully and slowly.

Connie deciphers the instructions. Apparently, the reason I don't remember the setting up of the net being so hard is because Amethyst decided to get a new fucking net. What was wrong with the last one?

She doesn't event help is in setting up. She sits in a chair, talking with Steven, and Scarlett while Steven outs the patties and sausages on the grill. Ruby and Sapphire walk by the shore if the beach. Sapphire stands for a moment before walking into the water. Ruby follies after her. Sapphire bends down and grabs something and holds it out for Ruby to see. All while Connie tries to tell us how to set the net.

We actually have to attach the net to the poles in some complicated and shitty way. After that, Luke and I hold the poles and walk backward. We keep going until neither of us can go any farther. The bottom end of the pulse is shaped in an upside-down cone which Connie tells us is so it can really grab into the sand and all that shit that I don't really care about.

Peridot nails down Luke's pole first. My fingers behind to hurt and I am out of breath when Peridot finally has the decency to hurry the fuck up and come relieve me from my burden. As I hold the pole up straight, he nails it down.

"That should be it, " Connie says, her eyes glued to the manual as if it were something of major importance.

"Should be?" I ask her as my hands leave the pole. She nods and looks up at me.

"You should take your sweater off. It will cause the heat to be trapped inside making you hotter than you should be. Dehydration and heat exhaustion can sometimes cause vomiting and can even cause a stroke," she says. I do the normal thing. I listen to the smart girl. Well, that's not really a normal thing for me. I have a lot of pride.

Of course, there is a lot of hesitation. I don't want to take my sweater off with them here. It will only serve to make things weird for me. But is that really worse than being cooked alive? That's debatable.

"This is going to be uncomfortable, " I say to no one in particular.

"You're actually going to take it off?" Prince Charming asks me.

"Yeah, " I respond as I very hesitantly take the hem of my sweater.

"It's going to be fine, " he assures me.

"That's the best you can do?" I ask him. He shrugs his shoulder.

Instead of taking a sweater off like a normal person, taking it by the hem, and just lifting up, I decide to go sleeve by sleeve first. Once both my arms are no longer in my sleeves, I take the hem of my sweater and pull it up. When the sweater is finally off my body, I am able to cool off, but it still feels uncomfortable to not wear my sweater outside of my house.

"You want me to take it?" he asks me. I nod and hand him my sweater as I put my arms around myself in discomfort.

"You'll be okay, " his words of assurance falls cold.

"When did it get so cold?" I ask.

"When did it get so hot?" he asks me with that sly smile of his. I smack his head.

"Shut the fuck up, " I whisper sharply to him.

"Yo, you guys want to go play a game while Steven cooked the food up?" Amethyst asks us as she takes the volleyball from under her chair.

She didn't help with setting up the net she just recently bought even though the last time I saw the last one it was perfectly fine.

"Sure, " Peridot responds for both of us. He goes to put my sweater in a chair while I make my way to the net.

Instead of whipping me with rays of sunlight, the sun caresses me with warm energy as the ocean cools the heat with a soft breeze making the warmth and the coolness balanced and delightful to be under.

"You actually have arms?" Amethyst asks me. I'm not personally offended my her joke because that's all it is, a joke. Yet it still is rude, nonetheless. I don't, however, say anything on the matter.

"Yes, I do, " I say as I roll my eyes.

"Good to know, " she says.

We split up into teams of four. Sapphire, Ruby, Luke, and Amethyst are in one group. Peridot, Scarlett, and I are in another. Even though they outnumber us by one, Scarlett cheers for us. Her proud boasts of pride make me smile at her naive confidence though I myself know that Peridot is very good at volleyball. I'm not an expert, but I can move around a little. Keyword, little.

When we were younger and we lived next to each other, with a fence keeping us from seeing each other, Peridot was a nerd. There is no other way to say it. He loved to read, he had a thing for the arts too. He was the intellectual, the scholar, the real sensitive guy. The vivid descriptions of being bested in sports during gym class we're enough to tell me he did not understand what the word ball meant though he understood a bunch of other complex words that to this day I still do not manage to comprehend.

Instead of asking me on a play date, or on an actual date(I was like six) he enjoyed reading to me aloud. The cruel thing would be when he ended our reading sessions at the end or middle of a chapter where there was a cliffhanger. He wouldn't tell me more. Peri would make me be anxious all day not knowing who was betraying who or who was dying or living. Our reading sessions were every single day at around the same hour, but only if I was interested in the book he was reading. If not, then I wouldn't really give a fuck. The point is that he compelled me wait and come back to him as early as I could to get the ending or whatever happened next. It was cruel. Pure evil. You simply don't do that to a reader, or a friend, much less if you have an interest in them. Though I must admit it was start now that I think about it.

Instead of giving me what was going to happen, he would make me anxious to know what comes next. Therefore my anxiousness would make me come crawling go him, begging for the next scene. It's really smart. I never thought that his reasons for keeping me hanging were because he had an actual interest in me. Had I known, I would have torn down that fence. I knew where my dad kept him construction materials. Though the wall would keep us from seeing each other, it did not keep us from seeing eye to eye.

Amethyst tries to make bets with Scarlett. Luke reddens when one if Amethyst's says that if we were to lose, Scarlett has to make out with Luke right here in the beach.

The redheads' eyebrows furrow down but her grin grows. Clearly, she isn't taken back by her losses involved in the bet. Luke, on the other hand, doesn't seem to like the idea of showing us how much he loves his girlfriend.

"Hey!" Steven yells from the grill, "Leave the bets for later!"

"And no making out!" Connie yells after. Amethyst's head hangs while she groans loudly.

"Fine! You're all so boring!" she says. With that being said, we toss a coin.

I am about to call tails in midair when Sapphire yells it before me, "Tails!"

It lands in tails. Surely it must have been her futuristic psychic medium powers that told her to yells tails. They rotate and Luke serves. We play for around ten minutes before Steven calls us to eat. Jane and Lion go running towards him. Jane stands up and Steven tried to get her to stand down with such fragility and care it makes me smile.

Though I did already eat, the smell of the food causes my stomach to grumble.

Amethyst tries to eat everyone's food while it is still in the grill and poor Steven is trying to get her away from it since he has to serve it.

I call Jane over so she leaves Steven alone therefore he only has Amethyst to deal with. Even if Amethyst were a dog, she would never follow directions like Jane.

Connie helps Steven out and we all sit on a chair. This time, there is no table. Only enough chairs for all of us. Jane sits on the warm sand right under me.

We all talk. The musical comes up, like always, but it died pretty quickly. Everyone is nervous about the performance. They say its the fact that this is a very well known musical and it's one of the hardest musicals they've ever done. They forget that this is my hardest musical because this my first fucking musical. At least they have the experience. I have nerves and social anxiety out of my circle of friends. The friends around me right now are basically the only friends I have. Apart from Marcy and Blue.

They joke around and stuff and Amethyst eats a lot of food. I don't think she will be able to play more volleyball after eating so much. Which I am actually happy about when I think it through. She won't make bets and she won't be so competitive or call the losing side losers. Sadly, this is Amethyst, and her digestive system is like a bottomless pit. Nothing needs time, it doesn't need to be edible, and there are no limits.

After eating, we just sit there for about half an hour talking about school and college next year. I hadn't really thought about college. I had barely processed the fact that I am a senior and I'm graduating in about less than four months. Amethyst, Sapphire, Ruby, Peridot, and I are graduating this year, and we will all be in college next year.

Steven still has a few more years to go before he catches up to us. Luke and Scarlett graduate next year, and Connie is still in middle school. She graduates this year and she decides to go to a different high school than ours. Apparently, she is too smart for us commoners. Prince Charming is smart too, but he still goes to my school. Well, I go to his. And if he didn't go to the school he goes to, we would have never met. Or reunited or whatever.

"What do you think is worse, college or high school?" Scarlett asks us.

"Well, we're not there yet, but I'd say high school. I can't wait to get away from my parents!" She says. _Me too._ But I'm not going to boarding school and I'm not sure she is either.

"I would be happy to get away from them too, " Peridot says, "But I'm staying here."

Here. We're both staying here and we're staying together. We're not kids anymore, we don't have to do every single thing our parents say anymore. And they can't keep us away from each other. Neither his mom nor my mom knows.

"We're all staying, " Sapphire chimes in.

"Someone needs to keep all of you out of your boring ass lives, " Peridot adds.

"Which we all know is me, " Scarlett says.

"Nah. That's me, " Amethyst refutes.

"You wish!" Scarlett retorts.

"You're not-not even going to...college yet, " Luke tells Scarlett.

"Sweet Luke, it's a way of speech, " she says, speaking to him so sweetly yet firmly. He doesn't contradict her. It's easy to see how much he loves her. I sincerely do not know how Scarlett did not know Luke liked her.

"Let's play volleyball, " Sapphire says, getting up. Ruby follows her. We are all in a state of processing her abrupt invitation like decapitated chicken, but we eventually get up and follow her.

We play the first game. My team is composed of Sapphire, Ruby, Connie, and me. On the other team is Peridot, Luke, Amethyst, and Scarlett. Steven sits to the sidelines, patiently and happily waiting for his turn. He watches and cheers both of our teams on.

Obviously, I feel constricted. All of my teammates are smaller than I am. If I get lucky, which I won't, Sapphire will bust out her psychic ass powers and become the witch bitch I need her to be right now. She stands there, ever so calmly while I have an existential crisis about my height.

Sadly, my team fucking loses my a point. A fucking ass point. All because of Amethyst.

Even though I feel like kicking Amethyst's ass, my feet kill me. I decide to sit in the sidelines with Steven.

Further down, the waves crash against each other as the breeze of salt and droplets of ocean fall upon us. The seagulls swim in the air up high, their call as soothing as reading perhaps. Unless they're too close. Then they just alarming.

I hear the gentle strum of strings, and turn to see Steven holding a tiny ass guitar which I am guessing is his ukelele.

It's smaller than I thought it would be. It's orange and red. Steven plays like a fifteen-second song before put putting his fingers on the strings over the soundhole, stopping any kind of vibration from escaping the metal strings. He smiles and turns to me.

"What do you think?" he asks.

"It sounds nice, " I tell him. I really don't know that much about music just basic stuff and a few advanced things that make no sense which Scarlett and Luke rant about sometimes.

"I told you I would bring it last time, but I didn't. So I brought it today. Better late than never, " he says. I nod.

He continues to strum his strings to form a soothing melody combining to create a harmony with the waves and birds.

As he play, I tale my shoes off. Playing with white speakers on the hot hand, under the blazing sun, was not a good idea to begin with. I take them off, along with my socks, and put with my sweater on Peridot's chair.

I get back next to Steven as he continues to play. The sand crushes under my toes as I leave footprints behind me.

Jane puts her head on my lap, panting. Lion goes over to Steven and lays down next to him.

"How old is Lion?" I ask him.

"Uh, I don't know. I found him, " he says. Though he looks at me, he can still perfectly change his fingers on the fingerboard and pluck different strings. It is something extraordinary, "What about Jane?"

"She's seven, " I tell.

"Cool. Do you play anything?" he asks me.

"I play volleyball, "

"An instrument, "

"Oh no!" I shake my head.

"Why not? It would be cool. We would be and do form a band!" he claims excitedly.

"Umm, I don't know. I just, I, I'll, " I can't say no. Not to Steven. But I can't do something I don't want.

"I'll think about it, " is all I say.

I turn my gaze and watch the others play. After their game ends, Steven and I join. We are both on the same team, but our team only has four player. The other team has an advantage of one more player than us.

Once again, I am with short people. Apart from Steven, I am also with Connie and Amethyst. I'm the only tall person which makes me the perfect target. _Great._

The worst part is that I don't even have Peridot to throw in front of me. Because he's on the other fucking team! It just had to be my luck. My shitty ass luck.

I manage to not mess anything up. Though in all honesty, as much this is fun, it's a fucking burning battlefield. I don't know how soldiers fight during summer with such heavy stuff on. It's a massacre.

My wrists turn red, and the sweat accumulates under my dark blue bangs. My bun is not as strong enough as I had thought it to be. I have to take it down and tie it over again, which is not very convenient for playing volleyball. My bun is messy, but by doing it over again, it's tighter than before.

When it is my turn to serve once again, I could not be any more stupid and weak. I hit it right into the fucking net. Like, who as told the fucking net to be there? I, as sure as hell, did not.

Steven and Connie tell that it's okay, we can still win. Amethyst, on the other hand, she's something completely different. Apparently, she bet something with Peridot which sounds very much like them. What worries me is what the fuck they bet. I have no idea, but I have a feeling I probably don't want to know. Besides, the sand and the hot ass sun make me lazy as fuck. I can do no more than survive a flying ball that can break my bones. Oh no wait, that's a basketball.

We keep serving and rotating and losing and winning and shit. I am surprised how Connie can keep track of everything and isn't fazed by how confusing keeping score of points is. Especially when Amethyst keeps calling out random numbers to make it seem like we're winning.

We actually end up winning. It surprises me. For a bunch of small asses and one tall ass, we weren't bad. Except for me. I was shit.

Amethyst laughs, "Suck my ass!"

"Amethyst, " Steven calls her out.

"Aww. Come on Ste-man. I'm just enjoying our history!" she shoots her fists in the air and lets herself fall on the hot sand while laughing. People stare. I smile nervously at them hoping they don't call the cops or the asylum. Jane and Lion huddle around Amethyst. Jane sniffs her while Lion lays on top of her stomach.

"Jane, " she lifts her head to look at me. She wags her tail and runs, her tongue out and panting.

As Amethyst struggles to get Lion off of her, everyone begins to talk. Jane walks towards the shoreline, where the hot sand becomes cold and wet like a type of cold and salty play-do mud. I follow my canine sister and baby.

Whereas the sand gets between my toes in the hot sand, when I reach the shoreline, I only leave footprints that don't last long. My footprints are not heavy. They fill up with saltwater until my mark is lost amongst millions of grains of sand and saltwater.

I try to avoid the actual ocean water. I don't want the sand to stick to my feet. Besides, even though the day proves to be hot, the large body of open ocean must be cold nonetheless.

I watch Jane jump around. She runs to the water as the waves are called into itself before the retreat is second-guessed and floods the already saturated sand. Some seagulls soar through the air and land on the oceans' surface gracefully, floating atop of the water as a beach ball would. Conches, small and broken, and sea shells decorate the wet sand.

I pick up a small faded blue conch which can be no bigger than the space between two knuckles on my finger. It's not broken, on the other hand, it's beautiful. Small, yet beautiful.

The beach is not a place I've frequented often in the last seven years. I believed there was far too much sun and people. It's a nice place now that I look at it. Even when the sun slaps me with tans on my face, I like it.

As Jane runs back and forth, chasing and then being chased by the crashing waves, I walk along the shore, trying to find more conches. My grandma told me that it was very rare to find a big and unbroken conch. Especially on a touristic beach. But I know she would be thrilled to have even found such a tiny one that was in good condition.

My friends and the net are never out of sight. Less than a minute of walking and I would be back with them, but I don't rush. I have until seven-thirty.

When I finally decide to go back and end my search, for now, I find everyone staring at something. Prince Charming nowhere in sight.

"What's going on?" I ask.

Scarlett answers without looking, "Peridot and Amethyst bet. Now Peridot has to go through with it."

_Ah shit._

"What is he doing?" I ask her.

"Here he comes, " Sapphire says.

A split second later, Prince Charming runs towards us. He wears a pair of sunglasses, a cap, a hoodie, and a pair of flip flops. He runs past us and crouches and hides behind us. Amethyst laughs, so do Scarlett and Ruby.

"What did you do?" I ask him.

He puts a finger on his lips, "He'll find me."

When I look up again in the direction from where he came from, a lifeguard looks around, confused. He looks around many times.

I crouch down to rub Jane's ears. She begins to sniff the small conch.

"I thought you said you faced the consequences of your actions, " I discreetly tell him.

"When I get caught, Lazuli. Only if I get caught, " he whispers.

A girl lifeguard comes up to the lifeguard guy. They begin to speak to each other. The girl shrugs her shoulders. Peridot begins to take everything off. I wonder where he got that hoodie from. That cap is definitely Amethyst's but those sunglasses are not. They're pink whereas Amethyst's are black and light purple.

"Are they gone yet?" Peridot asks.

"They're le-leaving, " Luke discreetly looks towards the lifeguards.

"I would like my sunglasses back, " Scarlett reaches her hand out.

"Really? I really liked them, I was thinking of keeping them, " he answers.

"Maybe I'll get the lifeguards to help me, " she raises her hand.

"No, no, no! Here!" He snatches the sunglasses off of his face and holds them out of her. Scarlett takes her hot pink shades with black from Peridot's hand and places them on her nose.

"It's always a pleasure doing business with my boyfriend's brother, " she says.

Amethyst continues to laugh at Peridot's struggling. His blond hair sticks to his neck as rivers of salty sweat stream down his partly red face.

As I continue to rub Jane's head, I crouch closer and whisper, "Help me find more?"

I gesture to the small conch in my hand. Yet even though I phrase it as a question, it isn't really one. I'm his girlfriend. Almost everything I say to him is a law. Except when I say dumb shit. Oh no, wait. I'm still right then.

"Sure, " he takes his flip flops off and stands up.

"We will be right back, " Peridot tells them.

"Are you telling us or would you want us to deliver your message to the lifeguards?" Scarlett asks.

"I am only a bystander. You, on the other hand, have the glasses of the crime scene, " Peridot retorts. She crosses her arms but only grins before turning to the others.

Prince Charming and I walk slowly neat the shoreline, Jane at our heels. Many children crowd the shoreline and the shallow part of the water. Some run when the waves come crashing down while others laugh. Adults and teenagers swim in the deeper parts. The air is salty and the smell is the unmistakable smell of the ocean. The sand beneath me feet leaves footprints. The only difference is that it lasts in one, but quickly fades in the other.

"What did Amethyst make you do?" I ask him. He crouches down and

"She wanted me to scare the shit out of the lifeguard, " he respond. I raise an eyebrow.

"It's hard to explain. Let's just say that he got visited by the intergalactic stellar army. Patrol station 009, unit 6," he says.

"An alien?" I question. _Where the fuck does he get these ideas?_

"I guess you could say, " he says.

"So you're an alien police?" I ask him.

"But I've settled down on this world. Seemed calm, "

"World War two seemed calm?"

"Calmer that Guardians of the Galaxy, " he says as he stretches his and our with a small conch. It is small, but it is shiny, unbroken, and looks perfect.

I admire it in my hands. Prince Charming puts a hand around my waist, "As beautiful as you?"

"Shut up, " I tell him. He stands up and takes the conch from my hands, turning it and looking at it.

"You know, Lazuli. When I can't kiss you, it's when I want to do it a lot more, "

"I've said not in public, " I half-whisper and half scream.

"But these are strangers. And I don't think our friends have so amazing vision that they can see all the way here, " he gestures to our group of friends who have grown tinier as we've walked away.

"No, " I continue on my way.

"Just a tiny little peck?" he pleads, "No one has to know, "

"I said no, "

"Please?"

"I said no, " I repeat once more.

"Nobody is going to know, "

"Yes because there are many blue-haired girls with tall blond guys on this beach, " I retort.

"You think I'm tall?"

"Than what the fuck are you? Tiny?" I ask him.

He steps in front of me. The salty ocean of sweat dripping down his face causes his usually beautiful and silky smooth blond princess hair to look as if he's been soaked in a shower. Even though it's disgusting regardless of it being a normal thing, I have to admit, he does look fucking sexy when he's sweaty. Especially with those arms. The good thing is he's my boyfriend. The bad thing is he's my fucking boyfriend.

I sweat too. But I doubt I look a tenth as good as he does. But hey, I wasn't born with princess hair.

"Hopefully I'm not, " he whispered into my mouth.

I don't know when I got so stupid. But it must have been sometime from the day I was born to the day I was born.

I was born a stupid ass. Let's face it. Kissing my boyfriend on the beach when our friends are so close and our relationship is supposed to be a secret is probably one of the stupidest things I'll ever do in my fucking existence.

My heart beats faster inside of my chest. I'm not sure if it is from the fear of getting caught or from how hot things have been getting regardless of their constraints.

"You just need to relax, " he whispers between our kiss.

He puts his right arm on my waist and his left arm under my ass on my legs, picking my up. I'm surprised that after playing volleyball, losing, and screwing with the lifeguard he still has strength left. I'd be dead.

With one arm around his neck and my hand on the ide of his face, I hold on to him for dear life because if I fall, I'll probably be too lazy to get back up. Sand has that effect on me, that I don't want to do anything.

I know very well my friends are so close, but freely showing the world that Peridot is mine feels freeing and amazing. An adrenaline and ecstasy that cannot be out into words. A rapture everything inside me long to hold forever, no matter the cost. Yet they say all good things must come to an end.

Giggling interrupts the constant and blended harmony between the crashing waves of the ocean and the seagulls overhead.

"Oh, shit. Did you get it?"

I only know one girl with a British accent.

_Oh fucking shit!_

Peridot let's go of me as we both turn to see Scarlett and Amethyst recording us with their phones. Their smirks are plastered like medals over their faces.

"Holy shit! Sapphire was right!" Amethyst exclaims.

"It's not what you think!" I say.

"So you weren't kissing?" Amethyst asks.

"It was an accident!" my mind flies through a million different lame excuses but all of them are shit.

"It was an accident that he was picking you up and that his tongue was so coincidentally in the same place as your mouth. Because that totally happens like, all the time, " the redhead says raising an eyebrow.

Every part of ms goes cold before it gets hotter and hotter. I don't know if I'm red, or how I look. But I plead for the sand to open up and for the sea god to swallow me whole and have mercy on my small and insignificant pitiful mortal soul.

"Hurry up!" Amethyst grabs Scarlett's hand and both of them run off. I turn to Prince Charming.

"No one was going to see?" I rub in his face.

"I said a simple peck, " the prince defends himself.

"You picked me up!"

"Are we gonna stand here or ate we going to go?" he asks me. Angry and embarrassed with him and me, I start to quickly walk in the direction of our friends. Peridot quickly follows behind me.

The heat becomes unbearable. I can get skin cancer or something from so much sun due to an unhealthy tan or I can burn my skin. The seagulls can attack me, as can crabs, and a jelly fish or a shark can wash up on shore. I can drown in the ocean or become dehydrated due to the salt in the water. Everything on this beach is a fucking danger.

When we get back to everyone, literally everyone turns to us. Every inch of me boils and I'm afraid I may be blushing.

"Since when are you two together?" Steven asks. His ever so enthusiastic voice causes me to smile, but not from happiness.

Peridot isn't fazed. He is a little worried, but not like me. The guy is chill as fuck.

"We're not together, " I stand my ground.

"They were making out," Amethyst whispers.

"We were not!" I almost yell.

"But you admit you two got a thing going on there, " Scarlett says in her British accent.

"How long?" Steven asks again.

"Over a month, " Peridot responds. I turn to look at him.

"You're not helping!" I raise my voice hoping it will knock some sense into his stupid ass brain.

Every starts speaking at once.

"It's true!" Steven throws his hands into the air. The curly haired kid has a smiles painted on his face which reaches his eyes. Connie next to him laughs with him before everyone starts massacring me with question I don't want to answer.

"Why were you keeping it a secret?"Connie asks.

"I-" I barely have enough time to begin.

"Have you guys gotten naughty?" Amethyst grins, raising both eyebrows. My face gets hotter and her insinuations, but again, I don't get to contradict or answer her.

"Fate has been sealed, " Sapphire mumbles. I don't get to ask her.

"How did you two start?" Scarlett asks.

"What else have you been hiding?" Ruby squint's her eyes and Peridot and me as if we were under suspicion of doing something wrong.

Before my head explodes I speak up, "Calm the fuck down!"

They all stop speaking. I feel as though I have all the confidence necessary to expose my private and romantic life with these people. But then I look at Amethyst and all of my confidence disappears into thin air.

"Peridot, you explain, " I say. He stares at me for a brief second before opening his mouth.

_Oh, shit__. That was probably not the best idea._

"There's not much to way. We're dating, it was a secret, but now you know, " he says.

"But why was it a secret?" Connie asks.

"Because Lazuli wanted it that way and I must serve, " he says ever so modestly.

"You're making me sound like a tyrant, " I point out.

"You're my queen, " he says.

"Shut the fuck up, " I respond as my eyes keep wandering to the others who just stare at us.

"And I must do as my love desires, " Prince Charming adds.

"Okay. Can you not help me?" I almost beg.

"Aww. Their first fight, " Scarlett says as if she were looking at a dog almost as adorable as Jane.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Amethyst cheers.

"It's not the first time we've fought, " I point out.

"Even before she could tolerate me, " Peridot adds.

"Okay, " Steven stands and comes between us, "Let's calm down and take it easy."

There could have been no worse way to let the entire world know than Prince Charming and I are dating. Like what the fuck? It seems like fate and destiny simply don't like me.

"Let's sit down and you guys can tell us about everything," Steven says.

That's exactly what we do. We sit down and Peridot and I have to explain everything. We've been hanging out a lot, we first kissed the day of the carnival, we didn't make it official until the next day, he met my dad, and stuff. Of course, we leave our anything having to do with my personal stuff including my rape and my condition.

We also explain how we'd actually met before. Ten years ago. We were best friends and we talked every day across the fence without ever seeing each other before Peridot had to move away due to his mom's new marriage. He briefly touches the subject before trying to change the topic. Ruby and Connie ask how the baby is doing, referring to Peridot's younger half-sibling. He doesn't say anything but tries to play it cool by smiling. Luke answers.

"Wait, Luke, did you know?" Scarlett asks her boyfriend. He smiles sheepishly.

"Your supposed to tell me these things, " she argues.

"It wasss a...secret, " Luke defends.

"We'll as long that thick ass isn't a secret, " she literally slaps his fucking ass. Luke reddens deeply as the sweat trickles down his blond hair. Amethyst laughs.

"But how come you didn't recognize each other?" Connie asks.

I turn to Prince Charming, "Would you like to explain this one?"

Grinning and unfazed, he accepts my challenge.

"I knew exactly who she was. Her voice hasn't really changed and well I just had an instinct, " he starts.

"Love!" Amethyst says in a sing-song voice.

"But I didn't know who he was, " I interject.

"Exactly, "

"Because he didn't fucking tell me!" I accuse.

"It's so romantic, " Steven smiles.

"It was weird," I say, "This guy was just following me around everywhere and I was like, what the fuck?"

"But you love him!" Steven exclaims. I scoff.

"Very bold claim, " I say, crossing my arms.

"So you're lying to me?" Peridot asks smirking.

"No. I never said it wasn't true I just said it was a very bold claim, " I correct my poor needless boyfriend.

"It's actually very ironic, " Scarlett says. We turn to her.

"Think about it. They got roles in the musical where they are married and it turns out they are actually dating, " she explains shrugging her shoulder. Everyone nods.

"He had this fucking planned, " I say.

Them finding out Peridot and I are dating isn't as bad as I thought. Our relationship doesn't actually last as the main focus. But that's fine by me. Jane sits at my feet, looking around and perking her ears us every time she hears a whistle or a ball falls close to us.

Peridot has me home before eight. I'm ready for bed at around ten after finishing homework, eating, and taking a shower.

I wish he had stayed. But we have school tomorrow and everyone will definitely notice that he's coincidentally wearing the same clothes two days on a row, and we also happen to be dating. Of course I don't want Peridot sleeping in my bed when he's fucking sweating oceans.

Instead, I put his small conch on the drawer next to my bed as I fall asleep.

* * *

**Hello! How is everyone?**

**So, I am very sorry for how late this chapter was posted. I'm not going to excuse myself, but I will let you know, I am working on this other project and I'm using the time I have right now to finish it. Hopefully, I'll be able to get the next chapter done quickly.**

**Anyway, what did you guys think?**

**I hope everyone is safe and healthy, and I hope everyone has a wonderful night/day, you all know the drill!**


	41. Chapter 41

**History Sings To** **Us**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

"Why does it have to be today?" I ask Prince Charming.

"Because in two days it's the weekend, " he explains, "And then you're all mine."

"Shit. I don't want to go, "

I hadn't realized how real it was that I had to perform on a stage in front of an audience until yesterday when we had our last rehearsal. The musical will go one for three days. Today, tomorrow Thursday and Friday.

Peridot puts an arm around me, pulling me close. I hook my arm around his neck. He kisses me deeply. My lips move in sync with his as his warm hand rubs my back.

I'm laughing for no reasons at all when we separate and I rest my head next to his neck.

"Fuck, " I say through laughs.

"Me?" Peridot asks.

"Shut up, " I tell him.

"Do you not like my beautiful voice?" he asks me.

"More like you're annoying words, " I answer as I put a hand on his shoulder. Gently, I press down and he lets out a small sigh. A small weakness I've come to notice. One he doesn't even know exist. It's one of the perks of being the only woman allowed to touch him just as he is the only one allowed to touch me. No, wait. I'm wrong. He can't touch me without my permission. It's really one sided.

I place a small kiss on his neck before he engulfs me whole with his arms and continues to kiss me. Jane raises her head. I giggle and let out a slight moan when he kisses my neck. That when his phone buzzes.

"Who is it?" I ask gesturing to his phone on the other side of the bed.

"Probably no one more important than you, " he whispers. As much as I love having my boyfriend all to myself and I hate people in general, I urge him to answer.

"It's Luke, " he responds.

"Answer, " I tell him.

He answers his phone while putting his palm on my forehead and pushing me back. I take a pillow and smack the shit out of him as he falters in his speech.

"Yeah, she's gone mad, " Peridot tells Luke.

"Fine, " he hesitated and rolls his eyes before leaving the call and letting his phone fall.

"What happened?" I ask him as he let's his back fall on the bed.

"Luke needs me to get something, " he answers with as little detail as possible. _By his face, probably from his house._

"Are they still at Amethysts'?" I ask. He nods.

After a moment, he sits up straight and says, "Well, we should probably get going."

I nod.

* * *

I wait for Peridot outside of his luxurious mansion house with a small backpack with my heeled shoes inside. Perhaps his house it is not large enough to be called a palace, but it is a small mansion.

Every house on the curved street is a mini castle. There is no way I would ever be able to rent much less buy something like this in my tiny little life.

Prince Charming nearly runs out of his house with a plastic bag in hand.

"Come on!" he urges me forward, pulling me away from such luxurious sights.

"What happened?" I ask him.

"Nothing, " Of course, I don't believe him.

We walk and sing a little, practicing our singing and the few spoken lines we have. He puts his arm around my waist.

I decided to stop using my sweater every day It's almost June and I don't want to sweat like hell. Especially if Prince Charming is going to be another added layer.

"Is you dad coming?" he asks me.

"On Friday, " I answer, "Today and tomorrow, he's taking my mom out."

"I praise his bravery, " he comments.

"Shut up, " I teasingly push him.

"What about your mom?" I ask even though I know how hard it is for him to speak of his mother and step-dad. Especially with his mother's pregnancy.

He takes my hand and walks quicker, "She's going on Friday too."

He keeps his normal face with a smirk, but his words are quiet.

"Wouldn't you like her to meet my dad?" I ask him.

My dad once believed Peridot to be like his father. A man who can't care for his children and abandons them. Maybe we're far too young for any of that stuff, but after he meets his mom, perhaps he'll have a slight change in opinion.

"No, " he answers.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want Stephan to have anything to do with you, " he says. He's so firm in his decision, it worried me.

Instead of pushing him further, I take his hand and pull his arm over my shoulders, smiling at him.

"We're going to be marrying each other for the next three days, so we might as well get along, " I tell him. He smiles and pulls me close.

When we are in front of Amethyst's house, Peridot calls Luke after knocking and ringing the doorbell many times. Amethyst lives in a house with her parents, so it's kind of hard to ring the wrong doorbell and blame it on the system. But we do anyway.

"Shit, " Peridot murmurs.

"What's wrong?" I ask him. He holds a finger up, until he hangs up and tells me.

"They're already on their way to school. He said to meet up there, " Prince Charming explains.

"You're kidding, "

"Well my dear Lazuli, desperate times call for desperate measures, " he says.

"And that's supposed to mean?" I expect an answer but he only smirks like he always does and walk to to the back of Amethysts' house

"Can you do that?" I ask him.

"I can do anything I want, " he calls out. I stay in front of her house, waiting for him. Again. I hear an engine, and I raise an eyebrow.

Peridot laughs as he rides onto the street on his killing machine with a helmet in front of him, "Come on! Get on."

"No. I'm not getting on that killing machine, " I tell him.

"It's not a killing machine. It depends on the driver. I know what I'm doing, " he insists, holding out the helmet.

It's not that I don't like trying out new things, even though I don't, it's just that I would rather be miserable, but be alive.

"I don't think I trust you at that level yet, " I say.

"You don't trust me after years of knowing each other and about two months of dating, " he smirks.

"Exactly. I'm glad we understand each other, "

"Just try it once, to get to school. If you get a panic attack, I'll put this away forever, " he bets. It sounds like an amazing offer where my life hangs in the balance.

_Fuck it._

Rolling my eyes, I take the plastic bag from his hands and stuff it into my backpack. Shoving my pride and my better judgment down my throat, I put a hand on his shoulder as I slide one of my legs to the other side. I take his helmet and pull over my head. The sweat forms immediately.

"Hold on, and don't be too tense, " he says.

"Don't be too tense, " I mock, "I'm holding on for my fucking life."

I wrap my arms around his waist as the motor laughs at me maniacally with it's grinding engine.

_This was not thought through._

But he takes off before I can do anything else. I hold on to him for dear life. My heart almost hammers to a stop before I realize its not so bad.

The only difference between riding a motorcycle and riding a car is the air. In a car, you have restricted air conditioner whereas in a motorcycle, you have free air cuddling you from all angles.

Of course there are other differences like the seat, hanging on to someone else, my life at stake, and so many other things. But other than that, there isn't much difference.

He goes slowly, not like the time he almost ran me over. If he goes at this same pace, I may even get used to his killing machine.

We arrive at school before the others do though there are already many people waiting outside for the school to open. Many students wear black. Girls wear black dresses, no bear shoulders or skirts with flat shoes. Boys wear black dress shirt or polo shirts with black dress pants and glossy shoes. Some of them carry cases of instruments. They're the orchestra pit. _Scarlett's hometown. _

Most of the other students who are acting in the musical wear whatever they wish. Our costumes are inside. A few hold bags or backpacks. Probably for shoes, and extra stuff. Apart from my shoes, I hold another thing crucially essential for my survival. Food. Food and water.

Peridot stuffs his keys into my backpack as we join the musical geeks in their timeless journey to enter the ruthless establishment the government calls school.

Minutes later, the others appear. Luke runs to us and asks for his things. He sighs in relief when the plastic bag is within his embrace. I still don't know what is inside that bag.

Scarlett has a large violin case strapped over her shoulders.

Scarlett's curly red hair runs down her shoulders. She wears a black dress that outlines her figure, ending right at her knees. The straps hold against the space between the shoulder and neck.

Luke hands her the plastic bag.

"Thank you so much!" she says, "I don't know what I would have done if I didn't get my music. My teacher would have gone crazy!"

I'm guessing those are her music sheets.

"I'm so excited!" Amethyst yells with her hands in the air. Scarlett has a conversation with some of the other instrumentalists.

"You will fall, " Sapphire says. Amethyst freezes with her hands still up.

"In love?" she asks.

"On your face, " Peridot responds. The rest of us smirk.

"That's much better, " she responds.

The doors open and all of us flood in as the cattle from _The Lion King_. Instrumentalists go the their music rooms to retrieve their instruments or the leave their cases and bags behind.

Us actors go straight to the auditorium. The first two rows of seats remain empty, because of the space the orchestra and the music teachers take up to lead the orchestra.

Jamie is already there, giving everyone directions and perfecting the stage and all that shit.

Everyone goes backstage. Girls to the left and boys to the right. I hurry. I don't want to fail before the show has even begun.

Blue and Naomi arrive after me. But I am the last one of us three to change and get out and into our dress. It is still very uncomfortable to change in front of them. But I push through it.

After Sapphire and Ruby's alterations and tweaks, the dress fits me far better. Blue fixes my hair, combing it and fixing it until it is smooth and shiny. I greatly hesitate when Naomi offers to do my makeup with the lipstick, eyeliner, and blush. But I give in with only the light pink lipstick and a very subtle eyeliner stroke.

The heels sound against the glossed wooden planks of the stage. Naomi, Blue, and I practice _The Schuyler Sisters._ When Luke comes out, he gladly, joins us. The ensemble members practice dances and songs and instrumentalists practice their parts and songs. Scarlett takes out her violin, but it is an electric violin. Everyone else's violin is normal, except for an electric cello and viola.

We all get our assigned microphones. I clip mine onto the neck of my dress and turn it on.

As we dance and sing, I can't help but smile and feel the butterflies in my stomach. I've never been part of something so important, or something larger than me.

Hands seize my waist from behind as I yelp in surprise. But the arms wrap around me, digging his head into my neck.

"Fucking idiot!" I yell at Prince Charming.

"You're beautiful, " he says in a causal tone, letting everyone hear.

"They're really good actors, " Naomi crosses her arms.

Blue scoffs, "The acting got to them."

"His brain is shit. That's the problem, " I say.

"Then I got some pretty smart shits for brains, " he stands proudly.

"Shit is ssshit, " Luke says. We all laugh.

Jamie calls us to gather around the piano. We do some annoying and unnecessary vocal exercises and has us to a tongue twister before he gathers everyone's attention on the stage and the orchestra below us. He gives us what is supposed to be a motivational speech, but turns out to be a rant about how acting is so amazing and we are all ever so privileged to be part of something so very amazing.

We have them more minutes to gather ourselves before Jamie calls everyone to be backstage, and I along with a few others help close the curtains.

People begin to flood the aisles. I stand with Naomi and Steven behind the curtains peering behind the only thing keeping me from humiliations.

Naomi doesn't have her heels on. She says she'll put it on when the curtains open and the show officially begins. Steven wears his bright red monarch clothes. He'll put on his cape and crown during _Farmers Refuted_. He smiles, it reaches his eyes. The young Universe is excited go be part of this musical after seeing his friends be in so many.

I never wanted to do this, but finally being here and seeing everyone coming to watch us, I can't imagine being at home stuck in my own little corner with Jane. A safe little corner, a boring little corner, misjudging the greater world I had isolated myself from. A world which I had judged as it judged me so many years ago.

Where would I be if Peridot hadn't pushed me out of my corner of the world? I know exactly where I'd be.

I came as an outsider, but I stay as part of a group of people who care about each other so deeply, they're family without ever needing to mention it. They've taken me in. Steven, Luke, Amethyst, Ruby, Sapphire, Connie, Scarlett, and Peridot have taken me in as a part of their family. They haven't said so, but it is the only thing their gestures of kindness give me to say.

Jamie steps in front of the stage as the lights turn off and a spotlight shines on him. He introduces himself and tells the crowd what we're going to be doing so it doesn't look like we're fucking crazy. The crowd applauds as Steven hurries me backstage after Naomi who rushes for her shoes in the girls part of the backstage. The spotlight fades as Jamie makes his way to the pain as rehearsed. We rush to open the curtain in the dark silence while the orchestra takes their time causing my heart of hammers with the audience's praise of a show they have not yet seen.

Once the applause died down, it takes exactly right seconds for the orchestra to commence the show and Scarlett to do her violin solo thingy. The lights look down on Luke who holds himself with ease on the stage by himself.

Through the sides of the stage from below, I look up at the stage, marveled at how far we've come. The audience watches in silence.

I get ready for my entrance when Peridot goes center stage for the only few lines he has in this song. After he says his 'name' the audience claps and cheers. It takes about five seconds for them to calm down, as the conductor, or the music teacher, counts the orchestra back in. The music begins again and Peridot sings again.

I ready myself and try to calm my nerves. The stage goes black as I get on stage, my heels resonating against the silence.

It's my turn, and I sing. I have to restrain myself from smiling as I walk to center stage where I stand behind Prince Charming who's sitting in a chair. I put a finger to my lips as everyone else whispers.

The stage goes black again as I rush backstage. The lights turn back on and Luke continues to sing.

Stuff happens. Before I know it, the song has ended. There is a last best where the lights turn off and the audience claps. Some people yell stuff out there. Of course, those are mostly over-enthusiastic mothers and teenagers trying to make fun of their friends.

We all rush to our positions. Luke and Peridot stay on stage while almost everyone else including me practically runs backstage. Blue, Naomi, and I change into our new dresses and we manage to see the end of _My Shot_.

After the Story of Tonight, the lights dim and light the stage again on Luke who sings everything perfectly. When it's our cue, Blue almost shoves Naomi and me out because we're so fucking nervous.

I try not to look at the audience even though it's almost impossible. I smile and try to keep my eyes on every one on stage and on my feet beneath this blue dress. If I look at the audience, I'll smile too much and it'll interfere with my singing and stuff.

Yet as the clink of my heels mixes with the drums of my heart, I grin from ear to ear. With my hair flowing behind me and my feet leading, the skirts of my dress swirl around me as I do my stuff with Blue and Naomi.

When our song ends, we rush backstage as the ones in the next song set up, and the audience claps.

The three of us hurry to change into our next dresses. I swear when Naomi, Blue, and I are backstage, ninety percent of that time is spent changing.

I manage to make it out in time to watch Steven's number which is one of my favorite because of the subliminal truth behind the lyrics and because it's just generally hilarious. Especially with someone as small and adorable as Steven singing as King George III, aka. the Mad King. I don't think I've ever heard a song about another tyrant or evil person as hilarious. I don't think I've ever heard another song about a tyrant or an evil person before.

The rest of the red coat ensemble joins His Majesty in an evil nevertheless amusing tune.

"The kid's got talent, " Peridot whispers into my ear once I'm done changing and we're watching front the stairs leading to the stage. He puts a hand on my back.

"So golden buzzer?" I ask him. He smiles places a kiss on my head before the songs ends on a gruesome tone with someone's death and the next begins.

I go up with Naomi and Blue and a few others who sing the introduction. As the introduction escalates and Peridot comes in stage, ready for his part, the girls and I take our skirts and rush to the back of the stage, making our way backstage, making it seem as though we were running from something.

Blue, Naomi, and I hurry to change again. Blue finishes first, she quickly fixes Naomi's ponytail and then does my hair after I'm done. She makes tw fishtail braids at each side of my head and ties them together on the back of my head as if it were half of a crown.

Steven smiles, content with his performance and ready to do it again. His face begins to hurt. The sweat pours down as he takes the fake crown and cape off. The song ends with the guy who plays George Washington, ironically named George, holding his sword up, and Peridot standing to his right.

Like at every other ending of a song, the stage goes black and the audience claps before the music begins once again.

After _A Winter's Ball_, I begin my next sing by almost falling in my face and ripping my new blue dress. Thankfully Blue improvises and makes it look like I'm ranting to her about my _undying_ love for a guy I've known for less than a month, and have only really held a real conversation through letters which take days to deliver.

My blood runs cold for a moment before I fully recover and continue my song as rehearsed. I still find it hilarious when Ruby, the hardcore soldier spy, is the flower girl to my pretend wedding. My song ends with a small little peck on the lips with my boyfriend, and Blue's begins with a drunk guy asking the maid of honor to toast.

With Peridot's hand on my hip, we each hold a plastic wine cup up. The white wedding veil on my head threatens to fall off as everyone in stage minus Prince Charming and I sing.

_My mom would kill me if she saw me now._

But she's not fucking here is she? I almost laugh with tears as Prince Charming, Blue, and I do our small exchange of words. I have no idea how I've fucking survived this. I can't believe my dad is going to watch me do this on Friday.

It's embarrassing when I need to sing _That Would Be Enough_. It was embarrassing enough during rehearsals, now it's worse in the actual thing with people recording me. I'm gonna die when my dad see this.

_Non-Stop_ is amazing. When the music stops with that loud and sharp note, we all stand still and I try my fucking best not to fall in the floor laughing while the audience claps.

I almost collapse when the intermission begins.

"Shit, " I tell myself.

"You okay?" Naomi asks me.

"I'm sweating and I'm half dead, " I answer.

"Then it's a normal day, " Prince Charming cuts in.

"For you perhaps, " I tell him.

He puts a hand on my waist and winks in a sly manner, "Why don't we go recharge?"

"There are maybe a hundred empty rooms upstairs. I'm sure one of them is unlocked, " Naomi points out.

"I prefer a bat to beat the shit out of this hay sack, " I push him away.

"I meant with water, " he says.

"Of course you did, " I roll my eyes. I go into the girl's backstage chambers and retrieve my backpack before heading back to the outside world filled with the chaos of words and teases. Peridot stands next to the second row speaking to a pair of men, one holding a camera and another holding a pen and a notepad. I walk to him, wary of what they can be.

As I approach, with the stealth of a blue whale. In other words, they spot me immediately.

I try to look away, but they call for me, "Miss, Lapis Lazuli right?"

I freeze and look at them. Peridot smirks. I force a smile and walk to them, handing Peridot a water bottle.

"Yes, " I say.

"On the playbill it says, you play Misses Alexander Hamilton, " he states, though it feels like a question.

"Miss Elizabeth Schuyler, " I intercede. He smiles.

"Of course. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?" he asks. _Do I really have a fucking choice?_

"Yeah, " I answer.

He finishes writing something down on his notebook before looking up at me and asking me, "Have you done other musicals or plays before?"

"No. I never really was interested, " I look at Peridot, "But greater forces left me no choice."

Peridot doesn't give a fuck and smirks. The guy finishes writing stuff down and looks to me again.

"What is your experience with Hamilton within this school's musical program?"

Those are a lot of words. He could have just asked, what was it like to make this.

"It was a lot better than I thought it would have been, " I say.

"Why is that?"

_Bitch. I don't have to tell you anything._

"Well, I thought it was going to be constant work and since I didn't really get along with many people I didn't like the idea but once in rehearsals I realized it wasn't going to be as bad, " I explain.

He nods his head for some reason as he finishes writing.

"Have you ever seen the actual Broadway production of Hamilton?"

"No, " I answer.

"But our friends and us plan on going this summer, " Prince Charming intervenes. The guy holding the camera moves the camera in his direction. He takes a step back.

The guy holding the notepad smiles, "Are both of you a couple? Not counting within the musical."

The sweat comes back, "Uh, what is this for?"

"They're putting it in an online blog. It's very popular, " Peridot answers.

_Fuck. I've really fucked up. _

"No, " I say.

"Yes, " Peridot says.

Peridot and I look at each other. The journalist stares at us.

Peridot looks back to the journalist, "We are a couple. But my girlfriend doesn't want to shout it to the entire world."

"You make it sound like it's something bad, " I tell him.

"It's not bad. I just don't mind letting people know that you're the love of my life, " he says so casually.

"Not here, " I say through a gritted smile.

"Okay, so don't worry. I won't include that, " he is obviously confused.

Peridot clears his throat, "Would you like to interview my brother? Aaron Burr?"

"Very ironic. Of course, " the journalist says.

I wait for Peridot in the second row as I drink my water. He comes back and sits next to me.

"Don't you have to get changed?" he asks me.

"Don't you?" I ask him.

"Don't be mad. They just came up to me and started asking questions, " he says.

"Really? Why is it that I doing believe that?" I sarcastically ask?

"It's the truth. Now they're bothering Luke and Scarlett, " He says.

"Scarlett?" I ask him.

"She was talking with Luke and she gladly giving them all the answers they want," he explains.

"That's great. But now I need to go change, " I tell him.

"No, wait, " he groans as he takes my wrist but I stand my ground.

"You should probably change too, " I tell him.

"Since when did you become boring?" he asks me.

"Since when did you become a fucking nerd?" I put my hands on my hips.

"You've got a point, " he says.

"I know. I'm a fucking genius, " I respond.

"But I'll see you after the musical?" he asks.

"It'll be late by then and Blue is driving me, " I tell him.

"But I do get my good night kiss before you leave, right?" his sly smile shouldn't be something I should be surprised by, but his audacity, slyness, and assertiveness in public have always found a way to shock me.

I simply roll my eyes and leave. I get changed into my next dress and I have to drink a ton if water to stay alive before it's my song even though I would prefer to stay in break.

See what I did there? I am a fucking genius.

I still don't like the song where Hamilton cheats on his wife. Even if it isn't true and Peridot has no romantic feelings for any other person, it gets to me. And it's so fucking hard to play the 'devoted wife' after watching and listening to that. I don't know the name of the girl who plays Maria Reynolds, nor do I give two shits. I try not to look at her or have anything to do with her during rehearsals, sometimes it's not very effective. But as I have previously stated, I don't give two fucking shits.

Everyone loves me. There are screams and claps when I walk out for _Burn_. And why would they not? I'm absolutely amazing.

My voice blends in perfectly with the instruments, but my voice is more than clear. I almost force the tears to come as I burn the letters with real fire. I hold the letters over the burning candle until they light up in flames. I get in my knees, I tear the letters in harmony with the words in my song and throw them in a bucket. I'm surprised they're letting me use real fire.

But everybody loves me. I make sure to rub it into Peridot's face. The next song I am in can be said is one of my least favorites ones. It's really uncomfortable and hard to scream and cry in front of everyone while holding on to Amethyst's smirking face. Especially with all this sad music in the background. But I get through it. And I am able to hear some people cry in the background. Did I mention I am also wearing a black mourning cape with my last dress underneath? I didn't? Well, I am! And I'm sweating like shit.

Three words. That's it. That's all I get. I am in almost every scene in _Its Quiet Uptown_, and I have three fucking words to say. It's also one of my favorite songs yet I still have only three fucking words.

It doesn't matter. I enjoy those three words and I do my fucking best. Prince Charming and I hug as the ensemble and Blue sing in the background.

I take the black mourning cape off and wait as my fake husband decides when he wants to kick the bucket.

Everything else is a mix of anger and sarcasm and death. Death everywhere. Literally. But I'm the survivor so it's okay.

I like _Best of Wives and Best of Women_. It's nice. It really shows who I truly am when I pretend to look outside the window to see how early it is and when I sing 'Well I'm going back to sleep'.

I think everyone just loves me for the single phrase now. Why wouldn't the audience love me? I am amazing and Eliza is a plain off cinnamon role like in those memes.

I'm a cinnamon roll, but if you get too close I'ma burn the fuck out of you with my melting frosting.

It's amazing how Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton survived nearly until the Civil War. When everyone around her had died. She was so strong and did so much. Now that is a devoted wife. And I'm playing that badass bitch.

The audience is crying during my last song when I explain everything I've done and continue to do to uphold my dead tomcat husband's legacy. I hear a loud sniffle when the ensemble sings the orphanage. I have to restrain from smirking and laughing.

Once Prince Charming and I cross paths and the show ends, I have a tear coming out of my eye. The stage goes black before everyone rushed backstage.

I cannot believe I actually got through that massacre. There was so much bloodshed along the way, but I made it and I fucking owned it.

My heart pounds in my chest as I pant. The sweat falls freely underneath my dress and on my face.

Peridot grabs my hand and pulls me all the way to the back. For the ending calls, he and I are last.

First are the ensembles, separately. Mind, then Peridot's, and the other ones too. Then, it's other irrelevant side characters like Charles Lee or the Samuel guy from Farmer's Refuted and the fucking Reynolds family. Then it's Steven.

The Orchestra plays the music from one of his songs as Steven walks slowly with his golden staff with full in robe and crown. The crowd cheers so loud as he gives losses with his hands. I can't help but giggle.

Then it's George Washington who comes and stands side by side with King George III. It's very ironic. The music changes to Right Hand Man and then alternates from Steven's music and George's music. I can't contain my laughter this time.

Then Blue and Naomi emerge as King George and normal George turn their ways to help in forming a semi-circle around the stage facing the audience. The upbeat Schuyler Sister song is played as the audience literally screams. I squeeze Peridot's hand as we wait.

Then it's Sapphire, Ruby, and Amethyst. The audience goes wild as a part of _My Shot_ is played. Really. I even hear someone whistle.

They join the semi-circle as the song changes to _Wait For It_. If the audience could get any wilder and louder, they have. Luke bows before waving for a moment before the music goes quiet for a second before the violin part from the beginning of _Alexander Hamilton_ plays and Luke sings, "What's your name man?"

Luke walks away backward as Prince Charming walks to the center and sings as rehearsed as the audience sings his name too. He bows before extending his hand as the music changes to when my name is sung in _Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story_. That's my cue.

With a nervous smile and the war drums of life in my ear, I step onto the stage and take his hand. People scream. I bow as rehearsed as the softness of the violin is blocked by the screams of my admirers who are in tears. I almost cry myself.

With my hand in his, Peridot leads me to complete the semi-circle before we all point down to the pit, and then up to the box where all of the lights and stuff are controlled.

I can't believe it was a success. Every bead of sweat and every month of dancing and embarrassingly singing in front of everyone while they stare has paid off. I still have two days to go plus Friday when Peridot's mom and step-dad will be here and my dad. It'll be chaos, but right now, nothing else matters.

People like me, they love what I've done and I'm known not because I was a victim but because I'm something bigger than myself. It's one of the best feelings I've ever felt.

Then it's over but I can't help smiling.

* * *

**Friday**

Thursday is just like Wednesday. One of the only differences is that I don't almost fall on my face and fuck everything up. The audience is also wilder. I'm scared to see how wild today's crowd is.

Peridot comes over, but leaves before my dad gets home. My mom is busy with extra work so she won't be back for a while. What I'm worried about is my dad's reaction to the actual show and to meeting Peridot's parents. Regardless of what Prince Charming says, I want my dad to meet his mom. So I'll just give things a little push, and then, let life do everything else. It's funny how things work that way.

As my dad waits outside for the doors to open for the parents, I finish dressing up and combing my hair with my fingers. Even after two days of doing this, it still feels very new and weird.

I climb the steps to the stage and look to the empty seats one last time before the doors open. The pulse of my heartbeat rings in my ears as I hear nothing but the echo of my beating heart, and click of my heels.

"You ready for one last day?" Prince Charming startles me.

"Yeah. Just nervous, " I admit.

"You weren't this nervous the first night, " he points out.

"Today's different. Today's the last night, " I tell him.

The last night. Months of practice and hard work gone in three days. But the last night is the most important one. It is the most defining memory I will have, the last piece of this experience I will take with me and carry for the rest of my life.

He takes my hand and drags me to a hidden part backstage, probably so Jamie doesn't tell us we're wasting our time or that the theatre is a sacred temple or some shit.

"It'll be great, " he assures me.

"Well I doubt you would have dragged me into this had it not been so great, " I tease.

The blond prince of a princess isn't fazed and simply smiles. He pulls me in, kissing me. The nervous drums of my heart steady. I know I shouldn't let myself when I have a show in about ten to fifteen minutes and my dad is outside, waiting to watch what I've been doing with my time. Waiting. For any first sign of trouble that Peridot may not be good for me.

But it's been months since that excuse has stopped me.

I put my arms around his neck as his fingers play with my dark hair. _Things could be different._ There were many opportunities these last seven years where life could have led me down a different path, perhaps a better one or a fate much worse. But I don't care for the not taken chances of these regretful years. Because I have him. And I'm happy. I'm happy with him, I'm happy with my friends, I'm happy with myself, and I'm happy with life.

"I kind of wish we weren't here, " his diaphragm expands and contracts rapidly as his fingers curl around my chin. I catch my breath too.

"Because you realize being in a musical was a mistake?" I jokingly whisper.

"Because a part of me would rather stay home with you, " he whispers back. I smile. He has to look down for our heads to meet. The heels make me slightly taller. I see him bite his lip.

Like the lovesick puppy I am, I kiss him again, longing for him to engulf me whole. The small yet passionate kiss we share u

is enough to make time fly. Blue surprises us, telling us to get to the stage before Jamie gives us a sermon about the holiness of the stage and how we should respect it.

The Orchestra Pit and the stage are silent. Them Jamie and the Conductor, give us a motivational speech. After that, the war drums come back to plague my ears as the Orchestra goes back to fiddling with different parts and different melodies throughout the musical.

One of the other cast members closes the curtains as everyone heads backstage. Like in the first and second night, Steven, Naomi, and I huddle where the curtains meet. My dad is one of the first to enter. He goes straight to the first row the audience is allowed to sit in, a playbill in hand. Naomi points out her parents and her younger sister and Steven, his dad.

Although it does make me nervous to see my dad in a front-row seat, it causes the war drums to stop. I smile, but not from the nerves. I don't remember the last time my parents attended an event in school that wasn't parent-teacher conferences. It may only be my dad here, but that is good enough for me.

Luke comes over, prying the curtains open and popping his head out.

"Are you're parents coming?" Naomi asks.

"My m-mom and step-dad, " Luke answers.

Prince Charming's mom and step-dad are also amongst the few to come in first. They sit in the second row, right behind my dad.

_And I didn't even have to do anything. _

I smile at myself.

Jamie walks on stage with his microphone as he has done the last two days. He thanks everyone for being here and gives them the brief on the show. When he is done and the audience claps, we all turn on the small microphones clipped to out clothes.

I have to try so fucking hard to not smile when I make my entrance. It's the most difficult thing to not look at my dad or Peridot's pregnant mom.

When the first song is done and we pose for a split second, my eyes wander to my dad. He looks at me too. He smiles. I smile too. All I can hear is my rapid breathing and beating heart as I silently sniff back a tear or two...or a million.

The stage goes black and I run to change. I want to be quick so I can watch my dad's reaction to the next few songs.

And I am. I finish before Naomi is done which is very fast for my standards. I make my way to the sides of the stage and watch my dad from the steps. He records most of it.

I am excited when The Schuyler Sisters starts. I run back stage while Luke starts the song off. Naomi and Blue breathe when they see me.

"C'mon!" Blue whisper screams through gritted teeth.

Then its our turn. We do our signature thing where we call our names out. Our role's names. My face hurt from so much smiling.

I dance and sing. But I don't care about anyone else, just my dad.

My dad claps. They're the only claps I hear. I hope he claps when I get fake married.

When I'm not changing, I'm watching my dad's reaction to the show. He laughs during Steven's song. And why wouldn't he? It's a fucking hilarious song with double meanings.

I go onstage with shaking legs when I have to sing that nervous solo at the beginning of _Helpless_. I can't tell what goes on in my dad's head when Prince Charming asks for my hand to fake dad. But he laughs during the wedding scene when Ruby becomes the flower girl. Everyone laughs. I need to keep a straight face when I go on stage with fake dad.

Peridot reads my mind when we get fake married and he kisses my cheek instead of kissing me on my lips like we've done for the last two days. My dad raises an eyebrow. I see his expression perfectly even though it's dark.

I try to keep a smile and a straight face while we do _Satisfied_. Thankfully, I leave after _Satisfied_.

I drink some water.

I don't know how I manage to do _That Would Be Enough_ without peeing myself. I can't tell what my dad is thinking when Peridot and I are sitting and I am singing about my unconditional love and all of that. I don't know how, but I do get through it.

_Non-Stop_ is a mess. It is just like during rehearsals and it's amazing, but I have to constantly stop myself from turning to look at my dad.

I'm scared to go outside for the intermission. But I know I have to. _I have to._ It's probably suicide to go outside after all of this, but I have to.

I spot Peridot backstage and I hook my arm into his.

"Come on, " I tell him.

"Outside?" he asks. I nod.

"That's suicide, " he comments.

"I know, " I admit. But there is only one way in my mind for his mom to meet my dad.

Yet he still follows me like a lamb to the slaughter.

My dad stands up when he sees us. I separate from Peridot as we walk. Prince Charming stops when he sees his mom who also stands up.

"Peri!" she says.

"Mrs. Diamond?" my dad asks. Prince Charming's skin grows colder.

"Mrs. Hillier, " she corrects. My dad raises an eyebrow at Peridot.

"Stephan Hillier, " Peridot's step-dad says as the shake hands. His dress is very formal while Lesley wears a simple light pink dress.

"You are Peridot's mother?" my dad asks. She nods.

"And you must be the father of such a lovely girl. My younger son, Luke, has told me much about her, " she takes his hand and shakes it.

"Why yes, " he answers.

"Peri, come, " His mom calls him.

Prince Charming looks more like a scared puppy. He looks to my dad, before turning to his mom and hesitantly making his way towards her. My dad takes a few steps towards me.

"He lied about his last name, " is the first thing he says.

"He didn't. He just didn't take his step-dad's name, " I defend.

"Have you met her before?" he asks.

"Once. When Peridot got sick and I dropped off his homework, " I explain with minimal detail.

"Mister Perfect didn't seem so happy to see his mother or step-father, "

"He doesn't get a long with him, "

"Lapis, " he begins.

"Dad, " I cut him short, "Is that the only things you're going to say? Excuses of why he could be bad? What about the show?"

My dad doesn't look offended, but he does shift. I would have said more, but he is my dad and has the power to either shield us as he's done the last two days or to let us crumble.

Yet even my own dad needs to have some respect. I'm sure abandonment isn't something a child is going to forget very easily. Peridot has some issues, but that doesn't make him a bad person. I will defend my boyfriend when I need to. Besides, I'm tired if hearing the cons of being with the only man I love. I wished he would just be happy and tell me how he's liking the show so far without the need to restrain himself from making unnecessary comments.

"It's good so far. Very intriguing and..." he searches for a word, "educational."

At least he didn't say he's absolutely mortified. I probably would be.

Peridot doesn't seem happy at all to be with his mom even though she praises him.

Luke walks down the steps and Scarlett joins him. They both stop and are surprised to see Peridot standing right there. Regardless, they shake it off even though they remain weary.

"Dad, this is Luke and Scarlett, " I present.

"Nice to m-meet you, " Luke says.

"Lovely to meet you, sir, " her British accent makes her flowered words seem so elegant.

"Luke is Peridot's younger brother and Scarlett is his girlfriend, " I explain.

"The pleasure is mine, " my dad says.

I look at Peridot out of the corner of my eye. He forces a smile.

"Anyway dad, I need to go change, " I tell him.

"How many times do you have to change?" he asks me.

"I'm not sure. Maybe five or six times, " I admit.

"Well it's been a long time since I've seen you in a dress, " he takes my hand and twirls me around. I smile.

"I'll see you when the show is over, " I tell him. He nods. I shoot Luke glance. He nods and rushes to his mom's side. Scarlett makes her way and talks to Stephan. As Luke takes his mom's attention away from Peridot, I take advantage of the situation and hook my arm around Peridot's and rush him away. I wave at Blue as we pass by who's with her boyfriend.

"Gentleman in distress?" I ask him.

"Lazuli, I think I almost shit my pants, " he whispers.

"Well, we don't want that. Remember these costumes are rented, " I remind him.

He manages a small smile, "What did your dad say?"

"He noticed your discomfort with your mom and stepdad, " I tell him, "And he thought you lied about your last name."

"Well, there goes my chance at impressing my future father in law, " he says.

"Impress my dad with your constant cussing to the best?" I raise an eyebrow.

His smirk is genuine, "Well I have to start somewhere."

I mentally smack his head.

"Just go change, " I tell him. He does as I say.

I also rush backstage in the girl's quarters to change into my next dress. I realize I am sweating a lot.

Naomi is already changed and so is Blue. I change rather quickly and Blur fixes my hair.

I watch as my dad talks to Peridot's mom and step-dad. I really hope that nothing far too terrible happens. If not, then I'd have fueled everything up.

_As I haven't done that yet._

The intermission ends but I'm not in the first or second song. I, however am the wife over there who gets humiliated by her husband and has to suck up her pride because I have to look like the cinnamon roll I am. But I have fun with the song. I mean, what's there not to love about being cheated on by your husband in your very own bed. What fun.

I just watch my dad and I have no fucking clue what goes on in my dad's head.

It's so fucking hard to fake cry and scream so realistically when my dad is in the fucking front row. It's embarrassing.

Everything after the _Stay Alive Reprise_ is hard. I am forced to keep a straight face for _It's Quiet Uptown_. And I still have three fucking words.

I love _Best of Wives and Best of Women_. It's funny in a subtle way.

I feel very weird during _The World Was Wide Enough_. I have no idea how the real broadway actor does this every single time.

I leave every single person in tears with Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story. I almost cry myself but I hold myself together like the badass I am.

I just stand there as the ensemble finishes singing the end of the song. Every single person is in tears. I almost cry myself but I keep a straight face like the fucking badass I am.

We do the same thing we've done the last two days. Peridot and I are called out last.

Again he goes first, then the music changes. My heart beats faster as I walk out again and take Prince Charming's outstretched hand. I get the wildest screaming as I bow.

* * *

My dad and I walk home since our house isn't really that far. He tells me how much he liked the show and his favorite parts.

"Why don't you wear a dress more often?" he asks.

"I don't like dresses a lot. They make me sweat, " I tell him.

"But you wore five didn't you?" he points out.

"That was mandatory and it wasn't pleasant, " I contradict.

"I have recordings that say otherwise, " he shows me his phone. I smile. There is silence for a brief moment before he speaks again.

"Lesley Hillier, our young man's mother, is nothing like him, " he says. I try not to smack my dad like I do Peridot.

"Peridot said, she changed after marrying again, " I explain.

"And where is his real father?"

"He doesn't know, " I say, "He hasn't seen his dad since he was thirteen."

"It must have been rough. In all in all, he was still a child." I smile at my dad's words and understanding.

Holding the straps of my backpack, we continue to walk. When we arrive, my dad takes his keys and opens the door.

"I'm starving!" I exclaim as I plop down on the couch.

"You've been sweating the last two hours. Go shower, " my dad pulls me up.

"But my feet hurt, " I say.

"Lapis, I bet you're vocal chords must also hurt. So don't fight it, and go shower, " he tells me with so much sass, for a second he sounds more like one of my friends rather than my dad.

I groan but in the end say, "Fine."

I go to my room and take a shower. My mom comes home once I'm done taking a shower. I have no idea what my dad did, but he was able to get her to stay late and get himself out early.

I eat quickly and take my pill because she isn't in the best mood. Jane follows me quickly behind me when I go to my room.

As I brush my teeth, my phone rings. Of course, I immediately think it to be Peridot, but to my surprise, it's not. It's my dad who texted me everything he recorded of the show, which to my calculation, may be the entire show.

I send him a smiley face as I watch a few of them in the darkness before I go to sleep. Jane cuddled next to me putting her head on my head, I silently giggle.

I put my phone on the night stand next to my bed. Pulling the covers over myself, I feel hot but it's not like I give a fuck. I'm happy and excited and fucking proud and literally, nothing could ruin it.

Jane shifts but I don't give it much thought. Instead, I just close my eyes and try to sleep. Dancing and singing is tiresome as hell.

A hand covers my mouth.

"It's me, " Prince Charming whispers.

He removes his hand from my mouth.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I whisper.

"Aren't you glad to see me?" he asks, putting one arm beneath me, holding my stomach, and his other hand on my shoulder. His words whisper into my hair.

"Are you drunk?" I ask him.

"I barely had a shot with Amethyst, " he rests his forehead on the back of my neck.

"Okay, maybe two or three, " he admits.

"You promised you would stop drinking, " I remind him.

"And I will keep my promise, mon amour. But I have to go slowly. Taking everything away in one go is far too drastic, " his hand drifts from my shoulder to my waist.

He simply holds me. If it weren't for me, he would have fallen asleep.

"You need to go, " I tell him.

He shifts, "But I've missed you."

I turn to look at him even though I can't completely see him through the dark.

"You saw me less than an hour ago, " I say.

"But I haven't spent enough time with you, " he complains.

"Your eyes, your skin, " he caresses my face, and then his thumb is on my bottom lip, "your lips."

Prince Charming kisses me without much warning. At first, it's fine. But then, I can barely breathe. I push him away, pushing his beside me.

"What the fuck?" I ask him.

"Sorry?" he smiles.

I rest my forehead on his chest as I silently laugh.

"Did you at least shower yet?" I ask him.

"I took a quick shower at Amethyst's, " he tells me.

I look at him and kiss him. Except this time, I'm not drowning inside of his mouth. His hands slip under my shirt, touching my bare back. Tender fingers outline my spine and backbone. My hands are at the side of his face, part of my fingers between his blond hair.

_I'll let him stay._ My parents don't have to find out. It could be just like last time. And I want him to stay if I'm being honest.

I want him to hold me, and to wake up beside him in the morning. Of course, without there being any sexual interactions. But that won't be a problem. All I want is to be in his arms, and all he wants is for me to be in them.

"You can stay, " I whisper through my jagged breaths.

"Lazuli, you've just made my night, " he whispers back.

He kisses me again, not stopping at my lips.

Before we arouse suspicion, I bury my head into his neck as he puts his arms around me. I fall asleep before he does.

* * *

**Hello!**

**I know this is very late, but here it is. So far, it's the longest chapter I've written. 9,733 words to be exact.**

**But I have a valid excuse. You see...I'm in the midst of writing a book. An actual book-book. It's going to be my debut novel and it's a fantasy. That doesn't mean there's going to be unicorns and wise old wizards though. Though, I do live unicorns and wizards with complicated names.**

**The point it, I will finish this story because this story is a big part of my life. It's perhaps the first story I've taken seriously. I will continue to post one chapter a month though I'll try to get more in. But, do know, that if a chapter happens to come late, now you know why. **

**Have a great day/night! Depending on where you live!**


	42. Chapter 42

**The Almost Lover**

**Lapis' P.O.V.**

_I'm going to kill him._

I swear I'm going to kill Prince Charming.

What the fuck goes on in his mind for him to end up in a holding cell at the local police station?

As I walk into the police station, I keep my stare to the ground hoping the police officers don't wonder what a seventeen-year-old girl is doing here. My phone vibrates in my pocket, but I ignore it. My only priority in this moment is finding out why Peridot is here and whether he actually was crazy enough to do it.

I walk up to the front desk where there is a woman who talks in the phone. She asks me to give her a moment. And so I do.

She takes her sweet time before hanging up.

"How can I help you?" she asks.

I give a forced smile, "I was told Peridot Diamond was put in a holding cell here?"

She types something onto her computer and does some shit before looking back up at me.

"Yes, " she says.

"Is there any chance I could see him?" I ask her.

"What is your relation with Mr. Diamond?" she asks.

"I'm his girlfriend, " I say. She raised an eyebrow.

"Can I see some sort of Identification, "

I take out my wallet where all of my cards are. From my hands, she takes my school ID and my regular identification card.

Her eyes look over my cards before putting them down and typing something on her computer again. A moment passes before she gestures to another officer.

"Renina, take her to see Peridot, "

_It seems like Prince Charming is a household name here in the police station._

A Hispanic police officer approaches me. Dark skin with short black hair and light brown eyes.

"This way, " he gestures for me to follow.

I follow through crowds of officers with and without uniform plus other people.

"So it's true that Peridot has a girlfriend, " Officer Renina says. I don't say anything.

"My name is Carlos, señorita, " he says with a sort of Latin accent though I can't exactly put my finger on it.

"Lapis Lazuli, " I respond.

"Pleased to meet you. I must admit, when Peridot told me to call his girlfriend, I had my doubts, " he says.

"I had my doubts on whether to say he was my boyfriend or not, " I say, annoyed. Not with the officer, but with Prince Charming. Officer Carlos Renina seems like a decent person. But I swear Peridot will want to stay behind bars to protect himself from me.

"Now I understand why we haven't seen him here so often anymore."

"And you can keep him if you want, " I say.

We walk the rest of the way in silence. We reach the end of the station where the holdings cells are divided into two. The women's and the men's holding cells.

Carlos leads me into the men's holdings cells. I hug myself as some stare. Prince Charming looks right at home. He sits comfortably while talking to his cellmates. I don't think he is in a hurry to get out of here. In fact, I don't think he would notice if he were to spend the night here.

"Lazuli, " he calls. He stands up and meets me where the metal bars separate us.

Someone makes comment behind me but I don't turn around.

"That's my girl you're talking about, not your sister, " Peridot calls back. One of his cellmates laughs.

How can he talk so casually and in such a manner? Especially in here, and with people who are in cells for who knows what?

I would smack him if it weren't for the bars, "What the fuck did you do?"

"I didn't do anything, " he answers.

"Then how do you explain ending up here?" I ask him.

"There was a confusion, " he says.

"Lazuli, I didn't do anything, I swear, " he says, taking my hand.

"A confusion?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah, " he says.

_A confusion._ I almost laugh at the ridiculousness of his excuses.

"What are they accusing you of?" I ask. Officer Renina intercedes.

"Vandalism and death threats, " Officer Renina says.

I turn back to Prince Charming and I don't know what is worse. The fact that he threatened someone's life or the fact that had has the audacity to touch me. I take my hand back from him.

"Lazuli, I didn't do that I swear. I've been with you the whole time, " he clutches the bar in front of him.

_It couldn't have been him._

The fact that I even doubted him for a split second makes my skin crumple.

He has spends all his time with me. When would he have had the time to do any of that? And why? Peridot isn't the kind of person to go around damaging other people's property and threatening people.

"When?" I turn to Renina.

"Uh, yesterday. Yesterday after, four I think, " he answers.

"See, it couldn't have been me, " Peridot states.

"Will they let him go if I can prove he was with me?" I ask Officer Renina.

He thinks for a moment. I hear the other men in other cells speak amongst themselves. People of different colors, different clothes, different ways of speech, yet still here, in the same place.

"If you can prove he was with you, and neither of you were at the scene of the crime, that will probably help with letting him go, " he states, making sure to phrase his words correctly.

"So they won't let him go?" I ask.

"I don't think so. He has charges for resisting arrest, " Officer Renina looks at Peridot.

"Because I'm innocent, " Prince Charming asserts.

"That's a first, " Renina offers a smile.

I shoot Peridot a glare, "Shut the fuck up because they probably had their reasons to believe it was you."

He shuts up.

"I see why she's your girl now, " Renina says, "You both have a way to shut people up."

I turn back to the Hispanic officer.

"Can I speak to him, alone for a minute?" It's more of a demand rather than a question. He nods and leaves.

I turn back to Peridot, "So this is why you disappeared after lunch."

He doesn't joke. He simply looks at me, a little red, embarrassed.

It isn't my intention to make him feel bad. I am simply telling him what happened. If the truth makes him feel bad, maybe he should rethink what he does next time. It's not my fault that what he does doesn't make him look like the model person I know he can be.

I don't know what he's done, and I don't want to know. I trust what he has told me as I trust he is trying his best to change. Not only for me, but for himself too. Surely he must know that a life in a holding cell, with alcohol and with flirtations wouldn't lead to anything good for his future. He must know it. I know for a fact he is smart enough to understand.

"I didn't know they were going for me. I didn't want to call anyone else and I didn't want to interrupt you while you were in school, " he takes me hands.

"I swear I didn't do anything, " he says.

"I know you didn't do it, " I finally say, "But how am I going to prove you didn't do it?"

He thinks for a moment.

The truth is, I haven't a fucking clue on what to do. The last time I was involved in anything having to do with the legal system, I don't even want to remember it.

_I wonder if I still have my statement._

That's not important right now.

"The person who put the report hasn't come yet, " he says.

"Do you think when they come, they might recognize that isn't you?" I and him.

"Or maybe I look like the delinquent, " he says.

"What are the odds that the delinquent looks like a senior high schooler with blond hair and green eyes?" I ask him.

"As rare as green is, it's all the possible, " he says.

"It's our only shot, " he adds.

Officer Renina comes back, "We'll have to leave you Peridot."

I don't want to leave him. But what can I do? Get myself arrested? Even then, we wouldn't be together.

Looking back to my locked up boyfriend, I hold the bars, stand on my toes, and give him a small kiss. Half of the jail whistles and says stuff I don't understand. When I turn back to Renina, he looks surprised but holds a smirk on his face. Not like Prince Charming though.

"I won't leave, " I promise Peridot as our hands intertwine one last time. He nods and watches me as I leave back to the front of the station.

I sit for a moment and evaluate my options. _What much can I do? _

Renina stands in front of me as if having heard my thoughts, "I can't leave. I have duties to attend to, but maybe you can do something for Peridot."

He has my attention, "What can I do?"

"We haven't been able to contact Ms. Woodhull, the woman who filed the report. But I know where she lives and you can go ask her kindly to vouch for our guy, " Carlos suggests.

_Kindly?_ _I'll do more than ask kindly to get Peridot out of here. _

I nod. Carlos gives me the information he has and assures me that last time they called Ms. Woodhull's work number, home number, and cell phone number, it went straight to voice mail. He adds that some officers who speculate Peridot is in fact innocent, which he is, think she may not have answered because the real delinquent has already gotten to her and they can't take immediate action since there wasn't any report of physical violence that would suggest actual violence and kidnapping and stuff. But again, those are only speculation. And I hope they're wrong.

I hope that the work number, the home number, and the cell phone number were all the same number.

Once I have the information, Carlos sees me off. He waves and wishes me luck. I'll need it.

I dial Ms. Woodhull's cellphone number, twice. Neither times does she pick up. Instead, it goes straight to voicemail. The same happens with her work number and house number which to my dismay, are all separate numbers.

I clutch my phone after calling for the seventh time without receiving a response from a human being. My finger nails wish to be able to dig into the screen and my knuckles turn white, hoping to crush my phone with strength I have failed to achieve in my seventeen years of life.

The scorching sun has no pity on my pathetic mortal soul. The shade is cooler, but not cool enough to relieve me. Birds chirp above me and make me wonder what on the fucking planet can make them so fucking happy every shitty day.

There has to be some explanation right? They can't just be happy because they are. Can they?

_At least they don't have to give a fuck where they're going to take a shit._

_Shut up and walk faster!_

Ignoring my internal screams of hellfire and bottled up rage, I continue to walk, gritting my teeth.

I open the little paper Carlos gave me with Ms. Woodhull's address and workplace. I look at her job first. I'm out of school, but people with jobs probably aren't out yet. Hopefully, I'm not wasting my time.

The sooner I get Prince Charming out of jail, the sooner I'll be able to beat the shit out of him for getting into trouble in the first place.

Ms. Woodhull works at the bank. Of course. My mom works at the fucking bank.

I avoid her easily although it is still stressful to know that if I am seen, I will be caught in the act red-handed. How am I going to explain being here? I don't think she will believe me when I tell her that I came to say hello to the best mother in the entire world. I'm not stupid enough to say it and she isn't stupid enough to believe it.

Ms. Woodhull isn't at work, though I am asked why I am looking for her. They probably know about the incident she reported yesterday. The same incident my boyfriend is being held accountable for regardless of his innocence.

Instead of telling the truth, I say that I'm the daughter of a friend from high school. My mother is in dire need of her phone which she left over at Ms. Woodhull's place. Since I was passing nearby, I thought it would be a good idea to ask Ms. Woodhull for it on behalf of my mom.

They believe it.

And so now I am off to Ms. Woodhull's place. Will the walking ever end?

Only when I am on her block do I begin to search the house number, one by one. Thankfully Ms. Woodhull doesn't live an apartment building which I would have to climb. She lives in a small house.

As soon as I get on the porch, I hear dogs barking. Hesitating but ignoring my better judgment, I ring the knock on the door.

There is silence.

I knock again before I see the shadow of two feet in front of the door in the little space between the floor and the bottom dimension of the door. Yet still, I get no answer.

Knocking again, I get frustrated.

"Ms. Woodhull?" I ask, praying to God it's not the criminal for whom my Prince Charming was confused for.

My heartbeat accelerated and burns through my skull. The sound which is nothing but a constant beat now resonates through my eardrums. _If you don't get an answer one last time, run._

"Ms. Woodhull, are you home?"

I don't have the energy to shit all over myself over my stupid question. I'm far too stressed right now as too make myself feel inferior to myself.

"Who are you?" I hear a female voice.

"Are you Ms. Woodhull?" I ask back, not knowing if to be relieved for an answer or not.

"Who's asking?" she asks.

I stare at the little eyehole embedded into the door. She can see me, but I can't see her. How convenient.

I have no other choice. I either risk it, or lose it. If I don't try, I'll lose it either way, "Ms. Woodhull, my name is Lapis Lazuli."

I know this person is a stranger, but I don't give a shit.

"I heard about the report you kade yesterday, about someone with threatened you-" she interrupts me.

"If you're from the news, I already told them I wasn't going to say anything," she says. It catches me off guard for a second before I continue.

"No. Actually, there has been a confusion-"

"A confusion?" she asks.

_Why don't you just let me fucking finish?_

"Yes. The police arrested my boyfriend, thinking he is the person behind the threats, "

"Your boyfriend?" she asks.l, "What's his name?"

"Peridot Diamond."

She scoffs, "I know exactly who it was, and it was not Mr. Diamond."

_Mr. Diamond, huh. Now Peridot _is_really__ in trouble._

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding back, "Would you come to the station, to tell then its not him?"

"I am in my house for a reason, Ms. Lapis Lazuli. If I may remind you, my life, and my dog's life, was threatened. And you expect me to just leave and go clear up a confusion at the very place where I feel most unsafe?" she asks me.

"Yes," I answer plainly, staring straight into the eyehole.

_She asked for it._

_I'm just_ answering her question honestly.

"That is exactly what I expect you to do, " I tell her.

* * *

Minutes later, Ms. Woodhull emerges from the safety of her apartment. She wears white jeans and a blue elbow-length blouse. Her wavy blond hair reaches her shoulders. The white leather strap of her purse hangs over her shoulder and reaches her hips.

A Beagle and a Yorkie come out and sniff me before Ms. Woodhull hurried them inside. She self-assured them she will be back soon and reminds them to care for the house. That is very weird for someone like her. I don't know her much, but she doesn't seem like the kind of person to talk to animals.

She sizes me up before perfecting her posture and walking down the stairs. I follow her. Ms. Woodhull asks me to explain the entire ordeal to her. Which I do. She doesn't interior but listens thoroughly. Afterward, she simply rolls her eyes.

"Typical, " she responds.

"If you know who threatened you, why not you tell the police who it was?" I ask her. It would have saved me a lot of walking and sweating.

"Little girl, I know who it was. It was some obsessed stalker. But I met him through the internet. I don't know his real name and there had been nothing I could find, " she explains, "All I could do was give a physical description of what he looks like, screenshot all our messages, and give them all the information I had which was not much."

"So it's a goose chase, " I state.

"Yes, it is. But tell me, how is it that a reasonable, decent, pretty, strong-headed, girl like you ended up with Mr. Peridot Diamond?" Ms. Woodhull asks honestly confused with my poor taste in men. I offer not much more than a sheepish smile.

"To be honest, I don't know, " I respond. She smiles.

"His honest affection is hard to find. I'll let you know if he really means what he says, " she says. I smile at her offer.

A silence overcomes when there is nothing more to say.

"Men are very complicated, aren't they Miss Lazuli? They always cause trouble, " Ms. Woodhull says, staring at the concrete tiles making up the sidewalk in front of us.

"I guess, " I answer.

When we arrive at the police station, Officer Carlos Renina is there to welcome us. He offers to show us to the reception but Ms. Woodhull is far too smart to need to be walked a few feet to the reception by a police officer. Though of course not smart enough to not talk to fucking stranger online.

But then again, I did company Peridot to a party and on a walk having known him for barely a decent amount of time even after he nearly ran me over. And I guess I did start talking to him across the fence even though he was clearly older, a boy, a complete stranger, I was five, and I had no proof he was who he said he was.

So I'll let Ms. Woodhull be Ms. Woodhull.

She demanded to see the man they arrested to dictate whether or not he is in fact the stalker. Obviously she'll say it wasn't him. But we must continue on with the formalities.

A detective comes out and greets Ms. Woodhull. They exchange a few words before he asks her to follow him. I move to follow too, but Ms. Woodhull stops me.

"It's best if you stay here. They may say you're influencing me somehow, being his girlfriend, " she explains. I nod.

Renina approaches me once again.

"So what do you think?" he asks me.

"About what?"

"Do think she'll testify in his favor?"

"Why wouldn't she? Peridot had nothing to do with it, " I explain. Perhaps Ms. Woodhull is a little proud, but she seems like a very reasonable person.

"Hopefully Peridot doesn't kill me. But a while ago Peridot played a prank on her. It was innocent enough, but she didn't see it that way. And-" Carlos hesitates to continue.

"And?"

"Well-"

"Carlos!" I cross my arms and look at him expectantly. A face Ms. Woodhull would be proud of.

"He might have lied about his age, bought her a drink, and almost or kind of made out with her, " he says.

_How well do I know my boyfriend? _

Is there anything else I should know about?

I told myself I didn't want to know what he's done and that whatever he has done, I wouldn't care. But standing in a police station, waiting, _depending_, on someone else to help me again, it gives me a new perspective to look at the life I've imagined.

I don't say anything. I think that worries Officer Carlos more than any insult or threat.

Instead of working things out in my head and deciding on what to do, I try to clear my mind of any thoughts at all. Thinking will only make things worse.

I take a seat without saying a word. The receptionist asks Carlos to do something, and he leaves without saying goodbye. He only gives me a worried glance. But I don't want it. I don't need it. I don't need the Officer's pity.

I fidget with my fingers as I wait. Conversations go on around me. A man is brought in with his arms handcuffed behind him, two woman and another man following the arrested man and the officer. One of the women says stuff I don't hear and sobs.

My mind is oblivious to how long I sit doing nothing until I see the detective, Ms. Woodhull, and Peridot emerge from the door leading to the back. On instinct, I stand up.

Peridot smiles when he sees me.

_He smiles._

I smile too.

When he is closer all I can bring myself to do is hug him. Hug the man I've loved for so long unconsciously. He hugs be back.

For a moment, I want to ask him about what Carlos said. But I cant bring myself go do so. The words can't seem to form in my lips. Instead, when we separate, he kisses me and I kiss him back.

"Excuse me but you'll need to take it outside, " the detective breaks our moment. We separate and I take his hand.

We head outside. Ms. Woodhull followed us outside as she takes out her phone.

"The problem has been fixed, now if you excuse me, I have two children waiting for me in my house, " Ms. Woodhull says as she puts her phone back into her purse.

"Those _children_ are fucking banshees, Catherine, " Peridot responds.

_Catherine?_ He called her by first name.

It shouldn't bother me. He calls all of our friends by their first names. But it does.

"You say it as if you knew what any of it meant, " Ms. Woodhull says plainly and without interest.

"Thank you for everything Ms. Woodhull, we should go, " I tell Peridot as I take his hand.

"Call me Cat, " she tells me.

"Farewell Cat, " Peridot says. Ms. Woodhull's face dulls again.

"Not you, " she responds.

"I'll miss you too, Catherine, " he says.

I tug on his arm. An act far too childish for someone of my age. But there is no other way to get my point across without being rude.

_We're going._

Peridot looks at me before turning to Ms. Woodhull once again.

"Bye, Ms. Catherine, " he says as he turns around.

"Bye, " one little word and a forced smile are all I can muster for her.

I am able to act normally. Peridot doesn't suspect that I know of his little liaison with Ms. Woodhull, but I somehow wish he did.

But there is absolutely nothing I can do to change what had happened, all I can do is hope he loved me enough to stay with me.

Homework is the easy part. Jane mostly just lies down next to us just staring, sleeping, and occasionally sniffing our papers and phones. Peridot gives me some of the answers to the homework we have for the same classes. Social Studies, however, I can do myself. I'm not completely dependent on him.

Peridot likes playing games. Games that include a kiss as a reward. I don't mind them. I just roll with it. Every time he is able to do something, he kisses me and stuff. They're very stupid games and rewards, but I don't say anything.

My timer goes off as I work on my Social Studied homework. Peridot throws his pencil down on the floor as Jane lifts her head and stares at him. Peridot then proceeds to put his face in front of Jane's. She tries to stretch her neck in an attempt to sniff his nose, but he turns back and so she licks her own nose before turning to me.

"I finished all of my math homework in under five minutes Lazuli, " he says.

He said my last name.

Instead of pointing it out to him, I let him kiss me. I put my arms around his neck as he pulls my hips closer. We both too lost in our kiss, we lose balance and fall over.

I fall on top of him, my arms buried beneath his neck. He laughs. Jane gets down. She makes her way to the door and using her paw managed to get it open.

"You don't have to push me over, I'll willingly stay right here, " he says once he manages to get his laugh in check. I smile.

I struggle to break my hands free from beneath him. But once I do, I don't move to her off of him. Putting one arm on the side to keep balance, I use my free hand to trace his lip.

"I know you would, " I whisper.

His lips welcome mine as our tongues collide. His hands tighten on to my waist, beneath my shirt.

"Ah shit, " he says.

"What's wrong?"

"I forgot I had an appointment with my eye doctor, " he says.

"Don't go, " I ask him. He grins.

"You are asking me not to go to my eye doctor's appointment just to stay here doing nothing with you?" Peridot asks with that grin that makes me feel guilty even when I've done nothing wrong.

"Well when you put it that way it sounds like I've asked you to kill my mom, " I tell him.

"You kind of are, " he says.

I trace his neck.

"Can I convince you to stay?" I ask. He pretends to think for a moment.

"You can try, " Prince Charming grins.

I kiss him, softly at first, slowly gaining confidence. Then, things pick up the pace.

We both sit up straight and I curl my fingers around the hem of his shirt. My attempts at lifting it are caught short when he puts his hands on mine.

"What're you doing?" he asks me between our kiss.

I don't respond. He let's himself go too after a moment of holding back. When his shirt is off, his skin seems to grow warmer under my touch. He tugs at mine though doesn't push it.

His hands curl around my waist and he lifts me, only to pull me onto his lap. I kids his neck. Unlike him, I take my time and I'm not everywhere. He makes a noise between a scoff and a sigh. Regardless of what it is, it lets me knows he likes it.

Prince Charming tugs a little more at my shirt before I curl my fingers around the hem and lift it off and over my head. I throw it to the ground.

Peridot puts his hand on my back and lowers me down. Before I know it, we're both sliding under the bedsheets. We both throw our jeans away. He is left in boxers and I am left in a mismatched bra and panties. Reaching out uncomfortably, I unclip my bra from behind.

_This is going to be awkward. _

But I do it anyway.

It feels right. His tender fingers are in my hair and his breath is against my neck. I've never felt so good. I've never felt so loved.

For a moment all of my fears cease to exist. My underlying fears of being touched and ruin are not mine. The shyness of anything to do with sex and anything intimate are far gone and I am another.

That is until he stops.

His breath is shallow against my collar bone, "We can't do this."

"What?" I open my eyes as he brings his head to my eye level. Peridot stares at me for a moment. Maybe he searches for something in my eyes, but he doesn't find it. Instead, he puts his hand on the side of my face.

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask him.

Peridot shakes his head, "No, just think about it for a moment."

Is that supposed to mean I don't think? Was I impulsive in thinking he wanted to have sex with _me_?

"Lazuli, " he hesitates for a moment, probably not sure on how to tell me he can't screw someone like me.

"First of all, neither of us have a condom on, " he says.

"I'm not saying just about you, I'm saying about both of us, " he adds.

I fucking hate it when he's right. Perhaps I am impulsive. Some people tend to do things they never would do when they're afraid, when they feel threatened. Sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes it's something we live to regret.

There have been many things I regret, but pushing myself to give in to this because I'm afraid to lose might live to be my ruin. It's easy to lose even to the most simplest of battles. My fear and impulsivity will push him away. And I'll lose. I'll lose again as I have lost so many times.

I hug him, and dig my head into his bare chest.

"You're still considered underage, " it's almost funny hearing him use the law to justify why he can't have sex with me when barely hours ago he was in a holding cell.

"And you're nineteen, " I finish. He nods.

_Nobody needs go find out. _

His fingers are in my loose hair and on my bare back. He traces my backbone and my spine, passing through where the clip of my bra should be. It's a little uncomfortable and weird to have his barr chest against my uncovered top, but his massaging fingers on my back and neck compensate for it.

"I love you, Lazuli. And I want our first time go be special. We don't need go rush into having sex the first time we feel like it, " Prince Charming explains.

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. A moment of silence passes with only the seducing whisper of his fingers against my naked skin.

"You're cliche, " I finally whisper. He chuckles lightly. A laugh far too innocent for him.

Maybe deep down he is only the nerdy child he once was. His feelings too much for him to handle, and his passions unexplainable.

To see someone not give a fuck of other's expectations is truly a sight to behold. Some people are reckless and don't care what other's think or feel. Other people let other people have their opinions but simply don't give them importance. Its something I always have admired from him. His direct honesty and his undaunted spirit have always picked at my curiosity.

Prince Charming gets off me and lays down beside me, staring at the ceiling. Lost in thoughts, we remain silent for a while. Neither of us move or say anything.

After a few minutes, I catch him staring at me from the corner of my eye.

"You're beautiful, " he says. My face reddens and I give an awkward smile.

"You're not so bad yourself, " I reply.

His hands play with my hair. Braiding long blue strands, only to unweave them once he's done. I simply watch.

Jane jumps on to the bed and goes straight to Peridot and begins to sniff him. When she sniffs and licks his ear, he moves away, toward me.

"I'm taken, " Prince Charming tells her.

Jane steps away and sneezes.

"Bless you, demon, " Peridot says. I smile. Then, she comes over to me and tries to sniff under the covers.

"Jane, no!" I clutch the covers over my bare chest.

"Down!" I say. All Peridot does is put his hand on his mouth in an attempt to control his laughter. An attempt at which he so miserably fails. Jane just stares at me with her paw against her chest and her ears down.

"Down Jane, " I repeat. She gives me on last glance, hoping I change my mind, before she jumps off.

"That's harsh, " Peridot whispers with a smile on his face.

"Funny you say that because you're next, " I tell him. He comes closer and puts his hand on the space between my neck and my shoulder, his fingers touching my neck.

"If you let me stay, I'll kiss you, " he bargains.

"You'll kiss me either way, " I respond. And he does. He kisses me and I kiss him back, putting my hand on his back.

We hold on to each other as if we needed the other to survive, to _live_. We're not dependent on each other, but having Prince Charming as my lover makes life tolerable. And I wouldn't change that if I could

* * *

**Hello! It's been a long time, right?**

**Don't kill me.**

**So what did you think of this chapter? Did you like it, did you not, was it far too intimate, not intimate enough? Let me know.**

**I've been very busy, but of course, that is no excuse because writing is my love and all of my readers are also waiting for an update. So, as previously mentioned, please don't kill me.**

**Anyway, hope everyone has a wonderful day/night, it really depends. You all know the drill. **


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